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Chewiana Jones
Last Activity:
Jun 6, 2019
Joined:
May 5, 2012
Messages:
74
Likes Received:
1
Location:
The Well of Soles shoe store
Occupation:
Pokemon professor, and leading expert on mythical

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Chewiana Jones

Dunsparciologist, from The Well of Soles shoe store

Chewiana Jones was last seen:
Jun 6, 2019
    1. Mister_SGG
      Mister_SGG
      Lol cool name bro
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  • About

    Location:
    The Well of Soles shoe store
    Occupation:
    Pokemon professor, and leading expert on mythical
    Favourite Pokémon:
    Jirachi
    Chewiana Jones: An abridged autobiography

    I grew up in a small town made primarily of spit, grit, and a whole lot of duct tape, in 27th century ancient Rome, and was, from the beginning, a brilliant scientist. After years and years of research and experimentation, my genetically mutated winged pigs finally got off the ground. This was so awesome that it pretty much broke the space-time continuum (an event that was also aided by Benjamin Franklin' and Leonardo Da Vinci's collaborative project to divide by zero in 2586), and so, the first time machine was born within a humble port-a-potty next-door. After... um... borrowing it, I then proceeded to randomly push buttons, which did absolutely nothing, until my finger fell upon that fateful red button. I ended up in Lexington on April 19th, 1775, at which time a cap gun in my back pocket accidentally went off due to the effects of time dilation, but before I could see what was happening, the machine whisked me away once more. After that, I warped randomly through the ages, making a fire for warmth in the frigid ice age of 10,000 B.C., accidentally letting go of a massive elemental fire orb on extended loan from some almighty spirit of flames or another about 65 million years ago, loaning some sword lubricant to King Arthur, giving some guy named Hercules a cheap fake-lion-skin rug that I got from the dollar store, duct-taping up the flag at Fort McHenry, and much, much more. My greatest blunder by far was, without a doubt, the events of 2015, which proved cataclysmic for the entire world, but then, you already know what happened then, and I don't want to bring up such a sore subject if it's at all possible to avoid doing so. Eventually, I seemed to be getting the hang of controlling the time machine, so I went to try to assassinate Hitler, but I could barely get one shot out the door before the machine warped away, and couldn't get a good look at where I was. The machine's databanks record the error coordinates as November 22, 1963, Dealy Plaza, Dallas, Texas, but that can't be right, can it? After celebrating my 7,853rd birthday, I decided it was time to pick a time and settle down there for a bit, so I constructed a massive, dark fortress on a remote, highly volcanic island in the Atlantic Ocean in 1958, and have since then been practicing necromancy, plotting world-domination, and playing Pokemon


    About Mr. Jones (from Published Publishing Incorporated, a sub-division of The Department of Redundancy Department):

    Chewiana Jones lives alone on a remote island in the Atlantic, save for his undead legion, his massive force of construction drones, his ten-million-year-old skeletal dragon, and his potted plant named Larry. Recent reports, however, suggest that he may have forgotten to water Larry. Previous homes have included a moon-sized space station (fully operational), a chaotic rift between dimensions, and a pineapple under the sea. Mr. Jones has become legendary in certain unsavory circles for his dark sorcery, intricate evil plots, and creative writing. He is currently wanted in 51 states for charges of high treason, grand theft Mt. Rushmore, and jaywalking (But not littering. He never litters. Ever.), and for impersonating an Elvis impersonator.


    A note from my editor:

    My editor has forced me to admit that all of the above details, aside from the Pokemon-fanship and creative writing, are completely fictitious. Aside from being a figment of my imagination, my editor is also an 11th degree black belt, a Navy Seal, a Jedi Knight, and a mailman, and not the sort of guy that you want to mess with. I am, in actuality, a rather ordinary Pokemon (and LEGO) fan, but beyond that, would prefer to keep my identity fairly anonymous.

    Also note that the above bio is a fictitious account of my own life, as opposed to Chewiana Jones' (The character who sort-of represents me in my expansive, currently unwritten LEGO mythos, and who, in addition, holds the occupation of Pokemon professor (as one of his alternate-timeline selves), as detailed below) life, which is rather different (but he's still a time-traveler)

    Would "Pokemon" be a bit too obvious? I also like LEGO.

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