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grayzoroark
Last Activity:
Apr 20, 2012
Joined:
Jul 23, 2011
Messages:
41
Likes Received:
0
Location:
With the voices in my head
Occupation:
Eating.

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grayzoroark

Dark Type Gym Leader, from With the voices in my head

grayzoroark was last seen:
Apr 20, 2012
    1. manaphy72
      manaphy72
      hey you have been inactive in the clan lately. Check in with us please
    2. Darkrai'sShadow
      Darkrai'sShadow
      You wanna know one of my writing quirks? It's quotation marks. I hate using them, but no matter what, there's always a conversation between characters and I have to use them. I keep forgetting to put the punctuation within the quotes. In fact, I did that for the longest time before my mom finally pointed it out to me a few months ago. xD It was ridiculously hard to break that habit, but I think I've got it covered... I think.

      Anyway, my main point it that it helps a lot to reread chapters very carefully. I can read my chapters twice and I'd still miss little tiny mistakes, such as minor typos or maybe an extra comma, or such.

      I think you should focus your time into the next chapter, when you have time, though. I hate how much time school requires. It eats into your day leaving you with only a few hours of free time, if you include the time it takes to complete homework. I'm looking forward to the next summer vacation already. xD
    3. Mrs. Lovett
      Mrs. Lovett
      I'm not really the person you should be going to for a full-on critique. I barely have time to work on my own fic right now, and you wouldn't want a rushed review, now would you? :P

      But from reading what you have, I say you need the most help with sentence structure, grammar, and formatting. Description comes next. Your first chapter describes a glorious evening, for example. How so? Why is it glorious? (As a note, the way you described Mightyena is the way NOT to introduce a character. A list of qualities is lifeless. You can comment on Mightyena's size and fur color, but don't forget that you're dealing with a moving, breathing character that has a purpose and desire.)

      Your chapters are really short too. Longer chapters (generally) are more plentiful. (But don't count Word pages: focus instead on story and proper formatting, and end it only when the chapter needs to end.)

      Your first chapter should be written in such a way that the reader gets intrigued by your story. (All of your chapters should be interesting, but the first chapter carries the most weight, since it's the way the reader gauges your writing ability, and the way they decide whether they want to keep reading or not.) And if you have a really short chapter, then the reader won't have time to get immersed in the story and characters. In other words, they won't care.

      The conversation between the Umbreon and Mightyena could have been greatly expanded, since (I'm assuming) it's the basis for the chapter. It's perfectly fine to center a chapter around a conversation, but you have to make it interesting.

      That's all I can say for now. For more help, I suggest requesting a review from a more experienced author on the forums. I can't dedicate my time to this right now, but if you have a question about anything I said just now, PM me.
    4. grayzoroark
    5. grayzoroark
    6. Charmanderman
      Charmanderman
      Okay, what you do is get the image URL and highlight it, then you click the Earth and chain icon, then enter the link into the box that appears. That should work.
    7. Charmanderman
      Charmanderman
      Do you want it to be connected to an image?
    8. billybobjoefizz
    9. Silverwindstudios
      Silverwindstudios
      Your other request has been finished at the GVV Studios! Come pick it up when you want! ;)
    10. Silverwindstudios
      Silverwindstudios
      One of your requests has been finished at the GVV Studios! Come pick it up when you want! Luxray will be done by tonight. :P -Silver
    11. millarc3005
      millarc3005
      Your request at Archen's art shop has been made. Drop by and pick up your request!
    12. ~Light
    13. ~Light
      ~Light
      Your request has been made ! :) You can find it at Mew's Universe !
    14. flygon123pwn
      flygon123pwn
      lol, awesome
    15. flygon123pwn
      flygon123pwn
      maybe a distraction :D
    16. flygon123pwn
      flygon123pwn
      who cant stop staring at the little zoroarks on your sig :/
    17. Silverwindstudios
      Silverwindstudios
      ----------
      again plz put a star in it and that was really freakin fast :O, thx it looks great btw plz pm xp
      ----------
      ...? l:L 10char
    18. Extroph
      Extroph
      *hopes to ninja Silver* [IMG]
    19. Silverwindstudios
      Silverwindstudios
      Your request has been finished at the GVV Studios! :D If you require any editing, I'll be happy to do so! -Silver
    20. codeyokoo
      codeyokoo
      Your request at my shop has been made, come pick it up any time!
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  • About

    Location:
    With the voices in my head
    Occupation:
    Eating.
    Favourite Pokémon:
    Zoroark
    I stayed punk, did you

    Drawing, Video Games

    Signature

    http://i55.*******.com/zspcnk.gif [​IMG]
    mew_ and Silverwindstudios