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  • I'm glad you liked my post and have some insight into my character. It sounds like you're learning good things from your class. :)
    you're right on your observations, it's just that your defenition of a defensive pokemon seems to vary from the accepted one.
    Nothing happened to the contest. We're in the process of judging it; as I said in the thread, that's going to take time, and it will probably be measured in months (but hopefully only a few). Personally, so far I've read through all of the entries, written first-draft reviews of six of them and am working on the seventh, so by that logic I'm about halfway through the first drafts - although as it happens both of the 40+-page entries are in the half I haven't reviewed yet, so rereading them to write their reviews is probably going to take a bit longer than what I've done so far. After I've written the initial reviews, I'm also going to reread every entry again at least once to make corrections or additions to the reviews. I don't know yet how the other judges are progressing (I was going to get a status update from all of them once I've finished my initial reviews, but I suppose I might as well check on them now too if you're getting impatient), but they might be busier than me and need to take a bit longer.
    (VM 2 of 2.)

    Moreover, some of the prose was just a bit over-the-top. You've taken down the newer version of the fic. Because of that, I can't pull any specific examples, but when I said you should try writing the way you speak, it was because your writing became so flowery it was almost unnatural. This was a battle, and you were breaking out synonyms for "pooling" instead of focusing on describing what was going on. (Note: Again, because I can't offer up specific examples, I'm not saying you were literally breaking out synonyms specifically for pooling. However, that is what it felt like you were doing.) If you were writing a parody of high-brow literature, it would be acceptable to focus on making the battle look as much like a still work of art as possible, but battles are meant to be dynamic. Things happen quickly, so you can't spend a paragraph describing the way the darkness is spreading.

    In short, this is less about showing versus telling and really more about whether or not your prose is actually getting in the way of your ability to tell a story. My whole point was it felt like you were focusing a lot on trying to impress a reader with your images, but in the process, you wound up drowning out your story with it.

    Hopefully, some of this makes sense/helps you out. Let me know if it's still a bit foggy, though.
    (VM 1 of 2.)

    Er, just so we're on the same page, I just want to make sure that my point was clear.

    Telling (or at least what most people think is telling when they're referring to that phrase) is normally not as good as showing for most writers. This is because telling tends to encourage a lot of bad habits that end up being distractions. For example, if you wrote a Pokémon battle and just said that a Charmander used Flamethrower and that this was super-effective, that would be telling, and that's a bad habit to get into because that doesn't mean anything outside of a visual medium (like the games or the anime). That's why authors are encouraged to show: because it helps people to get into the habit of describing everything that happens so that the reader can get a clear picture of what's going on.

    That is not, however, what your problem was. Your problem was the fact that you focused so much on flowery prose that you wound up not saying anything at all. I'd hate to put it that way, but I actually mean that literally. There were times when you piled on so many metaphors and fancy images that it was hard to see what was going (because an objective reader could no longer tell what was and wasn't metaphor). But more importantly, there were times when you got into an image and failed to finish a sentence as a result—or worse, started in on a metaphor or an image but took so long getting to your point in that sentence that it felt like you'd forgotten what it was. (Tenses would change mid-sentence, there'd be two predicates, it'd be a run-on, or so on and so forth.) When your prose becomes so image-heavy that it gets in your way, chances are you'll need to simplify.
    According to Firebrand, you do this really often, and that's not a good sign--it's bad publicity. I ask that you please go fix the review so it doesn't look like a post that says "Hey, if you enjoyed this story, then read mine because it's similar!" or anything of that variety. You're not really supposed to think about your own story while thinking on your thoughts on the story you just read. It didn't leave a good taste in my mouth when I saw it. If anything, I was really upset.

    I think I've heard about Filipino soap operas. The only thing I was exposed to from the Philippines was the Filipino dub of Digimon. The English was okay, but I swear it was broken at times xD.
    Hey, Jireh, I appreciate the review you gave me, but I think for half of the review, you were advertising your own story, and that makes me a bit used, in a way. You should never make comparisons to your own story like that in a review, especially for half of it. You can make a small nod to it in that you are familiar with the concept, but otherwise, you are just focusing on what the story you read is and the impact it's had on you and not your story. Does that make sense?
    I see. Well, that certainly sounds interesting. Do you plan on going in politics after college?

    I'll see if I can take a look at it. I am trying to complete a few projects of my own, but I'll try and swing by there. And I'll be on the lookout to see if you applied that concept correctly.

    Well, actually, I am not taking any political classes right now. It's not a very interesting subject for me, but I do understand how the basic structure works.
    It's been a while, man. Nice to hear from you again. Anyways, my story did that? Wow. I do try to include as much of the political side to war and daily life in my story as I can, so I'm happy to hear it helped you out. Oddly enough, a majority of my newer chapters is written in Dan Brown's style, according to a text analyzer website. Nothing about Clarke in my writing from what I saw, but I did get a bit of Lovecraft.

    That's excellent! I hope it goes well for you. Revising is a hard task, but it's rewarding. Well, I can't assist much by way of internet connectivity, but I wish you good luck.
    No, I've done a two language fic. Mostly because English is my native language.

    It's an interesting idea, but how many people on this forum besides you do you think actually speak Tagalog? And of those people, how many do you think are so troubled with English that having a Tagalog translation would help them out? Just doesn't seem worth the effort.
    Yes, I do still make those. But those banners are exclusive to the group "Writers of Justice" which is why it says those. They aren't request-able.
    Thanks! But wish me the best if I actually get it done. I need to figure out how to finish it plotwise in the first place. =p (Also the idea was more just an idea for the sake of it rather than one specifically for the contest theme, but I suppose it fits.)
    Both links are intended to highlight the elitism, sense of entitlement, arrogance and other failings that permeate sects of nearly every fandom. To say they occasionally prove relevant here is an understatement.

    No, I'm not in my 50s.
    Just for a small conversation. Haven't had a conversation with other people for the past few days. It gets lonely too without someone to conversate with. But anyways, best of luck to you.
    All... right...
    Look, if you're trying to solicit a review, I'm afraid I'm going to have to pass. I don't read fan fiction, like at all. I have no interest. I write my stories, I post them, and I accrue a readership naturally. I don't have the time or inclination to read fanfics, and even if I did, PMD would not be my cup of tea.
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