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  • Hey, Leafstorm, if you want to meet Sam Halcyon, go up to Xaron, and engage a conversation with him. Then we will do a PM ICly chat. Is that alright with you?
    Yo, mind if I get a little bit of a bio on your RP char in War of the Legends? I need to be updated with this kind of thing, if that's okay with you.
    Me trying to get shinies+Endless amount of eggs that turn out to be non-shiny=Me pulling out my Katana to slice my Ds in half! lol ^^; Yah it's frustrating! I MEAN Really gamefreak? ARE YOU ALL TRYING TO GIVE US HEADACHES!!? :( Cool! E-mail! ^_^
    So what's your fav. color(s) mine are pink, green, Jet black, and crimson red! YAHOO! ;)
    Really? I had you pegged as 14. In that case, you're uncommonly well-expressed for your age, and receptive to constructive criticism. That's really impressive.
    I figured. I just thought you're not going to get much, if any help from this type of forum. If you're serious about writing, read good literature and share with other writers. NOT like fanfiction writers. Writers who also read good literature. How old are you?
    Also, "It makes me feel"? What makes you feel? Writing?

    Try, "I feel as if"
    Do you hear the way that flows better? Less forced.
    Was going to respond to your thread, but didn't want to call you out in public like that. Remember that when you post something online, people are going to read it. It's a form of publication and as such is subject to the same censure as any other publication. I'm giving you the kind of criticism you would get in a real writing class. You're not beyond help. The flow of your sentences is not terrible.

    About your piece, is the lily white, as you say, or are the petals transparent, as crystals (esp. "pure") ones are? In what way does the motion of a lily spreading petals of leaded silicon dioxide relate to a swan's wings? Do swans' wings "flutter?" I understand the motion to be a bit more powerful than that. And how do you know it's graceful as ever? What if it's a clumsy swan? If the cattails are swaying, how does the lake remain pristine? Surely the wind would ripple it. And we're not even going to get into "the mood of a dancer." All the dancers I've known have been a bit twitchy, offstage, and most of them drink quite a bit.

    Cast off cliches. You've an image, now describe it in the way you see it, not the way you've heard other people describe it. "White lily," "pure crystal," "graceful swan," &c., have been used too often. They're tired. Writing that makes an impact is writing that you yourself make. You wouldn't buy a paint-by-numbers and then tell people it's your own art, would you?

    Based on your creation of that thread without understanding the general climate of Misc., your usertitle, your location, and signature, I'm sure you're v. young, and I didn't want to be rude (at first I just thought to laugh at it and move on) but if you really want inspiration, I'm giving it to you. You are your own inspiration. And when you read something with phrases like "pure crystal," &c., drop it, and find something good. The best way to write well is to read well. Think carefully about whom you want to emulate, read that, and rise to it.
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