You're very much welcomed! I wish you luck on creating your own site. I'm sure it'll be tough but well worth it in the end. It was great hearing from you even if your time here have been short lived. Please take good care of yourself. I wish you nothing but good things to come your way.
I have blocked out some memories but just because they're blocked, it doesn't mean that I can totally forget about it like it never happened. A lot of the times, when you're talking about a past bad event, those memories spill out like diarrhea and you can't help but recall it. I know it's ok to not forget them BUT you shouldn't dwell into those events. Since I've repressed some memories, what really helps me is that I write it down in a secret document so that if I forget the exact detail of a certain event, I can go back and tell how it was. And the best part is that, once I wrote it down, it gave me a sense of peace and it helped me with moving on. I'm so sorry you had a traumatic childhood. You're a survivor who got yourself out of that position and you should be very proud of yourself for it. Funny how you say you met people who would refuse to be friends with you (or someone else) because they didn't want to get attached only to have their hearts broken. I was the opposite in a way. I would lie to not hurt their feelings even though I honestly didn't care much for them and didn't want to be their friends. I played a faÃ§ade, how they thought I was like and I knew I was a horrible person in thinking that way but I thought that was the only way for someone to like me. I do come off as aloof and emotionally detached (something my dad says all the time) but it doesn't mean that my feelings don't get hurt or how I wish I could be a certain way everyone else wants me to be. But I can't. There are reasons on why some people like us don't immediately get attached and act like we're best friends, it's mainly because we've been betrayed before in the past and figured out the obvious signs. I hope my messages now and in the future, help bring a smile to your face.
No, I don't mind at all and I read your introduction yesterday about your habit of rambling. We all do it so it's no worries! See, depression isn't like say, being transgender or bipolar whereas you can take a certain type of medicine like hormones and suddenly, you'll feel happy about yourself again. I never took anti depressants before but from what I heard, all it does is make you sleep all day or like a zombie, which isn't solving the problem. Depression is a more complex issue where each individual affected will react and cope with it a different way. Yes, professional help can really help (and something I plan on doing in the future) but if you come from a family like mine who think that going to a therapist means that you're crazy, that influence can make it seem like that it's an option. There's a widely spoken stigma against getting professional help when really, that is what will benefit the person.
I read your post on the Worst Part of My Day Thread and I decided to write you a visitor's message instead of post over there. I'm feeling the same way and yes, we can't control what unfortunate situations and events that happened in our lives and we may have said things that we may have meant at the time but regret now but the only thing that we can do to heal is to improve our situations, acknowledge our past mistakes, and move on. There isn't a cure to it's entirety but what really helps is talking to someone about it. I know there's no point in remembering bad memories but sometimes, we can't help it when we're down. There is no one who can make you happy, only you can make yourself happy. You can choose to not be overcome by your own depression and beat those demons by living life how you want or you can wallow in your own sadness. You can't change people who don't want to change themselves. Those people will try to drag you down and it's best to cut yourself from toxic people.