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NegaiFreak
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  • I'm glad to see that you're alright and still around. It's alright, it can be difficult to keep a hobby constant because of the ever-demanding Life.

    What is it you want to discuss?

    No, not recently. I'll go check it out now, though.
    Yeah! And I'm working on Iris and Ash fanfic. Iris gets mad when Ash get fangirls
    You're welcome ^_^

    Well, Ryuga might have pulled off a weird trick, and Trip would want to know how. Especially because he seemed to admire him.

    Screw Cameron.

    Ahahaha...

    Gah! School. Don't remind me.
    Perhaps maybe, "laugh nervously", "gave a forced smile"?

    It's alright, it's a common error to misinterpret characters...But still, keep it in mind as you keep writing.

    Why is it so odd, and why does it mean so much to Rex?

    True, but both Scraggy and Snivy are unevolved, and have rather lackluster attacks. They were going up against Pokémon who clearly had the upper hand before the battle even began. It felt unrealistic to me. I apologize if I seem nitpicky, but...

    Oh well, as least he isn't going to leave right after, right? He'll get to stay and have character development?

    I was half-asleep. Sue me...But I wanted to put out what I had to say before I forgot, so...

    You're welcome! ^_^
    I-I-I wasn't procrastinating and being forgetful!

    (Okay, that's a lie. I was.)

    (But I have now read it, and I've made some analyzations about it!)

    The chapter was well written, I'll give you that. There were problems, however...You overused the word "screamed"; substitute some with wirds like, "shouted", "shrieked", "yelled", and if you really need to, "screeched". Also, I realized that there is also something else; please avoid using words like "sweatdrop" "anime vein", etc. etc. It really just makes it look unprofessional. (No shame in doing so; many fanfic writers who work with snime do this, and I did too.)

    Trip seemed a little *too* cold here. Yes, I doubt he'd be too overly emotional, but he isn't void of emotion. He would at least be a little concerned about Tsubasa's condition. He isn't Paul.

    Other than that, the characters I am familiar with seem relatively in character. I can't judge characters I don't know cvery well.

    So, the opposing team is transferring Pokemon for every battle? If they learned what the rotation pattern was, our team would most certainly gain the edge. Though, it seems a bit odd. Is it against the rules?

    (Also, yay, Yuu!)

    Ash winning seemed too good to be true, though. It's a little silly for our Trainers to win thrice in a tow in battles that they had a relatively high chance of losing. Keep this in mind; try tossing in more loss scenarios for our team. It helps them grow as Trainers and people.

    Let Trip win more. He loses too much in the anime

    Welk, I'm half-asleep as I write this, so I hope it makes sense to you.

    (Sorry about your brother being crushed in his game.)

    ~Moonlight
    Ah, I see. Here's to hoping to a flashback!

    Trip vs. Ryuga? I don't know enough about Ryuga, but from what I've seen, he comes across to me as a homicidal psycho. So...I guess that means Trip needs to be careful. I mean, I don't think Ryuga trash-talks people during matches, so I don't see any mental damage coming across that way. Although, if Trip discovers the root to Tsubasa's little attack, then...He might be a little afraid? ._.
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