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rabidepicgoose

Merp 24 From Land of nostrils and goo
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  • S
    That's fine.
    So, I know that Littna's going to be all shocked upon seeing their tree fall, and she'll probably throw a tantrum over it. After that, I'm really not sure.
    S
    That's good.
    Wow, you couldn't stand reading it? I didn't think it was that bad. You just have high expectations I guess.
    Okay, good to know.
    S
    Excuse me, I'm having issues with my post. I know what I want to say, I just don't know how to say it. Could you maybe talk to me about it or come on my google doc and help me?
    S
    Okay.
    I sort of have an idea block, too - there's something I want to happen, but it's not soon enough, and I don't know what to do in the meantime. Can we talk about it?
    S
    ...Because he is. He is absolutely forced, once again on purpose. As he sees it, his single purpose is to uphold the rules and authority to make Feulis a peaceful place. He won't take any **** from troublemakers, and that's why he's forced - he wants Littna to be intimidated by him, and he also wants to sort of force the law into her, meaning that he hides any personality he has in order to seem both intimidating and stoic.
    S
    That's because it was meant to be forced. Both of them despise each other, so they don't know how to naturally act around each other, resulting in a completely forced conversation. This is also why she acts more naturally around Benji - she is less desperate to keep up the fake illusion of herself that she uses around others to convince them that she is indeed strong.
    Have a different opinion now?
    S
    Anything I can improve on?

    Okay. I'd like it if you could try to figure that out soon, but you can take as long as you need.
    S
    Well, I think you need to pick one and stick to it. It will get confusing fast if you don't.

    How are my posts, by the way? I'm mostly referring to my first one here, but I really would like an opinion on all of them. No one I've asked has told me yet, and it makes me a bit anxious. :/
    S
    Make the text on the top smaller, please. It's a pain to look at. And also, delete the 'to be continued' at the end.

    ...Other than that, that was actually a great first post. Lillian's adorable, the description was decent, and you portrayed Griff pretty well. I would've much preferred that it was in first person, but that's mostly just a personal preference, so you don't have to edit it.
    S
    Try to stick to this idea if you can, alright? I'll help you edit, but I can't tonight - I've got karate and when I get home I have other stuff to do.
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