I know... They just won't leave me alone. Appearantly, she wants me back in her life, and I just want to stray away from it all, including her. But that one girl, Feralize, won't leave me alone. She's too stubborn to leave me to it and just walk away, all for the sake of Yellow.
Believe it or not, I foresaw this. Ask Yellow and Feralize; they'll tell you that I said I'd hurt myself even more if I were to get involved with them again. And they wouldn't let go of me. I don't care about her, nor the rest of them. They've hurt me enough. And I just wanted to quit before I did anything worse. But they won't leave me alone. On ZN, they try to drag me back in. On BMGf, they try to drag me back in. Even here, it happens.
That's why I want to kill myself. To stop myself from hurting everyone. I don't care if Yellow sees me as a brother for all of the bullets I took for her. I want out. Ignore List still wouldn't help me much because the sight of them makes me relapse into anger. And even so, they know how to push my buttons enough, through law-abbiding methods, to drive me to the edge close enough to break the rules. I am the problem. The more they reach out to me, the more prone I am to going insane.
That's why I'd love to have them all banned. I've never had other shallow desires like this...but this one is to save myself. All I've asked for is to spend my final summer's remaining days in peace, and they won't even give me that...
Sorry for making you read that...