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In all the animal kingdom, nothing shits like a chicken. I don't mean that they produce a lot of it. They do, enthusiastically, but more notable than the amount is the coverage -- chickens can and will put their crap everywhere. They never go in the same spot twice. Whenever you look away from a chicken, it hides three smears of crap in places it couldn't have possibly reached. I have seen eggs come out of chickens with feces already on them. Do I know nothing about chicken tubes, or are they acrobatically pooping into each other's birth canals? Both. And I can prove it.
Every day I had to fill our chickens' water dispenser. It was like an upside-down bucket that drip-fed into a little moat. It was specifically designed so birds couldn't sit on it, and yet every day I found it filled with chicken crap. Filled. In order for that to happen, they had to be deliberately and uncomfortably backing their assholes into their own water supply. Why would you do that if you weren't trying to turn yourself into poison in order to kill your masters from inside a soup or sandwich? There was even crap on the top and sides of the waterer, which meant that the more athletic chickens were leaping over it and moving their bowels with precision timing. I swear the reason chickens run around after you cut their heads off is because their bowels still have so much to live for.
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This man understands my pain.