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  1. E

    The best way to skip time?

    You don't really need a scene break if you're just skipping a bit of traveling. Just describe it briefly in a sentence or two, or just start a new paragraph with something like "when they arrived at the restaurant" if it's not jarring to do so. It's an instinct best developed through reading.
  2. E

    All This in a Shadow

    Errors, or other things in the text I want to bring attention to, are in red, my additions are in bold. Comma unnecessary, thrummed-thrum repetition to no good effect. "Confluence" is rather a fluid word to describe wood and ivory, unless he's already supposed to be warping heavily at this...
  3. E

    Tip Jar

    Most people don't care. Very few things are going to get everyone's attention - unless you literally and unequivocally save the world (and have a good PR team) most people simply won't care. This applies to pretty much anything. If your character is incredibly beautiful, they'll turn some...
  4. E

    Different Describing Style?

    Yes, the two paragraphs are written in quite different styles; the first is more matter-of-fact and detached while the second is more hyperbolic and, as Giratina! said, conversational. My advice would be to write in whichever comes easiest to you, as you're more likely to practice that way...
  5. E

    Writing Realistic Villains

    Well, no. There tend to be intelligent people on both sides. Intelligence alone doesn't free you from bias and errors in judgment, nor does it make you all knowing or prescient, or give you exactly the same moral compass. Self-examination and logical thinking can do something to cushion the...
  6. E

    The Path of Thorns

    Chapter Two: Welcome Home Over six years had passed since the young girl called Larissa had first set out on her journey. From the back of her flygon, Alex, she could see the outskirts of Blackthorn nestled among the mountain trees below. They were travelling fast and high and she had to...
  7. E

    From the fic reviewers thread: ---------- Strengths&Weaknesses: Grammar, spelling, and context...

    From the fic reviewers thread: ---------- Strengths&Weaknesses: Grammar, spelling, and context are big things for me. I can spot fragments and the misuse of a semi-colon instantly. I'm also a walking dictionary so generally, the misuse or the uncommon use of a word will be caught immediately...
  8. E

    The Path of Thorns

    Neat, a nice long review. Thanks, Breezy! That's a good point. The way to fix it is, I think, to rewrite the second scene so that it starts with her trying to get to sleep in her tent and thinking back, so that her voice is more prominent in the narration and the sleeplessness thing is...
  9. E

    The Path of Thorns

    The Path of Thorns Index Chapter One Chapter Two A/N: The second chapter will be uploaded two days from now, as the first is so short. After that, this will be updated on a weekly basis until I clear my backlog of chapters, slow down and inevitably lose interest, leaving the story...
  10. E

    The Trainer's Guide to the Pokégalaxy

    I hate to be a curmudgeon, though not quite enough to stop being one, but I can't help but feel this is somewhat disrespectful. There's a border between homage and plagiarism, and this falls squarely on the latter side. It's just an excerpt from the guide clumsily reworded: A homage might be...
  11. E

    Well, technically, I haven't been here for some time. How long have you been back? I'm doing...

    Well, technically, I haven't been here for some time. How long have you been back? I'm doing OK, apart from the whole exam lark. P.S. Updated profile with MSN thingy. I'm not on much at the moment, though, due to aformentioned exams =(
  12. E

    HEY TALE (IN BLOCK CAPITALS)! How've you been?

    HEY TALE (IN BLOCK CAPITALS)! How've you been?
  13. E

    Yes, but your "imperfection", which ruins any possibility of a joke, is entirely your fault. I'm...

    Yes, but your "imperfection", which ruins any possibility of a joke, is entirely your fault. I'm glad you've finally realised that you were wrong, though. It's good that you can admit that, even if it is followed by a torrent of poorly crafted insults.
  14. E

    Character & Plot Design > Grammar?

    I'm afraid you're woefully mistaken as to the rules of comma usage. There is nothing incorrect about using the conjunction "and" after a comma. I don't know if you had an atrocious English teacher or if you overheard a discussion about the Oxford comma and completely misunderstood, but something...
  15. E

    Fanfiction Rules - Need YOUR Opinions

    I agree with ZF; it's terrible that people can't be bothered to learn a few simple rules before they start writing - rules such as those of English grammar or our very own forums. It's lucky, then, that we have dedicated moderators, well acquainted with both sets of rules, to keep these lazy...
  16. E

    Gravity, and theories on why it might not exist

    Er, no, there's a collosal number of problems with your theory. 1) The amount of energy and mass in the Universe is constant. Where is the enormous amount of energy required to create this mass coming from? 2) The basic premise makes no sense. Even if we were doubling in size and somehow we...
  17. E

    2008 Fanfiction Awards - Suggestions

    My only suggestion is to try and avoid making the category list bloated. You seem to be mindful of it anyway, though.
  18. E

    Apocalypse Dawning: the Preview

    | V Change it somehow, anyway. It's terrible syntax as it is. I highlighted the additional comma required. You're still having a lot of problems with punctuation, grammar and syntax. It's very distracting when trying to read something, as you have to correct it in your head as you do...
  19. E

    Dungeons and Starships: A SciFi/Fantasy contest

    That's simply not the case. I apologise if it seems like I'm getting at you, but it really has nothing to do with you personally. I stand by my concern, but it seems pointless to pursue it.
  20. E

    Dungeons and Starships: A SciFi/Fantasy contest

    Man, I hate to stir the pot, but, well... All right, first I'd like to clarify that this isn't meant to cause offence, nor is it meant as an insult. I'd just like to ask how you intend to monitor this when at least one of the judges in question doesn't know the difference between "your"...