A challenge? Describe to the best of your ability in 150 words...

[Ejunknown]

...Easy right? But small can be extremely hard to write. XD Take an object, a place, a person, whatever you want, and try describing it using any and all techniques you want. Make it something special, different, unique, or whatever you feel like. Show off your writing ability in 150 words. XD Just a little challenge should you want to participate. 150 words is about a paragraph, and it should hopefully be an interesting exercise. XD

I will be reading all of the posts and commenting, as why do people post if they don't want others to read theirs? I have found barely anyone reads others posts (me included sometimes) but in here I'll try my best to read all of them, if you want. XD More interactive thread.

Aaaand Mine, as I should take part to;

There is a soft whisper of breath in the hallowed, cavernous room, as heart beat faster, the eyes of a hundred glancing nervously, furtively, obsessively, to the clock at the front as the ominous ticking nears closer and closer to the final goal. The slight, yet overbearing heat, mingled with the slight humidity of hot breath makes the curtains shiver on their rails as, with the passing breeze of hurried steps and the monotonous yet joyful ringing of the bell, they join in the collective sigh, and watch in muted peace as the hundred leave, and the room is left in silence. The clock now gone, the hard wood floors can murmur their agreement, the windows conversing with the winds and the soft battering of sticks, and the curtains finally rest…

[SPOILER="Oh mai";]Exam room. Of some type. XD A leetle shorter than 150. XD[/SPOILER]

I'm reviving this old challenge I posted in December because I got caught up at the time and never had the chance to get bac to it, and I believe this is a good excercise. So if you are interested in taking part, please do, and I will read through them. 83

 

[Asuran]

Clouds of white sail along in the vast blue sea while, beneath the surface, fish fly through the open air. At the bottom of this ocean, trees rise up and the breeze sways them as the current does kelp. Bottom feeders move at a crawl on the rocky floor. They are unaware of the life above in the frigid air. A sudden crack of thunder and the ship begins leaking, spilling water down to the ground. The ocean is alight with the chance lightning. The sun is obscured and the children of the earth are in darkness. The birds circle down to safety and the base dwellers retreat to their obtruding caves as the ships are repaired and drift away. The sun shines over the rolling landscape. The creatures of the deep are blinded by its brilliance yet ignore it, as they return to the monotony of their lives.

 

[Ejunknown]

Lovely Asuran, I love how you continued the metaphor of the sea and life surrounding the sea through out it, and your use of descriptions in that, always relating once more back to the sea when describing completely different activities; amazing. xD Nice job! 83

My only crits; Make sure you keep the metaphor running the whole way through, so every word and image is somehow related to the sea in this instance, or to do with it. So no idle 'air', as it breaks out of the trend, if you get what I mean? Or after the first sentence you can just break out completely and go back to normal, but then you can't go back to the metaphor so lightly. XD And also, the image of ships leaking out water; ships don't leak out water, they take it in, so regardless of it being the correct action of what the real thing is, clouds, it has to work with the metaphorical thing, or it messes up. XD Just some things? 83

 

[katiekitten]

...Dun make me do dat, Eju!

I miss your 'write all you can in ten minutes' thread. ;_;

But fine. For you, deary.

The grip of the gun sat cool against her palm; she rubbed her thumb over the handle, seemingly fascinated by her reflection in the cold, dulled metal. With her pinched, petite features, framed by straight, dusky-blue hair that was tucked away behind her ears, two twilight, heavy-lidded eyes sparking with some masked emotion as she considered her appearance. Tearing her gaze away, she shifted it to the man beside her, delicate fingers closing firmly over the trigger as she waited, for a sign, for a slight shift in posture, anything to tell-

...Around 150. And I don't like that style at all. ;_;

 

[Ejunknown]

....¬.¬ I've read this before, you cheater. XD This is one of the story snippets you threw at me over MSN, in the AU universe of the roleplay you never started? :B You are in trouble, missy.

 

[katiekitten]

B-but- *caught red handed*

Fine!

How could it still move?

A loud squeak filled the small compartment once more, forcing her to grit her teeth and clamp nail bitten hands over her ears as the lift slowly dragged itself up, each movement accompanied by an entirely irritating screech as if Micky Mouse himself had been thrown into a bucket of ice water and dragged through a pile of burning coals before having each and every hair ripped from his body, shrieking his little head off all the while. She became momentarily distracted with the amusing, albeit morbid image as the lift lurched up another couple of feet, gears straining. If she’d known the trip would have been so excruciating she would have taken the stairs, although manoeuvring her suitcases up a series of flights would have been an… interesting experience, to say the least. At least she was the only person in here; a small comfort but one all the same. This way no one had to see how hard she clung to the railing, arms latched to the sides like some lovesick fangirl clutching at her idol. Plus the: Oh-my-god-I’m-going-to-die-in-a-nineteen-seventies-elevator-of-all-things fear, of course.

 

[Ejunknown]

o_____________________________o

You killed Mickey Mouse. Brutally.

...

XD

Amazing imagery, you fool, reminds me of that story -Propinquity was it?- that you started writing forever ago, man, haven't remembered that one in a long time. xD I love her thoughts, lovely.

...But it isn;t a description, you double cheater. XD

 

[Umbreon-dana]

My turn:
It is purple, with a black gripper that is a cross between leather and cotton, soft yet rubbery. A long metallic stripe coils around the median of it. The foul, sharp point can fell the mightiest beast and defeat the strongest sword in battle. The carving tool for writing, the artist’s weapon. The mighty tool that leaves behind a black, inerasable trail wherever it goes. The god of art, the mightiest weapon, the king of the job, the retractable tool. Crafted from the finest metals and plastics, it is a necessity for anyone who wants to jot down a note or write a letter to a friend. Graceful as a swan, smooth as a rock, sharp as a diamond, and black as death. Like an odd ruin, with carvings amok across it surface. It can cast the stroke of death or the stroke of life, it can create music without trouble, it outlets creativity. It has strict rules for its use, which is expected for such an awesome power. This great power is created and marketed in the millions. It does not judge, it allows anyone to use its awesome power, regardless of race, religion, background, gender, or age. It is truly god’s Earth form: the pen.

Sorry if I repeated anything. ^^;
Word Count: 207

 

[Ejunknown]

...Is this becoming a 'you post something you think is impressive, wait for my reply, suck in my praise like a sponge and then wander off' thread? xD; Yes, I'm gonna read them all and comment, but I was hoping other people would join me in being more interactive with people. This isn't something so I can read what you make, personally, this thread isn't just for me; but so you can all read what each other makes, just with me to guarantee atleast one person audience? xD;; Just a thought?

Umbreon: xD! I love your imagery of your item; very nice. 83 I'd just say, a common mistake by a lot of people writing descriptions, watch the statements. Dx Try to make it more fluid? Add in some '-ing's between points, play with the tenses. XD Also, make sure your imagery is believable, if you get what I mean? I liked your use of it, but I can not picture a material between leather and cotton. Dx;;

 

[Umbreon-dana]

...Is this becoming a 'you post something you think is impressive, wait for my reply, suck in my praise like a sponge and then wander off' thread? xD; Yes, I'm gonna read them all and comment, but I was hoping other people would join me in being more interactive with people. This isn't something so I can read what you make, personally, this thread isn't just for me; but so you can all read what each other makes, just with me to guarantee atleast one person audience? xD;; Just a thought?

Okay, I'll try to help with that. I probably won't do a good job though. I'm not a natural born critic, in real-life, I don't have much to crit on except my own work. DX

...Umbreon: xD! I love your imagery of your item; very nice. 83 I'd just say, a common mistake by a lot of people writing descriptions, watch the statements. Dx Try to make it more fluid? Add in some '-ing's between points, play with the tenses. XD Also, make sure your imagery is believable, if you get what I mean? I liked your use of it, but I can not picture a material between leather and cotton. Dx;;

Thanks! I'm glad you liked it, JR Tolkien is my unbeknownst mentor with that! XD

Thanks for the tips, I think I'm alright with descriptions, not perfect, just alright.

I was just describing what the "gripper" feels like, soft rubber. But I though just saying soft rubber would be to blunt, so I put that stupid thing in. XD

 

[Ejunknown]

XD Thank you. *hugs* XDD And Tolkein teaches us all. :heart: He taught me to read for my own enjoyment in the first place. XDDD Without him, I would be a walking cliche of a bimbo. XDD

xD Your welcome, just trying to help. 83 XD And it was no stupid at all, it is really good how you brought in another of the five sense, touch, to make the piece more realistic, just gotta watch your words. xD *snugs you*

 

[Umbreon-dana]

XD Thank you. *hugs* XDD And Tolkein teaches us all. :heart: He taught me to read for my own enjoyment in the first place. XDDD Without him, I would be a walking cliche of a bimbo. XDD

xD Your welcome, just trying to help. 83 XD And it was no stupid at all, it is really good how you brought in another of the five sense, touch, to make the piece more realistic, just gotta watch your words. xD *snugs you*

Yes he does. He is the original great author. And I would be a brainless, creativityless jock ... That's not something to smile about is it?

It was the best I could come up with, but it still was terrible. DX

Why, do people not use touch? And fogive my ignorance, but what's a snug?

 

[Ejunknown]

...:0 But with Jocks, atleast in Highschool, you get allll teh women. XDD

But only in highschool. Dx

It was not terrible. XD And it just adds an extra element that some people fprget to add in. 83 XD And a snug is shortened for snuggle. xD

 

[Burnt Flower]

Eh, I don't think this is my best writing, but I'm fond of it nevertheless. An excerpt from my old one-shot Contaminated Freedom:

I ripped his camouflage green shirt with avaricious and desirous hands, like a child desperate for a long awaited treat. I gladly sunk my teeth into the deep, purple wound, drawing the scarlet blood out with eager laps of my quick tongue. I knew Poochie would be proud of me and wouldn’t look down on my actions if he were here. I grin knowingly, imagining my Pokemon friend’s reaction as he surveyed me with sparkling, proud eyes as I tear a layer after layer of juicy muscle.

I never particularly cared for humanity, though I had protected them with everything I had and risked my life for their safety. Jake was an exception; his heart had been filled with boundless goodness, kindness and a surprising generosity that was not the norm among us disgusting and greedy humans. I know this with every part of my war-torn soul.

After all…

His heart was the last thing I tasted.

 

[Uke]

Bobbling up and down in a flower scented sea there was a bright sunshine yellow that stood out in the white bubbles. Its wide curious eyes stared up at nothing, never blinking. Yet a large cheesy smile was always on the object’s face, hiding a clever small hole in its mouth. With a small squeeze, soapy water is spat out of the creature’s mouth at a poor victim.

The rubber ducky’s smile grows wider without anyone knowing.

 

[Shrike Flamestar]

Okay, this is a little bit of cheating on my part, but who cares! This is a cut short excerpt from the new prologue I am working on for the revision of my fanfic, The Flamestar Chronicles. Basically it’s meant to give a brief and minimalistic description of the Rustboro Pokémon Academy and the city in general, the setting in which the first three chapters takes place in. Because I like the style, I went for a flyby following a wind current as it passes through the city before ending up over the Academy, lowering closer and eventually ending up in the classroom that chapter one starts out in. Along the way, primary characters are briefly pointed out as they go through their daily lives.

...However, due to the 150 word limit, I had to cut it short. <_< So I wrote in a new ending about halfway through and took out the mention of Rayne (the only character mentioned up to that point). Regardless, I still really like this, and in modifying it for posting here made some changes that I feel makes it work even better. It’s still around 200 words, but, uh...anyways, here it is:

~~~~~~~~~~

A wind rustled the trees of a large forest bordering a coastal city, towering buildings reaching high into the air. Twirling over the outlying houses, the wind squeezed between the towers, twisting between them in the maze of shining steel. As if with a sigh, the wind burst out of the buildings and into an area near the center of the city where the buildings didn’t rise as high, a campus of buildings low to the ground nested among the skyscrapers, cradled by the city around it.

The wind blew lower to the ground, low enough to touch the trees in a park enclosed between two semicircular buildings. The wind pushed the branches of the trees aside as it passed, causing them to wave to the people passing below. Coming upon a cylindrical building in the midst of the park, the wind split into two, sliding around the building’s smooth sides before rejoining on the other. Aiming for open sky again, the wind burst back above the buildings, dispersing into the air and leaving the quiet campus behind. No storm clouds were visible in the distance, but as if caused by the wind’s leave a feeling of unease settled over the low buildings.

~~~~~~~~~~

Oh, and Burnt Flower...you are just as much a twisted freak as I am, aren’t you? Just as I said over at PC about your MoS preview and how I like the description of Claire killing the Pidgey, here I like that description of the human, well eating the other human, Jake. Cannibilism isn't normally my thing, but you did it so well here. I may have to look that fic up.

I should write some gory one-shot sometime. Don’t know if I could exactly do horror well, but gore...sure! I could write a splatterfic! :O I’ve had a few gory scenes in TFC, including one spectacular massacre, but...I thirst for blood!

 

[Umbreon-dana]

Burnt Flower: That scared me and sickened me a bit with the gruesome details. I like the simile for the child desperate for a treat, it shows the lust for the flesh and blood. The "mini-metaphor" at the end about especially knowing Jake's personality by eating his heart was lovely, yet it scarred me for life. XD One thing I find missing is the taste of the flesh and blood, this is a First person narrative fic, correct? If so, you to have all the character's feelings and senses being described when they are being used. You seem to have the visual aspect and mental image down pat. You have a nac for writing horror stories.

Uke: LOL, Evil ducky. XD I like the descriptions of the flower scented sea and the bright sunshine that stands out between the white bubbles. The eye description made it seem like the duck was creepy and ominous, and the cheesy smile just backed that up. XD

Shrike Flamestar: There isn't a limit of 150 words, you can go as high as you want *points to my first post in this thread*. *ahem* Back on topic, the description you gave of the city was lovely! It allowed me to mentally picture the city well, and having the prologue from the point of view of the wind is an awesome idea! I thought the waving trees was pretty funny, yet it was realistic. From what I've read from books, trees are usually described as swaying, instead of waving. However, your description got the idea down better. The maze of shining steel was the perfect metaphor for that description in paragraph one. I also like how the wind splits and reforms and changes size and whatnot, it makes it seem a lot like the wind. I also love the description of the low altitude academy being cradled by the towering buildings, it makes it seem like the academy stands out in the large city as one of the smallest, but the most important.

Keep up the good work, all of you.

 

[Ventus3]

((Ok, here's a little something! XD Here's a poem!))

Her heart,
a broken children's dream.
She dances, angry that her keeper abandoned her.
Her malicious smile, the zipper on her smile,
she cannot show her true sorrow,
her true anguish.

She was once a cute little doll,
the one that all the girls wanted.
A little girl bought her at the toy store,
the girl talked to her but never expected the doll to talk back,
all until one day when she did.
The girl and her mom, scared, threw her away,
she could not cry, she was just a doll.

Her rage grew, but she kept her smile,
her body became black and spectral.
She now haunts that little girl's home,
she wants her answer, so that she can move on.
On to the world of spirits,
where they do not suffer,
but just lie, in a peaceful slumber for all eternity,
and this spirit,
they call her the seeker of her master,
for that is the only way she can be set free,
she is Bannette.

((Sorry if I went under or slightly over.))

 

[Umbreon-dana]

Ventus3: *gasp!* What a coincidence, I have a Bulbasaur named "Venust" on my Diamond! Anyway, you can go as high as you want for characters. *ahem* That's a really lovely poem, I think that it describes Banette's feeling to a "t". I like how when her rage grew, her body became black and spectral and she transformed into Banette. The second stanza is my favorite, it gives plot and the reasons the doll transformed into Banette to the poem. The third stanza is good aswell, it explains why Banette is still on Earth, she just wants her answer. Keep up the good work.

 

[Ejunknown]

Burnt: LoveLOVE how you did this. xD! Paticularly, how you talk about and present the characters actions and thoughts; althoguh he is doing such horrific things, you don't excentuate what he is doing but just describe his thoughts, whilst leaving the descriptions of his actions literal, telling us exactly what he is doing with no slant, the slant being given by how he takes it so flippantly. xD Amazing, exspecially the last part. :heart: And the guy is a human? Even better.

This reminds me so much of Hannibal Lector. xD

Uke: XD! Cute. I love how he grins wider after soaking someone; evil cute duck. <3

Flamestar: I especially loved the last line, the feeling of unease at the end of the wind. xD! I like it, although I would say more of 'the forest' and 'the coastal city', just to say you are more talking about it, if you get what I mean? But that is just me. xD Very good introduction; although maybe I'd try to make the wind's flow more fluid? Hmm. Just when reading, I rearranged a bit of it in my head, and it just felt better with the rest of it. XD I'll show you what I'm talking about;

"A wind rustled the trees of the large forest bordering the coastal city, the overtowering buildings stabbing high into the air as it twirled over the outlying houses, causing the air to shiver in anticipation as it squeezed between the towers, and twisted through the maze of shining steel."

A wind rustled the trees of a large forest bordering a coastal city, towering buildings reaching high into the air. Twirling over the outlying houses, the wind squeezed between the towers, twisting between them in the maze of shining steel.

Just messing with tenses. xD;; Very rough, I hate the repetition of air, but I can't remember my original variation. xDD; I think the thing is (although it truly, is not a problem, just a suggestion) is that I find it kind of simple, and it just needs a bit more?

But that is probably just me. xD I did like it, the comments I made were more personal preferences. xD

*squishes Umbreon* You are amazing, you know that? XD <3 Thank you. ;_;

Ventus: XD! I love the last rhyming couplet. <3 I like it, especially how you kept on referring back to her smile. xD Only thing; "child's", instead of "children's". But very nice!