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A New Path

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by jeffdavid102, May 27, 2012.

  1. jeffdavid102

    jeffdavid102 TSS Forever

    All right well this is my fanfic. I did this as a request for someone in my clan and all of the characters are based on clan members. It is a trainer travelling around Unova, but soon after his first gym battle, realizes he wants to take another path other than gym battles. It won't be the average "go around beating gyms" fanfic. So enjoy and sorry for waiting so long before posting the beginning. This isn't going to be seperated in any way like chapters unless you count posts. I would say this is rated G, but that could possibly turn into PG later in the story. Please comment

    Birthday Morning

    Jeff awakened on Monday morning, ready to receive his first birthday gift. The best part was that it was his tenth birthday.

    Today, he would receive his first Pokémon. He sat up in bed, fully awake, in contrast to his normal lethargic mornings.

    Going to his twin sister’s room, he saw that Jessica was already fully awake and packing her backpack for their imminent journey. Professor Juniper had a trio of elemental Pokémon at her lab. Each of them would get one. Jeff felt a little bad for the one Pokémon who would be left out. Jessica hefted her bag onto her shoulder and exited the room. “You had better get ready Jeff. You do not want to keep the Professor waiting.”

    Silently agreeing, Jeff returned to his room and scrounged through the pile of clothes on his floor. He heard Jessica marching down the stairs, to shouts of elation from their mother. He rolled his eyes at them. Their mom fawned over his sister, while Jeff took to the shadows. Finishing packing his clothes, he stuffed the Pokedex that he bought just three days ago in his shirt pocket.

    Then, he went to the kitchen. He saw Jessica sitting at the table with a large plate of chocolate chip pancakes soaked with syrup and covered in butter. His mom was staring at her as though there was nothing else in the world more interesting. Glancing at Jeff, she half-heartedly muttered a ‘Happy Birthday.’ “There are no more pancakes. You can help yourself to some of the bagels on the counter.” Jeff walked to the ugly cinnamon raisin bagel near the sink. Banging it on the tabletop, he was surprised the granite did not crack.
    Knowing that he would get nothing better, he stuffed it in his pocket and walked out the door.

    “Where do you think you’re going,” his mom asked. “You do not even have your birthday present. I think it will help you on your journey.” She tossed him a crudely wrapped spherical package, and after hopefully ripping open the paper, he held a red and white Pokeball to catch wild Pokémon on his journey. As Jeff turned to thank his mother, Jessica flashed her shiny, new Ultra Ball at him.

    In anger, he muttered, “Thanks,” and walked out the door. He nibbled on his bagel as he walked to Professor Juniper’s lab and surprisingly did not break a tooth. There, he saw his friend. The professor was more of a mother to him than his actual mom. Greeting him cheerfully, she led him into her lab.

    “You will have the choice between three Pokémon. They are Oshawott, Tepig, and Snivy. Choose well.” They made a left into a side room. There, Pokémon food lined the wall. Standing on a table to the side were his three potential partners. A green snake stood on two legs off to the side, confidently. It’s tail ended with large leaf. Coming from its shoulders were two yellow leaf-like swirls that matched the color of the eyelids. This had to be Snivy. The other two were less impressive. A blue-bodied bipedal creature stood all the way to the left. Its white had two stubby, dark blue horns. It also had a low, brown nose. Reaching to its stomach, Oshawott pulled a seashell off of his fur and waved the scalchop at Jeff. The final Pokémon was in the center, with a determined expression. Unlike the other two, he had four legs. Its body was orange besides for two patches of black. One, near its curly tail, had a shape similar to a diaper. Another one started from its red snout and continued to the back of its head, covering each of its ears. It was broken by a slash of yellow fur up the middle. Tepig cheerfully snorted embers from its nostrils as Jeff looked it over.

    It was obviously Snivy who was strongest. However, Tepig had the best personality. He felt sorry for Oshawott. The only trainer who would take it would just want a good laugh in a battle. Remembering how much Jessica pined for a Snivy, he made his choice. “Professor. I choose Tepig.”

    At these words, Oshawott seemed a little crestfallen, but Tepig snorted in happiness. Snivy’s eyes widened a little, because she had rarely seen a Pokémon taken when there was a choice of a Snivy. She regained her composure quickly, knowing the next trainer would quickly pick her over Oshawott. Juniper was also slightly shocked.

    She handed Jeff Tepig’s Pokeball, and a beam of red light absorbed Tepig into the ball.

    Professor Juniper knew about his mom’s favoritism towards Jessica and she often gave him amazing birthday presents. “I was planning to get you a Pokedex, but I heard that you had bought your own. So, I got you a set of revives for your journey.”

    Jeff rolled his eyes happily. “You just can’t keep a secret, can you,” he said as he took the box of diamond shaped, yellow revives. “Thanks Juniper. Bye!” Jeff walked out of the lab waving, ready to begin his journey.

    The Journey

    Jeff began on his journey, marching into route one. Glancing at the formidable tall grass in front of him, he decided that he should have company until he was more used being around wild Pokémon.

    Releasing Tepig from the Pokeball, Jeff realized he did not know any of Tepig’s attacks. “Tepig, show me all of your attacks!” Tepig glanced apprehensively at his trainer before launching flecks of flame from its nostrils over the dry grass, causing it to burst into flames.

    “AHHHHHHHH! That’s a nice ember Tepig, but you set the WHOLE FIELD ON FIRE! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO!!!” Immediately, coming from the direction of Jeff’s town, came a stream of liquid, battling with the flames, causing steam to shoot into the air, sending the chubby Pidoves swerving away from the updraft.

    Two of them crashed into a nearby tree and slid to the ground, unconscious. Turning to the source of the water, Jeff saw a trainer standing with the Oshawott from the lab. The boy was Epouvantail, Epou for short. Jeff did not know him well, but he knew that Epou turned ten several days earlier, but his overprotective parents refused to let him on his journey. The arguments coming from his had been disturbing the silence of the town for the entire weekend. “Well there are two Pidoves right there and we’re both responsible for knocking them out. Do you want one of them?”

    Jeff expanded a Pokeball and threw it at the feebly stirring Tiny Pigeon Pokémon. The ball shook once, twice, three times until it wobbled to a stop. Jeff walked to his new partner, who laid besides Epou’s newly captured Pidove. After tossing Epou’s Pokeball to him, Jeff picked up his own and tried to put it in his backpack, which was already dangerously full. Finally, he clipped it onto his belt, and decided to trash some stuff at the next town.

    Epou, however, looked less than happy. “I finally convinced my parents to let me get a Pokémon and what happens? You. You and your sister happen. I wanted Snivy. Then, as I entered the lab, your sister comes out of it with her new Snivy. Tepig would have been my second choice, but of course you have it there. You don’t even know how to handle it. If it wasn’t for me, this whole field would have burned down.” Jeff normally would get angry at a comment such as this and challenge the kid to a fight. Now, he could do so much better. He could battle Epou.

    “How about a battle Epou. Two on two, as soon as our Pidoves are healed.” Jeff then turned his back before waiting for an answer, and continued on the path to Accumula Town with Tepig at his heels. Once out of eyesight, he started to sprint forward, wanting to scout out the battlefield early for a tactical advantage.

    Tepig was running as fast as it could besides him, but was falling behind. Jeff turned around as he heard Tepig scream in determination. Its body became cloaked in flames as it charged forward, leaving Jeff in the dust. Tepig continued to use Flame Charge until it slammed into a tree and was knocked out, causing branches to fall all around it.

    Returning it to the Pokeball, Jeff sighed and continued to run until he reached Accumula town, where he entered the Pokémon Center. Nurse Joy healed his Pokémon, then he left, to explore the town and find a good spot for his imminent battle. Entering the park, he found a field with white lines, the kind that Pokémon battles are on. Taking his Pokedex out, he decided to find the data of Tepig and Pidove. Jeff was soon overwhelmed by the complex machinery. He started button mashing until an interesting screen popped up. It showed the attacks of nearby Pokémon. Tepig was listed as having the following attacks: Ember, Flame Charge, Tackle, Smog, and Rollout. Pidove had a less than impressive movepool. The only attacks it had were Gust and Leer.

    Of the two of them, Pidove needed a lot more training. However, it was always great to have a tank back up the team, once your opponent has been weakened, they blow through their teams. Maybe Jeff could use the kind of team that, once the enemy has finally defeated a giant powerhouse, another takes its place. He finally decided on using Pidove first to battle any willing passing trainers. “Pidove. You’re up first.”

    Noticing a trainer with a Sewaddle on his back, Jeff challenged him to a battle. “Your Sewaddle against my Pidove, how about it?” The boy nodded. The two trainers walked to the battlefield, standing on rectangles at either end. Each of their Pokémon stood in front of them and the battle commenced. “

    Pidove, use Gust!” The Pokémon flapped its wings and created powerful winds that slammed into Sewaddle, buffeting the leaf around its head back.

    “Sewaddle, fight back with a String Shot!” A sticky substance shot out of Sewaddle’s mouth and hit Pidove’s wing. As the Pokémon continued to fly, the String Shot wrapped around it, hopelessly entangling Pidove in a sticky mess.

    “Pidove! You need to get out of that!” Jeff could not believe that Pidove might lose its first battle at such a huge type advantage. As Pidove struggled, Sewaddle launched a Razor Leaf, hitting the Tiny Pigeon Pokémon and the string shot, though it did not break it. “Come on Pidove!” Jeff’s Pokémon’s shoulders moved, obviously showing its attempts to flap its wings. Then, the String Shot glowed blue. Pidove stopped struggling and its movements became more deliberate and less of a desperate attempt to escape. Blades shot out from its wings, destroying the String Shot and continuing to Sewaddle, hitting it hard, and knocking it into unconsciousness.

    “Pidove! You learned Air Cutter! Good job!” Pidove dove through the air, happily cooing in happiness. The other trainer returned Sewaddle, congratulated Jeff, and jogged away in the direction of the Pokémon center. “All right, nice job Pidove. Let’s find another challenger.”

    At that point a familiar voice called out, “Hey Jeff, how are you doing?” He looked back and saw Jessica walking up to him. “I guess we both had the same idea. How about we have a Pokémon battle?” Jeff nodded enthusiastically. “How many Pokémon have you caught, bro?” “I only have two,” Jeff responded. “Good, me too,” Jessica responded. “This will be a two-on-two battle.”

    Tossing a Pokeball into the air, she shouted, “Come on out Lillipup!” A quadrupedal Pokémon popped out, baring its miniscule teeth. Lillipup had a close resemblance to a puppy. It had a brown body except for some tan fur covering its face like a mask. “Mom helped me catch this one. She knocked it out, but I am the one who actually caught it.”

    Seeing as Jeff had not returned Pidove to its Pokeball, Jessica asked him, “Are you going to be using that Pidove or the Tepig you got from Juniper. Contemplating his choice for a few seconds, Jeff decided to use Pidove at first. “Pidove, you’re up.” Pidove swerved onto the battle field and hovered about four feet in the air. Looking at her Lillipup, Jessica spoke.

    “Let’s roll.” Jeff commanded Pidove first. “Use gust!” Pidove flapped its wings, creating a whirlwind that surrounded Lillipup. The Puppy Pokémon dug its small claws into the ground to no avail. It was hurled back and hit the ground hard. As it got to its feet, Jessica finally gave it a command.

    “Use Roar!” Lillipup opened its mouth as far as it could, which was only about two inches and it barked. The noise was accompanied by sound waves that surrounded Pidove. Jeff’s Pokémon was converted into red energy and it returned to its Pokeball. Another one of Jeff’s Pokeballs opened by itself and Tepig came out. Jessica told him how this happened, though he was already well aware of the effects of Roar.

    “It forces you opponent to switch Pokémon and it sends out a random Pokémon in its place. Since you only had one other Pokémon, it had to be Te-Why are you ignoring me?”

    This last part came because Jeff seized his opportunity to attack as Jessica spoke. She had stopped talking just in time to see Tepig barrel into Lillipup while using Flame Charge. Lillipup got up, but barely. It was obviously weakened from the attacks of each of Jeff’s Pokémon. Tepig was much faster now after using Flame Charge.

    “Tepig, finish it with Smog!” Tepig billowed smoke out of its nostrils which surrounded Jessica’s Lillipup. When the air cleared, Lillipup was still standing but something was off on it. It’s face was not its normal color. It was a light purple. “Smog must have poisoned Lillipup,” Jeff stated. Jessica tried to order Lillipup. “Use Tackle!” Lillipup made a desperate surge forward, but after three steps, it collapsed. Returning Lillipup to its Pokeball, Jessica seemed upset.

    “That was no fair. How was I supposed to win if Lillipup got poisoned. Then you also attacked while I was talking. No fair!” Jessica’s whining angered Jeff.

    “Mom is not here to make sure you get your way all the time anymore. This is the real world. Sometimes, you might lose.” Jessica was past surprise on this. She was shocked and angry. She thought that her brother was too immature to be handling Pokémon.

    “I am going to win! Go, Snivy!” The Grass Snake Pokémon from Juniper’s lab came out. “Use Leaf Tornado!” Snivy jumped into the air and began spinning. It looked like an upside-down top because of its large leaf at the bottom and pointy nose at the top of its head. Leaves seemed to generate out of midair as they flew around Snivy’s body. The funnel of foliage flew at Tepig.

    “Dodge with Rollout.” Tepig somersaulted out of the way and continued to roll, gaining speed and power constantly. The rolling ball that was Tepig turned to the side and headed straight for Snivy. Jessica’s Pokémon flew away as Tepig rammed into it, landing in the small indentation Lillipup created after being hit by Pidove’s gust.

    “Snivy! Use Leech Seed!” Out of its mouth, Snivy shot a single brown seed at Tepig as it closed in for the kill. It lodged itself into its fur. As Tepig was spinning, the seed hit the ground and sent Tepig flying through the air, though dislodging Leech Seed in the process. Tepig struggled to its feet. Feeling desperate, Jeff shouted at Tepig. “Use Ember! We need to finish this battle!” Jessica was beginning to regain her confidence. “Snivy use Leaf Tornado!” Tepig shot a weak wall of flames as the Leaf Tornado was flying at it, whistling through the air. The fire that Tepig shot helped, however. It disintegrated the leaves, but could not even reach Snivy. “Tepig return, you did well,” Jeff said, returning Tepig to its Pokeball. “Come on out Pidove!”

    Jessica growled. “Don’t let Pidove hit you Snivy! Use Leaf Tornado to stop it!” Jeff ordered Pidove. “Dodge until you see an opening, then use Air Cutter.” Snivy’s attack came quickly, but Pidove spiraled through the air, deftly dodging everything shot at it. Once directly above Snivy, it could not be hit.

    There it launched its Air Cutter. Circular blades of air that looked similar to what might be found on a saw rushed downward, striking Snivy, and plowing it into the ground and earning Jeff a win. “Nice job Pidove!” Jessica, however, was not happy.

    “Get away Jeff. I should have won. Your Pokémon are weak, but you won by pure luck. I’m beating you next time.” At the comment ‘Your Pokémon are weak,’ Pidove began twittering in agitation. Jeff watched in silence as his sister walked away.

    “Don’t mind her,” he said to his Pokémon. She is used to having everything she wants. That spoiled brat is not worth any trouble. Return.” As a red beam recalled Pidove into its Pokeball, Jeff decided that he had enough of Accumula Town. Striaton City was next and there was a Pokémon gym there. That would be the best spot to make his Pokémon team more powerful. Leaving the park, he waved at the Sewaddle trainer who was battling with a wild Venipede.

    He must be bug trainer, though Jeff. At the gate near the entrance to the route, a woman stood behind a desk, reading one of Rick Riordan’s books. “Oh Percy, you should know weasels scare basilisks away,” she said absentmindedly. “Sorry. I just love these books.” Jeff exited the gate and saw a small grass field bordered by trees. A few trainers were walking by. Several asked Jeff to battle. “Sorry. I would like to get to Striaton City. I am going to have a gym battle there and I want it as soon as possible,” he answered every time they wanted to battle.

    Funny, Jeff thought. I feel as if I should not be able to refuse their challenges. Good thing I can. That would be annoying. The thought of trainers that were impossible to escape was not very intimidating to Jeff. It would simple irritate everyone who had to get somewhere quickly. As two fences started on either side of him, the trees began to thin.

    A green shape about the size of toddler lunged out of the thinning trees on his right. Though it seemed that it was attacking at first, Jeff soon realized it was running away. The Pokémon was monkey-like with a crown of broccoli on its head.

    It hit the ground in front of Jeff and attempted to leap into the woods on the left. Unfortunately, its foot slammed into the fence and the Pokémon’s face slammed into the dirt.

    Three red Pokémon landed and quickly formed a triangle around the fallen monkey Pokémon. They were similar in shape, but they did not have the broccoli on their heads. Instead a swirl of fur rested on its forehead. Jeff acted quickly.

    As one of the fire monkeys launched a fireball at the green monkey on the ground, Tepig materialized as a bulwark The fireball exploded on Tepig, but did not do much damage. Embers shot in all directions, but Tepig stopped them from hitting the green monkey. “Tepig, use Rollout!” Tepig jumped into the air and threw its body forward, slamming into the fire monkey that launched the fireball.

    As Tepig fell to the ground, it began spinning and gaining momentum. Making a sharp turn, it made its course point to one of the cronies. The monkey launched a stream of flames at Tepig, but they did not stop it. Instead, they were absorbed into the Rollout attack and coated Tepig’s body. Tepig slammed into the monkey for maximum damage and it went down, immediately unconscious. Tepig continued to circle the green monkey, creating a flaming wall between it and its attackers.

    Knowing that Tepig would do its job well, Jeff sent out Pidove. The Tiny Pigeon Pokémon came out of the Pokeball and took the scene in before it. The leader of the red monkeys got to its feet and leaped at Tepig, but could not break the wall of flames.

    “Pidove! Use Gust and blow those red monkeys back into the forest. Winds roared from Pidove’s wings and hit the red monkeys, ignoring Tepig and the monkey it was protecting. The unconscious one blew away quickly. The one that had not been hit at all stood its ground, sometimes blowing back several feet. At one of these points, it hit its head on the fence and lost its balance. It blew into the woods, hit a tree, and kept going into the darkness.

    The leader, though weakened, refused to give in. Its feet created ruts in the ground, but it eventually succumbed to Pidove’s Gust and went into the woods with its cronies.

    “Tepig, you can stop now. Tepig halted its spinning and the flames died. Returning each of his Pokémon to his Pokeballs, Jeff pulled out his Pokedex. Scanning over the broccoli monkey, a name appeared. PANSAGE-Attacks: Bullet Seed, Scratch, Fury Swipes, Bite, Dig. “Very powerful,” Jeff muttered. “It’s pointless being so strong when it is three on one.”

    Scooping it up into his arms, Jeff entered Striaton City. Fortunately, the Pokémon Center was not far. Nurse Joy saw Pansage in Jeff’s arms and hurried over to them. She called a Pokémon over from behind the counter. “Audino, we need medical attention.” A peach colored bipedal Pokémon walked over. Pink fur was on its back and wrapped around Audino like a coat. Its blue eyes unsettled Jeff, though it was basically a pink and tan Pokémon with giant ears. “Audino, use Heal Pulse.” Audino closed its eyes and held out its arms. They glowed pinker than usual with energy. That light shot suddenly into Pansage’s body. Pansage opened its eyes and got up, revitalized.

    “Is that Pansage yours? It obviously wants to join you.” Jeff shook his head. “I don’t have any Pokeballs. My mom only gave me one, so I could only catch one Pokémon. I’ve used it on a Pidove.” Nurse Joy smiled and pointed to the corner. “Over there is a PokeMart. Every new trainer gets five Pokeballs for free. Normally, friends or family give them to you. I do not know why your mom did not give you yours.” Jeff knew exactly why this was. She decided to give four of them to Jessica and gave me one of them. Jessica got her five too. So she got nine Pokeballs and an Ultra Ball, but I only got a single Pokeball. Unfair.

    However, Jeff gladly walked over and stuffed four Pokeballs into his bag. Picking up the fifth, he turned to Pansage. “Do you want to come with me? I can protect from any more Pansear that want to attack you.” Jeff had looked up the name of the fire monkey while Audino healed Pansage. The Grass Monkey Pokémon happily jumped up and landed on Jeff’s head. Chuckling, Jeff pressed the Pokeball to Pansage’s forehead. The Pokémon immaterialized and formed red energy, which was sucked into the Pokeball. The ball vibrated slightly several times in Jeff’s hand, but stayed closed. Clipping it onto his belt, Jeff noted the process he has made on his journey. He already had half of a Pokémon team. Exiting the Pokémon center, Jeff turned left and headed down the road.

    A tall bald man clad in leather, lurking in the shadows of on alleyway, approached him at one point, but Jeff sent out Pansage and the hooligan backed off.

    Finally, he saw a towering restaurant in front of him. Fortunately, he worked for their neighbors, so he had a large sum of money since he had nothing to ever spend it on. Walking in, he noticed three waiters rushing around. One had red hair, one had a spike of green hair, and the third had blue hair hanging in front of his face. As he plopped down at a table, the green waiter walked over. “Hello, I am Cilan. I am your server for today. What would you like?”

    The next five minutes made Cilan regret he ever said that. He was forced to replace his pencil four times as each ran out of lead. When he had finally finished, all three of the waiters could not keep up with bringing him food. When Jeff had finally taken the final bite of his last cheeseburger, he spoke to the red headed waiter, whose name was Chili.

    “One more thing.” Chili flinched, apprehensive of making more food. “Where’s the Pokémon gym?” Chili sighed in relief. “You’re standing in it. Me and my two brothers, Cress and Cilan, run the gym. You can choose what form of battle you want to do.” Cress and Cilan walked over fearfully. “Are….are you done eating?” asked Cress. Chili nodded happily. “He’s a new challenger. By the way, I thought we gave free meals to challen—Ah!”

    That last part was because Cilan and Cress simultaneously stomped on his feet. Wincing in pain, Chili tried to smile at him. “So what will it be? What kind of battle will you have? You can either choose to battle any of us, two of us, or all of us in a triple battle.” Jeff pondered his choices. Knowing that all of his Pokémon could use work, he made his decision. “I want to do a triple battle. All of you against me. Right here. Right now.”

    The three brothers smiled at each other. They turned and walked towards the back of the restaurant. “Wait…where are you doing? Don’t you run from me!” Jeff shouted at them as they strolled to a door. “This,” Cilan said, opening the door, “is our battlefield.” Jeff walked in confidently, but stumbled as he took in the room in front of him. The field…was a mountain. At the top stood a brazier, roaring with flames. Where vegetation did not grow, waterfalls pounded down and disappeared into the foot of the mountains. The trees bore wonderful fruit. Though Jeff noticed no healing fruits such as Sitrus Berries and Oran Berries, there were apples and bananas. At least I won’t be hungry, thought Jeff, smiling as he thought of the extravagant meal he had just had.

    Chili turned to him. “You start here. We are going to the other side. You cannot leave the mountain once you enter unless you hit the button on the way out. That signals to us that you quit,” he said, gesturing to the red button on the wall. “Now, wait here and when you here the buzzer, enter the battlefield.” The trio of brothers walked away and disappeared around the mountain. After about thirty seconds, a puffball flew over Jeff’s head. It had a heart-shaped hole where its nose should have been and it flew on two small wings. From that hole, a giant sound wave blasted down, echoing around the battlefield. I guess that’s the buzzer, thought Jeff.

    He released Tepig, Pansage, and Pidove from their Pokeballs. “Stay close to me. This is a gym battle.” Having no other plan, Jeff decided to walk halfway up the mountain and then circle it. After estimating that he was at the midway point, he turned right and continued walking. Soon, how ever, he saw on of the waterfalls. As he was going to turn back, Jeff noticed something. About fifteen feet down the mountain was a tunnel, going under the waterfall. Walking under it, he examined the wall and the roof. Steel beams reinforced it, insuring the water did not crash down.

    As he exited the tunnel with his Pokémon at his feet, there were shouts around him.

    “Panpour! Use Water Gun!”

    “Incinerate them Pansear!”

    “Pansage, block escape with Vine Whip!”

    From in front of them came a blast of fire. Closer to the top of the mountain was where the source of a stream of water was. Jeff and his Pokémon jumped back into the tunnel just in time before vines from further down on the mountain covered the entrance.

    “Tepig! Use Ember!” Jeff shouted angrily due to the gym leaders’ trickery. Tepigs attack set the vines on fire, causing them to withdraw.

    Jeff heard Cilan’s voice “Pansage you’re on fire!” Jeff then heard a splash. Pansage had obviously jumped into the waterfall to put out the fire.

    “Pidove, fly above the waterfall and use Air Cutter on Pansage when you see it. Pidove did fly up, but soon, it was dodging blasts of fire and water. “Let’s help”. Exiting the tunnel again, Jeff saw Chili and Cress ordering their Pokémon, Pansear and Panpour, to attack Pidove. “Tepig! Use Ember to stop Pansear’s Incinerate! Pansage, hit Panpour with Bullet Seed!” Pansage did this easily. Soon, Panpour began to cower behind trees, dodging the shots of the machine gun that was Pansage.

    Tepig, however, was not doing well. The Ember attack hit the Incinerate, but was not powerful enough to break through it. Chili, noticing this, ordered Pansear to aim for Tepig directly. Beads of sweat formed on Tepig’s snout, but Incinerate was too powerful. It struck Tepig and the Fire Pig was blown backwards. Tepig struggled to its feet. “Tepig!!! You need to beat Pansear!”

    Tepig gave a squeal of defiance and began to glow. Its back legs grew and shot its body into the air. Its front legs, now off the ground, did not go back down. Tepig grew bigger and taller until its evolution stopped. When the glow subsided, a new Pokémon stood in Tepig’s place. This one was bipedal and stood flexing its arms. Its brown fur now resembled a leotard rather than a diaper and its curly tail was much larger. Jeff recognized it as a Pignite. “Pignite! FULL POWER ATTACK!”

    Pignite began to snort flames, but that soon turned into a stream of fire, blasting through Pansear’s Incinerate and hitting Chili’s Pokémon. It blasted back and hit a tree. “Pignite. You learned Flamethrower.”

    Then, Jeff noticed Pidove cooing as Cilan recalled his Pansage. “Pidove. Help out Pansage.” Pidove flew over, but Pansage did not need the help. There was a hole in the ground where it was launching Bullet Seed before and Panpour watched the ground nervously. However, it was watching the wrong place. Pansage popped out at the root of a tree and toppled it. It feel down and Panpour leaped out of the way, putting itself into the open. Pansage launched a Bullet Seed as Pidove sent an Air Cutter attack flying at it. Panpour succumbed to unconsciousness.

    Pidove and Pansage turned to face where Pignite and Pansear were battling. Pignite charged forward and hit Pansear with its arms. Then it punched it with its other arm. Pignite continued to pummel it with its newly learned Arm Thrust attack and Pansear fainted. The gym leaders walked over with forced smiles on their faces. “How…..nice,” said Cilan. “You won. Congratulations. Here is your Trio Badge,” he said, handing Jeff a badge separated into three sections; one green, one blue, and one red.

    • Jeff)(4 Pokeballs, 6 revives, Trio Badge)
    • Pignite- Ember, Flame Charge, Tackle, Smog, Rollout, Flamethrower
    • Pidove(Male)-Gust, Leer, Air Cutter
    • Pansage-Bullet Seed, Bite, Dig, Scratch, Fury Swipes

    • Jessica(Ultra Ball, Eight Pokeballs)
    • Snivy-Tackle, Leaf Tornado
    • Lillipup-Roar, Tackle

    • Epou
    • Oshawott-Water Gun
    • Pidove(Female)
    Last edited: May 30, 2012
  2. great story man my favorite part was the beginning of Birthday morning
  3. jeffdavid102

    jeffdavid102 TSS Forever

    thanks man, though i think my story improved closer towards the end, where i got into things a bit more
  4. PokeSonic

    PokeSonic The Pluvius

    the story is amazing,love it,keep up the good work jeff!
  5. jeffdavid102

    jeffdavid102 TSS Forever



    “Thanks,” muttered Jeff, putting his badge inside his pocket. Then, he turned and began to walk away, while the Gym Leaders muttered what sounded like death threats between themselves. As he walked through the tunnel, a hand seemed to shoot out of the wall itself.

    It grabbed Jeff’s arm and yanked him hard, and Jeff fell through the wall, into an abyss of darkness. Jeff began to fall, but a huge shape swooped underneath him and he landed on its back.

    The Pokémon resembled a large eagle. It had a poof of feathers behind its head and a red back. Jeff leaned dangerously over the side of the Pokémon to see a dark blue underside with giant yellow talons. Jeff had no choice but to ride the bird Pokémon. As he did, he checked the name of the Pokémon. It was a Braviary and it belonged to another trainer, according to his Pokedex.

    The Pokémon was flying towards a light in the middle of the cavern. As they neared it, Jeff could make out the shape of a camp, complete with tents ands a roaring orange bonfire—the source of the light. Braviary landed in the middle of a pavilion, buffeting the tents with its wings. As Jeff climbed off, several figures came out of the tents, but most stood by the edges of the pavilion. An old man slowly walked over with the help of a cane.

    “Ah. New arrival. This is our humble camp. What is your name, young man?” Jeff’s eyes scanned the scene around him. Then he answered.

    “My name is Jeff. I have a few questions myself. What is this place?! And how did I fall through the wall. It was solid all right. I know. I need answers. Now!”

    The old man chuckled. “Just calm down. You’ll get answers all right. My name is Sonic. This is the revolution. We want to do away with all of the Pokémon gyms. Just listen,” he said, because Jeff started to speak up. “You saw how those gym leaders acted. They are horrible. When a challenger wins a badge, they see it as thievery. Now, winning the badge itself. Well, that’s a whole different story. They use trickery and lies to win. Every gym leader does this. Those three never started on the other side. They just got into position to attack you as soon as you walked into that clearing. Yet, you still won. You are really powerful. We have infiltrated most of the gyms. However, we still need to get past one more. Will you join us? We shall war the gym leaders. We are going to wait until our numbers are great enough to win.”

    Jeff was completely shocked. He stared around at the camp. There were people everywhere. To think that they needed his help; Jeff’s help; well, that was amazing. “I’ll join. By the way, what’s the only gym you have not infiltrated?”

    The old man’s head drooped a little. “The Nacrene City gym. It would not be hard, but the Gym Leader, Lenora, has a Herdier. It sniffs us out wherever we go. She has not realized our true intentions. Lenora believes we are just trying to get books from her library without signing up for a library card. We need to find a way to put that Herdier’s nose out of action. You can help us. We have tunnel systems running beneath Unova. Two very important members control the subway system. Transportation is not an issue. First, you do not have enough Pokémon. You need to go around Unova and form a powerful team. This is vital.”

    Jeff stared, trying to take it all in. “First though, I think there’s someone here who wants to see you. He gestured towards one of the members near the smallest tent. Jeff gasped because he recognized the person.

    “Epou? What are you doing here?”

    Epou groaned a little. “I thought that was obvious. I am here for the same reason as you. I joined the revolution. First though, you owe me a battle. I looked for you in Accumula town, but I could not find you. Battle me right here in this pavilion.” Jeff, remembering his promise, was a little ashamed. He had been so caught up when he met Jessica that he completely forgot his promise to Epou.

    “All right. It’s the least I can do for forgetting you.” Sonic stepped forward.

    “You just had a gym battle. Allow me to heal your Pokémon first.” Jeff handed three of his Pokeballs over and Sonic took them into his tent. Several seconds later, he returned. “Here you are,” he said, handing Jeff his Pokeballs. “Now, get on with your battle.” Jeff faced Epou.

    Selecting a Pokeball, he called out his Pokémon. “Come on out, Pansage!”

    Epou smiled and threw a Pokeball of his own. “Destroy them, Tranquill!” A bird-like Pokémon came out and landed on the cobblestones. It had a sharp, yellow beak jutting out from some red feathers that gave the impression of crimson eyebrows on Tranquill. It had black feathers running down its back in contrast to the gray feathers almost everywhere else. It had piercing golden eyes. “My Pidove evolved. You cannot beat me.”

    Pansage looked apprehensively at the Tranquill flying overhead. “You can do it Pansage! Use Dig!” Epou had a smug grin. The rest of the onlookers groaned. Jeff, however, smiled. Pansage popped out of the ground. “Bullet Seed!” Pansage rapidly launched seeds at Tranquill and several struck. Pansage was pushed back into the hole he had formed. “Keep digging!” Tranquill regarded the ground, wincing a little. Pansage flew out of the ground to Jeff’s right. “Bullet Seed!”

    Epou took his chance. “Tranquill! Use Aerial Ace!” Tranquill swooped, avoiding all of the seeds. Then, it became a race. Pansage fell to the safety of the ground while Tranquill flew at it, attempting to finish the battle. Pansage was too slow. Tranquill slammed into it, and the Grass Monkey flew away and landed near the foot of a tent.

    Jeff recalled his unconscious Pokémon and selected a new Pokeball. “You can do it Pidove!” Tranquill seemed to scoff at its prior evolution.

    “Let’s fly. Pidove, use Gust!”

    “Tranquill, use Wing Attack!”

    Pidove began to create winds that hit Tranquill, who was charging at Pidove with
    ts wings outstretched. It was slowed down, but continued to make its way towards Pidove. “Give it all you got Pidove!” Pidove screeched and flapped its wings harder, creating a giant funnel of wind.

    Epou could not believe his eyes. “There’s no way your Pidove just learned Razor Wind. Jeff smiled “Oh yes there is.” The tornado hit Tranquill and tossed it around like fruit in a blender. When the winds faded, Tranquill was lying on the ground, unconscious.

    “Good job Pidove,” Jeff said.

    “Return, Tranquill. Now come on out Oshawott!” Epou’s Oshawott came out of its Pokeball and pounded its scalchop. “Aqua Jet!” Oshawott’s body was covered in water and it rocketed at Pidove.

    “Gust attack!” Pidove flapped its wings and Oshawott ‘s water was blown backwards onto Epou. “Ahhh! You’re going to pay for that!” Oshawott, however, was not doing well. It hit the ground and struggled to get to its feet. “Finish it with Air Cutter Pidove!” Pidove launched the blades of air and Oshawott shouted before slumping to the ground. “You’re on to your last Pokémon Epou.”

    Epou shook his head. “No, I’m not. You promised a two-on-two battle and that’s it was. Bye.”

    Jeff now has a mission. He will face uncertainty, distrust, and strength on his path. But he needs to take it

    • Jeff)(4 Pokeballs, 6 revives, Trio Badge)
    Pignite- Ember, Flame Charge, Tackle, Smog, Rollout, Flamethrower, Arm Thrust
    Pidove(Male)-Gust, Leer, Air Cutter, Razor Wind
    Pansage-Bullet Seed, Bite, Dig, Scratch, Fury Swipes
    • Jessica (Ultra Ball)
    Snivy-Tackle, Leaf Tornado
    Lillipup-Roar, Tackle
    • Epou
    Oshawott-Water Gun
    Tranquil(Female)-Aerial Ace, Wing Attack
    Last edited: May 28, 2012
  6. jeffdavid102

    jeffdavid102 TSS Forever

    Section Three

    “Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed,” grumbled Jeff. However, he quickly forgot his annoyance. He turned to Sonic. “Where do I go to find powerful wild Pokémon?”

    Sonic gave him a shifty grin. “There are powerful Pokémon everywhere. The trouble is finding them. We are going to take you to Nimbasa City, the middle of the Unova region on a subway. That is also where you shall re-enter once you have formed a powerful team or when you have found out a way to plug up Herdier’s nose. You will need to take the Wi-Fi train to get back. Tell the person working there our code word. It is Sonic Speed. Nice, huh?”

    Jeff understood. He had a mission. Those Striaton City gym leaders were horrible. If there were many more gym leaders like them out there, they would either need to be stopped or forced to change their ways.

    He spent the rest of the day familiarizing himself with the camp. At one point Jeff saw a man that looked really familiar, which was strange, because there were not exactly a lot of leather wearing bikers in Nuvema town. Then he realized who it was.

    On his way to the Striaton City gym, some bald guy came out of an alley and started to walk over to me. Now, Jeff struck up a conversation with him. His name was Logic and he was responsible for Jeff being here. He notified Sonic when he saw Jeff’s confidence and determination. After Jeff’s gym battle, his ghost type Pokémon, Cofagrigus, snatched Jeff through the wall and Logic’s Braviary flew him into the camp. When Jeff saw Cofagrigus, he was surprised. It was a large golden coffin, with two glowing red eyes and razor sharp teeth. Four ghostly hands extended from it. “All right, I got to admit. That thing looks wickedly cool.” Logic smiled at this. “It’s also wickedly powerful. I went on a journey and caught it. Have a battle with me when you get back.” Jeff happily agreed with a nod of his head.

    “Well you better get going. I think Sonic is looking for you.” Jeff headed back to the main pavilion. There, he saw Sonic leaning into the flap of Epou’s tent. When he straightened out and turned around, he spoke to Jeff.

    “There you are! I was beginning to worry. I was just telling Epou here something. The two of you are going to travel together. You’ll be stronger. I just want you two to remember something. Be civil when deciding who’s going to catch which Pokémon. Now follow me.” Epou climbed groggily out of his tent and walked on Jeff’s left side.

    Sonic slowly lead them away from the pavilion into the darkness. When they could not see their way at all, Sonic tossed a Great Ball into the air. “Light the way, Chandelure!” A floating chandelier materialized in front of them. It had four arms, each bearing ghostly fire. It’s head was in the middle, giving off even more purple flames than any of its arms. Its eyes were nothing more than two yellow dots. The fire illuminated a man standing about a foot in front of Sonic, who did not even blink.

    “Hello Sky, how are you doing?” The man smiled. “Impossible to scare as always. Heard you had a new recruit. I guess you want me to take both of them,” Sky said, gesturing toward Jeff and Epou.

    Sonic slowly nodded, then walked away with Chandelure floating above him. In the fading light, the two boys saw Sky going over to a subway car behind him. They walked over, but the light was out and they did not know where the door was. As they felt their way around through the darkness, the entire area was suddenly engulfed in a light emanating from the headlights of the train; one of them a foot from Epou’s face.


    “It was dark. I couldn’t see you. Climb aboard,” he said, waving them onto the train. Epou grumbled and walked into the door frame on his first try, but Jeff steered him through. They sat down on two seats in the first subway car. They attempted to talk, but the rattle of the train on the tracks shut out any chance for conversation. They sat together as the train roared down the rusted tracks to Nimbasa City. They heard Sky shouting into a radio in the engine car. The trip was made without anything important happening. The train rumbled on. When it finally came to a loud, screeching halt, both Jeff and Epou were a little green in their faces.

    As they exited their car, Sky jogged over to them from his car. “This is where I leave you two. You were both powerful in your battle. Epou, you need to train Oshawott more. It may not look like it, but it has great potential. Tranquill does too, but I would say Oshawott could become more powerful if you train it right. Jeff. Do not let anyone make you unsure of yourself. You saw the Striaton City gym leaders. Use that memory to stay loyal. Good bye, you two.” Sky re-entered the train and in a loud rumble and a cloud of smoke, the subway car was gone. Jeff and Epou were by themselves again.

    Epou turned to look at Jeff. “We need to work together. Where would you like to go first. Personally I want to go west. The Pokémon are not as powerful in that direction, but they are more varied. We need many different Pokémon in our teams. Do you agree?” Jeff nodded.
    “I have been wanting one Pokémon for a while, ever since I was a little kid. I do not think there are any of them in the east. Let’s go west, to Driftveil City.” Epou nodded. Fortunately, Nimbasa City was small. After several turns, the duo found themselves in a road full of musicians singing and clowns juggling. A large trailer was parked on the right, from which wafted a delicious aroma. Epou’s eyes widened and then he spoke. “These people sure are in a festive mood.” Jeff nodded without paying attention to what Epou was saying, because his eyes and nose were locked on the food trailer.

    “Helloooooo. Jeff. Snap out of it. We need to keep going.” Jeff shook himself out of his hypnotic hunger trance.

    “Look at that. A bridge,” he said plainly, trying to cover for his dazed moment.

    Epou rolled his eyes. “Let’s go.” They walked to the foot of the bridge. Jeff pointed into the air. “

    I call that one!” Epou looked up and saw a bird Pokémon flying above the bridge. It had blue feathers and resembled a duck. There had yellow webbed feet. Pulling out his Pokedex, Jeff learned that it was called a Ducklett. “Hey!,” Jeff shouted at the Pokémon. “I challenge you!” The Ducklett turned to look at the ant-sized figure of Jeff shaking its fist at it and snickered a little.

    “Oh, that thing is just asking for trouble. Come on out, Pidove!” The Tiny Pigeon Pokémon materialized in a flash of light. “Get that Ducklett onto the bridge and into our reach.” Pidove flew up and faced the Ducklett. It screeched and flapped its wings, hitting Ducklett with Gust. Ducklett began glowing with a white aura. Then, it charged at Pidove, cutting through the Gust like butter.” Pidove was struck and fell down halfway to the bridge before regaining its balance. It cawed angrily at Ducklett. “Pidove! Dive at the bridge!” Pidove went into a nosedive, heading straight at the cement road. Ducklett flew after it. At the last second, Pidove pulled itself up. Ducklett, however, did not crash either. It slammed into the rapidly rising Pidove with another white aura. By this time, Jeff knew that attack was Brave Bird. Pidove hit the ground, beak-first.

    It tried in vain to push itself up using its wings. It fell back to the ground, but immediately attempted to rise again. This time, its body transformed into white light. It grew larger and when the glow faded, there was a Tranquill in Pidove’s place. Tranquill flew into the air with renewed strength.

    It faced Ducklett, who bathed itself in a white glow and charged, using Brave Bird once again. “Dodge!” Tranquill dove, and Ducklett flew harmlessly above its head. “Now! Use Razor Wind!” Tranquill flapped its wings and a small tornado of air formed, spinning in a sharp circle. Ducklett turned around and launched a stream of bubbles from its beak. The Bubblebeam could not break through the charging Razor Wind attack. “Launch it, Tranquill!” Jeff’s Wild Pigeon Pokémon gave one final flap of its wings and the funnel flew at Ducklett, who was lost from view in the center in the vortex.

    “Bring your attack down here Tranquill!” Jeff’s Pokémon screeched and soon the Razor Wind descended onto the bridge. As soon as it touched the cement, it faded. Ducklett laid unconscious on the bridge. Jeff smiled as he pulled out an empty Pokeball. “Go!,” he said as he hurled it at Ducklett. The Water Bird Pokémon became red energy and went into the Pokeball. The sphere shook once. Twice. Three times. Then it stopped. Jeff ran over to his newly captured Ducklett.

    “Oh, am I going to have fun with this Pokémon.”

    • Jeff(3 Pokeballs, 6 revives, Trio Badge)
    Pignite- Ember, Flame Charge, Tackle, Smog, Rollout, Flamethrower, Arm Thrust
    Tranquill(Male)- Gust, Leer, Air Cutter, Razor Wind
    Pansage- Bullet Seed, Bite, Dig, Scratch, Fury Swipes
    Ducklett- Bubblebeam, Brave Bird
    • Jessica(Ultra Ball)
    Snivy-Tackle, Leaf Tornado
    Lillipup-Roar, Tackle
    • Epou
    Oshawott-Water Gun
    • Sonic
    • Logic
  7. PokeSonic

    PokeSonic The Pluvius

    im an old man...lovely...
    and jeff has 2 fliying types,and one 4X weak to electric,i'd enjoy seeing elisa **** on his team~
    anyway the story is just getting better ^o^
    keep up the amazing work jeff~
  8. jeffdavid102

    jeffdavid102 TSS Forever

    you know that pokemon jeff said was in the west, but not the east. that might solve that little problem
  9. PokeSonic

    PokeSonic The Pluvius

    jeff why did u do what u did in MR,i though we were buddies....
  10. jeffdavid102

    jeffdavid102 TSS Forever

    im sorry to you. i needed revenge on aenea. i did not mean to do anything to you
  11. jeffdavid102

    jeffdavid102 TSS Forever

    “You had to catch it. You just had to catch it.” Epou grumbled the entire rest of the way across the bridge.

    Jeff turned around to face Epou. “Why do you care if I caught Ducklett!? I called it. You can catch the next Pokémon,” Jeff said to placate Epou. The grumbling stopped, but Epou continued to shoot Jeff dirty looks.

    They passed several other Ducklett, but Epou did not seem to even want to catch them. They walked past a strange statue in a clearing after they reached the end of the bridge. “I’ll never understand modern art,” Jeff said.

    Epou rolled his eyes. “Of course you wouldn’t.” They crossed a smaller bridge and ended up in front of a Pokémon Center.

    “I need to heal Tranquill and Ducklett. I’ll be right back.” Jeff bounded over to the door and ran inside, slamming face first into a wall of brown leather. After several horrible moments, Jeff climbed out of a huge man’s stomach. He looked up and a huge face with strange curly brown hair that did not fit with his cowboy hat with a large, blue jewel in the center. Jeff began to apologize. “Look, I’m sorry si—,” but the man slapped him in the face before all of the words left his mouth.

    Epou came to his defense. “What are you doing?! My friend, and I use that term loosely, ran into you, but it was an accident. You didn’t need to hit him.” The large man snickered in amusement.

    “You two youngsters better get a move on. I ain’t got no time for no funny business. I gotta get to the Cold Storage.”

    Jeff winced and grabbed his ears. “Why is your voice so annoying? If you want us to leave, than you need to battle me.” The cowboy took his hat off his head. Underneath, sat a Pokeball. The man smiled as he hurled it at Jeff’s face.

    “Teach them a lesson, Excadrill!” At the sound of the name Excadrill, Jeff bent over as if he had been punched.

    Epou looked worriedly at him. “Are you okay. I can fight him if you’re not feeling well.”

    Jeff straightened out his back. “It’s fine. It’s just….well….I know who he is. That’s Clay, the gym leader here. That Pokémon that I agreed to come west for was Excadrill. I saw one of Clay’s matches on TV. He inspired me to catch one. I’ve always wondered why I stopped watching him battle. Now I remember. That annoying voice.” Jeff gave a shifty grin. “I can take him.” Jeff pulled a Pokeball off of his belt. “I haven’t used you in a while. Come on out, Pignite!”

    Jeff’s Fire Pig Pokémon materialized in front of front of Clay’s Excadrill, who had a flat drill protruding from its head, providing shade to its mole-like face. Red slashes of fur resembled blood on its brown coat. Instead of hands, Excadrill spouted three huge claws on each arm that resembled the drill on its head. “This is going to be a close match,” Epou muttered to Jeff. “Pignite can hit hard with fire and fighting moves, but Excadrill has ground moves to really hurt it.”

    Pignite stamped its foot in impatience. “Use Flame Charge, Pignite!” Jeff’s Pokémon charged forward, creating flames all over its body as it did so.

    “Bulldoze, Excadrill!” Clay’s Pokémon pushed its claws into the ground and ran toward Pignite, tearing up the ground as it went.

    “Dodge, Pignite, and use Flamethrower!” Faster than it should have, Pignite sidestepped and blasted flames out of its mouth, which scorched Excadrill’s side.

    Clay growled. “Use Sandstorm!” Excadrill used its claws to whack the ground, creating a cloud of dust. It then waved its arms like fans. This created cyclones of sand, buffeting Pignite, who was forced to close its eyes.

    “Use Brick Break, Excadrill!” Its claw glowed white and, suddenly, Excadrill closed the distance between it and Pignite in half the time it should have. Epou tugged on Jeff’s arm.

    “Excadrill must have the ability Sand Rush. That doubles the user’s speed in a sandstorm.” Jeff did not seem to care.

    “We can still boost our speed. “Use Flame Charge!”

    Clay ordered Excadrill to attack. “Use Bulldoze!” The two Pokémon charged at each other, one cloaked in flames, the other tearing up the road as it ran. The two Pokémon pushed at each other, each trying to get the upper hand. Their feet dug trenches into the already ruined road. Fists fought claws. “Use Hyper Beam, Excadrill!”

    An orb of energy formed in its mouth. It grew bigger until it glowed a deathly scarlet. “Get out of there Pignite!” Jeff’s Pokémon took a dive to the side, but tripped on its feet that were buried in the ground. Excadrill fired Hyper Beam….but it never hit Pignite.

    It had put its arms up for protection and that created a blue shield between Pignite and Excadrill. “You learned Protect! Great Job!” Pignite roared. “Now use Flamethrower!” Fire billowed out of Pignite’s mouth, striking Excadrill in the heart. Clay’s Pokémon fell over, and moved no more. Clay growled as he returned his Pokémon to the Pokeball in his hand.

    Then he placed it once again in its spot underneath his hat. “Ya ain’t got nothing on me. I still got two more Pokémon rarin’ to go,” Clay said, as he brought out two more Pokeballs.

    Epou stepped in. “Well, Jeff just beat one of your Pokémon without losing any of his. I’m here too. Back off, or you’ll lose.” Clay started to speak, but shut his mouth. His cheeks turned red and he marched away from the battle scene. As he walked to the Cold Storage, Jeff and Epou saw Jessica pass him in the street.

    “C’mon,” he muttered to Epou, gesturing toward the door of the Pokémon Center. “Before she sees us.” Jeff turned his back and casually reached for the door.

    “JEFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Both Epou and Jeff groaned. Jessica had spotted them. She talked as she got closer. “I challenge you to a Pokémon battle Jeff. Three on three. Unless you don’t even have three Pokémon with you.” Jeff smiled and flashed four of his Pokeballs at her, in the same fashion that she showed him her Ultra Ball.

    Jessica looked annoyed. “I have to heal first though.” As she walked into the Pokémon Center, Jeff and Epou followed. Three of Jeff’s Pokeballs, all of them besides Pansage, were placed next to all three of Jessica’s Pokémon. Nurse Joy took them into the back room, and returned about half a minute later. “Here are your Pokémon. Good bye,” she said cheerfully.

    The three trainers walked outside. Epou asked, “Are you going to do your match here. It’s already really beat up, so you don’t really need to be careful.” Jessica rolled her eyes at Epou’s ignorance.

    “Of course you would want to battle here. Just outside the city is an open field where we can battle.” Epou was taken aback by her rudeness.

    “I feel bad for you if you had to deal with this everyday,” he whispered to Jeff. The two of them followed Jessica in a brisk pace, trying to keep up with her. Finally, after crossing a short, wooden bridge, they were in a small clearing.

    Jessica pulled her first Pokeball out of her purse. “I choose you, Herdier!” A black dog-like Pokémon came out of the Pokeball. It had a brown head, except for tan fur both above and below its eyes, the latter looking like a mustache. Four brown legs protruded from its black body.

    Jeff’s eyes narrowed. “Is this your little Lillipup? I hope it has gotten stronger since last time, because I am going to win. Come on out, Pignite!” Jeff’s starter appeared in front of Herdier.

    Jessica smiled. “Oh! You’re going to use your strongest Pokémon first? Bad choice, brother. Use Thunder Wave!” Herdier shook its coat, shaking more and more powerfully and dust flew in every direction. When Jeff took a closer look, the dust glowed slightly like electricity. The electric particles zoomed after Pignite, who tried to dodge. However, the dust chased it and hit it in the side. Sparks shot all over Pignite’s coat, impeding its movement.

    “Use Arm Thrust!” Pignite lurched forward, but almost fell over from the effort.

    “Use Double Edge, Herdier!” Jessica’s Pokémon lunged recklessly at Pignite, who was forced to take the attack head on. Herdier jumped backwards immediately to avoid any close range attack from Pignite. When it landed, Jeff noticed Herdier wincing slightly. It shook its head and growled, over that momentary injury.

    Pignite did not look good, however. It was sprawled on the ground and struggling to get up. Jeff forced himself to recall Pignite. “Return,” he stated as a beam of light absorbed Pignite back into the Pokeball. “Come on out, Ducklett!” Jeff’s newly caught Pokémon fluttered in the air, giggling like an idiot.

    “WHAT!,” Jessica shouted. “You caught a DUCKLETT! Those things need to be slaughtered; every last one. HERDIER, DESTROY IT WITH DOUBLE EDGE!”

    Jeff glanced at Ducklett. “Stay out of reach. Use Bubblebeam.” Ducklett floated high above the field and launched a stream of violent bubbles at Herdier, who began to sag down towards the ground slightly.

    “Jump up and use Crunch, Herdier!” Jessica’s Herdier began running at a tree. At first, Jeff thought that it was going to knock itself out and save Ducklett the trouble. However, it jumped up to the highest bough and leaped at Ducklett like a wolf with its fangs glowing. Ducklett laughed, then shot a stream of water at Herdier, smacking it in the face and sending water droplets raining down. One landed on Jeff’s arm and he winced in pain from the heat.

    He pulled out his Pokedex to confirm his thought. Ducklett had just used Scald. He was so caught up in his Pokémon learning a new move that Jeff forgot about Herdier until Jessica recalled it to its Pokeball. She smiled evilly even though she was losing.

    “You are going to lose brother. I have captured a powerful Pokémon recently. It will be your downfall.”

    Jeff had had enough with the dramatics. “I don’t care if you captured Arceus. Just battle!” Scowling(which Jeff guessed was her favorite thing to do), Jessica sent out a new Pokémon. Jeff nearly fell over with laughter at the sight of it. Jessica had caught a powerful, unstoppable battling machine……..and it was an ice cream cone.

    It stood on a single leg that resembled a cylindrical waffle cone cut with diamond shapes in places. Two blue specks shot out from the top, which Jeff assumed were arms. Above them sat a swirl of the white, creamy goodness itself. The only thing wrong were the two sunked eyes and the maniacal grin.

    When it landed, frost spread from its cone, creating a tiny circle of ice around it in a matter of seconds. It did not cover a large portion of the battlefield, but it was still cool(pun intended).

    “This is Vanillite,” Jessica stated. “You will now die by its hand.”

    “Ducklett, return,” Jeff stated as he pointed a Pokeball into the air. Hoping it had recovered, Jeff sent out his next Pokémon. In a flash of light, Pignite appeared. It struck a fighting pose, with some difficulty, but it did not seem to spend any effort doing so.

    “Use Flamethrower Pignite!” Jeff’s Pokémon breathed flames out of its nostrils, heading straight towards Vanillite.

    “Use Flash Cannon!” Vanillite created a silver ball in front of its mouth. It grew larger until it was unleashed just as Flamethrower reached Vanillite. The Flash Cannon attack cut through Flamethrower like butter and sent Pignite flailing into the dirt. It pushed itself to its feet while covered in bruises.

    “Use Arm Thrust, Pignite!” The Fire Pig Pokémon sprinted at Vanillite, determined to bring it down before succumbing to its exhaustion. “Use Icy Wind!” Jessica’s Pokémon unleashed a blast of winter air at Pignite, slowing its attack, but not stopping it. Within seconds, Pignite reached Vanillite. “Use Reflect!” A cloak of yellow light surrounded Vanillite’s body. With each of Pignite’s attacks, it grew weaker, though the attacks only made Vanillite wince. On the final hit, the light shattered and Vanillite flew into Jessica to be found unconscious.

    Once again, though this time Jeff was waiting for it to happen, Jessica scowled, causing her frown lines to form. “You have not won anything. Servine will put you in your place.” With those words, Jessica tossed another Pokeball into the air. The line in the middle cracked open, unleashed a wave a white light, which turned into Jessica’s final Pokémon.

    It resembled Snivy, though it was much bigger. Foliage stuck out randomly from its lower back and tail, which still ended in a large leaf. A yellow v-pattern adorned its neck, while its eyes became thinner and sharper.

    “Do you like Servine, Jeff? It evolved during my gym battle against Lenora. It is a lot more powerful. I’ll show you. Use Leaf Blade!” Servine’s tail glowed with an earthy green color, and it jumped into the air, somersaulting once for effect, while it brought its tail down hard on Pignite.

    “Use Protect!” Pignite raised its arms, but electricity crackled along its body, impeding its attack. Leaf Blade hit it in the head and Pignite’s face became more familiar with the dirt than it would have wanted. It lay there, unmoving.

    “Return, Pignite. You did well against Herdier and Vanillite.” Withdrawing another Pokeball from his belt, Jeff sent out Pansage. The grass monkey formed facing Servine and Jessica. “Use Dig!”

    Jessica quickly commanded Servine. “Grab it with Vine Whip! Pansage dug into the ground, but two vines that shot out of Servine’s neck were in hot pursuit and followed it underground.

    Suddenly, Jeff had an idea. “Pansage, grab those vines and come out!” There was silence for a few seconds. The only thing that moved was Servine. It looked as if it had caught a large fish and was struggling to reel it in. Suddenly, Pansage jumped out of the ground with the vines tied onto its tail. At this, Servine collapsed—pulled down by its own attack.

    “Use Bullet Seed, Pansage!” As a barrage of seeds shot from Pansage’s mouth, Jeff almost felt sorry for Servine. It was forced to lay there, defenseless, as it was attacked. Thankfully however, it fainted quickly and Jeff’s conscience was cleared. As the two combatants returned their Pokémon, Jessica simply glared at Jeff, then gave him an evil smile as she walked past him back to Driftveil City.

    Epou looked at Jeff. “Why do you think she hated Ducklett? I think she had a bad encounter with one on the bridge back there.” Jeff nodded. “There was definitely something off about her. She seemed to know something that we didn’t too. Did you see that smile she gave me as she left?” Epou shook his head. “I didn’t, but now it doesn’t matter. We better continue.” With that, the two of them walked deeper into the route. They crossed a few bridges and passed some sort of laboratory. Inside, a deer-like Pokémon had wires attached to its entire body.

    Finally, they ended up at a mountainside. A single cave went into the stone wall. Suddenly, an old man sprinted out of the cavern. He skidded to a stop in front of them. He wore dark clothes and a gristly beard hung down from his chin.

    “Beware the legendary Pokémon of the cave! I heard of a powerful Pokémon on the cave of this route, but I chose incorrectly. The real cave is more hidden. But I know its secrets! You gotta jump into the river. C’mon, try it with me!” With that, the old geezer ran past them and jumped into the river running by the side of the route. He was quickly swept downstream and out of sight. Jeff glanced at Epou and was shocked to find a determined face on him.

    “What are you doing! You are not going to really follow that crazy old man.”

    Epou shook his head. “You heard what he said. There’s a legendary Pokémon over there. I’m not sure if I believe him, but I need to take the chance. What would Sonic say if we passed up the opporutunity to catch one. One more thing. I am going to catch this one. You caught the last Pokémon and its only fair if I catch this one.” Jeff opened his mouth to argue, but decided against it.

    “I must be crazy,” he muttered to himself, as he unstrapped his backpack and left it on the side of the river.

    Together him and Epou jumped into the river and they were whisked away to the unknown.

    • Jeff (3 Pokeballs, 6 revives, Trio Badge)
    Pignite- Ember, Flame Charge, Tackle, Smog, Rollout, Flamethrower, Arm Thrust, Protect
    Tranquill(Male)- Gust, Leer, Air Cutter, Razor Wind
    Pansage- Bullet Seed, Bite, Dig, Scratch, Fury Swipes
    Ducklett- Bubblebeam, Brave Bird, Scald

    • Jessica(Ultra Ball, 7 Pokeballs)
    Servine-Tackle, Leaf Tornado, Vine Whip, Leech Seed
    Herdier-Roar, Tackle, Double Edge, Thunder Wave
    Vanillite-Flash Cannon, Icy Wind

    • Epou
    Oshawott-Water Gun
    Tranquill(Female)-Aerial Ace, Wing Attack

    • Sonic

    • Logic
  12. Chibi_Muffin

    Chibi_Muffin Smart Cookie

    This story... It's a nice concept, but it feels very rushed. The characters aren't developed a lot, and this goes double for the Pokemon. So Jeff hates Jessica, and Jessica's a... um, dog, but other than that, none of the characters have any personality. You don't even mention why Jessica is the favourite anyway. Giving your characters personality makes it more interesting and engaging. The Pokemon also feel like robots in this story, so they need personality too. For them, why not pick a nature, and work off of that?

    This story also feels way too quick. There's about two battles per chapter, and none of them are shown in much detail. Generally, you should stick to one, long, tense battle per chapter. There's also loads of key events taking place one after the other. It flips from getting his first Pokemon, to fighting his sister, to the first gym, to the anti gym
    people, to Pinwheel Forest, to Nimbasa, to Driftveil Bridge, to fighting Clay, and now a plot involving Cobalion?! And this is in about three, maybe four chapters. I feel disorientated and confused, it feels like
    there are loads of time skips going on. Just slow down, focus on one key event per chapter. Right now, it's hard to take in what's going on.

    Finally, the issue with the Anti Gym Team. There are two problems I have with them. One, they come out of nowhere. It's not explained at all why they are there or who they are until they pop up with the Braviary. It doesn't even sound like the main character has heard of
    them until he decides to join. Foreshadow them a bit, so they are more expected. Two, you're essentially breaking the Unova Gym Leaders' personalities in order to make this group seem justified. The Striaton Trio making death threats? Really? I'd understand it if it were a made
    up league in a made up region that had the stuck up, evil Leaders, or if the Anti Gym People were shown to be the bad guys, but... This isn't the case. In fact, the Anti Gym Team have no justification as to why Gyms should be abolished apart from 'these people are jerks'... Even
    though Gyms are kind of important as to how the Pokemon world works. And the way the Striaton Trio act is so minor in terms of the plot and happens so quickly that you don't really notice it. In order to get enough of a grudge against someone that the second you get a chance for revenge, you say 'yes!', something pretty big has to happen, not just a few petty threats behind your back. Basically, you might want to take a good look and think them out a bit.

    Your writing is pretty good, and it's an interesting concept, just not executed well at the moment. Just slow down, inject a bit more personality into things, explain more and make sure you know what you're doing with these anti gym people.
    Last edited: Jun 2, 2012
  13. jeffdavid102

    jeffdavid102 TSS Forever

    I did feel like that at first for a lot of these things you're saying. I think I improved a lot when I did this last chapter. With what you said about the lack of motivation for anti-gym people, that's for the future. I plan to have Jeff suffer indecision. Are gyms really something bad after all? And they want the gyms to change, not to completely abolish them. I never thought of giving the Pokemon personality. That's a good idea. I'm going to have the Pokemon be out of their Pokeballs a lot more often now. I have thought of a lot of what you said. I will slow this down. The next chapter will entirely be about getting through that cave to Cobalion. Thanks for the input and I hope you will help with future chapters. :)
    Last edited: Jun 3, 2012
  14. jeffdavid102

    jeffdavid102 TSS Forever

    “We are going to die. We are going to die now.” Jeff kept muttering this as he was flushed down the river. Epou, however, seemed to be having the time of his life. His hands were raised above his head and he shouted in joy.

    “Is that all you got river!? Faster!” Jeff stopped his screaming for a moment to look farther up the river. Ahead, jagged rocks lined the river. They were too tall to float over, but short enough to get skewered on. “EPOU! LOOK AHEAD!” Epou stopped his laughter to look at where Jeff’s finger was pointing. His eyes widened. He clipped a Pokeball off of his belt and threw it into the air. In a burst of light, Oshawott materialized in the water.

    “Osha, osha,” it squeaked happily, before noticing the impending doom. Its eyes widened exactly like Epou’s did.

    “Oshawott, listen to me. You need to be strong and swim me to the side,” he said pointing to a ledge on the left where they could walk. Oshawott nodded, then dove underwater. Soon, Epou was moving slowly towards the side of the river. Apparently, Oshawott had grabbed Epou’s foot in its stubby flippers and was trying its hardest to move Epou. Jeff was farther down the river than Epou because he had originally attempted to fight its current.

    He realized that if Epou could get out, he could pull Jeff to safety. The clearing was quickly approaching Epou now. Oshawott surfaced, still pulling Epou’s leg. In what seemed like a miracle, Jeff watched Oshawott grasp the ledge with one flipper, while the other still held Epou’s lower body.

    His upper body, however continued towards the rocks. Oshawott was the only bulwark between Epou and death.

    Jeff felt bad that he had ever thought of Oshawott as a bad Pokémon when he was starting his journey. It was, by far, the greatest starter Professor Juniper had ever given. It was obvious that Oshawott did not have the strength to pull Epou onto dry land. Jeff was now approaching them quickly. He grabbed Epou’s leg and help on for his life. The extra weight was too much for Oshawott to handle. It began to slip. Jeff forced to let one hand go, leaving him precariously attached to Epou, and he felt for the correct Pokeball on his belt.

    Grabbing it, he unleashed Tranquill into the air. It screeched and quickly help without a command. Its talons grabbed the collar of Jeff’s shirt and it tried to fly to the ledge where Oshawott was. Together, the two Pokémon pulled their owners to safety. Once safely on the banks of the river, all four of them collapsed onto the ground. Epou was the first to catch his breath somewhat.

    “Osha…wott. You saved….us.” Epou slowly reached out and pulled his Pokémon closer. He wrapped his jacket around Oshawott and hugged it. Jeff smiled as his friend finally began to admire Oshawott. Looking to his right, he saw Tranquill getting to its feet. Jeff groaned as he sat up and faced his Pokémon.

    “I’m so proud, Tranquill. You did great. Me and Epou would have died without you.” At that, Tranquill’s cheeks turned a scarlet color. Jeff got a smug look on his face. He leaned over to Tranquill and whispered, “Oh, I see what’s going on here. You like Oshawott, don’t you?”

    At that Tranquill cawed angrily in denial while its cheeks became even brighter. “Don’t worry,” Jeff said quietly. “I won’t say anything.” At that, Tranquill groaned a little and put its head near the ground. Jeff chuckled and held out a Pokeball. “Return, Tranquill.”

    Jeff stood up and faced Epou. “You had to follow that crazy man into a treacherous river, didn’t you? We almost died.”

    Epou stood up slowly with Oshawott at his ankles. “Wow, you’re dense. Look right there,” he said, pointing at the back of the ledge. There sat a cave opening. “The hidden cave. We found it. Hold on. I just realized something. What happened to that old man. There isn’t any blood or pieces of his body in the water. He must have gotten to the cave, but how? He couldn’t have been a strong swimmer.”

    Jeff shook his head, clearly mystified. “Let’s just find this legendary Pokémon and leave. I don’t want to think about what might have happened to that man.” Epou nodded and the two of them walked into the cave with Oshawott right behind them. Rocks lay all around.

    Sight was nearly impossible the moment they stepped into the cave. Jeff had an idea. “Pignite, light the way!” Jeff’s Pokémon came out of the Pokeball. “Use Flame Charge. Don’t aim for anything in particular. We need the light.” For a moment, they couldn’t see anything in the darkness. Then, directly in front of Epou’s nose, Pignite burst into flames.

    “Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! Why did you light up in my face?!” Jeff grinned, raised his hand to give Pignite a high-five, then changed his mind. “To quote Sky: ‘It was dark. I couldn’t see you.’ Or more specifically, Pignite couldn’t see you.” Epou rolled his eyes and they walked on.

    At one point, Jeff saw a small green Pokémon with two short tusks, but it ran away before he could catch it. Several times, giant boulders blocked their path, but Pignite and Oshawott easily knocked them aside in convenient trenches. They circled around a the cavern, slowly finding more and more ways to delve deeper into the cave. Several Pokémon approached them from the shadows, but backed off quickly every time either Jeff or Epou made a move.

    Finally, they reached a stone staircase descending into the earth. They walked down the damp stairs to emerge in an enormous cavern. They stopped to gave at the enormous room. Walls jutted out everywhere, turning the room into a labyrinth. Silver slashes adorned the stone, creating stars in the sky. The two friends stared around the room. Oshawott glanced around and water dribbled out its mouth.

    “This room is epic. Let’s try to find this legendary Pokémon…..if it even exists,” Jeff said. The three of them walked into the maze to find the end. Fortunately, it was mostly straightforward. There were a few fake paths, but the trio simply turned around and went to the correct path. There seemed to be nothing to it……until they found their path cut off.

    The cave just ended in a huge, shining wall. Jeff groaned. “I told you that guy was crazy. We never should have come here. It was a wild goose chase, that, might I remind you, we almost died for.” Epou was about to respond, but he caught sight of Oshawott waddling over to the wall. It plucked the scalchop off of its stomach and rapped it on the wall multiple times. It created a echoing sound. “Did you hear that?,” Epou asked while rubbing Oshawott’s head. “There must be something behind the wall. I’ve heard of this happening in regions far away from here. The trainer must prove his strength before getting the chance to battle a legendary Pokémon.”

    Jeff shook his head. “Don’t you think that you’re pushing it too far? The chances of a legendary Pokémon residing behind this wall is ....a hundred to one. Travelling through this cave was fun, but let’s go. After all, I don’t think you want to destroy such a natural wonder.”

    Epou glanced at Oshawott, who was also suffering extreme indecision. Then he lowered his shoulders. “I guess we can’t. There’s no way that we can destroy such a beautiful natural wonder for our own hunt. Let’s go.” The two of them turned back the way they came, but soon Epou noticed Oshawott was not following them. He turned around.

    “Oshawott, we have to g-g-g-g—.” Jeff looked to see what was causing Epou to stutter. There, standing next to Oshawott was a tall, quadrupedal Pokémon. The majority of its body was a cobalt color. The bottom of its feet had a light blue color with black spots in the front. This gave the impression that it was wearing boots. Yellow spikes adorned its shoulders and under its goat-like face hung a pure white beard. Two yellow horns zigzagged over its golden eyes. It faced Jeff and Epou and seemed to put them through a scanner.

    Epou was the first to overcome his shock. “Why did you appear now? I thought we had to destroy the wall to prove our strength. The legendary Pokémon shook its head. It backed up and stood defensively in front of the silver and stone wall.

    “I think I get it,” Jeff said. “This Pokémon didn’t want to test our strength. It wanted to see how much we wanted to care about nature. Destroying such a beautiful naturally formed place would be a horrible crime.” At these words the legendary Pokémon nodded. It stepped forward and stood in front of Epou. It screeched at him. Epou got the message.

    “Are you ready, Oshawott?” Epou’s Pokémon ran to stand between its trainer and the legendary Pokémon. “It’s time to battle!” The top of the wild Pokémon’s black head glowed silver. It then charged forward toward Oshawott.

    “Use Aqua Jet to dodge!” Oshawott’s body became cloaked in water and rocketed into the air, causing the legendary’s Pokémon’s attack to miss completely. Oshawott then plummeted straight for its adversary. The Pokémon looked up, then its body glowed the same color that its head had. Aqua Jet struck, but it did not seem to do anything.

    “Wow. It used both Iron Head and Iron Defense,” Jeff muttered to himself. “It must be a steel type.” At that Jeff’s mouth stayed open in realization. He knew what the only legendary steel type in Unova was. He was so lost in his own thoughts that he did not realize that Epou’s battle against the legendary Pokémon was going badly. A second Iron Head had connected and Oshawott was struggling to its feet. It slowly climbed to its feet. Jeff shook his head in wonder. Oshawott’s tenacity was unmatched. As it stood up, its body began to give off a bright blue aura.

    It wasn’t evolution. Jeff could still make out details of Oshawott through the light.

    “Oshawott,” Epou said. “That’s your ability. Torrent. USE AQUA JET!” Epou’s Pokémon shot towards the legendary Pokémon as Epou pointed to direct it. Oshawott slammed into the wild Pokémon and it flew into the opposite wall, causing silver pebbles to fall from the various stalactites. Jeff covered his head to protect himself from the expensive debris.

    The legendary’s Pokémon’s eyes glinted. It had finally found an opponent who could really face it in battle.

    Oh my god, Jeff thought. I’ve become a goat whisperer.

    The legendary Pokémon rose. Its two horns glowed white. The Pokémon lunged at Oshawott and slashed its head downward.

    “Water Gun!” A giant, dowsing gush of water shot out of Oshawott’s mouth. The stream parted all around the legendary Pokémon’s head, slowing it down. The Pokémon powered through its attack, slowly cutting through the Water Gun. “MAXIMUM POWER!!!!!!” Jeff was almost disturbed by Epou’s shout. He never thought that he was capable of showing so much emotion.

    The torrent of water pushed the legendary Pokémon back, but its glowing horns were now inches from Oshawott’s head. Jeff watched as it slowly got closer and closer, finally connecting with Oshawott’s head. It lifted Epou’s Pokémon up, still attached to its horns. It swung its head around and Oshawott slammed into the wall just to Epou’s right. It slumped to the ground in unconsciousness.

    Epou put his hands on his head in failure. Oshawott had lost, and they would not get a legendary Pokémon into either of their teams. Jeff glanced up to look at the legendary Pokémon. He saw its glazed eyes for a moment before they closed and the Pokémon collapsed onto the ground. Epou pulled out a Pokeball, but in his astonishment, he pulled out Oshawott’s Pokeball.

    Quickly, he changed to an empty one and tossed it at the unmoving legendary Pokémon sprawled on the ground. The ball hit the Pokémon’s forehead and opened. The beast was converted into red light, which was sucked into the Pokeball. As the last wisp of energy entered the ball, it snapped shut.

    The ball began wobbling around on the ground. Whirring noises occurred as the legendary Pokémon fought being imprisoned. Then, suddenly, the ball ceased to move. Just as quickly, the whirring stopped too. Epou smiled and picked up his newly caught Pokémon. In his other arm he picked up his Oshawott, who finally was beginning to stir again. It sat up and saw the Pokeball.

    “Osha? Oshawott!” That final squeak of happiness made Jeff smile along with Epou. He saw his companion pull out his Pokedex and scan the Pokeball in his hand. He then stood up, returning Oshawott to its Pokeball as he did so.

    “Well, it looks like we have a new travelling companion guys,” he said, holding up the Pokeball. “Say hello to Cobalion.”

    • Jeff (3 Pokeballs, 6 revives, Trio Badge)
    Pignite- Ember, Flame Charge, Tackle, Smog, Rollout, Flamethrower, Arm Thrust, Protect
    Tranquill(Male)- Gust, Leer, Air Cutter, Razor Wind
    Pansage- Bullet Seed, Bite, Dig, Scratch, Fury Swipes
    Ducklett- Bubblebeam, Brave Bird, Scald

    • Jessica(Ultra Ball, 7 Pokeballs)
    Servine-Tackle, Leaf Tornado, Leech Seed
    Herdier-Roar, Tackle, Double Edge, Thunder Wave
    Vanillite-Flash Cannon, Icy Wind

    • Epou
    Oshawott(Ability: Torrent)-Water Gun, Aqua Jet
    Tranquill(Female)-Aerial Ace, Wing Attack
    Cobalion-Iron Head, Iron Defense, Sacred Sword

    • Sonic

    • Logic
    Last edited: Jun 5, 2012
  15. Chibi_Muffin

    Chibi_Muffin Smart Cookie

    This is starting to get a bit better. =) The Pokemon and characters do seem to be more developed in this one.

    First of all, you forgot the paragraphs. Make sure to go back through and space stuff out a bit.

    Secondly, I feel that the exploration of the cave, and the fight against Cobalion, were a bit short. What you might want to think about next time is that when a climactic battle is coming up, what you do is write one chapter or so building up to the battle, and then give the battle a chapter to itself. This can make it more exciting!

    A little note: you might want to be careful, now that Epou has a legendary - especially so early in his journey (his Oshawott hasn't evolved yet). People might start to worry that he is getting too powerful, too soon. You might want to find a way to balance it out a bit. Maybe another author can help you a bit on this one, but things I can think of is that maybe Cobalion thinks himself 'above' Epou, and doesn't obey, or that Epou isn't experienced enough to use a legendary properly.

    You're doing well, though, and just keep on improving!
  16. jeffdavid102

    jeffdavid102 TSS Forever

    How did I forget the paragraphs! :S I'll fix that soon. I was thinking of making the battle its own chapter, but either the chapters would be too short or contain a lot of filler. I've been thinking of a few ways to balance out Epou, though this chapter actually balanced him out a little. Epou had seemed a little off to the side and unimportant. Jeff had already had two battles while they were travelling together without Epou getting one
  17. Warlord Mitsuhide

    Warlord Mitsuhide Rogue Warrior

    Very interesting fanfic! It's sufficiently classic, which I like very much!Your prospect of family favoritism is also classic in some stories/novels I've read. Your fanfic isn't like the Deoxys army or the Coming war, which I like. Good job dude. Keep up the awesome work!
  18. jeffdavid102

    jeffdavid102 TSS Forever

    Thanks. I haven't done much in a while due to writer's block, but i just had inspiration. The next chapter will be up soon. BTW, I really like The Deoxys Army too :). It's a good story and very unique
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2012

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