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A Pair of Scissors

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by katiekitten, Sep 8, 2009.

  1. katiekitten

    katiekitten The Compromise


    Quiero mucho ver las diapositivas de vuestra operación de hígado pero en primer lugar necesito ir cortar mi cabeza en pedazos pequeñitos con mi peine.

    Romano and Antonio

    [the first]

    His smell - sweet, in a way, but most certainly warm, swamping my senses, surrounding me, surrounding us as I held him to my chest, feeling his body heat seep through the thin fabric of my shirt, my hands buried in the rough cloth covering his back. His smell, it was - it spoke of him, spoke in volumes. In books of renaissance poetry I never wanted to put down. In measures and measures of latin lists that bound us together, tied us by our ankles in sparkling chains of ink. I'd lose myself in this moment, if I had the chance. Aquí, with Romano, in this room, for a thousand years. I turned my head slightly from its perch on the top of his head, shifting until I could nuzzle my nose gently into his hair and just breathe him in, breathe with him. It was times like this that I felt myself just closing my eyes, and just- ah, just... falling, flying through the roar of the foam and rumble of the oceans' deeps.

    And we'd fall into what may come, together.

    I drew him closer to me, sliding my hands firmer around him, keeping him close, a blush creeping across my cheeks as I absorbed the feeling of him fitting in my arms, twisting my head down until my lips reached his ear.

    "...Tu aliento ole como los tomates."

    [your breath smells of tomatoes]

    xD; A prologue, for a longer 'fic which I am going to write for ejunknown as both a birthday and christmas gift. Because she has already given me hers, and I felt bad. >.>;

    No pokemon relation as of yet, I know~ But patience, please? This will be very much pokemon related once it gets going. x33 The character in this part is, indeed, spanish - and not for the reason: 'foreign languages are like totally cool', but because it forms a large part of who he is. I can, of course, remove the spanish if it bothers anyone.

    ...The italics at the beginning mean: I would very much like to see the slides of your liver operation but first I must go and hack my head into tiny pieces with my comb.

    xDDDDD Sorry, I couldn't resist. I <3 random phrase generators. x3

    Last edited: Sep 19, 2009
  2. Starlight Aurate

    Starlight Aurate Just a fallen star

    It was...very sweet, and your amazing description had me engulfed in your story as it flowed over me and showed me what you had really meant and how she felt, it was truly a wonderful prologue to read. Though, when you put the hyphen between parts, shouldn't it be a dash?

    I would've put a dash there, because i thought a hyphen was to combine certain words instead of going to a different part.

    Eh, just a little nitpick. And random phrase generators are fun, and I'm fine with Spanish (though I know more German, which is saying something snce I hardly know any at all...yet) in there. I'm not a perverted person, I'm happy we can get something kid-safe with marvelous description.

    Keep it up, and I'll be reviewing!
  3. katiekitten

    katiekitten The Compromise

    *hugs to oblivion* Thank you, starlit! I am really glad you liked it, and you are more than right about the dash, I'll fix it right away. Spanish is so much fun, I'm really considering taking it up. I just have to fix my french first... xD; German is really cool - you know more than me, I can tell you. It's something I've always been interested in, but just will never have the time to learn. ;_;

    *showers with cookies* Thanks again!
  4. katiekitten

    katiekitten The Compromise

    Woops, intended to update once a week. xD; Sorry~!


    Gilbert and Elizaveta


    Humming in his memory as she almost danced through the kitchen, carelessly tossing ingredients into the wooden mixing bowl she carried, flour settling across her arms and cheeks, unnoticed, as she twirled a whisk with swift, nimble fingers. Beautiful, as she stood there- and yet warmer in his arms, where their breath mixed in the shade of a doorway, their lips, teeth and tongues fighting and colliding, her hair tangled in his fingers.


    He had to resist the urge to whisper to her as she stood just inches from his side in the church pew, faded-green eyes fixed on the altar at the front of the room, lips parted so casually as she concentrated on the quiet baby getting his head splashed with the ‘blessed’ water. Her embroidered white gown swayed as she shifted on her feet, as restricting and ridiculously formal as the extravagant grey suit he'd been relegated; containing her, muffling her, too strict over the soft curve of her shoulders. The murmur of the Baptism’s rites filled the echoing hall of the half-filled church, interrupted only by the occasional cough, and it was so… stifling, in his eyes. Boring, enormously so, and it was sincerely tempting to just say a word; a single, loud, complaint, to screw the priest’s carefully laid plans– It would do him good, the stuffy ****.

    And then he could talk to Eliza, of course. She was so silent when she focussed, her forehead crinkling slightly as she narrowed her eyes before her with almost strict intent. He frowned slightly as he gazed at her tensed stance from the corner of his eye, shifting in his too-smart black shoes. Too silent– her shoulders rigid, hands lightly fisted.

    …If he reached out his hand, just so, he reckoned, he could just brush the backs of his fingers against the softness of her sleeve, entwining them within it until he could drag her hand closer and enfold it within his. Or he could nudge her arm with his fingertips until she glanced over, so he could smirk at her and not pay attention to the ceremony, and she could scowl back, gesturing with furrowed eyebrows at the front of the church while trying not to smile.

    The minutes had dragged by slowly since they’d entered the church, and the afternoon light of the sun pierced through the fragments of the intricate, stained-glass windows, tossing multicoloured beams of light across the congregation, glittering off of the silver balconies. He could barely see the child held in the priest’s arms, enveloped as he was by the Father’s robes. His brother – born to be great, to lead an empire of the Union, to be an empire of the Union – so small in the elder man’s arms, blinking with those large blue eyes at the regal arches of the ceiling.

    …He would be fine. The kid- he’d be fine. God knows he’s gonna show them hell, the twerp.

    He blinked and refocused as Elizaveta finally glanced over at him, dusted-brown hair flowing around her chin so beautifully fluidly, small lips curving into a small smile. He found himself cocking an eyebrow back at her with a grin, taking the opportunity to slip his hand into hers, something fluttering in his chest as she squeezed his hand in return. She’d almost laughed, he knew, he could tell by the smile creasing her mouth – almost, but not quite, her silence remaining steadfastly in light of where they were; he could’ve cursed. But her hand remained in his, and he restrained himself, this time, standing and watching as this boy, his brother, was carried ceremoniously before the holy sceptre and blessed in the afternoon light.

    Blessed for the heartland.

    He traced circles with his thumb over her finger tips as the ceremony came to an end, that… something twisting once more as she pressed her palm tighter into his grip, and suddenly he didn’t mind the silence, his thoughts calming as the final drops of water were scattered over the child’s head.

    And they stood together, quietly, as the dying light poured down around them and burned like bloodied embers through the warped panes of coloured glass.

    xD A little more development now? Two new characters, an actual plot began. The prologue will come into play soon - and the union is everything pokemon related. ;D

    ...Must. Refrain. From Death and Destruction.

    Last edited: Sep 21, 2009
  5. Starlight Aurate

    Starlight Aurate Just a fallen star

    Wonderful! Your description and his obvious love with her makes this fic a delight to the eyes, and inspires me to try harder. It seemed a little short, but it looks like it got the job done.

    I just thought that perhaps you could have described Eliza a little more, you said she was beautiful and described her eyes, but not much more than that. I'm not entirely sure if it's good or bad to describe characters from the start, but it's what I normally see.

    The church seemed nice, it actually made me happy to find a church scene in aPokemon fic even if the guy wasn't patient.

    I found a few of my nit-picky grammar errors:



    That's it, as far as I saw. This is truly wonderful, I'll keep on reviewing and reading!
  6. katiekitten

    katiekitten The Compromise

    x3 Thank you! *hugs* I'm glad you like it~! Oops, I can't believe I forgot to describe what they look like. xD; I've edited it in a little, and will certainly fill in the rest next chapter. Sorry! And the dashes... xD; I can just tell that that is going to creep up whenever it can. *fixes* Thanks!

    Again, I'm glad that you liked it! Thank you for reading. *gives cookie* :3

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