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A Scarlet Christmas (Rated R)

Hows this for my first horror one shot?

  • You tried...but its not that great

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Total voters
    21

IceKing

Sexorific!
This was my entry for the Trial of Terror and placed second, it was originally a twenty four page one shot, but I figured most people wouldn't read twenty four pages in one sitting so I decided to split it up into two or three parts. This is the much slower part, but things will get a tad bit more intense in the next part. I may choose to add the second part today for those who might want to read it like a long one shot like it's intended, but as of now, I'm just adding Part One.

Rated R for some violence later on, it's not that bad but I'm being safe. This is my first stab at horror, so there is obviously great room for improvement

Please comment ^^



~A Scarlet Christmas~


Part One: Tears and Blood


She hated the cold.

Hated was an understatement. She despised it and loathed it, yet because of Nature’s cruelty, she was surrounded by it. From her very birth a mere twelve years ago, all she ever knew was bitter frigidness. Great sheets of ice stretched throughout her world and a thick layer of snow blanketed it all. The air was frosty, and the sky was gray with the glum aura this horrific world spewed. For one day a year, her master traveled to distant lands, where all the cursed ice had melted away and the blessed sun smiled, but any possibility of her existing in the warm utopia seemed to be as far off as the summits of the frosted mountains that dotted the horizon.

Finally, after marching nearly an entire day across the Arctic, she saw a remotely living being. It was a lone, gnarled tree. It stood barely six feet tall, only two feet taller than herself. The thin trunk was barely six inches thick, but on its crown was a clump of thin branches, plastered with several layers of ice. She was curious as to how it came there in the first place, but her mind was too weak to wonder as she laid back against it, exhausted and ready to collapse. Judging from the thin layer of ice the tree overlooked, she guessed that there used to be a pond under it. The ice was thin enough for her to see her reflection.

She was a feminine human-shaped pokemon with a sheer amount of beauty rivaled by no beast alive. Her face was round and dark purple with a giant mass of blonde hair extending from her crown and down to her hips. From her golden-lined, red breastplates was a flowing scarlet dress that covered her entire body, including her unseen feet. Completing her beauty was her white arms ending with purple gloved hands and her most prominent feature, thick, luscious crimson lips.

Her name was Andromeda. She was a Jynx, a loyal servant to Santa Claus.

Though she despised the cold, she despised her master even more. Father Christmas, Saint Nicholas, Santa Claus, Kris Kringle, all different names for the same filthy, fat bastard. He was a jolly old man with a ripe old belly and thick white beard, a symbol of happiness and holiday spirit to the greedy little human children in the sunlit lands beyond the mountains. It was the duty of the fat bastard to bring presents to children on December 25th, a day known to everyone as Christmas.

Andromeda both loved and hated that day. For one thing, she hated the day because it was the source of the monotonous misery that was her life. She also loved it because it was the day she got an extra helping of gruel (or “Christmas Pudding.”) Some celebrated it as a Festival of the Winter (though Andromeda found no reason to celebrate the loss of the beautiful sun), others celebrated it as just a time of love and family, and others celebrated the birth of a powerful religious figure, Jesus of Nazareth.

Whether for religious or secular reasons, one thing remained a constant for this dreaded day: presents.

Humans always exchanged presents to each other on the special day so that they could show their “love” to each other. Nowadays, the need for presents had grown to a ridiculous point where old woman attacked each other with their knitting needles to get the last copy of Grand Theft Auto for their five year old grandsons or shopped immediately after a fall festival known as “Thanksgiving” to get their “love” out of the way. Nevertheless, Santa Claus’s duty had always been to bring presents to little good children who believe in him while the naughty children were thrown into their fireplaces and chopped up by the axe Santa always carried (cutting firewood her ass…).

Surprisingly enough, millions of selfish, horrid children believed in the man Andromeda so loathed and behaved like saints in the last few weeks before Christmas in order to reap their rewards. The stupid little human children, of course, didn’t care about the problems involved with one man delivering millions of presents in less than ten hours. While good ol’ Santy Claus got to sit on his big coach in his little cottage while eating delicious pies made by Mrs. Claus (a German woman who he kidnapped as his wife five hundred years earlier) 364 days a year, his battalion of nearly ten thousand Jynx were forced to make toys in the Arctic sweatshops (or ‘happy fun workshops’ as her mother called them) for eight hours a day, every day.

The other Jynx were completely contempt and even pleased with their pathetic lives, always smiling brightly and chattering happily as they made their toy cars, video games, and pet ponies. They were allowed a lot of freedom and given one month of vacation a year, sick leave, and even warm, cushy living quarters, but the thought of being a slave to that stupid jolly man was despicable! Yet, for Andromeda, this atrocious notion was a reality she had to live every day.

At last, she was free. Santa Claus was nowhere around, and for the first time in her life, she did not have to make a single toy. As she sat against the gnarled tree, Jynx looked down at her purple gloved hands. They were very dark and calloused from constantly working, but today, they felt strangely empty. They certainly did not look empty as they were saturated with small, clear icicles and one was broken. Normally around this time of the day, she would be casting the magical “Toy Pony turning to Real Pony” spell. As if she was performing the enchantment once more, her hands began to wave around in large circles…

“NO! I REFUSE!”

Clenching her hand in a tight, painful fist once more, she began to march forward once more, desperate to reach the Land of the Smiling Sun and be freed from Jack Frost and Santa Claus forever. Though she clamped her eyes shut to keep the fierce blizzard winds out, she felt a tiny tear droplet building up inside. No matter where she would go, misery would always follow. It was her curse. Part of her wished that she would be back in the warm sweatshops, even if she would be under the tyranny of the fat bastard. Outside the safety of Santa Claus’s domain, the blizzards would constantly rage and the ice was sharp and jagged whereas in her home it only snowed gently and the magical ice was ever so smooth….

Earlier that day

“Andromeda! Wake up! Christmas is only a week away, and we have to finish up the toys for the Dutch children!”

Andromeda did not care; she was tired and her arms were sore. She did not feel like working. Grasping hold of her Stantler-skin blanket tighter, she snuggled herself into a nice, comfortable fetal position while her mother continued to shout and demand her to wake up.

“AHHH!”

As she did nearly every other day, Cassandra, Andromeda’s mother, had thrown a bucket of boiling hot water right onto her poor daughter’s bed, instantly causing her to leap from her warm confines. Andromeda’s body began to burn with pain, and she gripped the scorching spots tightly, freezing the scalds with her own ice element. While she did this, her mother laughed haughtily as she put on her own mauve gloves and took hold of her lucky hammer, ready to work cheerfully as she did all forty years of her life.

The young Jynx was tired and annoyed at her mother, but as usual, she kept her mouth shut while putting on her own work gloves and straightening her hair by the reflection on her small mirror. She, her mother, and her baby sister had all lived in the same cramped room on the top floor of one of Santa’s wooden slave houses. Their possessions were few and their pleasures absent. While Andromeda grudgingly finished getting ready, her baby sister, Isabelle, leaped out of her tiny bed with a great big yawn. As she did first thing every morning, Isabelle scurried toward her elder sister and gave her a huge hug on the leg. Andromeda was more of a mother to the Smoochum than Cassandra, who cared about work and nothing more. Seeing the cute face of her little sister every morning and night was the only thing the Jynx had to look forward to. And the face was indeed very cute.

“An-wo-me-da? Did you have a good sweep?” Isabelle asked after Andromeda picked her up and started to pinch her nose with an un-feigned grin. The baby Smoochum was very adorable, unlike her beautiful evolved form; she was a very pretty shade of pink and barely a foot tall. Her hair was golden, looking like a broomstick’s end, while her lips were very small and light peach.

“Yes Bella! You behave good today in playtime, tell that mean bully Antiqua that your big sister will whip you good if she is mean to you again!” Andromeda baby-talked before blowing a small raspberry on her sister’s stomach. The two shared a nice giggle before their mother cut them off.

“It’s time to go now Andromeda! Leave your sister with Wilhelmina. It’s a Tuesday so we are in—“

“Workshop 16C. I know Mother; you would have thought that by eight years I would have figured it out?” Andromeda spat, lowering her sister to the floor. She knew she would be punished for her insolence, but didn’t care.

“Andromeda, do…not…take…that….tone…with….me.”

The two exchanged a rather nasty glare before Andromeda broke it to look back at her baby sister who was looking at the pair rather curiously. She became deeply immersed into the twinkling eyes, and pity sank to the deepest bowels of her stomach. Soon, her sister would evolve and have to start working every day for the rest of her life as well. Andromeda loved her sister dearly, she loved her more than she loved herself and couldn’t bear the fact her sister would seen be subject to the same life she lived. It was so unfair. It was too unfair.

“No,” Andromeda said simply, looking up straight into the air, tears welling up in her eyes. She could not bring herself to make eye contact with her mother.

“…Excuse me? What do you mean no?”

Andromeda’s eyes soon turned puffy and red; it was obvious she was holding back her tears.

“I mean, NO! I’M NOT WORKING ANOTHER DAY! I’M SICK OF THIS ROUTINE! YOU’RE SO MORONIC TO SEE HOW PATHETIC YOUR LIFE IS BECAUSE OF STUPID SANTY CLAUS! I HATE HIM MOM! I HATE YOU TOO! ISABELLE SHOULDN’T HAVE TO SINK DOWN TO THIS AND NEITHER SHOULD I!” Andromeda cried, throwing random things in their small hamper around, enjoying the way they shattered against the wall.

She then ran to the wall and began to punch it as hard as she could, until her knuckles couldn’t take it anymore. Her mother just watched silently and solemnly, simply staring at Andromeda awaiting her to finish. Clutching her sore hand, Andromeda slumped to the floor and began to sob, not attempting to hold back her pearly tears or wipe them away. Fantasies of a life in the Land of the Shining Sun that she dreamed of every night flooded her mind once more, making her sobbing only intensify. Her mother finally moved from her spot, walking briskly toward her daughter, lips pursed and eyes detached.

“Andromeda, we have been through this more than enough times. I am not going to explain it to you again. Get yourself together, put on a nice big smile, and march to the workshop right now!” She demanded, pointing at the door, her face flushing with pure fury.

“No. I don’t want to.” Andromeda stopped crying and instead stared at her mother with an expression colder than any glacier in the Arctic Circle.

“You brought this upon yourself. I am very sorry I have to do this Andromeda.”

Cassandra sighed for a moment, took a deep breath, and then her eyes began to glow blue and her long blonde hair began to fan out behind her. Andromeda began to crawl back and retreat in fear, whimpering at what her mother would resort to doing. Isabelle stepped back in fear and bewilderment, completely unaware of what was going on. Even Andromeda had her own fears, she began to whimper.

“Please Mamma…no…please…”

Cassandra ignored her daughter’s pleads as she raised her hands in front of herself, and they slowly began to vibrate. Her lips contorted in a disgusting sneer while her blonde hair stopped fanning and instead stood up erect, while her blue glowing eyes erupted in a rainbow light. Andromeda shut her eyes tightly and grasped her head as tightly as she could, hoping that somehow her mother’s attack would fail.

But it didn’t.

“Noooo!”

An invisible force began to tighten around Andromeda’s body and slowly compressed it tighter and tighter until she felt like a mere ice cube. As quickly as the constricting force came, it immediately slipped away, leaving her entire body in a painful tingling sensation. While the Jynx shuddered and gritted her teeth as tightly as she could, she knew that the aftermath of the attack would be twice as worse. Her stomach sunk with dread as the tingling sensation she experienced far too many times ceased abruptly. A few seconds of painful silence followed while Andromeda opened her eyes to look at her mother. Her hair had fallen to her sides once more, but her terriying eyes still shined with the bright rainbow color and her hands still rotated in mid-air while she silently muttered a few dreaded words.

“Mommy, no!” Isabelle pleaded running up to her mother, before being knocked back by the pure force of the attack.

The Jynx’s screams could be heard even outside the barracks as her mind was smashed open. Whispers and mutters poured all into her brain as her thoughts and memories slowly began to swirl around her head in pandemonium. Cassandra had entered her daughter's mind and was determined to destroy the part of her that hated her life. Before anything else could happen, Andromeda blacked out.

~​

“Andromeda? Andromeda sweety, wake up. We’re already late to go to work. Andromeda?”

The Jynx’s eyes immediately flashed open, and the first thing she saw was her beaming mother looking down at her. She felt strangely numb and ignorant to everything around her, lying still, completely devoid of any emotion or feeling. Her life was back to its normal monotonous routine, with no backtalk this time. Standing briskly and brushing the dirt off her back, Andromeda removed and put on her gloves and followed her mother silently, ready to work once more.

Climbing down several ladders of their barracks, they stepped outside into the frigid cold and trekked across the plush snow to their designated workshop where they would be building teddy bears. Andromeda kept her face down as she walked; only concerned with getting to the workshop, for she was unable to think or use her mind. Lifting her face to brush the snow off of her hair, she caught sight of the gate to Santa’s Domain. The entire domain was under a transparent dome, and the only exit was the big marble gateway that stood right in front of the first workshop. In fact, its official name was indeed “The Marble Gateway”. The only person that would be able to use this blessed passageway was Santa Claus himself when he got on his reindeer-harnessed sled and left on Christmas Midnight to deliver presents.

As she saw the Marble Gateway, something began to click in Andromeda’s mind. At first she ignored it, but while she marched, a nagging feeling kept attacking her mind. Slowly, her thoughts and feelings began to reassamble back into place. She had desires outside of working for Santa Claus... And that gateway was her only way to those desires! The Hitmonchan gateman had left to go to the bathroom or do some sort of errand, and for the first time in twelve years, it was her chance to be free. She looked at her mother who was returning a techy gaze.

“Come along now Andromeda! You already delayed us once today!”

The blazing beast inside of the Jynx awoke once more and spread white hot fury throughout her entire body. Cassandra thought she could control daughter with her psychic powers, but Andromeda had a few powers of her own, and this time, she was refused to take her mother’s abuse once more. Her blood began to boil, and closing her eyes tightly, Andromeda focused all of her anger into her right hand, which began to burn white hot with the power of ice. Soon, her very fist itself began to quiver with excitement, desperate to release the anger stored inside of it. Cassandra finally caught sight of her daughter’s glowing hand, but it was too late.

“ANDROMEDA!!!”

Raising her glowing white hand as high as she could, Andromeda fired a powerful beam of ice from her hand, which immediately struck her stunned mother and froze her in her angry snarl. Firing her Ice Beam at any other nearby passerby, Andromeda screamed with rage as she watched walking Jynx turning into frozen statues by her own hands. Many of the Jynx had never raised their hands to battle in their entire lives and ran away squealing, leaving only Andromeda and several ice sculptures behind.

Grimacing with madness, the insane Jynx drooled with greed at the beauty that was the great arched gateway to the world beyond. Panting heavily she began to break into a sprint toward the blessed site, unaware of the fact that a huge coat of ice stood inside the gateway, blocking her way. Staring in disbelief, Andromeda cursed vehemently; angered at the fact her one chance to be free was snatched under her nose. Looking back, she noticed the ice that coated her mother beginning to crack.

“Oh damn it! DAMN IT! ARGGGGGGHHHH! I didn’t come all this way for nothing!” Andromeda began to pound the enchanted ice wall that filled the gateway madly, in hopes that it would crack or somehow let her through.

The desire to leave the cursed land filled the Jynx once more as she pounded and punched the ice wall to the point that her knuckles began to bleed profusely as bone began to break skin. Splattering the ice with droplets of blood as she continued to punch the wall in agonizing suffering, and as her mother was about to burst free from her icy prison, Andromeda gave the wall one final punch, doing nothing but causing her knuckle bones to shatter. Clutching her bloody, mutilated hand once more, she rested her head against the wall and slowly wept as she heard her mother yell in rage as she became mobile once more. It was the end of the line. Any Jynx that attacked another Jynx was never heard from again… A single, pearly tear fell down the Jynx’s cheek and struck the wall not too far from the stains of her blood…

“Woah!”

By some miracle of Mew, the massive wall of ice filling the marble gateway disappeared for a split second. Andromeda tumbled through to the other side, and the wall immediately reappeared, protecting her from the wrath of her angry mother. They said Hell hath no fury like a Jynx scorned, but whoever said obviously never saw Cassandra’s face upon seeing her daughter beyond the dome of Santa’s Domain. Though Cassandra was normally a very dark purple, she somehow managed to turn beet red as she stared at her daughter from the closed gateway. She screamed fervidly, but Andromeda could not hear her.

She was free.

“I…did it.”

The Jynx looked around at her surroundings in disbelief. The Arctic tundra was much colder, much more vicious than Santa’s workplace; as soon as she stepped out, her face was immediately smothered and whipped by the brutal blizzard winds. The ground was no longer soft and plush with snow, rather hard and slippery with ice. Inside the dome, the holiday spirit managed to keep some sort of warmth flaring, but there was no such spirit outside, and Andromeda felt every single degree of the subzero temperature. She was already beginning to shiver madly and her injured hand still hurt horribly, but it mattered not because she was free!

More Jynx had gathered around the Marble Gateway and stared in disbelief at Andromeda; they had never seen a Jynx step outside of the domain in their entire life. Andromeda could have very well been the first ever to leave. Suddenly, the Jynx realized that though she was somehow able to go through the wall, the gatekeeper and Santa Claus could get through it even easier and could pull her back into the cursed captivity. Driven by the intense love of freedom, Andromeda darted across the harsh tundra, ignoring the unbearable pain in her bloody hand and staining the ground behind her with the sweet droplets of her ecstatic tears.

*****​

All ecstasy from the first five minutes of freedom died like a human child under the blunt blade of Santa’s axe. Andromeda still sat silently at the edge of the pond, cold and miserable. She still had a long, treacherous journey ahead of her before she could reach the Land of the Smiling Sun. The poor Jynx began to doubt if she would ever complete her journey; it had only been a day, and she was already beginning to suffer with hunger and feared falling asleep, for she could freeze to death in her next slumber.

There had not been a single living thing in sight except for the dead tree she sat next to. Obviously the fat man was smart enough to place his fortress in the most desolate area of the Arctic so that none could escape him. For a moment, she considered turning back, but decided death was worth the chance for freedom. Leaping to her feet, Andromeda continued to march forward more determined than ever, toward the mountains, toward her freedom. Her hunger was worse than ever, but she still managed to walk, despite the painful sensations she had never experienced in Santa’s Domain.

“What was that?”

Looking around vigilantly, Andromeda’s heart nearly froze. She was not alone.

A flash of black had appeared in the corner of her eye. Perhaps it was a hunger induced hallucination or just the desperate will to see another living creature, but Andromeda had definitely seen something. Bringing up her dried blood-covered fist to her side, she was ready to freeze any little beast that reared its head. Ten minutes passed by, and there was no sign of any living thing, so Andromeda had continued on forward, dismissing whatever she saw as an illusion. But as soon as she started walking, she saw the black flash once more.

“WHO IS THERE? REVEAL YOURSELF NOW!”

She began blasting Ice Beams randomly, hoping to draw out whatever slimy creature was watching her but hit nothing but the gnarled tree and patches of the already frozen ice. The tree began to creak ominously as the massive amount of ice caking it caused the branches to begin cracking. Andromeda gazed at the small tree in horror as the branches snapped off and came crashing down through the thin ice, smashing it open and taking Jynx down into the frigid depths of the water with it.

“Ahh! Help! Somebody help!”

Andromeda thrashed violently in the chilly water as the pieces of ice drifted away, and her weight began to pull her down. As much as she lashed and thrashed her arms, frantic to try and swim, she could not bring herself to swim even in the time of desperate need. Slowly, she began to sink into the arctic waters, to only be forgotten by the world as another nameless Jynx, a slave to the fat bastard, Santa Claus. Her fortitude could not save herself as her head submerged into the waters and only her blonde hair floated ghost like in the dark waters…


*****​



*Part two should be up soon...
 

Kutie Pie

"It is my destiny."
Ooh...I'm liking this already.

Andromeda's a great name for Jynx. And Isabelle's so cute! *huggles*

Like what Great Butler said, clever how you made Santa Clause the villian. Dang! You must really hate him!

Loved the description. I truely did. You are just fantastic! Great job with this first part! LOVE IT! *passes cake with ice cream and hugs* And I wouldn't mind reading twenty-four pages. BRING IT ON! *bell rings* I read that many pages a day anyway! (Actually that many in five, ten minutes at the most. I am FAST at reading.) I can read a whole book a day if everything's peaceful.

Well keep it up IceKing! Can't wait for more! WHOO! GO ANDROMEDA!

~~~~~~~~~~~
♥Kutie Pie♥ Please be kind to midgets!
 

IceKing

Sexorific!
Wow. Very.......uh, how do I put it......unique. Clever putting Santa Claus as the villain. Very clever.

And I'm not even a horror buff, but I still like this. Well done.

I wouldn't call Santa Claus the villain quite yet, you have to keep reading to learn more. But as of now, he is simply one of the antagonists and there is much more to him

Ooh...I'm liking this already.

Andromeda's a great name for Jynx. And Isabelle's so cute! *huggles*

Isabelle's based off my baby niece who is also very cute. I loved the name Andromeda as well

Like what Great Butler said, clever how you made Santa Clause the villian. Dang! You must really hate him!

Loved the description. I truely did. You are just fantastic! Great job with this first part! LOVE IT! *passes cake with ice cream and hugs* And I wouldn't mind reading twenty-four pages. BRING IT ON! *bell rings* I read that many pages a day anyway! (Actually that many in five, ten minutes at the most. I am FAST at reading.) I can read a whole book a day if everything's peaceful.

Well keep it up IceKing! Can't wait for more! WHOO! GO ANDROMEDA!

It's not that I want Santa Claus to die, I just want him to, ya know, stop living! Nah, I love Santa Claus as much as the last guy, but as I said to the great butler, there is more to Santa Claus then a villain. I'm glad you liked the description, I thought I had some of my better descriptions in here as well. 24 pages in 5 minutes 0_0 I hope your absorbing what your reading =P Oh and your last comment will definetely change



Im not posting part II tonight, Im pretty sure it will be three part, thuogh part II will be very short. Thanks for the reviews guys!
 

Sike Saner

Peace to the Mountain
You know, I'd wondered how in the hell you could possibly make this story any better than it already was, seeing as how it was severely good to begin with. And yet, I start reading this version and find very quickly that it really is even better than before. I see richer description, and better still, more character development, particularly regarding a certain Smoochum. Isabelle (she actually has a name in this version! That made me smile. ^^) is fleshed out very effectively in her innocent baby sister role this time around. Boss work, there. ^^

Highlights:

Great sheets of ice stretched throughout her world and a thick layer of snow blanketed it all. The air was frosty, and the sky was gray with the glum aura this horrific world spewed.

A prime example of the enhanced description in this version. That second sentence wasn’t in the prior version, and I’m glad it’s in this one; it’s very lovely. ^^

Humans always exchanged presents to each other on the special day so that they could show their “love” to each other. Nowadays, the need for presents had grown to a ridiculous point where old woman attacked each other with their knitting needles to get the last copy of Grand Theft Auto for their five year old grandsons or shopped immediately after a fall festival known as “Thanksgiving” to get their “love” out of the way.

First of all, that bolded part is just a glorious image, and I adore you for it. XDDD And the rest of the that section holds a very sharp and astute observation that also deserves applause.

Nevertheless, Santa Claus’s duty had always been to bring presents to little good children who believe in him while the naughty children were thrown into their fireplaces and chopped up by the axe Santa always carried (cutting firewood her ***…).

LMAO! Oh, man….That is just fecking awesome as hell; it really is. XPPPPPPPPP

Their possessions were few and their pleasures absent.

That right there’s just a good, strong, descriptive sentence. There, in a nutshell, one can get a very solid sense of the living conditions for Andromeda and her family (not to mention certainly all the other Jynx and Smoochum on Santa’s grounds).

“Yes Bella! You behave good today in playtime, tell that mean bully Antiqua that your big sister will whip you good if she is mean to you again!” Andromeda baby-talked before blowing a small raspberry on her sister’s stomach. The two shared a nice giggle before their mother cut them off.

That is just frelling adorable, and you know it. ^^ Again, I just love the increased character development, the scenes that show us a bit of the family dynamic there; it’s terrific. ^^

Grimacing with madness, the insane Jynx drooled with greed at the beauty that was the great arched gateway to the world beyond.

That is one hell of a cool image. ^^

The desire to leave the cursed land filled the Jynx once more as she pounded and punched the ice wall to the point that her knuckles began to bleed profusely as bone began to break skin.

Ouch! *winces* Damn, I felt that…Boss work describing those bloody details.

All ecstasy from the first five minutes of freedom died like a human child under the blunt blade of Santa’s axe.

THAT COMPARISON PWNS! XDDDDDDD Ah, I frickin’ love that. XD



Like I said, this is even bosser than before. I’ll be back for the rest of this – I already know that it’s going to get better by default, but given the improvements I’ve already seen…this is gonna be insane. ^^
 

Saffire Persian

Now you see me...
Fwee! Two fic review commentaries in one day from me. The world must be ending.

She hated the cold.

Awesome beginning. ^_^


She was a feminine human-shaped pokemon with a sheer amount of beauty rivaled by no beast alive. Her face was round and dark purple with a giant mass of blonde hair extending from her crown and down to her hips. From her golden-lined, red breastplates was a flowing scarlet dress that covered her entire body, including her unseen feet. Completing her beauty was her white arms ending with purple gloved hands and her most prominent feature, thick, luscious crimson lips.

Her name was Andromeda. She was a Jynx, a loyal servant to Santa Claus.

xDXDXD I read that paragraph, and I couldn't help but think: This is definitely Iceking's work. If your name hadn't been on it, I STILL would've guessed you. xDXD And Adromeda - another one of those names you just love, eh? Just like Malachite and Agamemnon?

Though she despised the cold, she despised her master even more. Father Christmas, Saint Nicholas, Santa Claus, Kris Kringle, all different names for the same filthy, fat *******. He was a jolly old man with a ripe old belly and thick white beard, a symbol of happiness and holiday spirit to the greedy little human children in the sunlit lands beyond the mountains.

Horror? No, this is freakin' hilarious. Yay for the greedy little human children.

Nowadays, the need for presents had grown to a ridiculous point where old woman attacked each other with their knitting needles to get the last copy of Grand Theft Auto for their five year old grandsons or shopped immediately after a fall festival known as “Thanksgiving” to get their “love” out of the way.

XD... True, and whoever actually gives their little kids Grand Theft Auto for Christmas (Oh, you know they're out there) should be bludgeoned by good old Santa's Axe and run over by his Stantler in the process.

Nevertheless, Santa Claus’s duty had always been to bring presents to little good children who believe in him while the naughty children were thrown into their fireplaces and chopped up by the axe Santa always carried (cutting firewood her ***…).

xD So THAT"s what happened to the naughty little children. Should I be horrified? Well, I'm not. Does that mean I'm morbid?

(a German woman who he kidnapped as his wife five hundred years earlier) 364 days a year, his battalion of nearly ten thousand Jynx were forced to make toys in the Arctic sweatshops (or ‘happy fun workshops’ as her mother called them) for eight hours a day, every day.

XDXD German for a reason, Iceking? Did you do your research? I'm curious to why German - and I find it ironic you're including "Our world" in here. XD...

The other Jynx were completely contempt and even pleased with their pathetic lives,

Contempt? I think you mean 'content'.

Grasping hold of her Stantler-skin blanket tighter,

*Gasp!* Why am I amused? Maybe because I just had the urge to listen to Weird Al Yankovics song "The Night Santa Went Crazy." XD.. It reminds me of your 'fic...

“An-wo-me-da? Did you have a good sweep?”

Smoochum images. XD... No offense, but their little forms disturb me, and that sentence right there makes me want to run and hide. Still, I love her name.

“Yes, Bella!

I suppose you know what's coming next, here. If you don't... Well.. too bad. COMMAS BEFORE DIRECT ADDRESSES! XD Yes, I am going to drill it into your head. ^_^ I hope I've made some kind of impression.

“Andromeda, do…not…take…that….tone…with….me.”

So very mother-like. XD I get that quite often from my mother. >.>

“Andromeda, we have been through this more than enough times. I am not going to explain it to you again. Get yourself together, put on a nice big smile, and march to the workshop right now!” She demanded, pointing at the door, her face flushing with pure fury.

Lets all get a nice big smile now. XD....

“Please Mamma…no…please…”

Cassandra ignored her daughter’s pleads as she raised her hands in front of herself, and they slowly began to vibrate. Her lips contorted in a disgusting sneer while her blonde hair stopped fanning and instead stood up erect, while her blue glowing eyes erupted in a rainbow light.

I don't know about you, but I was expecting a Sweet Kiss.

Many of the Jynx had never raised their hands to battle in their entire lives and ran away squealing, leaving only Andromeda and several ice sculptures behind.

Real Ice Sculptures, or sculptures a la Andromeda? xD

They said Hell hath no fury like a Jynx scorned, but whoever said obviously never saw Cassandra’s face upon seeing her daughter beyond the dome of Santa’s Domain. Though Cassandra was normally a very dark purple, she somehow managed to turn beet red as she stared at her daughter from the closed gateway. She screamed fervidly, but Andromeda could not hear her.

She was free.

“I…did it.”

*And there was much rejoicing*

Inside the dome, the holiday spirit managed to keep some sort of warmth flaring,

Holiday Spirit? *snorts*

All ecstasy from the first five minutes of freedom died like a human child under the blunt blade of Santa’s axe.

That sentence rocked, and you know it. XD

Andromeda thrashed violently in the chilly water as the pieces of ice drifted away, and her weight began to pull her down. As much as she lashed and thrashed her arms, frantic to try and swim, she could not bring herself to swim even in the time of desperate need. Slowly, she began to sink into the arctic waters, to only be forgotten by the world as another nameless Jynx, a slave to the fat *******, Santa Claus. Her fortitude could not save herself as her head submerged into the waters and only her blonde hair floated ghost like in the dark waters…

*The rejoicing dies, and the multitude waits for either Andromeda to surface, drown, or the fat man that is Santa Clause to appear with his axe and make everyone happy*

--------

Iceking - Iceking XD... You have now made me your loyal follower. No offense to Whirl Islands, but this "Two-shot" rocks. Royally - no, it pawns. A pity it isn't Christmas-time right now. But I'm sorry... XD This one-shot rocks. Some parts are definitely have the atmosphere of Horror, but I was too busy smiling at the imagery that is sadistic Santa Clause to notice (and I am content). I'm guessing the more dark part will come in the next segment.

The description was awesome, and I laughed at your gratuitous description of Jynx - I didn't expect any less, and your dialogue is awesome, but I prefer the narrative above all else because how funny (and morbid) it is at the same time.

You really have a Masterpiece here, and I can see why this won 2nd place. I'm in love with this one, and you've made me happier than a Persian high on catnip. >.> Post the next segment, dangit. And while your at it, if you've never heard it, listen to Weird Al's "The Night Santa went Crazy." Because it makes me think of this story, as I've mentioned before.

So yeah, everything's awesome right here, no complaints -- except for the DANG COMMAS BEFORE DIRECT ADDRESSES! But we know all about that right? :cool: Eh?

I don't usually give ratings, but this is definitely a 10/10.

Have a nice day! :D
 

IceKing

Sexorific!
Sike Saner:

You know, I'd wondered how in the hell you could possibly make this story any better than it already was, seeing as how it was severely good to begin with. And yet, I start reading this version and find very quickly that it really is even better than before. I see richer description, and better still, more character development, particularly regarding a certain Smoochum. Isabelle (she actually has a name in this version! That made me smile. ^^) is fleshed out very effectively in her innocent baby sister role this time around. Boss work, there. ^^

Highlights:

I never expected you to review 0_0 I was really surprised at all the new stuff you picked up on. I figured if I'm going to do it in parts, I might as well add some more development while I'm at it

A prime example of the enhanced description in this version. That second sentence wasn’t in the prior version, and I’m glad it’s in this one; it’s very lovely. ^^

Thanks for noticing! I never expected someone to notice

First of all, that bolded part is just a glorious image, and I adore you for it. XDDD And the rest of the that section holds a very sharp and astute observation that also deserves applause.

=) I'm very opiniated on the commercilism of Christmas and I tried to use this fic as a medium to place some of my evil right-wing spew

LMAO! Oh, man….That is just fecking awesome as hell; it really is. XPPPPPPPPP

I just had to add a killing children joke XD Im morbid, arent I?

That right there’s just a good, strong, descriptive sentence. There, in a nutshell, one can get a very solid sense of the living conditions for Andromeda and her family (not to mention certainly all the other Jynx and Smoochum on Santa’s grounds).

Weird, I quickly added in that sentence in 2 seconds XD

That is just frelling adorable, and you know it. ^^ Again, I just love the increased character development, the scenes that show us a bit of the family dynamic there; it’s terrific. ^^

Yeah, I decided to add Isabelle in the beginning so her second appearance wouldnt seem so...random

Ouch! *winces* Damn, I felt that…Boss work describing those bloody details.

THANKS! A compliment on my horror writing...nice

THAT COMPARISON PWNS! XDDDDDDD Ah, I frickin’ love that. XD

Im considering setting it apart on its own paragraph

Like I said, this is even bosser than before. I’ll be back for the rest of this – I already know that it’s going to get better by default, but given the improvements I’ve already seen…this is gonna be insane. ^^

Thankies Sike Wikey! Its lovely reading your reviews, thanks for not chickening out since you read V1 XD

Saffy:

Awesome beginning. ^_^

I wrote the first thing that came to mind on the subject. I liked it as well

xDXDXD I read that paragraph, and I couldn't help but think: This is definitely Iceking's work. If your name hadn't been on it, I STILL would've guessed you. xDXD And Adromeda - another one of those names you just love, eh? Just like Malachite and Agamemnon?

Thanks....I think. And yes I LOVE old fashioned names, and funnily enough, there is going to be a charachter named Agamemnon XDDDDD

Horror? No, this is freakin' hilarious. Yay for the greedy little human children.

I couldnt help but add a wee amount of comedy in the beginning

XD... True, and whoever actually gives their little kids Grand Theft Auto for Christmas (Oh, you know they're out there) should be bludgeoned by good old Santa's Axe and run over by his Stantler in the process.

I whole-heartedly second that

xD So THAT"s what happened to the naughty little children. Should I be horrified? Well, I'm not. Does that mean I'm morbid?

Yes, you are morbid. But as am I, so don't fret

XDXD German for a reason, Iceking? Did you do your research? I'm curious to why German - and I find it ironic you're including "Our world" in here. XD...

...German was just the first race that came into mind XD To be honest, she reminds me of Gretzel from Malcolm in the Middle, if you've ever watched that.

Contempt? I think you mean 'content'.


AHHHH! Thanks for pointing that out

*Gasp!* Why am I amused? Maybe because I just had the urge to listen to Weird Al Yankovics song "The Night Santa Went Crazy." XD.. It reminds me of your 'fic...


I have to find that song...

Smoochum images. XD... No offense, but their little forms disturb me, and that sentence right there makes me want to run and hide. Still, I love her name.

Its ok, Smoochum are to cute for the world to handle afterall.

I suppose you know what's coming next, here. If you don't... Well.. too bad. COMMAS BEFORE DIRECT ADDRESSES! XD Yes, I am going to drill it into your head. ^_^ I hope I've made some kind of impression.

AHHHHHHHHHHHRGHHHHHHH! Yes Ma'am. Problem is, I dont hear the pause in my head which is why I keep forgetting


So very mother-like. XD I get that quite often from my mother. >.>

I just hope your mother doesnt do what Andromeda did next...

Lets all get a nice big smile now. XD....

*cough* Nurse Joy *cough*

I don't know about you, but I was expecting a Sweet Kiss.

o_0 Interesting

Real Ice Sculptures, or sculptures a la Andromeda? xD

...whatever you want

Holiday Spirit? *snorts*

Your such a big meanie, realist >=(

That sentence rocked, and you know it. XD

I do know it =)

*The rejoicing dies, and the multitude waits for either Andromeda to surface, drown, or the fat man that is Santa Clause to appear with his axe and make everyone happy*

Oh, we shall see...

Iceking - Iceking XD... You have now made me your loyal follower. No offense to Whirl Islands, but this "Two-shot" rocks. Royally - no, it pawns. A pity it isn't Christmas-time right now. But I'm sorry... XD This one-shot rocks. Some parts are definitely have the atmosphere of Horror, but I was too busy smiling at the imagery that is sadistic Santa Clause to notice (and I am content). I'm guessing the more dark part will come in the next segment.

The description was awesome, and I laughed at your gratuitous description of Jynx - I didn't expect any less, and your dialogue is awesome, but I prefer the narrative above all else because how funny (and morbid) it is at the same time.

You really have a Masterpiece here, and I can see why this won 2nd place. I'm in love with this one, and you've made me happier than a Persian high on catnip. >.> Post the next segment, dangit. And while your at it, if you've never heard it, listen to Weird Al's "The Night Santa went Crazy." Because it makes me think of this story, as I've mentioned before.

So yeah, everything's awesome right here, no complaints -- except for the DANG COMMAS BEFORE DIRECT ADDRESSES! But we know all about that right? :cool: Eh?

I don't usually give ratings, but this is definitely a 10/10.

Have a nice day! :D

First place was Negrek, theres no way I can humanly defeat her XD Thanks a million for reviewing this fic, I wuv ya! I'm glad you appreciated the difficult mixture of comedy and horror. Gratuitous was a vocabulary word...but it kinda is nessecary to keep the description hounds off oe me XD I get it about the commas...I shall listen to the song...thanks for reviewing and have a good tomorow =)
 
Wow... I love it. Your writing style is so captivating, it held my interest all the way through. I must say, you have a way of making such an odd topic make sense. The characters are all well crafted, and detailed.

I never would of thought to associate Jynx with St. Nick. I've no real clue why. Intersting how you made that jolly ol creep seem evil. I hate the cold too.. Yup.

I also enjoyed the fact that you began in the middle of the story and went backwards, it got my interest immidiatly that way.

I'm really looking foward to the next part... Please don't kill me ;0;
 

Bay

YEAHHHHHHH
Hey IceKing! Since you reviewed my fic I will do the honors to review yours. I really liked this story so far. So you start the story off in medias res huh? Liked that. I do not think I can pull off a story starting off in the middle of the story. Anyways, also I liked how you did your characters. Now I wanted to hug Isabelle!

Anyways, here are a few parts I liked:
“I mean, NO! I’M NOT WORKING ANOTHER DAY! I’M SICK OF THIS ROUTINE! YOU’RE SO MORONIC TO SEE HOW PATHETIC YOUR LIFE IS BECAUSE OF STUPID SANTY CLAUS! I HATE HIM MOM! I HATE YOU TOO! ISABELLE SHOULDN’T HAVE TO SINK DOWN TO THIS AND NEITHER SHOULD I!” Andromeda cried, throwing random things in their small hamper around, enjoying the way they shattered against the wall.
That takes courage for Andromeda to tell her mother the truth! I can see Andromeda's mother as one of those mothers who only cared about work.
Raising her glowing white hand as high as she could, Andromeda fired a powerful beam of ice from her hand, which immediately struck her stunned mother and froze her in her angry snarl. Firing her Ice Beam at any other nearby passerby, Andromeda screamed with rage as she watched walking Jynx turning into frozen statues by her own hands. Many of the Jynx had never raised their hands to battle in their entire lives and ran away squealing, leaving only Andromeda and several ice sculptures behind.
I loved that part! Espically with the other Jynx running away.
Humans always exchanged presents to each other on the special day so that they could show their “love” to each other. Nowadays, the need for presents had grown to a ridiculous point where old woman attacked each other with their knitting needles to get the last copy of Grand Theft Auto for their five year old grandsons or shopped immediately after a fall festival known as “Thanksgiving” to get their “love” out of the way. Nevertheless, Santa Claus’s duty had always been to bring presents to little good children who believe in him while the naughty children were thrown into their fireplaces and chopped up by the axe Santa always carried (cutting firewood her ***…).
Who knows best then Santa Clause! (He does have the list).
By some miracle of Mew, the massive wall of ice filling the marble gateway disappeared for a split second. Andromeda tumbled through to the other side, and the wall immediately reappeared, protecting her from the wrath of her angry mother. They said Hell hath no fury like a Jynx scorned, but whoever said obviously never saw Cassandra’s face upon seeing her daughter beyond the dome of Santa’s Domain. Though Cassandra was normally a very dark purple, she somehow managed to turn beet red as she stared at her daughter from the closed gateway. She screamed fervidly, but Andromeda could not hear her.

She was free.

“I…did it.”
Yay, she's free! Maybe it is Mew that sets her free. That would be surprising!

She began blasting Ice Beams randomly, hoping to draw out whatever slimy creature was watching her but hit nothing but the gnarled tree and patches of the already frozen ice. The tree began to creak ominously as the massive amount of ice caking it caused the branches to begin cracking. Andromeda gazed at the small tree in horror as the branches snapped off and came crashing down through the thin ice, smashing it open and taking Jynx down into the frigid depths of the water with it.

“Ahh! Help! Somebody help!”

Andromeda thrashed violently in the chilly water as the pieces of ice drifted away, and her weight began to pull her down. As much as she lashed and thrashed her arms, frantic to try and swim, she could not bring herself to swim even in the time of desperate need. Slowly, she began to sink into the arctic waters, to only be forgotten by the world as another nameless Jynx, a slave to the fat *******, Santa Claus. Her fortitude could not save herself as her head submerged into the waters and only her blonde hair floated ghost like in the dark waters…
Dang, and I thought she is going to get away with it.
Anyways, real good and I hope you update this soon! Also, thank you for helping me with my fanfiction and hope you help me with it again soon!

Oh yeah, one more thing. If you do not know what medias res is, it is when a story starts in the middle.
 

katiekitten

The Compromise
Nice Iceking! I really enjoyed this, and I can't wait for the next part. :)

I'm glad the words 'Scarlet' and 'Christmas' aren't coloured crimson anymore. XD

Anways, lovely simalies in there. XD Especially the one with the old ladys and knitting needles... Apparently that happened when the 'cabbage patch kids' first came out. o_O

Well, I would say I am wondering who the thing that is following her is, but I kinda read ahead in the different version.*whistles* I was really enjoying it, as well! Evil Santa Claus! *lights fire in fireplace on christmas eve* He'll never take me alive! XD

This is a spectacular one shot, and I can see why you got second place. I can't wait for the next part! *plans to go to pokemon community and cheat* XD

Sorry for the little review... *hides*
 

IceKing

Sexorific!
Part Two is up! This fic will indeed be three part, but the following part is quite short.

First review response...

Byzantium:
Wow... I love it. Your writing style is so captivating, it held my interest all the way through. I must say, you have a way of making such an odd topic make sense. The characters are all well crafted, and detailed.

I never would of thought to associate Jynx with St. Nick. I've no real clue why. Intersting how you made that jolly ol creep seem evil. I hate the cold too.. Yup.

I also enjoyed the fact that you began in the middle of the story and went backwards, it got my interest immidiatly that way.

I'm really looking foward to the next part... Please don't kill me ;0;

You know Byzantium, I really wasn't serious when I demanded you review my fic XDDD But hey you were offering to and I wasn't about to say no... I'm happy that my writing style captivates you, thats a good compliment to recieve. My charachters are much better crafted than last time I believe, one of the things I aimed to fix. Jynx were revealed to be santas elves on the anime, that episode is now banned because of some stupid whiny...*stream of cuss words*. It didn't really start in the middle and go backwards, it was really more of a flashback. BUt I figured starting her off in the bitter cold was much more exciting. Thanks for reviewing! Ill check out your poetry tonight
Bay

Hey IceKing! Since you reviewed my fic I will do the honors to review yours. I really liked this story so far. So you start the story off in medias res huh? Liked that. I do not think I can pull off a story starting off in the middle of the story. Anyways, also I liked how you did your characters. Now I wanted to hug Isabelle!

I really don't consider my media res that impressive XD Its not that hard to do...you just need the write story. Thanks for reviewing! Remind me to review Heart of Sea if I forget

That takes courage for Andromeda to tell her mother the truth! I can see Andromeda's mother as one of those mothers who only cared about work.

That made me think of the two as humans


I loved that part! Espically with the other Jynx running away.

Oooh thanks! Now that I look back, I like the jynx running away as well

Yay, she's free! Maybe it is Mew that sets her free. That would be surprising!

No, no it's not Mew that set her free. We will learn why she was able to escape, but its NOT a legendary pokemon. WHile we're at it, theres no Articuno in this story either. I think legendaries are a bit overdone

Dang, and I thought she is going to get away with it.
Anyways, real good and I hope you update this soon! Also, thank you for helping me with my fanfiction and hope you help me with it again soon!

Oh yeah, one more thing. If you do not know what medias res is, it is when a story starts in the middle.

Remember Bay: a bird in the bush is worth two in the stone! (Don't make any judgements yet...) And I take Latin so I was able to deduce the meaning of media res =P

I'm glad the words 'Scarlet' and 'Christmas' aren't coloured crimson anymore. XD

Anways, lovely simalies in there. XD Especially the one with the old ladys and knitting needles... Apparently that happened when the 'cabbage patch kids' first came out. o_O

Well, I would say I am wondering who the thing that is following her is, but I kinda read ahead in the different version.*whistles* I was really enjoying it, as well! Evil Santa Claus! *lights fire in fireplace on christmas eve* He'll never take me alive! XD

This is a spectacular one shot, and I can see why you got second place. I can't wait for the next part! *plans to go to pokemon community and cheat* XD

Sorry for the little review... *hides*

When were they colored (no u!!!!) crimson? Thanks for reviewing KK, Im going to review your horror oen shot as well, I saw it go no reviews and thats no fair. Glad you liked my similes, I had a good chuckle with the cabbage patch kids bit. I did advertise my other version first so I s'pose its my part... Just pretend like the black thing is a moltres or somein ^^ Again, don't judge Santy Clause too early guys...and as long as its longer than "very good nice" and shows taht you actually read it, your review is long enough for me =P


Here's the next part...something a lot of you guys said in your reviews made it particularly tough to write =( You'll see what I mean


Part Two: Santa’s Mistake

“Ex dormiens incitate! Ex dormiens incitate!”

Andromeda’s eyes immediately bolted open, seeing the strange black creature hovering over her. She immediately thought she had sunken into the bowels of Hell, where she would be tormented by this dark creature forever while Santa Claus laughed at her from above. If she truly was in hell, it felt no different than true existence. Her body and hair had the remnants of one that was soaked in ice cold water, but it had dried with the help of a thick blanket wrapped around her. She was in a warmer area now, though not as blazing as she thought the flames of Hell would be.

“About time you have awoken, Jynx. My son pulled you from the depths of the water and brought you to me. I take it you have come from Father Christmas’s domain? Why have you come here?”

Andromeda took a closer look at the beast which spoke to her. She realized she was still alive but still felt uneasy upon looking at the black creature’s face. It was round and gremlin-like, with red eyes narrowed in dislike and a small mouth containing sharp teeth that looked like it could tear through Jynx’s arms in seconds. However, the most prominent feature of this creature was its mighty, crimson crown. The crown stood proudly on the beast’s head and extended down along his upper back and shoulders. It almost seemed too big for the creature’s tiny little body, which was skinny and barely reached up to her breastplates. Though it was small, it looked more menacing than any Jynx she had ever seen because of its large, razor-sharp claws…

“Well? Answer me!”

“Huh? Oh, I’m sorry. Yes, my name is Andromeda, I was a Jynx of Santa Claus. However, I did not want to work under that bastard another day of my life! I was sick and tired of the monotonous life of making toys constantly; I wanted a life of my own! So I escaped, and well here I am. What about you? What are you?” Andromeda spat, enraged at the thought of her escape. Curiousity finally began to hit her as she sat up and began examining her surroundings more closely.

They were in a dimly lit cave, covered with black and white ice. In the center of the room was the source of the heat, a small flickering fire. Horrible thoughts began to fill Andromeda’s mind. What if these beasts planned to kill and devour her? What if they were also under Santa Claus’s rule?

“Please do not use such foul tongue. My children are here, thank you.” Three smaller versions of the beast came from behind Andromeda and revealed themselves. They looked just like their father except they lacked the crimson crown, were more purplish, and had thinner claws. “Anyway, I am Agamemnon, the Manyula Chieftain of Sal-Moh. My children are un-evolved Sneasel. I suppose you never heard of our kind, the betrayers of Father Christmas.”

Andromeda’s eyes immediately lit up. “Betrayers of Father Christmas? What do you mean?”

Agamemnon did not answer her at first but rather asked one of his sons to bring the food over. The mysterious Sneasel nodded and scampered off, bringing a few dead fish back with him less than a minute later. Agamemnon then proceeded to spear the fish with sharpened sticks and handed them to his children who then began to roast them over the fire. Giving his children a wry smile, he finally turned to the Jynx to answer her questions.

“A thousand years ago, it was Sneasel and Manyula that ran Santa’s workshops rather than Smoochum and Jynx. We too were more than happy to work for him all our lives, not a care or thought in the world, but then, an infamous Manyula arose. His name was Nicodemus, and he thought for himself. I suppose he was like you in that he wanted to be his own pokemon, but unlike you, he had a bit more influence being Head Manyula of the workshops. He soon encouraged us to all rebel and in the year 936, no child received a present because not a single Sneasel or Manyula had lifted a finger. We were then banished into the Arctic by the fat man himself, and he recruited a colony of Jynx to make his toys instead. Now we suffer in the wild while you Jynx must suffer under Santa Claus.”

Andromeda paused to take all the information in while one of the Sneasel gave her a nice roasted Remoraid to eat. As she slowly nibbled at the delicious flesh, trying not to look too eager in front of this man who was the chieftain of a colony, Agamemnon began to speak once more, this time telling the story to his eagerly listening children as well,

“And so for the past millennium we Sneasel and Manyula formed this colony known as Sal-Moh, which in our ancient creed meant Land of Hope. There used to be much more of us, now only about a thousand remain. Many were killed on the treacherous attempt to cross those mountains to the Land of the Smiling Sun a thousand years ago. The mountains reach into the heavens themselves; they are impossible to cross. Father Christmas must have placed them there just to torment us, knowing we would always have to suffer here, but it matters not, we shall get our revenge some day…” Agamemnon spat bitterly as he started to devour his own fish.

Jynx had so many questions but didn’t want to ask a single one. She had finally come to realization that her hopes of reaching the Land of the Smiling Sun were too farfetched, and she would suffer in the cold for years and years, until her decrepit corpse finally burned in the flames of Hell. There was no escape; there was only suffering. Blinking back the tears that wanted to seep down her cheeks, she took another bite of the bland fish, savoring every single morsel. The Sneasel were staring at her avidly, wondering what sort of creature she was, probably never having heard of or seen a Jynx before.

“What if I can help you get your revenge?” Jynx muttered slyly.

“You? I doubt it. We stopped trying to get into the Domain centuries ago; Santa Claus just fortifies it too well! There is no way beyond that magical gate. We have come to terms with that and our lives long ago rather than constantly try to change our situation. In the meanwhile, you may live with us from now on; if any other Manyula’s child had found you, you would be dead by now, but I suppose am a bit kinder than that. And being the chieftain, no one dares defy my orders,” an dark glint entered his eyes at his words, and Andromeda could see why he became chieftain; she had never been more terrified, yet awed by a being. “Your psychic abilities may prove useful for us sometime as well.”

Andromeda still found it surreal that she was living among these strange beings that had the same feelings that she had and accepted her for who she was: an individual. She had been with them only ten minutes, yet she desired nothing better than to help them achieve their revenge on Santa Claus. Because the vile being known as Santa Clause forced them into slavery, they were trapped in a Catch-22 where they would have to live under his rule or live miserably in the Arctic free from his rule. Any sick creature that would force a pokemon into such a horrible trap deserved only one thing.

Death.

“Father Christmas may protect his domain carefully, but he has one major weakness: his lust for Jynx slaves. The gateway is enchanted to let any Jynx or Smoochum in, but not out. I learned this when I saw a pack of Jynx enter our colony fleeing a pack of Mightyena. How I got out, I will never know, but what’s important is that I can let you in, and we can all show Santa Claus our wrath!”

Agamemnon sat silently at her words and looked at her astounded. She proved much more useful than he ever bargained for. Grinning maniacally, he devoured his entire fish bone and chomped on it fiercely, tearing his tongue and his gums, but it mattered not since the day his people had awaited nearly a thousand years had finally come. Walking over to the Jynx, the greatest blessing he had ever met, he gave her a respectful kiss in her right hand, not doing it in the lips in fear of their deadly power.

Andromeda smiled wickedly as well, and the two walked out of the cave accompanied by the Sneasel.
Santa’s Domain would never be the same again….

One Week Later

“Kris, I really wish you would go to bed, ya? Christmas Eve has just started, and you have a very long night ahead of you tonight!” a motherly looking old woman nagged to her husband.

He was equally elderly looking with his thick white beard, ripe pot belly, and half moon spectacles that he wore on the bridge of his nose. All he fashioned was a white shirt and suspenders; he was ready to go to bed, but a nagging feeling kept telling him to stay awake. The old man was none other than jolly old Kris Kringle himself, ready for a long Christmas Eve of delivering presents. His Jynx were making the last preparations for his long sled ride across the world, and quite frankly, he could hardly wait! There was nothing better in this world than seeing the look on an innocent child’s face opening presents on Christmas morning.

But something was wrong.

Being a being of powerful magic and light, Santa Claus could always tell when something bad was to happen on a Christmas day. He could feel this nagging trepidation squirming in his bones. One Jynx already escaped in the deadly Arctic, and she would have never survived out there. If it hadn’t been for the fact that he was only allowed to leave the Domain on Christmas Eve, he would have gone after her, but alas, he couldn’t. Despite his efforts, he couldn’t shrug the horrible feeling aside yet and instead looked at his beautiful wife. Bound with the same magic he was, she too remained in the eternal elderly age as shown by her deep wrinkles, thick chained glasses, and puffy white hair that was always soft to the touch. She looked rather annoyed at being kept up, so Kris shook the feeling of trepidation aside, placed his glasses on his nightstand, and crawled into bed with his wife, not a worry in the world.

***​

Andromeda was drowning in a sea of black. Everywhere she looked, she saw one of the devilish gremlins, whether Sneasel or Manyula. They rubbed their blade-like claws together, sharpening them and preparing for their use later. She remained in the center of the horde along with Agamemnon and his children, ready to lead the way into Santa’s Domain. As they marched across the cold tundra, fighting against the never-ceasing blizzard, Andromeda stuck her tongue out and waited as the snow whipped and melted against her taste buds. Vengeance truly was a dish best served cold.

Andromeda found a good place among the gremlin pokemon, for she was their way into Santa’s Domain. In less than a week, she befriended some, including Agamemnon’s wife, Starla, and his brother, Gegadesh. She never had experienced such joy, living with those like her, the outcasts. Undoubtably, many had not trusted her, and were convinced she was leading them into their deaths. But others had gone mad from the cold; they were willing to take any chance for vengeance, even if it meant dying. After a solid week of planning, they decided to attack the Domain on the night before Christmas Eve, and get revenge on Santa Claus once and for all.

After nearly twenty hours of marching without food or water, they finally glimpsed the great dome of their target on the horizon. Their bloodlust only grew to amazing heights as they fantasized of what lay within and how it was only another few hours before the thousand year wish was at last granted. Father Christmas would finally receive the full wrath of Sal-Moh and the fallen Jynx and pay for his sins.

With blood.

Though their legs were sore and their entire bodies numb from marching in the harsh, frigid environment, they could not hold in their excitement and broke out into a full blown sprint across the sleek ice, ready to attack. Andromeda too was running as fast as she could, while Agamemnon led them in an ancient war chant. Still, the Jynx’s situation felt so incredibly fantastic. She was free from Santa’s Domain and now leading an attack on the man that maimed her for twelve years. The Jynx within would have to pay as well; their idiocy and lack of independence were what brought Andromeda into the horrible world. She could taste their blood on her lips…

***​

Kris Kringle awoke once more, the trepidation slowly seeping through his innards and twisting them in knots. His heart felt powerful fear greater than the time the first twelve houses he went to on Christmas Eve didn’t have milk or cookies. The pain only grew greater as time went by and no matter how hard he tried, he could not go to sleep. Looking to his side, he noticed that his wife had fallen into deep slumber, snoring rather loudly as well. The threat of her nagging him gone, Kris got out of his bed, put on his glasses, and walked downstairs for a nice glass of milk.

***​

Two hours, thirty five minutes, and twenty four seconds after seeing the Domain on the horizon, Andromeda and the dark pokemon had finally reached the Marble Gateway and the mighty wall of ice. Veiled by the shadow powers of the Manyula, Santa Claus and the Jynx would not know what hit them until each and every creature had entered Santa’s Domain. By then, there would be no hope for any being. Andromeda looked around the horde of gremlin pokemon; they were all giggling maniacally and looking up at her adoringly. One touch and the gateway would be open for all to walk in as long as Andromeda kept her hand on the hard marble. She turned to look at Agamemnon who gave her a reassuring nod, and the flock immediately split to make the pathway clear for her.

As she walked forward, she began to bank on all of her memories from the past twelve years. Being forced to work ever since she evolved into a Jynx at the age of three; all the times her mother Cassandra attacked her mind; the look on the jolly fat man’s face as he laughed his nefarious, “Ho ho ho…” Roaring with all her might, Andromeda broke out into a full sprint once more, ululating and screaming until her hand finally made contact with the marble arch.

***​

Kris Kringle was groaning on the floor now. Perhaps the milk he drank was spoiled or perhaps his land was in greater danger than he could have ever imagined, but all he knew was that he was suffering with great pain that could not be healed. It had progressed from a twisting sensation in his stomach to his entire body, both inside and outside, contorting and filling him with accursed pressure, pressure of horrifying events to come. As he lay on his stomach, clutching it tightly, hoping that he would vomit or somehow release the pain, tears began to stream down his wrinkled cheeks and dampen his white beard. Never in his entire two thousand years of existence had he felt such horrible pain.

Finally, the pain erupted into full scale agony as he felt like his organs explode from inside and his mind inflate with pressure until it finally burst. Eyes rolling to the back of his head, he finally could not take anymore and passed out.

As quickly as he passed out, he woke up, body still throbbing with the remnants of his anguish. Besides the throbbing, it was finally gone. Something had gone terribly wrong, and he had to find out what. Bringing himself to his feet, he walked slowly across the kitchen with his cane until he finally reached the window.

His cottage overlooked the entire domain, and he could see everything from the workshop roofs to the Marble Gateway. Immediately, he found the source of his ominous agony. Standing inside the domain in a single file line across the wall of the Marble Gateway was about a thousand Sneasel and Manyula, creatures he had not seen for at least a millennium. Kris’s stomach plummeted with horror as he saw who stood in front of the beasts.

It was Andromeda, the Jynx who had escaped.

***​

“Does Battalion B have their sticks?” Andromeda demanded as she walked in a circle in front of the dark pokemon. Almost immediately, about fifty Sneasel children raised the sharp sticks they held and brandished them violently in the air. Agamemnon grinned and then he turned to the nearly nine hundred fifty other pokemon.

“Battalion B, set fire to the barracks and workshops. There are torches lit everywhere; you will find your fire there. Afterwards, when the Jynx and Smoochum escape from their burning battalions, I want you to kill them immediately. Do not spare the young or elderly, kill every single one. When Andromeda, Starla, Gegadesh, my son, and I return from Father Christmas’s cabin, we expect the snow to be scarlet! A thousand years we have awaited this moment, and my brothers, today it has finally come!” Agamemnon ordered sharply as he turned to look at the cabin on the hill at the highest point of the domain.

“Do you see, Brother? He is looking out the window right now!” the Manyula named Gegadesh cackled, pointing at the window which was barely a speck from their point. Grinning happily at each other, Agamemnon raised his right claw, ready to give the signal.

“Three…two…o—“

“STOP!”

“Andwomeda?”

From a nearby building, a small Smoochum of barely two years stepped out. It was Andromeda’s sister, Isabelle. Being young and innocent, she did not fear the strange beasts and stared at them as if they were nothing but strange spots on the wall. Wobbling as she walked, she went towards Andromeda’s side quietly, looking around her surroundings confused. Andromeda fidgeted nervously, wondering what do to next, for her sister was the only one she ever loved.

“Andwomeda? I missed you! Are these your fwiends? What’s their names?” the tiny pokemon asked softly.

The Jynx began to feel reluctant, unable to bring herself to speak to the young pokemon. She continued to look up at her sister, eagerly awaiting a response. Agamemnon had no reluctance like Andromeda and walked forward to meet this Smoochum, his right claw bared.

“ANDWOMEDA! This monster scaws me! I don like him!” the Smoochum yelped as she ran from the Manyula and buried her face into the Jynx’s dress, eyes sparkling with tears. At the same time, tears were also building up inside of Andromeda’s eyes. It was time for her to make her decision.

Agamemnon looked at her impatiently, desperate to start the attack. He gave her an ice cold look that stated, “Make your choice, NOW.”

A single tear rolled down Andromeda’s cheek, but she did not sob or cry. After shutting her eyes tightly, she opened them once more. They were bright red and devoid of any emotion. “Do it.”

Agamemnon smiled wickedly and walked forward, holding his claw high in the air as it gleamed in the moonlight. The Smoochum looked up with her tear stained face at her sister who finally said something.

“Andwomeda?”

Her blood was the first to bathe the snow.
 

Sike Saner

Peace to the Mountain
Ah, yes. That part. ^^ That closing scene was one of those moments that just hits you on the head like a hammer. AWESOME. Sad as hell? You bet! But still awesome! =D

Love Agamemnon; love the Manyula and Sneasel tribe. ^^ Love the image of a huge freaking horde of the things swarming across the snow. Love the image of Sneasel children brandishing sharp sticks and laughing wickedly, anticipating bloodshed. Fwee! ^^

Highlights:

Andromeda paused to take all the information in while one of the Sneasel gave her a nice roasted Remoraid to eat. As she slowly nibbled at the delicious flesh, trying not to look too eager in front of this man who was the chieftain of a colony

Dammit, that made me want some fish sticks or something… XD

She had finally come to realization that her hopes of reaching the Land of the Smiling Sun were too farfetched, and she would suffer in the cold for years and years, until her decrepit corpse finally burned in the flames of Hell.

I like the word “decrepit”. ^^

Grinning maniacally, he devoured his entire fish bone and chomped on it fiercely, tearing his tongue and his gums

Ooh, sick! ^^ I liked that.

He could feel this nagging trepidation squirming in his bones.

I like that sentence. ^^

One Jynx already escaped in the deadly Arctic, and she would have never survived out there. If it hadn’t been for the fact that he was only allowed to leave the Domain on Christmas Eve, he would have gone after her, but alas, he couldn’t.

See, Santa ain’t really so bad. ^^ I like that he’s not really portrayed as a villain in this. Things in this story aren’t as simple as they might appear to a casual glance, and I like that fact very much. ^^

The Jynx within would have to pay as well; their idiocy and lack of independence were what brought Andromeda into the horrible world. She could taste their blood on her lips…

Another very satisfying little part there.

Kris Kringle awoke once more, the trepidation slowly seeping through his innards and twisting them in knots. His heart felt powerful fear greater than the time the first twelve houses he went to on Christmas Eve didn’t have milk or cookies.

NO MILK AND COOKIES?! OH NO!!!!! XDDDD

Looking to his side, he noticed that his wife had fallen into deep slumber, snoring rather loudly as well. The threat of her nagging him gone, Kris got out of his bed, put on his glasses, and walked downstairs for a nice glass of milk.

*snort!*

Kris Kringle was groaning on the floor now. Perhaps the milk he drank was spoiled or perhaps his land was in greater danger than he could have ever imagined, but all he knew was that he was suffering with great pain that could not be healed. It had progressed from a twisting sensation in his stomach to his entire body, both inside and outside, contorting and filling him with accursed pressure, pressure of horrifying events to come. As he lay on his stomach, clutching it tightly, hoping that he would vomit or somehow release the pain, tears began to stream down his wrinkled cheeks and dampen his white beard. Never in his entire two thousand years of existence had he felt such horrible pain.

Finally, the pain erupted into full scale agony as he felt like his organs explode from inside and his mind inflate with pressure until it finally burst. Eyes rolling to the back of his head, he finally could not take anymore and passed out.

Fwee, agony! =D

At the same time, tears were also building up inside of Andromeda’s eyes. It was time for her to make her decision.

Agamemnon looked at her impatiently, desperate to start the attack. He gave her an ice cold look that stated, “Make your choice, NOW.”

A single tear rolled down Andromeda’s cheek, but she did not sob or cry. After shutting her eyes tightly, she opened them once more. They were bright red and devoid of any emotion. “Do it.”

Agamemnon smiled wickedly and walked forward, holding his claw high in the air as it gleamed in the moonlight. The Smoochum looked up with her tear stained face at her sister who finally said something.

“Andwomeda?”

Her blood was the first to bathe the snow.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what we call a “DAMN!” moment. ^^


I just love this story to death. ^^ I look forward to the kick-*** conclusion...oh, fwee...*giggles madly in anticipation* ^_____^
 

Bay

YEAHHHHHHH
Hey Iceking! Looking good so far. Well, here are some of the highlights:

“Please do not use such foul tongue. My children are here, thank you.” Three smaller versions of the beast came from behind Andromeda and revealed themselves. They looked just like their father except they lacked the crimson crown, were more purplish, and had thinner claws. “Anyway, I am Agamemnon, the Manyula Chieftain of Sal-Moh. My children are un-evolved Sneasel. I suppose you never heard of our kind, the betrayers of Father Christmas.”
Ha, ha, funny. Adults still need to learn to keep their words to themselves sometimes when children are near! Also, so it is the Manyula and Sneasels that save Andromeda!
“What if I can help you get your revenge?” Jynx muttered slyly.
A new alliance is forming! Anyways, this could get interesting.

Vengeance truly was a dish best served cold.
So true for some odd reason.

Being a being of powerful magic and light, Santa Claus could always tell when something bad was to happen on a Christmas day.
I believed it could be "Being a person" instead of "Being a being".

“Does Battalion B have their sticks?” Andromeda demanded as she walked in a circle in front of the dark pokemon. Almost immediately, about fifty Sneasel children raised the sharp sticks they held and brandished them violently in the air. Agamemnon grinned and then he turned to the nearly nine hundred fifty other pokemon.
For some odd reason this scene reminds me of a lot of movies with a scene of a general gving his troops/soldiers a speech before a battle. Let the battle commence!

“ANDWOMEDA! This monster scaws me! I don like him!” the Smoochum yelped as she ran from the Manyula and buried her face into the Jynx’s dress, eyes sparkling with tears. At the same time, tears were also building up inside of Andromeda’s eyes. It was time for her to make her decision.
Aw.....Now I want to make Isabelle feel better!

A single tear rolled down Andromeda’s cheek, but she did not sob or cry. After shutting her eyes tightly, she opened them once more. They were bright red and devoid of any emotion. “Do it.”

Agamemnon smiled wickedly and walked forward, holding his claw high in the air as it gleamed in the moonlight. The Smoochum looked up with her tear stained face at her sister who finally said something.

“Andwomeda?”

Her blood was the first to bathe the snow.
Man! And I thougth Andromeda is going to be easy with her sister!

Anyways, good second part and can't wait for the last one!
 

katiekitten

The Compromise
o_O The plot thickens. :)

I is enjoying this very much, Iceking! Especially that ending... Like Sike aid, it hits you like a hammer. So sad... Poor Isabelle... ;_; You is very good at this. XD *pokes*

So The Sneasel are invading?!? Run for your lives! XD I had only read up to the beginning of this part, so it was all new. Which was very nice. :) I got sucked right in, I barely noticed the length. Congrats on a job well done! :)

When were they colored (no u!!!!) crimson?

On the pokemon community forums, the place where the link from the trial of terror led to? The words were coloured... Green? No! Stupid brain... Sorry, for some odd reason I thought they were crimson... No, they were green. ^.^;; Sorry about that... *gets eyes checked* XD
 

The Great Butler

Hush, keep it down
Manyula and Sneasel are EVIL. Not the kind of evil you hate, though---the kind you can't help but love, the kind with the sort of insane charm that is irresistable. They now join the ranks of my favorite maniacal fanfic characters with Commander Blizzard's Snattle and Metagross.

Great work overall. I particularly liked the line about Santa being upset the first 12 houses had no milk and cookies. But the ending---oh, that drove a stake right through my heart. Unflinching even when it comes to something as brutal as that---that's why this fic is so great.
 
Agamemnon smiled wickedly and walked forward, holding his claw high in the air as it gleamed in the moonlight. The Smoochum looked up with her tear stained face at her sister who finally said something.

“Andwomeda?”

Her blood was the first to bathe the snow.

you are one sick **** you know that
its a good story though
 

IceKing

Sexorific!
Sike Saner:

Ah, yes. That part. ^^ That closing scene was one of those moments that just hits you on the head like a hammer. AWESOME. Sad as hell? You bet! But still awesome! =D

I agree, I intended it to hit like a hammer rather than describing it because Isabelle is based off of my extremely cute neice XD I second the sad as Hell.

Love Agamemnon; love the Manyula and Sneasel tribe. ^^ Love the image of a huge freaking horde of the things swarming across the snow. Love the image of Sneasel children brandishing sharp sticks and laughing wickedly, anticipating bloodshed. Fwee! ^^

And I had the audacity to use a Manyula too! Oh Snap!

Dammit, that made me want some fish sticks or something… XD

It made me hungry too. Im gonna go eat after writing this review response in fact XD

I like the word “decrepit”. ^^

When I hear that word, I get the taste of grandma on my tongue

Ooh, sick! ^^ I liked that.

Writing that part made my own mouth hurt

See, Santa ain’t really so bad. ^^ I like that he’s not really portrayed as a villain in this. Things in this story aren’t as simple as they might appear to a casual glance, and I like that fact very much. ^^

Thanks for that!

NO MILK AND COOKIES?! OH NO!!!!! XDDDD

=(((((((((((

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what we call a “DAMN!” moment. ^^


I just love this story to death. ^^ I look forward to the kick-*** conclusion...oh, fwee...*giggles madly in anticipation* ^_____^

I look forward to it too, im going to be extending it even more!

Bay

Ha, ha, funny. Adults still need to learn to keep their words to themselves sometimes when children are near! Also, so it is the Manyula and Sneasels that save Andromeda!

Yep, a Sneasel was sneaking around and just watching her and then called for help in saving her

A new alliance is forming! Anyways, this could get interesting.

Oh it will get interesting

So true for some odd reason.

ANd it was a cheesy pun. Get it, COLD?

I believed it could be "Being a person" instead of "Being a being".

True, ill fix dat


For some odd reason this scene reminds me of a lot of movies with a scene of a general gving his troops/soldiers a speech before a battle. Let the battle commence!

And Thats what it is

Aw.....Now I want to make Isabelle feel better!

*cringes*

Man! And I thougth Andromeda is going to be easy with her sister!

Anyways, good second part and can't wait for the last one!

That was my original plan (easy on the sister) =( But I decided that her death would truly show her transition into evil. I await you at the last part =P

Katiekitten

I is enjoying this very much, Iceking! Especially that ending... Like Sike aid, it hits you like a hammer. So sad... Poor Isabelle... ;_; You is very good at this. XD *pokes*

Oww, no pokeys! Im glad your enjoying this. This whole one shot was originally a joke XD That ended up working 0_0

So The Sneasel are invading?!? Run for your lives! XD I had only read up to the beginning of this part, so it was all new. Which was very nice. I got sucked right in, I barely noticed the length. Congrats on a job well done!

Oooh, im glad that you got sucked in! I got sucked in while writing too

On the pokemon community forums, the place where the link from the trial of terror led to? The words were coloured... Green? No! Stupid brain... Sorry, for some odd reason I thought they were crimson... No, they were green. ^.^;; Sorry about that... *gets eyes checked* XD

Ahh, that must be because of the highlight part in the URL. Take that off next tiem

TGB:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Manyula and Sneasel are EVIL. Not the kind of evil you hate, though---the kind you can't help but love, the kind with the sort of insane charm that is irresistable. They now join the ranks of my favorite maniacal fanfic characters with Commander Blizzard's Snattle and Metagross.

Thanks! And your comparing this to one of those HUGE fanfictions too, how sweet..

Great work overall. I particularly liked the line about Santa being upset the first 12 houses had no milk and cookies. But the ending---oh, that drove a stake right through my heart. Unflinching even when it comes to something as brutal as that---that's why this fic is so great.

The ending drove a steak through my heart too =( I had to take a break in the original writing because it had me all sad. I myself definetely wasnt unflinching

SD:

you are one sick **** you know that

...
.....
......

;__; T-that's t-the m-most beautiful compliment I ever recieved!


Part Three will be up in a few weeks, after Saffire Persian reviews most likely
 

Saffire Persian

Now you see me...
Ahh... much more serious than last chapter, I see. Well, here we go.

Though it was small, it looked more menacing than any Jynx she had ever seen because of its large, razor-sharp claws…

Agreed - I love Manyla and Sneasel.

“Please do not use such foul tongue. My children are here, thank you.” Three smaller versions of the beast came from behind Andromeda and revealed themselves. They looked just like their father except they lacked the crimson crown, were more purplish, and had thinner claws. “Anyway, I am Agamemnon, the Manyula Chieftain of Sal-Moh. My children are un-evolved Sneasel. I suppose you never heard of our kind, the betrayers of Father Christmas.”

There's Agamemnon, and Nicodemus is just around the corner. XD And cute kids. Loved Agamemnon's line there, too. "Don't use such a foul tongue." XDXDXXDXD

One Week Later

“Kris, I really wish you would go to bed, ya? Christmas Eve has just started, and you have a very long night ahead of you tonight!” a motherly looking old woman nagged to her husband.

So we DO get to meet his wife. XD

There was nothing better in this world than seeing the look on an innocent child’s face opening presents on Christmas morning.

Maybe he's not so satanic... except to the bad kids.

The threat of her nagging him gone, Kris got out of his bed, put on his glasses, and walked downstairs for a nice glass of milk.

XD Milk - and No Mrs. Clause to nag at him! XD Quite liked that.

***


As she walked forward, she began to bank on all of her memories from the past twelve years. Being forced to work ever since she evolved into a Jynx at the age of three; all the times her mother Cassandra attacked her mind; the look on the jolly fat man’s face as he laughed his nefarious, “Ho ho ho…” Roaring with all her might, Andromeda broke out into a full sprint once more, ululating and screaming until her hand finally made contact with the marble arch.

Ho-ho-hoh is indeed nefarious. o.o And Ululating? *Goes to look up*

Finally, the pain erupted into full scale agony as he felt like his organs explode from inside and his mind inflate with pressure until it finally burst.
This sentence sounds wrong. As he felt like his organs explode? How about... 'like his organs exploded from the inside'?

“Does Battalion B have their sticks?” Andromeda demanded as she walked in a circle in front of the dark pokemon. Almost immediately, about fifty Sneasel children raised the sharp sticks they held and brandished them violently in the air. Agamemnon grinned and then he turned to the nearly nine hundred fifty other pokemon.

The Sneasel/Manyula have quite an advantage, too. Totally immune from Psychic powers. XD What I wouldn't give to see this animated.

and I return from Father Christmas’s cabin, we expect the snow to be scarlet!

I very much like that line.

“Do you see, Brother?

You know how happy that one comma makes me? :D

Wobbling as she walked, she went towards Andromeda’s side quietly, looking around her surroundings confused. Andromeda fidgeted nervously, wondering what do to next, for her sister was the only one she ever loved.

Aww. xD She's still cute, even if she is a Smoochum, she's very, very cute.

Her blood was the first to bathe the snow.

That has to be one of the most fantastic closures I've ever seen. It hits you with all the impact of an anvil.

I loved this part - though the laughs were all missing from it in this one, to take on a more serious, darker tone. Good-bye Father Christmas. XD ... I wonder how big of a fight he'll put up? As for the new characters introduced, I very much like them. As Sneasel are one of my favorite pokémon, it was a joy to see them in here, and I liked how you portrayed them. XD Pointy Sticks...heh

Your narrative itself was quite good as well, a great amount of description, and some parts sounded just plain awesome - as well as some of that dialogue. Poor Isabelle. ^^ You showed the transition of Andromeda very well that way. I like how you did it, even if it meant the poor Smoochum had to die.

My favorite part, though, would have to be the ending. You stop it as such a great note that really leaves a lot of impact and emotion. o.o Kudos for that one, and I can't wait for the third installment.
 

IceKing

Sexorific!
Fweeee! The last part is up in this post! This is the first fic I have ever completed so yay for me! Thanks everyone who read this!

First I must respond to SP:

Ahh... much more serious than last chapter, I see. Well, here we go.

Wait till you see this part =)


There's Agamemnon, and Nicodemus is just around the corner. XD And cute kids. Loved Agamemnon's line there, too. "Don't use such a foul tongue." XDXDXXDXD

I loved that line as well. It was kind of a joke towards me


Maybe he's not so satanic... except to the bad kids.

Agreed


Ho-ho-hoh is indeed nefarious. o.o And Ululating? *Goes to look up*

Ululating is what the native americans do

This sentence sounds wrong. As he felt like his organs explode? How about... 'like his organs exploded from the inside'?

Thanks for telling me that!

The Sneasel/Manyula have quite an advantage, too. Totally immune from Psychic powers. XD What I wouldn't give to see this animated.

Im glad you understand the situation. Hopefully my description is good enough to have it animated...I had trouble

You know how happy that one comma makes me?

=D

That has to be one of the most fantastic closures I've ever seen. It hits you with all the impact of an anvil.

I'm very happy everyone loves that line!

I loved this part - though the laughs were all missing from it in this one, to take on a more serious, darker tone. Good-bye Father Christmas. XD ... I wonder how big of a fight he'll put up? As for the new characters introduced, I very much like them. As Sneasel are one of my favorite pokémon, it was a joy to see them in here, and I liked how you portrayed them. XD Pointy Sticks...heh

Your narrative itself was quite good as well, a great amount of description, and some parts sounded just plain awesome - as well as some of that dialogue. Poor Isabelle. ^^ You showed the transition of Andromeda very well that way. I like how you did it, even if it meant the poor Smoochum had to die.

My favorite part, though, would have to be the ending. You stop it as such a great note that really leaves a lot of impact and emotion. o.o Kudos for that one, and I can't wait for the third installment.

The final confrontation will indeed be quite good, at least IMO. I just had to use Sneasel and gave myself bonus points for using a Manyula. I considered making Isabelle survive, but I realized her death was nessecary to show Andromeda's true transition into evil. You don't know how happy I am to see how much you love my narrative. And here's the third installment!





Part Three: The Christmas No Child Got Presents

Kris Kringle stood in horror. He knew that the creatures were evil, but never did he think that they would do something as horrible as they just did. It only takes a truly dark being to spill the blood of an innocent child. He clutched his contorting stomach once more; he really felt as if he would vomit this time. Turning his head from the window, fearing what horrible things they would next, he slid down with his back against the wall. It was the end. There would be no way he could warn the Jynx without getting killed first. They would all have to pay for his past… Now he could only save himself and Mrs. Claus…

“Honey, what’s going on? AAHH!” Mrs. Claus had appeared at the top of the stairs in her nightgown, checking to see where her husband went. Instead, she saw him against the wall, his eyes widened in horror and his hand clutching his heart. He began to sob, looking both frightened and distraught. Finally, he caught sight of his wife and immediately leapt to his feet.

“T-they h-have come,” Kris mumbled, still distraught and sobbing.

“What are you talking about? Who are they?” Mrs. Claus asked, getting terrified herself.

His finger quivering, Kris pointed to the window which his wife immediately looked out of. She screamed in horror at seeing all the black beasts swarming the domain, some setting sticks on fires and burning the buildings while Jynx and Smoochum began to run out and try to escape the massacre. But alas, none were able to escape. Either they were trapped to be burned alive or had to take their chances outside where they would be stabbed viciously by the claws of the gremlins.

She then turned to her husband, white as snow.

“We must hide, Anna! Hurry!”

*****​

The assault had started! War cries and ululations were as loud as the shrieking and bawling of the slaves to Santa Claus. Nearly half of the barracks were blazing brightly in an inferno of burning wood and pokemon. The Jynx and Smoochum had started to run out of their buildings, only to scream at sight of the Sneasel and Manyula. Slowly they were beginning to fall at the claws of the black beasts, and hundreds of bodies were littering the bloody snow in barely fifteen minutes.

Pandemonium ensued; no one knew what was going on. Jynx were running as fast as they could, tripping over the corpses of their fallen friends, and Smoochum were being trampled to death whereas the elderly were trapped inside the burning barracks, where they were slowly devoured by the dreaded flames. Agamemnon cackled as he watched the massacre before his very eyes and started to impale Jynx at random with his already blood-soaked claws. Very few Jynx made it farther than ten yards before being brutally murdered. Some were not killed instantly and rather fell to the red snow, bawling as they clutched their wounds, slowly bleeding to death. Others were desperately trying to fight back, but failed miserably. Their psychic powers had no effect on dark pokemon like Manyula and Sneasel, and their ice attacks had very little effect, though they did manage to freeze a few of their enemies.

All throughout this attack, Andromeda still stood in the same spot where she stood when her sister was murdered, blood fresh on her feet. Many of her fellow Jynx fell to her feet and begged with streaming eyes to be spared, but were only killed at her feet by Gegadesh and Starla. Her eyes remained red and emotionless, and her body remained immobile. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed a familiar looking barrack about to be burned by a Sneasel bearing a burning stick. She remembered that barrack and who slept within.

“STOP! DO NOT BURN THAT BARRACK!”

Running to her former home as swiftly as she could, she froze the burning stick before it could make contact with the wood with an Ice Beam, chastising the Sneasel and demanding no one else follow her inside. The battle she faced inside was for her to fight and no one else.

Inside the wooden barrack were many frightened Jynx and bawling Smoochum who hid far back and shrieked violently as they saw Andromeda enter. They were too frightened to leave the barrack, fearing what lay outside. Andromeda felt cold and indifferent toward them and simply stared at them.

“Where is Cassandra? Tell me and you shall be spared!” Andromeda snapped.

In unison, they all pointed upward to the highest floor where Andromeda and Cassandra once resided. Walking to the great wooden ladder that rose to each room in the barrack, she slowly climbed up, desperate for revenge on the woman who dared to torture her for twelve years. Time went by slowly as she grasped each rung slowly, passing other whimpering fools, until she finally reached the peak.

“Andromeda? Are you okay?”

Cassandra rose from behind her bed and looked at her daughter who walked toward her with her head facing downwards. Andromeda walked slowly to her mother, completely devoid of any feeling except the blind rage that slowly roused within her soul. When she was only a foot away from her mother, she finally raised her head, revealing her blazing red eyes.

“ANDROMEDA! You’re the one who stared this, aren’t you? How could you Andromeda? How could you!” Cassandra snapped bitterly, pointing a quivering finger accusingly. Despite seeing what had become of her daughter, she still remained without any fear. Andromeda clenched her teeth tightly; angered deeply at the fact that even at the point of death, her mother still remained the same despicable woman.

“You just don’t get it do you! AHHHHHHH!” Screaming as audibly as she could, Andromeda grasped her mother by the neck and with one fierce throw, tossed her against the wall and punched her jaw as hard as she could, white hot flames roaring from her fist. Ten seconds of this later, Cassandra’s face was nothing but a bloody mess, yet somehow she kept the same malevolent smile. Her jaws were bruised and nearly broken, but somehow she still managed to move them very slowly just to spite her daughter.

“I…do…get it. You’re…a little…naughty child…and…and… will only receive coal this Christmas!”

“Still, you remain the same you vile, vile woman! This is your fault! Because of you all the Jynx are dying! Because of you no child will get a present this Christmas! It’s all because of you!” Andromeda sobbed, pointing her own accusing finger down at her fallen mother with anger. For several moments, they glared at each other in silence until Cassandra put a glowing purple hand to her jaw, and was able to speak normally once more.

“No, Andromeda. You were always a whiny little know-it-all who wasn’t strong enough to face her destiny. You are nothing but a filthy Wurmple, too lazy and too stupid to be able to do anything for your life! Don’t you see what you have become? And yet you dare to call me vile?”

Immediately, the blazing beast that remained within Andromeda for the past twelve years finally escaped in the form of psychic energy and took hold of Cassandra. Just like her mother, Andromeda’s eyes flashed rainbow and her blonde hair fanned out behind her. She raised her hand, and simultaneously, her mother rose as well until they were face to face, bathed in a light blue glow. Cassandra continued to cackle, desperate to only increase her daughter’s rage. Roaring insanely, Andromeda thrashed her arm to the left, causing her victim to follow, hurtling through the air and crash on the wall of the barracks, plummeting fifty feet below with a deafening crunching of bones.

Andromeda stood their silently, staring at the blood stain on the front wall of the barracks intently. Meanwhile, she heard the pokemon in the bottom floor screaming bloody murder, perhaps at the mangled corpse of Cassandra. Her Psychic attack ended, and her body was back to normal, except for the fact that her eyes still burned brightly with a red flare. She took a few minutes to walk around the room, looking at the different possessions and areas, knowing this would be the last time she ever saw them. Finally, she came upon her mother’s lucky hammer, passed down for seven generations. It had been used to make toys for centuries, but this Christmas, it would serve a different purpose. Taking it with her, she slowly climbed down the ladder once more until she reached the bottom floor where the pokemon continued to bawl at sight of Cassandra’s body.

She looked down at the face down carcass meticulously. Cassandra’s blonde hair was tinged with red while her scarlet dress looked no different despite being drenched in blood. Her arms and legs laid out spread eagled, a pathetic way to end a pathetic life. Andromeda turned the body over to look at the mess that was her mother’s face. Crashing with such force distorted it and squashed it to the point it was no longer recognizable, but one thing remained. The malevolent smile.

Fuck you, Mommy.”

She walked away, ignoring the bawling pokemon behind her. Outside, the three Manyula leaders and Sneasel waited for her, eager to finish off the main target. She nodded to them silently, and they walked off, ankle deep in red snow and stepping over the masses of carcasses that plagued the ground.

“What should we do with the ones in this barrack, Agamemnon?” a Sneasel asked, holding a blazing stick. The Manyula turned to Andromeda who spoke instead.

“Kill them.”

***​

“Anna, we should be safe here for now,” Kris reassured his wife.

They were in a dank, dark cellar. It was rather large, but was completely empty except for a few lit Christmas lights, melting snow, and another massive wall of ice, with two bright red caps kept by it. The cellar stank with the stench of mold that carpeted the walls, but despite the unpleasant conditions, it was much better than taking chances with the murderous pokemon. Mrs. Claus cried silently in her husbands arms. They both heard the cries of the dying Jynx and could do nothing.

“But Kris, what shall we do when we have to get out of here? Ze beasts will wait until we reveal ourselves, ya!” She asked quietly.

“Don’t worry. This cellar was made as an alternate route out of the Domain on Christmas Eve in case the Main Gate stopped working. On midnight tonight, the wall of ice at the end over there will disappear, and we can escape in the world, flying with those magical caps. Very few beings know of this cellar and how to get in. We will be safe my dear Anna, don’t you worry!” Kris assured his wife, holding her closer; looking nervously at the door, hoping no one would step in.

***​

The party of assassins finally arrived at the door of Santa’s cottage, ready to dispose of him once and for all. They overlooked the Domain and grinned at the bloodbath they witnessed. Jynx were dying by the split-second, and the snow could no longer be seen as it was either drenched with blood or littered with corpses nearing the thousands now. Andromeda turned the doorknob, but of course, the door was locked. Agamemnon simply laughed and told everyone to clear the way. Placing his claws parallel to each other and closing his eyes tightly, particles began to zoom toward the empty space in between his claws until they formed a great orange sphere, pulsating with power. After a minute of storing power, Agamemnon tossed his claws upwards, and a massive beam immediately fired from within the sphere, blowing the door apart.

“Nice Hyper Beam!” Starla, Agamemnon’s wife, commented.

“It is indeed the signature move of the Nicodemus bloodline. Now, when we enter, Andromeda, Starla, and I will search for the fool and his wife while Gegadesh and Paco will stay at the door and make sure they don’t escape!” Agamemnon ordered as they moved into the comfy home.

“Alert us when you find the two! There is now way we can miss out on this!” Gegadesh pleaded as he stood by the door with the Sneasel, Paco, who held a lit stick, ready to torch the place as soon as the deed was done.

The three searched the house meticulously but didn’t find a single living creature. The house was indeed very beautiful. Persian rugs, china plates, feather beds, and even leather couches! It was all very organized and kept very neatly, probably by Mrs. Claus who had absolutely nothing to do in the day. However, as soon as they saw any possession or neatly decorated thing, it was immediately destroyed or ruined. They cursed repeatedly at not finding their victim, but suddenly a light bulb turned on in Agamemnon’s brain. After finding nothing in their upstairs bathroom, the party rushed back downstairs in Agamemnon’s lead to meet up with Gegadesh and Paco.

“Gegadesh, Paco, come with us. I know where they must be hiding. It is only a matter of time now!” Agamemnon ordered as the four began to follow him to the living room.

Andromeda had not said a single word since she ordered the destruction of her home. She quietly followed the other Manyula’s leaders, unable to say anything. After killing her mother, her personal demons were flaring and making a huge din within her soul. Just like she was being controlled by her mother again, she walked blankly and without expression, unable to think of anything, except for killing Santa Claus.

Finally, the party of five reached the lit fireplace which Agamemnon examined carefully, before putting the flames out with a Blizzard attack and revealing a large, gaping hole behind the firewood. The other four immediately gasped, beholding the way to him.

“Nicodemus was sure to find out as much about Santa’s Domain before he rebelled. This is one of the many secret passageways in the cottage, but what makes this passageway so special is the fact that there is an exit out of the domain in the room which this hole leads into. I wonder how that fat bastard managed to get his fat ass through that hole?” Agamemnon joked, resulting in the party bursting out in laughs, except for Andromeda, who still remained silent.

*****​

“Did you hear that? They’re coming Kris! I’m scared!” Mrs. Claus rambled as she started pulling on her hair and looking desperately for a hiding place.

“Yes, I know too! I should have taken more protective measures, but I was too scared! This is all my fault! Quickly, hide behind the ice wall! And don’t make any noise!” Kris spat frantically. They scurried from the door’s view and right behind the large wall of ice, hoping by some miracle the predators would go away.

Five minutes later, the door was immediately blown open by a Hyper Beam, and the party of assassins barged in, lit by Paco’s flaming stick. Only their haunting faces could be seen as they searched the room desperately for their victim. They looked at each other nervously, but suddenly, one of the Manyula stopped moving and started sniffing the air.

“I SMELL HUMANS! THEY’RE BEHIND THE WALL!”

Kris and Anna immediately took tight hold of each other, closing their eyes tightly and bracing themselves for what awaited.

“Come out right now you stupid fat bastard! You will pay for everything! COME OUT!” Andromeda had finally spoken, and this time, there was pure contempt etched on every line of her face. Her anger from when she cornered her mother was nothing compared to the fury she possessed now. The others had stepped back to let her be in the lead; she led them to him, and it would be her pleasure to finish him. Extending out one of her purple gloved hands and clutching her mother’s hammer with the other hand, she was ready to kill Santa Claus once and for all.

“I love you more than anything Anna,” Kris whispered, before kissing his wife’s forehead and wrapping his arms tightly around her chest in one final hug. He then stepped out from behind the ice wall, praying that they would not ask where his wife was, but his prayers were denied.

“Where is the woman? We smell a second human!” Starla demanded, brandishing her bloody claws ominously.

Mrs. Claus closed her eyes tightly and sobbed as she walked from behind the ice wall, standing behind her husband. The face of the macabre, red-eyed Jynx stared at her with utter repulsion for thirty seconds before speaking.

“Kill the spare!”

“No! Please, I’ll do anything! Just don’t hurt her! Please! I am begging you!” Santa Claus pleaded, crying and holding his sobbing wife as hard as he could.

His pleads were ignored as the three Manyula marched forward to take Mrs. Claus away. All four hundred pounds of Kris turned around as he wrapped his arms around his dear wife and attempted as fiercely as he could to protect her from the claws of the beasts. Rather than try and play tug-of-war with the fat man, the Manyula simply slashed his arms repeatedly until he dropped his wife, taking a good twenty swipes. As soon as the old woman fell on the ground, Gegadesh and Starla dragged her off by her two legs while Agamemnon prevented any retaliation from Santa Claus.

“ANNA!”

“KRIS!”

Driven by the love for his wife, Kris kicked Agamemnon out of the way and ran to take her back, before having his feet frozen to the ground by Andromeda. As soon as Agamemnon brought himself to his feet once more, he leaped onto the frozen old man and started to slash his legs to match his already bloody arms. Afraid he would bleed to death, Andromeda called Agamemnon off. Meanwhile, Mrs. Claus had been dragged off to the very back of the room, where she was barely visible by the Christmas lights. She hollered with all her might, but soon had her mouth covered by Gegadesh’s claws.

Kris stared in horror as Agamemnon walked forward to meet her. He was too heartbroken to even produce a single tear as he watched the gremlin pokemon surrounded her, keeping her out of his sight. It was only a matter of time…

“KILL HER RIGHT NOW!” Andromeda ordered as she and Paco turned to watch the bloodbath.

Indeed the following five minutes were the most painful in Kris Kringle’s two thousand year life. He could barely see what was going on, but hearing it was ten times worse then seeing it. Anna screamed in agony as they did all sorts of horrible things to her with their blood stained claws. The one thing he did see was them plunging their sharp claws into her brutally, dripping with a shiny red liquid when they pulled them out. He also saw one Manyula hackneying her poor, beautiful face, stabbing her eyes and ripping her very beauty apart. Three minutes later, the screaming stopped, but the assault didn’t. Even when her life had disappeared, they continued to desecrate her corpse until their claws could take no more.

Andromeda cackled maliciously watching the massacre, though not taking part. Finally, the three Manyula came forward away from the motionless lump on the floor, faces splattered and claws sodden with blood. What’s more was that the evil creatures were smiling. Kris stood there, unable to process what had happened. His eyes watered and his mouth hung open, but he was unable to make any noise.

“Leave,” Andromeda ordered to the four others in the room.

“Excuse me? You’re ordering me to leave? How dare you show such insolence! I could have had you killed when I first saw you, and you would have never got a chance to have this moment! You’re lucky enough I’m even letting you take his life! I too want to see the fat bastard’s downfall!” Agamemnon roared. Andromeda stared at him coldly, considering his words for a few seconds.

“Fine, you may stay, but stay by the bitch’s corpse. I want to talk to him!” Andromeda sighed. They nodded and returned to the dead Mrs. Claus’s side, eagerly awaiting the next moments. She walked forward until she was face to face with the man she loathed so much, hammer still by her side.

“Andromeda, right?” he asked solemnly, pretending that his wife was never murdered.

“Yes, my name is Andromeda, the one who escaped,” Andromeda responded quietly, talking as if they were having a tea party.

“Please tell me, Andromeda, why did you do this? What possibly brought you to have nearly ten thousand of your sisters killed? Why do you hate me so much?”

“You want to know why I hate you? Because it is because of you that my life is so atrocious! Every day I had to wake up and make toys in a mundane, monotonous life. I hated it! Why did I have to be mind controlled by my mother? Why should I have to be a slave under you? TELL ME!” Andromeda growled, beginning to cry.

“Tell ME Andromeda. Why did you never tell me? My cabin is always open to any Jynx or Smoochum; I come to visit the workshops nearly every other day. You had years to tell me you hated this life. I would have been more than happy to take you to the Land of the Smiling Sun! In fact, the reason the Marble Gateway let you through is because of your strong desire to leave. The Marble Gateway is meant to protect Jynx from the Arctic, not to cage them inside. No pokemon or human should have to suffer in preparation for Christmas. What is the point of children getting presents if the presents were made in ill-will? I am very sorry your mother controlled your mind, that was despicable, but still, you could have always told me. Was all this worth all the blood being shed?” Kris Kringle responded, crying himself.

Andromeda paused as she took in his words. His words were true; she could have just talked to him rather than suffering alone. Maybe she was actually wrong rather than him. Maybe he wasn’t a fat bastard. NO! She would not submit to his kind and gentle words! He may have the rest of the world under his pudgy fingers, but not her!

“LIAR! You should have never entered any Jynx into slavery! We are not your little servants, we’re a proud and powerful species who you kidnapped and brainwashed into working for you! And look at the Manyula and Sneasel! They wanted to leave, but you only let them once they refused to work!”

“Exactly!” Agamemnon piped up from behind.

“SHUT UP!” Andromeda snapped, blasting an Ice Beam in his direction.

“Actually, Andromeda, the Sneasel and Manyula never suffered. When I first opened Santa’s Domain, there were less than a thousand children celebrating Christmas, and I only had a thousand presents to make, but when the Christmas spirit spread, I needed more help, and the native Sneasel and Manyula saw that. They volunteered to help me out, in exchange for refuge from the blistering Arctic. I’m afraid that Manyula who put you up to this has been lying through his teeth. For you see, Nicodemus was an evil Manyula, and he despised me because I stood for everything he was against, so he tricked the population into thinking I was planning on killing them all. They escaped themselves, never banished. I tried to show Nicodemus’s true colors, but they never believed me. I was sad to have them hate me, but what could I do? Force them to work for me?” Kris responded firmly, angered at the fact the blood of Nicodemus turned on him once more.

“YOU BASTARD! HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY BLOODLINE! NICODEMUS WAS TWICE THE MAN YOU’LL EVER BE!” Agamemnon roared as he sprinted from the corpse toward Santa Claus, ready to slash him apart.

“NO!”

He was instantly frozen to the spot as Andromeda’s Ice Beam struck him directly. The other pokemon dared not to move, knowing the lengths the Jynx would go to. Giving the Manyula a disgusted snarl, Andromeda then turned to face Kris one final time.

“You never stop lying! What about the Jynx? They were supposed to be your little replacements?”

“No, the Jynx were being hunted by the newly released Sneasel and Manyula. They heard of my legend and sought me, desperate for refuge from their kind’s extinction. Ironic how they didn’t know that by entering this Domain they sealed the fate for their seed,” He muttered bitterly, still looking at Andromeda with a look of utmost respect and love.

“You…liar…”

“Do you dare to call me a liar, Andromeda? You have made a deadly mistake and though your eyes shine red with blood, I see a soul deep within. That soul cannot bear the burden of the blood on your shoulders, that soul knows you are wrong!”

“STOP LYING! THAT’S IT! YOU STUPID, LYING FAT BASTARD! TAKE YOUR LAST BREATH!” Jynx howled, raising her hammer as high above her head as she could.

But she never brought it down.

Andromeda dropped the hammer with her arm still high in the air, her expression frozen in its angry, bloodthirsty state. One large claw wrapped around her belly as another slowly sawed through her back, cutting into her innards and spilling blood all over the floor. She began to spit up blood as Agamemnon’s claw began to protrude out of her dress, soaked with the scarlet horror. Soon, the entire claw was completely jutting out of the wide-eyed Jynx’s belly. Santa Claus looked just as horrified as he saw the poor Jynx dying before his very eyes. Giving his claw a nice twist, Agamemnon heaved his claw out, leaving a shocked Andromeda with a huge, cavernous wound in her middle. Clutching the wound, Andromeda fell to the bloody floor, staring blankly at the ceiling and snarling face of the Manyula as she took her last breaths.

“You filthy Jynx, you dare think you can attack me without retribution? You will never have the pleasure of touching Father Christmas! May your soul burn in fiery depths Hell!”

Andromeda involuntarily heaved and gasped for air, hoping for survival somehow as more blood poured out from her wound. The dark cellar began to fade from view until she surrounded in pitch black darkness. From a distance, she heard Santa Claus screaming in pain, but soon that droned out as well. It was completely silent and black. She was unable to think or feel once more, until she saw a bright shining light. The light was indeed the most wonderful thing she had ever seen. It was bright yellow and shined brightly, filling her with a feeling of hope and determination.

The wise men who said one’s life flashed before their own eyes upon their death were wrong. Instead, it was her death that flashed before Andromeda’s eyes. Her life was death, Hell that trapped her for twelve entire years. The light blinded her eyes as it began to engulf her, and she realized her deepest desire had finally come true. She had finally arrived.

It was the Land of the Shining Sun.










Thank you everyone for reading my first succesfully completed fic!
 

katiekitten

The Compromise
:eek:

Wow! That was a spectacular ending, IceKing! *hugs* Nice little twist at the end, I did not expect that. I'm glad Santa was good in the end. *hugs santa plushie*

Poor Andromeda... At least she finally reached the land of the shining sun. That was a great ending, I can definently see why it got second place. So gory... Yet so nice... Poor everybody. I really enjoyed it!

Poor Mrs Santa... I feel sorry for them all, now. Well, not really Andromeda. She didn't have to kill everyone. Especially not the smoochum. *Shakes finger at her* XD

Sorry for taking so long to reply. I had a small crisis in the middle of reading it: My parents found a baby bird in the front garden and wanted me to take care of it. So we gave it a box with newspaper, fed it a few worms, checked up on it on the net, figured out we were supposed to leave it and took it right back out again. We knew enough not to touch it. XD


Anyways, That was great. That made my day... *wanders off happily*
 
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