A...somewhat sentimental PMD fanfic. T_T

[Koridojo_Blaziken]

Daybreak (a PMD fanfic)--TITLE CHANGE!!

(EDIT: TITLE CHANGE!!)

Before we start this fanfic off:

I just want to make it clear that this was intended to be the first of a Mystery Dungeon trilogy. However, due to my getting the plot formed for the second story sooner, this one was posted later. Just so long as you all know that.

No, it's not some sappy romance or comedy. And yes, I know it's REAL original to have a fanfic based off of the PMD games (*sarcasm meter breaks from overload* O_O), but I just felt like it. Bear with me here, okay?

- - - - - -

"I'm sick and tired of this routine!" Darienne's father shouted. "It never changes! You keep PROMISING you'll 'fix things up tomorrow', but you keep blowing it off! Look at this!" He slapped the report card down inches away from a cowering Dai's face. "You call THIS acceptable?! With these grades, I'm surprised we even let you out of the house some nights!"

Dai sat with her head hung, thankful that her long bangs were falling over her face so they more or less hid her forming tears. She just wasn't naturally aggressive, and couldn't take anybody yelling at her. "Dad..." she began helplessly.

"Marcus, honey, please," her mom pleaded. "This is hard enough on her as is. Besides, you're just scaring Terrence--"

"Don't even give me any of that parental crap!" Dai's father whirled on her. "You know perfectly well what's going on! Failing classes! Shirking responsibilities! And you're still sticking up for her!" He turned his attention back to Dai. "I demand an explanation for this rubbish, young lady!"

"I-I don't have a reason, okay, dad??" Dai said, her voice wavering as she fought to stay composed. "I can't just magically snap my fingers and get one! I don't know why all this is happening, it just happened!"

"Don't even try to convince me with that," her father said in a menacingly low voice. "I'm not taking "I don't know". I asked for you to explain, and I want an answer!"

"Stop it!" Dai's mom shouted, her voice rising angrily. Across the table, Dai's younger brother Terrence started hiccuping through his scared tears and clutched his stuffed parrot, Cracker, even closer to himself.

"Darienne Phillips!" Dad shouted. "This is all your fault! Why can't you ever make a decision even roughly in the neighborhood of sane once in a while?!"

At this point, Dai's temper finally snapped. "Just shut up and get off my case!" she shouted, not even realizing what she was doing. "You think I don't already worry enough about this without your screaming at me all the time?! Just shut the heck up and leave me alone!" IT all became too much for her to even try to handle, and she jumped up from her seat and dashed up the stairs to her room, ignoring her father's demands to "get your sorry hide down here now!" Upon reaching her bedroom, she slammed the door shut and pushed the lock button in. There, she thought with cold satisfaction. That should get me some time. Acting automatically, she tossed a backpack onto her bed and started throwing stuff in. Clothes. Her wallet. A couple writing notebooks. One of the notebooks fell out and hit the floor, and a photograph fluttered out. Struggling to keep from bursting into tears, Dai bent down and gently picked up the picture, examining it as if it were an alien antique.

The picture had been taken when she, Mom, and Terrence had gone on a trip to SeaWorld. Dad had been away on a business trip--it was just the three of them, free to enjoy themselves as they wished. Dai's seven-year-old alter ego stood in front of a dolphin tank, grinning crazily and squeezing the life out of a plush Shamu toy. Saphire-blue eyes shone out from a freckle dotted face, and a stringy auburn braid hung out from beneath a pink PEEWEE SOCCER cap. This old girl, clad in shorts and a smiley-face tanktop, seemed like a total and complete stranger to Dai. Here she was, eight years later--the freckles had disappeared, her hair had darkened to an earthy brown, and her eyes had become a shade of gray, her outfits now ranging mostly around jeans and Asian tops. To Dai's displeasure, she was a bit short for 15 years old, referred to by most as a 'petite'. Nauseating.

And, to tell the truth, Dai hadn't been able to really smile like that for ages.

Dai sighed, gently tucking the photo and notebook into her backpack before zipping it shut and hoisting it onto her shoulder. She opened her window and lifted herself out by the branch of an oak tree growing next to their house. She clung to the branch, panting for breath (she'd been in gymnastics for a while, but that was years ago.), then resumed her silent but speedy climb down. Far above, she heard her father banging against her door. Too late for him to do anything--once on the ground, Dai started running. She had already decided where to go in case something like this happened.

Five minutes saw her at the doorstep of a tidy, single-story house. Taking a deep breath, Dai tapped on the door. Twice, pause, tap. Please, let Maggie be home... she prayed. Sure enough, the door clicked, and she found herself face to face with a black-haired teenager a few inches taller than her.

"A...Deedee?" Maggie brushed some hair out of her face, looking concerned. "Are you okay? What are you doing h....is everything okay?"

"Don't ask," Dai said miserably. "Any chance of spending the night here?"

"'Course, c'mon in." Maggie stood aside to let her in, and Dai hesitantly walked into the entranceway. The house seemed comfy and inviting...and yet, she was struck by how empty it seemed.

"Mom's still at work," Maggie explained. "Had to cram for a long-term project. C'mon, you can have the bed. I'll take the couch."

"Maggie...." Dai said, feeling self-conscious. "I...thanks for letting me do this. I mean, I know it's last minute and all, but....thanks for doing this."

"Eh, not a problemo, DaiBeta." Maggie grinned at the nickname she'd just invented. "What are buds for? You got pajamas?"

"Yep. Thanks, again."
- - - -
"So...shouldn't you at least tell your mom what you're doing?" Maggie said in a low voice. Around them, the gym echoed with whistles and basketballs thunking against the floor. "I mean, she must be worried to hec--"

"Nu-uh." Dai shook her head and stepped up to the free-throw line. "Dad would bully it out of her, then I'd be back home, and I'd REALLY be in for it. Thanks, but I'll take Door #3." She threw the basketball at the hoop, grimacing as it bounced crazily off of the rim and fell towards the two friends. Maggie caught it.

"But Darienne, that's not necessarily a bad thing," a classmate from the opposing team said. "He really does care for you--he probably just doesn't know the exact right way to show it...point on me." She snagged the ball from Maggie and landed a perfect hook shot in the basket.

"Score Blue Squad," the coach blared over his bullhorn. "Five to Six. Get your head in the game, Phillips! Doggson!"

"Yeah, right." Dai scoffed, trying without much sucess for a carefree tone. "If you knew him, you probably wouldn't--"

"Ya know what I think?" a boy piped up. "I think Dai should report him to the ASPCA. For emotional neglect."

"Dude, the ASPCA's supposed to prevent animal abuse, smart one," another kid called out. "Sheesh. Where were YOU when they were passing out the brains--"

"Oh, for Pete's sake! Will you people just freaking drop it, already?!" Dai angrily pitched the basketball at the backboard and whirled to face them. Normally she would've just weathered it all through, but she was starting to become oddly apprehensive... "This is my problem! Okay, so maybe I'm not dealing with it the best way possible, but that doesn't mean you all have to go--"

Pain suddenly exploded in her skull as the basketball ricocheted off the basket rim and slammed into her head. Dai immediately crumpled on the hardwood floor, gasping for breath.

"Omigod! Dai!"

"Is she okay??"

"She may have a concussion..."

"Sweet! Dude, you see any blood??"

"Ewww. You are seriously disturbed..."

"Dariene! How bad is it??" The coach's voice cut into her scrambled thoughts. "Scale of one to ten, how bad?"

"Uh.....what...?" Dai mumbled hazily. She was starting to feel spacey and lightheaded....

"Somebody take Phillips to the office," the coach instructed. "FAST."

"Me," Maggie immediately said.

"I'll go, too," a blond boy from Dai's class volunteered. Working together, the two friends looped Dai's arms over their shoulders and hobbled off to the office.

"Um...Dai? You're going to be okay, right?" Maggie asked, shakily trying for some faint humor. "You can't just go off to the hospital and leave me all alone..."

"...what...hero....can't see what...not strong enough..." Dai mumbled almost intelligibly. She felt almost as if she were floating through a green haze. Words were faintly floating to her...

Time has come...finally found our hero....

It is time for you to fulfill your role....

Save us...

Dai blacked out.

TBC......

-----
End of first chappie. What'd ya think? =3

 

[NinjaScyther4]

Sorry, i havent read it but please unless it has some specific reason DONT centre the writing, just have it left aligned. Thankyou

 

[Duckie]

Excellent chapter.
You're great with dialouge. You pulled character out of each person in your story, in an effective fashion.

Please continue.

And, refrain from centering.

 

[Obsidian Blade]

Lovin' it. ^^ As Duckie said, you convey character really well, even with the various classmates. I was a little sceptical about how open Dai seems about the whole situation with her father; it seems more like the sort of personal issue someone would keep to themselves. That said, the way she reacted to him shouting at her was realistic, although I'm not getting an especially strong impression of what he's been doing in the past that's built up such resent.

The only line I had any qualms with was this one

Pain suddenly knifed through her as the basketball ricocheted off the basket rim and slammed into her head.

Simply because I'm finding the imagery "knifed" puts into my head to clash with the fact that it's a basketball she's been hit with, not something narrow and sharp. I've been hit bloody hard by a ball in the head before and it felt almost like the section of my skull that had been hit had come loose and was swelling up, almost pulsing against the rest, and that's a far cry from a more stabbing pain, imo.

I actually have very little else to say, eheh. ^^; All seems good and sound, can't wait to read more. Good luck!
~Obsidian.

 

[Koridojo_Blaziken]

Everyone! ....thanks for the advice. Still working on the second chappie, should be able to post it in a couple days or so...>.>

Problemos--fixed.

 

[Koridojo_Blaziken]

*sing-song* Next chaaaapiiiee....0-o What??? I just have a lot of time on my paws, alrights?? ;p

- - - -

Chapter 1
Nothing but darkness all around...it was the kind of black you saw when you entered a dreamless sleep....

So how do I know I'm sleeping, if this isn't a dream? Dai vaguely wondered, not making much sense to even herself.

Her head was throbbing like crazy. She curled up tighter, trying to drift off so the pain would go away...

"Hey...are you okay?"

Someone's...talking to me, Dai thought. She could just barely feel someone gently shaking her shoulder....unfortunately, all it did was to help lull her further into unconsciousness. Everything was just so far away...

"WAKE UP, ALREADY!!" All patience had apparently left the speaker. A sharp pain suddenly shot up Dai's spine.

"YOWCH!" Dai bolted into a sitting position, suddenly wide-awake. "Son of a gu--who just?!"

"That was me."

Dai's vision came into focus, and she found herself face to face with...something. The animal she was facing appeared to be a fluffy, orange chick with forest green eyes, a small yellow beak, three yellow feathers on its head, and a pair of fuzzy, yellow wings that were ridiculously small and could never even hope to carry their bearer in flight.

What...the... ._.?

"So, you're finally up!" the bird said cheerfully, showing no evidence of having pecked Dai awake seconds earlier. "I was starting to think you were really konked out!" He fluffed his wings. "I'm Torchic. Nice t'meetcha!"

"...Torchic...okay. I'm Dai." Dai was obviously confused by now. What was really baffling was that the bird was speaking in chirps, but she could clearly interpret what he was saying.

Strangely enough, the thought was soon dropped.

Dai looked around--only now did she notice that she was in the middle of a forest meadow. Sunlight washed through the trees, and the ground was dotted by flowers and sparse tufts of grass. Somewhere off in the distance, a bird broke into song.

"...where am I?" she wondered, then learned that she'd spoken out loud.

"This is the moon," Torchic said with a perfectly straight face.

"You're kidding!" Dai blinked and looked more excitedly around her. She was even more psyched than should be considered normal. "I had no idea the moon was even hospitable! Huh...it looks an awful lot like Earth, though."

"...you do realize I was being sarcastic, right?" Torchic said dryly.

"...oh." Dai sheepishly realized she'd actually believed him for a moment. "Oops. Sorry."

"S'okay." Torchic shrugged. "My bad, really. I didn't realize that you were such a gullible Pokemon."

"A-HEY!! What do you mean, gullible?!" Dai blasted angrily. Then it occured to her. What Torchic had just said...something seemed off. "Wait. What's a...'Pokemon'? And I'm a human, by the way.

"What? A 'human'? No." Torchic blinked, obviously giving up all hope of understanding this babbling weirdo. "That's silly. Humans only exist in fairy tales. You're even weirder than I thought..."

"....." An uncomfortable silence hung in the air. Without a word, Dai got to her feet, wobbling slightly, and started walking away, looking miffed.

"Whoa, hey, wait!" Torchic said hastily. "What is it?! What'd I say??"

"Oh, I'll tell you what!" Dai angrily whirled to face him, still unsteady on her feet. "For the past few minutes, you've been nothing but cynical and--WARGH!" Without warning she pitched forward, doing a face plant in the dirt.

"GAH! Ow!"

"Gee, first day with your new feet?" Torchic chuckled, looking amused. "No, but seriously. You shouldn't have tried walking upright like that, being an Eevee and all. You were bound to trip sooner or later."

"oof-What are you talking about??" Dai asked, pushing herself back up. "I've been walking like that since..."

She suddenly yelped as she saw her hands.

Her hands! What had happened to them?! They...they'd been replaced by....PAWS!! Dai jumped up, vaguely aware that she was standing on all fours, and looked herself over. What the heck-?! Her skin was now coated with fine, brown fur! There was a thick cream colored mane of some sort around her neck! Oh, yeah--no missing the fluffy, tan-tipped TAIL behind her!!

"Wh..." Dai gave a panicky whimper and dashed over to a puddle lying at the edge of the clearing. Feeling lightheaded, she hesitantly peered at her reflection.

She froze, stunned speechless.

The smooth, cat-like face also froze, dark brown eyes widened to the size of...um...apples. Long, pointed ears lay flat against Dai's head in alarm.

"Wh...what is this??" Dai wailed. "What's happened to me?!"

"....um. Are you okay...?" Torchic asked, concerned, but at the same time looking as if he'd stumbled upon some alien dimension. "You're, uh....acting kind of....strange."

Dai's response was to pass out.
- - - - -
What...the hey was going on?? Torchic blinked, a large sweat drop sliding down the back of his head. Dai had just said she was a...human? What was that about? Maybe the Eevee had just eaten a few too many Gummis. That could explain her suddenly crashing....

Maybe Torchic was going crazy.

"There you are, dude!" The bushes rustled, and a light blue turtle about Torchic's size walked towards him. Standing on its hind feet, the Pokemon sported a brown shell with yellow on the front side and a white ridge between the two halves, a curled tail, and wide, cherry red eyes. "I've been looking for you for ages, bro!" he said. "What kept you?"

"I...it was this Eevee, Dai," Torchic explained. "She was passed out here. She kept saying something about being a human, then she freaked and passed out. Pretty weird..."

Squirtle curiously regarded the fainted feline. "Human, huh? Maybe she was delirious..."

“SAVE ME!!” A Butterfree zipped into the clearing, nearly missing Torchic by a foot.

“Whoa, hey!” Torchic said. “What’s wrong?”

“It-it’s horrible!” Butterfree's black and white wings flapped frantically, keeping her small purple body aloft. Her red, insectoid eyes flashed. The poor butterfly-like Pokemon was nearly in hysterics. “My Caterpie fell into a fissure! My poor baby!”

“What?!” Torchic and Squirtle exclaimed in perfect unison. Amazingly, this commotion did squat to revive Dai.

“A huge fissure opened up in the ground, and my Caterpie fell in!” Butterfree repeated frantically, as if they hadn’t heard her the first time. “He’s much too young to crawl out by himself! But when I tried to get my baby, a group of wild Pokemon suddenly attacked me! I could barely do anything!”

“Huh?! You were attacked?!” Torchic said, stunned. “By other Pokemon?? Why would they attack somebody??”

“I—they must be enraged by the natural disasters! That’s what I think…” Butterfree started to lose it, and flapped in disoriented circles, panicking. “Ooohhh…what am I to do?! I’m not strong enough to fend off those wild Pokemon, and…My poor baby! Oh, dear, oh, dear…”

“This sounds bad.” Squirtle turned to Torchic, speaking through Butterfree’s fretting.

“Ya think?” Torchic said dryly. “But we really should help.”

“Yep. Let’s get going, already! Hey, Dai! Wake up!"

All in all, it took twenty seconds of trying to wake up an unconscious Dai, until Squirtle finally sprayed a jet of water in her face. Then after a hasty explanation to Dai of what had happened, the three went off to look for the fissure.

TBC.....

 

[~*lopunny_diva*~]

Nice chappie. =) I like how you added a touch of humor and sarcasm to the thing. You did a great job emphasizing their personalities, especially Torchic. (examples: When Torchic Pecked Dai to wake her up, Butterfree's panicky motions, Dai's bewildrement at becoming an Eevee, ETC.) If you need help with grammatical stuff, just PM me. I'm not so great emotion-writing wise, but I'm good at the logical stuff.

If it helps, I can help spread the word about this fanfic. :club:




Be kind: Pet the bunny.;428;

 

[Koridojo_Blaziken]

I would appreciate that kindly. Thanks *pets the bunny * Cute little fellow....

 

[Koridojo_Blaziken]

O___O;;; Hello? Did this thread dieeee???.....where is everybody??......peoples......anyone?? o-o

*echoes*

Dang. >_<

 

[Smart Alex]

Niiice. You're really great at this.

Thread reviving post, courtesy of a cynical twerp eagerly waiting for the next update. lol

 

[~*lopunny_diva*~]

Thread reviver while waiting for the next chappie

 

[Koridojo_Blaziken]

Thanks, diva. I was sorta worried that this thread had died......

Glad to see it's still elicitin a few responses, though.

 

[Gardevoir Girl]

Aand I've read this thread, which means that I've now commented on everything you've posted so far. Although, not meaning to offend, but the way this is going seems just a little too much like the game. Next Dai will be having dreams involving a Gardevoir...

;282; : You have come here to fulfil a certain role...

Oh, shut it. I killed you, remember?

;282; : I have become an agent of spirits...

See what I mean? Anyhoo, Kori, I hope this doesn't turn into one of those typical fics written in an attempt to recreate the games. I've seen far too many good writers ruin their reputations by doing that. Then again, some people actually do it well... I hope you're one of those.

;282; : Au revoir...

 

[foxfyre]

I liked it but why would they want her with them to save the caterpie? Thamks for writing it!

 

[Gardevoir Girl]

Have you ever heard the saying 'Safety in numbers'? I mean, if Butterfree got mobbed when she tried to save Caterpie then obviously it would be best to go in with the biggest gang they could manage.

 

[Koridojo_Blaziken]

THIS FANFIC LIVES!! BWAHAHA!! *lightning crashes*

....I wanted to point out that I now have an official title for this fanfic: "Daybreak." So as soon as I can figure out how to change the thread title....yeah. And also , This fanfic will run sort of along the game storyline (answering Gardevoir's question), but there should also be a lot of new parts and originality added in between the game events. *TSSCHT* Over and out. *TSSCHT*
(Just to clear up personality confusion, those who know Dai from Dawn Guardians, this is when she was younger, so she's more...um...kid-ish. Actually, they're all pretty much like a bunch of hyperactive, two-month-old Zigzagoons sometimes. lol.)


Ch. 2
"HA!" Squirtle leapt off a fallen log, tackling Torchic. "Yee-hah, Torch! I gotcha!" he crowed giddily.

"Um. Yeah, great." Torchic shoved him away. "Now get offa me."

Squirtle shrugged. "Dude, you really need to lighten up. Take a chill pill." He pulled his neck into his shell and blew a stream of bubbles from his mouth.

"How does he DO that??" Dai cried. She'd been lagging along behind the two boys, but now that the sunlight glinting off the bubbles had caught her attention she bounded over and craned her head up for a better look. Even if it sounded crazy, she was getting used to the idea of being an Elfie. Or Eifie. Eevee. Whatever it was. But she still didn't get how Poche...Pokemon could spit out actual, real life water!!

"Easy. 'Cause I'm a Water type," Squirtle said, as if it was perfectly obvious. Then as an afterthought, he added, "Duh."

"Uhh...." Types? Dai wondered. "Iya...think you lost me."

"Geez, did you just forget everything?" Torchic said, exasperated.

"Well, excuse me." Dai's ears pinned back against her head. "I haven't exactly been here very long."

Torchic rolled his eyes. "Suuure. If you're not a Pokemon, then I'm secretly undercover for Team A.C.T."

"And I'm king of the ocean," Squirtle offered, following his friend's lead.

"You guys are so not funny!" Dai protested, lashing her tail.

"Hey, we're just messin' with ya," Squirtle laughed apologetically, holding up his hands to calm her down. He explained as they walked. "Pokemon have certain, um, adaptations specific to their species. Pokemon with similiar abilities and adaptations are classified into Types, like Flying or Psychic or Rock. Water types, such as me--" Squirtle pointed at himself. "--are designed to live in water. Fire types like Torchic have fire sacs that help them breathe fire."

"Could I breath fire??" Dai asked hopefully. Maybe being a Pokemon wasn't so bad after all if it meant she could have some special power.

"Nope," Torchic said flatly. "You're just a Normal-type. Nothing special."

.....Dai decided not to make a big deal out of the remark, and instead scampered off ahead. She couldn't figure out why, but ever since waking up her mentality had felt...different. There was a constant, unexplainable urge to rush off and poke at anything weird or shiny, and she also had some oddly feline impulses, such as an urge to fall asleep whenever she passed under a patch of sun. Plus, she also felt more carefree and childish.

How weird.

The tall grass suddenly rustled in Dai's peripheral vision, and she whipped around to lock her gaze onto that spot. Curiosity piqued, and she dropped flat on her stomach and crawled stealthily towards it. She pushed her head through the grass and blinked at what she saw.

The caterpillar stared back at her. It was colored a rosy red, with a white underside and two yellow spikes at the rear of its short, thick body. The caterpillar arched its back, bringing the spikes up and towards Dai.

"Dai! Back off!" Torchic shouted in alarm. He'd seen the worm and was running up to them. "That's a Wurmple!"

"So?" Dai asked. "It's just a bug, right?" She raised a forepaw to dab inquisitively at the caterpillar.

Squirt!

Dai yelped and shot backwards, swiping at the silky glop covering her face. The Wurmple turned and quickly disappeared into the woods, crawling strangely fast for a caterpillar.

"Are you okay?" Torchic asked, finally catching up to her. "I told you to leave it alone."

"Yeah...I know now, thanks," Dai mumbled, and swept the last of the silk to the ground.

"Hey, speaking of bugs," Squirtle suddenly piped up, "weren't we supposed to be looking for that Caterpie kid?"

"What? Oh, crap!" Torchic groaned. "I totally spaced! You guys distracted me! Okay, so what did that Butterfree say?" he demanded as he started running. "He fell into some sort of ditch or something, right?"

"I think so," Dai agreed. "I also think she said something else, but I can't remember..."

Behind them, Squirtle suddenly shouted. "Whoa!"

Dai turned. "Squirtle?"

No response. He wasn't anywhere in sight.

"Hey! Squirtle!" Torchic called. "Where are you, you big doof--"

Dai had started wandering aimlessly sideways. One of her paws suddenly fell into empty space, and momentum began to carry her forward. "WAH! Help!"

"Dai!" Torchic leapt forward and clamped his beak onto her mane. For a bit it seemed that gravity would drag them both over, and then they fell back onto safe, solid ground.

"Th-thanks..." Dai gasped out, her head spinning. That had just been too close.

"Yeah...don't mention it..." Torchic wheezed. "You're kinda heavy..."

"HEY!!"

"I'm fine, thanks," a voice floated up to them. "Just a couple bruises. Chipped shell, maybe, but I'll live."

Dai and Torchic jumped to their feet and peered into the gap Dai had nearly fallen into. The ravine was about 10 feet down, dotted with boulders and scraggly bushes. A brown shell lay on the floor of the ditch--as they watched, Squirtle popped his head out of the front opening.

"'Sup?," he greeted cheerfully.

Torchic sighed, though he relaxed visibly. "Squirtle you big idiot. Why didn't you watch where you were going?"

"Oi, Fuzz, even the best trip once in a while." Squirtle stood and waved up at them. "C'mon down."

"How...do we do that?" Dai asked nervously. The chasm seemed to yawn before her, and she backed up a bit, feeling dizzy.

"You probably can't see it all that well from up there. There's a ledge to your left--no, sorry, I was thinking my left. It's your right. It's over behind that sapling there." Squirtle turned and ambled off down the length of the ravine, leading Torchic and Dai to a small slope in the wall.

Torchic doubtfully eyed the slope. "It's small."

"Yeah, but it's low enough to climb down," Squirtle reminded him. "You gotta love that."

Torchic rolled his eyes again. "C'mon," he said impatiently to Dai and started down, half-skidding on the loose gravel and loam.

Dai hesitated, then slowly made her way after him. After three steps a big chunk of earth suddenly dislodged underneath her paw, and she stumbled madly before regaining her balance, then stood panting for a few seconds.

"Dai!" Torchic had already reached the bottom. "C'mon! You coming or what?!"

"Gimme some time," Dai muttered. She opened her eyes and looked down at the end of the slope. Why was she being such a wimp all of a sudden?! She'd always been afraid of heights...sort of...but this..... No! I can't back out now! she thought frantically, remembering the two Pokemon nearby. The last thing I need is to pass off as a wimp in front of people I just met!! Just DO IT!!

Before she could change her mind, Dai coiled her muscles and leapt down the remaining length of the ledge, landing and skidding heavily the last few feet. She lay winded for a second, then jumped back to her feet. "I'm okay," she said hastily, wanting to avoid discussing her problem with heights. "Let's go."

Torchic walked down to where the ravine ended. A large crack had been cut into the dirt wall, narrow and ominously dark. Dai swore she could actually hear an eerie wind blowing inside.

"Think he could be in here?" Torchic asked, obliviously to Dai's nervousness.

"Uh, hello?" Dai quickly put in. "That can't be it. Caterpie fell into a fissure. So why don't we just--"

"This IS kind of a fissure," Torchic interupted. "I bet if we follow that--" he pointed to the crack. "--chances are, we'll find Caterpie."

"Roger that, cap'n!" Squirtle shouted, grinning. "Last one in's a rotten Exegcute!" With this he marched cheerfully off into the crack, followed by Torchic.

Dai gulped. The situations she got herself into. Quashing any fear, she skittered off after them, not wanting to be left alone in a strange place.
-----
"Oi. For a secret tunnel in the woods, you'd think whoever's in charge of randomly splitting fissures could afford to put some lighting in," Squirtle whispered.

"Don't remind me." Torchic clenched his jaw. Out of the three, he'd been first to trip in the pitch blackness of the tunnel. From what Dai could guess, however, the tunnel was fairly small, the walls and ceiling supported by tree roots protruding through the ground. She was probably having the best luck navigating the dark maze, mostly due to her enhanced hearing and reflexes. Squirtle and Torchic, on the other hand, were being forced to just rely on luck to avoid bumping into one another. Dai kept constantly slowing down, waiting for them to catch up before continuing on.

A faint noise whispered past her ear. She continued on, ignoring it until it started to become louder. Then she became unnerved. It sounded like...crying.

"Y...you guys hear that?" she asked, unsettled. She stopped, listening hard until the sobbing noises came again.

Torchic also stopped, tilting his head. He'd heard it too. "Yeah...it kinda sounds like...a kid?" he suggested. "They definitely don't sound too cheerful."

"I'm going in." Before getting a response from her two companions, Dai dashed off down the tunnel, intent on reaching the person in need of help.

When she finally broke into a large, worn chamber, she suddenly realized she was in deep trouble.

TBC.....

-----
(Sorry that it's kinda sucky...I kinda wanted to take a moment to emphasize their personalities. ^_^U )

 

[Gardevoir Girl]

This isn't dead! Hooray!

I think you can change the title by clicking on edit on the first post, and where there's a space for the title, just backspace and type in the new one. But I'm not sure; I've never changed a title before.

Anyway... I sort of forgot what this was about, but it didn't take me long to get back into it. Your writing skills have improved dramatically. It's always good, aspecially after a long break, to use part of the chapter to show the character's personalities so people can remember things they might have forgotten. (Although when I clicked on this, the first image in my head was someone getting walloped with a basketball.)

Well, good chapter, anyway. I hope you don't give up on this like I thought you did. Although it must be hard to write two parts of a trilogy at once, especially when the second part has been going for longer.

~GG~

 

[Glitch]

Heh, I thought you left this one to rot. Glad to see you're back into it.
(I'd tell you how...but I don't know either. Maybe you could ask around the help forum?)

Anyway, as stated before, the writing has greatly improved from the last chapter of this, so that's good.

I'm afraid I don't have much to say...again. It seems I've become rather busy again in the last few days. Good chapter, though, and good luck with keeping up with two sagas.

 

[bluedolphin359]

I didn't use to like them that much, but I am growing to like Eevees more and more now. Nice chapter!

 

[Yami Ryu]

>.> Eevee ... meh it's one of the PMD chances, but still feels like you could have used one of the others. Eevee isn't special.

Skitty is :<

Getting back onto the point; you made your character realistic, but realistically well, bratty, and if she shirks her responcibilities given to her by her parents, what is she gonna do in the PMD verse? So I have a hard time believing she's going to be an insta hero.

Note don't use emoticon faces in a fic- anyways outside that can't say Chapter One was that special, a bit more of an expansion of the intro of PMD, but nothing outside of that.

I think you mis-posted. There is no chapter two, unless you typo'd it as chapter three. And at anyrate I have a hard time following your character as one moment she seems to want to be carefree with no responcibilities, yet the second she's an eevee all for going into possible danger, to save someone. [unless it's because of that oh I can't come off as a wimp factor- but it's not going to be as strong for later harrowing deeds and such]

I think you need to work on and set in stone personalities/characterizations for future chapters- it'll make your characters seem more realistic and plausable.