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A Tale of a Pokemon Coordinator

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bobert12345

Rainbow Trainer
A coordinator’s ambition
Episode 1
The broken family

Only one being stood out in the cold stormy night. You could not make out the whole entity but you could tell it was huge. The massive being was stomping through the snow batting the big snowflakes out of its way. Each step it took a tiny earthquake occurred, getting louder and louder.

Giant arboks and huge sevipers began to form, each inching closer. Soon an army of poisonous snake pokemon was gathered around the humongous monster and moving along with it.

The beast was finally in the visual range to see. Its face was of the devil itself. It had distinct holes throughout its body in which snake-pokemon were slithering in and out. The gigantic mouth of the beast began to open. Soon with an eerie tone it shouted, “Lynette wake up!”

With a jump, a beautiful girl flung up from underneath the light blue comforter on her bed. Her untamed blonde hair flung over her flawless tanned face. The girl’s electric blue eyes began to examine their surroundings. She saw her poke dolls lined neatly up on her white and pink dresser. She looked over to her open closet, in which she saw a small table that had a freshly cleaned pokeball on top of it. Soon she finally looked up to see a tall woman standing in the amazingly clean room.

The tall woman stood next to the bed, arms folded and stared at the beauty who was now sitting up. Velvet purple slippers covered her feet and a matching robe was covering her pale body. The woman’s face was defined by small wrinkles. Her sandy blonde hair was twisted into a bun, which sat atop her round head. “Don’t you have something to do?” The pale lady asked in a harsh voice.

“Mom,” The beauty whined.

“Lynette, I don’t want to hear it. You told your father that you’d at least try pokemon battling,” Mom said, now giving a cold-hearted stare.

“I don’t like battling,” Lynnette replied in a more serious tone.

“That’s what pokemon are made for!” A man’s voice boomed as a figure appeared in the room. His head had no hair but in its place, a shiny wax job. This helped in showing that the man was middle aged. Wrinkles were beginning to show on his forehead. The bushiness of his eyebrows gave shelter to cold, almost dead, grey eyes, which were starring blankly forward at Lynette. His body was large and muscular but he fell short compared to the pale lady beside him. “Lynette, trust me you’ll like battling.”

“Dad, trust me I won’t.” Lynette uttered just loud enough for her father to hear.

“Whatever, you said the same thing about spinach,” Lynette’s father shouted, loud enough for the neighbors to hear.

“Hunny, she doesn’t like spinach.” The mother whispered into her spouse’s ear.

“I don’t care!” He shouted, now angrier. “I had Bobby outside waiting for you to battle him, but now, I’m battling you!”

“NO!” Lynette and her mother both shouted at once.

“I didn’t get you that pokemon to have it sit there in its pokeball.”

“Fine I’ll battle Bobby,” Lynette said, making sure it was clear she wasn’t going to battle her father.
*​
A fully dressed Lynette, now wearing a tight blue skirt and even tighter white tank top emerged into the backyard. She now had straight hair and make-up on. With her pokeball clutched in one of her hands, she walked into a bright sunny day. The sun gleamed in her eyes for a moment, temporarily blinding her, but she eventually could see her worst nightmare, a pokemon battlefield. She did not know what had compelled her father to do it but he made a battlefield in their backyard. Yes, they had a lot of space for it but he knew she didn’t like battling.

The freshly mowed grass was companied by white lines going straight down it, forming the design of a battlefield. Across the field from Lynette, stood big blue bleachers that had most of her friends and neighbors sitting on them. In the middle of the field where the paint formed a giant pokeball, stood her mom, dad, and friend Bobby.

Lynette walked out to them enabling her to see her friend more closely. He was roughly the same height as her but had contrasting structure. While Lynette was skinny, he was ripped. He had caramel skin and a handsome face. His face was complemented by his brown eyes and spiked hair that made him all the more irresistible to Lynette. He was wearing a tight white tank top that enabled Lynette to see his six-pack. He also wore baggy jean-shorts and brand new white sneakers. He looked over at Lynette and gave her a wink almost making her faint. “So, I hear you want to battle me,” He said in a lustful voice.

Lynette was lost for words as she gazed up at her opponent. She babbled incoherently until words finally formed, “I guess,” she said in a squeaky voice.
“Let’s start this battle!” Lynette’s father shouted loud enough for the cheering crowed to hear. The loud man and his wife, still dressed in her robe and slippers, walked over to an area designated just for judges on the side of the field next to the spectators. He pointed to where both trainers had to go, which was a painted white box at both ends of the field. He smiled at his daughter, took out two flags, waved them down swiftly and aggressive and signaled the match to begin.

Bobby’s face turned from handsome to serious in a matter of seconds. He took out a pokeball from his pocket and threw it onto the field. “Go dragonite!” he called out as the pokeball clicked. A red flash gave birth to a giant mostly beige pokemon. Although it had a white stomach and bottom of its gigantic tail, Lynette was somehow distracted by the blue-green color that took place on the underside of its small thin wings. It stood on two chubby beige legs and its arms swayed fiercely up and down making use of its claws at the end of its hands. Lynette had seen pictures of dragonites before but this one was somehow different. The ones she saw in photos were cute and huggable, this one looked angry, even the two swaying, tiny, antennas brought chills to Lynette’s skinny body. It roared loudly and angrily making the spectators and even Lynette’s father jump.

When Lynette could feel heart beginning to beat again she slowly and gently threw her now sweat filled pokeball onto the field. Another much smaller red flash took place, this time a tiny almost toddler shaped pokemon materialized. Its face and bottom half of its body were a dark shade of pink, while its upper body, hands and feet were off-white. It had bright blonde hair that puffed up at the top and puckered pink lips blowing kisses to its fans. The small pokemon laid eyes on its giant opponent and immediately froze, beginning to sweat. It waddled quickly back to Lynette and jumped into its trainer’s arms, now beginning to cry.

“Smoochum, don’t cry,” Lynette said now forming tears in her own blue eyes. “I promise you that I’ll let you eat all the ice cream you want if you just try this out.” The tears in the pokemon’s eyes began to dry up; making sure its trainer was not lying. Lynette nodded her head and smoochum hopped out of her arms and onto the battlefield again. “I know what to do,” Lynette said excitedly. “Remember that time you squished that piece of clay? What was that called…? Oh ya! Use pound attack!”

The cute blonde haired pokemon slowly waddled over to its large adversary and slapped the highest point it could reach, which was the dragonite’s knee. The pound felt more like a tap to the giant beast. It looked over at its bored trainer and awaited his command.

“Use hyper beam,” Bobby yawned. Dragonite turned quickly around now facing the little smoochum. A yellow ball of energy began to form in its now open mouth. Smoochum looked over at its frightened trainer and began to run towards her. Nevertheless, the energy ball quickly turned into an energy beam and blasted the tiny pokemon right into Lynette.

Lynette scooped up her swirly-eyed pokemon and began to cry. She sadly took out her pokeball and pressed a button, which formed a bright red beam returning the pokemon to its ball. “I’m sorry,” Lynette whispered into the ball.
“I never knew the daughter of such a great battler could be so weak,” Lynette heard spectators say. She looked over at her father who was beat red with fists clenched tightly by his side. Lynette’s mother was standing beside him patting him on the shoulder gently, attempting to comfort the angry man. Laughter began to fill the crowed as they watched Bobby reenacting the battle with him as dragonite and a piece of grass as smoochum.

This turned Lynette from sad to angry. She regained her poise and shouted, “I only lost because I’m a coordinator!” The inner jaw of Lynette’s father dropped. His face turned from red to ghost white as he fainted into his wife’s arms. “I feel sorry for all you people who laughed at me today because you’ll soon be seeing me in magazines and on talk shows,” Lynette said angrily with a snide look upon her face.

The crowed laughed even louder this time. “You need to know how to battle to compete in contests,” One of the spectators shouted. “What are you gonna do? Be the master of the appeal round?” The crowed filled with hysterical laughter as Lynette filled up with embarrassment. She had remembered watching contests on TV and there was a battling round. She ran inside out of embarrassment and upstairs to her room.
*​
“I can’t believe her!” Lynette’s father shouted standing by a large California king size bed in which his wife was sitting on. “Dragonite is weak against ice and what did she use? Pound! What a stupid move! Then, after she loses the battle horribly, she announces to the whole neighborhood that she’s going to be a frootytooty coordinator!”

“Hunny,” Lynette’s mother said in a soothing voice, “Calm down. Some people just aren’t cut out for battling and unfortunately our daughter is one of them.”

“I know, I know,” He said in a now calm voice. “It’s just that I was doing her a favor by getting her battling experience, so she could actually become a coordinator.”

“Don’t lie, you were doing that completely unintentionally,” Lynette’s mother said giving her signature glare. “You want her to become a famous battler, but it’s not going to happen, understand?”

Lynette’s father began to turn red again, his stubbornness now causing his head to throb. He glowered at his wife very harshly. He then stomped his foot on the shag carpet, “She is my daughter and she’ll do whatever I want her to do!” He shouted loudly.

Lynette’s parents were letting their ignorance get the best of them, as Lynette’s room was right across the hall. She sat on her bed hugging her now healed smoochum tightly. Both her and her pokemon had tears streaming down their faces. Although smoochum did not know what Lynette was crying about, it cried anyway.

Lynette had a couple more sniffles and then a draft of night wind blew in her open window. In with the wind came a round, dark magenta pokemon with two bright green, jagged leafs on top of it. Beside each leaf was a pointy ear. On the bottom of the round pokemon were four stubby little legs that dangled helplessly in the air, as the wind was knocking it all around. Its glowing yellow eyes saw a shocked Lynette, it tried to moved towards her but the wind was too strong and pushed the pink pokemon into the wall. “Hoppip,” It squeaked as it fell slowly to the floor.

Lynette and smoochum both jumped up quickly to the aid of the new pokemon. “Smoochum, quick, close the window.” Lynette said frantically. Smoochum’s eyes turned an eerie green as it looked over at the window. As its newly green eyes widened the window slammed shut. Lynette gave an inquisitive look to her pokemon and asked, “What was that?” However, it was no use, the eyes of the kissing pokemon were back to normal, and it couldn’t even talk.

“Hoppip,” The pokemon squeaked again. Lynette’s attention shifted back to the new pokemon. The pokemon looked a little bit unhealthy but before Lynette could get up to do anything, a green bubble formed on its head and Lynette began to feel weaker and weaker. When it was finally done it danced around happily, fully revitalized.

The now weakened Lynette looked down at the pokemon. “That was an absorb attack, you are a smart one,” She said feeling a little bit weak. “I know how I’ll show my father up, I’ll catch you! But where are the pokeballs?”
Lynette ran out the room and down the bright white hallway. She stopped at the end where there was a bathroom. She quickly ran in and opened the mahogany cupboards that rested underneath the sink. It was there that she found at least one hundred pokeballs all piled on top of each other. She grabbed as much as she could carry and ran back to her room.

In her room smoochum and the hoppip sat together on the floor in conversation of which Lynette could not understand. The new pokemon seemed friendly enough to Lynette and smart too. So Lynnette simply asked if it would allow her to catch it. “Will you?” She asked, kneeling down next to the pink pokemon. The hoppip sat still for a moment calculating thoughts inside of its puny head. Minutes later an eager Lynette got her wish, the hoppip jumped up and right into the held pokeball. Seconds went by and Lynette heard a ding sound that signified that she had caught the hoppip. “Yes!” Lynette shouted happily.

“What’s going on in here?” Lynette’s father asked, barging into the room. “Why are there pokeballs on the floor?”

Lynette sat on the floor in fear of her already angry father. Soon she realized that what she was doing was okay, so she stood up and waved the pokeball in her father’s face. “I caught a pokemon,” Lynette said snottily.

“You did what?” The father asked clenching his heart in surprise.

Lynette cleared her throat and said slowly, “I… caught… a… pokemon.” She swallowed a hard gulp and clearly announced, “Whether you like it or not I’m going to become a coordinator!”

The already surprised father grew even more surprised at the guts that Lynette was showing. “This is my house and my rules and you will do no such thing!” He barked angrily.

“Well I don’t care if it’s your house or not because I am leaving!” Lynette shouted even louder then her father.

“If you can get passed me,” The father growled in a low voice.

“Smoochum, please move my dad,” Lynette said looking over at her pokemon who was now standing.

As the father began to chuckle smoochum’s eyes turned the eerie green color they had before. Her eyes widened and Lynette’s father was lifted off the ground. Smoochum then jerked its head to the left and flung the big man into the bathroom.

Lynette picked up smoochum and marched downstairs. She said, “Goodbye,” in a rude voice and then left the house into the night.
 

DeoxysTrainer

Veteran Trainer
........cool
 

Yami Ryu

Well-Known Member
Okay, not only are your characters bland, bordering on two dimensional, if not already there, not only is the plot depth as non existent as any character depth, not only is your main character a Mary Sue, but you have a Smoochum get hit by a Hyper Beam, and survive.

The **** do you smoke? A Hyper Beam would have Killed a pokemon that small. It's a beam of energy. It's like a laser. It would destroy anything in it's path.

You then have it sent flying into the trainer. If something that survived a blast of such power, was sent flying, and hit your main character, she would have also been sent flying. You make Einstien CRY when you ignore reality.

Even though someone once said you could pwn a dragon type with a freezer left open, this scentece;
“Dragonite is weak against ice and what did she use? Pound! What a stupid move! Then, after she loses the battle horribly,
makes me wtf.

Dragonite, is an EVOLVED pokemon.

Smoochum is a BABY pokemon. Smoochum, to my knowledge, atm, comes with the move Powder Snow, for ice type attack. And I'm betting in normal weather, wouldn't pull off such a move.

Meaning not only would Smoochum be useless in battle. Smoochum would be dead before it could even say it's name. Because the Dragonite would pwn it in 3 seconds. Type advantage to the baby or not.

The new pokemon seemed friendly enough to Lynette and smart too.

I think a Magikarp, would be smarter than Lynette. Hell, a rock would be smarter than her. So she's going to capture a pokemon that basically SUCKED HER LIFE FORCE FROM HER? And then she goes from being in a weakened state to strong enough to run around and grab a pokemon to catch a hoppip that is smarter than her?

How nice.

And then the Smoochum, unable to fight a Dragonite, is now able to beat her father up with psychic powers. T_T yes that is a lovely way to end a chapter.

And the moral of this? You really need to learn how to make original works, and not something that's as bland as a stale piece of bread. Meaning, GO AND READ THE ADVICE FOR ASPIRING AUTHOR STICKY. Like I told you BEFORE.
 
F

Flames Galore

Guest
This is a good start so far. Just remember a few things. One, if Lynette didn't know about Smoochum's psychic abilities (as you make it sound), then it would probably be her first time using them. This being the case, I would think Smoochum would not use it perfectly, and Lynette might be more surprised. Also, I am kind of tired of the whole "pokemon choosing to go into the pokeball" thing, as it gets cheap. Maybe she just keeps throing pokeballs at it until it is caught, and her father is extra mad because she wasted a bunch of pokeballs on one of the weaakest pokemon in existence. Also, don't let her win right away, as it isn't natural, and isn't how life works. Finally, please make sure to keep the pokemon selection irregular, as I think it can definately add to this story. Basically, no Beautifly, Torchic, Plusle/Minun, Skitty, or other typical coordinater pokemon. Remember, this is a great start and I think this story has a lot of potential.
 

DeoxysTrainer

Veteran Trainer
Renegade said:
Okay, not only are your characters bland, bordering on two dimensional, if not already there, not only is the plot depth as non existent as any character depth, not only is your main character a Mary Sue, but you have a Smoochum get hit by a Hyper Beam, and survive.

The **** do you smoke? A Hyper Beam would have Killed a pokemon that small. It's a beam of energy. It's like a laser. It would destroy anything in it's path.

You then have it sent flying into the trainer. If something that survived a blast of such power, was sent flying, and hit your main character, she would have also been sent flying. You make Einstien CRY when you ignore reality.

Even though someone once said you could pwn a dragon type with a freezer left open, this scentece; makes me wtf.

Dragonite, is an EVOLVED pokemon.

Smoochum is a BABY pokemon. Smoochum, to my knowledge, atm, comes with the move Powder Snow, for ice type attack. And I'm betting in normal weather, wouldn't pull off such a move.

Meaning not only would Smoochum be useless in battle. Smoochum would be dead before it could even say it's name. Because the Dragonite would pwn it in 3 seconds. Type advantage to the baby or not.



I think a Magikarp, would be smarter than Lynette. Hell, a rock would be smarter than her. So she's going to capture a pokemon that basically SUCKED HER LIFE FORCE FROM HER? And then she goes from being in a weakened state to strong enough to run around and grab a pokemon to catch a hoppip that is smarter than her?

How nice.

And then the Smoochum, unable to fight a Dragonite, is now able to beat her father up with psychic powers. T_T yes that is a lovely way to end a chapter.

And the moral of this? You really need to learn how to make original works, and not something that's as bland as a stale piece of bread. Meaning, GO AND READ THE ADVICE FOR ASPIRING AUTHOR STICKY. Like I told you BEFORE.
Wats wrong with u,its made up,it dosent need to make sense,Have u heard of I-M-A-G-I-N-A-T-I-O-N
 
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