A Trainer's Best Friend

[Rufinito18]

A Trainer’s Best Friend.



This is my first fan-fic, I hope it's ok. Please tell me what to improve on the next chapters

Prologue.

Loneliness, everybody has felt lonely once in their life. Probably even hundreds or thousands of times. Loneliness can be cured by only one thing: friendship. No parents, can you imagine living with no parents? Being rejected, having nothing, and to anyone’s eyes, being worth nothing? Our story begins in an orphanage, yes, an orphanage. Harold had lost his parents when he was five, they had died in a Tauros rampage that destroyed their ranch. Now 9 year old Harold is all alone, so lonely, with no friends. He’s the kind of kid who, well, doesn’t socialize at all. He spends his day at the orphanage watching wild Oddish sleep, feeding the Magikarp or watching Pidgeys and Taillows fly in the sky. He loved, as you can guess, pokemon with all his heart, but he was an orphan, and he wasn’t allowed to own a pokemon, the orphanage had a strict rule about owning a pokemon. So poor little Harold dreamed day and night of running off into the horizon and becoming, not a pokemon master, but a pokemon coordinator, imagining him into the stage, making incredible appeals and . But his life would never be like that…or so he thought. On a dark and rainy night, he wasn’t able to fall asleep. As he did each time he couldn’t rest, he opened his room’s window and watched the stars, connecting them to form pokemon. When a faint sound came to his ears, a very faint whining, an exhausted cry. Harold, not knowing what compelled him, sneaked through the orphanage and followed his ears. Running in to cold rain, his shoes full of mud, he found the hurt thing, it was red…and black, Cuddled into a ball, he had found an injured Growlithe. He took the Growlithe and ran back to the orphanage…no...he couldn’t go back to it, they would dump the poor puppy back into the rain. He had to get the dog to a pokemon center! Running in the darkness, he fulfilled his deepest dreams, running away from the orphanage, they would think he was dead, but now he had a mission, saving his newfound friend. Unconscious, the Growlithe was shaking and coughing, whining and whelping. Hearing this gave courage to Harold. He fell many times, his face was muddy and you couldn’t recognize the orphanage clothes under the dirt. Finally arriving to the pokemon center, in a gruesome condition, he pleaded Nurse Joy to take the puppy. Growlithe was taken into intensive care. It had a severe pneumonia and its interior flames were about to be extinguished. Harold crashed into the sofa and fell into a deep slumber, wishing that everything would be alright…

The next morning, Nurse Joy came out of the room, to tell him….the bad news. ( TO BE CONTINUED)​

 

[Literate]

Well, first, you're doing what I love to do. That writers shouldn't really do. Speaking to the reader. I think that's called a persuasive writing. (Excuse the bad spelling.)

Next, you need paragraphs. What amazes me is that I can read the story.

Third, too much backstory. You can always let it in later. It makes it too rushed.

Fourth, description. Describe. But I don't think you need to describe in the prologue. But do it anyway.

Fifth, the prologue is seperate from the actual story. Unless you're trying to convoy a different message to it.

Sixth, grammer. Grammer's okay, but in one place where you capitalized the 'cuddled'. And there *are* run-ons.

Lastly, is that the numbers (6) had to be spelt (six), okay?

Well, little mistakes. Not too much so you don't need to worry. And the cliffhanger isn't much to uh, keep readers. So well, this is just a bit of advice.

I'll keep an eye out for this.

~PEACE~

 

[*~Puru-Ryuu~*]

Awesome Beggining! I like the Part about Harold Running away to fufill his dream

 

[Mangekyo Sharingan]

^ i agree on everything they said! you should save some of harold's history for later for like an actiom scene or flashback or something like that so people can keep reading and i have the same problem with the paragraph thing you nedd to seperate it into paragraphs ...but i feel compeled to read more

 

[Rufinito18]

Well, first, you're doing what I love to do. That writers shouldn't really do. Speaking to the reader. I think that's called a persuasive writing. (Excuse the bad spelling.)

Next, you need paragraphs. What amazes me is that I can read the story.

Third, too much backstory. You can always let it in later. It makes it too rushed.

Fourth, description. Describe. But I don't think you need to describe in the prologue. But do it anyway.

Fifth, the prologue is seperate from the actual story. Unless you're trying to convoy a different message to it.

Sixth, grammer. Grammer's okay, but in one place where you capitalized the 'cuddled'. And there *are* run-ons.

Lastly, is that the numbers (6) had to be spelt (six), okay?

Well, little mistakes. Not too much so you don't need to worry. And the cliffhanger isn't much to uh, keep readers. So well, this is just a bit of advice.

I'll keep an eye out for this.

~PEACE~

thanx for your comments. I did it on purpose to explain his background, because I simply don't like the fics that start with direct dialogue. I'l blend his personality more into the following chapters, your right about that ^^

. I'l let the prologue rest abit...I might do the first chapter tonight or tomorrow.

Edit: I finnaly did it!

Chapter 1 – Learning the truth.

Nurse Joy appeared, coming out from the intensive care unit center. Hope shone from Harold’s eyes, his face lit up like a thousand stars as he threw himself at the Nurse Joy demanding on the growlithe’s health. Nurse Joy looked grim.
With a gloomy face, she whispered: “ Your pokemon will be alright…”
Harold jumped with glee, he had saved him, he finally saved something, he was about to cry of happiness when he heard the Nurse Joy Say: “ But…there is a problem…”
At that instant, Harold’s world crashed, he could see his past replaying in front of him: His parents in the hospital, almost saved, but no, they died, they both died, because of him, because that day he decided to play with the Tauros, it was all his fault, his fault!
At that moment, Harold fainted onto the floor with a loud “crash”.

Opening his eyes, Harold found himself to be in the intensive care unit room. Closing his eyes to try to suppress his guilt of not being able to save the Growlithe, he felt a wet thing on his face. Opening his eyes he saw him, and he exploded with joy. Exactly at the same time, Nurse Joy came into the room and said:

“ Hello, I see you’ve seen you little friend, she’s doing great, what I wanted to tell you a while ago is that, because of serious pulmonary trauma, she will have difficulty using any fire attacks, if she can even still use them. You saved her, ten minutes more in the rain, and she would have died from pneumonia, and water could have gotten into her lungs. You can now recall her into her pokeball…you should take care of her better next time.”

“She? A she? Wow…she’s saved! - Tears swelled up into his eyes- But…Nurse Joy, I don’t have a pokeball, she’s not even my pokemon…”

“ She’s not yours, wait, you remind me of someone! Yes! You’re the kid that escaped from the orphanage, they’ve been looking for you all day!”

Nurse Joy runs to the phone, and then suddenly the Growlithe blocks her way, growling. Harold, running after her, pleads her not to call the orphanage, he wants to fulfill his dream, he cannot go back to that prison! He was so miserable in there, he was not made to live indoors, he wanted to live truly. The Growlithe was now beside Harold, seated beside his feet. Seeing this, Nurse Joy’s felt a great deal of compassion and handed to the boy a pokeball. Then suddenly, the Growlithe leaped out of nowhere and entered the pokeball.. Harold, thanking Nurse Joy, ran off into the wilderness, searching for new adventures, he told himself, but what he wanted truly, is to be the farthest away from the place he had ran away from.

Sitting beside a tree, Harold held his pokeball close to his heart. His first true friend, she had stood up for him, and that is the best thing anybody had done for him. Letting her out, he decided to name her Wendy. Wendy the growlithe, that sounded very good to Harold’s ears.

And then Harold realized: He didn’t know where to go next.​

 

[*~Puru-Ryuu~*]

Awesome The Growlithe is Harold's Cool Chapter

 

[The Great Butler]

Just tighten up your spelling and grammar a little and you'll be just fine. Also, do watch your tenses, you bounce a bit between past and present.

Other than that, it's a good beginning. I like Growlithe so its inclusion is a big plus in my book.

Good luck!

 

[CHeSHiRe-CaT]

Interesting... Sometimes the orphaning factor in a fic is cliché, but if you can pull it off with flying colors, it can be very successful. You've given us some nice background information on Harold, who is probably our main character. You're a bit lacking in some places, like transitioning from one thing to another, but this is only judging the prologue. I think I could give you a better review/evaluation for Chapter 1.

Le bad news? I'll have to hang around this fic to see what Nurse Joy has in store for poor Harold @w@

 

[Bluestar Jet]

So far, this fic is pretty good. You are doing good with your story ideas.

Harold jumped with glee, he had saved him, he finally saved something, and he was about to cry of happiness...

He was so miserable in there, and he was not made to live indoors, he wanted to live truly

Then suddenly, the Growlithe leaped out of nowhere and entered the pokeball..

Extra period.

Wendy the growlithe, that sounded very good to Harold’s ears.

That sentence just dosen't sound right. Also it's a fragment.

When will the next chapter be up?