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Adventure thru Pandora

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Swampurtz

God of Destruction
Adventure of pandora is my fan fic about a trainer named Nate (me) with his freinds and his partner mudkip

I release chapters on a weekly basis

Charecters released so far:
Nate: Main Charecter. A 13 year old trainer who is rebellious but loyal to his friends
Lilith:A 12year old girl who is independent but trustworthy
Aroan: A 12 year old boy who is Kind but doesn't want to be told he's wrong
Kunia: A 16 year old elite 4 member he is the 3rd member with a powerful blaziken.
Blizzard: A 14 year old elite 4 member Kunias younger brother the 1st member with a quick Glaceon
 
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Swampurtz

God of Destruction
Chapter 1 the expected Journey

As the clock struck 11 on the night before more trainers got their Pokemon in the town of breakneck.

Exspecially for me because I have waited for this day for so long

I was in my room watching the 74th Pandora region championship tourtament. It was the battle between the brothers Blizard and Kunia.


Blizzards glaceon blasting ice beam at Kunias Blaziken at return Blaziken hitting glaceon to the sky with sky uppercut. Each side would have to use 1 more move to decide it and then .... All power turned off

"Damnit" I yelled as I fell to sleep for tomorrow.


The next morning there was a knock on my door. My mom opened the door and said "hello Aroan and Lillith. Nate should be down in a moment."

"Sup guys I say when I got down stairs"

We walked to spruces lab just up the road

"Hey gramps what pokemon do u have for us" Aroan said.

"I have a charmander a snivy and a Mudkip" Spruce said

"I'll take snivy " Lilith said. " Charmander" Aroan said "Mudkip" I said

"Oh so you don't want my lecture" Spruce said

"NO" we all said.

"Ok bye youngins."


As I arrived home telling my mom bye before I was about to leave.

"So there's the new trainer" Kunia said

"Kunia I'm a big fan of your battling" I said.

"It's good to hear so you got a Mudkip I hear." Kunia said

"Mud" Mudkip said

After an hour of us talking he wished me luck for us to battle some day.

As I walk to the first route I would lie to say I wouldn't miss this place

Seeing Lilith and Aroan waiting for me to the entrence of route 1 I knew I was ready.
 
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Swampurtz

God of Destruction
I am sorry for how short chapter 1 is because when I wrote it was 6 pages long but for chapter 2 ill make it to the first gym leader
 

Psychic

Really and truly
Please read the Fan Fiction Rules before posting. They clearly state your first post must have the first chapter in it. Additionally, I don't know how you came to the conclusion that your chapter was six pages long, because when I copy-pasted it into Microsoft Word in size 12, it was barely over one page long, and it shouldn't be less than two pages. You should bw writing the fic on Word to begin with. Unfortunately for these reasons, I have to close this.

Also, while your grammar is generally fine, you need to work on paragraphing and punctuation.

For instance, keep in mind that a paragraph can be short or long, and a story should be a mix of both lengths. Reading just short or just long paragraphs can get repetitive and annoying otherwise. Start a new paragraph when:
-The scene changes.
-You start describing something new
-Every time a new person speaks.
You are correct in that you already skip a line between paragraphs. :)

Remember to capitalize the first word in every sentence (including dialogue), and the names of people, places and also Pokemon.

Every sentence ends in a punctuation mark. Here are the basics.

The Comma: Generally in dialogue, there should be a "," at the end inside the quotation marks. This is the case in just about every situation. Here are some examples:
"That store sells candy," she said with a grin.
"I really hate school," Jake muttered.
"Pokémon training looks like fun," the old man commented.
Notice also how the first word after the dialogue isn't capitalized. That's because it's like each line is one sentence; ignore the quotation marks for a moment. It doesn't really make sense if you just say "I really hate school." and "Jake muttered." as two different sentences, because they don't really make a lot of sense if they're alone. They only make sense when they’re connected, because they rely on one another for clarity.

Another time you use a comma is if someone is being addressed. That means if one character is talking to another character, there should be a comma before or after their name (depending). Examples:
"Hello, Jake," said Robert.
"Here, Jackie, I wanted to give this to you," Alex said shyly as he gave her a pretty rose.
"Rebecca, do you like chocolate?" her grandmother asked.

The Period: This goes at the end of every sentence. However, if you have dialogue and you want to start a new sentence after the dialogue, you can put a period inside the quotation marks. This means that each sentence can stand alone and would still make sense without the other. Remember to capitalize the next word! Example:
"You’re pretty." She smiled up at the supermodel.
"I hate you." The little girl crossed her arms and walked away.
"I wish I could become a Pokémon trainer." His mind filled with possibilities at the very thought of it.
"Yes, I would like a piece of cake, please." Without even waiting his turn, little Johnny plunged his hand into the birthday cake and grabbed some for himself.

The Question Mark: Whenever somebody asks a question, put a "?" at the end of the sentence. It is not replacing a period here, so the word after the dialogue wouldn't be capitalized. Example:
"Is it going to rain today?" the boy asked.
"Can I have a blue one?" she requested of the balloon salesman.
"Do you like ice cream? My family really likes ice cream," Sonia said happily.

The Exclamation Mark: Put a "!" at the end of a sentence when somebody has shouted something, or possibly given a strict command. Again, if it's at the end of dialogue, the word after the quotation marks usually shouldn't be capitalized. Example:
"I want a pony!" the little girl screamed.
"Go to your room, Jessie! You were a very bad boy," the mother said angrily.
"Let's go to the carnival!" he cried giddily.

Your story will look a lot better and easier to read once you have the basics of punctuation down, so be sure to follow this advice.

Also remember that you need to set up the story so readers can imagine what's going on by using description. You have to spend a little time describing:
  1. Setting. What is the weather like? Is the forest bustling with Pokemon? Is this a busy city full of people? What noises do we hear? What smells might there be?
  2. Characters. How old do they look? Are they short or tall? Are they pale or tanned? What kind of outfit are they wearing? Do they look confident, nervous, excited, shy? Remember that Pokemon are characters, too - let them say and do things.
  3. Actions. What do people look or act like as they're doing things? What are the affects of an action? How do characters react to people or things they see?
  4. Emotions. How do characters feel? Does an event make their heart race? Are they afraid of their Pokemon getting hurt? Is being alone in a new city a little scary? Are they excited to begin a journey but nervous to tell their family? Do they feel more than one thing at once?
  5. Battles. Does a Pokemon look excited to battle, does it look determined, afraid, intimidated? Does it shout a battle cry? Does it have trouble using attacks? When it gets hit by an attack, does it cry out in pain? Does it look hurt?



These are just a few basic things to think about when writing. I know it's a lot, and it does mean putting a lot of time and effort into what you write, but if you do you'll be able to post great stories you can be proud of and that others can enjoy. You're off to the right start, so remember - you can only get better!

Good luck! :)

~Psychic
 
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