Advice thread

[zenzai]

Um, the movie of The Hobbit is not out yet, it will be released next year. Unless you meant that very old animated one.

Yes, I was actually referring to the old Hobbits movie. Wasn't aware of any new ones. (So don't run off on assumptions?)
(We read The Hobbit in elementary school. I loved JRR Tolkien back then, but don't know that I'd like it as much if I reread it now.)

Also, I agree with Hakajin about there being a ton of good YA books - and YA books featuring strong female leads, no less - out there. I remember enjoying The Blue Sword/Hero and the Crown, and know that Tamora Pierce's Alanna books similarly focus on a female warrior-type lead. And, really. Women haven't achieved equality yet. Not by a long shot. So the relative dearth of strong female characters in literary canon (for readers of all ages, and not just YAs) is a good jumping-off point for a current state-of-affairs discussion (in classes, that is).

 

[Fenix]

Well, the striking lack of women characters is a serious detriment to a lot of us. Plus, I just found it kind of boring. I don't really care about Twilight, but there are a ton of really good YA books out there. Try Ursula K. LeGuin's Annals of the Western Shore series. These books may seem slow, but man are the themes ever complex! My copies are just filled with notes.

Also, I agree with Hakajin about there being a ton of good YA books - and YA books featuring strong female leads, no less - out there. I remember enjoying The Blue Sword/Hero and the Crown, and know that Tamora Pierce's Alanna books similarly focus on a female warrior-type lead. And, really. Women haven't achieved equality yet. Not by a long shot. So the relative dearth of strong female characters in literary canon (for readers of all ages, and not just YAs) is a good jumping-off point for a current state-of-affairs discussion (in classes, that is).

Well I personally don't really care about the protagonist's gender that much, so I don't really understand why not having women characters is a bad thing. Bilbo Baggings could be Bilbetta Baggings for all I care. Unless you lot only enjoy books with romance in them which is a different story. The Hobbit is a fantasy/adventure novel and does what it is supposed to do perfectly in my opinion.

I used Twilight as an example of a very bad book, I didn't mean the genre. I could have said Digital Fortress or any other bad book, I have nothing against YA books.

@Hakajin and zenzai: If I misunderstood your posts then consider what I said above null and void.

 

[Ethan]

I need advice guys.

There's a recent and extremely rude signature trend going around Misc. that was started by a certain mod. Should I tell these people that they're acting like complete fudgebars for going along with it?

Its all in good fun dear. After all, you might want to check which section your in. I tease Profesco about him dating you all the time, as do the other Misc. members. Ya know, because we know eachother? If I personally had it out for you or the both of you I would have something much more serious and virulent in my signature. Nothing to get really upset about tbh.

The Miscers are too sensitive. u_u

Here's a quote from your boyfriend.

Speaking of which where is Profesco? ;______;

 

[zenzai]

Well I personally don't really care about the protagonist's gender that much, so I don't really understand why not having women characters is a bad thing. Bilbo Baggings could be Bilbetta Baggings for all I care. Unless you lot only enjoy books with romance in them which is a different story. The Hobbit is a fantasy/adventure novel and does what it is supposed to do perfectly in my opinion.

I used Twilight as an example of a very bad book, I didn't mean the genre. I could have said Digital Fortress or any other bad book, I have nothing against YA books.

@Hakajin and zenzai: If I misunderstood your posts then consider what I said above null and void.

>_< Yeah... there is definitely some misunderstanding going there. I agree that the Twilight books are ****. And definitely didn't take your comment as you saying that it's representative of the YA category.

However...

Unless you lot only enjoy books with romance in them which is a different story

This kind of thinking is troubling. Female characters are not only good for romance! >_< Equating female leads with romance novels (as if women and romance are inseparable) is just another illustration of the sexist socialization/socializing forces that influence our development. You may not think it's such a big thing, but underlying stereotypes like these have quite the sizable impact on everything ranging from politics, to jobs, to simple daily interactions. Looking into the reasons behind the relative lack of strong female characters in literature is just one way to get at exposing and tracing the mechanisms of gender inequality, which often flies under the radar.

 

[GrizzlyB]

Its all in good fun dear. After all, you might want to check which section your in. I tease Profesco about him dating you all the time, as do the other Misc. members. Ya know, because we know eachother? If I personally had it out for you or the both of you I would have something much more serious and virulent in my signature. Nothing to get really upset about tbh.

In addition to this, Tadashi, the only reason I left the bit about you in my sig was because, A) Taking it out would ruin the concept of a chain signature, and, B) I figured that, on the off chance you were offended by it or wanted it removed, you would have the good sense to PM whomever personally and ask them to remove it (which I, and I'm sure anybody else who has it, would have been only too happy to do), rather than first reporting it to mods or passive-aggressively telling us off in the advice thread. And I hope you realize that it's not any kind of an actual attempt to try and break you up, it's purely an attempt to force some sort of reaction out of Profesco, because - I don't know about you - I can't think of any better way to do it.

So yes, perhaps you should go and tell these people they're being fudgebars.

 

[Hakajin]

I just didn't feel very attached to the characters in The Hobbit. I didn't feel like I could get into their heads. I had nothing in common with them, and the character interaction didn't interest me much, either. Yeah, I prefer character driven stories. If I don't care about the characters, it's hard for me to get into the story. Especially one that's slow. I mean, I think that book went through a lot of build up on purpose, but I just didn't care. Well, that's just how I felt about it.

As for women characters, I understand them better and can relate to them better. They tend to have more of an emotional dynamic, too.

 

[Isy]

y0 I can ask anything right? Ok so whenever I look in the mirror I talk to my mirror self and honestly, he's a jerk.

"hey mirror self what do you think of my outfit"
"well i like how your red zit matches with your shirt, gj man"

I mean he's always making hurtful comments like this, and honestly I'm sick of it. What should I do?

 

[Zwitter™]

y0 I can ask anything right? Ok so whenever I look in the mirror I talk to my mirror self and honestly, he's a jerk.

"hey mirror self what do you think of my outfit"
"well i like how your red zit matches with your shirt, gj man"

I mean he's always making hurtful comments like this, and honestly I'm sick of it. What should I do?

Deck the muther!!!!
seriously, 7 years bad luck is worth getting one up on your mirror self

 

[Tadashi]

Girl, whatever. Don't let those silly boys get to you, just do what you do. Haters gonna hate.

Here I was, planning to do a miffed rebuttal to all the comments my post generated, and then I see the addition to your signature.

Guess it's true. Haters gonna hate. I needed that.

 

[DA DA SWSH]

Advice is needed-badly might I add

Umm So theres this kid Justin, I've known him for 2 years more or less, and we were really good friends, we hanged out and we are both fairly popular within our grade, we didnt hang out much over the summer cause I had a job and He was in michigian, anyways-
We started hangen out again and he gave we went to the fair together like 3 times and we hung i guess, we in my opinion were becoming like really good friends, even thoe we got in several arguments/fights it was all good-
Then
Two weeks ago(friday) he found out we pulled a very nasty prank on him-
ME and my friend tesia pretend she was a really hot girl named lauren and thru texting so he thought he was textin her(lauren who is also my good friend but he wasent talken to the real one)-I guess they got pretty deep, I wasent aware but once he found out and I told him the truth-
He flipped s***, he wanted to KILL ME, he wants to get in a fight with me so bad, and he hates my guts now like really really hates my guts,
that saturaday/sunday i gave a very deep and truthful apology something i never really do(be girly or whatever)but he still hates me and Ive said and tryed everything in the book, and everyone tells me just let time do the job,
I want the quickest fick to get him to forgive me and be friends again.
so please help me i feel soo bad about what i did, he really hates me reat now

 

[Hakajin]

You've done about all you can. Trying too hard and grovelling can just make the situation worse. As long as he's angry, you should give him his space. There's no quick fix for a situation like this; you messed up, and these are the consequences. Just learn from the experience and hope he eventually forgives you.

 

[FeminineCuttlefish]

Well, Swsh, I would tell him about that it wasn't meant to harm him so much and it's a petty thing to get ****** off about.

 

[Pseudo-Unlegendary]

Advice is needed-badly might I add

Umm So theres this kid Justin, I've known him for 2 years more or less, and we were really good friends, we hanged out and we are both fairly popular within our grade, we didnt hang out much over the summer cause I had a job and He was in michigian, anyways-
We started hangen out again and he gave we went to the fair together like 3 times and we hung i guess, we in my opinion were becoming like really good friends, even thoe we got in several arguments/fights it was all good-
Then
Two weeks ago(friday) he found out we pulled a very nasty prank on him-
ME and my friend tesia pretend she was a really hot girl named lauren and thru texting so he thought he was textin her(lauren who is also my good friend but he wasent talken to the real one)-I guess they got pretty deep, I wasent aware but once he found out and I told him the truth-
He flipped s***, he wanted to KILL ME, he wants to get in a fight with me so bad, and he hates my guts now like really really hates my guts,
that saturaday/sunday i gave a very deep and truthful apology something i never really do(be girly or whatever)but he still hates me and Ive said and tryed everything in the book, and everyone tells me just let time do the job,
I want the quickest fick to get him to forgive me and be friends again.
so please help me i feel soo bad about what i did, he really hates me reat now

Oh that's harsh, when it comes to guys and girls that ain't something you want to go deep into. You can go two ways, it may depend because neither are sure fire.

Let him get even, easy but painful and if he's a psycho maybe you should just talk it out.

Two, since he is a dude and I'm guessing single he obviously wants a girl that's why he flipped out so bad after finding out it was a prank, because he thought he had a chance. So I say just help him with that.

 

[Sweet Pinpuku]

I work as a cleaner in an elderly nursing home and one of the women there, she's in her 70s, took a really bad stroke and it's not looking good for her. I'm quite close to the woman, but because I was working, basically "on-duty" I wasn't allowed in to see her. I know I'm not as close to her as her family and others that work there, but she was always so nice to me and we always had a lot to talk about every day I went into her room and dusted about and now, even if she survives, she won't be the same as she once was...

I don't know what to do. I keep thinking about the other residents that I'm closer to and what would happened if one of them "took a bad turn" as they're calling it or if one of them died... I don't know how I could ever handle that. I wonder if I should quit my job, to leave them and be away from this pain or face it head on and try to strengthen myself for when it's someone like my gran or papa, but do I really want to steel myself and seem less emotional than what I should when it's their time? I don't know what to do. I mean, just last night, I was looking forward to going to work, doing something good for society and getting to be with people I really love and care about and then one is just suddenly snatched away, it's unfair. I loved my job until this happened, now I can't face going back in there tomorrow.

I keep thinking about her and crying. I'm so angry that this happened, she didn't deserve it and was in good health, it just happened for no good reason when it shouldn't have had.

 

[dark rift]

I work as a cleaner in an elderly nursing home and one of the women there, she's in her 70s, took a really bad stroke and it's not looking good for her. I'm quite close to the woman, but because I was working, basically "on-duty" I wasn't allowed in to see her. I know I'm not as close to her as her family and others that work there, but she was always so nice to me and we always had a lot to talk about every day I went into her room and dusted about and now, even if she survives, she won't be the same as she once was...

I don't know what to do. I keep thinking about the other residents that I'm closer to and what would happened if one of them "took a bad turn" as they're calling it or if one of them died... I don't know how I could ever handle that. I wonder if I should quit my job, to leave them and be away from this pain or face it head on and try to strengthen myself for when it's someone like my gran or papa, but do I really want to steel myself and seem less emotional than what I should when it's their time? I don't know what to do. I mean, just last night, I was looking forward to going to work, doing something good for society and getting to be with people I really love and care about and then one is just suddenly snatched away, it's unfair. I loved my job until this happened, now I can't face going back in there tomorrow.

I keep thinking about her and crying. I'm so angry that this happened, she didn't deserve it and was in good health, it just happened for no good reason when it shouldn't have had.

To put it bluntly, she's in an elderly nursing home for a reason. It's how life works, and it's best to get over it with her as best as possible, so you are stronger about it when it ends up being someone closer that you know. However, that's how the cycle of life works and there's nothing that can be done about it, so you may aswell get over it as soon as possible so you don't waste your life mourning about it.

 

[Grass Guardian]

I work as a cleaner in an elderly nursing home and one of the women there, she's in her 70s, took a really bad stroke and it's not looking good for her. I'm quite close to the woman, but because I was working, basically "on-duty" I wasn't allowed in to see her. I know I'm not as close to her as her family and others that work there, but she was always so nice to me and we always had a lot to talk about every day I went into her room and dusted about and now, even if she survives, she won't be the same as she once was...

I don't know what to do. I keep thinking about the other residents that I'm closer to and what would happened if one of them "took a bad turn" as they're calling it or if one of them died... I don't know how I could ever handle that. I wonder if I should quit my job, to leave them and be away from this pain or face it head on and try to strengthen myself for when it's someone like my gran or papa, but do I really want to steel myself and seem less emotional than what I should when it's their time? I don't know what to do. I mean, just last night, I was looking forward to going to work, doing something good for society and getting to be with people I really love and care about and then one is just suddenly snatched away, it's unfair. I loved my job until this happened, now I can't face going back in there tomorrow.

I keep thinking about her and crying. I'm so angry that this happened, she didn't deserve it and was in good health, it just happened for no good reason when it shouldn't have had.

Dark Rift has a point. If you're going to work in a nursing, you have to expect stuff like this to happen. Steeling yourself for this isn't necessarily a bad thing. When your grandma or grandpa dies, do want to be an emotional wreck, crying and staying home from work and neglecting your other responsibilitys, or do you want to be strong about it, still getting things done and, at the same time, become a rock or source of strength to support other friends and family who will be grieving?

As morbid as this is going to sound, while death means the end for one indivual, it can be a stepping stone for loved ones to grow and mature. Life is full of hardships. I'm sure you know that, and growing in strength and maturity will greatly help you to deal with these hardships.

If one person dies, it does not mean that you need to neglect the other people that are still there that still need and want you around. You have to be strong for them. And being strong does not mean being emotionless. It just means that you will be better prepared to handle this kind of situation.

Also, sorry for any grammar errors.

 

[Sweet Pinpuku]

You are both right... it just happened so suddenly, but I've had time to grieve and, well, she died through the night (Saturday night) and I was given a rather unique opportunity to say goodbye in my own way - they let me clean her room one last time before the new resident moved in, while it was still her room, you know? I know that sounds so trivial and silly, but it really meant a lot to me and allowed me to say goodbye and move on in some respect...

I thank you both for your advice and for reminding me that there are others there, other residents that would still benefit from my presence there.

Thank you *hugs*

 

[Hakajin]

You are both right... it just happened so suddenly, but I've had time to grieve and, well, she died through the night (Saturday night) and I was given a rather unique opportunity to say goodbye in my own way - they let me clean her room one last time before the new resident moved in, while it was still her room, you know? I know that sounds so trivial and silly, but it really meant a lot to me and allowed me to say goodbye and move on in some respect...

I thank you both for your advice and for reminding me that there are others there, other residents that would still benefit from my presence there.

Thank you *hugs*

Yeah, I think you should stay. They say that nurses and doctors get used to death, but it's always hard the first couple of times it happens.

What you're doing is really meaningful, though. You gave her happiness while she was still alive, you know? Even if she did die, that doesn't go away. And it's good for you, too. Relationships are what give meaning to life. They're worth developing, even if it does come to an end eventually. You still learned things from that person, and you changed a little bit. And you still have your memories.

It's ok to be sad about it. You'll be able to handle it better in the future.

 

[Waterpokes]

Okey, I got an advice to ask.

My mom and many of my friends wants me to get more social.
To say at it is, I'm not very social and always stays inside, almost every time.
I have nothing against going outside or being with my friends, but I'm very nervous and shy. I actually wanna go out, but when I do, I have to ask my mom.
I am very shy and stuff, and when people say that there going out in the weekends, kind off closes me out.
And this has been going on for a long time, and I don't want this to be my whole life.

So this is where the advice comes in.
What can make me be more social and go outside with my friends, after school time?

 

[Sweet Pinpuku]

Yeah, I think you should stay. They say that nurses and doctors get used to death, but it's always hard the first couple of times it happens.

What you're doing is really meaningful, though. You gave her happiness while she was still alive, you know? Even if she did die, that doesn't go away. And it's good for you, too. Relationships are what give meaning to life. They're worth developing, even if it does come to an end eventually. You still learned things from that person, and you changed a little bit. And you still have your memories.

It's ok to be sad about it. You'll be able to handle it better in the future.

I spoke to someone who's worked in the care sector for 24 years and the advice I was given was very simple and true to me - don't ever get used to it because when you do you stop caring. The truth is, the fact that this was so difficult for me and will continue to be so every time a resident dies is the very reason why I should work with these people because it shows just how much I care and how much of myself I put into my work and I feel that is very true.

I'm very grateful for all of your advice and I want you to know that your words did not go unheard and really help me through this in each own's way... thank you.

I have nothing against going outside or being with my friends, but I'm very nervous and shy. I actually wanna go out, but when I do, I have to ask my mom.

I've always heard that the first step in getting over confidence issues is when you actually acknowledge that you have them - so you're already on your way to getting over this ^.^

All I can really advise I feel is to socialise a bit more outside of school with your friends, I'm sure they wouldn't mind if you tagged along with them if they're really friends, you know? Maybe even see if there are any after-school activities that you can get involved in (my younger cousin joined a music class after school to meet other people with similar interests) or even maybe a local youth club or something?

I'm sorry I can't suggest anything more ;440;