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All Mon are Brothers (DISCONTINUED)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by roule, Jun 6, 2017.

  1. roule

    roule take it all or leave it... I Feel You

    soooo the idea of some of the members of the serebii fanfic discord being thrown into the pokemon world was tossed around by a few people within it, and it inspired me to write this. eventually, in my mind, it evolved from a dumb gag one-shot to a epic that will probably span many many chapters as per usual with me

    for those not within the chat: that's okay! im writing this with the intention that everyone, regardless if they're in the chat or not, can read it without feeling too alienated.

    i will note that the chapters character (other than the first chapter) and the starters are chosen by rng, so that's why youll see some interesting starters and stuff :)

    thanks goes to...

    icomeanon6 for both the region name and fic name

    zerogravity for the original idea

    and everyone who is currently particpating!

    INDEX

    1. ROULE

    2. ZEROGRAVITY


    3. DREAMSAYER / DELIRIOUSABSOL / BAY
     
    Last edited: Jul 3, 2017
  2. roule

    roule take it all or leave it... I Feel You

    1.

    ROULE

    The first thing Roule notices when she wakes up is the winds blowing over her, icy and unforgiving. Any sleep that muddles her mind is instantly blown away, and she screams painfully, the wind covering up the sound. She doesn’t get up immediately, pinning herself to the grass as the wind continues to rage, the whistling audible in her ears. Thankfully, she’s wearing what appears to be a heavy purple jacket and thick black trousers, so the cold doesn’t hurt as much as it could have. Slowly, she rises to her feet.

    The sky is a slate grey, no sign of light in sight. Little flecks of snow float around the woman, not enough to really stick, just dissolving when it hits the ground. The only visible landmarks are a long patch of highway with cars zooming past, and a green sign advertising a Tim Hortons at the next exit. The rest is grassland, as far as the eye can see.

    Roule tries her best to mentally retrace her steps, to see how she ended up here, on the side of some highway in at least upstate Pennsylvania, judging by the Tim Hortons. However, all she can recall is getting home from work, flopping onto her couch, and watching the Mystery Science Theater 3000 reboot. Nothing more, nothing less. Everything else is a total and complete ****ing blank.

    Roule walks closer to the sign and squints at it, trying to decide how long she can walk until she reaches some sort of civilization. She can’t decipher anything other than the Tim Hortons and the town of ‘Malden’, any distance amount is in the metric system. She curses herself for not paying attention to metric units in class, and then the realization hits her that she's in Canada. Why is she in Canada of all places? It takes hours, days for her to get there from her house. That means she's been laying there for… How long does it take for frostbite to set in again? She racks her mind, but finds nothing to help her. Guess she’ll just die.

    Roule sets off, walking forward through the field somewhat aimlessly. The grass itches at her uncovered ankles, and she shakes off the phantom feeling of bugs crawling over them. After a few paces, she finds a large, dark bag with her name on a note attached to it. Strange. Roule picks up the bag anyways, which lugs her down somewhat, her back bending with the effort. She’s honestly shocked that no one has stopped to either yell at her for something or ask her if she’s alright, and it causes a stew of anger to boil in her belly. Does anyone care about a person lying on the side of the road?

    There's no other signs of civilization around her, other than the highway. The only things she can really spot are a large Canadian flag flying in the distance upon a gigantic steel pole, and a large red steel contraption that looks to be some sort of radio tower. In the darkness, she can see the white light on the top blink occasionally. She wonders what it's purpose is, radio, TV, spying? Roule laughs hollowly at herself for that last one. No way.

    The backpack she lugs on her back eats away at her as she walks further and further, until she finally stops and zips it open. She hopes for some sort of food, like trek mix or an apple or something, anything to satiate her hunger. All Roule finds are her phone, her laptop, their respective chargers, and piles and piles of money. Seriously, it seems endless, almost filling the entire bag, and it makes Roule feel nervous. Is she being set up as a fall guy for a bank robbery? At least she has money for food. Whoever packed her bag must have wanted her to starve while walking.

    “Just my ****in’ luck.” Roule hisses, kicking a pebble hard with her shoe. She watches as it flies off into the distance, and hits a large, stone object sitting in the middle of the field. Instead of just staying still, she watches it shift a little, as if it's alive, before standing still again.

    She stands still for a few moments, before gradually approaching the object. If it is indeed alive, she needs to approach it slow. Show it that she means no harm. It could attack her and kill her if she angers it. However, when she does get close enough, she stops in her tracks and gapes at it.

    The creature reaches to Roule’s waist on all fours, shaped like an unholy mixture between a rhino and a dinosaur. It's covered in rocky formations all over its hide, and has a prominent ridge running down its spine. It peeks up at Roule with bright red eyes, and Roule steps back somewhat. Instead of snorting angrily and charging into her, it approaches her with slow, thumping steps. It sniffs at her legs somewhat, and Roule feels nausea swim in her stomach.

    The creature in front of her was a rhyhorn, a pokemon! Pokemon weren't real! At least, they shouldn't be. Was she finally losing it? If she was, well, it was better than like… believing ants were crawling all over her skin. Or something like that. Might as well take advantage of it... She bends down, getting down at eye level. The rhyhorn doesn't seem to hate it, doesn't make an angry noise or back away growling. Instead, it sniffs at her face, and leans into her touch as she rubs his head.

    “Hey bud,” Roule smiles the best she can, it’s probably some part of her subconscious. So, she should be nice. “You alone out here too?”

    The rhyhorn grunts softly, closing his eyes as Roule rubs his neck. Roule giggles softly as it follows her hand with its head.

    “Well, do ya want to follow me?” Roule asks, and the rhyhorn opens its eyes and snorts. She assumes that's a ‘yes’.

    She walks forward, and the rhyhorn follows her very slowly, and looking up at her when they both stop. Roule looks back at it, contemplates riding it to prevent her legs from aching. Then again, it might just fling her off and kill her somehow. If it's real. She doesn't want to test it either way.

    They walk for what feels like hours. Roule constantly checks her fingers for signs of frostbite, but judging by the fact that she has to roll up her red Vancouver 2010 mittens each time she checks and that her fingers are a ruddy pink instead of a pale grey, it's probably irrational. The rhyhorn doesn't seem to mind the cold, trudging through the harsh winds like it's nothing. The woman briefly wonders if he can feel it, if all that stone plating insulates him somehow. If he's real, of course. She wonders if the cars passing by just see a crazy lady walking past, singing to herself and looking over at nothing. Again, she's surprised no one yells at her from their car, shouting curses or just yelling, no words, just a loud noise.

    After an hour or so (or what felt like one), she sees a distant brown building that resembles a strip mall. Roule laughs in relief and exhaustion, her legs ache painfully and her toes are starting to go numb. She rushes forward, occasionally stopping to let the dinosaur-ish creature catch up to her, and rub its heavy head on her leg. Despite its closeness on the horizon, it still takes a while to get up to the building, and Roule feels her patience run out and exhaustion begin to set in. She looks back at the rhyhorn, who is still plowing forward like his legs don't hurt, and feels immense jealousy.

    Finally, the two reach the strip mall, dark parking lot spanned in front of her. Roule stands still for a second, letting herself rest a little. Stopping makes it worse, as now she has nothing to distract herself from the searing pain in her legs. The only time Roule does anything physical is when she’s at work, and even then, she aches for at least a day afterward. She peers up at the sky, gloved hand over her brow, trying to see what time it is. It's impossible to tell, the clouds not moving since she woke up. Roule shrugs it off, just walking on the sidewalk, looking at the storefronts. There's a Walmart, a McDonalds, and Roule smiles when she spots the familiar red sign of Tim Hortons. The enticement of good coffee and nice donuts brings her in. As she walks through the door, rhyhorn hot on her tail, one of the cashiers calls out to her.

    “Excuse me, ma'am? We don’t allow pokemon over 100 kilograms in here.”

    So it wasn’t a hallucination! But… the cashier knows about pokemon? Was it normal here? But how? Pokemon didn’t actually exist, she just wrote a lot about them! Ignoring her thoughts, Roule nods, and turns to the rhyhorn, who looks up at her with big sad eyes.

    “You’re going to have to wait outside,” She said, and the rhyhorn grunted sadly. “I’m sorry. I’ll get you something nice, okay?”

    Roule opens the door for it, so he doesn’t put a hole through the glass, before she walks over to one of the red booths. Gently, she sets her bag down, and unzips it. Her eyes dart around furtively, checking to see if anyone is watching her in the near empty shop, before she grabs a few bills from her money stack. Not taking any chances, Roule quickly slings her bag back onto her back, and looks around again. She’s okay, she thinks to herself as she holds a hand over her heart, she’s alright.

    She walks up to the cashier, and orders a mocha, chocolate donut, and a salad for the rhyhorn. It seems like pretty normal Tims run, until her cashier, a teenage boy with short dark hair, asks her a very bizarre question.

    “Where in Unova are you from?”

    “Excuse me?” Roule asks in a wavering tone, her eyes wide. The cashier looks at her like it’s the most normal thing to do, ask if someone’s from a region from a videogame, that doesn’t ****ing exist!

    “I said, where in Unova are you from? You speak with a Unovian accent.”

    “Unova?” She repeats, scrunching up her face. “What do you mean? Where the **** is Unova?”

    “Under Nordec, where we are, right now!” The cashier replies, visibly upset. Roule gawks at him, rubbing at her scalp.

    “Nordec?” Roule says, crossing her arms. “You mean Canada? There’s no such thing as ‘Nordec’ and ‘Unova’, man. It’s Canada and the United States.”

    “Listen lady,” The cashier spits, visibly ready to kick Roule out. “I have no idea what kind of mental problems you have, but there are no such places as ‘Canada’ or ‘America’.”

    “How?” Roule asks, her eyes wide again. “Do you have a map or something? Proof?”

    The cashier grabs his phone, types in a few letters, and then hands the phone to Roule. It’s a normal map of Canada on google except the name, in big bold letters, is “NORDEC”. Under that, a map of the United States reads “UNOVA”. Roule just stares at the screen with wide eyes and an open mouth. How could she...? Was she in an alternate universe? The pokemon universe? But how could she end up in it? It was impossible! She thinks over this briefly, before her stomach flops painfully.

    She rushes to the bathroom, and slams the dark stall door open. She bends down in front of the toilet, heaves suddenly and vomits anything and everything that’s in her stomach. It's actually mostly bile, burning at the edge of her throat. She ends up dry heaving 2 times before bursting into tears, thinking over how alone she is. Roule cries for a few moments, hunched over the toilet and holding her face with clammy hands, before she sobers up. Dead inside, she washes up at the sink, walks back to the counter, and grabs her order. She feels the cashier’s eyes glaring at her as she leaves the coffee shop.

    The rhyhorn greets her with a grunt in a higher pitch, and Roule makes an effort to smile down at it as she opens its salad. It scarfs the vegetables down, like it hasn’t eaten anything in the last day. Roule briefly wonders if it has, but doesn’t want to think about something like that. She sits down on a black bench, and scarfs down her donut and mocha. It normally would be enough, but the shock has rendered her food tasteless, making eating a chore. As she eats, she thinks over her situation. What could she have done to end up in an alternate universe where pokemon is real? Electrocute herself with her 3DS? Fall into a coma, like all those stupid theories on the internet? Just wake up??? What was it?

    Searching for answers, Roule pulls out her laptop, on a hunch that whatever caused her to end up here would be on the laptop. That’s something a kidnapper or mastermind would do right? Whatever, it was better than nothing. She logs on, and there's a very bizarre document open on her desktop, very short. It reads:

    “ROULE

    YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN FOR A Very Special Journey.

    YOU MUST FIND THE OTHERS

    OTHER INSTRUCTIONS WILL FOLLOW”

    Roule just stared, her mouth falling open. The rhyhorn rubs against her leg, trying to calm her down. All she could think right now is, what the **** do they mean by ‘others’?
     
    Last edited: Jul 3, 2017
  3. Cutlerine

    Cutlerine Gone. Not coming back.

    This is an intriguing start! Possibly some of this is due to my total unfamiliarity with Canada – I live in the UK and haven't travelled much through North America, so while I know a little about the US from like films and books and things I don't know anything about Canada (… so, uh, I hope that beldum does 'cause otherwise that's not gonna work out well) – so I'm probably more interested in the setting of Nordec than maybe other people, but even so. All your stories have this really great sense of geographical and cultural specificity to them, and yes that's probably the most pretentious way I could have phrased that but I think it still stands; this is just the first chapter, and there's already a fairly strong sense of place, even given that Roule (as opposed to you, I guess) is so clearly adrift.

    Which brings me to the second thing: obviously this is something big and fun involving people more used to inventing pokémon worlds than inhabiting them, but it's not just that either, you know? There's effort been put into creating that sense of dislocation that comes with entering a reality previously only encountered in fiction, and though you keep it light and play it as comic rather than existentially horrifying (mostly) it still does the job. I think what I was expecting from this when you mentioned it in the chat was, like you said in your introduction, a gag one-shot, but clearly you're setting things up for a big dimension-hopping adventure, and that's much more interesting.

    The cashier's overt hostility seems … slightly odd, though. I'd expect something along the lines of confusion more than outright aggression. It seems to me that if someone walked up to you at work and insisted they were in another reality you'd respond first with bafflement, especially if they were really persistent about it. Maybe after that would come some sort of hostility, but this guy seems to take it weirdly personally. I guess there could be reasons for this, but given that I doubt we're ever going to meet the Tim Hortons Cashier Guy ever again and delve into his mindset, I'm not sure we'd ever get to see those reasons. Unless of course he's like a staging post for journeys between realities and everyone who travels between universes ends up stopping at a coffee shop in a strip mall in the middle of nowhere, which actually doesn't sound all that implausible to me.

    Other than that, I think I'll hold off commenting for now: the set-up is intriguing, and I'd like to see where you're going with it before I start thinking about the plot. Obviously we're all interested in this at least partly just to see what you inflict upon us do with us, but the story stands by itself pretty well without that, I think!
     
  4. DeliriousAbsol

    DeliriousAbsol Call me Del

    This is an interesting start. I'm excited to see where you go with this =D
     
  5. Chibi Pika

    Chibi Pika Stay positive

    yesssss I am so glad that this is happening.

    First of all, as usual, one of your biggest strengths is crafting believable and detailed settings. (I love how even in Poke-Canada, Tim Hortons rules the land.) Second of all I still can't believe this is going to have an intriguing plot! xD So roule must find the 'others'... what cruel fate is the Serebii fanfic crew destined for? I am interested to find out!

    Also Rhyhorn is already pretty cute and I can tell it is definitely going to grow on you as the story progresses. I wonder if the rest of us will say the same about our starters! ;P

    ~Chibi~;249;;448;
     
  6. roule

    roule take it all or leave it... I Feel You

    i'm glad that everyone is enjoying this fic so far!! it's been really fun to write, and i think it'll become something big. and to answer culterine: i didn't intend on having the cashier be a jerk (idk why i did it?) but i'm planning on editing it!

    now, without further ado...



    2.

    ZEROGRAVITY

    Valentina opens her eyes to a dim, somewhat shifting metallic room, the only light coming from a red LED light in a distant corner of the room. Her body is in between several damp cardboard boxes, the contents of which she cannot decipher for the love of her, and doesn’t particularly want to. The boxes do have an odd, wet smell to them, looking slightly damp from what she hopes is rain, and she wrinkles her nose in disgust. An attempt to stand up is futile, she almost falls over when she gets onto her feet, the metallic ground shifting to the left from underneath her. From outside of the thin metal walls, she hears a loud honking noise, slightly muffled by the metal, but not by much. Even though it’s muffled, she still flinches in shock. Is she in a truck…? How?

    “Hello?” She shouts, only hearing her voice bounce around the room. Valentina frowns, peering at what she can see, what isn’t blocked by boxes. Other than the said boxes, there’s nothing visibly in the room with her, but she can barely make out a large pair of locked doors at the end of the room. So, she is in the back of a truck, then. The trailer, to be certain.

    “Anyone else in here? Anyone but me…?”

    No reply, other than her voice bouncing back. Valentina lays back down, resting her head on the hard metal floor. While she tries to adjust to the feeling of the floor on her skull, she wonders briefly how she got here. However, she recalls nothing that isn’t unmentionable and therefore, forgettable. Instead, her mind is foggy and unfocused, and she runs her sweaty hands through her wavy brown hair. Wouldn’t she remember being kidnapped or drugged by someone? That would be pretty memorable. Her eyes flit over to the box behind her head, and she reads the the black text printed across the box, below a picture of a familiar looking hawk. Was that…?

    TALONFLAME DELIVERY SERVICE

    1445 Maple Avenue, Castelia City, Unova


    Unova!? Like, the Pokemon games?! Valentina stares at it, before looking over at another box to check that it wasn’t some sort of odd mistake. Sure enough, it said the same thing…This couldn’t be a prank, could it? It was a pretty mean-spirited prank, if it was. Kidnapping and sticking a teenage girl in the back of a truck, drive around, and stick boxes with references to her favorite games… What kind of TV show would do that to someone as a joke!? However, above all else, she wants to believe that she’s actually in Unova, somehow, through some sort of warp or whatever. Pokemon was her obsession growing up, and the thought of it actually being real was… was...

    Valentina’s thoughts were interrupted by a distant but echoing tap-tap-tap-tap of what sounded like paws on the metallic floor, past a pile of boxes. She sits up, her head spinning to try and find whatever was walking past. Was it a rat, a dog… could it be a… pokemon? Valentina gets onto her knees at that point and crawls around the still shifting floor, always aware that one wrong turn of the wheels and she could be flung off to the side and end up hurting herself on one of the walls. After a few minutes of searching through the trailer she finds her answer.

    A small dark colored cat, no… lion cub, only about two feet tall with a tuft of red hair on the top of its head, crouches down towards the floor, dark eyes glaring at her and its tail waving subtly. It slowly inches over to her, before dashing forward, and pouncing on her head. Valentina manages to wrestle its paws off her head before it sinks its claws in, and the lion cub flops onto its back, squirming and hissing. It opens its mouth in an attempt to roar, but only makes a loud squeaking noise. Valentina slowly smiles and giggles at the cute little beast, reaching her hand out to pet its stomach. Instead of letting her pet its stomach and maybe purring, the little lion sinks its fangs into her wrist.

    “Ow!” Valentina shouts, jerking her hand back. From what she can see, there are two small red marks on her wrist, not too deep in her arm but still bleeding a little. “Bad kitty! No biting!”

    The lion hisses again, and walks closer to Valentina, making a squeaking noise and showing off it’s teeth. As she backs away, she finally gets a good look at it, and her eyes go wide. It was a pokemon! A litleo, a real life pokemon! So the boxes were right, she was in Unova! But how? How did--

    Valentina’s thoughts were interrupted by the litleo slamming its head into her body. It bites at her dark pant leg and tugs impatiently, trying to rip it off. She shouts, trying to distract it from trying to tear a chunk of her pant leg off to play with, but it doesn't budge. When that doesn’t work, she inches over and tries to wrestle it away from her pants.

    The rest of her involuntary truck road trip, Valentina spends most of her time wrestling the litleo away from her clothes and limbs, which it seems to be intent on turning into shreds. It doesn't give her a chance to sigh in relief when she pushes it away, always pouncing back onto her with big, saucer like eyes. As they wrestle again, neither of them notice the truck stop moving, until there is a blinding white light and a loud male voice:

    “What in the goddamn…?”

    The two both jolt up from their squabble to look over at a tall, older man wearing a red flannel and blue jeans, probably the driver, staring at the two with a shocked expression. It quickly morphs to anger, and Valentina panics.

    “What are you doing!? Get out from back there!”

    As Valentia inches away from the man approaching, she watches as the litleo marches out of the trailer, stepping outside, but stopping. It looks back at her, as if goading her on further. Valentina tries to quickly come up with some excuse or joke to get her out of this mess, before the man could run up and drag her away. Couldn’t tell him that she was from an alternate universe, how about she pretends to be Russian? That’d work, if there was an equivalent to Russia in this universe… Still, it’s worth a shot.

    “We are very sorry, comrade,” She says, in a fake Russian accent, getting up and quickly walking out of the trailer. The cold hits her instantly, and she shivers in her hoodie and jeans. “Me and… Sasha will not bother you further. Goodbye!”

    Valentina runs away before the man can say anything, Sasha hot on her heels. The girl doesn't pay attention to anything passing her by, just her feet moving forwards and Sasha attempting to bite at her heels. Eventually, exhaustion takes the better of her, and she falls to her knees on yellow grass. Sasha’s attention is drawn elsewhere as she patters away, and Valentina looks up weakly.

    She's in the middle of a large field, dark barren trees flanking all sides. In the middle of the park, two young children play with what appears to be an oranguru, playing a game of catch. An older girl with bright red hair walks past Valentina with a comfey wrapped around her neck, the flowers shifting ever so subtly and the little fairy peeks back at her. Valentina stares at the two pokemon, a smile growing on her face. Well, she sort of has a starter pokemon, why doesn’t she go on a journey, while trying to head back home? Why not…?

    Sasha gets her attention again, walking triumphantly towards her with a piece of paper in its mouth. Valentina manages to wrest it from her jaws without getting bit in the process, and while Sasha squeaks at her to give it back, she reads the paper.

    PRINCE GEORGE ISLAND

    That’s all it says. Valentina scowls at it, crossing her arms and squinting somewhat, and drops it for Sasha to play with. The litleo eagerly tears into it, and Valentina’s glad it's not playing with her pant leg this time around. So… maybe this ‘Prince George Island’ is where she can find answers…? Maybe. It’s worth a shot to try, instead of just speculate.

    So, Valentina walks forward, onto the sidewalk, Sasha walking beside her with paper in tow. She spots a large town spanning ahead of her, with brick storefronts and rushing cars. People walk past her, not seeming to notice her as they walk on both sides. Valentina finds herself gawking at the pokemon walking past, a clefairy in the arms of it’s owner, an Alohan persian happily prancing by its owner. It’s very shocking for someone who's grown up with this all being inside a handheld console, and Valentina stares at it all for a few minutes, completely dumbfounded. Sasha squeaking at her from the end of the street is the only thing that catches her attention.

    She walks towards the lion pokemon, awestruck with the world she's fallen into.
     
    Last edited: Jul 3, 2017
  7. Cutlerine

    Cutlerine Gone. Not coming back.

    I see the 'back of a truck' idea went down well, then. :p I think you did a good job here, considering the information you were given to go on in the chat – it couldn't have been easy to figure out what to do with all of it. And it's cool as well that you're going for a variety of different responses to being suddenly catapulted into an alternate dimension; I guess I should've expected it, given how many people you're throwing into Poké!Canada, but somehow I didn't, so that was a nice surprise.

    It's intriguing too that everyone appears to be being set up for their journey by the mysterious interdimensional kidnappers in slightly different ways. Valentina certainly seems to have been given less to go on; Roule got a bag full of cash and a computer, and she got a bit of paper. It'll be interesting to see how exactly she manages to get anywhere without the money for supplies or transport – and also to see what you plan to do to everyone else, given that clearly there's some variation here.

    I mentioned that you had a couple of typos earlier, and rereading to review I found a few more: in the penultimate paragraph, you have an 'Alohan persian', and in the paragraph above it, you've got 'it;s'. Other than that, I guess I still don't have too much to say. There's not much of a plot yet, but given the premise of this story, I suppose it would be a bit much to expect one to emerge right away: you have a lot of characters to introduce, although maybe you're planning to start introducing them alongside plot events happening to already-established characters, skipping over their initial warping-in to Nordec. I don't know! It's all so exciting.
     
  8. Bay

    Bay YEAHHHHHHH

    I've enjoyed the first two chapters you have here so far. Looks like the trainers (us) being introduced so far are in this "we're all sucked into the Pokeworld" scenario, so I'm interested how you'll excecute it here. The PokeCanada you have going on also I think will be fun to explore. Already I'm liking how you have the Pokemon interacted with Roule and Valentina there, should be fun seeing the other Pokemon.
     
  9. Chibi Pika

    Chibi Pika Stay positive

    And thus, ZeroGravity’s Nordec journey begins! I think the fun thing about this chapter is contrasting the reactions to showing up in the Pokémon world (and this will probably be fun for all the characters, even if their actual appearance isn’t shown because lol there’s a lot of characters.) Valentina is a lot less freaked out, and starts out more wary of some kind of prank, and then hopeful when it seems like she really might be in the Pokemon world after all.

    Sasha certainly is wild! Valentina's gonna have her hands full, that's for sure. I wonder what a Litleo cub was doing in a shipping truck in Unova, anyway? She must have come from pretty far away.

    Also… fake Russian accent and her subsequent hope that there’s a Poke-Russia in this world was the best. :p

    ~Chibi~;249;;448;
     
  10. DreamSayer

    DreamSayer Name's Adam.

    I decided to do away with the generic one liner i left and make a proper review for this story. First things first, i already like the characters of Roule and Valentina was it? I preferred the first chapter because it had a more sense of mystery and intrigue behind it. This character just wakes up in the in a snowy environment without any information other than the bag full of cash she found. Your descriptions of her approaching hypothermia and frostbite were spot on. I found it odd that she wasn't more suspecting of that random rhyhorn that was following her. I don't know about you, but i sure as hell would run as fast as i can if that thing starts trotting its way towards me. Trust no one, am i right? She was told to find the others at the end. Who are the others? and why does she need to find them? what is this special adventure? most importantly, who's behind all of this?

    Chapter two was kinda short and like i said, i honestly preferred the first one. Although, i did get a kick out of the part she faked the Russian accent, albeit it felt random. There was also that random litleo that was trying to eat her for breakfast. I felt that scene wasn't quite as terrifying as it should've been. Just try watching any videos of a lion assaulting a human and you'll see what i'm talking about. I wonder if the pokemon regions in this story are going to be exact copies of real world locations only that they're named after pokemon related locations. In any case, this story looks like a lot of fun and i cannot wait to see where this is all leading too.

    One last thing though. Are you making a chapter for every character's introduction? Or are you going to give some grouped character introductions? What i'm trying to say is that if you make a single whole chapter for every character, there'll way too many chapters before the actual story begins. I'm not telling you to rush anything up, i'm merely advising you to start things going before people lose interest somewhere along the lines.
     
  11. roule

    roule take it all or leave it... I Feel You

    Sorry this took so long folks! My finals feel like forever ago, but I spent most of the time after Chapter 2 studying for chemistry (which i passed!! woo), so I hit a roadblock writing this chapter, trying to get back in the swing of things.

    Anyways, I'm appreciating the reviews I'm getting so far, especially the ones telling me about my spelling mistakes (Never trust Google Doc's autocorrect!). I really liked Dream's comments about last chapter's length, and I worked hard to make this one not too short!

    And now, without further ado:




    3.

    DREAMSAYER / DELIRIOUSABSOL / BAY

    The first thing that Dream hears when he regains consciousness, is a loud growling noise, like some sort of dog. It’s not very close, but not far away either. Like a few paces, perhaps.

    He’s lying on something hard, cheek pressing against something rough, almost like a road or walkway of sorts. Which is funny, because he remembers clearly falling into his warm, soft bed after writing for a bit and tiring himself out. Did he suddenly start sleepwalking, and went straight to sleep after wandering onto a road? Groggily, he opens his eyes and sits up, blinking his eyes rapidly.

    He’s kneeling on some stretch of pavement in the middle of the night, in between two large buildings. The disgustingly sweet smells of trash and piss waft through the air, and Dream wrinkles his nose and groans in disgust. The urge to get away from the smell almost sends him away, but he stops at the sight of three human-like figures nearby, and what looks like a dog with horns between the three. Wait…? Horns…? It’s probably just the dark playing tricks on his eyes.

    He hears a voice, gruff, low, and angry, address one of the figures:

    “...Listen, smartass. You could either give us the cash, or you could be broiled alive by Cerberus over here. Which do you choose?”

    Dream swallows painfully, fighting the very tempting urge to bail out of there immediately, and leave a Dream-shaped pile of dust where he once laid. There’s no way that this isn’t a mugging or some sort of crime, and to his best knowledge, he doesn’t have any cash on him. So he’ll probably get ‘broiled alive’. However, if he just gets up and runs, the mugger could use ‘Cerberus’ against him.

    Speaking of which… what was ‘Cerberus’? Some sort of gun? A flamethrower? Dream has to stifle a laugh at the thought of some dude lugging around a bulky flamethrower, one with a name, to mug people with. The dog between them seems likely, but ‘broiled alive’ rings in his mind. A dog burning someone alive? That only happens in video games!

    Shaking those thoughts off, Dream focuses on the situation at hand. Slowly and somewhat silently, he crawls away, looking back. Behind him, there’s a section of the street visible, people walking past in a blur, and cars blasting their horns. If he can just get over there…

    “Hey! You over there!”

    Dream freezes, squinting at the figures, one of them turns towards him, but he cannot make out his face. The dog, ‘Cerberus’ he assumes, walks forward, sniffing at the ground.

    He tries his best to make himself smaller.

    “The **** you doing, man?”

    “I-I…” he stutters, before taking a deep breath in. “I’m lost. I must’ve… went from my…”

    Dream trails off when one of the assailants walks over to him, and he suddenly feels a jolt of fear. Not just terror, just the primal revulsion that practically screams ‘this isn’t right, this isn’t how humans look’ in his mind, sending a jolt of fear down his spine.

    The… thing in front of him is around the same height of a normal human, but its face is much shorter, much rounder. He can’t see it’s mouth, it’s green ‘hair’ in the way, curving around it’s impossibly thin neck. It’s body is slim and feminine, but a large, red object pokes through its chest.

    It’s a pokemon.

    A real one.

    Suddenly, ‘broiled alive’ doesn’t sound like a joke.

    The pokemon, a gardevoir to be specific, glares at him with bright red eyes, before it turns to the other figure. It crosses its arms in annoyance, before speaking telepathically to its owner:

    He doesn’t seem to be a threat.

    “How can you tell?”

    I don’t think he has a pokemon.

    “You ‘think’?” the man exclaims, and Dream swears he hears him thump his foot down. “What do you mean you ‘think’?”

    Can’t tell. Doesn’t look he has a pokeball on him, so it seems like he wouldn't have a pokemon either.

    “So? The **** are you standing around for, then?”

    The gardevoir turns its head to face the other figure. From what Dream can see of him, he’s stiff with anger. He feels his stomach drop as he inches away slowly, trying to be as subtle as possible.

    Seems pointless attacking some kid who got lost.

    “Do I look like I ****ing care?? Are you getting soft or something, Daria?”

    I’m not getting ****ing soft! Jesus-

    The gardevoir turns to face Dream, but at this point, he’s long gone. He’s sprinting up the alleyway as fast as he can, not bothering to look back. If he just gets onto the sidewalk and puts enough distance between them, he’ll be able to get away without burning alive.

    The fact that pokemon were suddenly real, that he was probably in the pokemon universe actually, was terrifying to Dream. Pokemon were powerful creatures that could warp elements to their own desires, lift cars above their heads, and crush the spines of unsuspecting humans. Who could say that a pokemon wouldn’t try to do that to him? People in the real world, the one with animals, die because of large exotic animals all the time, and now they had superpowers, and anyone could control them to boot! He needs to stay away...

    Thankfully, when Dream nearly keels over from exhaustion, bending over to stop his head from throbbing with pain, he can’t see them. He’s safe, for now. But, he’s also stuck in what appears to be a large city with no idea of how he got there, or where to go next for that matter.

    So, he just follows the crowd of people going about their daily business, their chatter becoming white noise instead of actual words. Maybe, if he follows them, he’ll end up somewhere where it’s warm. Even though he’s wearing a heavy green coat, a blue scarf, gloves, and thick trousers, the nighttime cold still bites at him, and he craves something warm. Like hot chocolate or tea or a big pot of soup, something like that.

    As he’s walking down another block, hopelessly lost, Dream spots a tiny little purple bunny-like animal, a male nidoran, shivering by the side of a storefront. He stops in his tracks, and looks back at the little thing. It notices him, turns to him with big, pleading, doe eyes, and crawls closer to him. The nidoran hunches low to the ground, trying desperately to keep warm against the harsh winter winds blowing everyone else around. Silently, and with a hand over his chin, Dream weighs his options.

    He could leave it alone, ultimately to most likely freeze to death. Pokemon, even at this size, were dangerous. The nidoran could potentially poison him if he tries to pick it up, if the pokedex entries in the game were to be correct, and he’d die a horrible and painful death because of it. Dream shudders softly at the thought.

    However, he could also keep it with him. If pokemon were destructive and extremely powerful, like in the games, wouldn’t he want one to fight for him? To protect him? It seems like a rational choice, and to be honest, Dream feels pretty bad about leaving the defenseless animal to freeze to death.

    So, Dream goes with the latter choice. He slowly approaches the nidoran, kneeling down to make himself as unthreatening as possible. The rabbit pokemon practically runs into his arms, snuggling into the warmth of his jacket. Dream smiles softly as he stands up, unravels his scarf, and wraps it around the shivering pokemon so he can keep warm. The nidoran makes a soft squeaking noise as Dream starts his aimless wandering again.

    As he reaches the end of the street, he spots a somewhat small, yellow, seed-like creature poking it’s head out from the mouth of a nearby alleyway. It looks over at Dream with big, black eyes, and a frown on it’s face, before it hops away. Dream turns from the crowd and follows the small thing, curious about it. If it does attack him, well, he has a pokemon to fight it with, even though it’s currently shivering in his arms.

    The alleyway is narrow and winding, concrete walls caging the three in. Posters for a pokemon tournament three years too late and graffiti tags line them, but Dream doesn’t dwell on them too much. He’s busy chasing the hopping pokemon, which is surprisingly fast, several paces ahead. It’s a little humiliating to be slower than a seed of all things, so he speeds up a little, jogging at this point.

    He’s about to reach the seed at the other end of the alley when he hears a voice, and stops in his tracks.

    “Summer! What are you doing?”

    A woman, dark hair obscured by a hood with cat ears, wearing a dark coat over a hoodie, peeks out from the corner. She looks at Dream with wide eyes, and inches back a little. Summer turns towards its owner, then back to him.

    “Who...Who are you?” she asks, and Dream swallows.

    “I… uh… I’m Dream,” he responds, itching at his wrist. The nidoran continues to shiver in his arms. “I’m kinda lost...”

    The woman squints at him, examining him closely.

    “Did you… Are you from… the real world?” she asks, and Dream gapes at her.

    “...Are you?”

    “Yeah,” The woman says, stepping forward somewhat. Summer hops to the side. “I’m guessing that you are, too.”

    Dream nods, and is about to say something before another girl, short and with dark hair as well, walks over to them.

    “Who’s this, Del?” the woman asks with wide eyes, and a gray, humanoid pokemon walks beside her, chest up high and looking very smug. A timburr, his mind exclaims.

    “He’s like us,” Del grins to the other woman, who looks at her with a quizzical look. “Another one from the real world!” The other woman looks over at him with a sympathetic glance, and gestures to him to come forward.

    The alleyway opens up to a small, rundown cobblestone square. The two women have set up a makeshift bonfire burning in the center, surrounded by broken down benches with black paint peeling off, revealing metal. A door to one of the surrounding buildings is open, and when Dream peeks in, he sees a rotting, empty apartment building with two bright red sleeping bags in it. He swears he sees some sort of bug crawl up the patchy walls very slowly, maybe a large cockroach of some kind?

    “So,” Del says, slapping a hand on Dream’s shoulder. She points to the circle of benches. “How about we talk about our predicament over there?”

    “Sure.” Dream nods, walking over and setting the nidoran down by the fire, before sitting down.

    About ten minutes later, the three of them have all shared their stories between sips of chicken noodle soup.

    Del woke up in this universe two days earlier, in a cargo box on a train. The only thing that she was given was a backpack with cans of soup, a pot, and three rolled up sleeping bags. When the train stopped, she sneaked off and ended up in the city of ‘Etobicoke’. She found Summer in an old abandoned greenhouse by the square, and later settled down here.

    The other woman, Bay, found herself in a subway station only yesterday, sprawled across one of the metal benches with Drake, her timburr, tugging at her shirt. She was kicked out of the station and thrown on the street, where she wandered until she got forced into a battle with some kid with a meowth around where they were now, mostly beacause Drake wanted to show off his strength to his trainer. Del had spotted the two fighting, and ended up having to break it up. After the fight, Bay had told her that she had nowhere to stay, and Del had inferred the rest, and let her stay with her.

    “So,” Del says, her fingers tapping against her chin. “None of us remember anything about how we got here, right?”

    Bay and Dream nod. He looks down to see the nidoran curled up by the fire, no longer shivering. A smile grows on his face.

    “...So, we don’t have answers,” she says glumly, crossing her arms. “We don’t know why we’re here. In the pokemon world.”

    “Well,” Dream hypothesizes, stretching his arms in front of the fire. “I doubt we’re here without, like, a purpose.”

    “But what is our purpose?” Del asks, looking over at him with wide eyes.

    “Maybe… we need to solve a mystery or something…?”

    “A mystery?” Del laughs, and Summer looks up at her, blinking it’s beady eyes. She attempts to reach down and pet it, but it hops away. “Like a murder or something?”

    “Maybe, a grand heist or something.” Bay chimes in, Drake resting by his owner’s side, resting his arms on the piece of lumber above his head.

    “No,” he shakes his head, staring intently into the fire. “I think it would be more than that… Something bigger, perhaps.”

    “But, how could we know? Other than that bag you got… we don’t really have much to go on, do we?”

    “Well, you never know,” Del laughs, resting her head against the bench. “I just hope we get the answers we need, soon.”

    As if on cue, they jump at the sound of a somewhat loud noise of something landing on the hard ground, sort of like a ‘flump’. The humans and their pokemon scramble up, and search around the little square for whatever it was. The nidoran finds it first, sniffing at a large, black duffel bag close by one of the walls. Dream walks over to it, and finds that it has three large tags on it’s handles. The tags have each of their names, written in thick, black marker. Del zips the bag open, and finds that it’s full of what appears to travel brochures for ‘Lake Frontenac’. A white slip of paper sticks out between two of these brochures.

    Dream pulls the both of them out, and is met with messages written in the same thick marker, reading:

    “YOUR JOURNEY BEGINS”


    “THE LAKE IS KEY”


    After Dream squints at these notes, hoping for a deeper meaning by staring hard at them, he passes them around to Bay and Del. There is a moment of awkward silence between them, as they let the information (or the lack of it) sink in, before Del speaks:

    “That’s not what I meant by answers!”
     
    Last edited: Jul 3, 2017
  12. DreamSayer

    DreamSayer Name's Adam.

    Review for Chapter 3

    The third chapter is relatively okay. It's nice you're introducing multiple characters now, so there won't be several prologues before the plot actually starts. I'm still curious to know how you're going to balance out the large roster of characters this story is going to have. You'll probably pull it off right.

    So dare, the mysterious entity that brought them to the pokemon world remains ambiguous. I can't say a lot about the characters introduced in this chapter since we don't really know a lot about them. What strikes me as curious is the fact that everyone sent to the pokemon world has foreknowledge of the games already. I know Pokemon is popular and all, but that seems like a huge coincidence. perhaps it's not a coincidence at all!

    Regardless, I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
     
  13. DeliriousAbsol

    DeliriousAbsol Call me Del

    Nope, that would not be what I meant by answers XD Awesome chapter! Coincidentally ended up with three sleeping bags, huh? Also, Canada sounds cold... Not sure I want to go there any more. Surprised Summer hasn't frozen to death.

    Couldn't see anything major that needs correcting. Wondering now if the guy at the start of Chapter Three has a major part to play, or was just some random thug. Hmm...
     
  14. Bay

    Bay YEAHHHHHHH

    I think introducing more characters by having a few of them meet each other instead of one by one works better because, yeah, this story will have a big cast and the plot needs to get the ball rolling. Dreamer's introduction is the most intense yet with him almost being boiled there. I'm ok with me being kicked out of the subway and my timburr gotten himself in a conflict, heh. I chuckled at Del's reaction to that vague prophecy there.
     
  15. Chibi Pika

    Chibi Pika Stay positive

    Heyy, the others are right, introducing three characters at once definitely helped liven things up. ^^ I'm wondering if, at some point they'll start to figure out what they all have in common now that they know that they're not alone in being transported to the Pokemon world (basically, I'm wondering if the fact that they're all writers will be significant.) But yeah, someone/something definitely has a plan for them. Also, Del's ending line was hilarious. xD

    Next chapter is Firebrand and Dog! That should be interesting! Until next time~

    ~Chibi~;249;;448;
     
  16. Cutlerine

    Cutlerine Gone. Not coming back.

    Man, Roule really got lucky, huh? Everyone else gets soup or flyers or nothing at all and she gets a computer and a whole bunch of money. :p She's buying coffee and doughnuts while Del, Bay and Dream are squatting in an abandoned apartment building.

    Speaking of whom, I think moving from one character introduced to three was a good decision: you got much more opportunity for dialogue that isn't just "what do you mean this isn't the real world?" and a chance to develop your characters and the mystery of why any of them are here with it. A big potential pitfall for a story with a giant cast is to spend so long setting up and introducing them that it never seems to get around to the actual plot. Getting a few characters in at a time -- maybe even introducing some en route to their destination in future -- is a good way to avoid that.

    Finally, this chapter is a lot freer of minor typos and things than previous ones, which is great to see. Nicely done all around, really!
     
  17. JX Valentine

    JX Valentine Ever-Discordant

    Finally getting around to this! 8)

    In any case, to start things off, I must say this was a lot more serious than I thought it would be. Not that that’s a bad thing, of course—rather the opposite! It’s interesting to see what you’ve done with our characters and how quickly **** has been turning real. I mean, you’ve only gotten three chapters in, and we’ve already gotten mysterious notes, black duffel bags, multiple crime scenes—the whole works, tbqh. One can only wonder where you’re gonna go from here.

    Of the three chapters, though, I kinda thought the second was the strongest. Besides the fact that I love the idea of parodying Gen III’s opening, there’s also the fact that Valentina’s/ZeroGravity’s confusion just felt highlighted by these dark, cramped quarters of a flippin’ cargo truck, where there’s an inexplicable litleo running around.

    (I thought that was odd, actually—how pokémon just happened to be there for their partners. On the one hand, that’s very Digimon, so I almost buy it, but on the other, looking at, say, Roule’s rhyhorn and Dream’s nidoran, who they obtained by stumbling across them and going, “Hey, wanna come with me?” … I don’t know. It feels very convenient somehow.)

    But back to the second chapter, it basically achieves what every good fic about people falling into the Pokémon world sets out to do. It’s quick and fast-paced, but it centers completely on the main character scrambling to understand where she is, what’s going on, and how to avoid getting caught by the authorities. (Apparently, the best way to do that last one is with a fake Russian accent, which I thought was honestly the best moment of the fic so far ngl.) But unlike other fics, where the main character is just kinda dropped in a nice, secluded area to give them enough time to figure things out, Valentina’s in a compromising, dangerous position right off the bat. So it’s just, in general, exciting to watch.

    Granted, Roule kinda was too with the whole storm (the literal screaming to the heavens was a nice touch, to be honest), but I don’t know. Somehow, the idea of Valentina having to contend with other human beings so quickly because she was dropped in the wrong place at the wrong time made her chapter more dynamic and memorable. Not that, well, waking up in a literal snowstorm wasn’t either, of course. It’s nice to see you nearly kill us off right off the bat, in other words. 8)

    Still, conversely, I kinda found Dream’s entrance a bit weak. After having seen essentially the same thing twice, it did get a bit old, and I kinda feel like given your list of characters, it’d be nice to vary it up a bit. Sure, Dream was dropped into a robbery (making me think that the godlike voice is a jerk), but, like … third one in a row, yanno?

    Additionally, I’m not so sure about Bay and Del’s intro. Like … for one, the bit about how long they’ve spent in this world and what they’ve been doing is a bit of an infodump, especially since it glosses over Bay’s first battle via summary. It’s definitely possible to bring in a character sometime after they’ve fallen into the Pokémon world, but I think that if you do explain their presence in the world (how long they’ve been there, what they’ve been doing, etc.), it might feel slightly more natural to do it in a chapter that’s focused on them. Sure, you’d still have to put in extra work to bring up their character history in a way that’s natural (via natural transitions and all), but the problem at the moment is that the chapter is actually focusing on Dream, rather than Dream and Del and Bay. So consequently, this summary of how long Del and Bay have been around and what they’ve been doing feels more like it’s expressing essential info in as compact and brief a manner as possible so the action can go back to Dream.

    (Also, as a side note, how did Del know that Dream was from the real world? He could, for all she knew, actually literally be lost. I mean, it’s not entirely unusual for a canon character to lack a sense of direction.)

    But! I still give you mad props for writing a fic based on actual people on the Discord. As critical as I am here, it’s still a lot of fun to see “us” struggle with shenanigans, and for the most part, despite the fact that you’re basically doing a SYOC on steroids, you’ve pulled off shenanigans in fascinating ways so far. (I mean, fake Russian accent for Maximum Distraction. That’s beautiful.) Plus, I’m heavily intrigued by the jerkface mysterious voice. I mean, pulling people into this world? Barely explaining jack? Luring them to a lake as if this was one giant puzzle? Clearly, this fic is going places, and it’s going places fast. And, of course, it’s just downright fun to see familiar names deal with that.

    That said, not quite sure how far on your back-burner this is, but I do hope you come back to it eventually. If only to send half of the Discord out on the world’s worst reality television show. Through Canada. >8)
     
  18. roule

    roule take it all or leave it... I Feel You

    Hey folks, just a quick update on the fic. After a few months to think, I will not be continuing All Mon Are Brothers in any form. This is due to a multitude of reasons, including personal issues, struggles with the setting and characters, the fact that it was probably one of my weakest fics, and most importantly, it became a chore to write. It was an ambitious project that really would’ve only worked if I did all the chapters in the same week I planned it.

    I appreciate the enthusiasm, and I’m sorry that it couldn’t be for a more fruitful project. All of my other fics will continue, however.

    Thank you, as always.
     

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