ok new plan because i REALLY REALLY WANNA USE NICO OK MY S O N
Name: Nicolas Michael Vespero (Birthname: Sienna Maria Michaela Vespero)
Gender: Male, transboy
Age: 18
Year: Fourth
Theme Song: Troubled Child // Journey
Link to Spotify Playlist. (Comprised of Journey, AC/DC, Rise Against, Metallica, Bring Me the Horizon, etc. Mostly 80s - mid 00s.)
Class: Katastrophea
Arcana: I DON'T KNOW Death
Abilities: SOMETHING The card of death is not necessarily physical death -- rather the end of things, change, transformation. As such, Nico...
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Transformation: Nico can transform into creatures of dark omens. These include ravens, crows, black dogs, black cats, a black stallion, a rabbit for some reason... etc. The bigger the creature and the longer he stays transformed, the more energy.
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Your Standard Destructive Powers: Because destroying stuff means the end of stuff. So he can pull AWESOME BLACK MAGICKY STUFF around his hands and either use it as bolts or make it into claws and destroy stuff. Yas. More power = more energy.
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I've Been Thinking All These Visions Must Be A Sign So Hold On And Don't Let Go: He has a tendency to see "visions" of stuff being destroyed or hallucinations of things changing. With some energy, he can give these visions and hallucinations to others too.
Masquerading as: A GOTDAM FOOL Demi-God of Fate
Appearance: After two years of hormone replacement therapy, it is very difficult to tell that Nico was born female. Nigh impossible, even, unless he takes off his clothes in front of you. Nico is a medium height, about 5'6", and has a very lean build to him. He has two-years-of-testosterone-and-training kind of muscles, still somewhat new and smooth but a force to be reckoned with, with sturdy calves, forearms, and upper arms. His thighs are still pretty thick, much to Nico's dismay, but it's fat and muscle, so it's not too bad. His skin is a beautiful bronze from part heritage, part sunlight. It's a little dryer than most, especially on his knuckles, which are prone to cracking and bleeding. He has a small adam's apple, which he is very proud of (but only in secret). Even before testosterone, he was blessed with a sharp and edged facial structure, and it became more prominent with the loss of fat in his cheeks. He has a strong jaw, strong brow, and prominent cheekbones, and his nose is slim and straight. His hair is a dark brown with black undertones, and he spikes up his bangs whenever possible. The back and sides of his head are shaved short, showing off a squared hairline, and when left down his bangs fall above his eyebrows a bit. He keeps himself clean shaven, though he's known to change it up every now and then, just to prove he can grow facial hair. Though his body is primarily shaded in tones of brown, his eyes are a bright and striking baby blue. His ears are pierced, and he keeps black studs through his earlobes and a black ring through his upper left cartilage. His lower left lip is pierced, and there's a black stud through that. Though on the outside he looks perfectly masculine, and even if he took only his shirt off you'd still have doubts, he hides B-cup breasts under a binder.
His clothing is kept very simple. He often wears muscle tanks to both hide a binder and show off biceps, and they're usually either band merch or some shade of gray. He really only ever wears dark jeans -- either skinny jeans or only slightly loose jeans, you'll never catch him in anything baggy. Ever. his jeans are usually scuffed and torn because of how he lives his life. He'll wear shorts every now and then, but it's not a huge part of his style. He wears gray converse nearly all the time, and if he's not wearing those, he's wearing black combat boots, again fairly scuffed because of life. He prefers functionality over fashion, the clothes he wears all fit into the categories of "I can fight in this" and "this hides any sort of curve left on my mostly curveless body." He does occasionally wear a pair of blue headphones around his neck. Under his shirt he wears a white half binder (covers the chest, but doesn't go down to the hips).
He can always be found wearing three pieces of jewelry: a thick celtic knot ring on his left middle finger, a thin banded ring on his right middle finger, and a corded crucifix necklace.
He
can dress up, put on makeup, take off the binder, etc., and still pass as female. He'd rather not do this, but he can do it.
Personality: Nico is the moment a bomb goes off. Every part of him is big and loud and hot. His emotions run very high, no matter the feeling. He is passionate about everything, and every argument is enough to get worked up over, because everything means something to this kid. He has an incredibly short temper, however, and his passion can flare into fury easily. He's known to get into fist fights over a lot of things, and often comes home with bruises and bloodied knuckles. He ends up being very sensitive inwardly and can be very insensitive outwardly. He says what he means, and when it comes to his head. He has no impulse control, and ends up making a lot of stupid mistakes by running off of his anger. To make matters worse, he's incredibly stubborn, and will stand for his beliefs no matter what. His emotional outbursts tend to be loud and very violent. He's very confident in his masculinity, and if you dare question it, you've got another thing coming. Nico is masculine as hell and will fight you on it. He wants to be powerful, and will not be seen as weak.
Justice is what drives Nico -- or rather, Nico's version of justice is what drives Nico. He doesn't want innocent people to get hurt, and gets very angry when injustices are committed. You should never hurt an innocent, it's alright to hurt someone only if it's justified. He is vengeful, and holds a grudge until the price has been paid. It's very difficult for him to forgive, even when all has been atoned for. He's very protective of those he loves, and when he loves, he loves deeply. If he cares about someone, he gives them all he has. Deep down, he's a good kid. He has good intentions. He just wants to see the world work together, and it pains him that people hurt others and get away with it. It's this sadness that fuels his anger. It bleeds into everything, and he can get very explosive even with minor inconveniences. Nico has a decent sense of humor, and likes being around people. He wants to be loved. He wants to fit in and have friends. He wants acceptance.
Nico hates being so angry. He's angry at his own anger, and tends to take it out on himself. He hates feeling so out of control. He's reckless and self-destructive, and doesn't care what happens to him. He so desperately wants a handle on his life, but that feeling seems to go away when he gets into one of his moods. Once he's calmed down, his mistakes hit him like a train, and it
hurts. He punishes himself internally, berating himself until he's numb. He's terrified of abandonment and losing who he is. He's scared one day he's going to severely hurt someone he loves, and he'll never be able to make it up to them. Nico doesn't know what's wrong with him, he wants to be better, but doesn't know how. He knows he's getting worse, which makes him angry, which makes him angry about being angry. It's a downward spiral, and he feels trapped and stuck.
[Nico has Borderline Personality Disorder and doesn't know it. He also has processing issues, and it can take him a moment to process auditory signals into useful information. Noisy environments make it worse.]
Nico is very outgoing, and when he's not being wrathful, he's a good person to be around. He enjoys making and listening to music. His favorite things to listen to are Journey, Bring Me the Horizon, Genesis, Metallica... lots of rock n roll, especially 80s rock. (He has a soft spot in his heart for Lady Gaga though,
Judas is one of his favorite songs.) He plays the violin very well, and loves its delicate sound. He's very athletic, and likes soccer games and going for long runs. He's known for fist fighting under anger, but he does enjoy a good match with friends, as long as the other person's okay with it. He loves math, and staying up way too late looking at memes on the internet. He's become a pretty decent programmer by screwing around with making websites, and takes pride in his various tumblr blog themes. He doesn't mind if he gets flack for being Catholic -- that's what he believes in, that's what he will believe in. (This whole gods/demi-gods thing has to be nonsense). He is empathetic, and very caring. Nico is brave, and won't back down in the face of danger, especially if it means protecting people he loves. He loves pokemon and he loves his friends and he loves light and he loves
love. And he wants to protect that love.
History: Nico was born in the Italian countryside, to parents Cynthia and Lovino Vespero. They were very Catholic, and Nico was baptized as Sienna Maria Vespero. Two years later, Cynthia gave birth to another girl, Cecilia, and quickly the two children became close friends. The Vesperos were well off, Lovino was a working man in a high paying job, and Cynthia was born into a family of wealth. Unfortunately, Cynthia and Lovino's marriage was tempest tossed, and the two never stopped fighting. Lovino was very harsh in his dealings, not very loving at all, and Cynthia hated it to no end. One day, shortly before Nico's third birthday, Cynthia disappeared, with only a note that her wealth would go solely to her two children. Lovino was angered, but kept her wishes, and split her money evenly between Nico and Cecilia.
Lovino was not a loving caregiver. He believed in strictness and being harsh, that being soft with a child wouldn't get you anywhere. From a young age Nico and Cecilia were constantly berated for every tiny mistake, Lovino's voice splintering every soft part you could find. They went to mass
every Sunday, not a day was missed no matter what, and it became somewhat of a haven for the two children -- no one could yell at them in church. Lovino wasn't nearly as harsh on Cecilia, after all, she was two years younger, but there was also a bit of anger directed at Nico. Lovino wanted a first born son, he wanted
a son, and instead he got two daughters. Nico, as sensitive as he was, easily picked up on this anger. He knew he was a disappointment to his father, but he didn't understand why. He got good grades in elementary school, he (mostly) got along with the other kids, he had just started the violin like his father said to, and he and his sister were the picture perfect children.
All through elementary school, however, Nico always felt off. He hated dresses, he hated having to be with the girls all the time, he hated long hair and makeup and pink and he didn't know why. It angered him, that he was never like any of the other girls. He found himself flaring up more and more often, getting angry over things he didn't think he'd have to be angry over. He didn't understand why he kept getting hit over tiny little things, why he was called a "stupid little girl" over and over again for one step out of place, why he felt so out of place. He got into his first fistfight in third grade. All the other boy said was "stupid little girl," and everything snapped. Nico couldn't help himself. He decked the other boy so hard, pouring his anger and rage into his fists.
Their small city in the countryside was fairly sheltered, add to that a heavily Catholic father, Nico and Cecilia didn't know much anything about the outside world. Shortly after Nico's first fight, Lovino was given a new job opportunity in Rome. The move really opened both children's eyes. Things changed. Middle school and puberty was hell for Nico. He knew exactly what was changing in his body, but he hated all of it. Lovino slowly got worse, and while he never got Catherine Pelzer abusive, it was the slow and steady stream of anger and hatred that filled the house. Nico soaked it all up. Cecilia, sweet, charming Cecilia, seemed to repulse it. While many children in Nico and Cecilia's financial group went to various private schools, Lovino enrolled the two in a local public school. In all honesty, Nico and Cecilia were perfectly fine with this, and they found a far better group of friends. Nico's fighting problem seemed to get worse, but no matter. In 6th grade, Nico began to get ready for his confirmation, but in going to public school, you're introduced to concepts you'd never hear in a Catholic country or from a Catholic father.
Concepts like "homosexual" and "transgender."
Though he knew his church would never accept him, he couldn't help but feel drawn to that second concept. It held the answers. It told him why he felt like he would break down whenever he had to wear a dress. It told him why his hips and breasts screamed at him in the mirror, telling him they were Wrong. These concepts told him why in the dead of night, his sister confessed that she didn't understand why the other girls thought boys were attractive, and did you see how pretty Kendall Jenner is? But there are things that can only be confessed in the dead of night. Suddenly, Nico knew everything, but he was scared. What would anyone think? He'd be hated. Cecilia could get hurt. Neither of these things could happen. Nico went into denial about everything, and threw himself into studies of academia and the gospel, and beating the living daylights out of those who questioned him. At his confirmation, he chose Michaela as his saint name. St. Michael had always inspired him as a protector, and he wanted to be one of those.
But things tend to fall apart in these kinds of situations.
Nico found himself getting furious over the tiniest things, and, to his horror, he found himself becoming like his father. He felt awful, trying to tell himself that everything he felt was a lie, that he was wrong, that he wasn't really feeling it. It was only in mid-8th grade when he accidentally confided in a good friend of his that he realized he wasn't evil. That he was just... the way he was. God didn't hate him, and he shouldn't hate him either. He chose the name Nicolas on impulse, and hearing "Nico" seemed to soothe his crying heart.
High school was
fun for Nico. Orchestra was fun. Wrestling was fun. Skipping class with friends was fun. He loved the attention! He began to dress neutrally like his friends, and listen to his friends' music like they did. The only not so fun part was handling the principal after getting into yet another fight, and handling his dad afterwards. The tensions between Lovino and Nico were soon hitting a breaking point, until the angry father/passive child dynamic shattered. The tension snapped and both parties knew Nico had control. Lovino never thought his own child would strike at him, but it happened. All of Nico's rage and anger of being mistreated and ignored came flooding out, and it was clear who had the stronger will. The answer is they both did. Lovino was set in his ways, and refused to stop what he thought was the correct way to raise a child. Nico reflected his mother's kinder side, but had a sharpened edge like his father. In one of their fights, when Nico was 14-almost-15, Nico (angrily) explained everything to Lovino. He made it clear that he was never to be called a girl ever again, that his name was
Nicolas Michael Vespero, and he will be addressed as such. That he will never be wearing a dress ever again. That he will be undergoing hormone replacement therapy, and if he had to do it legally or illegally he didn't care. Lovino, although angry with Nico's outburst, was admittedly intrigued at the prospect of a son, even if Nico would never truly be a son in the church's eyes.
And thus, Nico found himself taking testosterone shots, every other Tuesday. In Nico's eyes, he had basically won. He was 15, and even though Lovino kept hitting them as he pleased, Nico didn't care. He got what he wanted. And he knew that Lovino knew that Nico could take him down at any time. At this point, putting up with his father was more of a game, a trial of endurance, proof that he could do anything. Who cares if he got hurt? He was
alive.
Poor, poor Cecilia was not.
Though her older brother, now out and enjoying himself, continued to love his faith, Cecilia felt trapped. There was no way to escape her feelings. Unlike Nico, however, Cecilia knew how to hide everything about her. She had her first girlfriend in 7th grade, hidden from sight on both ends of the scale. Cecilia didn't even confide in her brother, who she'd tell everything to. She knew she'd have to leave her faith if she wanted to keep going like this. Maybe Nico could, but she couldn't. She wasn't as strong. She was never as strong. She was soft and quiet and things hurt her. No one can know, no one can know.
And then they did. Somehow, Lovino found out about his daughter and her girlfriend. Everything shifted once more. What used to be a battle between aggressive father and aggressive son became a fight between aggressive father and sensitive daughter. Nico felt overwhelming hatred towards his father, not just because he began to hurt sweet, innocent Cecilia, but because that attention was
his. It was his job to be berated and pushed around and punished for small things! Not Cecilia! He wanted that attention back. His anger was off the wall, trying to get that attention back, tripping every wire, and yet... nothing. Nothing worked. He felt terrible. He knew he shouldn't be like this, that he had to do
something, but what? What could he do? His life was filled with anger and wrath, it seemed as though he could know no other emotion. Once more, Nico was faced with the shadow of being trapped. No way out.
Nico felt out of control. Everything felt out of his control, and he was angered. He was angry because his sister was hurting for no reason. That summer, they went back to the countryside, back to their old home. Nico prayed that maybe, just maybe, a calmer situation could help him get rid of everything that made him bad, that maybe with a clear head, he could rescue Cecilia. He could get attention back. He could save his sister! Everything would work perfectly.
Nico and Cecilia only spent one night in the room they shared, all those years ago. Nico was excited, it had been so long since they had been home, and he was excited to reminisce with his sister. Cecilia was happy for her brother, but there were darker thoughts on her mind. Nico noted that Cecilia seemed quieter than usual, but she shook it off, and soothed her brother, saying she was perfectly fine. They said goodnight, and turned off the light. And when they turned it back on, there was Cecilia, a prescription bottle in one hand and a note in the other.
The funeral services were beautiful. Nico gave a eulogy, and had to stop himself from crying. His sister was gone. Fourteen years of confiding in each other, fourteen years of her light, fourteen years of the only thing keeping everything from permanently shattering -- gone. Sure, it meant that his missing mother's riches now all belonged to him, but what does that matter when the light of your life is gone? When the person you knew you had to protect died right next to you? Cecilia was buried in a mountain cemetery, where she would never be hurt again, where she would never be held again.
That last day he was home is seared into Nico's mind. Sure, he had been impulsive in the past -- alcohol, fist fights, boys -- but never this impulsive. His heart ached still for the loss of his sister, and his head burned with hatred for his father. The note Cecilia held in her hand was simple. It said that she couldn't handle her father, that she was sorry and prayed for forgiveness, and to tell Nicolas and Katarina that she loved them. Nico blamed all of this on Lovino, and wanted to make sure he'd suffer. Fortunately for him, his father called him into his study. Wary, Nico confronted his father. Lovino told him that he was a being stronger than God himself, stronger than any god or goddess to ever be believed in. He was a katastrophea. He, Lovino Vespero, was the arcana of Death. And he was dying. The arcana needed a new host, and Nico would be the perfect candidate. All he needed was a sacrifice, and he had a perfect one. Him.
Nico didn't waste any time. The arcana made a quick shift, and it was all over for Lovino. Nico took a horrifying, vengeful pleasure in the destruction of his father. The arcana was pleased, this child would be
perfect.
He took his belongings from the house, his laptop, ipod, violin, clothes, scriptures... he didn't want much, he didn't want to remember this hellhole, so he only took what he needed. He had nothing left in Italy. His mother had left years ago, his sister was dead, and his father was finally good and gone. Anger pulsed through his system, shutting down any impulse control he had left.
And so, Nico set the stove on fire.
He watched the gas burn, dancing as it billowed up to the ceiling. It caught onto everything around it, slithering around the entire kitchen wall. He promptly walked out the door, hands in his pockets, playing with the fire alarm batteries he had taken out just earlier. No one would know that the Vespero house was on fire until the whole thing was alight, and Nico was gone. No one knew why it started, it was written off as an accident. But Nico knew. A part of him wishes he had stayed to watch the thing burned to ash.
And another part of him wished he had burned with it.
Nico spent a few weeks at a friend's house, before a letter requesting his presence at Amrita came through the mail. He didn't know how the hell they knew he was here, but it must be super important if he did. And so, he left Italy far behind him. He found his place at the school, and oh, Lord, what fools these Gods be...
Other: Nico is very Catholic, and uses it as a way to not go
completely flying off the handle. He has a rosary necklace that he keeps safe in a velvet pouch in his bag. Admittedly, he feels very alienated from his church -- being transgender and all -- but he refuses to give up his faith. He misses Sunday mass, and is his biggest problem moving to the school.
Nico likes boys, the end.
Nico speaks perfect Italian, speaks with an Italian accent, and yes, he talks with his hands.
Nico is totally okay with feeding. He's angry and volatile and a force to be reckoned with.