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Andro of the thousand surprises

armaldo

Pittsburgh Pirates 7th Super Bowl
Before I begin the story, I will post a short, thorough summary explaining all the mystical, weird magic parts of the story otherwise you'd be so baffled that you’d think I was dropped on my head.

A long time ago before music, hypnosis, & Hollywood, there was Rayquaza. During this time far back, there was control over fate & action, & there was much frolicking. In order to preserve the control over fate, actions, & frolicking, Rayquaza, using his legendary powers from beyond, created an emerald with a small ruby in the middle & a sapphire in the middle of the ruby.

This emerald is able to control inanimate objects & be able to do any possible thing with them. In order to use it, you have to focus on the object in sight & think of the thing you want it to do. With this emerald, Rayquaza hoped to strengthen the control over fate, actions, & frolicking.

Rayquaza kept the emerald sealed inside the Sky Pillar & only brought it out when he went on his weekly flight to maintain control. But on one stormy day, a large thunder bolt
struck Rayquaza in the hand holding the emerald & Rayquaza let it drop into the body of water between what is now Lilycove & Mossdeep city. Even though he is of being a legendary, mystical type poke’mon Rayquaza decided to wait till tomorrow due to the harsh weather conditions.

Being a magical item of control, the emerald was able to float like a cork & wash up on the shore of present-day Lilycove. It laid there gathering driftwood until an ancient sage by the name of Andro Zure I found the emerald while walking on the beach. After long periods of examining it, Andro ran to exchange what he had found or money, but before he did he went to his house to eat something because he had skipped lunch that day.

Even though he was a sage, Andro had once again locked the door from the inside without bringing his ancient key to unlock it. Jiggling the door handle violently he cursed
the door & wished the door would just fall down & let him in. The emerald he had in his hand glowed orange & the door fell down off its ancient hinges. While still holding the emerald & eating a piece of bread, Andro looked at his obnoxious neighbor’s house wishing it could move somewhere else. The emerald again glowed orange & his neighbor’s house started floating in the air & started flying to the horizon.

Rayquaza, after long days of searching for the emerald, discovered that Andro had it &
went to recover it, afraid that Andro would misuse it. Andro managed to fend Rayquaza off with the emerald, which he had placed on a small scepter. Eventually, Andro got married & had a kid which he named Andro Zure II. After the Andro Zure I died, he had given sole property of ‘his’ emerald upon the small scepter to Andro Zure II (Which Rayquaza had gone after as well). Then after Andro Zure II died, he gave the emerald to his son, Andro Zure III & Rayquaza chased him too & so-on & so-forth up until today of Andro Zure XII.

Andro Zure XII’s mother died when he was born & his father, Andro Zure XI, died when the XII was just 15. Andro Zure XII took up the family business, Hosting poke’mon battle tournaments. His father got rich from winning big money from the slot machines at a casino, probably because he used his mystical emerald to control the slots, but that’s another story.

Andro Zure XII had everything any big tycoon would have. Private jet, private helicopter, private sea liner, giant mansion, the whole deal. He even had his own island made especially for poke’mon tournaments (More into the island later in the story).

But Rayquaza had not realized Andro Zure XII had possession of the emerald because the
Andros he had fought were older & they’re father’s had died later. But Rayquaza will realize soon enough, for his sake.
 

armaldo

Pittsburgh Pirates 7th Super Bowl
Now I've written Chpt 1 of part 1. Now the story can begin.

Part 1
Chapter 1

~Armaldo~
A long time ago….Oh I already told you that. Yeah, mystic emerald, it’s legendary. Only Legendary Poke’mon & Andro Zure I decedents can use the emerald. But more on that later…..

In Sootopolis city, there’s one 14-year old teenager by the name of Ember Pogio. She had long blonde hair reaching to the middle of her back & wears a bandana around her neck with the U.S.A flag pattern on it. She wears a green, short-sleeved T-shirt & a red skirt & black sneakers. Ember was walking around the side of her house & saw a flyer taped to it. There were other flyers on all the other houses too. Ember took the one on her house
& started to read it. It read:

Andro Zure XII’s Poke’ battle tourney.[/

Qualification rounds will take place in Sootopolis city. You must register for the Qualification rounds in order to participate. To register you must fill out the registration sheet on the back of this flyer & send it to the Sootopolis Gym. The first 200 people will be accepted. Further rules in the tourney will be explained as you move ahead. Also, there will be a $100,000 prize award to the winner of the tournament.

Good luck to all.

“Wow!” Exclaimed Ember. “How neat, & the $100,000 prize is hard to resist. I think I’ll register.” So she took the flyer with her into her house & filled out the registration form in the back.


A Dive & a Surf away from Sootopolis, a surly resident of Mossdeep is walking back from his long day of another unsuccessful fishing trip. He’s called Roy Dupre'. Roy is also 14 like Ember. He wears a large blue blazer & black silk pants with blue sneakers. He has thin, red hair with a few shooting up from the top. He was walking against the mild winds when a piece of paper flew into his face.

“What the--?!” Roy yelled, & reached for his face & grabbed the paper. “What the heck is this?” & he started to read it:

Andro Zure XII’s Poke’ battle tourney.[/

Qualification rounds will take place in Sootopolis city. You must register for the Qualification rounds in order to participate. To register you must fill out the registration sheet on the back of this flyer & send it to the Sootopolis Gym. The first 200 people will be accepted. Further rules in the tourney will be explained as you move ahead. Also, there will be a $100,000 prize award to the winner of the tournament.

“Holy crud!!” He yelled, quite loudly. “$100,000?! That sure beats fishing every day!”
Then Roy ran to his house to fill out the registration form.

A Surf & a bike ride away, an impatient bystander sitting on a bench in the poke’mon center waits as his poke’mon are being healed. He is referred to as DeVor S.C. People say the S.C part means Satellite Cannon, after one of his poke’mon’s signature moves.
DeVor is 27 years. He wears a dark-blue vest over a gray, sleeveless T-shirt. He also wears black jeans with black steel-toe boots. He has what seems like dark-blue hair that’s very short & very crusty feeling.

DeVor looks around the center, bored out of skull. Then he grabs a magazine & turns to a random page. He notices a take-out flyer in the magazine:

Andro Zure XII’s Poke’ battle tourney.[/

Qualification rounds will take place in Sootopolis city. You must register for the Qualification rounds in order to participate. To register you must fill out the registration sheet on the back of this flyer & send it to the Sootopolis Gym. The first 200 people will be accepted. Further rules in the tourney will be explained as you move ahead. Also, there will be a $100,000 prize award to the winner of the tournament.

DeVor chuckles then says
“Interesting…. $100,000. This should be easy. No one can beat the Satellite Cannon. That’s what the people say.” He rips out the take-out flyer & fills out the registration form just before all his poke’mon are healed.

A long Fly away, two news people in Pacifidlog head out onto a boat as they prepare to sail to Slateport for a news story. One is named David Owens, who is the anchorman on channel 7. He only has a few strands of black hair on his head. He almost always wears a suit, a tie, black shoes & black pants & carries a microphone. The other is named Carver Crutech, & he’s the camera man for David Owens. He’s completely bald but wears a green cap. He wears a white T-shirt, green pants & green sneakers & carries a giant news camera with him.

Half way through their voyage, Carver sees two pieces of paper together floating in the water. He grabs them, looks at them, and then tells David to look at it:

Andro Zure XII’s Poke’ battle tourney.[/

Qualification rounds will take place in Sootopolis city. You must register for the Qualification rounds in order to participate. To register you must fill out the registration sheet on the back of this flyer & send it to the Sootopolis Gym. The first 200 people will be accepted. Further rules in the tourney will be explained as you move ahead. Also, there will be a $100,000 prize award to the winner of the tournament.

David makes a big smile & turns to Carver.

“Wow, $100,000. That’s a lot of money.” Says David

“Sure is.” Replies Carver.

“Lucky there’s two flyers, now we can both enter! & when one of us wins, we’ll split the money!”

“What? Why?”

“Because we found it together, it’s only fair.”

Then David turned the boat around & headed back while Carver dries & fills the forms out.


Later at a very windy midnight, Rayquaza flies back to the Sky Pillar after a failed search for the emerald. Rayquaza zooms to the top of the Sky Pillar, where he sees a piece of paper. Rayquaza picks it up & reads the front:

Andro Zure XII’s Poke’ battle tourney.[/

Qualification rounds will take place in Sootopolis city. You must register for the Qualification rounds in order to participate. To register you must fill out the registration sheet on the back of this flyer & send it to the Sootopolis Gym. The first 200 people will be accepted. Further rules in the tourney will be explained as you move ahead. Also, there will be a $100,000 prize award to the winner of the tournament.

“Hmmm….Andro has made the mistake of exposing himself when I would eventually know.” Rayquaza says with a smile. “Excellent, but I can’t get him directly. I’ll have to try a more subtle way.” Then, Rayquaza goes to sleep planning something for to
 
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Hahahabvc87

Always watching...
Hm... It's nice to see someone else's story for a change, and this one caught my interest since no one had replied yet. Okay, down to reviewing. Before that, let me say that I am sorry if this review offends you; I am only stating what can be improved and not personally criticizing your style of writing.

Well, your story is original, no doubt about that. However, the way you expressed the scenery and event was kind of "bland", e.g :

A Dive & a Surf away from Sootopolis, a surly resident of Mossdeep is walking back from his long day of another unsuccessful fishing trip. He’s called Roy Dupre'. Roy is also 14 like Ember. He wears a large blue blazer & black silk pants with blue sneakers. He has thin, red hair with a few shooting up from the top. He was walking against the mild winds when a piece of paper flew into his face.

Wouldn't it be better as this?:

A dive and surf away, a surly resident was walking back to his home, worn out by yet another unsuccesful fishing trip. A large blue blazer was draped around his shoulders, and his black silk pants were stained with sand, along with his sneakers which now looked more brown than their original blue. The mild wind tossed his thin, red hair about, including the few stray strands which shot up from his mop-top. Being only 14 years old, he didn't care much about his appearance.

"Roy Dupre'! Did you manage to catch anything today?" yelled a voice in the distance. He sighed and thought of a way to break the news peacfully to his family, not noicing the piece of paper fluttering about in the wind, which then landed right on his face
.

Although I understand that the contents of the flyer is important to the story, don't you think that repeating it 5 times is a little too much?

A few tips and pointers for writing fanfics can be found here

The characters were also kind of interesting, but since they have not even been elaborated I cannot give any advice on how to improve it. Maybe you will start involving them in the next chapter?

Your grammar and spelling were good, and I did not find any mistakes. Keep up the good work!

Overall, I think you need more practice on how to "bring your story to life", so to speak. I look forward to the next chapter, hopefully better than the first.

Peace out
Hahahabvc87
 

ex-ty

Swift and deadly
This fic is very original making it really good. Rayquaza seems like he could be called a bit evil though. I mean he attacks people for a gem. But i guess that's what makes it so good.

Anyway just keep up the good work
 
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