Angel's Requiem

[Peter Quill]

So yeah... Basically this is my first fanfic that actually envolves chapters for once. (My first happened to be a oneshot.) Originally this was supposed to be a Role Playing Game, but after many tries and failures I couldn't get it off the gorund. Basically I decided to turn it into a fic and I hope that you will all enjoy it.

I decided to take the characters from the Role Playing Game, the two that will be centered in my sotry at the moment are:

Nathaniel Caduc, Created by: Moogles4ever
Phoenix Syanbatan, Created by: Moogles4ever
Kalamir Plainstrider, Created by: Shadowfaith
Kaidomaru, Created by: Shadowfaith

More will be added to the list when needed.

So I now present:

Angel's Requiem

Prologue:
//: The war between the Heavens and Earth ://​

Near the beginning of the world there were two areas that remained of the upmost importancy. The Heavens and the Earth. Each having it's own unique prospects on life, they were both two very enjoyable places to live. Only one single race was allowed to live in the Heavens and those were the Angels. A race of people who had special wings each signifying the powers that they owned. The Angels weren't allowed to come down to Earth it was a decree written on Ancient Rune (One that was made at the beginning of the world). The Angels in the Heavens had always known about The Earth below, the people who were stranded on Earth however had absolutely no idea of their neigbors in the sky.

Everybody seemed to be happy on how life was simple and prosperous. However everything seemed to go downhill once a Scientist had found out about the Heavens above. He had done so by finding the ancient texts of an old civilization that was completely wiped out. Excited about his discovory he went over to tell everybody about this phenomenon, most people didn't believe him but however the King thought the scientist was a genius. The King needed to go into The Heavens, he needed to talk with the Angels and then take them down forcing him to give him complete power over The Heavens and Earth.

With the Scientist and the King finding an old ruins of a device that was supposed to grant people the power of warping to mysterious places. With this devive the pair was sure that they could find a way to get up into The Heavens. Before they had a chance to do so, “Somrato” the Head Angel came down to Earth to warn the two, that they wouldn't be able to get up there even if they tried. Somrato was turned to stone however for breaking the decree of Angels not being allowed to come down to The Earth. Intrigued the King took back the statue of Somrato to show all of his subjects about the truth of the Heavens. Almost all of his subjects believed him thereafter and wanted to get into the heavens themselves. There had been numerous stories about the Heavens which nobody in their proper mind back then would believe, but with the recent evidence things had changed with the tidings becoming very important on the verge of the world and the Heavens.

With almost the complete population following the King and the scientist over to where they had found the statue of the angel, they were ready to rise above into the Heavens. With the ruins being succesfuly restored by the scientist (this had took several weeks but the population had made base camps in order for themselves to survive). They decided to venture up into the Heavens to grab whatever spoils they could and to prepare themselves for a better life than the current one they possesed.

Up in heaven the Angels were expecting the people of Earth, not in the way you would suspect. The Angels were already prepared for combat. They did not want a bunch of intruders invading their “holy” land. With the dissapearance of Somrato the head Angel the Angels had very low morale. And had taken many casualties from that first “invasion” from the Earth people. (Who were then later called a very bad word named “Terran” which was demeaning to any person that came from or lived on Earth.)

After many battles that raged on through the Heavens and earth, the Angels finally decided to put a end to it. They were ready to completely blow up Earth using something called “magic”. The Angels had accquired such power from the many years they had devoted scholars (even more devoted from the scientist from Earth) learn the ancient powers of Runes and Magi.With the King not wanting Earth anymore, the Angels had carried out their plans and from there on the fighting continued in the Heavens.

A good millenium had passed until the people from Earth and the Angels finally decided to get a treaty in order. Using ancient rune the two parties established that eachtother could not go onto the other partie's land. They could not even see the other partie's land, in which case if they did see it they would either be turned into statue or have another punishment set upon the individual. The Angels reformed Earth as a part of the law (And the Head Angel raised the majority of the deceased.). And in return for each party nobody would remember the war. All memories of such were cast away in the rune. And thus they called the rune. “Gyrovis”

After that decree, the Angels and the Earth never went into war again.

++++++++++++

//: Around 1000 years after the treaty ://​

Many changes had been implimented since the olden days before the war had started. First off there were now many contries each with their own governing kings/republics. The people of Earth learned how to use the “powers” the Angels had used in the war. Using Ancient runes and Magi life was made a lot easier for the people on earth to survive and thrive.

“Gyrovis” had a secret depository each on the Angel's land and on Earth. They were each hidden very well and were not seen during this time.

++++++++++++

//: Currently 1800 years after the treaty ://​

Even more countries had formed, each having their own unique aspects and each owning a specific tribe native to it. The continuation of technology has advanced and even more people seem to be able to use even the simplest of magic now. These countries have become autosufficiant and are able to serve their people with ease. Technology had not advanced to the point where Electricity would come into effect yet however.

Although not everything is good. It seemed somebody snooped around in a area that had not yet been discovered and found something that would change the course of the history of the world. Somebody had found Gyrovis, and decided to shatter it into eight pieces. The pieces of Gyrovis decided to scatter knowing what had just happened. This man was only able to keep one of the pieces, which gave him enough magical strength, physical strength and worldly intelligence and many other aspects that would give him an easier time being able to control the world. Because know he found out... about The Heavens.

With Earth's Gyrovis being shattered into eight pieces, the one that remained up in the heavens shattered aswell. This removed the barrier that the rune had put into effect that seperated Earth from The Heavens. In other words this allowed the Angels to freely go down to Earth and be alongside the numerous species down there.

The head Angel didn't want to make the same mistake that his ancestors had done. So he decided to create another rune, this time this rune casted a spell on all the angels it forced them to become an ally with the people down on Earth. They were forced to be with a person on earth and could give them special powers that could be used for battle ever the situation arised. The Angels always had to be near their partner or they would die.






So there you have it, the beggining of this story.

 

[#Chimecho#]

two that will be centered in my sotry at the moment are:

Nathaniel Caduc, Created by: Moogles4ever
Phoenix Syanbatan, Created by: Moogles4ever
Kalamir Plainstrider, Created by: Shadowfaith
Kaidomaru, Created by: Shadowfaith

Just to be mean (in a joking way of course) you said two, when there is four (Unless, those are the two main characters with their two main Angel partners.. then that would make only a little more sense.)



Before I obliterate your story, is your prologue in the sense of like, 'pregame history.' Since you said you wanted it to be similar to an RPG? I think it is, which would make sense. It is a little boring but kind of necessary for your story. Sounds interesting though. Get an Angel who gives you powers eh? Wonder what will happen..


Basically, if it just history, then I understand why it would be rather borish. However, the grammatical and sentence errors are not as easily noted off.

Near the beginning of the world there were two areas that remained of the upmost importancy. The Heavens and the Earth. Each having it's own unique prospects on life, they were both two very enjoyable places to live. Only one single race was allowed to live in the Heavens and those were the Angels. A race of people who had special wings each signifying the powers that they owned. The Angels weren't allowed to come down to Earth it was a decree written on Ancient Rune (One that was made at the beginning of the world). The Angels in the Heavens had always known about The Earth below, the people who were stranded on Earth however had absolutely no idea of their neigbors in the sky.

I don't understand why you use 'uptmost importancy.' Is importancy even a word? Some things are a little redundant to, 'both two,' 'one single.' You can take out each in the fifth sentence, because it makes it sound like each angel had a a unique set of wings. And each wing on their set had their own powers. I don't think you mean that. A period belongs after Earth in this sentence, "he Angels weren't allowed to come down to Earth it was a decree written on Ancient Rune (One that was made at the beginning of the world)."

There were a bunch of similar errors that I could point out. If you want me to, I will, but not tonight. Reread what you wrote and edit the wording. If it doesn't sound right, then change it up.

><> Truth

 

[Yami Ryu]

Eh not really in the mood to really read but here.

The King needed to go into The Heavens, he needed to talk with the Angels and then take them down forcing him to give him complete power over The Heavens and Earth.

You have the I need, I need, I need syndrom. It's also really flat and doesn't give any desperate urgency to the King's lustful greed of power.

The King had to figure out a way to get into The Heavens, it was the only way he could trick the Angels' before taking them down. Forcing them to bow their heads and give him the power he wanted- no deserved to have. The power over the Heavens, and Earth.

It's still not the best but it flows better, it has a bit more feel to it, it's not just telling us a needy king needs something.

With the Scientist and the King finding an old ruins of a device that was supposed to grant people the power of warping to mysterious places.

Another akwardly worded sentence.

With the aid of his scientist, The King stumbled onto the formerly undiscovered ruins of an ancient device. That they had heard in legend; it would supposedly allow the people brave enough to use it, the power to warp to places unknown.

Although not everything is good. It seemed somebody snooped around in a area that had not yet been discovered and found something that would change the course of the history of the world.

You switch tenses, I think, and it just feels like another item you're listing off.

Although it is unknown as of yet to most, everything is not as well off as they assume. Someone, or something had been snooping around. Looking for something in an area considered sacred and off limits to most folk.

And what it had found there, would change the very course of history of the world, and all those upon it.

Up in heaven the Angels were expecting the people of Earth, not in the way you would suspect. The Angels were already prepared for combat. They did not want a bunch of intruders invading their “holy” land.

Also .. stiff.

Up in the heavens, the Angels' were expecting the people of the Earth, but not in the way one of the party would even begin to suspect. The Angels' were preparing for combat, donning armor, readying weapons.

They did not want hooligans of the Earth coming to their world, invading their 'holy land'. Thus, they were prepared to tell the Humans this. With a gruseome show of force.

Pretty much it's hard to get into, you spend to much time trying to set out all the facts in a row, that you're not really telling much of a story, or even a prologue. It's mostly just facts, stiff, hard, cold facts.

Try reading a couple books to refresh up on how it is to draw people into a story, it's a hard art to refine but you need to learn it. That's the difference between telling a story, and telling information.