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Anime Remix Special: The Remix of Darkrai

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by FlamingRuby, Sep 8, 2018.

  1. FlamingRuby

    FlamingRuby The magic of Pokemon

    (rated E10+ for fantasy violence and frightening images)

    Here is a special request and a gift for fans of my series--what Pokemon movie 10 would look like within my imagined Pokeworld.

    Remember this is not quite the same movie you remember!

    All characters, names, and other indicia are trademarks of their respective owners.

    Prologue: The Way to Alamos Town


    "Nervous about the Contest in Alamos Town?" Ash asked as the group made their way down the road. It had been a few days since Dawn had befriended a Ralts inside Solaceon Ruins. Dawn had planned to use her new Ralts in the Solaceon Contest, but then Barry had informed her about Alamos Town.

    Brock looked up from the guidebook. He winced when he noticed the group's current position looked nothing like the picture in the guidebook. "I hate to say it, guys, but we're lost. No nice way to say it."

    "Typical Barry..." Dawn sighed as Ash groaned. "Tells us all about a cool detour, but neglects to give us directions..."

    "According to the chapter on Alamos Town, the town is actually raised on a mountain surrounded by a lake." Brock explained. "This expanse of tall grass looks nothing like that..."

    Ash spotted a checkered hot air balloon approaching their position. "Hey, look!"

    "Hello there, travelers!" a blonde haired woman smiled as her older pilot guided the balloon to the ground. "Need a ride to Alamos Town?"

    "Sure!" Dawn hurried to the gondola and climbed inside. "I've always wanted to take a balloon ride, miss..."

    "Alice, please." the girl replied. "And this is Tonio, my co-pilot and navigator."

    "Pleased to meet you, travelers." the older man smiled as he petted a Chimchar. "Ember here is the one powering the burner."

    Ash facepalmed when he heard a familiar guitar playing the intro to the song "Up, Up, and Away". Brock, this is not the time to play a song...

    A discordant Eb chord made him heave a sigh of relief. [You can sing all you want when we get to where we're goin', coach.] Kage scolded Brock.

    Alice smiled as she climbed back inside the gondola with a shaped piece of grass. "If you want to play music so bad, let me share with you a song that is special to the residents of Alamos..."

    With that, she started playing a peaceful melody that resonated across the plain. "Wow!" Dawn gasped as a variety of bird Pokemon met the balloon in the air.

    "What's the name of that song?" Ash wondered as he found one of his whistles in his pocket. "And why is it special?"

    "It's an ancient melody..." Alice explained. "The only known name for it is the Oración."

    "The Oración, huh?" Brock mused. "Is it anything like the Swanna Song?"

    "Yes and no--while it is a song said to have magical power, it is not a last ditch spell." Alice explained. "It's actually more of a great healing song. One legend I once heard said that it calmed two Legendary Pokemon that were battling across space and time. But as far as I know, it's only a story."

    "Ah, but remember that sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction." Brock smiled.

    "That is true." Tonio agreed. "We will be arriving soon, so gather your belongings and make sure your teams are accounted for."

    Alice set down a sheet of musical staff paper on the gondola floor. "What key is your instrument?" she asked Ash.

    "This is a D whistle--the 'standard' whistle key." Ash replied.

    "Okay..." Alice wrote two sharps as the key signature, then quickly wrote out the song's melody in the new key. "The only note that may give you trouble is a high F# in the second octave." she cautioned.

    "I've been playing for a while, so I can hit that note consistently." Ash assured Alice.

    "For now, just practice the melody as I have it here." Alice began. "Then you can add in ornamentation to make this song your own."

    "Got it." Ash replied as he stashed his whistle and Alice's transcription of the Oración in his bag.

    "You finished the music lesson just in time." Tonio smiled as the rooftops of ornate buildings and a mountain came into view. "Welcome to Alamos Town."

    The group gasped in awe at the city, and the ornate designs on many of the buildings. "This looks way better than the picture in the guidebook!" Dawn smiled as she admired the elegant tilework and the fountain in the town square.

    The balloon touched down on a hill near the square some moments later. "Thanks for the ride." Brock smiled as he woke Tarina up. "We're here...this is Alamos Town."

    Tarina yawned, then gasped at the buildings. [Wow...this was the place Barry told us about?]

    Dawn nodded. "This is the place."

    "I'm sure you're tired from your travels." Tonio smiled. "Please, make yourselves at home, and enjoy your visit."

    To Be Continued...
     
  2. Namohysip

    Namohysip Well-Known Member

    Yo, copying this over from Bulba to give this fic some activity on both sides!

    I really liked the movie! I think it was the last one I saw before straying away from the anime/video media iterations of Pokemon. Interested to see how this gets reinterpreted.

    This time, due to how short this installment is, I'll start with some quotes that stood out to me, and then I'll get to my overall thoughts on the direction of this piece!

    This is good--you're establishing a basic time in which this scene is taking place, since it's obviously a breakoff from a much larger story, being the main series.

    A little awkward to have "say it" twice in the same line of dialogue.

    This dialogue is really the only major indicator of the sort of environment that the group is walking through. This story could certainly do for some description of the surrounding area to help set the scene, perhaps even the mood of the story, at least for the start. Given how quickly things are going for now, you can afford to spare some time and words to write out the way things are. How's the weather? Is it windy? Sunny? Are there any clouds? Any particular smells? Is it dry and arid, or humid? Small stuff like that can definitely bring a scene to life!

    The song, I feel, went by too quickly. And while you can't exactly "write out" a song, you can certainly describe it or the effect is causes. Does it soothe the trainers' Pokemon at all? Does it soothe the trainers themselves? How does it complement the flowing grass mentioned earlier? This song feels like it should be the centerpiece of this chapter (if only because we're aware of its importance down the line) so focusing on it and how the environment and people around it reacts would be a good idea.

    Did... does Ash know how to play instruments? For some reason this escapes me, but I don't remember him having any musical talent. If he did, my fault. If not--perhaps expand on this! It's an interesting new characteristic to bring up, since it seems oddly unlike him otherwise.

    It does! ...Now describe it some, as a grand opening to the city that this story will be taking place in! Elegant tilework and the fountain is a good start. Perhaps a paragraph of the largest key features would do beyond that, since they're on the approach. They have lots of time to take in that scenery.

    And lastly, I feel like there are a lot of characters in so little time--which makes sense, since it's the gang heading in--but it might help to mention who's who in a discrete way. I get the feeling these are established names for Pokemon of the trainers, but coming in blind, I've no idea who this is.

    ____


    Some overall thoughts about this: We're getting right into it with Ash and the gang heading into the city, so it's good that we're getting straight into the action without too much dilly-dallying. But maybe a little time to stop and smell the roses would be warranted, don't you think? Especially for an opening chapter, when it could be worth it to set the tone and scene a bit. This goes double since, as you mentioned at the beginning, this won't be the same movie I remember.

    Thanks for the read!
     
  3. FlamingRuby

    FlamingRuby The magic of Pokemon

    Thanks for the review!

    We will have a chance to stop and worldbuild a little, including building on the Oración's lore, before we get into the main story.

    I chose to start with Ash and the gang for my remixed version of the story because I wanted to put Dialga and Palkia in a very specific place--their battle from the real movie is at least acknowledged here.

    If you're curious, Tarina is an original character for the main series--she effectively is the replacement for both Bonsly and Happini (so Brock having baby Pokemon is acknowledged, but he is still free to have his own goal as a singer-storyteller)
     
  4. FlamingRuby

    FlamingRuby The magic of Pokemon

    Episode 1: A Taste of Friendship



    "So what should we do first?" Brock asked as the group started down the main street.

    "Try some of the local food here!" Ash suggested. "I'm starved!"

    "Good idea--I've always wanted to visit a tapas place." Dawn replied as the group passed by a restaurant that was preparing for the lunch rush.

    "Tapas?" Ash wondered as the group found an outdoor table to sit at.

    "If you'd like, the list of selections on our tapas bar is on the second page." the waiter explained. He brought the group some complimentary cans of an exotic orange soda. "It's all you care to enjoy for a flat price."

    "Guess we'll all order off the tapas bar, then." Dawn told the waiter as the group returned the menus.

    "Enjoy your meal." the waiter smiled back as the group went inside to see what the tapas bar had to offer.

    ---------

    "Okay, I got some fried cheese balls, this beef stew looking stuff, some mushrooms, and some sweet peppers so I had some semblance of veggies." Ash explained as he returned with his first plate. "What did you guys get?"

    "I got some of those cheese balls, some of these pastry pockets that Brock got, some Combusken on a stick, and some veggie kebabs." Dawn explained. "I wanted to get some of those small peppers you got, but I was afraid they'd be hot. The sign by the tureen said 'dulce'..."

    "That means 'sweet', so they're not hot." Brock assured Dawn. "If they're hot, the sign will say 'picante'--which is hot in the spicy sense."

    He turned his attention back to his plate. "I couldn't resist getting some of those fried cheese balls myself. I also have these little pastry pockets--two each of the meat kind and the cheese kind. I've also got some of these egg roll looking things and some veggie kebabs."

    "Great choices, everyone." Dawn smiled. "Let's dig in!"

    As the group started eating, Tintri noticed a crowd growing on the town square. [What's going on?]

    "You're in for a treat, viajeros--the street theater troupe Luminata is about to perform." a brown haired boy replied as he and his Torterra settled on the curb near the restaurant's terrace. "They combine music, dance, and acting into a show you won't soon forget."

    "Cool!" Dawn smiled.

    "But they only take volunteers from the crowd on the square, so you won't need to worry about your tapas getting cold." the boy went on. "I'm Maury, and this is Salvia."

    "Nice to meet you--I'm Dawn." Dawn smiled as a black haired boy arrived with an Empoleon and a girl with short red hair arrived with an Infernape. "My companions and I are in town for the Contest."

    "Hi, I'm Ash!" Ash smiled between bites. "And my partner, Tintri." he grinned as Tintri bounded on his shoulder.

    "I'm Brock--mucho gusto. Brock replied.

    Maury smiled back. "Nice to meet you all. These two are Kai..." The black haired boy waved hello. "...and Allegra." the girl waved hello.

    "Is it true that people battle Tauros here?" Ash asked.

    "Not so much anymore--out of respect for the Tauros." Kai replied. "I would've come earlier, but Glacier was eager to get some fish."

    Allegra, meanwhile, noticed Brock's guitar case. "Una guitarra! Do you play at all?"

    Brock decided to answer Allegra in Spanish. "Hace ocho años que toco la guitarra."

    "Wow! Eso es mucho tiempo!" Allegra gasped.

    "Huh?" Dawn was confused.

    "I said 'I have played guitar for eight years'. Brock explained as the waiter arrived with the bill. "it's one possible way to say how long you've been doing something."

    "Do we have to leave a tip?" Ash asked as Brock and Dawn set down their shares of the bill.

    "If you had tapas, a hundred credits or two is fine, but not required." Kai explained. "Usually if the waiter or waitress went above and beyond the call."

    "I'll leave an extra hundred, then." Ash smiled as he set down his share of the bill and a small tip.

    "I'll see if I can play a little bit later, but I don't want to upstage Luminata if they are as good as you say." Brock assured the group's new friends as they moved closer to the square. A group of eight performers were nearby, putting the finishing touches on their makeshift set.

    "Atención a todos! Luminata will now present to you the tale of the shining Chatot!" a young black haired woman in an exotically colored costume announced. Applause filled the air as the performers hurried into position.

    "You may wanna write this down..." Ash whispered to Brock. Brock nodded, and retrieved his story notebook.

    "I see you're a bit of a storyteller..." Maury smiled as he spotted Brock's Fantasy Stage bag. "Luminata doesn't mind if you write down the story--just give credit where credit is due."

    "I always do." Brock assured Maury. "I typically explain where I learned a story from and any important cultural info before I start."

    "Once upon a time in what is now Alamos Town, a brother and sister lived with their father in a happy little home." the black haired woman began. "They were especially proud of their garden, which was full of rare and exotic plants. The mother had died when the children were very small. This meant the girl--let's call her Marisol--was the lady of the house. She was a fine housekeeper, and everything about the place shone like the sun..."

    To Be Continued...
     
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2018 at 3:10 PM
  5. Namohysip

    Namohysip Well-Known Member

    Oh hey, it updated! May as well take a look at what we’ve got going on in chapter! From what I recall, they were just making it in, though I’m curious how the story will change, since you said it was a remix, yes? Well! Let’s just get started.

    So, right here, why not describe the main street a little? Maybe a sentence or two focusing on what the street is made of, or others that are walking by the halls?

    Here’s another one where I think there could be a bit more description given. Imagine just writing out that spread, or at least describing how perhaps the steam billowed off of the beef stew, or how the breading on the fried cheese balls crumbles to the touch—things like that? I normally wouldn’t focus so much on just the food, but seeing as it had so much of a focus in the scene, it might be a great way to do that world building you wanted, through the culture of the food! Actually, I’ve been neglecting to do that in my world, too. I should get to that.

    I think something in the formatter broke here. I’m seeing some residual html encoding.


    ___


    And then the chapter ends with the beginning of an incoming story. My senses are telling me that the next chapter will perhaps be a flashback of some kind? I doubt it would be an entire chapter dedicated to dialogue of telling the story—or perhaps it will be acted out in some way? Not really sure. Either way, it feels like this story will have some classic “play foreshadows the story” aspect to it, but I'm interested in how that will be handled.
     
  6. FlamingRuby

    FlamingRuby The magic of Pokemon

    ::fixes the formatting error::

    One of my weakest habits is not knowing a balance between too much description and too little. I'm doing my best to try and find it, but it's not easy

    Next time, the gang does play with their new friends, but the fun foreshadows trouble ahead.
     

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