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[APH - PG-16 - Parody]Hetalia:Asse Powers

Discussion in 'Non-Pokémon Stories' started by TeamRocketGrunt, Aug 2, 2012.

  1. TeamRocketGrunt

    TeamRocketGrunt WobbWobbWobb Wobrudo

    Well, it's me TRG again, and I wanted to write a parody of my favorite anime! In this craaazy fic, Italy is somewhat intellegent, Germany is....well? German, and Japan has anger issues! And about the swear filter, I'll put the first letter and then asterisks so you can at least know the words they're saying.

    America: Dude, I seriously think I should handle out this meeting because I'm the hero and a true genius. With blabbing too much and yelling opinions, we can definately solve the world's problems. Okay dudes I think since I'm the hero I'll totally do everything and save your asses.

    Japan: *Is slamming table* Are you out of your mind?! My chin chin is bigger than your brain! At least I can put together a Gundam in within an hour!

    Korea: Stop making me jealous! Puff Puff Humbert already upset me with that one!

    England: I'd have to agree with Japan on this one becau-

    France: Shut up limey, I'm still sexy.

    England: *Pops up in anger* YOU DIDN'T EVEN LET ME FINISH! And....why is Korea here?!

    America: You people just never listen to the hero, do you? The hero is important! Did I mention I'm the hero?

    All: Yes.....

    China: Everyone here is SOOO immature. I think I'll settle this the extremely difficult way. So....CHINESE TAKEOUT ANYONE?!

    France: You'll never be as good a cook as me, ohonhonhon.

    Spain: *Pops out of apparently nowhere, what's with Hidekaz and his popping out of nowhere of the characters?!* Russia, why don't you use your trolly Eduard Khil mouth? You're rather quiet, no?

    Russia: Why me? I have a plan of my own. Lithuania's gonna epicly fail and return to my union, and so would Lativa, and then-

    Estonia: Good for you, Mr. Tough Guy. You just can't get me back.

    (Random babbling that's impossible to make out and is super annoying)

    Germany: ALL OF YOU SHUT THE F*** UP!!! This conference is to complain about modern issues, not the past ones. I seem to be the noisiest and most aggressive, so therefore, I'll lead this conference. If you have anything to say, please raise your hand and in a way that does not relate to the salute of my country's past.

    Italy: *Raises hand and not in a way that relates to-well you get the point*


    Italy: .....People of the world, we gather here to discuss the problems in modern society. Today, I want to get the point across that we shouldn't insult people with offensive labels, racism, and-

    Germany: *Whispers something in Italy's ear*

    Italy: Yes, and Holocaust jokes. Furthermore, I-

    America: Damn, this guy is BOR-ING! Let's just go to the intro!

    (Intro music. DAH DAH DAAH DAH DAAAAAAAH duhduhduhduhduhduhDUH.)

    Germany: It is said that long ago, there is some guy who can't get enough sex who conquered the Mediterranian Sea. He was rich, the also say. Also, this script sucks. His name....was the Roman Empire. The guy, not the script. Yeah, he pretty much had everything. Why am I saying this? Why not someone else? Well, anyway, one day he dissapeared, soooo....yeah.


    Germany: Later, during World War I.(Is walking through a forest)....I'm supposed to be fighting a descendant of Rome...OH NOW I KNOW WHY I SAID ALL THAT! Anyway, he could be anywhere, so keep guard, my sticky. Also, I'm sorry about not sharing my wurst! I was to busy with my OTHER sticky friend!

    Stick: What other sticky friend?

    Germany: This condom from across the street.


    Germany: I must keep my guard up, this guy MUST have some sort of plan...(Sees a box of tomatoes)Umm...

    To be continued!


    Narrator: Okay, is everyone listening? SHUT UP! YOU'RE SNOTTY, NOISY KIDS! Once upon a time, in a house called the Roman Empire...

    Chibitalia: It's next to my perverted brother France's house!

    Narrator: Newborn Italy lived with other snotty country children. One day, the incredibly hot Rome forced the snotty child away from his home. Italy then spent his time singing and drawing with his unusually handsome grandpa. Italy was good with art or whatever, so I think Rome was happy, I guess.

    Chibitalia: Drawing stinks! I should be wasting my time playing video games! But wait...Japan would be delighted, so I'd be making people happy. Decisions, decisions...well, I'm gonna be pissed when my brothers come, because I hate their guts, and....well you know.....

    Narrator: Unfortunately, when they returned....


    Romano: F***ing bastard you are!

    Narrator: They became even bigger assholes.

    Holy Rome: STOP! I WANT YOU TO JOIN THE HOLY ROMAN EMPIRE!*Chases Chibitalia*

    Chibitalia: F*** YOOOOOUUUU!!!!*Runs*

    (Ending. Nee nee papa wain o chodai, etc., etc....)

    Germany: How long have I been staring at those tomatoes?!

    Last edited: Oct 6, 2012
  2. VS

    VS ♡.♡

    Okay you might want to make it R.
  3. TeamRocketGrunt

    TeamRocketGrunt WobbWobbWobb Wobrudo

    It's not bad enough for R!
  4. VS

    VS ♡.♡

    Okay I'll review it.
    It's funny but It's just awful towards me for some reason. I like it though
  5. iMillenium

    iMillenium Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

    Add-on... Feel free to take ideas...

    Narrator : 7 years, 234 days 1 hour 4 minutes 1.0081 seconds. The wars over. You lost.
    Germany : But why????!!!
    Germany decides to go invade Poland as a hobby.
    Poland : Erm... England said your fat. Can you invade there?
    Germany : I don't care, you are closer. You live next door.
    England : Germany! Your fat!
    Wales : Stop England. Every time you start a fight you get me to help. Now if you don't mind I have some sheep to make happy. Somehow. Here is a gun, you fight your own wars.
    England : How do I shoot? I don't see a button labled shoot.
    Germany : You pull that. I bet my secret base in Berlin is better than yours. Why am I telling you this.
    Last edited: Aug 3, 2012
  6. TeamRocketGrunt

    TeamRocketGrunt WobbWobbWobb Wobrudo

    Haha, I like that, but I am parodying the anime, and IDK where to throw that in, plus no Wales. Korea was added for the lulz.
  7. VS

    VS ♡.♡

    Wales is a confirmed character, and Korea is a confirmed Character
  8. TeamRocketGrunt

    TeamRocketGrunt WobbWobbWobb Wobrudo

    I know he is, neither appear(ed) in the anime
  9. VS

    VS ♡.♡

    Actually he has an animation error cameo in episode 14
  10. TeamRocketGrunt

    TeamRocketGrunt WobbWobbWobb Wobrudo

    Germany: The time...was still World War I. I was in a strange situation...with a tomato box. (Stares at box) Hmmm. I suppose a living creature might be in here...(Hits the box with his sticky friend)

    Box:I 'M THE BOX OF TOMATOES FAIRY FROM THE PLANET ITALIATOPIA! I come in peace, and I hope to be part of your society, Mr. Nazi sir. Please?

    Germany: The box has a brain and heart? Impossible, I'm gonna rip your guts out, Mr. Tomato Fairy Thing! (Grabs box)

    Box: NO! Nothing's inside, don't open me NOOOOO!

    Germany: RAAAUGGHH! THE POWER OF DEUTSCHBALLS!....I mean land.


    (Intro, with all the dahdahdahdahdah stuff)


    Germany: Tell that to Other Sticky Friend.

    Italy: You're mean! Waaaah!

    Germany: Hmm...this guy is supposedly a descendant of Rome, but...this wimp?(Picks up Italy)Umm...let me ask you a question. You wouldn't happen to be related to Rome, would you?

    Italy: You know Grandpa Rome?! WONDERFUL! I love you!

    Germany: This is.....(Gasp)a TRAP! He's trying to catch me off guard!

    Italy: GERITA GERITA! GERI-(gets kicked)Owww.....

    Germany: Not until then did I know that this encounter wou-Why am I speaking all mushy? I AM A MAN!

    To be continued.....


    France: Hey Holy Butthole! There are others to chase besides Douchaly!

    Chibitalia: He stalks me because I hate him....

    Holy Rome: You want to be powerful, right, or are you stupid?

    Chibitalia: ....I f***ing hate trick questions.

    Holy Rome: THEN YOU SHALL COME BY FORCE! (Drags Chibitalia) YAAAAAAA!

    Chibitalia: Noooooo!

    France: We shall duke it out over the chibi douche!


    France: Keeeeyaaah! (Pulls out sword) Ohonhonhonhon!

    Holy Rome: Pervert....

    Spain(In a bear suit): Want some free candy?

    Chibitalia: Si!

    How Italy became a stripper!

    Narrator: Italy was a rather attractive country for just a snotty child, but Rome is hotter. Everyone wanted Italy.


    Narrator: Italy was weak, so teenage countries invaded his vital regions, most notably France, Spain, and Prussia. They make the BTT, or Bad Touch Trio. France started the trend by pulling down his pants and shoving the Eiffel Tower up his a**.

    Once again, the time was World War I.

    Germany: I captured that wimp and put him in my house...I hope I learn from him. He must have a master plan. Dude, the door's wide open. Aren't you gonna try and escape?!

    Italy: Why would I? I could study the average German man! Germany is very innovative. Do you think sausages and Volkswagens just pop out of nowhere?

    Germany: DEUTSCHBALLS! I mean, dude! You are a soldier! You should at least try to escape to gain your true potential and-ARE YOU ASLEEP?!

    Italy: Uhhh...no, I'm dead.

    Germany: Oh, look! The door magically opened and-

    Stick: No, that was me.

    Italy: Fine, I'll leave....(walks out door)

    Korea: (Charges in from outside)JAPAN'S BREASTS BELONG TO IM YUNG SOOOOOOOOOO!!!!(falls)

    Germany: .....VAT IS GOING ON?! Im Yung Soo?!

    Italy(Outside): You girls are sexy and umm...do you like pasta and quantum physics?(Goes back in after reject)

    Korea: Can I hang out with you guys? PLEEEEEASE?!

    (Ending....neeneepapawainocho-OH F*** IT)

    "Dude I have terrible news! Italy and Korea charged into the comfort of Deutschland....WHAT'RE WE SUPPOSED TO DO?!"

    To be continued
    Last edited: Oct 6, 2012
  11. VS

    VS ♡.♡

    Why do I feel I'm reading porn when I read this?
    It's hilarious! :p
  12. TeamRocketGrunt

    TeamRocketGrunt WobbWobbWobb Wobrudo

    Because Im Yung Soo is here ;)
  13. iMillenium

    iMillenium Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

    Why is Korea spamming every scene?
    Germany eats a sausage.
    Korea : Hi

    Japan builds a gundam.
    Korea : Hi

    The earth ends.
    Korea : Hi

    Italy is held hostage.
    Korea : Hi
  14. TeamRocketGrunt

    TeamRocketGrunt WobbWobbWobb Wobrudo

    How can you NOT love Korea? :D
  15. iMillenium

    iMillenium Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

    For the lack of gundams...
  16. TeamRocketGrunt

    TeamRocketGrunt WobbWobbWobb Wobrudo

    Italy: Hey Germany, I wrote you a song!

    Germany: ....you did that for me?! Okay then, start.

    Italy: Deutschland! Everything's beautiful in Deutschland! There's plenty of beer and sausage to go around, it is never safe and sound! Sing and drink with me, just don't drown! Everybody just loves Gerrrrmaaaany, I think there's not enough for you to seeee....an-


    Italy: Is that a yes on the union?

    (Le Intro)


    Germany: I find it illogical France wants all of my pants. I have to sew all these pants and give France all the cash I make off of them! At least I'm fueled on beer and sausage. And I have time for myself. I can daydream about the World's Largest Wurst all I want!

    Italy: Hey Deutschballs! Can I have a job? I'm lacking cash and-AAAAHHHHH!!!(flies out window)

    Germany: Don't ask me for a job you Italian doofus! All I can do is work 24/7 and pay back Francy-Pants!

    Italy: But...but Germany! Deutschland! Doitsu! If I could say it in Chinese I would!

    China*Randomly pops in*: Déguó!

    Italy: Showoff.

    Germany: .....I'll find you something.

    Italy: Dear Perverted and Older Brother, I got a job at Germany's! I get payed so much cash that I could die! But everything is overpriced, it's like Pokemon! Except health care isn't free.

    (Le time passes! Le World War 2 starts!)

    Italy: Pishity schmidt! I cannot believe Germany is attacking Francey-Pants again!


    Italy: Germany! I wanna support you and be big and strong! Also, I-AAAAHHHHHH!(gets sent out again)

    Italy: *returns*Hey I totally got kicked in the a** so I got sent back!

    Germany: I don't need you or that other guy's help!

    Korea:*Looking at porn*: What? Don't look at me!

    Italy: C'mon, we can be an alliance! I may not be strong, but I'm cute!

    Germany: Ummm....no comment.

    Italy: Think about in. When I'm in trouble, you'll save me. When you're in trouble, I'll let your sorry a** die!

    Korea: Yeah, what he said.(Scrolls down on his computer)

    Germany: Okay...we can do that. We don't have to f*** do we?

    Italy: Nope! Unless you want to please the fangirls.

    Korea: I'd say you'd have to.

    Germany: Shut it.

    So they formed an alliance. But in the end....

    Italy: Thanks for the water! Now I can make pasta again!

    Korea: And thanks for the Playboy magazines!

    Germany: You two are so wasteful.

    (Eyecatch. Yes, fics have eyecatches now. Deal with it.)

    (Random Asian music playing)

    Japan: I am f***ing upset, but I have to meat you.

    (Ending again....marukaite chikyuu maru-*gets hit with a shoe*)
    Last edited: Oct 6, 2012
  17. iMillenium

    iMillenium Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

    Don't you think PG-14 is too low? Full of swears and porn/sexual references. It is a little too low...
  18. TeamRocketGrunt

    TeamRocketGrunt WobbWobbWobb Wobrudo

    I guess, didn't expect it to get that far
  19. iMillenium

    iMillenium Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

    Okay then... You should change it ASAP!
    P.S Check out my profile! Go on, do it!
    Last edited: Aug 5, 2012
  20. TeamRocketGrunt

    TeamRocketGrunt WobbWobbWobb Wobrudo

    You can't change a fic's title, so I pm'd a mod to change it. I'll put it in the OP for now.

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