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As I Lay With Ash

IceKing

Sexorific!
An entry to Roses and Chocolates. Won 6th place, and 1st place in Brian Powell's rankings

Rated R for Language, Sexual Content, and Violence

As I lay with Ash​

Finally…

It took me ten painful, teary years, but tonight, I have granted my heart’s supreme desire. Ever since I saw that idiotic fool ten years ago, I knew my heart would never find another like him. His beautiful black hair, like artificial silk—not quite as good as the real kind. That adorable smile, the cute unbearable…tinyness, he was just my little doll that I wanted to cuddle. We were only ten at the time; it was a simple childish crush, but it soon grew to a passionate love that only grew stronger with time.

I lied through my teeth every time I claimed to hate him and every time I assured the only reason I walked by his side was to get back my stupid bike. Screw the bike, I wanted that bod! Of course, he had not much to offer back then, but as the years traveled and we matured, I truly did find new feelings for him. As Brock would constantly remind us, our feelings were blatantly obvious, but as stupid children do, we rejected and ignored them. And today, that rejection is the greatest regret of my life. So many lost years…but it does not matter now! He is mine now, and that is all that matters!

Thoughts aside, I turn off the water fountain and spit out the remaining paste from my mouth. Clutching my pink slip closely, I take a deep breath and march out of the tiny bathroom and back into the messy bedroom. I had not much to offer him, for I had been struggling financially ever since the gym was reformed with new leaders. It was barely the size of one of his closets and was strewn with clothes and paper; I could swear that it was a bra hanging from the dusty ceiling fan. My cheeks turn pink with embarrassment at how filthy the setting for the greatest moment of my life was. Even the bed was a cheap hundred dollar mattress with a single unwashed bed sheet. The only spot of beauty in the entire room was the sprawled, sleeping body of Ash Ketchum, love of my life.

In the broiling summer heat, he wore nothing but a pair of white Luvdisc boxers. Damn, that cute butt… Sweat inched down every inch of his dark tan body, dampening the bed with his pure essence. I vow to NEVER wash those sheets again. A warm, tingling sensation of ecstasy trembles throughout my skin as my mind thinks of lying with him once more. When in the prison of his chiseled arms, I feel not even the jagged claws of Rayquaza could tear us apart from each other now. I needed him and he needed me, ever since we were children. We couldn’t bear the thought of being apart.

Not even the super-endowed whore, May Maple, could destroy our love. Again

A sharp pain sears through my head at the thought of that bitch, a razor-blade leaving a clean cut. The image of her perfectly, young face, complete with the shiny eyes, the cascade of milky brown hair, and cock-asphyxiated throat just makes me want to vomit—preferably all over her. I loath her with my every being. She was a disgrace to women everyone, ensnaring men in her web of large breasts and lolicon sex appeal. Because of their cursed second head, straight men had no choice but to fall for her curse and it was up to their true lovers to free them. Ash had once fallen for her, but it mattered not! He was mine now…

Another cut grows fresh in my mind, and I quickly think of my memories of Ash instead, rather than wasting precious thoughts on that cum-guzzling bimbo. I think of Ash and I working together to conquer Team Rocket; I think of playfully splashing each other in pools; I thought of that day in the Orange Islands, when I realized who it was that I loved…

Rather than excruciating anger, I feel the delightful warmth ripple through my blood once more. Pulling on one of the small cords of the dusty fan, I crawl into the bed at last, unable to restrain myself, wrapping my arms around Ash’s bare chest and entwining my legs with his. If orgasmic was the word to describe my dreams of this moment, I don’t think any adjective could possibly illustrate the flames of lust blazing in my blood. Alas, this was not the Fairy Tale life I expected us to have: no castle, no fancy canopy bed, and I was nowhere close to as beautiful as I should have been.

Again, it was her fault.

Because of my incompetent sisters, I was forced to leave my dear Ash’s side just when our love was beginning to unravel in order to save our gym from reformation. I don’t know why I even bothered to go; it was just delaying the very inevitable… My pathetic sisters couldn’t win a pokemon battle to save their life. They were the type that would order a thunderbolt against a Golem. I managed to pull the gym out of the dregs of the Ten Worst Gyms in the country, and stabilized it to the point where I could leave it in my sisters’ hands, and so I eagerly returned to meet Ash once more.

When I first left, we talked at least four times a week. But then, she joined his group, unable to journey on her own, the little clueless princess. At first, I didn’t mind much of it, she reminded me of a young him. Months passed like seconds and I no longer heard his voice as much as I used to. When I met him, I saw the curse for myself. He kept looking at her. He loved her. She was ensnaring him. I left. Then those months turned into years, and I was lucky if I could even talk to him at all.

As his soul-mate, it was my duty to save him from her. I failed miserably. For this failure, I did not deserve Ash. He should have never taken me back. I am scum. Filthy, slimy scum.

I notice that I’m out of Ash’s embrace and sobbing on the floor. My head is bleeding profusely now. It’s everywhere, the bright scarlet horror. I wipe it away with my hands, but more keeps flowing.

“She’s gone now, Mist…He’s all yours…” I keep reassuring myself, but my bloody tears won’t stop. I take a deep breath and crawl over to my nightstand, snatching a bottle of tiny pink pills from the surface. Without water, I swallow half the bottle dry. The relief is almost instant, a euphoria of numbness. It feels as if hot wax has plastered my entire soul, nothing can penetrate it, nor leave it. Excuse me, I spoke a fallacy.

Love

My everlasting love for Ash Ketchum can escape from it. Nothing can stop my love for Ash Ketchum.

Mustering up all of my energy, I crawl back onto the bed with a half-grin. I’m beginning to feel dizzy, but the good kind of dizzy. A giddy sort of dizzy. Not as powerfully as before, I hold Ash. I could lie on the bed forever staring at Ash’s back and holding his soft stomach, but I needed to sleep. We had an eternity to spend together, and I didn’t want to spend it exhausted.

My eyes close, with Ash’s beautiful, muscled back painted on my eyelids. I drift to sleep quickly, and Ash joins me there as well. We dance in the meadow. His large hand is around my waist as we move in circles. We swim nude in the ocean. The water is light as a cloud as we drift together in the currents. We’re angels flying through the open skies. Our wings beat synchronized; we cut through the clouds. The ring. The shining white diamond comes flying through the sky, stabbing me, plunging a foot long wound deep into my heart. I bleed again, gasping for air as I drop from Ash’s grip. The last thing I see is the bloody diamond, twinkling malevolently in the sun.

My eyes open with a snap. It’s gone. Both the physical and spiritual. Memories flood back. But I am unable to respond, shielded by my hardened soul.

He is nineteen. I am twenty. We haven’t talked in three years. I moved on, I would think of him time to time, but I learned to live with his absence. Until the day I turned on the television. It was the Indigo League Finals, Ash Ketchum and Kara Mathers. I played close attention to the battle, silently cheering my lover on.

He lost. His Pikachu could just not overcome her Electabuzz. I cried for him, but the worse came next. He was being interviewed….with a woman by his side. She wore no bra, the filthy slut. But my eyes then glanced at her hands…a ring. A large, diamond ring. My breath disappeared. Then, I heard those words.

“My wife…May Maple…”

I almost died that day. The noose snapped at the last second. The light had vanished, but with a single puff of breath from some hideous paramedic it returned.

I was reborn.

I refused to be weak any longer, I knew what I needed, and that vile beast was keeping it from me.

For many years I remained idle as my life was ripped apart by the jaws of May Maple. I would reclaim my life in the next two weeks. I would get my revenge on May Maple.

Struggling valiantly, a smile gently curled on my lips. My eyes shone maniacally. Finally, happy thoughts flooded.

I don’t remember how I got her to come to the house. I just remembered waiting for her, the dagger hidden in my sleeve. I gave her three seconds after she entered the door, and I shut it tight behind her.

The first blow pierced her right breast. I heaved it and blood and silicon sprayed all over my front. She shrieked with all her might. How I enjoyed that cry. The cry of a demon. She never expected what I did to her; she never got time to accept her impending death. All she knew was agony. Agony as she felt what she had done to me.

She lifted her hands and begged an end, cowering into the corner. I sliced several finger tips clean off. She looked down at them in terror, as my floor turned even more scarlet. She tried sucking on them to stop the blood. As if they were among of the thousand cocks she eagerly slurped. The next slash sliced across her wrists and her hands fell limply to her side. She sobbed “why?” so many times. I was nice enough to give her an answer.

“Because you stole what was mine.”

I then sliced the throat. She died shortly after.

Her carcass lay sprawled across my floor; the blood splattered across the walls, drenched the carpets, and stained my hands. As I lift my own hands in remembrance I can see a faint pink that wouldn’t wash out. A hoarse laugh escapes from my throat.

Ash arrived a few days later, after I called him telling him I had information on his wife. He did not remember me on the phone. May was safely stuffed in a garbage bag in my tiny fridge (I did have to remove a few limbs). I tried my best to clean off the blood for Ash’s arrival, but in the end I simply covered it with furniture and paintings.

He came looking frantic; I wore my best blue dress and lipstick. When he saw me, he still did not remember me. He repeatedly asked me about his enchantress, I kept telling him to wait. I gave him a glass of fresh orange juice; my poor lover was so sweaty and tired. I sat him down and told him everything. From my love to my sin.

He could not process what had happened, he simply stared into space. His wife was dead, and he was about to move onto a new lover. He turned out to be a bit more difficult than I anticipated. I tried to hold his hand, but he jerked it away. He called me many hurtful names. Some of the worst included “bitch” and “lunatic.”

I simply sighed. I partially expected this. What he didn’t know was that I had given up on my dreams. When he married May, their souls became one. He was cursed forever; it was the biggest mistake of his life. Murdering May was not enough, a part of her still crept within him. There was only one way to destroy that part once and for all.

He looked down at his empty orange juice glass in horror. He understood.

And now my Ash Ketchum lies besides me. He cannot move or speak, but it matters not. Kissing every inch of his skin was enough for me, what is important is what awaited next. His soul lingers close by, freed from the bindings of May Maple. He is waiting for me, his soul mate. We would spend eternity together. I can’t help but look down at his beautiful body pitifully. He had great potential in this world, but as his soul mate, I needed to make sure he experienced his full potential. And he could only do that with me.

I did not want to wait any longer. I would spend eternity with Ash.

I turn to the nightstand where a large glass of orange juice stood. Taking a deep breath, I drank it in one gulp. Not wanting to waste anytime, I embrace Ash once more. I turn him so that I could see his beautiful face, with the sole exception of those awful blue lips. I wrap my arms around his back and place his arms around mine.

Resting my head against his shoulders, I sleep.








This piece was inspired by A Rose For Emily and The Jilting of Granny Weatherall
 
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Bay

YEAHHHHHHH
I like it. I like it a lot! XD

I think what I love most about this piece is the emotions. I can really feel Misty's crazy love for Ash, like I was inside her mind. I think this is my favorite part:

I lied through my teeth every time I claimed to hate him and every time I assured the only reason I walked by his side was to get back my stupid bike. Screw the bike, I wanted that bod! Of course, he had not much to offer back then, but as the years traveled and we matured, I truly did find new feelings for him. As Brock would constantly remind us, our feelings were blatantly obvious, but as stupid children do, we rejected and ignored them. And today, that rejection is the greatest regret of my life. So many lost years…but it does not matter now! He is mine now, and that is all that matters!

Hehe, real emotions there! XD

I think the only criticism I can think of is the way you wrote Misty's killing May. I thought you went a bit quick, though maybe you did that to emphasize how fast May died. Eh, guess it's just that it was a bit too quick for my taste! ^^;;;

EDIT: Oy, the Monstar came. >.>
 
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jirachiman876

The King of Kirby
Wow. Talk about a crazy lover. I was wondering for a second what had happened but it all unravele beautifully after a while. Great work, truly great. I loved how you added the horror in here along with the romanticism. It was truly a great combination with you. Very good description, I really loved how well you wrote this. The emotions lined up very well. I really liked it. I really got nothing more I could say other than great piece of work.
jirachiman out ;385;
 

Sike Saner

Peace to the Mountain
Oh. My. God.

This made me think of something—someone—do you know who? Starts with an “e”, ends with an “e”… Yes, that’s right. The one responsible for Rionette’s destruction. You see, pretty much every passage I read about May, my mind immediately applied to her. Like this one here…

A sharp pain sears through my head at the thought of that *****, a razor-blade leaving a clean cut. The image of her perfectly, young face, complete with the shiny eyes, the cascade of milky brown hair, and ****-asphyxiated throat just makes me want to vomit—preferably all over her. I loath her with my every being.

Such similarly sweet evils have I spoken of her, oh yes…

So, for me, there was a very special satisfaction in what befell May, for all the while I could so easily imagine it happening to…you know. X3

For that matter, the dark, psychotic nature of this piece in general won me over completely. I do indeed like a cute romance, but my favorite romances are the dangerous kind, the ****ed-up kind. <3 (Hell, for that matter, sometimes romances are both cute and ****ed-up, and that’s just a whole ‘nother level of awesome…but I digress. XD)

I loved how this seemed at first to be just a nice, pleasant reflection of Misty’s love for Ash—and then, at a really good pace, I might add, it went deliciously sour. The way it transitioned into its elements of jealousy and hatred and madness and murder and all that good stuff was great, quite adroitly executed.

In addition to the sweet stuff and the dark stuff, there were also a few nice sprinklings of humor. What’s more, there was some genuinely gorgeous language put to use in there, as well.

I lied through my teeth every time I claimed to hate him and every time I assured the only reason I walked by his side was to get back my stupid bike. Screw the bike, I wanted that bod!

XD

Thoughts aside, I turn off the water fountain and spit out the remaining paste from my mouth. Clutching my pink slip closely, I take a deep breath and march out of the tiny bathroom and back into the messy bedroom. I had not much to offer him, for I had been struggling financially ever since the gym was reformed with new leaders. It was barely the size of one of his closets and was strewn with clothes and paper; I could swear that it was a bra hanging from the dusty ceiling fan.

Nice attention to detail there, bra hanging off the fan and all. XD

In the broiling summer heat, he wore nothing but a pair of white Luvdisc boxers. Damn, that cute butt…

XD at the boxers, and doubly so at that second line.

Not even the super-endowed *****, May Maple, could destroy our love.

Indeed, hers are rather dubiously large assets for someone who’s supposedly only ten… >.>

My eyes close, with Ash’s beautiful, muscled back painted on my eyelids. I drift to sleep quickly, and Ash joins me there as well. We dance in the meadow. His large hand is around my waist as we move in circles. We swim nude in the ocean. The water is light as a cloud as we drift together in the currents. We’re angels flying through the open skies. Our wings beat synchronized; we cut through the clouds. The ring. The shining white diamond comes flying through the sky, stabbing me, plunging a foot long wound deep into my heart. I bleed again, gasping for air as I drop from Ash’s grip. The last thing I see is the bloody diamond, twinkling malevolently in the sun.

That is seriously ****ing gorgeous. o.o

The first blow pierced her right breast. I heaved it and blood and silicon sprayed all over my front. She shrieked with all her might. How I enjoyed that cry. The cry of a demon. She never expected what I did to her; she never got time to accept her impending death. All she knew was agony. Agony as she felt what she had done to me.

She lifted her hands and begged an end, cowering into the corner. I sliced several finger tips clean off. She looked down at them in terror, as my floor turned even more scarlet. She tried sucking on them to stop the blood. As if they were among of the thousand cocks she eagerly slurped. The next slash sliced across her wrists and her hands fell limply to her side. She sobbed “why?” so many times. I was nice enough to give her an answer.

“Because you stole what was mine.”

I then sliced the throat. She died shortly after.



*rewinds scene* *mentally superimposes a certain someone’s face over May’s* *replays altered scene again and again*

Fwee. ^___^

Anyway, seriously, that murder scene was just awesome. Great carnage, great view into Misty’s sadistic relishing of the death she was dealing, and some seriously awesome details—I especially liked the “blood and silicon” part. X3

Oh, and another thing: This put a song in my head, and a Coheed And Cambria song at that, which gives me yet another reason to like this. Specifically, that song is “The Willing Well IV – The Final Cut”. ^^

This piece wins on so many levels…I love it. I just frelling love it. <3
 
Umm, Wow, this was a nice story. But I think it should have been in the shipping fics section.

Well first part was rather cute, as Misty liked Ash and stuff. Then when May came in the story, Misty became this demon.

I doubt Misty would actually kill May, but then again, May did take Ash from Misty and Misty is a bit of a hothead. I liked the adjectives you described when Misty stabbed May. Poor May, all she wanted was to get married.

I didn't get the end though. Was the orange juice poisin? I doubt Misty would kill Ash too, but she is a crazy lover. I like how Misty commited suicide just to be with Ash in afterlife. I bet she's going to go to h*ll.

As much as I like those 'Happily ever after' romance stories and I hate those sad death stories, I have to admit I did like this story. At least Misty got be in Ash's arms, even though she killed him. And as much as I am a big Misty fan, you made me hate her in this story (Thats a good thing). This is one of the best one shots I have read. Poor Ash, Poor May.
 
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katiekitten

The Compromise
XD Lovely, Iceking. Evil, crazy Misty for the world. =D

Really nice emotion, really well written. Quite freaky. Me likey. XD
 
0-0;;;

Wow. Fenit's NU STYL3 scares me. ;-; At first it seemed like a cute, insincere little parody. Then I got to the part where Misty kills May. That was funny. Then I found out that she also killed Ash. That was scary.

I seriously think you should've just put "Ting-a-ling" at the very end. Don't ask why, but a little Vonnegut goes a looooooooong way.

Anyway, good job!
 

IceKing

Sexorific!
Bay

I think what I love most about this piece is the emotions. I can really feel Misty's crazy love for Ash, like I was inside her mind. I think this is my favorite part:

o_o Don't act on those feelings now

Hehe, real emotions there! XD

Excellent =D

I think the only criticism I can think of is the way you wrote Misty's killing May. I thought you went a bit quick, though maybe you did that to emphasize how fast May died. Eh, guess it's just that it was a bit too quick for my taste! ^^;;;

o_o You thought it was quick? My God, are you some sort of crazed lunatic XD As much as I would love to have continued May's painful death, I didn't want to sound too crazy XD

EDIT: Oy, the Monstar came. >.>

Probably an Advanceshipper

Jirachi

Wow. Talk about a crazy lover. I was wondering for a second what had happened but it all unravele beautifully after a while.

Haha, yes

I loved how you added the horror in here along with the romanticism. It was truly a great combination with you.

Didn't notice the comedy, either? I must have a weird sense of humor...

I really loved how well you wrote this. The emotions lined up very well. I really liked it. I really got nothing more I could say other than great piece of work.

Thanks for the review!

Sike

Oooh, I think you don't normally write this much text in your reviews so I'm excited to see what you have to say

This made me think of something—someone—do you know who? Starts with an “e”, ends with an “e”… Yes, that’s right. The one responsible for Rionette’s destruction. You see, pretty much every passage I read about May, my mind immediately applied to her. Like this one here…

I haven't even thought of that, but they really can interchange well

So, for me, there was a very special satisfaction in what befell May, for all the while I could so easily imagine it happening to…you know. X3

*nods* Hehe >=D

For that matter, the dark, psychotic nature of this piece in general won me over completely. I do indeed like a cute romance, but my favorite romances are the dangerous kind, the ****ed-up kind. <3 (Hell, for that matter, sometimes romances are both cute and ****ed-up, and that’s just a whole ‘nother level of awesome…but I digress. XD)

****ed up romances are so much more awesome

I loved how this seemed at first to be just a nice, pleasant reflection of Misty’s love for Ash—and then, at a really good pace, I might add, it went deliciously sour. The way it transitioned into its elements of jealousy and hatred and madness and murder and all that good stuff was great, quite adroitly executed.

Good thing I pulled it off well X_X It was the hardest thing to write, imo. I completely rewrote it once because I felt the emotions didn't transition well

In addition to the sweet stuff and the dark stuff, there were also a few nice sprinklings of humor. What’s more, there was some genuinely gorgeous language put to use in there, as well.

I need some doses of my humor

Nice attention to detail there, bra hanging off the fan and all. XD

I personally like wondering how it got there

Indeed, hers are rather dubiously large assets for someone who’s supposedly only ten… >.>

Indeed

That is seriously ****ing gorgeous. o.o

I was personally proud of the phrase "twinkling malevolently in the sun"



*rewinds scene* *mentally superimposes a certain someone’s face over May’s* *replays altered scene again and again*

Fwee. ^___^

I oughta draw some fanart to accompany it

Anyway, seriously, that murder scene was just awesome. Great carnage, great view into Misty’s sadistic relishing of the death she was dealing, and some seriously awesome details—I especially liked the “blood and silicon” part. X3

Blood and Silicon would have been an awesome title for this piece XD I might call it that in PokeMasters

Oh, and another thing: This put a song in my head, and a Coheed And Cambria song at that, which gives me yet another reason to like this. Specifically, that song is “The Willing Well IV – The Final Cut”. ^^

Hmm, I gotta listen to that

This piece wins on so many levels…I love it. I just frelling love it. <3

Thanks for the review!

Penngrade

Umm, Wow, this was a nice story. But I think it should have been in the shipping fics section.

no XD This is not shipping at all. I'm not shipping any charachters. The only ship I support is Pokeballthrowinghandshipping (Ash and His Right Hand)

Well first part was rather cute, as Misty liked Ash and stuff. Then when May came in the story, Misty became this demon.

Exactamundo

I doubt Misty would actually kill May, but then again, May did take Ash from Misty and Misty is a bit of a hothead. I liked the adjectives you described when Misty stabbed May. Poor May, all she wanted was to get married.

I doubt she would kill May too, but for the purposes of the story, their charachters were greatly exagerated XD Pssh, I doubt all May wanted to do was to get married

I didn't get the end though. Was the orange juice poisin? I doubt Misty would kill Ash too, but she is a crazy lover. I like how Misty commited suicide just to be with Ash in afterlife. I bet she's going to go to h*ll.

It indeed was. I direct you back to this paragraph that explains why

I simply sighed. I partially expected this. What he didn’t know was that I had given up on my dreams. When he married May, their souls became one. He was cursed forever; it was the biggest mistake of his life. Murdering May was not enough, a part of her still crept within him. There was only one way to destroy that part once and for all.

As much as I like those 'Happily ever after' romance stories and I hate those sad death stories, I have to admit I did like this story. At least Misty got be in Ash's arms, even though she killed him. And as much as I am a big Misty fan, you made me hate her in this story (Thats a good thing). This is one of the best one shots I have read. Poor Ash, Poor May.

Aww, don't hate Misty XD Hate the bimbo.

Katiekiteen

XD Lovely, Iceking. Evil, crazy Misty for the world. =D

Really nice emotion, really well written. Quite freaky. Me likey. XD

Don't talk to me =O

...errm, thanks for the review! Ill review ANnie Waits soon

Byzaz
0-0;;;

Wow. Fenit's NU STYL3 scares me. ;-; At first it seemed like a cute, insincere little parody. Then I got to the part where Misty kills May. That was funny. Then I found out that she also killed Ash. That was scary.

I seriously think you should've just put "Ting-a-ling" at the very end. Don't ask why, but a little Vonnegut goes a looooooooong way.

Anyway, good job!

Yes X_X Someone else found something funny in this fic. And only doorbells and doormen say ting-a-ling-ling
 

Pikachu Fan Number Nine

Don't Mess wit Texas
I liked this story a lot. Maybe Warrant's "I Saw Red" could be part of the soundtrack?
 

The Doctor

Absolute Beginner
...I'm not sure how to feel just now. That was the first fanfic, indeed the first time I bore witness to anything rated R and I'm still reeling.

This might seem radically different to anything you've done before, but I can still sense that old shadow lingering over: one of clever satire, in this case directed at Advanceshippers and the one who became the Phantom of the Monostar. The romance isn't syrupy, which when Roses and Chocolates is considered is usually the output, but spiky and dark, which is refreshing in this case. Description was very vivid (I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing) and you could picture yourself in the story's sadistic (pro/an)tagonist's shoes. I'll have to say, IK, this is a result of when satire and romance collide in perfect synchronisation.
 

Stephen~Azurill

lover of walruses
I didn't much like this. I liked the emotions, and I thought some parts were pretty funny, but I didn't really like it. Even though I don't like it, I think you wrote it very well. (...)
 

Burnt Flower

Horror Mistress
Stephen~Azurill said:
I didn't much like this. I liked the emotions, and I thought some parts were pretty funny, but I didn't really like it. Even though I don't like it, I think you wrote it very well. (...)
I find reviews that don't explain why they disliked a story to be of little help to the writer.

In contrast to the above reviewer, I positively adored this story. Romance and Horror are my two favorite genres, and I also like a good AAML now and then, so is it any surprise I loved this fanfic? Misty's dementia is written so...superbly, well, I do admit insane characters are my favorite to read and write, but I especially liked it because it was Misty. And like other reviewers said, May's death was awesome, mostly because I could imagine May's silicon bursting out...lovely mental image. <3

Another factor I found worthy of mention was the eroticism in this fic; I think you captured Misty's yearning to get into Ash's pants excellently. Many writers shy away from the sexual aspects in fics, so I applaud you for that, though I thought you could've gone just a step...ah...farther with that.

IceKing said:
As much as I would love to have continued May's painful death, I didn't want to sound too crazy XD
Who cares if you sound too crazy? Wrting is an act to let your imagination run free, not to restrain it. In my opinion, putting restrictions on your writing, hinders your writer capabilities.

Anyway, great job, IceKing. I'm proud of how you have evolved as a writer.
 

IceKing

Sexorific!
...I'm not sure how to feel just now. That was the first fanfic, indeed the first time I bore witness to anything rated R and I'm still reeling.

Oh dear, I'm not exactly an ideal transition

This might seem radically different to anything you've done before, but I can still sense that old shadow lingering over: one of clever satire, in this case directed at Advanceshippers and the one who became the Phantom of the Monostar. The romance isn't syrupy, which when Roses and Chocolates is considered is usually the output, but spiky and dark, which is refreshing in this case. Description was very vivid (I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing) and you could picture yourself in the story's sadistic (pro/an)tagonist's shoes. I'll have to say, IK, this is a result of when satire and romance collide in perfect synchronisation.

I hate syrupy romance. It's so boring. Misty is indeed the protoganist, protagonists aren't always the good guys. And thanks for commenting on the satire!

I didn't much like this. I liked the emotions, and I thought some parts were pretty funny, but I didn't really like it. Even though I don't like it, I think you wrote it very well. (...)

uhh, what exactly didn't you like?

In contrast to the above reviewer, I positively adored this story. Romance and Horror are my two favorite genres, and I also like a good AAML now and then, so is it any surprise I loved this fanfic? Misty's dementia is written so...superbly, well, I do admit insane characters are my favorite to read and write, but I especially liked it because it was Misty. And like other reviewers said, May's death was awesome, mostly because I could imagine May's silicon bursting out...lovely mental image. <3

It's always fun to have canon charachters become insane. The silicon bursting out may have just been one of Misty's crazy hallucinations XD

Another factor I found worthy of mention was the eroticism in this fic; I think you captured Misty's yearning to get into Ash's pants excellently. Many writers shy away from the sexual aspects in fics, so I applaud you for that, though I thought you could've gone just a step...ah...farther with that.

I did say it would be very erotic =O Ehh, I thought it was satisfactory at its level of sexiness. I mean, Misty did lust him but Ash ain't that attractive

Who cares if you sound too crazy? Wrting is an act to let your imagination run free, not to restrain it. In my opinion, putting restrictions on your writing, hinders your writer capabilities.

Well, I disagree. I don't think it's a good idea to go all out all the time. It would deminish the effectiveness in future works, for one thing
 

indigestible_wad

Well-Known Member
Screw the bike, I wanted that bod!
That made me lol.
It was barely the size of one of his closets and was strewn with clothes and paper; I could swear that it was a bra hanging from the dusty ceiling fan.
Too many its. It gets confusing. Especially when you use the word it to describe two different things.
She was a disgrace to women everyone, ensnaring men in her web of large breasts and lolicon sex appeal.
everywhere
I think of Ash and I working together to conquer Team Rocket; I think of playfully splashing each other in pools; I thought of that day in the Orange Islands, when I realized who it was that I loved…
Change in tense. There was also something at the beginning of the sentence, but I can't seem to remember what it was.

Shouldn't this be in shipping?

It has been so long since I've read anything close to a pokeshipping story. I found myself being pulled into the story as I read onward. It changed as it went on, and I did not expect what was coming while at the beginning of the story. It was nice how you incorporated comedy into the beginning and then slowly transferred to horror at the end. The transition was flawless.

I think that you should rate this R not only for language, but also for what happens in the end.
 

octoboy

I Crush Everything
hmmm... You are a good writer, that's for sure. I almost find it amusing that such a good fanfiction could be based on the pokeshipper advanceshipper rivalry. I wish you'd incorporated Team rocket into it, or said what happened to pikachu.
 

indigestible_wad

Well-Known Member
I think that incorporating anything else into it would have ruined it. The idea was simple and to the point. Adding other characters into the mix would have just put random gobbledygook in there that wouldn't have done anything but slowed the story down.
 

octoboy

I Crush Everything
yeah, one thing I notice is that Iceking didn't exactly capture the personalities of the real characters. May isn't really a ***** who's into oral sex, and Misty, like all main protagonists is a clean, loving person who has sympathy for everything but team rocket. I laughed at the thought of Ash calling anyone a b***h.

Not that that's a bad thing, you're still a good writer, just one question; what did you base this upon? Did this happen to you some time? Is there some other story you've based this upon?
 
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