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AshXMay, from the start. Rated R just in case. (but probably PG 13) advanceshipping

Discussion in 'Shipping Fics' started by 493pkmns, Jul 26, 2010.

  1. 493pkmns

    493pkmns secret suicune

    AshXMay, from the start. Rated PG 13. Advanceshipping

    3rd person POV

    important characters:
    Ash Ketchum 13
    May Maple 12
    Birch ??? 26-9

    Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon or any of its characters.
    Claimer: I do own the plot and content of this story.


    The sun was high in the sky, as a large boat with a pokeball painted on it's side, sliced gently through the ocean. On the deck, a young trainer with a yellow Pokemon on his shoulder was staring out at the ocean, grinning enthusiastically as the object of his journey, the Hoenn region, got closer and closer. The boy's name is Ash Ketchum and his partner was a Pikachu who was standing on his shoulder.

    "Finally, the Hoenn region. Lots of new Pokemon for me to catch and loads of new rivals for me to battle against!" The young teen exclaimed!

    "PI PIKA CHU!" His partner yelled happily.

    Chapter 1​

    On the same day, a young girl wearing a red bandana and shirt to match as well as a pair of navy blue short shorts and a brown waist bag, was biking over to Littleroot town to receive her starter pokemon from professor Birch who also happened to be a friend of the Maple family.

    Hi my name is May Maple, i'm Norman's daughter, and i'm here to pick up my starter Pokemon. She thought to herself.

    No that's not right. Hmmm how about. Hi, i'm the trainer who was supposed to pick up her starter today.

    "Yeah that's it!" She yelled causing a flock of taillow to fly away. "Oops I guess I said that one out loud."

    Suddenly a duskull popped up in front of her causing her to scream and lose control of the bike. As she struggled to regain control, she crashed into a tree that seemed to have popped up out of nowhere! She fell off her bike and groaned "Ugh I should have worn a helmet." After a few minutes sprawled out on the grass she got up and started off again. Finally she broke out of the forest and let out a gasp of wonder seeing the ocean for the first time of her life. After taking in the scene for a few minutes, she turned down to the path leading to Littleroot town. When she arrived at professor Birch's laboratory she found his assistant waiting for her outside.

    "You must be May." he said neutrally.

    "Yeah, umm i'm looking for professor Birch."

    "Unfortunately he had an emergency in the mountains, but he asked that you wait for him here."

    "Oh okay, in that case i'll go find him." She giggled as she biked away.

    "Hey hold on!" The assistant yelled after her.

    "I've never been much good at waiting." She called back. "Bye!"

    "These kids always in a hurry." He muttered under his breath.

    May sped up the trail leading to the mountains. Suddenly she heard barking noises that could only come from a pack of poochyena she turned towards them thinking that poochyena only bark when there's a very good reason italics/such as professor Birch!/italics she thought. She charged up a hill only to find a brown shoulder bag on the ground and Birch hanging from the limb of a tree with three poochyena barking at him. Professor birch was tall and probably in his late twenties, he had short brown hair, a brown goatee and a kindly face, he was wearing the professor's trademark white lab coat with a turquoise shirt underneath and khaki cargo pants.

    "Hey professor Birch." She called out to him with a smile.

    "Ah you must be May." "Great timing." He added. "Do you think you could open my bag please!"

    "Is this the one you mean."

    "Yes, now grab any of the pokeballs inside and hurry!"

    "That's easier said than done." she muttered. "Which one of them do you want?"

    "Anyone will do!" He yelled as the poochyena began jumping to try and grab him.

    "Okay this one!" she said as she picked a pokeball randomly from the bag.

    "Here goes!" she yelled as she threw the pokeball out popped…

    Author's notes I don't really know how I am supposed to put these in but this works. HAHAHAHAHA I am so evil on my first post I give you a cliffhanger. Heh sorry, anyways I have about 10 pages already so for now I will be posting a new chapter once a day (hopefully without too many cliffhangers!) But I will be posting chapter 2 in a minute or two

    please rate and review

    oh all of the rules apply but i don't care if anyone asks me when I will be posting and please don't hesitate to bash my fic it it sucks
    Last edited: Aug 5, 2011
  2. 493pkmns

    493pkmns secret suicune

    Chapter 2

    The beginnings

    3rd person POV

    important characters:
    Ash Ketchum 13
    May Maple 12
    Professor Birch ??? 26-9

    Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon or any of its characters.
    Claimer: I do own the plot and content of this story

    A mudkip!

    "MUDKIP!" it exclaimed joyously.

    "Perfect, a mudkip!" Birch exclaimed!

    "MUDKIP?" it said inquisitively.

    "That's good" she said in a low voice. "What now?"

    "Call out one of it's attacks!"

    "OK, which is?"

    "Just say use water gun now!"

    "Got it." She answered in a weak voice.

    "Well use water gun then" she said in a monotonous way.

    Mudkip launched a water gun which hit May in the face
    Birch sweatdroped. "Was that supposed to happen?" May asked.

    Birch sighs. The branch Birch was on snapped and he fell to where the poochyena were. Birch started running in a large circle to avoid them.

    "Mudkip this way!" he shouted!

    Mudkip nodded and jumped down, Birch ran over to mudkip and stood behind him.

    "Use water gun on the poochyena!" he called out.

    The poochyena stop in their tracks as Mudkip looks at them defiantly. Mudkip launches a powerful water gun attack propelling them out of sight.

    "Not bad." May comments.

    ---A few minutes later---​

    Birch returns Mudkip to it's pokeball and calls up to May:

    "Thanks for all your help May!"

    "Oh it was nothing." she replied.

    "You've sure grown a lot since I last saw you!" he said.

    "Professor, what's going on, why were you up in that tree?" she asked curiously.

    "there's really no time for this May, we'll catch up later" he said in a hurried voice.

    Suddenly they see a giant jet of reddish electrical energy burst up from the forest.

    "What's that?" May asked in a surprised voice!

    "Pikachu's electrical build-up is reaching critical mass!"

    "what?" she asks.

    "Pikachu, it might explode!" He answered in a slow voice before running off.

    "What?" she asked in a shocked voice before following him on her bike.

    Arriving in the clearing that the bolt came from they see a young boy, about 12 with messy dark hair wearing a red pokemon hat, a blue shirt, jeans and sneakers, getting up slowly with sparks coursing over his body before flickering out as he got up.

    "Pikachu come on, we've got to get back to Birch's lab now." he said gently.

    "Ash! Let's go, we have to get out of here now! Pikachu could explode at any moment!"

    So his name is Ash! But how does the professor know him? Thought May.

    "But I've got to help him!" Ash cries out!

    Pikachu suddenly gets up and runs off! "Hey Pikachu, come back!" Ash yelled!

    Pikachu just kept running through the tall grass and then suddenly fell off of a cliff!

    "NO" cries Ash, who had been following close by, and dives off the cliff after him "ASH" both Birch and May yell at the same time. Ash reached out and grabbed onto Pikachu and then managed to grab hold of a small tree growing out of the side of the cliff!

    "I'm going to help you Pikachu, don't worry!"

    Pikachu releases several jets of red electrical energy causing Ash intense pain.

    "Just hang on" Ash says. As the jets recede, a length of rope falls down to Ash.

    "Quick, Ash grab onto the rope!" Birch cried down to him.

    Ash quickly released the tree and grabbed on to the rope, then Birch with a little help from May, started pulling Ash up. Pikachu, when they were almost at the top, began to struggle fiercely in Ash's arms.

    "Pikachu hold still!" Ash cried, then Pikachu released some more electricity causing him even more pain.

    "Pikachu" he groaned, while Pikachu only struggled more than ever, suddenly Pikachu bit down on Ash's arm dishing out intense pain. He soon released several more volts while still refusing to let go of Ash's arm!

    "Pikachu." Ash groaned again.

    "Pika" Pikachu said inquisitively then his face brightened and he released Ash's arm.

    "I promise you you're going to be fine Pikachu" Ash said in a soothing way.

    "Pika pi" Pikachu said. Ash smiled and Pikachu frowned. Birch and May started pulling again, having stopped when Pikachu began to struggle. They got Ash to the top without any further incident.

    "That was close" May said, stating the obvious.

    "Thanks a lot you guys" Ash said, "Pikachu, what do you say we get you back to the lab and get you all better okay?" Ash said in a soft voice.

    "Pika" Pikachu said licking Ash's arm where he had bit it earlier.

    "Don't worry about it Pikachu I'm fine I know you didn't mean it little buddy. Ash said kindly.

    Author's notes: Well I still don't know how I'm supposed to put these in but anyways that concludes chapter 2

    I just hope somebody reads this eventually
    EDIT:YAY people read this!
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2010
  3. AshxMay4Life

    AshxMay4Life New Member

    this is really good (WHOOP FIRST REVIEW) can't wai to see what the next one'll be
  4. Encyclopika

    Encyclopika The Queen

    Please be sure to wait at least a day between chapters if no one reviews. Thank you.
  5. 493pkmns

    493pkmns secret suicune

    Chapter 3

    Team rocket!? Who are they?

    3rd person POV

    important characters:
    Ash Ketchum 13
    May Maple 12
    Birch ??? 26-9
    James ??? 17
    Jessie ??? 17

    Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon or any of its characters.
    Claimer: I do own the plot and content of this story.

    Now continuing from right there!​

    "Prepare for trouble" a hesitant female voice said "hmm what's the point, oh well." she said as a giant black foot connected to a huge red leg came crashing down to earth lifting a big cloud of dust and making a sound loud enough that it could be heard from all over the forest!

    "Huh what's that?" Birch asked seeing the large red mecha in front of them.

    It had two large black feet and thick red legs. But at the top of the leg a small beam was used to connect the leg to the main body. The main body section looked like a giant red barrel but with a black stripe that went all the way around. It's arms were connected in the same way as the legs but instead of hands there were two large tanks with openings at the end. At the top of it's head, it had two antennae that resembled those on the top of an elekid's head. but mainly, standing on it's head were two people. On the right, a woman with long red-purple hair that went out towards the back stiffly almost like a tail. She was wearing a white tank top with a big red R on it, it was sliced down the middle to just above her breasts revealing a black shirt underneath, as well as a pair black boots that went up to her thighs right where the white skirt left off, thus leaving her belly visible. On the left, a man with short straw-like blue hair wearing a white shirt with a big red R on it, he was also wearing long black gloves, white pants and black boots. They were both around 17.

    "Prepare for trouble" the woman said

    "make it double" said the man

    "to protect the world from devastation"

    "to unite all peoples within our nation"

    "to denounce the evils of truth and love"

    "to extend our reach to the stars above"



    "team rocket blasts off at the speed of light"

    "surrender now or prepare to fight"

    "Meowth, that's right."

    "Professor Birch, that's team rocket. They keep trying to steal Pikachu!" Ash said in a hurried voice.

    "Team rocket? Who are they?" asked May.

    "I've never heard of them" said Birch.

    "take my word for it they're always up to no good."

    As Jessie, James and Meowth fell back into their seats meowth said:

    "Poor Pikachu used it's last thunderbolt."

    "My aren't we confident" James said sarcastically,

    "HAHAHAHA. Well I for one have done my homework. Now dig this, i've built a machine that can beat Pikachu at it's own nasty game! No matter how high these volts go." He said pointing to a diagram with two rising red bars. The one on the left representing pikachu's voltage, and the one on the right showing the machines absorption rate. "This machine il' absorb em'." He said as the left bar stopped rising and the right one skyrocketed.

    "Piiikaa" Pikachu groaned.

    "Don't do anything Pikachu!"

    "That's how you wanna play? fine with us!" Meowth's voice exploded from the speakers as out of a small explosion popped a metallic arm which grabbed Pikachu right out of Ash's arms!

    "NOOO" Ash yelled as Pikachu was lifted up. Once there two suction cups were placed on Pikachu's cheeks.

    "Hit it James!" Meowth yelled out.

    James pulled a lever and forced Pikachu to discharge electricity turning the arms into a mess of glowing reddish sparks which the mecha sucked up ravenously causing a meter to fill up on it's belly.

    "HAHAHAHAHA What an electrifying moment for team rocket!" Meowth laughed.

    "Shocking" James commented simply.

    "PIIKAAA" Pikachu cried as it's electrical energy was drained right out of it's body.

    "Pikachu!" Ash cried out to his partner.

    "HAHAHAHA" Meowth and James cackled as the meter kept rising.

    "Took a while but i'm pleased to announce we've come up with a winner" Meowth said excitedly.

    "I don't think so." Jessie said dejectedly.

    "AAAAAHH, OH NO!" Meowth yelled as the meter nearly reached the top.

    Pikachu began sparking stronger than ever now releasing steady streams of energy all around.

    "Professor?" Ash said nervously.

    "Wow! He's strong!" May said. Just like Ash! he didn't hesitate one second to dive off that cliff to protect Pikachu! She thought to herself

    "Pikachu's output is INCREDIBLE!" Birch exclaimed!

    "AAAAAHH" Jessie, James and Meowth screamed at the same time just as the meter halted just below the top.

    "Heh heh heh don't worry guys" Meowth said nervously.

    "Do I look worried to you" James answered with a terrified expression on his face.

    "Oh well another Blast Off" Jessie said still dejected.

    Then the electricity stopped flowing out of Pikachu's body and his face, which had been contorted with pain, brightened and said:

    "PIKA" giving Ash a thumbs up before using Thunderbolt "PIKA CHUUUUUUUUU" causing the entire mecha to be surrounded by a golden-yellow halo also releasing beams of energy here and there one of them ended up hitting… May's bike

    "AAAAAAAAHH my bike is barbecued!" she screamed her hair sticking straight up in shock.

    at the same time inside the cockpit the Rocket trio was getting zapped

    "Uh oh looks like another blast off" Jessie said still dejected.

    "WOBBUFFET" Wobbuffet cried.

    The following explosion could be seen all the way to littleroot town.

    "Why, why did Pikachu blast us off again?" Meowth asked.

    "Because that's what he does!" James yelled as they flew out of sight.

    "PIIIKA" Pikachu said with a tough a tough look on his face. Then he became very weak and fell on the grass.

    "PIKACHU." Ash cried out "Pikachu." he said as he arrived next to him and knelt down to pick him up. Carrying Pikachu with him Ash ran back to the lab closely followed by May and Birch. Upon arrival they hooked Pikachu up to an electricity measurer.

    "Professor Birch, it appears Pikachu's electrical pressure levels have returned to normal. Birch's Assistant said, dumbstruck.

    "Good. That machine of Team rocket's must have absorbed all of his unneeded electricity."

    "Pikachu" Ash said with a relieved tone of voice.

    "A good night's sleep should do the trick."

    May had been watching discreetly from behind a flower pot thinking. Wow he cares so much about his pokemon. In general I don't even like pokemon. May then accidentally knocked over the flower pot she was hiding behind, luckily, she managed to catch it but her presence was revealed.

    "Huh" Ash said noticing May.

    "Uh, I thought i'd introduce myself" she said hiding the flower pot behind her back and blushing slightly. "I'm May Maple I come from Petalburg city."

    "And i'm Ash Ketchum from Pallet town. Pallet is in the Kanto region."

    "So how's Pikachu?" she asked quietly.

    "He's sleeping pretty good." "Finally." he said as an afterthought.

    "By tomorrow Pikachu should be good as new."

    "Okay, good. But what was up with him? I mean what happened?" she asked

    "Well," Ash began, "To get from Kanto to here I had to take a really long boat ride. On the boat there weren't really any trainers so pikachu didn't get a chance to discharge any electricity like he normally would when I was traveling through Kanto, Johto and the Orange islands. So by the time we docked here in littleroot Pikachu had a really bad fever and was acting weird. So I asked someone passing by where the pokemon centre was, but he said that there wasn't one in Littleroot so I called professor Birch's lab but he wasn't there so his lab assistant called him in the mountains Birch got there just a few minutes later. Once we made it to the lab we hooked Pikachu up to an energy draining device but Pikachu pumped so much juice into it that it exploded Birch explained to me that Pikachu would explode if we didn't drain the energy out but that Pikachu wasn't rational in his current state of mind. At that point Pikachu bolted I ran after him but soon Birch caught up to me with his Jeep I jumped in and we took off after Pikachu. Eventually we split up to cover more ground I went left. Birch went right. I eventually caught up to Pikachu but he knocked me out with an electric jolt. When I woke up I Tried to reason with him but then Birch called at me from behind I turned around and you and Birch. And you know it from there."

    "Well now May, are you ready to choose your first pokemon?" Birch asked kindly.

    "What? you're first Pokemon!? Cool!" Ash said

    "These three pokeballs contain starter pokemon. The current options are… Mudkip, whom you are already acquainted with, treecko and torchic." Birch said releasing the beginner trio.

    "Oh, cool. They're awesome!" Ash said enthusiastically.

    "You like pokemon quite a lot don't you Ash" Said Birch.

    "Yeah I love em'!"

    "I don't." Said May. "I've been afraid of pokemon all my life. But that one," she said pointing to Torchic "Isn't too bad! I pick that one!"

    "M-M-May, y-y-you don't like Pokemon?" Ash said, surprised. "Hey I know, I'll help you get over your fear of pokemon. OK?"

    "Well I guess, sure, why not!"

    "Awesome, it's a deal!"

    "May, don't forget your pokeballs. And you'd better take a Pokedex as well." Birch said. "If you work hard, you can be an even better trainer than your father!"

    "Sounds like a great goal May!" Ash said enthusiastically.

    "Uhhhh heh heh. Yeah I suppose." May said nervously.

    "What you don't want to do gym battles?"

    "Well, no, not really. on TV the other day I saw a pokemon contest which is a test of skill AND beauty so I decided that if I got a pokemon I would get to travel if I did pokemon contests."

    "OK, that sounds cool!"

    I just hope my dad thinks so too.

    Author's notes: Sorry for the wait I just left calgary after a month so I'm still adjusting. Hopefully I will be posting more frequently but I am leaving for niagra falls this sunday so it might still be unstable.

    Please R&R

    Peace ;026; ;492-s; ;245;
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2010
  6. 493pkmns

    493pkmns secret suicune

    Chapter 4

    First travels

    May's POV

    important characters:
    Ash Ketchum 13
    May Maple 12
    Nurse Joy ??
    Professor Auldin ??
    Team ????? grunts ??

    Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon or any of its characters.
    Claimer: I do own the plot and content of this story.

    That was two days ago. That was the day I first met Ash!

    Yesterday, Professor Birch said that we should sign up for our leagues at the oldale pokemon center. Me contests and Ash the pokemon league! Ash was really nice and said that I could come with him because I was scared to go alone by foot. On the way I learned how to use my pokedex and found out some cool things about my Torchic! I also tried to catch an Azurill at the time I didn't really know how to catch it so I just threw a pokeball first thing! I thought I caught it but then it popped back out again! Ash explained to me that you had to battle it to weaken it and THEN throw an empty pokeball. So I released Torchic to battle. Having read up on Torchic's attacks I called for a peck attack! Torchic and I were really in sync even though I just got it! He jumped into the air and landed a powerful Peck attack on Azurill! Azurill bounced on the ball of its tail, spun around and slammed Torchic with it's tail! Torchic got up quickly and I called for Ember. Torchic spat tiny embers out of it's mouth but Azurill just bounced and dodged. Torchic jumped in without waiting for a command and used scratch which knocked out the little blue pokemon!

    Ash said: "Now, you throw the pokeball."

    So I did. The ball wobbled around a bit and then, 'DING' the pokeball locked! I yelled so loudly that my dad probably heard me all the way in petalburg city!


    Ash told me: "Congratulations! But keep it down!" Pointing to the flocks of Taillow flying away.. "Also after capturing a pokemon you should get it healed up at a pokemon center as well as the pokemon who battled, like right now, Torchic is probably very tired and so is Azurill! So we ran towards the pokemon center but we couldn't seem to find it! Later we came across a strange rock formation with ruins built around it and someone working there stepped out suddenly from behind the rocks!

    Hi, I'm Professor Auldin. And these are the ruins of Oldale!" He said cheerfully

    Ash introduced us both and then asked:

    "Could you please tell us where the pokemon center is? My friend has two pokemon with low energy but we can't seem to find it." Ash asked Auldin.

    "Well you're almost there it's just down this hill!" He said pointing straight in front of us where we could start to see the pokemon center.

    "Thank you so much!" Ash said before following me down the hill.

    That evening when we made it to the pokemon center I asked nurse Joy if she could help my two tired pokemon.

    She explained to me smiling that that was what she was there for and gave me a tray to put my pokeballs on. Then she took the tray and put it on a scanner and told me that all they needed was a good night's sleep and they would be good as new.

    "Hey Ash, now that I'm in a pokemon center, would you show me around?" I asked him.

    He said yes but said that he needed to make a call and brought me tho the video phones. He called professor oak and they chatted for a few minutes and then Oak said a quick hello to me, ME! Proffesor OAK paid attention to ME! Well anyways after he said good luck to us both and hung up. Then Ash showed me a few of the center's rooms and then after the trainer's rooms he brought me to the lobby where the trainers can stay and talk about things

    "I heard that petalburg city has a new gym leader!" said one of the trainers

    Ash hearing this jumped over there in a flash ans asked them if they knew who the new gym leader was but I caught his arm and dragged him away

    "Can't you see that I'm starving!" I said

    Later, at the restaurant, once they had brought us our food, Professor Auldin, that we had met at the ruins came up to us and said:

    "Ah, the two weary travelers!"

    "Huh." Me and Ash said together. "Oh, hi Auldin!" Ash said recognizing the professor.

    After supper we followed Auldin to his room where he told us about the ruins.

    "And legend has it that the underground room is the bridge between our world and the ancient pokemon world." He said "But all attempts to enter the room are thwarted by a mechanism that just makes it crumble when we try to go in so we don't know what's in there!" He finished.

    "What do you mean by ancient pokemon?"

    "well, i'm not talking about extinct fossil pokemon like aerodactyl or kabutops I mean old pokemon that have leaved for millenia without changing at all!"

    italics/Wow maybe there's more to pokemon than i thought!/italics

    "Cool!" Ash said "I wish I could meet an ancient pokemon!"

    "Well, you just might get your wish! On this tablet," he said picking up a thick stone tablet, "is written the correct way to enter the cavern!"

    "Let's go then!" Ash exclaimed!

    "Hold on, there are four keys required to enter that haven't yet been found so I'm afraid we'll have to wait just bit longer."

    "I sure hope you find those four keys quickly!" said Ash just as the lights went out.

    'SLAM' everyone whirled around and we saw three figures wearing red uniforms with a big black M on it, they were wearing red glasses and they're pokemon, three houndoom, were wearing golden body armor.

    "Professor Auldin," said the man in the middle in a gravely voice. "We would like you to accompany us on a little journey to the oldale ruins!"

    "I will NOT!"

    "I'm sorry professor Auldin," came nurse Joy's voice, "When the power went," then noticing the men she said "Ohh" and then when another goon grabbed her from behind she yelled again

    "Now professor would you like to change your mind?" The middle one said evilly.

    "Yes alright! I'll go with you."

    Then they threw me, Ash, Pikachu and nurse Joy into some sort of warehouse with lots of crates in it. For a while Ash just banged on the door yelling to have them let us out when I said:

    "What do they want?"

    "To get inside the Chamber no doubt" Speculated Joy.

    "Do you know those people nurse Joy?" Ash asked her.

    "No I don't but I,m sure they caused that black-out by cutting the power here to the center." She said then gasped "Then that means all of the pokemon here are in danger!"

    "Wait you mean my Torchic and Azurill are in trouble!?" I asked nervously.

    "We have to switch over to our reserve power right away!"

    "To do that we'll have to get out of here first." Ash said darkly

    "PIKAPII" Pikachu called out in an excited way.

    "PIKACHUU PIKA PI CHU PI!" he explained hurriedly.

    "Oh an air shaft Pikachu That's great!"

    Ash pulled off the cover and started crawling through the tunnel. I decided that I couldn't just wait around so I followed him. Eventually we came to a split

    "Oh no Which way do we go!" Ash said

    "PIKAA" Pikachu said his ears twitching "CHAAA" He said pointing to the right and then to the left.

    "Yes! The exit, good work Pikachu!"

    italics/Wow Pikachu is cute, smart and powerful! I didn't know pokemon could be so amazing and complex!/italics "Wow your Pikachu is really smart!" I said out loud.

    Ash slammed into the grate with his shoulder and then got up and ran towards the desk. I followed him but went into the back to turn on the reserve power while he got the master key nurse Joy told us about. We ran back to the warehouse.

    "All set!" Ash said to nurse Joy.

    "Great, Ash!"

    "Do you think you'll be alright here?"

    "You bet!

    "Perfect We're going to go help professor Auldin!"
    Author's notes:
    Well I'm sorry for the long wait but as I had said my vacation plans were a bit... well distant. So I will be posting in chunks until school starts at which point I should be posting about a chapter a week. Maybe.

    Please R&R if you read this because if you like it but don't say and everyone does that then no one says anything and I will discontinue my story

    PS: If you are reading this, like it, would want to review but don't have an account. Just make one it's quick and easy to do!
    Last edited: Aug 26, 2010
  7. 493pkmns

    493pkmns secret suicune

    chapter 5

    Team rocket! You again!?

    May's POV

    important characters:
    Ash Ketchum 13
    May Maple 12
    Jessie ??? 17
    James ??? 17
    Professor Auldin ??

    Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon or any of its characters.
    Claimer: I do own the plot and content of this story.

    We ran outside and dashed towards the ruins. I stopped to pick up Torchic and Azurill. By the time we got there though everyone was leaving in a helicopter. That's when we noticed Auldin sitting on the ground. We ran over to him and I asked:

    "Are you going to be alright?

    "Well, Yes, i'm fine!"

    "What a relief!"

    "Who were those guys any way?" Ash said.

    All of a sudden we heard:


    "You guys!" Ash said looking straight at Team Rocket. They were holding four shiny orbs one red one blue one yellow and one green!

    "Rats it appears we've been discovered!" said Jessie.

    "Hey you guys give back those treasures!" Auldin said exasperatedly.

    "Arbok, GO!" She yelled throwing her pokeball into the air.

    "Weezing you too!" cried james releasing it from it's pokeball.

    "Two against one? That's hardly fair!" I said realeasing my Torchic from it's pokeball

    "Pikachu, use Quick attack on Arbok!"

    "Torchic use your peck on Weezing!"

    The attacks both hit there mark and Arbok and Weezing were sent flying hitting there masters on the way. Luckily for us the impact made them drop the orbs.

    "Pikachu Thunderbolt em'!"

    italics/Huh Ash is attacking the trainers! That doesn't seem quite right?/italics

    Pikachu loosed a humongous thunderbolt which created an explosion that sent team rocket, to quote, "BLASTING OFF AGAAAIIIIINNNN" Proffesor Auldin put the little orbs back into the door to the stone chamber.

    "Huh?" we all said at once as the sun started to rise.

    "The sun's up!" Ash said

    "PIKAAA" commented Pikachu

    "Is it morning already?" I asked no one in particular.

    Sudenly the orbs behind us started glowing and humming then the light spread through all of the little grooves on the door and walls making the block of stone that passed for a door moved and underneath it was a staircase leading down into the ground!

    "Well let's take a look!" Auldin said enthusiastically.

    We walked down for a while and eventually came to a cavern with a lake in it

    "It's an underground water supply!"

    "It smells so fresh and clean!" I said

    "You're right!" Ash said

    "I wonder if it leads out to sea!?"

    Then out of the blue (Pun intended) jumped a pokemon! it looked like a fish and a rock type its body was grey here and brown there with spots here and there and a red spot in the middle of it's body!

    "No way! The ancient pokemon Relicanth!" said Auldin



    "Wow, it's true, these ruins are a portal between the present and the past!"

    Later, when we got back tho the center we left our pokemon with nurse Joy and went to get some sleep. I woke up before Ash so I wrote this dayery (day diary) to remember what's happened to me after only two days traveling with Ash!
    Author's notes:

    OK seriously unless I get some ratings, reviews, comments, SOMETHING! that tells me that people read this I am not going to write anything new. Just post what is already written. I know people read this because I am currently at 423 views and counting but nobody bothers to say anything so for me that is like no one reads it or no one cares I don't know, and if no one cares then there is no point in writing it. In a few words, I am not writing anything new until I get a comment or review or SOMETHING!
    Last edited: Aug 27, 2010
  8. TheRoyalGuard1

    TheRoyalGuard1 火および電光

    Excellent you got yourself a reader :)
  9. 493pkmns

    493pkmns secret suicune

    chapter 6

    Onward! To Petalburg city!

    May's POV

    important characters:
    Ash Ketchum 13
    May Maple 12

    Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon or any of its characters.
    Claimer: I do own the plot and content of this story.

    I’m going back to bed.

    "When Ash wakes up we can head out to Petalburg city!" But for now I’m going to get some more sleep!


    This time when I woke up Ash was awake and was talking to Pikachu in a low voice. Two pokeballs were on the table next to my bed.


    "Oh hey good afternoon May!" Ash said cheerfully. "I brought your Pokémon back from Nurse Joy. Why don't you let them out?"

    "Sure" I answered releasing azurill and Torchic "Hi guys how are you doing today?"

    "TORCHIC TOR TOR CHIC" "AZU ZU RIL ILILILIL" They said cheerfully.

    "Great I'm really glad you guys are feeling better!"

    "Hey May maybe we should head towards Petalburg now."

    "Sure. I'd love too!" I said "Let's go right now!"

    So we headed out but once we made it onto the road Ash said:

    "Oh yeah, I never did find out who the new Petalburg gym leader is!"

    "Oh I don't know." I said turning away from Ash so that he wouldn’t see the grin, and blush, growing on my face!

    So we travelled to Petalburg, it took about a day.
    Author's notes OK since I said what I did in my last post i did some poking around all over serebii some here some there and I came across a little piece of wisdom so now I am not writing for all of you who did not review I am writing for the two who did and myself (mainly myself) I don't want to give up this story eventually people will come across it (Since my goal is to loosely follow the anime so it will be going on as long as the anime is) my point being I don't care whether or not I get reviews anymore (I would still like them but I no longer consider it vital) so I won't stop writing and for all of you annoying people who read it but won't review but still like it well it's back on for you too.
  10. 493pkmns

    493pkmns secret suicune

    chapter 7

    The Journey

    3rd person POV

    important characters:
    Ash Ketchum 13
    May Maple 12

    Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon or any of its characters.
    Claimer: I do own the plot and content of this story

    (But rather than skipping the journey completely, I'll just fill you in on some little details)

    "It's getting dark we should stop soon." May said

    "Alright we'll set up camp in this clearing, I'll go get some firewood you pitch the tents. OK?" I said.

    "Sure. But I'm not sure I know how to pitch a tent." May said hesitantly

    "It's alright think of this as a practice run."

    "OK then" she said "But first, Come on out Torchic. You too Azurill. Help me Pitch these tents. OK?"


    "TOR CHIC"


    "Come on Pikachu let's go."

    I left May and her pokemon at the camp site and heade out into the woods to gather some wood but my thoughts were elsewhere

    Wow she sure has progressed a lot in such a short time i mean earlier she was all

    "You like pokemon quite a lot don't you Ash" Said Birch.

    "Yeah I love em'!"

    "I don't." Said May. "I've been afraid of pokemon all my life. But that one," she said pointing to Torchic "Isn't too bad! I pick it!"

    "M-M-May, y-y-you don't like Pokemon?" Ash said, surprised. "You know what? I'll help you get over your fear of pokemon. OK?"

    "Well I guess, sure, why not!"

    "Awesome, it's a deal!"

    But now even just earlier today

    "Oh hey good afternoon May!" Ash said cheerfully. "I brought your pokemon back from nurse Joy. Why don't you let them out"

    "Sure" I awnsered releasing azurill and Torchic "Hi guys how are you doing today?"

    "TORCHIC TOR TOR CHIC" "AZU ZU RIL ILILILIL" They said cheerfully.

    "Great I'm really glad you're both feeling better!"



    "Huh Pikachu what is it?"


    "A challenge! From..?"


    "A meditite?"


    "Oh you sensed my experience and want to battle a trainer like me? Well i'm flattered sure i'll battle you!"

    "All right let's go Pikachu start out with quick attack!"

    Then just as Pikachu got close it jumped out of the way and orbs of white light started spinning around it and then launched towards Pikachu

    "Pikachu use double team and then thunderblot on the tree!"

    Pikachu began vibrating at high speeds and then images flew out and surrounded meditite the hidden power hit an illusion which promptly disapeared Meditite used meditate as Pikachu launched thunder bolt and then charged towards one of the copys it's fist crackling with electric sparks the sparks drew the thunderbolt so meditite was charging towards Pikachu using thunder punch to drag the thunderbolt with him.

    Only one way out of this

    "Pikachu don't move a muscle and jump when i tell you." "Wait for it, wait for it, NOW!"

    Pikachu leapt into the air barely dodging meditites fist which slammed into the ground losing all it's electrical charge allowing the thunderbolt to hit meditite making him lose the match.

    "Meditite are you all right?" I asked it running over.

    "Yes I am fine but I would like very much to join you so that I may train more master Ash" It told me by telepathy

    "Huh you talk? Err I mean sure I'd love for you to join me!"

    I took a pokeball off my belt and gave it to meditite it hit the button and was sucked in in. Wobble. Wobble. Wobble. *DING*

    "Awesome I caught a meditite!"


    Well I better get back to the campsite I have enough firewood to last a month!

    Once I got back to camp I set up the fire pit and Torchic lit the fire. Then I went over to May who had been right: She really didn't know how to pitch a tent. As we slid in the poles my hand brushed aginst her's and my heart skipped a beat, I could feel my face heating up. I was blushing now and I knew it, and so did May, she asked me why, and I barely managed to get out an intelligible awnser. Ya'see I'm kinda like a Squirtle. If I get embarassed i retreat in my shell and can't do the talking thing so much. So I muttered off something not too sure what and jumped in the lake. Literally. My mom once told me about this feeling, (the one I have when I'm around may), I don't remember what it was but she said keep it close but not too close and when I touched her hand I felt it really strong like never before anywhere. Anyway back to the story. After the lake I got out and dried off May asked me what that was about so I told her the first thing that popped into my mind:

    "Well it's that I... When... w-w-when our h-hands brushed, i-i-it was the f-f-first ti-time I had t-t-touched, a g-girl's h-hand?"

    "Really?" I've touched plenty of boys' hands "Do you want to try again?" she asked barely containing a smile. She thought she had me but she was wrong. My two options were basically Yes or No but I couldn't say no it was just wrong so I had to say yes but that was wrong too. So...

    "I don't know I t-th-think that's enough n-n-new th-things for t-today m-m-maybe tommorow?" I said hopefully.

    "Maybe." then she walked away and Pikachu came and whispered in my ear.

    "Yeah that's right, but I don't remember what." I replied.
    Author's notes: Okay I'm back for good now after posting the last chapter I just disappeared off the face of the internet for a while that is because I got a fancy new device and I got completely sucked into it. On a funnier note did any one see episode 643 as far as I am concerned that episode was the funniest to watch ever. Period. It also contained the most shipping hints for Penguinshipping (Dawn♥Kenny). I laughed. Many times. A lot.
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2010
  11. 493pkmns

    493pkmns secret suicune

    Chapter 8

    The arrival: Petalburg city

    Ash's POV

    important characters:
    Ash Ketchum 13
    May Maple 12

    Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon or any of its characters.
    Claimer: I do own the plot and content of this story.

    The next day we packed up and left for petalburg we made it right around noon.

    "Pikachu our first gym in the hoenn region is coming up!"


    "Hey Ash would you mind waiting up! I mean what's the big rush?"

    "I've got a gym battle waiting for me down there! Let's go Pikachu!" I yelled starting down the hill at a run.

    "PI PIKA CHU!"

    "Hey wait up!" May called after me.

    I kept running but I wasn't paying much attention to the road so I hit a rock and tripped. That gave May enough time to catch up to me.

    "Come on Ash slow down!" May told me

    I got back up and triede to keep running but may grabbed me by the back of the shirt and I ended up dragging her down. At the bottom she stopped me and made me sit down on some rocks next to a playground.

    "So petalburg gym is a big deal for you huh."

    "Are you kidding if I win in a gym battle there I get a badge and once I get eight of those badges I can compete in the Hoenn league"

    "That sounds great I guess."


    "Come on you want to compete in the Hoenn league, right!"

    May got a shocked look on her face and then said

    "Oh yeah of course heh heh."

    Hmmm somethings not right here "Thought so! I wonder what the petalburg gym leader is gonna be like."

    "I'm sure he's a nice guy"

    what waqs that she sounded... hmmm not sure "What! May do you know him!"

    "What me!" She said nervously. But then perkily: "I don't really know him that well, The word on the street is he's very kind and also very strong and of course I hear he's very handsome and a really great man!"

    what the heck she is just weird!"Sounds like you know him pretty well."

    "Mmm no, I just wish I did." now sounding dejected.

    "Hey I know, why don't you come with me and then we can meet him togethor!"

    "Well I really can't, uhh"

    "Why not!"

    "well you see uhhh, I just have to go and take care of a few things first." She said as she was walking away. "Later Ash!".

    Sheesh that girl is weird!

    "Pika Pika" Pikachu waved goodbye.

    "uh okay see you."

    So I walked to the petalburg gym.
    Author's notes: The first real battle will be either the next chapter or the one after that. So until then:
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2010
  12. 493pkmns

    493pkmns secret suicune

    Chapter 9

    Petalburg gym: leader confusion part 1

    Ash`s POV

    important characters:
    Ash Ketchum 13
    Max Maple 8

    Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon or any of its characters.
    Claimer: I do own the plot and content of this story.

    The petalburg gym was pretty impressive it had an ancient dojo look to it. As I came up the stairs I saw that it was really a nice place. I walked in and found that

    the battlefield was inside. The roof was pretty high up 5 times how tall I am, in fact just the door was about twice my height! The battlefield was standard dirt.

    "I'm Ash from pallet town and I want a battle!" I told the empty room. I was expecting the gym leader to come from the other end of the field but instead a little kid came shooting out from behind me. He was about half as tall as me with blueish-green hair and glasses. He was wearing a green T-shirt, green shorts and green sneakers.

    "I want a battle this I want a battle that doesen't anybody not want a battle! Hi I'm Max and I'm the gym leader around here. HEY WAITAMINUTE YOU'RE YOU!"

    Umm what in Ho-oh's name is he talking about.

    "You were in the johto league silver conference!"

    Okay yeah maybe he isn't off the wacko

    "You lost in the second round!"

    Ughh Why!?

    "hold on, your name, don't tell me, your name your name it's ALF!"

    God, he's an idiot. "It's Ash."

    "Hey and that's your pikachu!"

    Duh, what do you think it is, a magikarp

    "I watched you compete at the silver conference live and then i've been watching the videos i've made of it ever since!"

    He. Is. A. Freak! "Wow."

    "Yup, you lost iin the second round and then you got knocked out by Harrison and his blazekin and that aws it for you"

    oh yeah right right back into the losses again. "Do you have to keep talking about the ones I lost. Bes ides I did make it to the victory round though"

    "I know your battle was totally awesome! I was on the edge of my seat the whole time! That final battle between charizard and blaziken was totally awesome! Both

    pokemon just kept taking one attack after the other and getting back up! But I guess charizard just couldn't handle it. If you had to do it over again don't you thinl

    you would have used charizard's attacks more effectively. If I would've been in there I would've won it. You still have a long way to go!"

    Gorram* this kid what in blazes is he talking about besides, "It's one thing to watch it on TV it's a whole other thing to actually be battling!"

    "so do I detect some sour grapes*!"


    "Thought so. You've got some nerve coming here after losing in round two!"

    "That's enough! I didn't lose in round two, My name isn't Alf and i'm here for a gym battle if you're too chicken to fight me then shut up about doing better than me!"

    "Hey I was just pointing out that I know my way around a field better than you. Now if you want a battle then here are the rules: Three on three elimination match the

    challenger calls out his pokemon first but the challenger s=also gets the first move. So are you in or out!"

    Uh oh, I only have pikachu and meditite and meditite dosen't have any battle experience so i'll just have to wipe him with pikachu. "All right I accept your

    rules, I call pikachu."

    "Uhh, okay I just need to go get ... er my pokemon i'll be right back!"

    And max ran off Talk about a weird kid as I stood there I told pikachu my strategy: that he would have to conserve his energy to be able to wipe out all three of Max's

    pokemon. When max came pack in he was carrying three pokballs.

    "Alright here comes Slaking!" Max yelled as he threw the pokemon out popped a sla... koth? "Huh I thought..." then he threw the rest of the pokeballs. Out came a slaking and a vigoroth

    This could be hard
    Author's notes: Well after a little consideration I decided to split this into two parts the first part meeting Max and the second the battle and the rest in the next chapter
    BTW 11/12/10: Just watched the latest episode summary of events: Infernape learns flare blitz, battle begins, all three of Ash's pokemon are revealed, Ash pawns two of conways pokemon (noctowl FTW!), noctowl and donphan get pawned by dusknoir after having trick room activated, Gible pawns dusknoir by eating it's shadow punch
    also BTW as of now my posts will include the number of days until christmas! [​IMG]
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2010
  13. narutofan32121

    narutofan32121 New Member

    Read all the chapters tonight. I like the developing relationship between May and Ash. I also like the fact that you switch POVs so we get a good feel of what each character is thinking. Overall, I can't wait to see how the story develops, especially after you break away from the anime. Keep up the great work. You've made a reader out of me!
  14. 493pkmns

    493pkmns secret suicune

    Chapter 10
    Petalburg gym: Leader Confusion Part 2

    Ash's POV

    Important Characters:
    Ash Ketchum, 13
    Max Maple, 8

    Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon or any of its characters.
    Claimer: I do own the plot and content of this story.

    "All right, Slaking, let's take him down," Max called out to his Slaking.

    *Slaking yawns*

    "Okay, Pikachu, remember what I told you; use thunderbolt!"

    "Slaking, use protect! And then get into it with focus punch."

    Slaking created a green barrier that completely blocked thunderbolt but then he stopped and just stood there.

    "Pikachu, Slaking has the truant ability; he can only hit one out of two times! So use agility!"

    "Alright, Slaking may be slow but ExtremeSpeed isn't. Go!"

    Pikachu started running around, building up more and more speed, but Slaking jumped and tackled him without a second thought. Pikachu was pushed away but he got back


    "Pikachu, use thunder!"

    "Using a higher base power attack won't stop us! Slaking, use dynamicpunch!"

    "Pikachu, grab onto it and use thunder one more time!"

    Pikachu leapt into the air and grabbed Slaking's fist as it swung by and loosed a powerful thunder attack into Slaking, creating an explosion that filled the gym with

    dust. When the dust cleared, Pikachu was standing on Slaking, its cheeks sparking, and then, Slaking fainted. Max recalled Slaking and sent Vigoroth to battle Pikachu.

    "You won't beat vigoroth!"

    Oh yes, I will! Especially with Pikachu fighting like this! "Where are your cracks about being better than me now!" I answered with a grin.

    "Vigoroth, use double team!"

    "Pikachu, you use double team too. And then, when you're even with him, use quick attack"

    "Vigoroth, use slash!"

    Vigoroth and Pikachu started running in circles to gain speed and then Pikachu's speed doubled as he went into a quick attack. But just as Pikachu got close,

    Vigoroth's glowing claw slammed into Pikachu's underbelly and sent him into the wall. Pikachu got back up but was struggling. I called for Pikachu to use agility and

    use thunder but Vigoroth again landed a powerful slash attack and started charging up a hyper beam. I told Pikachu to jump up and run on the hyper beam by using

    agility. He made it on, and then loosed thunder into Vigoroth, knocking it out.

    "Alright Pikachu!" I told my partner.

    "This isn't over yet! Go, Slakoth!"

    "Let's finish this! Pikachu sweep him with quick attack!"

    "Oh no, you don't! Slakoth, focus punch!"

    The focus punch somehow connected before quick attack and sent Pikachu flying. I could see that he was getting tired but he still managed to get back up.

    "Finish him off with water pulse."

    The water pulse was almost as swift as extreme speed. Pikachu didn't have time to dodge it.

    "Now ice beam and then focus punch."

    Just as the ice beam left, I saw Max's strategy. "Pikachu get out of there NOW!" But Pikachu didn't have time to dodge and the ice beam left him frozen to the wall as

    focus punch sent him through it, leaving Pikachu knocked out and me out of luck.

    "Now, who's talking? Send out your next Pokemon Ash!"

    "Uhh, alright… Umm, Meditite, go."

    Out came Meditite. I felt like a jerk for sending him out there with no training but I couldn't just give up. I checked the Pokedex and saw that Meditite currently

    knows the moves bide, meditate, confusion, hidden power, focus punch, shadow ball and double team, has the ability pure power, which doubles his attack power, and is

    somewhere between levels 18 and 22, meaning that he is pretty strong but not properly trained.

    "Slakoth, use water pulse!"

    "Meditite, use confusion to turn it back and then use meditate!"

    "Get out of the way and then use mega punch."

    "Don't worry about it, Meditite. Just finish the move... NOW! Focus punch, GO!"

    Meditite kept glowing and then time seemed to freeze as Slakoth swung its fist and Meditite leapt up, its fist beginning to glow, and threw a vicious uppercut

    connecting under Slakoth’s jaw. A flash of blinding light later, there was another explosion, which left a large cloud of dust. Meditite was still standing. That's the

    first thing that I noticed and then I saw that Slakoth was unconcious. Meditite had won. I was surprised but happy. But Max obviously wasn't thrilled.

    "That was just dumb luck. Next time, I'll beat you and... and... WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHH AHHHH AHHHH!" Max started crying.

    All of a sudden, I heard: "Hey Max what's going on?" It was May's voice
    Author's notes: As of the next battle, I will implement a new battle style. Please tell me which one you all prefer.
    3 days 'till Christmas :D
  15. 493pkmns

    493pkmns secret suicune

    chapter 11

    Petalburg gym: Leader Enlightenment

    3rd person POV

    Important Characters:
    Ash Ketchum, 13
    May maple, 12
    Max Maple, 8
    Norman Maple, 37
    Caroline Maple, 36

    Ash: Meditite

    Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon or any of its characters.
    Claimer: I do own the plot and content of this story.

    Ash looked around and saw behind him May's face sticking in through an open window. "Ash? What are you doing here and why is my brother crying?" asked May.

    "Umm well, I came here to challenge the gym leader and I beat him so he started crying. Although i've never beaten a gym leader who started crying after losing." Ash


    "That's because Max isn't the gym leader. He likes to pretend he is but you can't win a badge just by beating him. In fact the last time my Dad caught him battling a

    challenger he wasn't allowed to go into the gym for a week." May replied

    "Oh. I hope I haven't gotten him into any trouble." Ash said while sweatdropping.

    "As long as Daddy never finds out Max won't get into trouble." May reassured with a smile.

    "Wait a second. How come your dad and brother both live here, in the gym? May, is your dad the gym leader?" Ash asked.

    "Um well. Yes." May said hanging her head.

    "Cool you're really lucky!" Ash exclaimed.

    "Yeah, lucky." she said as she stared at the ground.

    "May! Max!" a voice called from outside the building.

    "Oh no it's Dad! Max quick but the pokemon back in their jungle! Ash help my clean up the gym!" May called in a frenzy. "We're in here dad!"

    Max recalled the pokemon and ran out of the room, top speed. May leaped through the window grabbed a broom and told ash to fix up the wall. Ash, being Ash called out

    his meditite and told it to use confusion. in a single burst of blue, psychic energy all of the dust was clear and the wall was as good as new. May grabbed him by the

    arm and dragged him out of the gym and right in front of the door, where her mother and father, Caroline and Norman Maple, were waiting. They looked at Ash carefully

    and then at the same time, Caroline said:"Is he your boyfriend?" and Norman said:"Is he a challenger?"

    May looked at one then the other and said: "No mom he's not my boyfriend, he's a challenger."

    Max marched in and took up a place by his fathers side and Norman asked Ash if he was ready for his battle. Ash said yes but wanted to know the rules first. Norman

    listed the rules and they were the same as the ones that Max had told him earlier. Ash could tell by Norman's stance that he wouldn't be able to beat him with just

    pikachu and he didn't want to send meditite out again sp he said: "Oh, i'm sorry, I only have my one pokemon plus one that I only just caught that doesn't have any

    battle experience yet."

    "That's alright we can have an unofficial battle one on one if you win I won't be able to give you a badge but it's the fight that counts right?" Norman said

    "Yeah sure that would be great! I'll come back and challenge you for a badge when I have enough pokemon."

    "Good, I wouldn't have it any other way. Now let's battle!"

    So Ash followed Norman into the battle field where only a few minutes ago he had defeated Max.
    Author's notes: Wow it has been a really long time since I last posted but hopefully I will be back on as I am getting into writing again. After the last chapter I had said that I would implement a new battle technique I am now revising that as I no longer remember what that difference was. I am hoping that I can maintain my writing style but having gone through a year of intensive English class I fear that my vocabulary has changed too much. (damn there I go again) The next chapter will feature a battle between Ash and Norman. I am planning to have an open story so the readers can shape the story. In your review simply answer the question(s) I put.
    So here is the new section:
    Reader story shape vote
    Should Ash beat Norman? If Ash wins should Norman give him a badge despite his claims that he wouldn't? Also what should I call this section?
  16. 493pkmns

    493pkmns secret suicune

    Chapter 12

    Petalburg gym: Leader battle

    Ash's POV

    Important Characters:
    Ash Ketchum, 13
    May maple, 12
    Max Maple, 8
    Norman Maple, 37

    Ash: Meditite, Pikachu
    Norman: Vigoroth

    Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon or any of its characters.
    Claimer: I do own the plot and content of this story.

    I took up my position on the field while Max went to fetch Norman's Pokemon. I already knew that I would use Pikachu and we're both ready to go. Max came running in

    carrying a pokeball which he gave to his father.

    "Ash I would like you to use the Pokemon that you said wasn't trained always good to get some training and I would like to see how you handle a new Pokemon."

    That really took me off-guard. I was expecting to pull a nice clean battle and beat him if possible but how can you say no to a gym leader?

    "Sure, that should be interesting." I said

    "Go, Vigoroth!" "Meditite, let's go!"

    This really would be interesting.

    "Pikachu, start off with... I mean, Meditite use shadow ball!"

    "Vigoroth knock it back with metal claw!"

    "Pik... Meditite dodge it, then use confusion on Vigoroth."

    "Vigoroth extremespeed, now!"

    "Meditite, no! Get away!"

    But there was nothing it could do it dodged the shadow ball but while priming confusion Vigoroth's extremespeed slammed him hard.

    "Meditite, can you get up?" "medi tite medi tite MEDITITE!"

    "Good job Meditite use shadow ball and when Vigoroth gets close use focus punch!"

    "Ha, a good strategy Ash but watch. And Learn! Vigoroth metal claw! send shadow ball straight down! Now use dig and then ice punch!"

    "Meditite use meditate and get into the air!"

    "Good now your thinking like a gym leader! Vigoroth hyper beam!"

    "Meditite, use hidden power."

    "WHAT! Vigoroth stop get out of there now!"

    Vigoroth didn't stand a shadow of a chance. You can't just stop hyper beam. He had to finish charging and as soon as he released it hidden power activated. white orbs started to appear and spin around Meditite, the hyper beam broke up and was absorbed by each of the orbs. Each one of the orbs released a full hyper beam attack each one as powerful as the original. Vigoroth was blasted by hyper beam after hyper beam.

    "That's the stuff! Go Meditite!"

    "Vigoroth, metal claw."

    "What! Meditite look out!"

    Unbelievably Vigoroth had managed to get back up despite all of those hits. He slammed Meditite and knocked him down. Vigoroth looked strong as ever but Meditite wasn't looking too good.

    "Meditite can you get up?" if Meditite gave up now... no wait that was wrong. "Meditite stop! This ends now! RETURN!" "Norman this is too far Meditite is hurt I need to get him to a Pokemon center right now!"

    "NO! You will finish the battle you started, NOW!"

    "No, my Pokemon come first. I've made that mistake before and never again! Pikachu thunderbolt the ground!"

    Pikachu's thunderbolt raised a huge cloud of dust that let me escape I ran out with Pikachu following me. I made it to the Pokemon center and Meditite was put into emergency care. A few minutes after I left Meditite May came in and asked how Meditite was doing and then apologized for her father saying that he got too into the battle sometimes. She stayed with me until Meditite was better and then she told me that nobody had ever stood up to her father like that before and that she would like to travel with me after I leave Petalburg. Then she left and I was alone with my thoughts.

    Author's notes: Okay I haven't had any reviews but I also haven't given much time. In school today I had computer access so I've been writing most of the school day. Hopefully with my renewal of activity somebody will give an opinion but I promise that I won't drop this fic unless i'm detained by reality. On a positive note my school year will be over in a few weeks during the summer I might be able to get one or two chapters per day unless I end up outside of WiFi.
    Reader story shape vote
    Was the end a bit too dark or too fast (advanceshippy related)? What about Norman what should his attitude towards Ash be? Does Norman find out about Max and Ash's battle? Any other qualms?
  17. 493pkmns

    493pkmns secret suicune

    Unbelievably I'm out of it again sorry, my hard drive is fried and I lost like two or three chapters' worth and until it is fixed I probably won't be posting.
  18. Donovansrb10

    Donovansrb10 Dream World Hunter

    I love this!
  19. Skiyomi

    Skiyomi Only Mostly Dead

    I have a special place in my heart for fanfics that take place during the actual series that they're from. It gives a great chance to work to make the most out of little canon moments, add some behind the scenes stuff, explore the character's emotions and motivation, and in general get a good feel for the rhythm of the characters and the show.

    That said, I think at this point you're relying much too heavily on the anime itself as a guide. This really comes across during the parts that are pure dialogue with no action or exploration into the character's thought process. I think you'd be better off if you broke away from the anime plot for awhile--try out some different story lines. And even if you do use story-lines and dialogue from the anime, try to draw something new and unexpected out of it. Text has a lot of advantages on televison--you can get a peak into the character's thought process and connect with them on a much deeper level than in televsion. So you want to really take your opportunity to do that.

    For example, at the beginning when May's starting out on her quest that would be a great time to explore her emotional state, what with her personal goals not matching up with what everyone expects of her. Through her thought process and resolve the reader should be able to feel her determination to find her own dream, her fear of disappointing those around her, and the feeling of freedom as she's finally allowed some independence. But unfortunately we don't really see that since most of the focus is on relating dialogue.

    Or the issue with Pikachu's electrical build-up. It seems rather out of nowhere in this plot because the part of the anime where it actually happens is cut out--that's fine because you're mostly sticking with May's frame of reference from this point--but if that's the case, shouldn't there be some confusion on her part as to what's going on? All we seem to get on this score is a shocked tone of voice from her.

    As for the POV switches, to be honest, they threw me off a little. I understand you wanting to explore what's going on from everyone's perspective--I love to do that too. But switching POV just makes it seem inconsistent to me. A great way to see into everyone's head and keep POV consistent is through the use of a 3rd person omniscient narrator. That's what I use 90% of the time and there's a lot that you can do with it.

    There are a few technical errors that pop up on quite a few occasions in this. That's not a huge deal since they're easily fixable, but you should be aware of them.

    -Comma Use: It seems like there are a lot of places in this where you don't need a comma and you use one, which makes the prose rather choppy sounding (your first paragraph is full of examples of this). And then there are some instances where you don't use commas that are legitimately needed. Advice I've always liked in regards to commas is to think of them as musical notation--like a rest. Though it certainly wouldn't hurt to read up on commas if you're unsure about their use.

    -Dialogue Punctuation/Capitalization: Let's look at examples from your story...

    'His' is a part of the sentence (the exclamation point, like the question mark, acts like a comma in the case of dialogue tags) so the 'H' should be lower-case.

    Once again, the dialogue tag is part of the sentence, so the period should be a comma.

    Note that these same rules can apply to direct thought, although italics are usually used to denote thought instead of quotation marks. So...

    Would probably be corrected as:

    Hi. My name is May Maple. I'm Norman's daughter and I'm here to pick up my starter Pokemon, she thought to herself.

    -I capitalization: When you're using 'I' as in the pronoun, it should always be capitalized. This also goes for 'I'm,' 'I've' and 'I'll.'

    I think if you can correct those issues you'll have a much more polished product. I encourage you to keep writing and keep practicing. You're already improving and I'm sure you'll continue to do so.
  20. JPS97

    JPS97 Advanceshipper

    Pretty good so far. Good job! I look foward to more chapters!

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