This is a nice story but like Skiyomi has said, your basing your story off the anime too much, it would be nice if you just stray away from that and create a alternative storyline. Like you can start off your story from the anime and then start to form your own story. And like in the start you could of wrote the emotions May would of been feeling when she was about to get her first pokemon. You could of talked about her fear, the excitement, the uncertainty etc. If you did that us as readers could of gotten a better understand of May.
As of now your your stories is filled with dialogue, as much that is important in any story readers would also want to know what the area looks like. Writing down a scene for us to imagine about is half the fun in reading. Also painting a scene via writing is also fun for the writer.
The POV switches for me are slightly irritating for me. I personally am not a fan of it but if there is a writer that can master changing POVs at a constant rate then maybe i'll come to like it but in this fic, it just gets to my nerves. 3rd person view is the best option if you want to talk about any character and their feelings and explore everyone's perspective. 1st person is more tricky to handle if your just starting out, i believe 1st person requires more experience and more emotion to pull it off right.
If you read other well polished fics both here and Ff.net you'll come to understand and get a better view of what is required to write a well written fic. I still like where this is heading, if you take in the advice we give you you'll improve heaps and more people will come to admire your work.
Till your next chapter.
~midnight
