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At the End of it All (PG-15)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Colt45, Feb 20, 2013.


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  1. Colt45

    Colt45 Cobalt

    Hey what's up everyone, this is my first attempt at a fic, and it is a rather large project I'm undertaking, so expect it to have a few mistakes here and there.

    There are several things I'd like to point out before proceeding, so let me begin.

    First and foremost, let me explain to you what this is. This is a story about the Pokemon world gone to hell in the form of a zombie apocalypse, a plague that has affected every human in the Pokemon World.

    I plan on their being only one pokemon per species, so as to make each one seem as it's own character.

    People (er, pokemon) WILL DIE, including very surprising main character deaths and such, just so you know.

    I decided to rate this PG-15 for violence (I'll try to be as non-graphic as possible), language (nothing worse than son of a b*tch, and I mean, it's going to be bleeped out...), and perhaps light drug and alchohol references down the road.

    Well, that's all I can think of for now (I'm sure I'll remember something later that I'll have to edit in). Please let me know what you think of my fic in the comments below, I could use all the help I can get. If you don't feel like writing a review for it, please at least PM me telling me whether you like it or not, as I could use ANY feedback, since i have no idea what to expect.


    Bulbasaur's Group:

    Electivire's Group:


    Chikorita (Chapter One)
    Chimchar (Chapter Two)
    Charmander (Chapter Three)
    Torchic (Chapter Four)
    Turtwig (Chapter Four)
    Totodile (Chapter Four)

    The DragonKnight

    WHY WONT THESE WORK!!!!???? They work fine in my sig




    Credit to Eeveelover for the userbars you can't see...


    Electivire peered through a trash can in the middle of the city streets, which was oddly, but luckily for him, deserted at this time of day.

    This should last... a second he thought to himself, sighing and pulling out a single banana peel, inspecting it with a scowl on his face.

    He couldn't help but feel slightly sorry for himself, he didn't exactly live in a great situation.

    You see, Electivire lived on the outskirts of the big city in an old abandoned building that never was fully constructed, sharing in his habitat with his wife and son, Electabuzz and Elekid, and his best friend Magmortar, and his wife and son, Magmar and Magby. They lived a very simple life, every day stealthily sneaking through the city and scavenging for food and supplies, whilst avoiding the humans, who would surely try to enslave them in one of those small red and white balls.

    He shuddered, just the other day, one of their friends Crobat had been captured in one of those... things, and there was nothing he could've done to help him, he and Magmortar just had to run for their lives to avoid the wrath of the trainer's Scyther and Scizor.

    It was rough living, but the only way he had ever known it, so even though the harsh winters and scarce food could be a drag, and even though he longed to live a better life, he didn't mind it as much as I'm sure others would have if they were in his shoes.

    Suddenly, Electivire was brought back to the present in the form of a nudge in the ribs from his dear friend Magmortar.

    "It's time to go back man, getting dark, what'd you get?"

    Electivire held up the banana peel.

    "Well," said Magmortar, searching for a positive. "It's color matches you."

    Electivire let out a chuckle, putting a hand on Magmortar's shoulder. "No matter what happens to us, at least we'll always have each other to keep us in good spirits."

    Magmortar gave a warming smile, then turned to lead him down the still strangely deserted street.

    "So, you get any good stuff?" Electivire asked.

    "Nope, I had a bit of a run-in with Houndoom though," Magmortar offered. "That son-of-a-b*tch considers the whole damn city his territory."

    Electivre nodded. "Yeah, that guy's really starting to get on my nerves, what should we do about him?"

    Magmortar looked at Electivire solemnly. "I think we teach him a thing or two about where he can be and where he can't, mostly the opposite end of my cannons," he said, displaying the intimidating cannons at the end of his arm.

    Electivire laughed. "Yeah, that-" suddenly he stopped, there perched on a bench was a large purple bat with four long wings.

    "Crobat!" Electivre shouted in joy, rushing over to his friend with Magmortar in tow. "What's going on, how'd you get away from that *ss-hole?"

    All of a sudden, they noticed the bat was shivering, looking ahead as though lost in a trance.

    "Uh, you follow bro," said Electivire, waving a hand in front of Crobat's face while Magmortar whistled for his attention.

    Suddenly, Crobat let out a loud gasp, startling Electivire and Magmortar, making them jump back in surprise.

    "Coming! The- the- the- the- the- they're coming," he stuttered, frantically fluttering in the air looking left and right.

    "Who's coming?" asked Magmortar in a concerned voice.

    Crobat looked at them with a look of utter horror. "Them," he said simply, with that he took off into the air, soaring into the sunset.

    Electivire and Magmortar exchanged troubled looks, then gingerly continued on.

    "What the hell do you reckon that was," Magmortar asked.

    "I don't know, but it creeped me the f-", with that he cut out, suddenly noticing a chorus of growls coming from an alleyway to their left.

    He and Magmortar slowly turned to the left, noticing thousands of blood-red eyes looking their direction in the fading sunlight.

    Then, the eyes drew nearer, revealing in the dying rays of light the bodies of hundereds of humans sprinting towards them, tripping over each other in their haste to get at Electivire and Magmortar.

    "El," said Magmortar. "I think we outta go."

    Electivire agreed, and they both turned and took off in the other direction, the savages only 25 yards away at this point.

    But their escape died quickly, as Electivire tripped over the curb, stumbling to the ground, and looking up with horror as the demented humans loomed just above him.

    Suddenly, bright red flames burst forth from Magmortar's arms, consuming the crowd in it. They didn't seem bothered by the fact that they were on fire, but they did turn their attention towards Magmortar, the front lines of the crowd reversing direction towards Magmortar.

    This gave Electivire enough time to scamper to his feet before the rest of the herd started to regain interest in him, which they did, pursuing him as he took off down the road after Magmortar and the flaming horde behind him.

    Slowly but surely, the crowd in front of Electivire began to drop like flies from being unable to stand after being eaten alive by too much fire. After all of those were lying on the floor, unable to move, Electivire gave a burst of speed, catching up with Magmortar, the larger crowd still trailing them.

    "What do we do?" Magmortar asked, exhausted and panicked.

    "We need to get to our families, and get the hell out of this city!" came the answer.


    Thousands of miles away, a certain legendary Pokémon stood in his chambers, gazing into a roaring fire dancing in his hearth.

    Another Pokémon entered the room. “It has started, my lord,” the nervous Pokémon timidly announced.

    A joy crept into the master Pokémon’s heart, such as he hadn’t felt in years.

    “Good,” he smirked, the pieces of the puzzle were finally beginning to fall into place.
    Last edited: Mar 28, 2013
  2. Colt45

    Colt45 Cobalt

    Chapter One

    Alright, here's the next chapter, PLEASE either PM me, or leave a comment telling me your thoughts, positive or negative, towards this story.

    Also, I'd like to say a couple things before I begin. For one, people may be wondering why I don't just call them zombies, and the answer to that is simple: I'm going by the Pokemon's perspective, and they don't know what the monsters are called yet.

    Also, you will probably notice that this chapter is mostly action, with little to no dialogue or character development, and I promise that this will be fixed in later chapters, which will contain PLENTY of character development.

    I guess that's it, I hope you enjoy the chapter, and once again, please let me know what you think, as a beginning writer, I need feedback to make these things better.

    Chapter One: On the Run​

    Squirtle stood on a long, rectangular table in the middle of a medium-sized room, filled with all sorts of laboratory equipment. The walls at the far end of the room where littered with three windows, and a descending staircase complimented the opposite end of the wall.

    He was not alone in this laboratory, however, with him were fourteen other Pokémon, starters like him, who were all waiting very impatiently for a young trainer to march upstairs and choose one of them to help him begin a long, exciting adventure.

    None of them had any battle experience, however, but they were all nonetheless very confident, except for Cyndaquil, he was a timid little fellow. “Oh, I just know I’m gonna be chosen by the roughest, angriest, and meanest trainer possible,” he suddenly sighed nervously.

    “Don’t be afraid, I’m sure everything will turn out just fine,” Bulbasuar said with a reassuring smile. He was the oldest of the bunch, and also the most comforting.

    “Fine, HA!” exclaimed Totodile. “This ugly-*** mole won’t last a second out there,” He stood up and crossed his arms confidently. “The world is no place for pussies like these.”

    “Shut up,” said Squirtle, suddenly interjecting himself into the conversation. “Man, why do you always have to put him down like that?”

    “What choo’ got to say about it, tough guy?” Totodile smirked at him. “You wanna fight, I’ll be more than happy to mess up your face, or I would, if your mother hadn’t done that for me.”

    Squirtle stood facing Totodile, offering a small smile; he didn’t fall for such simple-minded taunts. “And I’d be willing to think up a come-back, but there’s no need against such an old insult. What is this, 1940?”

    Totodile smirked at him again. “That’s ok, you won’t be able to talk at all once I’m through with you,” he said, launching himself at Squirtle, fangs barred.

    Fast as light, Squirtle shot into his shell, nullifying the damage from Totodile’s fangs, and causing him to cry out in pain as his teeth made contact with that hard shell. Then, Squirtle shot out of his shell and offered him a water gun, spraying him right in the face and sending him flying through the air, and to the edge of the table where he slid off, but grabbed the edge and pulled himself up.

    “You’re gonna regret that,” Totodile glared at him, no longer acting sarcastic or smug. With that, he let out a water gun, which then turned its aim to the ceiling and died out, as Treecko had tackled Totodile to the ground.

    “Knock it off you two!” Bulbasaur screamed at the other end of the table, restraining Squirtle. “Professor Oak and the first new trainer are coming up the stairs right now, snap out of it.”

    With that announcement, all fifteen of them rushed to the center of the table, putting on their best faces, aiming to impress.

    Squirtle, luckily, got a spot away from the center of the circle, unluckily next to Chikorita, who blabbed into his ear about making poor decisions and such. He sighed, Chikorita was a very bossy Pokémon, and the ranting chatter fell as wordless nonsense into Squirtle’s ears.

    Suddenly, Chickorita, and everyone else at the table shut up, as Professor Oak appeared at the top of the stairs.

    However, something was very odd about him, not his clothes or hair, which consisted of a lab-coat, and stone-grey hair as always, it was his eyes, his eyes were red, and his mouth broke into a mad snarl when he saw the young pokemon.

    He then dashed insanely towards the table, and in a truly frightening fashion, seized poor little Chikorita with his hands and sunk his teeth into her skull, tearing a big chunk of flesh off, killing her instantly.

    Every Pokémon in the room stood in shock for what seemed like ages, until Oak lost interest in muching on Chikorita, and reached out for a trembling Cyndaquil.

    A tall, metal door burst open, and two pokemon rushed into a warehouse like room, promptly shutting the door behind them.

    "What's going on?" Shouted Electzbuzz from the far side of the warehouse, getting up and walking over to her husband, followed by Magmar, Elekid, and Magby.

    "STAY AWAY FROM THE DOOR!" Magmortar ordered, assisting Electivire in barricading it shut, which looked like it wasn't working, because it seemed like the door was about to burst out of it's hinges.

    "What's going on?" a worried Magmar repeated.

    "I need you to do as he says," Electivire responded in a calmer voice than his friend. "All of you need to get out and take the road headed northwest, and meet us at the Valero Gas Station about 2 miles from her. We're fleeing this city now."

    They all ran to the far side of the room and out through a portion of the wall which had never been constructed fully, everyone clearly grasping the gravity of the situation, everyone except Elekid that is, who remained behind, staring up at his father and his friend.

    "Go, son, flee with your family," Electivire managed to gently say, despite being continuously tossed around by the angry door.

    "You are my family," Elekid said, tears starting to form in his eyes.

    Electivire gave him a look of regret and sadness, then began to argue back, but he was interrupted.

    "ELEKID, COME ON!" Electabuzz frantically screamed, her head appearing through the wall again.

    But before anyone else could say anything, the door finally gave way, coming free off its hinges and sending Electivire, Magmortar and Elekid soaring through the air.

    "Everyone run," Electivire ordered hastily, realizing if he stayed behind, so would his son.

    With that, the three of them leaped to their feet and sprinted to the opening in the wall where Electabuzz was beckoning frantically, each of them leaping out in turn, then taking off down the road, monsters once again right behind them.

    "Magmar and Magby have already left," Electabuzz panted.

    "As should you and Elekid," Electivire responded, looking back to see if they had made any progress in losing the herd. They hadn't, things were beginning to look very bleak.


    Squirtle quickly snapped out of his shock and horror, defending Cyndaquil with a mighty Water Gun. He was not the only one who had acted, Mudkip let Oak have his Mud-Shot, Turtwig sent out his Razor Leaf, and Bulbasuar released his vines into Professor Oak’s face. Treecko was even bold enough to smack him in the face with his tail, Pound-style.

    This only sent him stumbling back a little, however, and he soon doubled back, angrier than ever.

    “Treecko, run!” Mudkip shouted, as the demented professor reached for Treecko.

    Treecko skillfully avoided Oak’s outstretched hands, then joined the rest of the starters, who were all shouting incoherently, and bolting for the windows.

    Snivy reached one first, and he burst through them, not bothering to stop and open it. The rest all followed suite one at a time, and it seemed they were all going to make it, until Tepig tripped over a discarded coffee cup lying on the ground.

    Bulbasuar, who was the last pokemon in the room yelled out from the window sill, “I’ve got you buddy!” Then extended his vines and wrapped Tepig in them, pulling him in and just barely missing Oak’s outstretched arms. Once he was safely secured, Bulbasaur leaped out the window with Tepig on his back, landing in the bushes, which provided a great cushion for an otherwise very painful 12 foot fall.

    The outside world did not at all reflect the terrifying situation, it was positively pleasant, with nothing but green grass, beautiful houses, and blue sky as far as the eye could see.

    However, there was no time to admire the view, or mourn over their lost friend, as Professor Oak soon stumbled through the window and landed on the ground with a thud.

    They all scurried to their feet, and took off down the lawn towards the country-road that ran throughout the town. They all started down the road at as quick a pace as possible, no one daring to look around and see if they had lost Professor Oak.

    However, soon they noticed the growling increase in volume, so Squirtle, wondering what was going on turned his head towards the chaos and was greeted with a view of seven more monsters tumbling along behind them, and there appeared to be a Pikachu just ahead of the monsters, being chased as well.

    “Help!” the poor yellow rodent cried out.

    With this plea for help, half of the starters (Bulbasuar, Squirtle, Mudkip, Treecko, Turtwig, Oshawott, and Charmander) wheeled around and each let out their fiercest attacks towards the mutants, while the other half continued on.

    These attacks put enough distance between Pikachu and the attackers, as they all stumbled back a little, but still kept pursuing, and soon the small mouse caught up with them.

    “Thanks,” he hurriedly said.

    As they all turned around and began to catch up with the others, they noticed more people streaming out of the houses and joining the herd, until they numbered at around a hundred.

    “What do we do?” Torchic finally offered.

    “I don’t know,” Charmander panted back, “Let’s just keep running.”

    But they all knew they couldn’t run for ever, for one thing they’d all tire out eventually, and for another, there loomed a deep and long canyon at the edge of the town in the direction they were headed.

    There was no way to go sideways or backwards to escape this impending doom, as if they went sideways, the long crowd would eventually catch up with them, and if they went backwards, well, I think you know what would happen if they went backwards.

    Before long, they had reached the dreaded precipice, and panic set in on them, and they soon began to blame each other, and argue, and fight.

    "Everyone shut up!” Treecko exclaimed, as the crowd drew within a couple hundred feet. “We all need to get up, quit arguing and make a stand.”

    They all agreed, so they all let out their strongest long-ranged attacks, throwing out their last hope into the wind, hoping they would at least go out fighting.

    But it was useless, the herd, though delayed from the attacks, was drawing freakishly close now.

    Squirtle took a long blink, gulped, and prepared to die, but then, suddenly, a black feline creature came bounding gracefully over the heads of the maniacs, spun around in mid-air, and let out a dark ray of energy, which sent a large portion of the crowd flying into the air, before landing on all fours and sliding back a little, kicking up dirt and dust.

    The feline was Umbreon.

    “Flee now, little ones,” came the surprisingly deep voice of Umbreon. “Do not hesitate, run straight and true through the passageway I have provided you. I shall keep them at bay.”

    Sure enough, his extremely powerful Dark Pulse had created a large hole in the mob, which the starters darted to as quickly as possible, while Umbreon fired off more of his Dark Pulses.

    However, soon they heard a cry: Tepig had backed up too far, and had tumbled off the cliff.

    Bulbasaur, showing no hesitation, darted to the cliffside as quick as an arrow, throwing out his vines, and catching Tepig skillfully around the middle. Still, Tepig was heavy, and Bulbasuar was beginning to slip off the edge as well.

    Squirtle, Treecko, and Pikachu all saw what was going on, and doubled back, while the others, either unaware or uncaring at the moment, proceeded back towards Pallet Town.

    Treecko got there first, and it was just at the right time, as Bulbasaur slipped of the edge at that very moment, and Treecko caught him.

    Treecko too began to fall, but Squirtle caught him, and Pikachu in turn caught Squirtle.

    So there they stood, all hanging off the edge of a cliff, each grabbing on to each other, with Pikachu at the top, straining with every muscle in his body to keep them all from falling to certain doom.

    But he could not hold on forever, and on top of that, three monsters were heading towards them, ready to use their disadvantages to their advantage.

    “JUMP!” came the sudden, unexpected voice of Bulbasaur.

    “What?” Asked everyone else, puzzled and frightened.

    “Just do it, and hold on to each other tight!” came the answer.

    So Pikachu, having nothing to lose, held his breath, and plunged into the abyss.
    Last edited: Mar 20, 2013
  3. Colt45

    Colt45 Cobalt

    Sorry if this is a dumb question, keep in mind that this is my first fic, but do I need to PM the full new chapter to the people on my PM list, or just PM them to tell them it's ready?

    Edit: The question has been answered. Thanks JX Valentine :)
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2013
  4. Colt45

    Colt45 Cobalt

    Chapter Two

    Hey what's up again guys, this is my third chapter in three days, and I was wondering whether I should space out my chapter releases. It's kinda hard to though since there are no reviews, and I'm completely addicted to writing this right now. But anyway, that's all for now, feel free to request to be added to the PM list, but most of all, enjoy!

    Chapter Two: Despair Strikes​

    “I think we’ve lost them!” Turtwig announced, looking back. Suddenly, he paused. He realized the herd of monsters wasn’t the only thing they had lost.

    They burst into a nearby house, and breached the door, stacking everything they could in front. Then, for the first time in what felt like a millennia, they could relax.

    But there was an issue to be addressed, the problem that Turtwig had noticed earlier.

    “Where are the others?” a concerned Piplup asked. She was the only female Pokémon left in their group, after what happened to Chikorita.

    “Probably went the same way Chikorita did,” Totodile rudely acknowledged.

    Mudkip and Turtwig both glared at him, then Mudkip stated his opinion. “We need to go back for them.”

    “Risk everyone over those losers? Hell no,” Totodile snorted impatiently.

    “We’ll put it to a vote,” Turtwig said, taking a position above everyone else on the couch and looking down at everybody, so as to make his announcement official.

    “No, I have already made my decision,” Totodile stated matter-of-factly. “We will stay here for the night.”

    Turtwig snorted. “No one put you in charge,” he said.

    Totodile leaped up to join him on the couch, shoving his snout in Turtwig’s face. “I did,” he boldly exclaimed. “Do you have anything to say about it?” With this, he let out a water gun which Turtwig ducked under.

    Turtwig gave him a growl, suggesting he was not to be tangled with. “If you want to settle things in this barbaric manner, so be it.”

    Mudkip jumped up to join them on the couch. “You’ll have to take on both of us,” he declared.

    With that, both Mudkip and Turtwig charged him at the same time, coming from opposite ends of the couch. Totodile hopped over their heads just as they were closing in, forcing them to painfully bump into each other. Then, he picked Turtwig up by the head with his jaw, and flung him off the couch, sending him slamming onto the ground with a cringe-worthy cracking sound, just narrowly missing Chimchar who scampered out of the way just in time.

    Mudkip quickly recovered and rushed at Totodile, wrestling with him until they both fell to the ground. Totodile recovered faster, and jumped to his feet, unleashing a water gun which scooped Mudkip up, sending him crashing into Turtwig, and sending both of them to a rather unpleasant meeting with the wall.

    “Ah, hell yeah!” Totodile yelled proudly, holding his arms high, and dancing in victory.

    Just at that time, Chimchar decided to step up, launching a flamethrower at the distracted Totodile. This did nothing but anger the little crocodile, who slowly turned towards Chimchar, an expression of pure hatred gripping his face. Then, without a word, he let an extra powerful water gun escape from his jaws, sending Chimchar flying through the air, into a vase, breaking it and leaving Chimchar out cold.

    “Anyone else?” Totodile challenged viciously, rotating around on his paws so he could see everyone. “Good,” he finished when no one stood up.

    Mudkip slowly eased himself up grimacing in pain as he did so. “You may be our leader,” he said. “But you will never gain our true respect. When we find Bulbasuar and the others, I imagine there will be no place in the group for a cowardly ***-holes like you.”

    Totodile paid no attention to this threat, instead directing his gaze towards Cyndaquil, who had been whimpering in the corner the whole time. “YOU! SHUT THE HELL UP!” he roared. The fire-mole promptly quieted down.

    At this, Mudkip started to limp towards Totodile. “You had better knock it off, you treating him like that,” he lectured. “He’s one month old.”

    Totodile scoffed. “When I was a month old, I had to survive by myself in the rain forest. If it weren’t for Professor Oak finding me, I would have died.”

    Mudkip in turn scoffed as well. “If you want to turn this into a competition, when I was three weeks old, barely more than 10 inches long, Kyogre attacked my nest, killing my entire family. I was the only one to escape, and I had to swim to shore 12 miles away,” with that several of the other pokemon let out gasps, “but it doesn’t matter what happened to you or I at his age, he has been raised in a human household, so you can’t expect him to act any differently. Had you been raised in the same environment, I’m sure you’d have reacted similarly.”

    With that, Mudkip limped up the stairs, followed by Turtwig, who appeared to have broken some kind of bone in his back right leg. Totodile quickly disguised a look of awe and impression that had snuck upon his face, then ordered. “To bed everyone, we have a lot of work to do tomorrow.”


    Everyone let out a scream as Pikachu dove into the depths, when Bulbasaur repeated the order to hang on tight to each other, and everyone shut up and concentrated, wondering if Bulbasuar had any real idea on how to save them.

    Soon they learned he did, for after about 30 feet of free-falling, Bulbasaur swung one of his vines around some kind of large, thick root sticking out of the canyon wall, the other vine gripping Tepig tightly.

    Everyone screamed like they were on a roller-coaster ride, and clutched each other even tighter as Bulbasaur performed a loop-de-loop around the branch, then began to free-fall again.

    After about 50 feet, Bulbasaur grabbed another one, but was not graceful at all with this one, and they all fell straight down as Bulbasaur’s vine straightened out with a twang which made them all dance around a little as the vine wiggled around from the impact.

    After a long silence, Bulbasaur shouted. “There’s no more roots, we’re just gonna have to aim for those trees!” He declared, referring to a clump of trees about 50 more feet under them.

    “ARE YOU INSANE?” Treecko challenged.

    “There’s no other option,” came the answer, as Bulbasaur released his grip, sending them all plummeting towards the greenery.

    They all screamed and disconnected with each other, flailing around wildly, until they one-by-one made contact with the leaves of the trees after what felt like ages of falling, tumbling through the braches and landing on top of each other.

    Treecko was the first to his feet, dusting himself off and scowling at Tepig. “What is wrong with you?” he demanded. “It’s a miracle any of us are still alive.”

    “This could very well be a better bet than what Pallet Town has to offer,” Bulbasaur argued realistically, trying to reassure Tepig, who had nodded his head in shame.

    “I sure hope the others are ok,” Squirtle offered into the conversation. “How are we supposed to get back up?”

    “I don’t know that we want to,” Pikachu said. “Like Bulbasaur said, this place is probably safer.”

    “No, he’s right,” said Bulbasaur. “We can’t just abandon the others to torment and death.”

    “Whatever we do,” Treecko interjected. “We ought to get moving now, look for food and shelter.”

    They all agreed, and started moving down a lovely dirt path, which ran parallel to a crystal clear river, which wound its way all throughout the canyon alongside a forest on the other side of them.

    The longer they walked, the more they talked about the current horrible situation they were in, and what could possibly have caused such a horrible plague, which is what they figured it was. And, dodge it as they might, the conversation soon steered in the direction of Chikorita, a horrific topic that was still fresh on their minds.

    “She was the bossiest poke you’d ever meet,” Squirtle eulogized. “But damn it, she did it because she cared about us, and didn’t want us to get hurt,” he finished, a tear rolling down his cheek.

    “I’m awfully sorry,” Pikachu expressed. “Sounds like a great Pokémon.”

    “She was,” they all agreed.

    Suddenly, they all came to a stop, for they noticed the same feline creature that had saved them earlier standing further down the road, staring right at them, not saying a word.

    They cautiously approached him, then Squirtle and Bulbasaur both expressed their gratitude. “Thank you for saving us,” they chanted in unison.

    Pikachu and Tepig expressed their thanks as well. “Yeah,” Treecko offered.

    After a few seconds of silence, Umbreon’s face broke into sad smile. “Do not thank me my friends, only a coward would allow such a helpless lot to be consumed by those vile creatures.”

    “HELPLESS!” Treecko steamed, his face turning red. “We are perfectly capable of fending those monsters off ourselves, thank you very much.”

    “Forgive me, young lizard,” Umbreon offered a smile. “I did not mean to offend, I’m sure you are a mighty warrior.”

    This restored Treecko’s face to normal.

    “If you don’t mind me asking,” Squirtle began, trying to break the silence that followed. “Where is it you come from?”

    “Not at all, not at all,” Umbreon answered. “Let us continue our stroll down this beautiful path. I have a long tale to tell.”

    So they began down the path again, then Umbreon spoke after several moments of silence. “I come from the northern lands were my family dwells. We are a mighty clan, my siblings and I. I rule alongside my siblings and wife Espeon in a beautiful Pokémon kingdom, about 50 kilometers north of Kanto, or at least I did rule alongside them, until I was banished.”

    A long silence followed, then, “please continue,” Squirtle pleaded.

    “Yes of course,” Umbreon said, snapping back into the present time, after his mind had wondered far back. “I cannot tell you why I was banished presently, I’m afraid it is a rather sensitive matter, but in time, perhaps I shall. In the meantime, the reason I was passing through this area was to seek council with a dear friend of mine, whom you shall make acquaintance with later. That is where we are headed now.”

    “But we need to get back to our friends!” Bulbasaur exclaimed. “We can’t just leave them!”

    “Fear not,” Umbreon confidently stated. “I am well aware of your situation. That is why I descended into this valley in the first place, to retrieve you folks. You see, my friend is located in the town which your friends have disappeared into. We can search for them once we are done doing business, which shouldn’t take more than a few minutes.”

    “That sounds good,” came the response.

    After they had been walking a little while longer, Pikachu raised the question that was pressed on everyone’s mind. “What happened to the humans, do you have any idea?”

    Umbreon stopped dead in his tracks, heaved a deep sigh, and said, “I have an idea, yes,” everyone looked him in shock, having not expected that answer. “From what I’ve heard, it sounds as though Arceus is the one responsible. He seems to have invented and spread a virus that has stricken the poor humans with an unquenchable hunger, and turned off their nervous system, making them unable to think for themselves.”

    “Why would he do such a thing?” Squirtle gasped.

    “I don’t know, no one but him does, however, there is one thing that is certain: the humans, with what they’ve become now… they will never stop hunting you and I.”


    No one except Totodile slept that night, and after Chimchar regained consciousness, everyone in the living room began to grumble and complain about the new leadership, a conversation that continued until morning, when Totodile walked into the room, stretching and looking well rested.

    “Well, time to get moving,” he declared.

    No one grumbled or complained this time, in front of his face, busily setting about removing the stacked furniture from in front of the door.

    “Move faster, we need to use every second of daylight to our advantage,” Totodile ordered, spectating from the couch.

    “See what I mean, you’ll never earn our respect with that attitude,” Mudkip said, descending down the staircase.

    Totodile wheeled around. “Both of you,” he started, referring to both Mudkip and Turtwig, who had just joined Mudkip, limping beside him. “Get busy, before I break your other legs.”

    “Aye, aye,” Mudkip sarcastically responded, moving to help Torchic with a chair.

    Before long, the debris was cleared away, and Totodile leaped from the couch. “Alright, Torchic,” he said, looking at the small orange chick. “You go out and scout the area. You’re the smallest, so you’ll be hard to find. If the coast is clear, come report back. If not, run the other direction and let them chase you.”

    Torchic looked scared and didn’t know what to say, so Mudkip rolled his eyes at Totodile and said, “I’ll do it.”

    “Fine, let’s hope there are hundreds of them to finish you off,” he smirked.

    “No,” came a surprising voice. “Let me go,” it was Cyndaquil.

    Mudkip looked at him in disbelief as Totodile gave a devious grin. “No you’re not ready for this,” Mudkip stammered. “Y-you can’t even use fire attacks yet."

    “Those stories about what you and Tot did at my age, they really left a mark,” Cyndaquil gulped. “I’m ready to prove my worth, besides Mudkip, you’re hurt.”

    “That’s right,” Piplup butted in. “You’re much less up to the task than he is Mudkip. You and Turtwig deserve a rest,” she said, glaring at Totodile.
    “I’ll go with him,” she finshed.

    “As will I,” came the surprising voice of Chimchar. “But I will come back if there’s danger.”

    “Fine,” Totodile sighed. “But expect us to be gone before you return if you have guests.”

    “Fair enough,” agreed Piplup, Cyndaquil, and Chimchar.

    Before long, they were all at the threshold, ready to go out into the dangerous world.

    “Are you sure you can do this?” Mudkip asked Cyndaquil one last time.

    “No, but I’ll have Pip and Chim to help me out. They’re great,” he said, as Piplup and Chimchar beamed.

    “Get outta here, I’m getting impatient,” Totodile ordered, stamping his feet.

    “Right,” said Chimchar. “See you in a few.”

    With that, the trio slowly crept throught the door, and, luckily, were greeted with a regular view of the town, which meant no monsters.

    “Let’s go,” Chimchar said.

    So on they went, creeping slowly from yard to yard, sticking to the walls of the outside of the house, and peering around corners. On they ventured, until they got to the last house that was next to the street, and peered around it, treated with a view of about 150 monsters, they quickly shot back before any of them could see them.

    “Did they see us?” a very nervous Cyndaquil panicked.

    “I don’t think so,” said Piplup, breathing a sigh of relief.

    “We’d better head back,” said Chimchar.

    So they all turned around to go back…. and nearly jumped out of their skins as they saw a single monster heading their way, coming from their base’s direction.

    Chimchar quickly burrowed under the ground, then shot up, using dig on the maniac. He hit the target, but when he climbed out, he discovered that he had hit Cyndaquil as well, causing him to let out a shriek and pass out. His shriek attracted the larger group of monsters, unfortunately, and they were on the poor Pokémon as quick as lightning.

    Chimchar, realizing he had caused this, knew he had to take action, so he said to Piplup, “take Cyndaquil and meet me back at the house, I’ll cover our escape.”

    Piplup nodded, scooping Cyndaquil up and taking off while Chimchar stayed behind, acquainting the monsters with his dig attack. Piplup had barely run a few meters, before she glimpsed another herd of demons coming out from the yard of a distant house beyond where their camp was set up. Piplup took note of this, and decided to lead the monsters towards the train station, then double-back towards the house they were staying in.

    Before she acted on the plan, however, she took a moment to turn towards the battling Chimchar to signal for him to follow, and promptly stood in shock, when she witnessed what she did: the savages had managed to grab Chimchar as he came out of the ground, and were now getting on their knees and tearing him apart, each trying to get a piece of him.

    In this moment, time and space seemed to stand still as she continued to watch in horror, when suddenly she realized that the other crowd of demons had just about caught up with her. Her first thought was to attack, uncaring what would befall her, as revenge for what those monsters had done, and what they were going to do. But then, with tears of despair running down her cheeks, she realized that she had to take care of Cyndaquil, so she gripped him tight, and hustled off towards the middle of town, the ravenous mob within feet of her.
    Last edited: Mar 20, 2013
  5. T-Bolt

    T-Bolt Electrifying.

    I laughed at Mudkip's sarcasm here. ( He is being sarcastic right?). And I think "killing my entire family" would be a better word to use.

    I guess the story is pretty good till now, and I like the concept of a Zombie apocalypse in the pokemon world. I also like how you've handled so many characters (which probably means that there will be a lot of chapters, since most of them are probably going to die)

    And why don't electivire and Magmortar use their pokemon attacks? They seem to be more human than pokemon in the first chapter.

    Anyway, I'd like to be added to the PM list. And if you want more reviews, you can always participate in the review game in the author's café. All you have to do is review the fic that has been requested, and then ask someone else to review yours.
  6. Colt45

    Colt45 Cobalt

    Thank you so much for the review.

    Yes Mudkip is being sarcastic, but many of the starters actually believed him, being young and gulliable.

    As far as Electivre and Magmortar go, I think that because of their many years of training in the human self-defense arts, they have become so accustomed to using their human weapons, that it's now their instinct to attack with weapons. Also, most pokemon attacks don't kill the zombies, must of them merely sending them stumbling backwards. However, they will be using some of their pokemon moves later on.

    Also, concerning characters, first off, thanks for the complement, secondly, you haven't even seen half of the characters yet, as I plan to add more members to Electivire's group, and also add some new minor groups (and one major one, that will cause Umbreon's new group quite alot of trouble later on)

    I will definately add you to the PM list, once again thanks for reviewing, and I will have to check the review game out. :)
  7. Blue Saturday

    Blue Saturday too fly


    Here by request.

    Anyway, the opening honestly came off as a tad weak to me. I feel like a little more time definitely should have been spent on us getting a feel for Electivire and who he is before you took a dive right into the plot so quickly. You hit the ground running fast and hard, but we don't really get a feel or understand for your characters all the while you do it. There's nothing wrong with hopping into the action with the beginning of a story, just at least try to give the reader some type of starting point in the sense where we at least understand the characters and what's going on throughout the story. I simply did not understand what Electivire was doing and if this was a Pokemon-morph-ish fic. or a fic. with humans that centers on Pokemon. On the other hand we got some comments regarding the fact that Magmortar and Electivire seem to be very much like human beings, but humans apparently exist as well. But this duo are also cops? Of Pokemon or humans as well? I just didn't understand at some points. More details would have been a must for this chapter, you were zooming and zipping around so fast I didn't understand what was happening because the pace was just too speedy imo. If humans do exist, are Electivire and Magmortar respectively owned by the Police Chief whose life they saved? They apparently are able to talk to humans which does break the suspension of belief a little, but then again this is Pokemon so it's nothing to really get into. It all depends on how you handle the ability and how it changes the characters.

    I did find Magmortar and Electivire's interactions amusing however, the dialogue also flowed decently. You just could have executed things better.
  8. Colt45

    Colt45 Cobalt

    Thanks for the input, that was a very in-depth, helpful review of the prologue.

    I will edit the details you have brought up into the the story when I get the chance.

    Edit: You should have known that Electivire and Magmortar weren't owned by the chief, because there were several instances that it showed they were specially treated in the pokemon wrold.
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2013
  9. VioiV

    VioiV I Am Zora!

    Liking this so far keep it up! And um... PM list please?
  10. Colt45

    Colt45 Cobalt

    Sure thing, thanks for the kind words :)
  11. OnceDone

    OnceDone Well-Known Member

    Just read it! I really enjoy it!
    Hahaha Totodile reminds me of Merle XD
  12. Colt45

    Colt45 Cobalt

    Thanks for checking it out! Yeah, Totodile is alot like Merle XD

    Anyways, to my readers in general, a new chapter should be up by next monday, but possibly as soon as later today.
    Last edited: Feb 26, 2013
  13. Jake76

    Jake76 Well-Known Member

    I'd love to review your fic Colt45, thanks for asking!

    So I'm sure as you've seen, I don't really like just tearing things apart for spelling and grammar. I feel like that you wouldn't really LEARN from that, you would just correct the mistakes I found so I'm just going to look at your fic from purely a lit review standpoint.

    First, I really like the premise of a zombie apocalypse in the Pokemon universe. I think the two could blend really well...but it could also go horribly wrong. I think most important for you is going to be establishing your own set of parameters for the rules within your universe. For instance, the zombies in The Walking Dead are very different from the zombies in 28 Weeks Later. Make sure you stay consistent with how your zombies are presented. Also, I'm a little confused on some specifics of this outbreak. So clearly humans are infected and hunting Pokemon...but can Pokemon be infected? You never really elaborated. And did Arceus infect all humans? Or are they also attacking each other and that's how the disease is spreading? Just some immediate questions that came up as I read.

    Second, and it's kind of been addressed a little...but the Pokemon in your story are all basically stand ins for human characters (especially Magmortar and Electivire). It seems like you're writing a normal zombie apocalypse story...and then substituting Pokemon in for human characters. I feel like you need to choose one of two directions for your story to go. Either a.) you should make it like a PMD fic with ONLY Pokemon and no humans. This means your zombies, survivors, everything are Pokemon. This gives credence to why your Pokemon are acting so independently and would also make fights between survivors and zombies something that the zombie genre hasn't already overdone. Your second option is to tone back the Pokemon as main characters. In fact, I would probably make them trainers surviving the apocalypse alongside their Pokemon companions. I just think it reads really weird when humans and Pokemon who act almost entirely human interact in a story. I don't get sucked in because it just feels a little contrived. Hence, why no PMD fics involve humans.

    Also, I think you would be wise to let the Pokemon injure zombies with their own attacks. I mean how is Magmortar using a gun? He doesn't even hands...he has cannons for hands. Essentially he was holding a small gun with a much larger gun...and he can shoot fire out of the gun on his hand. I mean I don't know if you've seen 28 weeks later but clearly the flamethrower is a pretty effective weapon against a zombie horde. Really, the Magmortar and Electivire part is really rough. There's nothing Pokemon about them. They speak english, use weapons, have families, and live in houses. It's so weird, I probably would've quit reading if I wasn't trying to give you a solid review. Chansey and Blissey work at the Pokemon center...but they work in the same way German Shepherds work in K9 units...they're not independant people. They're a companion, trained to do a specific job.

    All in all, you're a solid writer. As I said above, I love your premise...but I'm not liking the execution so far. I think what would be smart for you is to go read a PMD fic. Obviously, you're not writing PMD...but they way you're writing is probably most similar to a PMD fic. Your description is pretty solid (especially action sequences) but I don't know...the story feels not very Pokemon-ish...if that makes sense. Good luck!
  14. Colt45

    Colt45 Cobalt

    Thanks for reviewing!

    As far as this goes, you're not supposed to know about how the outrbreak happened and why and such, no pokemon can't be infected, but I will go back and edit that to make it clear. Yes all humans are infected, but I guess I'll go back and make that clear in the original content as well.

    You're mostly critizizing Electivire and Magmortar as pokemon acting like humans, and I plan to eventually go back and edit the entire prologue and Electivre/Magmortar portion of the first chapter to make them seem much more pokemon like, but are the starters really that human-like? They are using moves and such. Also, like I said before, every human is infected and there's a reason for that, do you think I could make it work with that in mind, because the two options you're giving me are pretty drastic changes to my plot lol.

    Don't worry I'll edit the entire prologue and 1st chapter with the electivire/magmortar parts. I'm completely revamping their portion of the story.

    Thanks for the compliments on my descriptions, and the firendly criticism on my execution. Any PMDs you'd reccomend? Also, you didn't mention the starter portion of the story specifically at all, which was the part I was most satisfied with, do you think if I went back and revamped the electivrie/magmortar portion (which I myself was never satisfied with honestly), that I could continue the story in the current format? One more thing, the dialogue, though I know you said it was human-like, do you think it would've been good if they were human characters? Thanks for the review again, I really appreciate it!
  15. Jake76

    Jake76 Well-Known Member

    Okay well if it's all for plot purposes, then that's fine. Mainly I was just trying to point out that certain things were unclear, whether that was intentional or not.

    So I went back and reread your fic WITHOUT reading the prologue and you're right. The starters arent that poorly done. It kind of reminds me of that episode in the anime in season 1 where Ash's Pokemon are looking for him...so actually you're correct. That part is fine.

    I think this will solve a lot of your problems.

    To be honest, I don't read many PMDs. Not because they aren't done well but they just don't interest me that much...but just look through and find some to read. Even if you're reading a bad one, read through the reviews. You'll gain a lot of insight that way. Bear in mind though, your story is not a typical PMD. It's kind of your own thing. I just think it closest resembles a PMD. But like I said, with the Prologue fixed, I find your story very viable and good luck!
  16. deh74

    deh74 Seine Majestät

    This is a really interesting premise, I only wish that Pokemon could be infected too so that we could get a zombie chikorita using some of decayed razor leaf. Cab I be added to three PM list, I live anything zombie.
  17. Colt45

    Colt45 Cobalt

    You bet ya thanks for reading!

    Edit: Also, to all my readers, I know I said earlier I'd have the next chapter out by Thursday, but I might need to take a little longer now that I know I'm going to be rewriting the whole prologue and part of the 1st chapter. It will be out by this time next week though, I promise.
    Last edited: Feb 26, 2013
  18. Jake76

    Jake76 Well-Known Member

    Hey Colt45! Just wanted to give some serious credit for the rewrite in the Prologue. I know it sucks to rewrite something you already worked hard on but I admire you. Not necessarily just for rewriting but for actually taking in the constructive criticism that you were given and learning from it. The Prologue is now incredibly believable and in my opinion, is more tense than the previous iteration. I think it also helps to better set up the rest of your story as Magmortar and Lectivire seem to be on the same level as the starters. Good work Colt
  19. Colt45

    Colt45 Cobalt

    Thanks so much for the kind words! I'm very grateful to you and Doryuzu for helping me realize I needed to go in a different direction in order to make the story more believable and hopefully enjoyable.
    Last edited: Feb 28, 2013
  20. Shymain

    Shymain Shaymin Lover

    Wow! For a first shot this is amazing! In my opinion as good as some experienced writer's work. I must admit that when first seeing the summary, I was not pleased with what looked like another 'Zombie Pokemon' disease. Then I quickly read through the current writing, and was amazed at the detail that you out into this, the character development, and the action!

    Just a note, I noticed that sometimes when the characters were talking in chapter 2, you didn't capitalize.

    This is an awesome fic! Please add me to the PM list!

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