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[B]The Fab Five Faction[/B]

HB5squared

I'm Back
This is my first Fic so I hope you like it :)

The Fab Five Faction​


“Ewww” Melissa said as she stared at Lisa who was shoving food into her mouth, like fat was now cool. Melissa sat across from her friend on the other cushion of the green booth inside of Luigi and Ledyba’s pizza. Her new light blue jeans were crossed, with her two hands folded on top, one arm was bare and the other had a matching blue wrist-to-elbow band on it. She looked down to make sure no pizza sauce was on the front of her new white tank top. Melissa looked back up, backhanding her blonde, shoulder-blade length hair off her shoulders and fixing her blue headband.

She noticed her friend Lisa was still shoving pizza in to her big mouth. Lisa was a short girl and was skinny too, but she ate as if she was huge! Her shoulder length, red hair looked beautiful compared to her big nose and half-crooked teeth. “I can’t help that I’m hungry!” Lisa said, stuffing another piece of pizza into her lip glossless mouth. This time, some sauce dripped on to her red shorts but she quickly mopped it up with the inside of her long-sleeved black shirt. “Why are you such an anorexic? “ Lisa asked through a mouthful of cheese.

“Because I don’t want to be fat!” Melissa uttered as she rolled her eyes. She began to rotate her left heel in the air as she waited impatiently for her friend to finish. “I thought you said that you had a cool pokemon?” Melissa asked as she annoyingly tapped her fingernails on the wooden table.

“I do,” Lisa said defensively. “It’s just that it isn’t mine, it’s my mom’s.”

“I don’t care!” Melissa sighed annoyingly. “Stop being such a grumpig and show the darn thing to me,” she ordered her friend, while giving her a glare. She lowered her brow and gave Lisa an arrogant look as she scoffed and stood up.

“Where are you going?”

“Away from you, you miltank!” Melissa shouted as she exited through the nearest door and out to the busy streets. ‘I need some company now.’ Melissa thought to herself. She dug into her pocket and pulled out a loveball. It’s purple top showed a heart, which gave the much, needed dazzle which its white bottom didn’t have. “Swablu come out.”

Melissa held up the loveball and with a red flash, a blue bird-pokemon materialized. Its two wings on either side looked like soft, cushiony, cotton pillows. It had two pieces of hair sticking up out of the top of its head making it look like it had a bad hair day. Its talons were cutely manicured and its tail was nice and straight. “Swablu,” it chirped softly, as it flew in a loop-de-loop beside the now walking Melissa.

“Swablu, some girls *coughLisacough* annoy me so much. I am the best and people like me who are the best, don’t eat pizza.” Melissa continued to talk to her pokemon as she barged through and ignored the crowds of people. “She is probably the only girl in all of Saffron city that isn’t like…” She paused and stopped walking, her flying pokemon stopped by her side, continuing to flap its cotton wings up and down. “Y’know in the group.” Again, she paused and leaned in closer to her swablu. “The Fab five. The other girls told me to talk to her and ya she is soooo not getting in. After all we can’t be like the Fab six.” Melissa shuddered at the thought of not having an alliteration name. “Then again, I hate all the girls in the group anyway so maybe she can join the faction.”

Melissa began to walk again this time passing a group of cars. They surrounded a fabulous mansion and all looked quite fancy. Melissa remembered that she was supposed to get a car but her parents couldn’t afford it. She felt a sudden urge rushing through her body. “Swablu peck attack.” Melissa ordered eyeballing the tires of the expensive cars. She laughed contently once the misdeed was done and her pokemon was on her shoulder.

She began to walk but only for a short time. She came to a stop in front of a two-story, blue roofed and light blue painted house. Melissa strutted slowly up like a fashion model on a runway. She reached the mahogany doors and struck a pose with her swablu posing on her shoulder. She knocked on the door lightly twice and it was immediately answered.

“Melissa!” A girl shouted happily. She was smaller then Melissa and less pretty. Although she wasn’t totally unfortunate looking, she still had ugly hair and poor taste. Her hair was raven dark and shoulder length but made her head look big. She had an awful, green dress on that cut off before her thighs. She also sported ugly black rocker boots that definitely didn’t suit her. “Well come in,” The girl said as she widened the door for her friend to enter.

“Thanks Tiffany,” Melissa said sarcastically as she pushed through and walked up the nearby staircase. As she and her still perched swablu reached the top, she heard Tiffany’s boots stomping up the hardwood floor behind her. When she had gotten to a bright pink door Tiffany was right behind her. Melissa opened the door and walked into a very bright room. It had a skitty pink carpet that gave home to an azurill blue bed and a gardevoir green dresser. It also housed five rainbow colored beanbag chairs that were in the centre of the room, forming a circle. On the beanbags were two girls and one guy leaving room for two more people.

“Well, how was Lisa?” One of the girls asked. She had short blonde hair that went just below her chin level. She had smooth caramel skin that was covered with a short, black tank top that just went below her bust. She had matching black pants that were low leaving at least three inches between them and her belly button.

“Karen,” The brunette girl snapped, quickly whacking her blonde friend. Unlike Karen’s caramel skin, this girl had a fair complexion. Her hair went down to her mid-back and flipped at the end. She wore a black dress that cut off very short. On her hands, she had elegant, white gloves that matched her high heels. “At least let the home girl sit down before you check up on the down low.” She finished her sentence smiling and patting the beanbag next to her.

“Thanks Alicia,” Melissa said, sitting down on one of the chairs as her swablu fluttered above. Once Melissa had gotten comfy her swablu sat snuggly upon Melissa’s head. “Swablu, you can sit there for now, but enjoy it because it’ll probably be your last time.”

“You’re only nice to your pokemon,” Tiffany whispered to herself as she took the final beanbag and rolled her eyes. “You’re awfully quiet today Brian.” Tiffany said now loud enough for everyone to hear and smacking the only boy on his leg.

”Ya I guess so,” Brian replied with a southern accent. He wore a simple white t-shirt with dark blue rims at the end of the sleeves, which matched his backwards cap and dark blue jeans that were being supported by a brown belt. He took of his cap and scratched his head, which was covered by messy brown hair. “It’s just that my girlfriend broke up with me.”

The sound of break up intrigued the rest of the faction’s attention and the girls stared at their only boy member with love in their eyes. The caramel skinned Karen pulled down her top revealing some cleavage and Alicia slowly leaned closer. Where as Melissa simply ignored him as she knew that if he were going to pick anyone it’d be her.

“Shut-up you guys,” Melissa announced as she rolled her eyes. “We are all friends and besides,” she paused as she fixed her blue, wrist and headbands. “He needs some time to get over it. If you want Brian I can be your bodyguard from other girls, until you are completely sure that you won’t get your girlfriend back.”

“I just need something to take her off my mind,” Brian said looking down at the skitty floor.

“I know,” Tiffany excitedly said standing up, making a large bang, as her boots were so big. “Why don’t we have a Fab Five Faction pokemon battle?”

“Ok,” Karen said. “But it won’t be in my house.”

“Well,” Alicia interrupted. “Why don’t I be the ref. my krabby is so tired and my hypno is totally not ready for a battle today. This’ll be good, that way it can be a double, team battle.”

“O.k.” the faction said in unison.

“Is that alright with you?” Melissa asked in an abnormally cute voice to her resting swablu. The blue bird pokemon nodded its head up and down and then tweeted “swabluuuu” signifying it was ready to go.

:):(:):(:):(:):(:):(:):(:):(:):(:):(:):(:):(:):(:):(:):(:):(:):(:):(:):(:):(:):(:):(:)

Inside the basement of SILPH co. the Fab five faction was getting ready for a battle. On one side of the president’s long mini golf course were Melissa and Brian, and on the other side, were Tiffany and Karen. Standing on top of the only chair, to the side of the course was Alicia who had two flags in her hands.

The golf course was perfect for a pokemon battle. It was mostly grass but had a large portion to the left, which was sand, and another larger portion to the right, which was a deep lake. There was at least 20 feet between the two teams, which made it even better as there was plenty of space to maneuver.

“This match will consist of one battle, in which both members of each team are only allowed to use one pokemon. When both pokemon on either team faints that team shall lose. When both teams are ready let the battle begin!” Alicia declared loudly, having her voice echo throughout the basement.

Brian took out his loveball from his pocket and threw it to the centre of the field. “Go stantler,” he called out as the pink and white ball clicked and revealed a moose-pokemon. Its fur was a light shade of brown with an even lighter underside. It had three spots, which were close to its short puffy tail. Its small black nose twitched as it shouted, “Stantler!” and raised its antlers high into the air.

Melissa put her right hand on her hip and struck another pose. With the high-profile fashion model pose, her swablu flew off her head next to the much bigger stantler. Swablu flew onto one of stantler’s antlers and posed to her enemies.

Karen looked over at her frozen opponent and just smiled. She quickly pulled out a loveball from her pants and threw it next to the water. It opened and a rock solid pink pokemon sat next to the pool. Its body was all pink except for its underside and a couple of spots, which were white. It had four stubs for legs and coral braches sat atop of its head. It looked over at Karen before diving into the pond. As it did so it giggled, “Corsola!”

Tiffany also took out a pink and white loveball and threw it to the sand section. As she did so she shouted, “Go cacturne!” In the sand a giant human-like cactus appeared. Its body resembled that of a scarecrow and it had deep yellow eyes that brought fear to its opponents. The green pokemon also had a cap-like structure on top of its head, which he pulled on and said, “Cacturne.”

“Swablu, use peck attack on cacturne!” Melissa commanded with a soothing voice.

“Stantler, hypnosis on corsola!” Brian shouted, pointing to the pink coral-pokemon.

“Cacturne, faint attack as soon as swablu gets to you but before stantler gets to corsola.” Tiffany shouted quickly.

“Corsola, dive quick!” Karen demanded.

Swablu quickly jetted towards the cactus-pokemon, with its sharp beak pointed at its target. Just before swablu’s attack connected cacturne disappeared, leaving swablu clueless. The cactus-pokemon quickly reappeared in front of the charging stantler who was sending off sleep-inducing beams directed at the now underwater corsola. Before stantler could get any closer to the pond, cacturne tripped it, making it fall face first onto the grass.

“Stantler, use agility into a double team!” Brian shouted at his fallen pokemon.

The stantler got up quickly and began to run around the field, faster than an arcanine. The brown blur came to a stop revealing many stantler surrounding the outside of the golf course.

“Which one is the real one?” Tiffany asked facing Karen.

“Don’t worry. Corsola, now use surf!” Karen replied and demanded.

“Cacturne, pin missile on the incoming wave!” Tiffany quickly commanded.

“Swablu, get by cacturne!” Melissa shouted.

As the many stantler looked over at the rising wave swablu quickly flew towards the eerie scarecrow-pokemon. Cacturne couldn’t resist the temptation and began to shoot the pin missiles at swablu instead of the wave. Swablu was knocked down and hit right into corsola’s attack. The attack wiped out all the fake stantler and located the real one who was being washed away with cacturne who had no time to defend himself.

“Cacturne!” Tiffany yelled frustrated, as the water quickly evaporated.

All three of the pokemon hit by the water lay together quietly with their eyes shut. It was obvious that these pokemon had enough and each of their trainers returned them back to their loveballs.

Alicia stood up and lifted a flag towards Karen and Tiffany. “Swablu, stantler, and cacturne are unable to battle. Leaving corsola the last one standing. This means, Tiffany and Karen have won the match!”

“Who’s down here?” The Faction heard a deep voice call out. They had battled here many times and had yet to be caught ‘breaking and entering’ but this time shouldn’t be any different. “I said who’s down here?” The rough voice said, now closer than before. They looked over to the door that led to the elevator and saw it twisting. It was too late for them to move so they sat their in defeat. As the SILPH security guard entered the golf course so did a pokemon.

It was a purple pokemon other wise known as swalot. It had a yellow string-like mustache hanging from under his nose. Its gigantic mouth took up most of its body, from its beady red eyes to the black diamond pattern near its end. “Swalot!” It shouted, making the security jump.

“Use poison gas!” A familiar voice shouted from the window, in which the Faction had entered.

The guard knew that if he were poisoned, it would be a rough time getting to the hospital by himself. So he did what any respectable security guard would do, run away.

The faction turned around to see the figure in the window laughing as it jumped down. “Hey Melissa,” the now recognizable Lisa said. “Aren’t you glad I stalked you up until now?”

Melissa rolled her eyes as Karen said, “Why didn’t you want her to join the Fab five faction?” Karen returned her pink pokemon to its ball and shook hands with her savior, Lisa.

“I didn’t want her to join because she’s a fat wannabe. She has a swalot, doesn’t that tell you anything?” Melissa said as she put her hands on her hip.

“You don’t like me?” Lisa said surprised.

“You’d think that you would’ve caught on, you are nothing but a loser and like why did you stalk us? Oh and please don’t tell me that that is your mother’s pokemon!” Melissa said rudely.

“Well, my mom gave it to me and I’m not a loser.” Lisa sobbed as she returned her huge-mouthed pokemon to its ball.

The other faction members joined the teary Lisa’s side and all gave Melissa a dirty look.

“How can you be so rude?” Brian asked, patting Lisa on the back.

“Ya, she just saved our butts!” Alicia said standing with her arms folded across her chest.

“I think there is only one loser here,” Tiffany announced. “The only loser who isn’t apart of the Fab Five Faction anymore. I don’t think we’ll need to worry about changing the name of our group, because one person is out and another is in. Lisa welcome to the Fab Five Faction and Melissa, go ruin someone else’s life!” Following the speech form Tiffany came a light applause from the other members and Lisa.

Melissa gave everyone a dirty look as she walked out. “I’m still the best,” She said to herself, stroking her hair madly.
 
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PDL

disenchanted
I'm going to be kind of honest here...

while it is written out fairly well (it's better then 60% of first time fanfics) I'm afraid really didn't like the characters in this story all that much, especially Melissa who comes of as a grade-A bitch.

I also didn't really like how you tented to discribe the character's clothing (which is ulimately forgetable) while you completely ignored actual personalities. Especially when it came to the pokemon (except for possibly Swablu)

but, keep on writing, you show some promise.
 

HB5squared

I'm Back
I've read many fanfics and I've noticed one thing that is consitent in all of them, you can never really hate the prtogonist, which is why I portrayed Melissa as a big B***h or else it would just be the same protagonist: dark, cheerful, melancholy, mysterious, determined AKA BORING I've never read a fanfic that I feel like going through the screen and really slapping the protagonist, so I've done something original I made the first ever serebii, main character, B*itch. As for the 2d pokemon traits, Melissa is the main character and thus, her pokemon are the ones who will get more developed as for the other characters(besides Lisa and Swalot) They are what my writing class calls 'flat' They are just there, one or two personality traits but normally are just stepping stones for the bigger picture.
 

HB5squared

I'm Back
I think I will make a new chapter if this thread stays above 4stars :)
 

whiteabsol

.:Daisy Dancing:.
For a first time writing a fic, this really isn't that bad.

If you go through the fic carefully, you'll notice a few silly mistakes but nothing really major.

I have to agree with bobert about the main character. You normally don't see main character's like her.

The one thing you might want to do is start giving the pokemon their own natures. I can tell that the swablue has a somewhat sassy nature but the others I can't really guess. As the story continues, keep that in mind.
 

HB5squared

I'm Back
White absol- like I've said before the other pokemon are flat characters as they are only stepping stones for a bigger picture. I'm glad to know you hate melissa and that's what kind of person she is. You are right about swablu's personality, so good job on that. Those little mistakes, would you mind pointing them out please.
 

whiteabsol

.:Daisy Dancing:.
Melissa sat across from her friend on the other cushion of the green booth inside of Luigi and ledyba’s pizza.

Capitalize Ledyba's Pizza.

She reached the mahogany doors and struck a pose with her swablu posing on her shoulder.

Swablu needs to be capitalized

As she and her still perched swablu reached the top, she heard tiffany’s boots stomping up the hardwood floor behind her.

You made the same mistake here and Tiffany needs to be capitalized.

“Well, how was Lisa,” One of the girls asked.

Instead of the comma after Lisa, put a question mark and make the O in one lowercase.

Once Melissa had gotten comfy her swablu sat snuggly upon Melissa’s head.

Capitalize Swablu

“Why don’t I be the ref. my krabby is so tired and my hypno is totally not ready for a battle today. This’ll be good, that way it can be a double, team battle.”

Capitalize My, Krabby, and Hypno.

“Is that alright with you?” Melissa asked in an abnormally cute voice to her resting swablu.
Capitalize Swablu.


All of them are pretty much capitalization errors. There are some more past those happy/sad faces which you might want to get rid of.
 

HB5squared

I'm Back
whiteabsol said:
Swablu needs to be capitalized

swablu is an animal or pokemon why would I need to capitilize it, I could understand if it were her nickname but it isn't.

Other than that consider them corrected.
 

whiteabsol

.:Daisy Dancing:.
It's really your choice weather or not to capitalize them but becuase you capitalized them in the battle part, it'll be better if you stick with it. Besides, that technically is the pokemon's name if it doesn't have a nickname yet.
 

HB5squared

I'm Back
In the battle part they are only capitilized at the front of sentences *giggle* but like you said it is my choice and I choose not to capitilize them because I wouldn't say something like.

The Cat walked to me.

I'd say,

The cat walked to me.
 

Alastor DMc

Well-Known Member
In my fic I do the same thing. If you're speaking about the pokemon itself, you don't capitalize it, but if you're useing the name then you do. Like she siad, you wouldn't write, "There are so many Dogs in here" but if his name happened to be Dog then you could write, "Hello, this is my friend Dog." Some people say "it's a choice," even though it's wrong to choose the other way.

As for your fic, I think it's pretty cool. I'd give it a 7/10
 

HB5squared

I'm Back
Alistor DMC- thank you for the defense and 7/10. With your advice what would make this fic a 10/10? Because you didn't even say why *giggle*

Everyone else- for the next chapter what do you think would make it better?
 

Alastor DMc

Well-Known Member
well, sorry for not clarifying, but when I say 7/10 I mean that it's a good story. Good to read, good characters, good plot, etc. A 10/10 would be the best story I've ever read, and no offense, but this isn't the best story I've ever read. What can you do better? Well... to be honest I'm not sure, it's good the way it is. To make a good story an excellent story just takes practice, experience and imagination. You've got imagination, and as you continue to write you'll gain experience and practice. Good luck to you, I'll continue to read and review when I can.
 

HB5squared

I'm Back
Alastor Dmc If 7/10 is a good fic and 10/10 is the best fic. Then what lies in the middle and what do I need to achieve that.
 

Shadows Follower

Well-Known Member
This is definately an original story line. I'm intriged to see what will happen next. The characters are funny with their different attitudes and the pokemon battle was described well. I look forward to reading the next chapter.
 

HB5squared

I'm Back
Chapter 2

Here is the second chapter I hope you like it.

Chapter 2​

“Melissa, your home,” A smiling mother said happily to her daughter. Like Melissa, she had blonde hair except hers was tied in a neat ponytail that went to her thighs. She was much plumper and jollier then her daughter but still wore the same headband and wristband.

“Get out of my way mom!” Melissa shouted as she pushed her chubby mother out of the entrance. Melissa was red in the face and had her fists clenched from what had recently happened. The entrance had a tidy shoe rack, which Melissa ignored and instead went straight up the shag-carpeted stairs that lead to what appeared to be some sort of attic. However, when she opened the dusty brown door the inside appeared to be a regular bedroom.

After she had slammed her door angrily, Melissa fiercely knocked over her poke dolls that were sitting harmless on her bland, brown dresser. She kicked her pink clothes hamper, spilling its contents all over her pink and blue carpet. Melissa flung herself onto her bright pink bed, directly across from the door, and put up one of her pichu pillows to her face and let out a high-pitched scream.

Moments went by with out a breath for air. She stopped screaming and pulled the pillow away from her now almost blue face. She violently gasped for air as tears began to stream down her face along with her runny mascara. She began to sob incoherently as she stroked her blonde hair. “I… will… get them!” She howled. “No one… does this to… me! I was their LEADER!” She angrily shouted as she flung her pichu pillow at an already fallen poke doll.
Melissa stood up and wiped her make-up and tears away. She fixed her wrinkled clothing and walked over to her dresser. One of the drawers was sticking out a little. Inside it had three loveballs. She slowly reached in and took the on in the centre. She looked at it, holding it above her head. She then pushed a button and it shrunk, small enough so that she could put it inside her wristband, where she kept her swablu. She then looked over at the other two loveballs and decided to take them too. As she did to the first one, she hit their buttons, shrunk them, and shoved them into her wristband.


Melissa stood before a row of cell phones, with the green monster growing inside of her. She hated not having things that others had and couldn’t take the urge to have one any longer. She pulled out one of the loveballs from yesterday and chucked it high above the cell phone booth. The familiar red flash gave birth to a large, turquoise pokemon, which almost looked human, aside from its horn that sat between its blank eyes and its mouse-like ears. It looked strong and somehow happy; it had a beige color that made a V at its crotch, which went up the underside of its tail, and two circles at its bosoms. The pokemon looked back at its trainer and greeted her with a wave and a loud, “Nidoqueen!” The voice of the muscular pokemon shook the booth and acquired the interests of the surrounding shoppers. Nidoqueen had noticed what she had done and quickly covered its mouth with her two hands. The now blushing nidoqueen tiptoed over to the side of Melissa and gave her a back-cracking hug.

“I missed you too,” Melissa, said sarcastically. “Now put me down!” She commanded.

“What’s all this?” The clerk of the cell phone booth asked, walking over to the two disruptions. “Pokemon aren’t allowed inside the store! Can’t you read?” He said rudely, pointing to a sign. He fixed his official poke mart apron and folded his arms across his chest.

“Nidoqueen, this man is trying to hurt me,” Melissa whined with a new tone. “Won’t you please stop him?” She asked, looking at her muscle-bound fool of a pokemon with puppy dog eyes.

Nidoqueen looked at her trainer sadly, convinced that the man was trying to hurt her friend. She turned to the store clerk angrily and whacked him across the store with a quick tail whip. Nidoqueen bowed down gently, not noticing Melissa taking a bright pink cell phone.

Melissa walked over to the automatic exit of the poke mart, only to be confronted by Officer Jenny of Saffron city. She had her official police hat on, which was giving shelter to her hair that was a shade of blue-green and spiked at the ends, which touched her shoulders. She held out her right palm as if telling Melissa to stop. “What did you take?” She asked in a loud voice.

“Nothing Officer Jenny, ma’am” Melissa said in an innocently cute voice. “I took out my nidoqueen because it was time to take her medicine and that store clerk started to harass us, so my nidoqueen flung him away with a tail-whip attack.”

“She took a cell phone!” One of the bystanders shouted.

‘I need this cell phone, so that the Fab Five Faction will take me in. If they see I’m cool enough for this beauty then they’ll have to take me back,” Melissa thought to herself. ‘Not that I care if they do or don’t’ she overlapped her thinking. “Of course I didn’t.” Melissa said defensively. She quickly dug into her sleeve to pull out another loveball.

With a click, the ball opened and revealed a ballerina-like pokemon. The pokemon’s head was green and included two orange clip-like structures that led to, and helped create what appeared to be pigtails. Aside from her thin legs, the rest of her body was white. Her white portion included her face and body, which looked almost like a short dress. The pokemon appeared to have no fingers and only had two toes that it stood tiptoed on, giving it an elegant look. The pokemon spun around until it had levitated next to Melissa. The pokemon looked blankly at her trainer and whispered, “Kirlia,” in a proud voice.

“Kirlia, use confusion to make everyone forget what happened.” Melissa said staring cold-heartedly into the eyes of the shocked Officer Jenny.

Kirlia spun around again, this time around the whole store. Her clip-like horns were glowing as it danced gracefully through the air. Officer Jenny’s eyes went blank, as did the rest of the people in the mart as their memories were wiped clean of what had taken place. Kirlia made sure not to attack her trainer or ally as if she had, some discipline would take place.

“Follow it with hypnosis,” Melissa quietly commanded.

The horns on kirlia’s head stopped glowing as its eyes lit up. Waves of psychic energy targeted all of the stores inhabitants, aside from her allies. They memory wiped people fell to the ground in a deep sleep. Nidoqueen watched in fear as Officer Jenny hit the floor; face first, right beside her feet.

Kirlia floated gracefully back down between her content master and frightened ally. “Good job,” Melissa said praising the misdeed of her kirlia. Kirlia giggled lightly, putting its hand in front of its mouth as it did so.

“Stop right there!” The painful voice of Lisa called out from behind Melissa. “Trying to steal? Too bad your little memory erase escape plan doesn’t work when my slowpoke is using safeguard.”

Lisa was holding a dumb looking, pink pokemon in her arms. The pokemon had a tail with a white tip at the end that hung out of her arms and swayed slowly back and forth. Its eyes stared dumbly at Melissa as it said, “Slow…poke.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be with the Fab five faction?” Melissa asked rudely, with her nidoqueen and kirlia by her side.

“Actually, I’m getting things for our party.” Lisa snapped back.

“I’m sure you could use some more food,” Melissa said sarcastically as she rolled her eyes. The comment was followed by a light giggle from her kirlia and a loud hearty laugh from her nidoqueen.

“I’m sorry that I like eating, ok!” Lisa defensively said, now squeezing her slowpoke. “Is that what you wanted to hear?”

“No, I want to hear the morning news announcing your death!”

Lisa stood back, dropping her gasping slowpoke. She wobbled as if she was just hit by a bullet. Her eyes began to grow teary as she was inflicted by the pain caused by Melissa’s hurtful words. “I’ll report you,” Lisa threatened, trying to conceal her pain.

“Why?” Melissa asked giving Lisa a dirty look. “Will that fix all the things that everyone says about you?”

“Everyone?” Lisa asked, picking her slowpoke back up.

“Didn’t someone tell you? They only let you in the group because they feel sorry for you. They all think you are a total nerd who should go die in a hole.”

Lisa processed what Melissa had just said. She took a hard gulp and asked, “Then why are they throwing me a party?”

“Oh, the party,” Melissa chuckled evilly. “This isn’t really a party. No, no, no. This is when they are going to embarrass you and make fun of you. Alicia sent me an e-mail telling me all about it. I’m not supposed to be telling you this but I don’t want them to hurt you.”

“That’s not true!” Lisa shrilled, now with tears flowing down her face. “Slowpoke, blast her!”

The watery eyes of Lisa were soon accompanied by a blast of water coming from slowpoke’s mouth. The blast connected with Melissa and sent her flying into some shelves. Kirlia and Nidoqueen quickly ran over to help their master get up.

“You little!” Melissa screamed. “Nidoqueen tail whip her!”

“Slowpoke, disable!” Lisa yelled, still holding her pink pokemon.

Nidoqueen charged over to Lisa with anger in her eyes. She spun around to whack her opponent with her tail but was stopped right before she connected, by a psychic force.

“Nidoqueen, return.” Melissa said, holding up her pokemon’s loveball. “You want a battle? I’ll give you a battle! Kirlia double team into a confusion!”

“Slowpoke water gun!”

Kirlia began to move back and forth creating copies of herself. Slowpoke then hopped out of its trainer’s arms and onto the floor, where it began to spray water aimlessly at the copy of Kirlia. It took in a deep breath getting ready to aim at another one of the many kirlias, when their horns began to glow and what was three pokemon become one as the psychic pokemon blasted the slowpoke with her psychic power. “SLOOOOWWW” It cried in agony as it turned to its side in defeat.

Lisa took out a regular pokeball and returned her pokemon to its ball shaped home. She looked up still drenched in tears only to see a foggy figure coming towards her. It was Melissa, who was still soaked. She had her fist clenched and before Lisa knew it, she was on the ground with a painful, now purple eye. “Stay away from the Fab Five Faction!” Melissa shrieked as she kicked her foe in the gut.

Melissa headed to the exit as some of the shoppers began to awake. “Kirlia wipe her memory,” Melissa said as she exited the mart and strutted contently with a new phone and a new enemy.
 

Alastor DMc

Well-Known Member
no no no, what I meant is 10/10 is the score I would give the best story I've ever read (fan fic or otherwise) What I'm trying to say (sorry, I'll just be blunt now) is you're very talented for someone with so little experience.

Nice second chapter. I've got a question now though, do you have the plot all worked out, or is each chapter going to be like an individual story with reoccuring characters? What I mean is, my fic was planned from the first chapter to have a last chapter, and everything inbetween is already planned out by myself. Is yours similar, or will it be an on going story?

Keep up the good work.
 

HB5squared

I'm Back
I have the ending planned out and what I need to incoorporate to get to the climatical point but as for the fillings, I'm not sure yet. This is a story about revenge, backstabbing and the group everyone wants to be apart of. Its located in the greatest city, saffron and of course has pokemon to thicken the plot. So do I have it all planned? Of course not, just what I want to happen, not how it is going to happen. When I write I let my muse take over my spirit and just type away. :)
 
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