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Battle For The Frontier - a fanfic by Spallding!

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.Dan.S.2006.

Guest
Nah the guy didn't die, he was just paralysed. We'll leave another of his team to clear up the mess :p It's afic BTW. I suck at comics o.o at least with fics I can express myself. Thanks.
 

Guitar dude bill

It's here, it's near
errr last chapter you didn't do enough full stops. now you did too many. do you do this on microsoft word. do every grammar mistake it tells you to correct. unless your sure that they've got the wrong idea. and you aren't doing speech marks to end a lot of speech. and you forgot the idea for describing enviroments and areas more often. that is extremely important for good reviews. this chapter was still good but a bit short. 2 pages is the amount it needs to be enjoyed. 1 page is enough to obey the rules. and i needs to get longer and longer every chapter. try giving your characters more of a personality, it's not as if their acting machines. just need more of a personality. try doing different personalities like. dependent, grumpy, brave and determined E.G. (don't just have those following, just have have more than one personality) here are the ratings.
grammar: you forget to end speech at alot of parts, remember to have a second speech mark when somebody is no longer talking, also too many full stops. if your slightly reffering to what you just wrote it's a comma. if it isn't reffering to what you just said then it's a full stop, get in ya head (i suck at grammar so i can't talk very much)
personalities: try doing numbers of sets of personalities rather than just one altogether. possibly looking at the pokemon natures could help. they have a bit of a personality, they just need a bit more
description: good but you didn't describe the persons hair and describe the environment more often. but i understand that you understand how do describe things
gotta go. nearly out of battery
 
D

.Dan.S.2006.

Guest
You got the wrong idea that was only part of the chapter, I deliver in bits you see. And I fixes those two non-existent speech marks, thanks for pointing them out :D
 

Guitar dude bill

It's here, it's near
spallding! said:
You got the wrong idea that was only part of the chapter, I deliver in bits you see. And I fixes those two non-existent speech marks, thanks for pointing them out :D
actually i haven't got the wrong idea. it is much better if you finish chapters without parts in the chapters. so that part was rather short. and if it's a part of a chapter in one post. in my eyes. it is a chapter. but don't worry about it. your welcome for pointing out the mistakes. they did seriously P me off so we're all happy
 
D

.Dan.S.2006.

Guest
No problem, I hate bad grammer so it kills me to accidentally use it :O
 
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