Battle for the orbs

[English Avatarman]

I've never done a drama comic before so forgive me if I make it either too dramatic or not dramatic enough.

Ok, this a new drama comic I thought up last night. It is about[spoil] an 11 year old boy, who lives in lilycove, called Martin and his freind, Clando, looking for orbs for his grandad.[/spoil]

Okay, lets get started!

Chapter One: The search begins

Episode 1: Martin, Clando, Alex and the orbs
Episode 2: Advise from grandad
Episode 3: Kidnap
Episode 4: Team Aqua
Episode 5: Attack

Mistakes

Ep: 4
Panel: 9
Title: Wonky Laser
Description: A pokeball beam has got corners
Reason: It's easier to draw

Ep: 5
Panel: 3
Title: Flying Aqua member
Description: There's a team Aqua member half way up the wall of Mt. Pyre.
Reason: He's jumping for joy because he's winning!

Ep: 5
Panels: 6 & 8
Title: Odd speech bubbles
Desciption: same as title
Reason: Put them toghether and you get the reason!

Please comment!

 

[Magical Trevor]

Very good plot and good sprites did you make them (Martin etc) the pannels look good put together i think this is a good comic keep up the good work

 

[English Avatarman]

Very good plot and good sprites did you make them (Martin etc) the pannels look good put together i think this is a good comic keep up the good work

Thank you, I made Martin, recoloured Alex and edited the rooms. All the rest I got of sprite recourses!
Ep 4's up and I've planned up to ep 6!

 

[Blivsey]

Hey, as you haven't done much with Aqua in this yet, could you turn those characters into members of the Team Aqua in the clubs section? I'm sure that most of us would love a comic debut...

 

[blueguy]

Not bad... I think the flaws in this are the dialect (which comes across as cheesy sometimes), the pacing (which seems to go too fast), and the grammar (which in some cases needs work). I'm fairly interested in it...

P.S. - Try not to make the beams from the pokéballs go the way they do. Make the beams straight.

 

[English Avatarman]

Not bad... I think the flaws in this are the dialect (which comes across as cheesy sometimes), the pacing (which seems to go too fast), and the grammar (which in some cases needs work). I'm fairly interested in it...

P.S. - Try not to make the beams from the pokéballs go the way they do. Make the beams straight.

Okay, thank yyou for your advise, and I don't understand you oblivion. Next update Tuesday!

 

[Blivsey]

I mean, go to the "Clubs" subforum. There's an actual community of Aqua agents there. Could you make your Aqua agents resemble those people?

 

[Controller of Flames]

Oblivon getting people to do camo's for your club. My team Magma club would never do so. We have all made our sprites already

Now the comic looks good in some ways, but make the laser from the pokeballs go in a straght line, the lapras laser thing looks very wierd.

 

[Magical Trevor]

Nice new episode but when the pokemon are coming out of their pokeballs dont just draw a striaght line.

 

[Politoed]

Nice Comic ^^

 

[Blivsey]

Oblivon getting people to do camo's for your club. My team Magma club would never do so. We have all made our sprites already

Now, CoF, It's not so much cameos as ensuring accuracy. I don't want us incorrectly protrayed....

 

[English Avatarman]

okay, okay, flame war aprouching. We want no-one to get banned.
Anyway, the main comment is strait pokeball lasers.
I've put a mistakes section and episode 5!

I've also made a crappy banner!

 

[Neopolis]

I voted for 5/10. Many improvements needed. On special effects (example: water gun) mainly. In certain cases text bubbles, punctuation and grammar too.

Also, things happen too fast. In panel 8, Team aqua is discussing about them, and in panel 9, they are gone (Leaving their Lapras behind, too.)

 

[English Avatarman]

I voted for 5/10. Many improvements needed. On special effects (example: water gun) mainly. In certain cases text bubbles, punctuation and grammar too.

Also, things happen too fast. In panel 8, Team aqua is discussing about them, and in panel 9, they are gone (Leaving their Lapras behind, too.)

Please may you PM me any puctuation errors, I check the punctuation.
And team Aqua haven't left, they're still there just the speech bubble is covering them.
Anyway, I respect your contribute, I will try to sort out the problems!

 

[Jetx]

It's pretty good. Quite a serious one.

I hope team aqua are the good guys.
Then again, that could make it a bit cliche cos that's what my comic is about. Oh well, very good, could be improved in the entertainment area, but I'm sure it will soon enough.

 

[English Avatarman]

It's pretty good. Quite a serious one.

I hope team aqua are the good guys.
Then again, that could make it a bit cliche cos that's what my comic is about. Oh well, very good, could be improved in the entertainment area, but I'm sure it will soon enough.

Dear Jetx,
I find this post very unusual, team Aqua, in no matter what place, if the writer has a brain and no 00ber obsesion to team Aqua, shall be "good guys", as I see you call them. Some comic do have team Aqua as their "good guys" which makes you think my statement above is incorrect, but look at the second bit, usually they have one of the two. It tends to be the second one. And anyway if you had read my comics carefully, or not that carefully, you'll see they're not. Although I will tend to use team Aqua more than team team Magma in my writing, being I quite like them. A comic is boring and expectable if you use cliches, so it's better not to. And there are three types of comics, Journey, Comedy and Drama, this is drama, it might not be your type. I'm very sorry for not writing in paragraphs, hence not making it clear. Also, I'm working on episode 6. Also if you want a cliched comic, then you'd want Team A to be bad guys, and I'm sorry if I'm mistook you but you sound like your enjoying it. Answer in either post or private message

thanks for reading,

Soaken

 

[Jetx]

O...Kay? I just got influenced by your username, that's why I thought it may happen...

 

[English Avatarman]

O...Kay? I just got influenced by your username, that's why I thought it may happen...

Dear Jetx,

Re: Team Aqua

I understand you are quesioning my username, it's simple, as I stated above I like team Aqua.

Thanks for reading,

Soaken!