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Beat the System

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Gallyrat, Mar 15, 2011.

  1. Gallyrat

    Gallyrat Active Member

    So this is my first pokemon fic that I posted up here a couple months ago - reading over it I thought it would be best if I edited it before coming back to it, so here it is, new and improved.

    Beat the System is about a young trainer named Kent who lives in a slightly more realistic world of pokemon. It's rated PG-13 for violence, swearing, and slightly sexual...stuff.

    So, without further ado, the first chapter!

    Another New Beginning
    Jason patted his pocket reassuringly. After fifteen years of waiting, and dozens of grueling tests both academic and physical, (not to mention psychological) he had finally done it.

    He had finally gotten accepted into the Pokemon league.

    Of course it was a huge accomplishment. Only a few dozen trainers got registered each year, and he had been lucky enough to get through on his first try! (You were assured a spot when you turned eighteen, but who wanted to wait for that?) All he had to do was register his card, and then he could head to the nearest Pokemon League Center (commonly referred to as a PLC) and receive his Starter Pokemon for his journey.

    He was all checked out. Physically fit, intelligent enough to survive on his own, and psychologically stable. No doubt he would make friends on his journey - heck, maybe he could even join a group of already established trainers! He would be the best, and tomorrow was only the beginning...

    “Hey. Kid. C’mere.”

    There was a flash of metal, and Jason fell to the ground in a bloody heap. The man in the alley searched through his pockets and found Jason’s wallet, grabbing the cash and throwing whatever else was in there in the street.

    XXXXXXXXXXXX

    The next day, Kent was having a marginally more difficult time feeling upbeat.

    Simply put, his dad was in jail again, this time for a good long while.

    He shook his head. He had a few hours to pack up before he’d be driven to his semi-regular foster home, and the idea wasn’t exciting him.

    He loved the Jamesons, really, he did. Ms. Jameson was always kind to him, and David and Katy were two of his best friends in the world. But...He had been looking forward to spending time with his dad, and now...

    If he just wouldn’t drink so much...

    Kent was so lost in thought that he almost didn’t notice the wallet on the ground. He frowned and bent down, picking it up and looking through it. As he did, his eyes widened in disbelief.

    It was a trainer registration card, and it was unclaimed.

    Kent nearly choked. These things were impossible to get if you were under eighteen! Who didn’t even bother to enter their name on it before losing it? Kent turned the rest of the wallet inside out looking for an ID, but found none.

    Which meant...

    “Finders keepers,” Kent muttered, a grin spreading over his face, “losers weepers.”

    XXXXXXXXXXXX

    Kent fumbled with the key, finally managing to throw open the door to his house. The place was a mess, as to be expected when its only inhabitants were a drunkard and a 12 year old, but Kent didn’t even pause to notice it. He flew to the house’s terminal, mind whirling at 100 miles-per-hour.

    If this is unclaimed, then all I have to do is swipe it and enter my information. It’ll register me for the Pokemon League! I can get a Pokemon!

    Calm. Calm. He had to think. Had to be careful.

    Alright...I’m young, but the Pokemon League gives rare exceptions if they feel a trainer is especially gifted...I just have to say I tested somewhere big like...Goldenrod! Yes!

    With trembling hands, Kent thumbed in the password and connected to the Pokemon League network. He scanned the card, and was greeted with a triumphant horn sound and the following message.

    Welcome, UNREGISTERED TRAINER!
    You Have Been Accepted By The Pokemon League To Compete In This Year’s Johto Tournament! Congratulations! To Register, Please Fill Out The Following Form.

    Name:
    Age:
    Starter: (Will be added when received)
    Emergency Contact Information:
    Trainer Number:
    Parent/Guardian Signature:
    Trainer Signature:
    Funds:

    Kent gulped, filling in what he would. When he reached Parent/Guardian Signature, he ran to his dad’s room and came back with a letter from Ms. Jameson, complete with her signature. He pressed piece of paper up against the screen, and then traced over it with the stylus. The computer flashed a green check, and Kent let out a sigh of relief.

    For funds, he simply transferred 90% of his dad’s remaining money onto the card. The ******* wouldn’t need it, and maybe this would convince him to get a job when he finally got released. After he was done, the screen flashed green.

    Thank You KENT NICHOLAS!
    You Have Now Been Registered For The Johto Tournament! Please Report To The Nearest Pokemon League Center IN ONE HOUR For Your Pokedex And Starter!
    Good Luck, And Say Cheese!​


    “Huh?”

    There was a flash, and a minute later, Kent was presented with his very own Trainer’s License, complete with a picture of him looking very confused. Kent stifled a giggle. He had beaten the system.

    XXXXXXXXXX

    “Lin?”

    Kent finished stuffing an extra pair of clothes down into his seemingly unending backpack and glanced down at the Pokemon between his legs. “Oh hey Scout,” He said, picking up the Linoone. "I’m going on a trip."

    “Linoone? Linooone.”

    Kent sighed. “Dad’s in jail again. They’re sending us back to the Jameson’s...or at least they’re trying to.

    “Linoone. Li?”

    “I’m not going,” Kent said, putting Scout down and rubbing the top of his head. “I’m going to become a pokemon trainer!”

    “Linoone? Linoone!” Scout said, baring his teeth.

    Kent smiled sadly. “C’mon, Scout. You know the rules. I can’t bring pre-owned Pokemon in, it’s unfair. If you really wanted to, they could de-level you, but is that what you want? You’d have to devolve.”

    “Linoooone.”

    “I’ll miss you buddy,” Kent said, doing his best to put on a cocky grin. “You just go and head over to the Jamesons’ K? I’ll drop by when I have the time.”

    XXXXXXXXXXXX

    An hour later, a very nervous Kent stepped through the front door of Cherrygrove town’s PLC.

    The place wasn’t exactly a bustle of activity, but was significantly more crowded than normal. It was filled mostly with returning trainers who had been too lazy to renew their license until the very last day, or old trainers who had long since retired, but insisted on being here to support the newest generation.

    Kent gulped slightly as he stepped up to the counter, noticing that everyone turned to look at him as he did so. The attendant behind the desk looked at him quizzically, but her expression quickly shifted to genuine amazement when she scanned his card, and was met with a small beep of approval.

    “Well well well. They just keep gettin’ younger, don’t they?” One of the men said, looking at Kent with pride. He stood and began clapping, and pretty soon everyone else was as well.

    Kent felt a little bit of guilt. He quickly squashed it.

    The attendant beamed at him and slid a small red pokedex across the counter towards him. Kent opened it, and inserted the card into the appropriate spot.

    Hello KENT!
    I Am The Pokedex Model 6.5! I Will Be Your Dictionary And Guide As You Adventure Into The World Of The Pokemon League!
    Would You Like To Submit A Password?
    >Yes
    No

    Kent quickly thumbed the cursor to no and hit the enter button. He did not want to have to deal with a password every time he whipped the damn thing out. The Pokedex ran through a brief tutorial, showing him how to record (and receive money for) official League matches, or even bet on ones he was currently viewing. It also taught him how to access the internet, cancel his trainer’s license in case it was ever stolen, and access the world map.

    “Pokedexes really have evolved since I was a child,” the attendant said, leading him into a back room. “Can you imagine? They used to only tell you what pokemon you were currently facing!”

    Kent grinned. “That’s like a phone that only calls people.”

    “I know!” The attendant said, laughing. “Isn’t it ridiculous?”

    She pressed her thumb to a small pad outside a door, which slid open with an eerie slowness. “This is always my favorite part,” she explained as they waited for it to open completely. “It’s so dramatic. And the look on a trainer’s face when they receive their first pokemon - priceless.” She led Kent down a short corridor, and when they rounded a corner, Kent saw...well, Kent definitely saw something.

    The room was completely empty except for a large computer screen on the far wall, with a wide array of controls and brightly colored buttons (ooh, buttons!) set out in front. Directly above the enormous keyboard was a small ledge with a circle shaped indent.

    “Uh....” Kent said, scratching the back of his neck.

    “This is where you’ll receive your Pokemon,” the attendant said.

    “Don’t I just pick from like, totodile, or chikorita, or cyndaquill?”

    “Well, it used to be like that,” the attendant admitted. “Before the Reform. But the League decided that gave some trainers an unfair advantage. So now, we just link up with the closest Professor...” She said, hitting a few buttons, “And we give you a random Pokemon. You ready?” She turned to him and pointed at a large green button. “Step right up and get your Pokemon!”

    Kent swallowed.

    He walked towards the button. With a deep breath, he pressed it.

    Beep.

    Beep.

    Beep.

    Beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep-

    A flash of white light came from the ceiling and began to coalesce on the small indent...

    Beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep-

    Biting his lip, Kent grabbed the Pokeball that had suddenly appeared before him.

    XXXXXXXXXXXX

    “C’mon kid, what is it?”

    “Yeah! Open it!”

    “Okay! Okay!” Kent said, nodding. He gave the pokeball one last look, and threw it high into the air. There was a white flash, and a Pokemon coalesced in front of him.

    “Bui!”

    A small brown Pokemon stood a few feet in front of Kent, its back turned to him. It was standing on its hind legs, but its build suggested it could drop down to four if it was necessary. There were small blue fins on its...arms, Kent supposed, and a yellow thing that reminded Kent of a floaty circled its neck.

    “It’s a Buizel!” Someone shouted.

    “No way!” Another one said. “I heard they only live in Sinnoh!”

    “Don’t be an idiot Robby,” a girl said. “They’re in all the regions now. You can thank the Pokemon Immigration Bill.”

    “Hey Buizel,” Kent said, raising his hand in an awkward hello. The otter pokemon dropped down to four legs and approached him cautiously. “Uh, well, I’m your trainer now...” Kent said, “So I guess I need to name you...”

    “Call it Hydro!”

    “No, Aqua!”

    “You know what? These people are unoriginal. I’m just gonna walk over here,” Kent said, scooping the Buizel up and walking around the other side of the PLC. Thankfully, nobody followed him.

    “So,” Kent said, sitting cross legged on the ground in front of his pokemon, “Uh, what’s up?”

    Buizel however, was not paying attention and was instead sniffing the air thoughtfully. He trotted around Kent and began nosing at the top of his pack.

    “What?” Kent asked. “What do you want?” He took the pack off his back and opened it. As soon as he did, Buizel practically dived in, forcing Kent to grab his hind legs. Kent supposed it would’ve been funny if Buizel didn’t face the real danger of falling in.

    “Sometimes, I hate hammer-space packs. But they’re so cool...”

    A few seconds later, Buizel emerged with a snickers bar.

    “Hey! That’s my snickers! Kent shouted, grabbing the candy bar from the small pokemon. Buizel narrowed its eyes and made a lunge, managing to get its paws around the snickers. “C’mon, let go! Mine! MIIIIINE!” Kent shouted, finally yanking the snickers away with a particularly forceful tug. Buizel pouted and turned its nose up, turning away in a very angry manner.

    “So you like snickers huh?” Kent asked, slowly chewing on his newly won prize. “Fine. I dub thee...SNICKERS!”

    “Bui.”

    Kent nodded and stood, dropping the last half of the snickers bar in Snickers’ lap. The Buizel looked up at him like he had just descended from the sky accompanied by an angelic chorus, and scarfed it down.

    “And we’re off!” Kent shouted eagerly, turning to the road out of town. “To journey beyond!”

    “Keeeeent, where do you think you’re going?” Came a voice from behind him. Kent looked back to see the attendant smiling at him warmly. “You can’t leave yet silly! You still need a companion!”

    “A what?” Kent asked, looking back at the PLC attendant as Snickers began attempting to crawl up his leg.

    “Well, kiddo, you’re underage. I know you thought you could sneak off, but you need another trainer to help you through the League.”

    Kent’s mouth fell open in disbelief. “But I took tests! I passed! I’m qualified to go out on my own!”

    “No, you’re qualified to be given a Pokemon and participate in the League,” the attendant corrected, walking up to him and ruffling his hair in the way adults thought was adorable. “But younger trainers travelling alone tend to attract attention from...some shadier people.”

    “Oh...” Kent said, nodding his head. “You mean people who want to...steal my pokemon?”

    “Oh they’ll steal a lot more than that,” the attendant said, leading Kent back inside.

    “Ewwww.”

    XXXXXXXXXXXX

    A half an hour and at least 6 shared snickers bars later, Kent had two companions. They had dashed into the PLC completely out of breath and babbling about a trainer with an absolutely enormous magikarp that absolutely would not leave them alone before registering, and seemed to be more than happy to let Kent tag along.

    “So you two are my companions,” Kent said as two older trainers followed him out of the PLC.

    “Uh huh,” the girl said, nodding enthusiastically. She was tall for a girl, with tan skin and dark black hair that was gathered into a loose ponytail. She wore a worn white baseball cap along with a dark blue jacket and blue jeans. “I’m Cecilia, call me Cece, and this is Seth. This is our second year participating in the League.”

    “So you’re Kent right?” Seth said in a friendly, easy tone. His brown hair was cropped short, and he had glasses that he was constantly adjusting. He wore a hooded brown sweatshirt with a ring on the front that reminded Kent of an Usuring.

    “Kent, yeah” Kent said. “Kent Nicholas. How old are you guys?”

    “I’m sixteen,” Cece said. “Seth is already seventeen. We’re both on our second years - last year we conquered Hoenn!”

    “If by ‘conquering’ you mean losing miserably in the first round of the tournament,” Seth said with a grin, “then yeah, we’re pretty much royalty over there.”

    Kent laughed. “So where first?”

    “Well, that’s really up to you,” Cece said. “Seth and I both have balanced teams, so it really doesn’t matter where we head first. But you only have a Buizel...”

    “Snickers,” Kent corrected absently, hand resting on the pokeball on his belt.

    “Right. Snickers. Anyway, he’s a water type, so you’ll want to go up against Victor in Olivine first. He’s ground type, so Snickers will have the advantage.”

    “I heard Olivine is awesome,” Kent said. “I’ve never been anywhere bigger than Cherrygrove.”

    “It’s great,” Cece said eagerly. “I remember when I went there on vacation. We even got to see Victor fight. He was a lot of fun.”

    “Alright,” Seth said, striking a heroic pose and pointing off into the distance. “To Olivine!”

    Kent pumped his fist in the air. “Let’s get this show on the road!”

    PM List
    Chimpchar
    Missingno. Master
    GhastlyMan​
     
    Last edited: Aug 8, 2011
  2. Karpi

    Karpi Forever a pirate

    Okay this is actually pretty interesting... I wonder if Jason will come back later though...

    And I'm going to go out on a limb here and say Kent has to retrieve Linoone later on so people don't... well... kill him...

    EDIT: Never mind he's traveling with some people lol... Which could be equally interesting when they get tired of "the younger kid"

    The only criticism I have is your lack of much description. But then again you had to get a lot accomplished in this first chapter, so maybe it's too early to blow the whistle on that one...

    Don't give up!

    EDIT2: Oh yeah, and it's completely NOT OKAY to make fun of Magikarps, like in that registration scene you have! (see my name) jk
     
  3. Breezy

    Breezy Well-Known Member

    Lol, I remember this fic. I did like the premise, so hopefully I'll be able to stay on top of it this time. x_X

    From the get-go, I can tell this version is a lot cleaner than your original. I did catch some things when I did skim through it, but they didn't deter nor glare out at me. So yay.

    I like your beginning. I like how it starts out normal, almost cliche in ways, with some happy-go-lucky older kid excited to start his journey who is stable (almost too stable, whatever that means), and everything is so bright and cheery only to have it shot down (literally) in a matter of seconds. It's a very nice setup; it really does lull your reader into a false sense of security.

    I also like how you handle Kent. Yes, he is a down-on-your-luck kid with his dad going to jail and him spending most of his life in a foster home, but you don't make it entirely depressing. Sure, he's deflated in some senses since his dad is going back to jail, but he's not wallowing in self pity either. Plus he's a pretty street-smart, crafty sort of kid who knows how to get by, albeit barely, as seen in the following scenes.

    I feel so deja-vu right now, but I always liked your narrative, too. I like how you blend Kent's thoughts with the narrative without it being so blunt. I especially like that "calm. Calm" line

    Is the line in bold supposed to be dialogue? Because it can work as thought narrative, but it sounds like it would be something he would say out loud to Linoone.

    Bit of a mix up in the bold. "I can't bring pre-owned pokemon in."

    It works as "guilt" but I feel "guilty" sounds better. Might be just me.

    I like this PLC setting. It reminds me of the DMV, lol.

    Cursor. "Curser" is a person who curses, probably.

    This dialogue is amusing. =P I also like the new features you added to the dex, along with how you handled the digital money aspect of the games.

    You know, I don't mind that you somewhat information dumped here considering you did use Kent's voice to explain what a buizel looks like. And it does make sense that he would take the time to look and try to figure out what the heck his pokemon is and what those weird yellow things are.

    I really am digging your new editions to your world. You don't make a huge deal out of the new changes like some stories do; instead you make them really natural, like they have been implemented for years (which they probably have been). It's kind of weird that little to no explanation is more believable than the explanations that ramble on for paragraphs, explaining why something is changed from the canon (aka lampshading). Either way, I really love all these new things, like the PLC, and this Immigration Bill (even though I don't think it's a big deal other than more pokemon appearing in other places). Even the older age thing where trainers are usually eighteen or so before getting their first pokemon (which usually freaks out readers btw) was nicely handled because you didn't make such a big deal out of it.

    Aaaaand rambling now. I'll stop. tl;dr: I love how you handle the new concepts in your story that differ from the anime/games.

    Bahaha, love this.

    I remember this! T'was a cute scene and still is.

    Oh, and "it's" should be "its." It's = it is.

    Magikarp.

    This is a little weird. Cece introduces Seth, but Seth introduces himself again?

    Anyway, I enjoyed this like last time. Definitely a lot cleaner like I said. A bit too early for me to judge Seth and Cece since we literally just finished their introductions, but they seem like good kids. I wonder how their relationship with Kent is going to change. Likewise, I'm wondering when Kent's lies and past will catch up to him. I will be back to read on (hopefully).
     
  4. Gallyrat

    Gallyrat Active Member

    Yeah I don't think Jason is going to be making another appearance in this story...unless Kent and the gang take a trip upstairs. And believe me, I would never insult magikarp.

    The lack of description is something I've noticed and am working on, thanks for bringing that up. And thanks for the review, please stay tuned!

    Wow, that was a long review. Awesome. Thanks for all the corrections. I've gone back and edited them out - hopefully the next chapter won't have quite so many. I'm glad you like the changes, and the way I've introduced them in the story. It's great to know someone likes it so much. So thanks for the review and hope you keep reading!
     
  5. Gallyrat

    Gallyrat Active Member

    And chapter two is now complete. Enjoy!

    Thunder

    From the log of Cherrygrove Police station, 9:20 am

    “This is 911 Cherrygrove police. What’s the emergency?”

    “Police? This is Dana Jameson. I’d like to report a missing child.”

    “”What was that ma’am? Please calm down, it’s difficult to understand you when you’re in this state.”

    “I said I need to report a missing child! His name is Kent, he’s only twelve-”

    “Ma’am, can you please give me his last name? And explain how he’s missing?”

    “His name is Kent. Kent Michaels. He’s a young boy who’s often under my care - he’s a foster child, his father is a drunkard and a multiple offense felon and his mother is dead. He was supposed to come to my home in New Bark town yesterday, but he never showed up. His pokemon, a Linoone named Scout, showed up at my house but Kent wasn’t there. Please sir, I’m afraid he’s been kidnapped or something horrible!”

    “Don’t worry ma’am, I’m filing orders for an investigation as we speak. I’m going to hang up and then call you right back, understand?”

    “Yes. Yes, of course. Please find him. He’s like a son to me.”



    “Are we almost there?” Kent asked. The road stretched on in front of him for as far as he could see, and considering it was a clear day and the area was relatively flat, that was a pretty long way. Kent watched a tailow circle idly high above them, but didn’t make any move to battle it. Seth and Cece had quickly explained to him that if they stopped to battle every wild pokemon they came across they’d never get anywhere.

    Cece rolled her eyes, kicking Kent lightly in the shin. “Kent, we literally just started. We’re walking to Olivine. It’s going to be a while.”

    Kent sighed. They had been walking for a few hours now, moving at a speed Kent considered to be a slow crawl. Both Seth and Cece insisted that this was the ideal speed - just fast enough to make progress, but not fast enough to wear you out. They had a rhythm to their walk, using as little energy as possible. Kent on the other hand, blew through energy like some kind of guided missile. But he had a lot more to spare.

    “So I-”

    Cece cut him off. “How about this. Instead of you continuing meaningless small talk, I drill you on battle techniques.”

    “Uh, ok,” Kent said, suddenly excited at the thought of ‘talking strategy’ “Yeah! Just try me. I’ve been watching the League on TV for years!”

    “Alright,” Cece said, grinning. She adjusted her cap, kicking a loose pebble as she did so. Kent watched as it tumbled down a hill and into an open field, where a lone rattata inspected it before scurrying off to do whatever it was rattatas did. “How do you win in an official league match?”

    “By forcing a trainer to surrender, knocking out all his pokemon, or knocking the trainer himself unconscious,” Kent said in a bored tone. This was basic stuff - he knew it already. The rules were explained before every match they aired on television, and he had been watching those for years.

    “Alright, good. Suppose Victor has one of his pokemon go underground during your fight. What do you do?” Cece asked.

    “I have Snickers attack him directly,” Kent said. “Take him out before his pokemon resurfaces.”

    “But then you leave yourself wide open to attack,” Cece said. “What if his pokemon is faster than Snickers?”

    Kent shrugged. “We’ll work on speed. The best defense is a good offense.”

    “Never deal in absolutes,” Seth cut in, shaking his head. “You’ll never win battles that way. Never bet your entire strategy on one move, or else you’ll lose.”

    Kent frowned. “But-”

    Seth held up a hand. “I know, you’ve seen it happen sometimes. And that’s because it’s spectacular when they do succeed, and you notice. But whenever you see a trainer lose, you can bet it’s because they relied too heavily on a single attack.”

    “Yeah but if you have a really good idea...” Kent said, trying his best to put his argument into words.

    “Really good ideas are really just a series of pretty good ideas,” Seth said. “Good strategies rely on planning, training, and set up. And you should always have a back up plan. Preferably more than one.”

    “And never be afraid to cheat right?” Cece said, elbowing Seth good naturedly. “Remember Roxxane’s gym?”

    Kent perked up, sensing a story. “Wait, what happened at Roxxane’s?” He asked. “You cheated?”

    “What I did technically wasn’t against the rules at the time,” Seth said, rubbing the back of his neck. “So really the League really had no authority to do what they did...”

    “Oh please,” Cece said, holding her hand and beginning to count off on her fingers. “Breaking and entering, destruction of property, desecration of at least one historic landmark...”

    “What did you do?!” Kent asked with newfound respect. “And how are you still a League trainer?”

    “Roxxane vouched for me,” Seth said. “Something about my ingenuity. I got off with a couple hundred in fines and got put on probation for the rest of the year.” He grinned. “My parents weren’t too happy about it, but it’s not like they were going to pull me mid tournament.”

    Kent shook his head. Travelling with these people was going to be more interesting than he had expected.

    XXXXXXXXXXXX

    A few hours later, they had still refused to tell him. And on top of that, it was raining.

    Kent practically flew across the path, breathing heavily. Cece and Seth followed not far behind, working hard to keep up with the younger, more energetic trainer. But Kent was slowing. Getting tired. They had to find shelter soon, before this storm got any worse...

    KRA-KOOM!

    A bolt of lightning struck a tree not twenty feet away from him, and the subsequent thunder nearly threw Kent off his feet. As it was, he stumbled, hitting his knee against the dirt path and diving face first into a puddle of mud.

    “Ow.”

    “Kent, are you ok? God, please be ok, please be ok...” Cece shouted, running up to Kent and turning him over. He got a glimpse of her worried face through the mud, until a raindrop hit him in the eye and he flinched.

    “I’m fine, dammit. I just swallowed some mud. Give me a second.”

    “We might not have a second,” Seth said quickly, yanking Kent to his feet. “I see a house up ahead. That will give us a little shelter.”

    “What if nobody’s home?” Keith asked, gritting his teeth as he tested out his leg.. His knee was throbbing, and every time he tried to put weight on it it felt like it was going to collapse. He was sure he was fine - but right now his knee hurt and he was wet and cold and tired and scared.

    “Then we’ll just sit on the porch. At least it will be dry,” Seth said, jogging ahead of them. With a lot of help from Cece, Kent managed to make it up to the porch. Seth was already there, looking at a plaque and smiling. “We got really lucky,” He said, pointing towards the plaque. “Foreclosure. The League turned it into a rest house until somebody picks it up.”

    Cece pumped her fist, and pushed open the door. It swung open with a single creak, and Kent was surprised to see that the house was actually in decent repair. There was no furniture or light, but it was clean, and a welcome relief from standing around in the rain. He lowered himself to the floor and looked around. “What is this place?”

    Cece spoke up from where she was wringing her hair out over the sink. The kitchen was visible from the room where Kent was sitting, and she was soaking wet, not to mention muddy. “It’s a rest house,” she said. “When people can’t afford to pay for their house, the government takes it back. If it’s located on trails that trainers walk a lot, they lend it to the League to be used as a rest home for trainers. There’s no furniture, electricity, or even running water, but it’s a good place to sleep.”

    “There are some cots upstairs,” Seth said, poking his head out from around the corner of the stairway. “Somebody must’ve left them here for anyone coming by.”

    “Oh, somebody did,” came a new voice from behind Kent.

    Kent turned around. There was a creepy man standing in the doorway to what Kent presumed to be the bathroom, a huge smile on his face. He was unshaven, gaunt, and most of all, incredibly bad smelling.

    “Hello?” Kent asked. “I thought there was no running water. How come you’re in the bathroom?”

    “Kent...” Seth said from where he was frozen on the stairs. “Kent, get outside. Right now.”

    “But-”

    “Get outside!” Seth snapped, his eyes wild. “Right now!”

    Kent stared at the older boy. “I...what’s going on...”

    He grunted as Cece grabbed his arm from behind and roughly hauled him to his feet., sending a spike of pain up his leg. “Kent, we need to get out-”

    “Nuh-uh-uh...” The man said, still smiling. His teeth were yellow, some of them falling out. “Nobody’s going anywhere...especially not the pretty girly.”

    Kent’s eyes widened.

    You mean people who want to steal my pokemon?

    Oh, they’ll steal a lot more than that...

    “Kent, move...” Cece whispered, trying to shove him towards the front door.

    “What did I say?!” The man snarled, reaching into one of his coat’s pockets. “Nobody. Is going. Anywhere.” He pulled a gun, an old style, six shot revolver, out of his pocket and trained it on Kent.

    Kent felt something warm trickle down his leg. “Ar-Aren’t you supposed t-to use p-p-pokemon or something?”

    The man pulled the hammer back with his thumb. “Grow up kid. Pokemon are for trainers. Now throw your packs over towards me and get out,” he said, eyes narrowing. “Leave the pretty girly.”

    Behind him, Kent felt Cece shiver. Seth was still frozen on the stairs, his face white.

    “Three...two...one...” The man’s finger tightened on the trigger.

    Something big burst through the wall behind the man and knocked him across the room. His gun went off, flying harmlessly into the ceiling, and Kent let out a shout as he fell backwards onto Cece.

    A fully grown Tyranitar, nearly seven feet tall, slammed the man against a wall, pinning him by the throat. Two figures walked through the new hole in the doorway, soaking wet and looking incredibly smug.

    One of them was a guy, much older and taller than Kent. He was about six feet, with dark hair that had been pressed against his face due to the rain and obscured his eyes. Kent wondered idly how he was able to see. He wore a dark jacket and sweat pants, and held an ultra ball in his hand. He was smirking, and Kent had the sudden desire to beat his face in, despite the fact his life had just been saved.

    The second one was a girl, noticeably shorter and younger than the boy. She wore a light green shirt that clung tightly to her frame, and jeans a few sizes too small. Long blonde hair hung from under a large floppy sunhat, and a Ralts gripped the back of her leg, peeking out shyly from behind it’s master.

    “I suppose that would be zero,” the guy said, walking up next to the Tyranitar. “I’m Noah.”

    “Now that,” Seth said, still staring, "is an entrance.”

    “I took classes,” Noah said, brushing his hair out his eyes and looking back at Seth. “Sorry we took so long. It wasn’t just so I could look awesome.”

    “I suppose that would be zero...” the girl muttered, looking off into space. “I’m so going to use that...”

    “How did you know we were in trouble?” Seth asked, walking over towards Kent and Cece and helping them up. “I didn’t think anyone would be able to hear us over the storm.”

    “Jasmine. She’s Faith’s Ralts,” Noah said, waving his hand in the girls direction. Faith refuses to put her in a pokeball, even during a thunderstorm. Good thing, I guess. It was able to sense this guy here and warn us. Rots here did the rest,” he said, pointing at the giant tyranitar.

    “Uh, excuse me for butting in,” Kent said over a clap of thunder, “but who the hell is that guy?”

    “He’s a sitter,” Noah said, turning towards Kent. “Less...savory people will hang out in Rest Homes and wait for trainers to come by. They’ll rob them, or kill them, the like.”

    “Well what do they do about it?” Kent protested. “How many people die?”

    Noah shrugged. “Not too many. And the League has cameras, but after you’ve sat at a couple houses you get a feel for how to avoid them. The League caught this guy here on camera a few hours ago and sent me to investigate.”

    “Why you?” Kent asked. “The League makes trainers do stuff like this?”

    Noah shook his head. “I’m not a trainer.”

    “He’s a gym leader in training,” Faith cut in, now holding her ralts in her arms. She sniffed the air idly. “Does anyone else smell pee?”

    “No,” Kent said quickly. “What do gym leaders in training do exactly?”

    “We prove we’re ready for the responsibility of a gym,” Noah said. “Usually by travelling around and helping out trainers, or doing odd jobs for the League. Sometimes we sub for actual leaders if they’re sick.”

    “Well, it’s a good thing you were here,” Cece said, rubbing her shoulders. “Can we go upstairs? It’s really cold down here now.”

    “Huh? Oh, yeah...I guess I did kinda knock down a wall...” Noah said, frowning. “Whatever. The League will pay for it. I saved three kids this time, so they won’t be too mad. You guys go on up. I’ll deal with this guy.”

    Kent nodded, and began walking up the stairs, flanked by Seth, Cece, and Faith. They were all pretty wet by now, but Kent was just happy to be...alive.

    It scared him, to think about it. If the man had pulled that trigger just a second sooner...or Noah and Faith hadn’t come to save them....

    I never thought it would be like this, Kent admitted to himself. Finding killers and rapists on abandon homes in the middle of a thunderstorm. I thought it would be...I dunno. More fun.

    “So are you guys ok? He didn’t hurt you or anything right?” Faith asked when they reached the top of the stairs.

    “No...no, he didn’t,” Cece said, sitting down against a wall. “It was just...stressful.”

    “I can imagine,” Faith said, sitting down next to her. “I’m sure it would’ve happened to me by now, if it weren’t for Noah.”

    “Right. Noah. So are you and him....” Cece asked, evidently looking for a return to a normal conversation.

    Faith giggled. “Me and Noah? He’s sweet, but he’s a bit old for me. Dont’cha think?”

    Cece smiled slightly. “Maybe. What’s the deal with you two then?”

    “We met a few months ago,” Faith admitted. “I’m technically a trainer in the League...but that’s really only a cover.”

    Seth arched an eyebrow. “What, are you a spy or something?”

    “No, don’t be silly,” Faith said, laughing. “Nothing so exciting. I’m an author. Or at least, I want to be. I started training to get an insiders look at the League, and started travelling with Noah because he seems to attract adventure.”

    “It isn’t every day you rescue a group of trainers with a Tyranitar,” Seth admitted, smiling. While they were talking, Kent took out Snicker’s pokeball and turned it over in his hands. After a moment of debate, he opened the ball, and Snickers emerged with a burst of light.

    “Bui?”

    “Sup Snickers?” Kent said, digging another Snickers bar out of his pack. He unwrapped it and broke it in two, offering one half to the pokemon. Snickers happily took the candy bar and began eating it.

    “Oh, that is too cute!” Faith said, looking at Snickers. “A Buizel! Where’d you get it?”

    “It’s my starter,” Kent said, looking up.

    Faith paused, looking at him curiously. “Is...is he serious?”

    Seth and Cece both nodded.

    “You’re a trainer?” Faith asked in disbelief. “I thought you were her little brother or something!”

    “Are you kidding? We don’t look anything alike,” Kent said. “We’ve got different hair colors and eye colors and everything.”

    “Well, her eyes looked brown downstairs,” Faith said. “And just because you have different colored hair doesn’t mean you’re not siblings. I mean-”

    She was interrupted by Noah coming up the stairs. “The sitter’s taken care of,” he said nonchalantly, slumping down to the floor, “and I’m exhausted. We can catch up in the morning.”

    Seth nodded. “We’re-”

    “In. The. Morning.”
     
  6. Breezy

    Breezy Well-Known Member

    Given I only read the first chapter of your original version of this story, I really had no idea how you described. That being said, I do like how you handle description; you use the world around your characters and have them interact with it instead of just, for the most part, random and bluntly stating it.

    I really like the slightly idle chatter between your characters; the conversation on battle tactics was nice to read, and I like how smoothly it transitioned to the story about Roxanne. You can definitely tell that Kent is a lot younger than Cece and Seth, not just by his questions but by the way he acts (running ahead and generally having a lot more energy than the older, experienced Seth and Cece. It's nice that you didn't try to “age up” Kent's personality just to match theirs; likewise, it's also nice that Seth and Cece do appear as experienced trainers who can dole out advice to Kent.

    Eeesh. D: Creepy (even before reading the man's next bit of dialogue).

    I'm either dense tonight or that was pretty subtle. I do like this quote, though; you do have to wonder why people don't use guns or other means of violence in the pokemon world (for the most part).

    For some reason I replaced Noah's quote with another quote: “I'm sorry. I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.” Either way, yeah, exciting entrance for sure.

    So I really like where you're taking this fic. It is a lot darker/shadier and answers questions about certain aspects of real life not being present in the pokemon world. It does make a whole lot of sense that shady people would wait in rest homes and try to rob (and do more) passing trainers. I think Kent summed it up nicely:

    You handled that scene very nicely; the tyranitar breaking through the wall was a little over-the-top (though even Noah admitted to that =P) but for the most part, it was rather realistic instead of melodramatic. You definitely got the creepy vibe from the man. I also liked how naïve Kent was during the first part of that scene and how quick Seth and Cece were to realize that something was very, very wrong with this place.

    I also love your character interactions and how they speak for the most part, picking up on certain words in a conversation and starting a new conversation with that in mind (again, the Roxanne story comes to mind). I also like how Cece tried to awkwardly change the subject from what had happened to something lighter. I assume Seth and Cece are friends with Noah and Faith?

    Either way, I enjoyed this chapter lots, if that's not strange to say.
     
  7. GastlyMan

    GastlyMan Ghost Type Trainer

    Glad to see that you're rewriting it! You've done a great job so far.
    Just for future reference...it's spelled "Ursaring."
    Good line. :D However, correct the emboldened phrase to "in abandoned."

    This was cool! It should be interesting to see if Kent's dishonest entry into the League will come back to haunt him!
     
  8. Gallyrat

    Gallyrat Active Member

    Thanks so much for all the reviews!


    So it's been like two months, but between some family stuff and school (not to mention a string of power outages) I've been unable to update. I've made up for it a little by combining two chapters into one, hopefully that makes it a little better.

    So, Chapter 3: Rivals

    From the Diary of Katy Jameson

    Mom’s in her room crying again. There’s no news about Kent, she’s really taking it hard. David tried to tell her it’s not her fault but she seems to think he ran away because he hates her.

    I just hope Kent’s alright.The other night Danielle told me these stories about old ghost pokemon that haunt the Road between New Bark and Cherrygrove. They wait till night and snatch little boys and girls. It’s completely ridiculous, but still...he’s always been a little adventurous, but never anything like this before. Hopefully he hasn’t done anything downright stupid. If he really did run away I’ll kill him.


    Kent blinked, his eyes watering and instinctively turning away from the bright ray of light shining in from the window. He groaned slightly, shading his eyes with his hand and yawning.

    Sitting up, he suddenly remembered where he was. The second floor of the Rest Home was clean, though devoid of furniture just like the first. They seemed to be in some kind of bedroom, as Kent could see one door leading into a bathroom and another into a small closet.

    Seth was already up, an earphone in one ear. His short brown hair was disheveled, and there was a small crack in the corner of his glasses, but otherwise he seemed okay. He motioned for Kent to sit down next to him, and Kent stood, stretching he arms and legs before slumping onto the floor.

    Seth offered him the other earphone, and Kent took it, noticing that it was connected to his Pokedex. Seth had a small virtual map up, and Kent could see a small blinking red dot that he assumed was their location.

    “Olivine is still a few days away,” Seth whispered, highlighting a section of the map by the seaside, “but at our current pace we should make it there without much difficulty.” He glanced around to make sure everyone was asleep, and tapped the screen twice. The map was replaced by a picture of Noah, along with a lot of little words Kent wasn’t going to bother to read. “I checked out Noah and Faith,” Seth said quietly, handing the Pokedex to Kent. Kent scrolled down a bit, checking to see all the badges he had won. It was impressive.

    “Paranoid much?” Kent asked, scrolling through the Kanto and Johto badges only to find the Hoenn and Sinnoh ones. Not only that, he had several high finishes in the various region Leagues.

    “We just got attacked by a Sitter. You should be paranoid too,” Seth shot back. “But they seem okay. Faith is in there too, but she only has one badge. As far as I can tell they’re who they say they are.”

    Kent tapped the screen a few times, bringing up a small clock. “It’s about eleven. Should we wake everyone up?”

    Seth shrugged. “Why not? I’m kind of ready to get moving.”

    Kent stood, wincing as he finally noticed his sore muscles. “Ow.” Apparently he couldn’t actually walk several miles without any consequence. Wonderful.

    Seth stood also, casually stretching out his neck before walking over to Cece and giving her a light kick in the ribs. She moaned and turned over on her side, and he shook his head before grabbing the bottom of her sleeping bag and giving it a good yank.

    “Uhg...dammit Seth, let a girl sleep in...” Cece muttered, trying in vain to pull the sleeping bag back over her head. Seth just kept tugging, and eventually she sat up, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

    “Uh...Dude? Noah?” Kent asked, bending down in front of the older trainer. When he got no response, he poked Noah once on the top of the head.

    Noah opened his eyes, leveling a small stare at Kent. “What time is it?” He asked, his voice very soft. “I swear to God, if it’s even a minute before eleven, I’m going to murder somebody.”

    “It’s...11:01?” Kent said, shooting a look at Seth. He grinned, shaking his head and holding up two fingers. “10:59...”

    “Oh! You guys are up!”

    Kent scooted away from Noah, who was momentarily distracted by Faith’s voice coming from the stairwell. Kent was surprised to see her up and dressed, now wearing a slightly...racy (Kent couldn’t think of a better word) sundress with her ralts sitting on her shoulder

    “You’re up?” Kent asked, glancing over towards where she had gone to sleep. Sure enough, her sleeping bag was rolled up and her bag was packed.

    “I always get up early. The sunrise is so inspiring, don’t you agree?” She asked happily, taking her ralts in her arms. “I always get my best writing done then.”

    “The sun rises?” Cece asked sarcastically, rooting around in her hammer-space pack. “I thought it just appeared in the middle of the sky.” She finally pulled a cheap plastic brush out of her pack and began trying to tame her hair.

    “What’s a sun?” Noah asked, shaking his head vigorously and standing up. He was still fully dressed, shoes and everything, and after running his hand through his hair a few times seemed ready to go.

    “Seth, your glasses are cracked...” Cece said, reaching out and touching the cracked glass lightly. “Did you lose your back up pair?”

    “I don’t like my back up pair. They make my eyes itch,” Seth said, pulling back defensively. “I can see just fine.”

    “Whatever,” Cece said, shrugging. She pulled on her white baseball cap, rolling up her sleeping bag as she did so. “Just trying to help.”

    Kent turned to his own sleeping back, scrunching up into a roughly ball like shape before stuffing it into his hammer-space pack. He hadn’t changed from yesterday, but he didn’t really care all that much, as his clothes had dried since them and were only a little muddy. “Are we going now?”

    “I have to shave,” Noah said, rubbing his mostly bare chin with his palm. “Gimme a sec.”

    XXXXXXXXXXXX

    “Good lord, that took forever,” Keith moaned as Noah finally joined them outside. It was a bright, sunny day, and they had been waiting for the older boy for at least ten minutes. “You didn’t even have all that much hair on your face!”

    “You try shaving with a starmie’s water gun as your only source of water. It isn’t exactly easy,” Noah said, tossing Cece a red and white pokeball. “Thanks for letting me borrow him.”

    “Least I could do,” Cece said, grinning. “Let’s get this show on the road, shall we?”

    “I’m glad you guys are going to Olivine too,” Faith said as they started walking. “Noah’s good enough company, but he can be a little moody.”

    “Why are you guys going to Olivine?” Keith asked. “Bit of a coincidence, that we’re both going to the same place?”

    “Not as much as you’d think,” Seth said. “This road is the quickest way to Olivine from pretty much anywhere in the Southern section of Johto. And I hear there’s some big conference being called there in a week or two.”

    “It’s just a lot of scientists that are too smug for their own good getting together and talking about how great they are,” Noah said, rolling his eyes. “The only reason I’m going is because the Leaders Training Program needed a representative and I’m the youngest.” He scoffed. “Rookies always get the worst jobs.”

    Seth responded, but Kent had tuned him out about halfway through his second sentence. Seth was cool and all, but he talked about really boring stuff sometimes.

    “So Kent,” Faith said, walking up beside him. “What do you think about the League so far?”

    Kent looked up at the blond girl, who was smiling sincerely down at him. “Uh, it’s alright I guess. I mean it’s only my second day, so I don’t really know what it’s like yet.”

    “You got attacked by a sitter on your first day? Bummer,” Faith said, her smile shifting quickly into a pout.

    Kent narrowed his eyes. “Bummer? What, am I five? That can’t be how you actually talk.”

    Faith looked at him for a moment, her expression unreadable. Then she threw back her head and laughed. “Oh thank God,” she said between gasps. “I was afraid I was going to have to talk like that every time you were in earshot.”

    Kent’s eyebrows shot up into his bangs. “What?”

    “My mom always taught me to be really guarded around kids, like what you say and stuff. I mean, I love her, but she’s kind of a ***** right? You know moms.”

    Kent shrugged. “Not really. Mine died when I was really little.”

    “Oh my God!” Faith said, stopping dead in her tracks and wrapping Kent in a hug. “I am so sorry! I didn’t want to make you sad.”

    “Don’t worry about it,” Keith said, his arms hanging awkwardly by his sides. “It’s not like I ever knew her, so why would I be sad that she’s dead? She was a stranger.” He shrugged. “So not really something you need to apologize for.”

    “That’s an...interesting perspective. You’re not curious about her at all?” Faith asked, standing up and increasing her pace to keep up with the rest of the group.

    “Nah. I mean like, if she was still alive then yeah, I guess. But she’s not, so there’s no use angsting about it, you know what I mean? I don’t want to be one of those people who’s constantly complaining about how much their life sucks.”

    Faith smiled. “That’s pretty mature, kid. I can see why you were approved.”

    Kent smiled weakly. “Yeah...”

    “So which test was your least favorite?” Faith said. “I mean like, to get accepted? I hated the physical test. All that running...and carrying all that stuff too. We all get hammer-space packs, so I don’t see why we need to carry stuff...it’s not like it’s got any weight when it’s in there.”

    Kent nodded, looking out over a field they were passing. “Uh...yeah. The physical test. That like, sucked.”

    “I know! But surely they didn’t make you carry the same amount we had to right? I mean you’re so small!” She giggled. “Sorry. But it’s true.”

    “I am not small!” Kent said, eager for a chance to turn the conversation away from his “testing”. “I’m a little below average.”

    “Otherwise known as small.”

    “Small and below average are completely different. Just ask...what the hell is that?” Kent stopped dead in his tracks, pointing to a rising cloud of dust coming over the hill in the distance. After a moment, he realized it wasn’t rising as much as it was getting closer - something was heading towards them, and fast.

    “Not a Jenny,” Noah said, gripping Kent firmly by the shoulders and steering him to the edge of the road. “Their cycles don’t kick up that much dust. It must be some kind of pokemon.”

    Kent watched in awe as the thing covered what must’ve been a mile in only about a half-minute. As it came closer to them the dust cloud began to shrink and move slower, finally skidding to a halt a few dozen feet in front of them.

    Kent instantly recognized it as a Rapidash, but still pulled out his pokedex. It gave him a small thrill every time he pulled it out, a real and tangible reminder that he was a League trainer.

    Rapidash.
    The Flaming Horse Pokemon.
    At full gallop, it can achieve speeds of 150 miles per hour, and it’s mane begins to spark violently.


    “It wasn’t even going at full speed,” Kent said, looking at the horse pokemon in awe. “I want one.”

    “Maybe later Kent,” Cece said, walking in front of him to get a better view. “Look, the trainer’s getting off.”

    Kent peered around Cece’s legs to see a girl not much older than himself slide off the Rapidash, followed by a large bald man . She kissed the pokemon on the nose and turned to the bald man, who recalled it into a pokeball. The girl turned and walked closer to them, stopping just a few feet away from Kent’s group

    “My name is Diana Giotto,” She said, smiling and running her hand through her dark hair and blushing. “I’m a new trainer. I don’t suppose any of you would like to battle?”

    Seth arched an eyebrow, while Faith fought off giggles. From their reactions, Kent guessed that this wasn’t how challenges were usually made - or maybe it was just the fact that the girl looked so ridiculous. Her hair was tangled and filled with dust from the ride on the Rapidash, and her makeup had been completely ruined. Her eyes were red and there were tear marks running from their corners to her temples, and Kent had to guess that she had been going at that speed for a while, without any kind of protection. Not exactly the smartest move.

    She blushed and shrunk back at the older trainer’s reactions, but Kent stepped forward, his pokedex humming. “I’m game," he said, walking over to Diana. She was only a little taller than Kent, and looked only about thirteen - and very out of place in the middle of a dusty road. Looking her up and down, Kent noted that while a mess, her clothes were very expensive looking, and she wore a diamond necklace that looked authentic to his eye. (Not that that was saying much)

    Diana paused for a moment, studying Kent carefully. “Aren’t you a little young to be a pokemon trainer?”

    “Look who’s talking,” Kent shot back, grabbing Snicker’s pokeball from where it hung around his waist. It expanded in his had, and he tossed it up and down, waiting for her response.

    Diana narrowed her eyes. “I didn’t expect to meet another underaged trainer so soon. Where did you test?”

    Kent swallowed. “Goldenrod. Why? Where did you test?”

    “I tested at Goldenrod too...” Diana said, looking back towards the bald man behind her. “Anton, do you remember him?”

    “Afraid not,” Anton replied, his voice heavy with an accent Kent couldn’t quite place - he knew it came from the northern regions of Unova, but the exact name escaped him. “But we weren’t exactly there 24/7 Ms. Diana. It’s possible we missed him.

    “Hn,” Diana grunted, obviously unsatisfied with Anton’s response. “Fine. You’ll do.”

    “I’ll do?” Kent asked, arching an eyebrow. “Oh screw you Princess. You’re going down.”

    Diana smirked. “I doubt it.”

    She removed a pokeball from her belt, spinning it between her hands before throwing it high into the air. There was a flash of light, and a Murkrow was suddenly flapping it’s wings overhead, flying in tight circles above it’s trainer.

    Kent flipped open his pokedex, and Diana rolled her eyes.

    Murkrow
    The Darkness Pokemon
    Murkrow Confuse Would-Be Attackers By Luring Them Into Dark Mountain Trails, Where They Are Sure To Get Lost.

    “Sounds like a bit of an *******,” Kent said, smirking. “I guess you two match.”

    “Murkrow!” The bird called, landing on Diana's shoulder.

    “Shut it,” Kent muttered, bouncing Snicker’s pokeball in his palm again. He let it fall to the ground, where it returned to his hand almost magnetically after opening.

    Diana’s eyes noticeably softened when it saw Snickers, but she said nothing, instead opening her pokedex and fiddling with the controls. Behind her, Anton did the same, and Kent noticed that Noah, Faith, Seth and Cece were whispering among themselves, tapping at their own pokedex.

    His own pokedex beeped, a small light in the corner flashing green.

    You Have Been Challenged to a CASUAL BATTLE By
    DIANA Bottimarti
    (Trainer Grade 0)
    Accept
    >Decline

    Kent hit accept, his finger twitching with a sudden fit of nervousness. He clicked on the rules for a casual battle, which was basically a 1-3 pokemon battle with no direct attacks against the trainer.


    DIANA BOTTIMARTI
    (Trainer Grade 0)
    Requests A Bet Of P$50
    Accept
    >Decline

    Again, Kent hit accept. He had plenty of money, and there was no way this girl was going to beat him anyway.

    “I guess it’s all settled then,” Diana said, smiling. She kept her pokedex open - as did Kent, though he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do with it. After a moment of debate, he pulled up Snicker’s stats, including a list of the moves Snickers knew. Kent tried to bring up Diana’s Murkrow’s (who, according to his pokedex, was called Jazz) move set, but it appeared blank - apparently it was exclusive to the trainer’s pokedex.

    “This is a one pokemon battle. I’ll start this off,” Diana said. “Jazz, use peck!”

    Jazz dive bombed Snickers, his beak glowing with focused mental energy. Kent waited until the last second to give his own command.

    “Snickers! Roll left! Counter with Sonic Boom!”

    Snickers rolled to the left, but Kent’s wait had cost him, allowing Jazz’s peck to clip him on the shoulder. Snickers cried out, but responded with a sonic boom - at such close range, the was no way Jazz could dodge the attack. He flew backwards, but recovered in mid air and retreated to a safe height.

    “Don’t let up,” Kent muttered. “Keep up the sonic boom. Don’t let it catch it’s breath.”

    “Buizel! Buizel! Bui!” Snickers shouted, whipping it’s tail through the air.

    “Jazz, dodge! Get out of it’s range!” Diana shouted, obviously agitated at her pokemon’s disadvantage. Now with room to react, Jazz was able to get to the edge of Snicker’s attack range without injury.

    “Are you ready Jazz? Use pursuit!”

    “Sonic boom Snickers! Don’t let it get close to you! Force it to use long range attacks!” Kent shouted. Behind him, Seth and Noah exploded into muttering. Kent couldn’t spare the time to look back, but they seemed to be debating something.

    “Murkrow!” Jazz shouted, it’s entire body covered with black energy. He shot forward, dodging around Snickers’ Sonic Booms, and collided with a flash before speeding away.

    “Now turn around and use peck!” Diana shouted, sensing an opportunity.

    Kent grit his teeth. “Quick attack!” He shouted, glancing down at his pokedex. Snickers shot forward, vanishing for a moment before slamming into Jazz full force. Jazz let screeched with pain, but a second later tapped Snickers’ shoulder with his beak.

    Snickers fell, his arm bleeding heavily, and hit the ground with a thud. He landed a few feet away from Kent and lay still.

    “Snickers!” Kent shouted. “Get up! Get up dammit!”

    “Jazz, finish him off with peck!”

    “Snickers...” Kent muttered so only the buizel could hear him. “I need you to hold on for about half a minute.”

    Jazz’s beak began to glow.

    “C’mon Snickers. The first thing you need to do is give me a sign if you’re still in this.”

    Snickers twitched, ever so slightly.

    “Good enough,” Kent said. “Wait for a second will you? Be ready to go on my mark.”

    Jazz dive bombed Snickers, his wings tucked close to his sides. “Good...” Kent muttered as the murkrow dropped closer. “Wait...” Murkrow was only feet away from Snickers now. “Snickers. Water Sport.”

    Snickers’ cheeks bulged, and it shot a large cloud of Water in Jazz’s face. The Murkrow, crying out in surprise, tried to pull up, but the sudden blast of water had left it heavier, and therefore slower than normal.

    Snickers suffered no such penalty. “Finish it,” Kent said, his face breaking out into a grin. “Quick attack.”

    Snickers flew forward, and hit Jazz while his back was turned. The Murkrow dropped like a rock towards the ground, and probably would’ve died had Diana not managed to return him to hiss pokeball before he hit the dirt.

    Snickers hit the ground and rolled, dusting himself off and looking very smug with himself. Kent smirked, watching his pokedex transfer the money they had bet to his account. He bent down and grabbed Snickers, shaking him roughly. “Ya did good kid,” he said in a poor imitation of a gruff army sergeant. “Ya did good.”

    “Bui!” Snickers responded, looking at Kent’s hammer-space pack expectantly. “Buizel!”

    “Ah, screw you,” Kent said good naturedly, pulling out Snickers’ pokeball. “I’m out. You can have one later.” With a click of a button, Snickers was recalled to his pokeball.

    Diana was standing in the road, looking at her pokeball with a numb expression. Without a word, she turned around and stalked towards Anton.

    “Hey! Princess! Don’t just leave without a word!” Kent shouted, laughing. “What, you had your *** kicked enough for one day? Gonna go home and cry to mommy?”

    Diana stopped in mid step, her hand clenching and unclenching, finally turning around. “Kent Nicholas? We’re going to fight again. And you are going to go down. Hard.” She turned away and walked up beside Anton, who already had his rapidash out and waiting. Bending down, he helped her up and then got on himself.

    “Yeah, you better run!” Kent shouted, waving his open hand in front of his face. “You can’t see me! You can’t see me!” Diana grimaced, but wheeled the rapidash around and took off the way she came. Kent pumped his fist one last time before turning around.

    Cece and Faith were looking at him sternly, while Noah and Seth were trying to copy them. “What?” Kent asked, immediately defensive.

    “That wasn’t exactly great sportsmanship Kent,” Faith said finally. “Diana didn’t deserve that.”

    “Yes she did!” Kent protested. “Are you kidding me? Of course she did!”

    “Really?” Cece said skeptically, shaking her head. “What did she do?”

    “She...she...” Kent said, trying to remember exactly what Diana had done that was so offensive. “She was a huge *****.”

    Seth snorted. “Look Kent, I know you’re excited about your first win. But taunting your opponent after they’ve already lost? That’s a bit of a low blow.” He shrugged. “There’s no rules against it, but it’s in poor taste man. Especially against someone that young.”

    “I’m that young!” Kent shot back. “You totally can’t play that card!”

    “He has a point Kent,” Cece said. “Think about how happy you are that you won. Diana is just as disappointed as you are excited, and you taunted her. That's just mean.”

    “Yeah, whatever,” Kent muttered, looking down at the ground and scuffing his foot on the dirt path. “I get it already.” He wasn’t quite ready to forgive Diana for...well, doing whatever it was she had done (and he was sure she had done something) but that didn’t mean he couldn’t regret it a little bit. A little bit. A microscopic inch. Maybe.

    “The next time you see her I want you to apologize,” Faith said sternly. “Alright?”

    Kent was about to respond, but Noah cut him off. “Are you serious Faith? This isn’t a freaking children’s card game. Kent’s a part of the League. He’s fully capable of making his own decisions, so stop ordering him around.”

    “Ugh!” Faith muttered, shaking her head and stomping off. Cece shook her head again and followed her.

    “Whatever,” Kent muttered, looking at Snickers’ pokeball angrily. “You know what? I don’t even care. She deserved it.”
     
    Last edited: May 15, 2011
  9. Gallyrat

    Gallyrat Active Member

    Chapter 4: Arrival

    Dear Chairman,

    It is with great reluctances that I write this letter to you. Truly, I feel as if I am wasting your time - no doubt what my employees have spotted is simply a computer error, or perhaps the fault of one of the...less than intelligent...workers of the PLCs.

    However, protocol dictates that I inform you of this problem, and I have always been one to follow protocol.

    As you know, the League tournaments began less than a week ago, and while registration issues are never uncommon, this one is particularly intriguing. This year, the Goldenrod PLC approved forty-four new trainers, two of whom were under the age of fifteen. In total, six underage children were approved to participate in this year’s tournament.

    However, it has come to the attention of one of my employees that seven underage children received starters this year, three of which claimed to have tested at Goldenrod. As I said, this is no doubt a simple computer error, which we will be fixing as soon as possible.

    Thank you for your time,
    Mark Zucker
    -Johto Vice-Manager of League Registration



    It was early when Kent caught the pidove. He found it surprisingly easy.

    He spied it in the trees when they were only a few hours walk from Olivine. They were eating lunch, and when he looked over to see what Snickers was doing he saw a rustling in the branches. The pidove burst from the treetops, and Snickers hit it with a water gun.

    One hit, that was all it took. The pidove hit the ground, hard, and was out for the count. Kent caught it with a Pokeball.

    Suddenly Faith was hugging him. “Good job!” She said, her voice giddy. “You caught your first pokemon!”

    Kent shrugged. “It’s just a pidove. Lame.” He studied the pokeball for a moment before shrinking it and clipping it to it’s belt. “Good job Snickers.”

    “Here, I have a potion,” Faith said, pulling a small purple bottle out of her bag. “Why don’t you let it out and heal it?”

    “No, it’s ok,” Kent said, walking back towards his lunch. “I’m not really planning on using it much.”

    Faith paused for a moment and looked at him. “You’re…just going to leave it there?” Her tone was wounded, hurt, like Keith had just said he was planning to sacrifice the Pidove to a dark god instead of saying he didn’t want to heal it.

    Kent nodded, his mouth already full of peanut butter and jelly. It was Seth’s sandwich – Kent had forgotten to pack anything but junk. He had promised to fix that once they reached Olivine, but for now Seth had plenty food for both of them.

    “Well then what are you going to use it for?” Faith asked. “Why did you even catch it?”

    “Cause it’s a flying type,” Kent said. He was speaking slowly, emphasizing each syllable, like he was talking to a five year old. “Flying beats ground. I can’t just rely on Snickers to beat Victor, can I?”

    “So what are you going to do once you’re done with it?”

    “I don’t know!” Kent said, looking around at the others for support. None came – Seth, Cece, and Noah had taken the opportunity to train their pokemon. Seth and Cece were pitting their Shinx and Timburr, respectively, against Noah’s Honchkrow and Mightyena. They were losing miserably. “Stuff it in my box? Maybe I’ll give it a little kid. Do a good deed.”

    Faith shook her head and turned away. “I expected better from you,” she said, before walking away to join the others.

    “What’s that supposed to mean?!” Kent shouted after her. He turned to Snickers. “What’s that supposed to mean?” He asked again, scratching the buizel behind the ears. “I think she’s mad at me.”

    “Buizel,” Snickers said, turning over on his back and sticking his legs in the air. Kent sighed and scratched the buizel’s stomach. “Girls. She’ll get over it.”

    XXXXXXXXXXXX

    By the time they reached Olivine, Faith still hadn’t gotten over it. Plus, Kent had a pounding headache. “I’m not pointing any fingers,” Kent whispered to Noah, “but Jasmine,” he said, pointing towards Faith’s ralts, “is looking pretty tired, don’t you think?”

    Noah chuckled. “You gotta give Faith a break man. She can get a little preachy, but she’s only trying to make you a better person. Can’t fault her for that.”
    “And I’m trying to make myself a better pokemon trainer,” Kent said. “Can’t fault me for that.”

    Noah ruffled his hair. “Someday, kid, that quick mouth of yours is going to get you in trouble.” He shrugged. “But you’re right. She can get emotional sometimes. But don’t underestimate the bond between trainer and pokemon. Just remember that sometimes, friendship is the most important power of all.”

    Kent stared at him for a moment, and Noah laughed. “Alright, so maybe not that much. I’ll take Hyper Beam over the power of friendship any day.”

    Kent smiled. He liked Noah – the older boy served as a kind of cool older brother that Kent had never had. Seth was cool too, but he was more the quirky cousin type, and Kent was glad they had met up with Faith and Noah so early.

    Well, maybe more Noah than Faith at the moment, but still.

    Olivine could be seen for miles away thanks to the lighthouse. It was enormous, shining during the night like a sun that helped boats or trainers find their way to the City on the Coast. Even in the daytime it was visible, towering over Olivine’s impressively large buildings.

    "Well, we're here," Noah said as they approached the gates. "Where do you guys want to go first?”

    "Gym! Gym! Gym!" Kent chanted.

    “Don’t listen to the pipsqueak,” Cece said, pushing Kent out of the way. “We have to get rooms at the Center first.” Kent and Seth started booing, but Cece ignored them. “C’mon. I used to come to Olivine as a little girl. The PLC is this way.”

    “So how are we gonna do this?” Kent asked Seth as they made their way through the crowded streets to towards the Center.

    “Well Noah needs to stay in town for a few days to look over the conference,” Seth said, taking a pokeball off his belt and tossing it up and down in his palm. “So we’re going to stay here until that’s over. He’s actually taking a vacation for a few weeks after this, so we’re going to stick together for as long as we can.”

    Kent nodded. “Is there anything to do here?”

    “Oh, there’s plenty to do,” Cece cut in. “You can watch Gym matches, or visit the beach, or the lighthouse. And they have the best food here, just wait.”

    “The weather’s really nice,” Kent said. “It never gets this warm in Cherrygrove.” He took a moment to enjoy the sun and the breeze. He had seen the ocean before, on a trip with the Jamesons, but never Olivine.

    “We’re here,” Noah said, pointing up at the PLC. “I guess I can book us some rooms, so if Seth and Kent still want to head to the gym…”

    “Yes!” Kent shouted, turning around immediately. “Let’s go!”

    “I’ll take him,” Seth said. “It’ll probably be a bit of a wait, so you guys get everything set and come down later.”

    “Get good seats!” Cece shouted after them. Kent only barely heard them as he skipped down the street, stopping every once and a while for Seth to catch up.

    “Have you ever fought Victor before?” Kent asked the older boy.

    Seth shook his head. “I grew up in Hoenn. This is my first time in this region. I’d never even seen Olivine before today.”

    “That’s crazy,” Kent said. “What’s Hoenn like?”

    “It’s pretty different,” Seth admitted. “Hoenn’s always been a little disconnected from the other regions. Not as much as Orre, or even Unova, but there’s a pretty big cultural gap. He pointed towards his right ear, where Kent noticed a tiny gold stud. “Pretty much all Hoenn guys get one of these when they register for the League, but barely any guys in Johto get their ears pierced.

    “That’s kinda cool,” Kent said. “Do you have a tattoo?”

    Seth laughed. “Not yet. Tattoos don’t close up like piercings do. I’m still not really comfortable with something like that.” He paused for a moment before pulling open a heavy glass door. “We’re here.”

    Kent stepped inside the Gym’s waiting lobby. It was a large, spacious room, with brown couches and chairs surrounded by racks of magazines. On the far wall, a man sitting at a large glass desk was typing at a computer and chattering into his earpiece. Kent approached him. “I’d like to challenge Victor please.”

    The man behind the desk was not amused. “Kid, I’ve had a bit of a long day. Please be serious or get out.”

    Kent shook his head. “No, seriously. I’m a registered trainer. Here’s my card,” he said, pulling his card out of its storage spot in his pokedex. The man took it with hesitation, but after swiping it through the machine he seemed to mellow out.

    “I’m sorry about that Mr. Nicholas,” he said, shaking his head. “It’s just been a long day. You wouldn’t believe how many underage kids try to convince me to let them in. I’ll contact Victor right now.”

    “It’s alright,” Kent said, shrugging. He glanced behind him to see Seth talking to a girl a few years older than he was, pointing at a small picture of the arena.

    “Mr. Nicholas? I’m going to need to see your pokeballs for just a moment,” the man behind the desk said. Kent nodded and unhooked them from his belt, handing them over. He scanned them through the computer and nodded, re-adjusting the headset he wore. “Two pokemon, both level Zero. Yes. I’ll send him right in sir.” He looked up at Kent and beamed. “Victor will see you right now. Please just step through that door right there,” he said, pointing to the door behind him.

    “Wait, wait.” Kent said, holding up a hand. “Level Zero? What?”

    “Ah, I’m sorry,” the man behind the desk said. “They did just make that change didn’t they? It’s nothing you need to worry about, trust me. After some issues with the pokedexes judging power levels, a new, broader system was put into place. Every ten previous levels is a new level, so one-nine is level Zero, ten-nineteen is Level 1, and so on. There are still league tournaments for every level.” He rubbed his chin. “I’m surprised you didn’t learn about it in your registration class. It says here you redeemed your card only about a week ago.”

    Kent smiled weakly. “I uh, took the class a few months ago. I was just too nervous to redeem the card until the last day.”

    The man behind the desk shrugged. “Alright then. You’re good to go, just step on through the door and take your match. Count yourself lucky - you just beat the afternoon rush.”

    “Thanks,” Kent said, beaming. “Hey Seth, you going to sign up?”

    His friend waved him off. “Not right now. I want to see Victor fight once or twice before I challenge him. I’ll just head up to the stands.”

    Kent nodded. “Suit yourself.”

    “Good luck Kent!” Seth shouted as he walked through the doors leading up to the stands. Kent nodded, a cold pit already forming in his stomach.

    He walked through the doors and emerged into possibly the coolest room he had ever seen. There were stands surrounding a large pit, which was filled with dirt and what seemed like a veritable maze of rocks. Kent gaped. It was awesome! And there were already some people sitting in the stands, eating and joking, pointing to him as he walked through the doors. Kent spotted Noah sitting up at the top, talking to the same girl he had met in the lobby. Seth gave him a brief thumbs up, and Kent nodded, not trusting himself to do anything more.

    A man in about his late twenties was waiting on the other side of the arena, just outside the pit. He was tall, with brown hair and an already graying beard, and wore a brown jacket with an odd symbol on it. He was gripping a pokeball in his hand, and waved at Kent as he entered the room.

    “You must be Kent,” he said, grinning. “I’m Victor. Ready for your first gym battle?”
     
  10. This is gonna get good. I can feel it in my balls, man.
     
  11. GastlyMan

    GastlyMan Ghost Type Trainer

    Just missed a period at the end there. :D
    No apostrophe necessary. :)
    A few more it's/its discrepancies. When implying possession, an apostrophe is unnecessary.
    *His

    Great job! So Kent is about to start his first Gym battle! Should be fun to watch. :)
     
  12. Drat

    Drat Don't Bother None

    This is awesome!

    It all feels so natural and the plot is refreshingly fun and believable. Kent seems a bit like your standard vivacious trainer, but the way you write him makes him feel new so it works.

    Can't wait for the next chapter!
     
  13. bookauthor1123

    bookauthor1123 Changing Altitudes

    I REALLY enjoy ths story and all, but there are lots of errors inside of it that seem to hit me with every passing chapter.

    I'd love to tell you what they are through PM though, that way when you change them my post won't sit here looking dumb.

    However, all in all you fic is a definate 8/10, being that the set up to your characters is fine and how you use the lack of words to tell your story is a really good change of pace from most of the other fics I've reviewed.

    One thing that's haunting me, though:

    You had Cece ask Kent =>
    Whose Victor? I may have missed who he was, but I just don't see his name anywhere else in the fic. Unless you meant, "Suppose THE Victor [...]". Other than that I'm just not sure what you meant...
     
  14. Gallyrat

    Gallyrat Active Member

    Thank you guys so much for the reviews/comments. I'm sorry that I haven't updated for a while, but with summer comes camps and workouts and jobs that all cut into my free time. The new chapter should be up sometime around the 15th
     
  15. Missingno. Master

    Missingno. Master Poison-type Trainer

    I remember seeing this fic! I was interested in it, but it hadn't been posted in for a long time, and I was afraid it had been abandoned. Can't wait for the next chapter!
     
  16. Rediamond

    Rediamond Middle of nowhere

    Well, this is certainly an interesting start. While I disagree that a few miles is "draining," I can see why Kent would think that at his age. Anyways, nice to see a fic without a ten-year-old protagonist (at least you didn't have a kid passing the tests at twelve either). The sitter part was a rather dark insight into how the League system would actually work. I think going into movepool and levels is generally a bad idea, but if you can pull it off, all power too you. Just make sure you can realistically explain it.

    Also, I like the way you set up Kent so that I can understand where he's coming from and still cringe every time he does something. Speaking of which, your dialogue is very good at conveying the characters personalities, and generally pretty good. Just like the rest of it. Make sure you don't go overly technical with how the battling system works, and this should be pretty good.

    PS: I have a strange suspicion that Jason will be returning.
     
  17. Gallyrat

    Gallyrat Active Member

    Thank you guys so much for sticking with this! I know it's been a long time since the last update, but here's the next one. Enjoy!

    Chapter 4: Gym

    Dear Director,

    It has been a while, I think, since we last traded letters, and so I felt that I needed to write you again. Check up on old times, yes? Young people nowadays with their email and text messaging...but in my old mind at least, no form of long distance communication can beat a hand written letter.

    But you are a busy man, and here I am wasting your time with small talk.

    My men have encountered an anomaly...an extra underaged trainer. Strange, yes? Especially after the Sinnoh Incident. You gave quite the rousing speech after that didn't you? You always did have a talent for persuading others. You tightened rules. You said never again. And yet, here we are, in the same position we were four years earlier. Life is funny, is it not? Tell me, Director, how confident are you in your ability to talk yourself out of this one?

    Sincerely,
    Your friend, the Chairman

    P.S. I would also like to wish your soon-to-be unveiled project the best of luck. Just remember, when this inevitably crashes and burns, that you ignored my warnings.


    “I’m Victor. Are you ready for your first gym battle?”

    “Aw hell yeah!” Kent shouted, grinning. “Question is, are you ready to go down hard?” Well, that certainly sounded more confident than he felt. Maybe if he kept shouting, he wouldn’t throw up all over his shoes. A young attendant came up to him and offered him a silver armband, which he slipped on his right wrist. He felt slightly more comfortable – the armband’s personal force field would protect him from any serious harm

    Victor threw back his head and laughed. “That’s more like it! It’s been a while since I’ve had someone so eager to fight.” He pulled a pokeball from his belt and held it out. “And so young too! You’ve got a great future ahead of you kid!”

    Kent let out a shaky breath, grabbing Snicker’s pokeball and tossing it up and down. “Then let’s go!” He shouted, loud enough so the people in the stands could hear him. The pokeball felt cool and solid in his hand, giving him something to hold onto.

    The ref, standing on an elevated platform on the sidelines, nodded at Victor, raising two flags; one green and one red. “This is a match between Challenger Kent Nicholas of Cherrygrove and Gym Leader Victor of Olivine! The match is two pokemon, one on one. Level zero, League rules. Are both contestants ready?”

    Victor nodded. Kent tried not to throw up all over his shoes. He only partially succeeded, and made a face as he swallowed the throw up that had found it’s way to his mouth. Oh Lord....

    “Begin!”

    Victor moved with practiced ease, chucking the pokeball through the air towards Kent. “Let’s roll! Cubone!” There was a flash of light, and a small brown pokemon holding a bone club sprung out of the pokeball, slightly adjusting the skull on it’s head.

    Kent said nothing, simply threw Snicker’s pokeball in a high arc. Another flash of light and Snicker’s appeared, falling through the air towards Cubone. “Snickers! Water Gun!”

    Victor laughed again. “Getting the drop on me eh? Cubone, dodge it!” Cubone rolled to the side, dodging the blast of water and springing away, unhurt and unworried

    “Snickers!” Kent shouted, looking frantically down at his pokedex. “It shouldn’t have any long range attacks! Same strategy as with the murkrow, ok?!”

    “Buizel!” Snickers responded, landing gracefully on all fours. The tiny pokemon seemed far from panicked – in fact, Kent could’ve sworn Snickers was enjoying the fight.

    “Cubone, Bone Club!” Victor shouted. Cubone charged forward, bone held high.

    Kent grit his teeth. Cubone were notorious for their ability to use those bone clubs, and Snickers couldn’t afford to take a hit so early into the fight. “Snickers, Sonic Boom the ground in front of it!”

    “Buizel!” Snickers whipped his tail forward, and there was a sudden explosion in between the buizel and Cubone, throwing up a cloud of dust. Cubone, now unable to see, skidded to a halt.

    “Water gun!” Kent shouted. “Water Gun directly in front of you!” Snickers responded without hesitation, firing a high-powered stream of water from his mouth. The attack shot through the cloud of dust and hit Cubone dead on, sending him flying into one of the maze like walls of rock.

    “C’mon Cubone!” Victor shouted from the other end of the stadium. “Don’t let that finish you!”

    Sensing victory, Kent went into for the kill. “Water Gun again!” He shouted. “Don’t let it get up!”

    “Bui...zel!” There was another blast of water, once again forcing Cubone to the wall. But this time Cubone slumped, his eyes closed, and his club slipped from his paw. Kent pumped one arm in victory, and Snickers let out a victory yell.

    “Cubone is no longer able to battle! Buizel is the winner!” The ref said, raising the green flag. “Victor now has one pokemon left!”

    Victor nodded, returning Cubone to his pokeball with a beam of red light. “An excellent fight Cubone,” he said, pulling another pokeball from his belt. “Unfortunately, this just wasn’t your match.”

    Kent grinned at Snickers, who was performing a little breakdance in the middle of the arena, much to the delight of the spectators.

    “All right Kent,” Victor said, running his hand through his hair. “You’d better get focused. Because here’s where it really begins!” He threw the pokeball off to the side of the arena. “Go! Sandshrew!”

    A yellow pokemon with a tough hide burst from the pokeball with a cry, landing on top of the maze of rock, letting out a short chitter of a cry and slashing it’s claws at the air in front of it. Snickers seemed unimpressed, crossing his front legs across his chest and waiting for Kent.

    Kent smirked. “This won’t be any harder. Snickers, Water Gun!” The tiny pokemon blasted water from it’s mouth, but Sandshrew easily dodged, burrowing underground. Kent cursed. “Snickers, to the top of the wall!”

    Snickers leapt to the top of the maze, looking around with growing unease. Kent frowned and watched the arena carefully, trying to determine exactly where Sandshrew had gone.

    It happened too fast to react to. Sandshrew burst from the side of a wall, crashing into Snickers with a loud battle cry. “Water Gun!” Kent shouted, hands twisting on the rail. “Water Gun!”

    It was no use. Snickers was stunned and thrown to the ground by the sudden impact, completely at the mercy of Sandshrew’s razor sharp claws. Kent knew it, and more importantly, so did Victor.

    “Sandshrew! Use Scratch now!” He shouted, sensing his advantage. Kent grit his teeth as Sandshrew raked his claws across Snickers’ chest, causing the buizel to cry out in pain.

    “Use Scratch again!” Victor shouted. “And follow it up with Poison Sting!”

    “Snickers!” Kent shouted. Without thinking, he threw himself over the rail, landing with a painful thud at the bottom of the maze. The crowd was roaring around him, and Kent sprinted towards the two Pokemon.

    “Sandshrew, focus on Kent!” Victor shouted, his voice shaking with excitement. “I haven’t seen this much spunk in years! Show me what you’ve got kid!”

    “Get off of him!” Kent shouted, still charging towards Sandshrew. The yellow pokemon let out another cry and returned the charge, leaping at Kent and crashing into him, throwing them both to the floor.

    A silver energy stopped the pokemon when it was less than an inch away from him, but Kent still felt the simulated pain, and no force field could protect him from getting the wind knocked out of him. Despite this, he grabbed Sandshrew around the arm and threw him into one of the walls. “Eat rock, stupid rat!”

    Snickers, meanwhile, had pushed himself to his feet. “Get Victor!” Kent shouted, turning to face Sandshrew. “This guy’s mine.”

    “Buizel!” Snickers shouted, turning and rushing towards Victor. The Gym leader laughed but made no move to defend himself, too caught up in seeing Kent dance around Sandshrew’s attacks.

    That fascination cost him. Snickers leapt into the air, and a Water Gun tore through the space between the pokemon and the Gym Leader. Victor was thrown up against, the wall, and there was a bright flash of silver. When Kent looked over, Victor was laying on his back, laughing like a madman. “What a fight! What a fight!”

    Kent peered at the older man. He was covered in silver energy that was keeping him from moving, and Snickers was standing over him. Victor appeared to be unhurt, but you never knew. Sometimes the force field armband would malfunction, and then there would be problems...

    “Victor’s force field has rendered him immobile, and he is counted as unconscious!” The ref shouted, raising the red flag. “The match goes to Kent Nicholas!”

    Short chapter this time around, I know. The next one will be longer.
     
    Last edited: Aug 12, 2011
  18. Chimpchar

    Chimpchar PKMN CHAMPION!!!!

    if you plan to have one, add me to your pm list please!
     
  19. Gallyrat

    Gallyrat Active Member

    A PM list! Yes! I will make one! (And I'll put you on it, don't worry)

    So anyone else - if you want to be on the PM list just ask.
     
  20. Missingno. Master

    Missingno. Master Poison-type Trainer

    A PM list? Sign me up!
     

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