Being Yourself and Changing to be with Others

[Dattebayo]

You don't have to change for anyone but there are times when you need to use discretion. Anytime you communicate with another person, you need to be somewhat aware of proper etiquette and social norms. Saying things that are just downright insensitive and offensive just makes things worse for yourself. For example, a few months ago, I remember you saying that the Haitian earthquake was beneficial to mankind because it reduced the population and saved the environment. Saying something like that is just going to drive people away from you. If you want respect, you need to be aware of other people's feelings and be respectful of that. It's the way life works. I can be a bit crass when I'm with friends but I wouldn't go to a job interview and act like how I normally would and expect to get hired.

I wasn't trying to hurt anyone's feelings, I was trying to make a point. Decreasing the human population would save trees, endangered animals, and the earth's ozone layer. I thought this statement would help me gain respect from the popular users.

 

[Dark Eevee]

I wasn't trying to hurt anyone's feelings, I was trying to make a point. Decreasing the human population would save trees, endangered animals, and the earth's ozone layer. I thought this statement would help me gain respect from the popular users.

Decrease it how?

 

[Mr Dragon]

I am the most stubborn person ever, I am very frank and will criticize someone very much if necessary and as a result I get into a lot of fights.

But that's the way I am, I say what I think, and if someone doesn't like it, well tough.

And I will never change into someone else as a result

 

[MrPostman]

There's nothing wrong with you that completely changing yourself wouldn't fix.

 

[PsychedelicJellyfish]

I don't change myself depending on who I'm with. Well, my level of maturity changes from person to person, but that's about it. I don't like it when people act completely differently depending on who they're with, like the people who are d*cks in company but nice when you get them on their own.

 

[The Mewtwo Master]

You remember that old saying: "If you ever want to make friends or have respect, you should always be yourself". Apparently, it seems that the old saying doesn't usually work in the internet. Whenever a person tries to be himself, as in explaining his own thoughts about anything, there's a chance that some users will call him/her an idiot for having those thoughts because they are either wrong or just hate any opinion but their own. This force the said person to change his opinions in order to fit in with the crowd. I used to be one when I first joined Serebii Forums, I was trying to be myself by explaining my own thoughts about any subject and end up being called an idiot or a troll because my opinions were wrong. The smart Serebii users try to explain to me how I'm wrong, but I simply ignored them all for the sake of me thinking I'm always right. They soon hate me as well. So right now, I'm trying to change so I can be accepted by those who hate me here. But then I think about the old saying. If I ever change, then I would be breaking that old saying. So tell me, is changing yourself really necessary so you be respected by others or is that against making friends/getting respect by being yourself? My apology if this is in the wrong section; you can move it to another section that's best suited.

Datte, if you feel it is nessecary, change any part about you. You may go down a path of insanity like I did and lose your thoughts and happiness. I'm trying to change for someone *cries*

Anyways, just remember:

If someone hates you cause you used their opinion, then they hate their own opinion

Quoted from a visitor message I made

(And now, to let the water, AKA members of Serebii, boil, set the tea bag for too long and then get a mouthful of strong tea, AKA, bashing and a misunderstood banning)

 

[Dattebayo]

There's nothing wrong with you that completely changing yourself wouldn't fix.

Well of course there's something wrong with me because you and your friends hate me for forming my opinion, so I need to use your opinion as my own so you, along with your friends, will like me again.

 

[MrPostman]

I've got ... friends?

 

[T.W.I.]

Well, 1st of the internet is a very cruel place. It brings out the worst in people. Plus, people on the internet mentally all function in terms of speed. The faster we 'on the internet' can find out who a person is the faster we can categorize them. People come and go, and return with fake alias's all the time.

While the internet may be cruel, dark, and scary, much life real life there are good people out there. Like real life you just have to find a place where you 'fit'. Not everyone will shareyour views or beliefs, but someone out there does.

 

[The Mewtwo Master]

. People come and go, and return with fake alias's all the time.

.

I have 20 Fake Alias through out the internet. People hate me cause of simple misunderstandings

 

[Mr Dragon]

There's nothing wrong with you that completely changing yourself wouldn't fix.

Why Should you change yourself, it's not worth it.

I've got ... friends?

This wins the thread.

 

[AlanL]

You remember that old saying: "If you ever want to make friends or have respect, you should always be yourself". Apparently, it seems that the old saying doesn't usually work in the internet. Whenever a person tries to be himself, as in explaining his own thoughts about anything, there's a chance that some users will call him/her an idiot for having those thoughts because they are either wrong or just hate any opinion but their own. This force the said person to change his opinions in order to fit in with the crowd. I used to be one when I first joined Serebii Forums, I was trying to be myself by explaining my own thoughts about any subject and end up being called an idiot or a troll because my opinions were wrong. The smart Serebii users try to explain to me how I'm wrong, but I simply ignored them all for the sake of me thinking I'm always right. They soon hate me as well. So right now, I'm trying to change so I can be accepted by those who hate me here. But then I think about the old saying. If I ever change, then I would be breaking that old saying. So tell me, is changing yourself really necessary so you be respected by others or is that against making friends/getting respect by being yourself? My apology if this is in the wrong section; you can move it to another section that's best suited.

In common society, it's not so much changing yourself as wearing the right mask.

Humans are a social bunch, and have built civilization with society in mind. Granted it's always simpler and healthier to be yourself, but everyone has to play the politics game sooner or later. Some play it because they have to, some play it to win at life, but you're better off if you play it well, and that means putting up the best image for the situation you're in. Like any other, politics is a game best played strategically.

Of course, there's that, and then there's real friends. One of the key things that sets real friends apart is how a true, real friend will accept you as you are. Anyone who can't truly accept you isn't truly your friend, but a friend of the image you're putting up.

This counts in real life and the internet, but the internet lacks a few things that real life has, such as:

-Threat of retaliation.

A lot of stupid stuff done on the internet is done because the person doing it doesn't have to worry about getting socked in the face for it. Sure there are hackers out there, but -real- hackers are pretty rare.

-Permanent identity.

Unlike real life, you can hide your info online, or even put in bogus info. A random alias can be used as a disposable mask, and free proxy sites make this even easier.

These things together make it far easier to be a jerk online than face to face, and so, there are crowds of people who get their fun by being jerks online.

When it comes to opinions, I'd say the only thing you'd need to truly change for is the facts themselves. In short, do the research before posting your opinion. Look at it from a neutral point of view and see if you're actually right or not. That way if someone actually throws a valid attack at your opinion, you already have a mass of good info to use in your favor, plus being an actual expert (or as close as you can get) on the subject is always a plus.

And don't be afraid to admit you've lost a debate. If you're proven wrong, it's time to accept the other's argument as the truth. Pushing an argument you've already lost just makes you look bad.

If someone else posts an opinion or 'fact' you think is stupid, then the best way sometimes is to not even argue. Be their curious student, and try to learn as much as possible. Sometimes the easiest way to reveal someone's stupidity is to just query their non-existent support. Read Socrates' dialogues and you'll know exactly what I mean.

If someone's just being an idiot, or just insults you without saying anything useful, then it's just dots on a screen. Feel free to ignore it.

 

[Penguinist Trainer]

Personally I find it easier to get along with people by letting people know as little about me as possible. The moment I reveal my personal beliefs to someone, I tend to offend them. It's not because I am trying to be blatantly offensive or "edgy" by saying controversial things. I've just experienced and witnessed some things which have forced my feelings towards one thing over an other.

For instance, one of my best friends was asking me what I would do if I had a debilitating ailment. I told him flat out that I would blow my brains out. He stormed off at my response. It turned out that his girlfriend's father was diagnosed with something and he was looking for advice for her. He later on realized that I was just expressing my personal beliefs and there were no hard feelings.

For me, I personally want to be put out of my misery if I am ever in a position where I can't take care of myself physically/mentally. I have had too many relatives who honestly should have gone the way of Ol' Yeller as cold and callous as that sounds. It broke my heart to watch them suffer.

 

[CSolarstorm]

If I took down my defenses for a minute, I'd lose patience with everyone I know; I can't walk, my wheelchairs break down frequently and when I finish all of my college finals I have to go to bed for the entire summer break, and I have to tolerate my healthy friend complaining that his legs hurt because he doesn't bother to walk enough. If I was to hold everyone accountable for what seems to me like bull, I'd offend everyone and never have a single friend.

^ It's people who think like that that eventually end up having to live with a disability.

 

[Penguinist Trainer]

I have no problem living with a disability and I have nothing against people with disabilities. It's just part of my personal beliefs. I feel guilty if I am a burden on anyone. I've seen the suffering in my families eyes as they took care of their sick or dying relatives. I've had more than a dozen die from various cancers. A couple of Alzheimers. 1 Paranoid Schizophrenic. 3 who can barely walk. I've been to more funerals than I can even count.

I have nothing personal against those with disabilities, I just could never be a burden on my family. I'm one of those stubborn types of people who would never ask for help because I'd be afraid of imposing on someone else.

 

[DarkMammoth]

Y'know, there's a line between being an individual and just being a selfish brat. Sounds like some of you aren't differentiating between the two.

 

[dragoniteKnight]

your on a pokemon forum...debating about ****....everyone is entitled to their own opinion, no matter how stupid or unreasonable it may be. it just so happens your opinion is WRONG, UNREASONABLE, UNETHICAL, and does not in the least coincide with my feelings OR morals. jk, anyways when your having a friendly debate (or on pokemon forums, flame wars) just listen to other peoples opions, reflect on them, and then pretend like they never existed. its always good to listen to other opinions, AND NECISARY TO LEARN THE FACTS. no one besides mindless yesmen have the same exact thoughts, so its only natural youll eventually see someone go "WTF, dude you just cant go around nuking every country!"

 

[AlanL]

Y'know, there's a line between being an individual and just being a selfish brat. Sounds like some of you aren't differentiating between the two.

Now I'm curious, could you please explain your point and include some examples if possible?

 

[CSolarstorm]

I have no problem living with a disability and I have nothing against people with disabilities. It's just part of my personal beliefs. I feel guilty if I am a burden on anyone. I've seen the suffering in my families eyes as they took care of their sick or dying relatives. I've had more than a dozen die from various cancers. A couple of Alzheimers. 1 Paranoid Schizophrenic. 3 who can barely walk. I've been to more funerals than I can even count.

I have nothing personal against those with disabilities, I just could never be a burden on my family. I'm one of those stubborn types of people who would never ask for help because I'd be afraid of imposing on someone else.

Fair enough. I already hate being a burden as much as I am, being as dehabilitated as I think you're talking about is a lot worse. :/

This is a thread called "Being Yourself and Changing to be With Others". If you can't let down your masks and say what you feel here without being called a selfish brat, where can you?

You really have to ask what a "self" is anyway. If you're angry and bitter and mean, does that mean if you try to be happy that you're not "being yourself"? If people are constantly changing than it seems more like our self is what we define it as and not a solid thing.

 

[DarkMammoth]

Now I'm curious, could you please explain your point and include some examples if possible?

Since this is a Pokemon forum, I'll use being a Pokemon fan as an example.

Obviously many people here are really into Pokemon despite being well over the target age, and that's fine... to a point. It's a given, especially if you're in high school, that people are gonna call you out on it and/or make fun of you behind your back simply because you still like Pokemon. Assuming you're a well-adjusted individual, that's fine. Haters gonna hate, after all. However, I've got plenty of friends who don't like Pokemon or nerdy things in general, and I still can maintain a good relationship with them, because I can talk about things other than Pokemon. But if you're completely obsessed with Pokemon, maybe you should change yourself a bit. You don't have to give up Pokemon completely, but at the same time, try to find new hobbies. Because Pokemon isn't gonna keep you happy forever. Good friends will.

OK, I'm not sure if that was a good example. But what I'm basically trying to say is that everyone has flaws. Some things you can't- and shouldn't- change, but there's plenty of things about yourself that you can improve on. So rather than give the middle finger to the world, maybe you could do some self-evaluating instead.