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Best Laid Plans (Commonershipping, all ages, ONE-SHOT)

Discussion in 'Shipping Fics' started by Ludi-Cola, Jul 16, 2008.

  1. Ludi-Cola

    Ludi-Cola Drink Responsibly

    Hello all. This is my first fic here, and it's based on the Pokemon manga, D/P/P saga. There's some mild spoilers, but if you've followed up to chapter 10 either on netkun or the summaries, there shouldn't be any huge revelations. I hope I have followed all the rules, I'm not sure if an unrequited ship needs to be in the thread title, but I can update if there's a problem somehow. Enjoy!

    Best Laid Plans (aka He Just Knows)
    fanfic by Ludi-Cola

    There are some things Pearl just knows. Oh sure, he wasn't formally educated by private tutors but he knows what a classic is nonetheless-- he's seen Abbott & Costello meet Frankenstein 35 times, and 7 of those showings were without subtitles. But he also knows that watching isn't enough, to truly be successful one must practice. And so he goes over his comedy routines everyday, until he knows each line by heart.

    That's why when the Lady struggles and falls off her bicycle he does not take her hand and steady her, nor does he bandage those cuts. He knows she can find balance all by herself. He knows that every new adventure is fraught with peril. There's always a chance one will get hurt trying, but wounds always heal, and a missed opportunity is gone forever. Ms. Berlitz just needs more experience, and Pearl knows that someday she will conquer all her fears.

    Dia doesn't understand, but then again his friend has always been slow on the uptake. He tries to explain the concept of tough love, but his words fall on deaf ears. Frustrated, he smacks Dia on the head to illustrate his point. He knows this time the message has gone through. Diamond simply needs to pay attention to the moment, but Pearl knows that someday his friend's timing will be perfect.

    Like all his strategies, it was masterful and exact, and had everyone gone along accordingly it would have been his greatest triumph. Instead he sees Dia and the Lady holding hands as they walk and whispering softly, and it fills him with rage and disbelief. After everything he's done, all the lessons taught, why did they have to go and get the most important one wrong? He wants to yell and stamp and do whatever it takes to pull them apart but he knows it won't do any good. And so he does nothing, because nothing will ever set things right again.

    Although he tries his best to keep it together, every second is an eternity and it's getting harder to stick with them when his whole body feels like it's on pins and needles. His teeth clench and his fists shake, while his heart pounds so much that his chest tightens and he's afraid that if he stops breathing now he won't remember how to start again.

    He knows that he should be happy for his friends, but he's not. He hates being the second most important boy in her eyes because from where he's standing he may as well be the last. He's never learned how to lose gracefully, and he isn't about to start now. So when Diamond and Ms. Berlitz lean in for a kiss, he turns his head away and vows not to watch anymore. There are some things Pearl doesn't want to know.

    Last edited: Jul 16, 2008
  2. first off, it doesn't really look like it's a full page long, so you might want to fix that. as for the story as a whole, it really does sound pretty well written, but more like the first one maybe two paragraph(s) to another oneshot.

    tabs dont works on the forums, so you want to put paragraphs by hitting the enter key instead of tab. a wall of text is hard on the eyes. ^^; another thing i wanted to point out was that there was no dialouge. now don't get me wrong, some oneshots don't and they turn out fine too. but in this one, it seems like some people talking would really help the reader understand Pearl's sorrow/anger.

    based on the vocabulary and the structure of the sentances, i really do think a great fic might come from you. practice makes perfect! ^^

    ;216; Tff
  3. Ludi-Cola

    Ludi-Cola Drink Responsibly

    Thank you for the advice. It was just over a page written out in my notebook, but my handwriting is a little messy and may have added to the length? Dialogue would be the easiest way to make it longer and while I could think of some cutesy things for Dia and Berlitz to say, Pearl talking is more of a problem. It's one thing if he would simply grumble Robert Barone style that "everybody loves Diamond", given Pearl's volatile nature he might...

    PEARL: *bursts in* Whaddya mean, volatile?
    DIA: *lagging behind, carrying dictionary* Volatile. Adj. Pertaining to a loud and disruptive--
    PEARL: I KNOW WHAT IT MEANS DUMMY! *hits Dia with book*
    DIA: Owowow! That hurts more than a slap, Pearl. Are you maybe... still mad about my girlfriend.
    PEARL: *shifty eyes* You finally said something smart. Here, let me give you a congratulatory hand break.
    DIA: Um, you mean handshake, right? Right?!

    See how easily he shattered the fourth wall? If I didn't stop Pearl now, the rating will skyrocket. Best let him stay in the Emo Corner of Silence, and I'll work this week on another way to revise. =)
  4. Mr.Pong

    Mr.Pong Cousin Of Gold

    aww man.... a sad ending(sorta). But it's a nice written fic. I support the same shipping in my fic, except mine's Dia(the main guy character in the game) and Platina(the girl).
    Last edited: Jul 26, 2008

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