BF Brains Take a Holiday

[Jindai]

Our story takes place in a place where elite trainers come to battle. Most tell tales about the trainers who battle there. But this is not the story of them; it’s the story of the ultimate trainers they battle. You know their names and know their style. But do you know what happens after the battles? When they take a holiday? When the Frontier is closed? You probably don’t. But soon you will.

“Brandon, are you going to the New Years Eve party?” Scott asked as he watched his friend fight a battle for the Silver Bravery Symbol. Although he did not own any Pokemon, Scott loved Pokemon battles. He went around the world searching for trainers he thought worthy of battling the Frontier Brains. The Frontier Brains were Pokemon trainers that Scott assembled for there strengths in Pokemon battling. Several qualities- seven to be exact- that not many trainers have overpowered. Scott made a place. A place where trainers go to battle the Brains.

“Regice! Use Ice Beam!” The big legendary ice Pokemon sent a beam of ice towards the opposing Salamence. The blue and red Pokemon fell to the ground from the sky.

“Salamence, return,” said the trainer with a glum look on his face. “That was my last Pokemon!” Now, if he wanted the Silver Bravery Symbol, he would have to explore the Battle Pyramid, three more times. In the Battle Pyramid, you have to explore the Pyramid. You have a limited amount of light to find the blue teleporter in a maze that will take you to the next floor in the Pyramid. When you get to the top of the seven floor Pyramid three times, you will face the Pyramid King.

“Scott, do you honestly think I’d miss the New Year’s Eve party?” He looked at portly man with a smug grin on his face. Scott stared at him. Disgusted.

“You said that for the Halloween and Christmas parties!” Scott yelled at the King.

“You’re just imaging things. I was there,” Brandon defended. Brandon had, in fact, said he was going to go to those two parties, but never showed up. Even when the 15th annual Battle Frontier Opening party was at the Battle Frontier, he wasn’t there! He was at his home town of Pacifidog City, with his friends.

“Be there. Or be square.” He walked in the opposite direction, but walked back. “Is there anyway to get down from here?”

Thats the end of the chapter. I know its kind of late for New Years... and Its kinda short... but... -.-; yah...
Critiques welcome.
More chapters to come soon.

PKB

 

[Klaus]

Well, first i'd like to say that you really need darker print. I had to highlight it
to read it.

It sounds interesting though it was really short, unless it was a prolouge.

As always, be kind to the mime.

 

[Guitar dude bill]

Hmmmmmmmmmm, was very short, 'twas Okay. It could use more description, but well developed character. It is cliffhanging. The grammar is fine. Just needs more description and length.

 

[~*Myuu the Ryuu*~]

i had to HIGHLIGHT this to read it!

audience: Gasp!

*old lady faints*

but otherwise pretty good!
i liked the ending, it was so funny!

so get a darker print, and you're on your way!

 

[billy5772]

Our story takes place in a place where elite trainers come to battle. Most tell tales about the trainers who battle there. But this is not the story of them; it’s the story of the ultimate trainers they battle.

I don’t know if that made sense. Maybe it’s just that it’s late here, but it sounds like you’re saying, “This isn’t the story about the elite trainers, who are the only ones who battle here, but a story of the elite trainers they battle.” That’s like saying, it’s not about Jimmy, it’s about Jimmy. Oh wait. Although subtle, is there a difference between the trainers referred to as “elite” and “ultimate”? If there is, nevermind.

The setting of the conversation was kinda weird. I wasn't exactly sure about what was going on during their conversation. I mean, you said that Scott was talking to Brandon while he was fighting a battle, but then you refer to the person who Scott addresses as "the King", which I'm thinking refers to the King that you fight after going up the battle pyramid seven times. I don't know. It was a bit confusing. The battle for the Bravery Symbol was underdeveloped to say the least. The font was too light.

You didn't do much to set up the scene visually.

I don't know. This could use some work in a lot of different departments, but it sounds like you have a vision for this fic, so keep at it.