Bonds Between Children of Tragedy

[Nerdy McNerdface]

So hello dear reader! I know I've already uploaded a new story but hear me out.

So I began writing this a few weeks back after I was thinking about something that somebody in the "Rare Pokemon Shippings" thread said. It was about the ship between N and Lillie, but it got my mind rolling despite my lack of love for the romantic version of the ship.

What if N was forced to go to the Aether Foundation with Ghetsis due to the area's connection with Pokemon who have been harmed, and while he was there, he met Lillie and Gladion and became role models to them?

It's probably going to have extremely infrequent updates, but I'll gain more motivation to write it if people like it, I guess. Here we go!

Bonds Between Children of Tragedy

This is a story set one year before the climactic event at the Unova Pokemon League where truth and ideals clashed in a battle of fire and thunder. Three years before the tragic incident in Opelucid City where the whole area became cloaked in unbreakable ice. Five years before the whole Alola region had been under threat from the dimension of the Ultra Beasts colliding with ours. This is the story about the two children of the Aether Foundation, and the soul who shaped the way they saw their futures.

=================

Day 1 - Late Morning
N gripped the hat between his hands tightly as he was led to the Foundation's main building, staring in awe at the magnificent colours woven into the island he found himself on.Ever since had been taken in by Ghetsis, he had barely seen any hint of daylight or fresh air. He was confined inside the castle he called home, and as far as he had been told, that was safe.

However, the events of today had led him to travelling far, far away from his home region of Unova. As he had been told by his foster father, he was going to travel to the Aether Foundation - a manmade island located in the tropical oceans of the Alola region, practically brimming with Pokemon who had been abused by humans and were now recovering in safe hands. Ghetsis had failed to elaborate on why N needed to be at this foundation, but N chose it was for the best - after all, he would be able to console these hurt and depressed creatures, and treat them as his friends.

His train of thought was interrupted by the stern voice of the man walking alongside him. "Stop staring at everything like it's heaven on Earth. It's humiliating for me."

"Uh... yes, of course, father." N changed the direction he was staring in to the ground, making sure to not fail the commands given to him. The way the beaming sun was uninterrupted by clouds in the Alola region caused the overwhelming quantity of white concrete, bricks and metal that the island was made up of to glow brightly, in an almost blinding way. N chose that it was best to put his hat back on again in the hope that it'd stop the glare from affecting his eyes.

He sighed with relief as he walked through the automatic doors, as both the glare of the sun and the heat were behind him, being replaced with calm lighting and a relaxing cooling system. The inside of the main Aether Foundation building was just as magnificent as the island had looked from the outside. He didn't stare for too long for fear of being berated again, but he caught a glance of the building around him. A walkway was set from the entrance side to the back of the building. The side of the walkway he was standing on hosted two reception desks, presumably for visitors to understand what the area held. In the direct middle of the path there resided a grand, triangular elevator that presumably led to the Pokemon conservation area. All of this was painted in the same white as outside, lined with sky blues and golds.

Employees dotted the area, wandering around and minding their own business. Two of them manned the reception desks, which N now found himself walking to alongside Ghetsis. The desk that they had chosen was being headed by a kind young woman with tanned skin and black hair cropped to her shoulders. Her outfit consisted of a white, sleeveless jumpsuit lined with gold seams, and several ridiculously large pockets holding a great many things that nobody was allowed to see.

"Hello there," she said in a smooth tone to Ghetsis. "Welcome to the Aether Foundation. May I be of any service to you?"

Ghetsis nodded. "We are here to see madam Lusamine, please. I believe I made an appointment with her a while back concerning the Pokemon kept at this island."

The woman turned to a computer that held files concerning the foundation. "I see... and your surname is?"

"Harmonia."

The woman fell silent for a moment as she scrolled through what the computer held, before turning back to Ghetsis with a polite smile on her face. "I've found your request. A meeting with the president for Ghetsis Harmonia and..." she stared at the next name in slight confusion.

"You can just call me N," N told the woman to save her any trouble.

"That sounds... fine," the woman informed him, trying to hide her embarrassment and failing. "Right! Lusamine shall be with you shortly. Feel free to wait in the lobby-"

Her voice was interrupted by the whirr of the elevator as it suddenly shifted out of place, heading upwards towards the next floor. It stayed there for a few moments, before shifting back down again. Except this time, the elevator now held a woman with extremely long blonde hair and a white dress. The woman on the elevator began heading towards them, her heels clicking on the floor.

"Are these the people who I'm supposed to be having a talk with about our foundation? I came down since I'd heard I was going to have a meeting today, and I chose that I would greet them personally before heading up to the conservation area."

N nodded, while Ghetsis gave a firm reply. "Yes, it is us that you were looking for."

The woman practically beamed. "Splendid! Well, what are we waiting for? Let us continue this conversation upstairs."

===============

Day 1 - Early Evening

The walk from the main Aether building to the Aether Mansion felt like it took forever, and N acknowledged it as he found himself wandering down it. During the conversation with Lusamine, Ghetsis had brought up the fact that N had the ability to understand what Pokemon said, and how he thought that this ability could be used to understand what the Pokemon that were being taken care of had to say, thus leading to further developments in the conservation area that would result in benefits for everyone. While Lusamine had seemed skeptical at first, N proved his father right at that very same moment. The meeting concluded with Lusamine saying that it would be a great idea for N to stay at "Aether Paradise" (as the island was called) for a month or so, since he would be able to give the Pokemon's insight as to what could be done to make the area even better for the injured to recover in. N had wholeheartedly agreed - not only would he have a chance to stay out in the fresh air while looking after Pokemon, but he would be staying with the only person he had ever heard of that actually cared for the world's Pokemon and looked after them.

As far as N could see, Lusamine was different from other humans; she put her heart and soul into protecting Pokemon, rather than abusing them as any other trainer would. And that made N feel almost obliged to help with her cause.
While he had been sent to this part of Aether Paradise, Ghetsis had stayed with Lusamine a little longer to discuss certain other developments that N wasn't particularly bothered about.
He finally reached the mansion, where he had been told he was going to stay for a while. The house was beautiful, with gold lacing the white that this entire island seemed to be bleached in. When he gently pushed on the door to check if it was locked, to his surprise, it gave way without much effort. That was slightly confusing to him - wouldn't Lusamine want to make sure her house was safe by locking the door while she was still working?

He shrugged it off. After all, it wasn't much to worry about. The inside of the house was unsurprisingly grand. It reminded him slightly of his home back in Unova, except more modern and bleached white. Two staircases lined the back wall, both of them presumably leading to the upstairs layer of the building. N followed one of them to search for the bedroom area.

Lost in thought as he climbed the staircase, he suddenly paused on the top step as he heard a small gasp. There in front of him was a young girl, aged around eight, staring at him with emerald-green eyes in shock. The girl had the same bleach-blonde hair as Lusamine, only shorter, and she wore a sleeveless white dress that reached her knees. Still panicked, the girl formed a sentence.

"Who are you?"

N, who hadn't been expecting another person in the mansion either, frowned.

"My actual name is really long, but you can call me N. But I want to know-"

The girl interrupted him. "Sorry for cutting into your sentence, but you're speaking too fast for me to understand. Could you please talk a little more slowly?"

N paused, already bemused by the conversation, before nodding. "I never realised I did that, but I can try. As I was saying, my name's really long, so you can call me N. I have a question for you, too - who are you? I'm staying at this mansion for a while, but Lusamine never mentioned someone else staying in this building with her."

The girl, who had calmed down considerably after the initial shock, straightened up and tried to look more formal. "Uh, my name is Lillie. I'm probably going to surprise you with this statement, but I'm Lusamine's daughter."

Lillie's prediction was correct - N hadn't been expecting that response. "What? If you're related to Lusamine, then surely she would've mentioned something about you to me."

To surprise N further, Lillie didn't appear too shocked by this. "Well, me and my brother live here too. As for you, why does Lusamine want you here?"

"Well," N told her, "I'm going to be helping out for a small amount of time around the conservation area, so I'm staying in this building whenever I need to sleep. I'll explain a little more about what I'm doing later though, since it's a long story."

With Lillie now considerably reassured that she was safe for now, she turned to one of the other doors. "Mind if I tell my brother that you're here?"

N shrugged. "Sure." However, as Lillie went to knock on the bedroom door, N asked her another question. "Do you know why your mother didn't mention you to me?"

Lillie hesitated before giving her answer. "It's kind of a long story too, just like yours. I can explain later." She reached the door, and gave it a sharp knock before raising her voice. "Gladion! We've got company!"

From the other side came a muffled reply. "Lillie, since when did we ever get company here?"

"I'm not kidding, Gladion. Someone else is here, and in order to be polite you have to say hello!"

N could hear a faint groan, but then after a few moments the door opened. Within the doorway stood a boy with hair of the same colour as his other relatives. His fringe covered up one of his eyes, the other eye glaring out in annoyance. His clothes were a stark contrast to everything else in Aether Paradise, however - he wore a pitch black hoodie and trousers of the same colour, and around his waist was a blood-red belt with a small bag attached. When he saw N, a look of surprise flashed over his face, before he scowled. "Who are you? And why are you here?"

Before N had a chance to reply, Lillie sighed at her brother. "Gladion, that's not how you greet people! At least look a little kinder!"

"It's fine," N told them quickly. "You don't need to argue about this. I'm not too concerned about people greeting me politely."

Lillie looked at him in confusion, as though she had never met someone who simply spoke casually before, before shrugging. "Well, I guess if you don't mind, I'll let you talk."

N smiled. "Thanks." He turned to Gladion. "Since my name is really long, you can just call me N. I'm here to help the Aether Foundation out in the conservation area. I'll be staying in this house with my father, as well as you two and Lusamine."

Gladion's glare softened, but didn't disappear entirely. "How do I know you're saying the truth?"

Lillie butted in once again. "Oh, come on Gladion! Nobody ever comes to Aether Paradise beyond the workers, so if someone new is here the odds are you can trust them!" Her brother hesitated and thought about what she said for a moment, before nodding and calming down considerably. "I guess you have a point."

He turned to N. "But you're going to have to explain a lot about yourself, N. I still don't entirely trust you."
===============

 

[Chibi Pika]

Well this story involves several of my favorite characters, so I’m already interested!

It looks like you’ve gone with a pretty different style in this fic as compared to Tano Platinum. Then again, that does make sense, as this fic already has a much grander setting and a canonically eloquent protagonist. Sometimes you tend to get a little too wordy and indirect with the narration, though:

The way the beaming sun was uninterrupted by clouds in the Alola region caused the overwhelming quantity of white concrete, bricks and metal that the island was made up of to glow brightly, in an almost blinding way.

"Was uninterrupted" and "was made up of" just kind of bog the sentence down, imo. I'd trim it down to something along the lines of: "The sun beamed down through the cloudless Alola sky, causing the overwhelming amount of white concrete, bricks and metal that made up the island to glow blindingly bright." See how both instances of "was" get removed and the sentence feels a bit more to the point as a result?

It also happens with the dialogue sometimes, although tronically, I don’t think I’d mind it in N’s dialogue, since he talks so fast, I’d almost expect things to be overly complex in their wording.

When he saw N, a look of surprise flashed over his face, before he scowled. "Who are you? And why are you here?"

Ah Gladion, pleasant as always. Lillie has a point though--how on earth would an intruder even get into their house without going through all the Aether staff? xD

It’s interesting how this story might tie into some of the sentiments expressed by Lillie in Sun/Moon itself. Namely the fact that in the early game she is averse to Pokémon battling because she hates seeing Pokémon get hurt. I wouldn’t be surprised if some of that was thanks to N’s influence.

Anyway, this looks like it could be a fun character piece. I’ll probably keep my eyes on it!

~Chibi~;249;;448;

 

[Nerdy McNerdface]

Well this story involves several of my favorite characters, so I’m already interested!

One of the reasons why I wrote it was because it'd be a trio of characters I love

It looks like you’ve gone with a pretty different style in this fic as compared to Tano Platinum. Then again, that does make sense, as this fic already has a much grander setting and a canonically eloquent protagonist.

I went with a different style not just for the grander setting, but a hope for a genre shift and a smaller fic overall. It's more of a platonic bonds and mentor figure thing than a JourneyFic, so yeah.

Sometimes you tend to get a little too wordy and indirect with the narration, though:

"Was uninterrupted" and "was made up of" just kind of bog the sentence down, imo. I'd trim it down to something along the lines of: "The sun beamed down through the cloudless Alola sky, causing the overwhelming amount of white concrete, bricks and metal that made up the island to glow blindingly bright." See how both instances of "was" get removed and the sentence feels a bit more to the point as a result?

I can see what you mean there. I tend to go a little too far in my narration sometimes, so thanks for pointing it out here! I'll try to cut down on the elaborate features from here on out.

It also happens with the dialogue sometimes, although tronically, I don’t think I’d mind it in N’s dialogue, since he talks so fast, I’d almost expect things to be overly complex in their wording.

I did take a little inspiration of N's dialogue from how wordy he is in-game. He does often spout out lots of inspirational quotes, long words and deep stuff at lightning speed, so I'm trying my best to reflect on that.

Ah Gladion, pleasant as always. Lillie has a point though--how on earth would an intruder even get into their house without going through all the Aether staff? xD

I put Gladion's reaction as paranoia at seeing such an eccentric person stumble inside his mansion, thus making his over-protective brother senses kick in

It’s interesting how this story might tie into some of the sentiments expressed by Lillie in Sun/Moon itself. Namely the fact that in the early game she is averse to Pokémon battling because she hates seeing Pokémon get hurt. I wouldn’t be surprised if some of that was thanks to N’s influence.

That was actually one of the initial ideas that set me up to write this!

Anyway, this looks like it could be a fun character piece. I’ll probably keep my eyes on it!

~Chibi~;249;;448;

Cool! I hope it lives up to your expectations.

 

[Nerdy McNerdface]

Hey woah wow it's been ages since I've uploaded in this! I didn't have much motivation to write it, but then TikTok13 said that I should write more of it. So here I am! It was kinda difficult, and the part as far as I can see is shorter than the last (I think), but I hope it still floats your boat. It was kinda tough to do the characterisation, but I'll let you judge how good it is. Anyway, here we go!

Side note: at one point I refer to "the first floor". Since I'm in the UK, that refers to the upper floor, not the ground floor. Just clarifying!

Part 2

Day 1 Mid Evening

"So where are you from?"

The two shining emerald eyes belonging to Lillie stared at N, willing to start up the conversation that him, her and Gladion all needed to have together. Lillie and N both resided next to each other on an extremely comfortable sofa within the mansion's first-floor living room, while Gladion himself was standing up beside them with his arms crossed, not willing to trust the stranger who had just wandered into his house without him even being aware of the plan.

N gave a soft smile. "I've lived in the Unova region all my life. Do you know where that is? It's rather far away from here."

Lillie nodded. "I've read multiple books on the geography of the world, and Unova is said to be the most urban region of all. I wouldn't know about how urban the Alola region is, though, since I've never left this island."

N titled his head slightly. "Oh, have you not? That seems rather strange, especially since this foundation relies on being able to travel to the other islands within this region."

Gladion gave N his reply. "I don't know about Lillie, but I've been wanting to go out to the islands for a while now. They seem like a fun place to explore, and it'd definitely be better than seeing nothing but bleached concrete and the ocean on the horizon all day, every day. But I've never had the time nor the intent to ask our mother."

Now N was more confused. Why wouldn't they? "Why don't you try to ask Lusamine? Even if I'm refused an offer by my father, I would at least try to ask him."

Lillie made to give an answer, but Gladion interjected. "Do you really think we'd spill our life stories when I'm still suspicious of you? Tell us what you're doing here and then we'll give an answer to your question."

"Gladion!" Lillie cried out in exasperation, rolling her eyes. "I think he's perfectly ok to talk to! If he was planning on doing something bad, he would've done it by now."

At this point, N was surprised at how much the two siblings argued. Back at home, he couldn't recall a single time when he had quarrelled with Anthea and Concordia. Maybe these two were a special case. Or maybe he was the special case. He couldn't be sure due to the lack of seeing any other sibling relationships before today. Either way, he felt like he should calm down the two children. "It's perfectly fine! I can explain what I'm doing here first, I don't mind. I'll even try to talk more slowly so you understand me better."

Lillie paused, before nodding slowly with an accepting look in her eyes, while Gladion flashed a tiny smile to himself. N continued. "So, I've come to this foundation to help out in the conservation area. My father, Ghetsis, made a deal with your mother, Lusamine, that I come here to help due to something which apparently is unique to me."

Both of the siblings appeared to become considerably more interested when that statement arose. While Lillie's facial expression perked up, Gladion uncrossed his arms and changed his tone from hostility to intrigue. "'Unique', huh?"

N nodded in agreement. "Unless you can understand the voices of Pokemon too."

After the events of earlier on today, N wasn't surprised to see both of the sibling's eyes widen in curiosity. He used to think that having such an ability was the norm, but this trip outside was proving him otherwise.

Gladion recrossed his arms. "That can't be true. How could someone actually do that? I'm struggling to believe you."

This statement garnered another glare from his sister and a stern tone with her reply. "Seriously, Gladion? You don't need to be wary. If this guy was gonna do anything bad, he would at least try to make a more mundane story." She turned back to N. "I believe you, and that sounds awesome! How did you get that ability?"

N shrugged, brushing his long, green hair away from his face as he spoke. "As far as I can remember, it was because when I was an extremely young child, I lived out in the forest with Pokemon. Since the Pokemon around me spoke in their language instead of English, I grew to understand that instead. That was before Ghetsis took me in as his own."

While Gladion seemed moderately interested in the story N was telling, if a little sceptical of it, Lillie's eyes were filled with wonder. "So that man you mentioned earlier... he isn't your father?"

N nodded. "Yes, basically. He's more of an adoptive father, but I have to thank him considerably. He had adopted two more girls a few years older than me named Anthea and Concordia, and the two of them taught me how to speak English, how to solve equations and so on. He himself only stepped into the education for one subject, but said subject is one that I value beyond any other."

Gladion, who seemed to have loosened up just a little about the new arrival, raised an eyebrow. "And what subject would that be?"

Both siblings were surprised at the sudden tone change. "The ethics of Pokemon training... and how humans have abused them over the years. How it is cruel for Pokemon to be made to battle because of such a race, and how they are doomed to be encased within the harsh interior of a Poke Ball their entire life. This place where we are now... it's the only place I've heard of that protects and looks after Pokemon, rather than abuse them or continue to cage them within prisons."

He ended his sentence, and looked at Lillie and Gladion. Both of them, to his surprise, seemed more confused than anything else. The younger girl was the first to reply. "Huh? But the employees-"

She was cut off sharply by her brother, although N wasn't quite sure as to why. "Lillie, I don't think you need to mention that right now."

An exasperated response. "But why, Gladion? Can't we jus-"

He cut her off yet again. "We can talk about it some other time, ok? Just not right now."

"Fine then." Lillie obliged, but still rolled her eyes anyway. As Gladion turned back to N, he sighed, although whether it was concerning his sister or something else that he was unaware of, he didn't know. "So, I assume that the whole Pokemon-understanding ability is gonna be used to understand why a Pokemon is injured, and what can be done to help expand on the conservation area, right? I overheard our mother mentioning something about wanting the place to improve a few weeks ago, so I guess she found someone who could see what the Pokemon want too."

"Yes." While N was perfectly content answering, he couldn't help but think it was strange how the boy had suddenly become so trusting of him, but he assumed it was due to simply convincing him that he was who he said he was. Gladion nodded. "Ok. So-"

He froze mid-sentence, as did Lillie an N. All three were sure they all heard it. N was the first to break the sudden silence. "Was that your mother entering the door?"

Lillie and Gladion were silent, before Gladion answered. "Most likely. Arceus, I didn't realise how the time went so fast. Our mother doesn't approve of us staying up late, although I'm not sure why, but it means that we're gonna have to go right now to sleep. Sorry to cut off this conversation, but Lusamine won't be happy with us if she finds us in here at this hour."

And with that, Gladion grabbed Lillie's hand. "Come on, Lillie. We'll continue talking soon, don't worry."

Lillie seemed disappointed, but understood what her brother was referring to and nodded. The two of them both rushed to the door together, before Lillie turned back to N. "Goodnight, by the way."

"Goodnight to you too." N smiled warmly at the siblings as they left. While he sat within the sofa, however, he immediately realised that there was nothing to do among the sudden silence. He shrugged, and decided that he might was well go to his room too.

Outside the living room door, Gladion spoke in a quick, hushed voice to Lillie. "Tonight, would it be too much to ask you to try and stay awake? I want to talk to you about something."

Lillie replied in a whisper. "I don't mind, but what about?"

Gladion shook his head. "I'll tell you later, just get to your room for now."

=================

Day 1 Late Night

Lillie lay awake within the bedsheets surrounding her, waiting for Gladion to enter her room. She had left the door unlocked, although her lamp was still left off so her mother wouldn't be too suspicious of her should she check to see if the girl was still asleep.

The silence felt somewhat comforting to Lillie. While her brother and Wicke were both perfectly kind people, they couldn't overshadow how nervous she was of Lusamine. The words that Gladion and Wicke gave her as a form of comfort did somewhat help, but Lillie preferred not being reminded of who she was forced to live with. And the silence never pressed the matter, and that made her feel safe and calm. She just hoped that whatever her older brother wanted to discuss tonight wasn't anything concerning her only present parent.

The faintest creaking sound caused the silence to fade away, as a dim light poured into the bedroom. Gladion, who was holding the torch creating this light, carefully allowed the door to shut behind him, before heading over to Lillie's bed. "Hey... you awake?"

His sister nodded, replying as soundly as she could. "Yeah. You can just sit down at the end of the bed."

Gladion did as she asked, before Lillie forced herself to sit up beside him. "So, what did you want to tell me?"

Gladion's tone turned serious. "I don't like what's going on around here."

"Huh? You mean with that N guy?"

"Yeah. I feel like I can believe what he says, but... you heard his tone when he talked about Pokemon ethics, right?"

Lillie nodded. "Uh huh. What about it?"

Gladion shined the torch up so that the room was more well-lit and the two siblings could see each other's faces, before he replied. "That tone wasn't just implying he was someone who is passionate about Pokemon being free from Poke Balls. It sounded dangerous, like he wouldn't let anyone near him even own a Pokemon without trying to take it off them. That's why I stopped you from mentioning that the employees all carry Pokemon themselves. I don't know if my gut feeling is correct, but... I just wanted to make sure that you were safe. I'm not denying that he's telling the truth, but... just make sure that you keep an eye on your words, ok?"

Lillie sat in silence for a moment, a somewhat nervous expression on her face. "Ok, Gladion."

"Good." Gladion made to leave the room. However, the moment he tried to stand up, he felt a warm embrace surround him. "Gladion? Could you just stay here with me a little bit longer? Not for too long in case mother spots us, but just for something like five minutes."

Gladion stared down at his younger sister, but nodded, relaxing back into the bed and returning the hug. "Of course."

 

[TikTok13]

As you know, I haven't played Sun/Moon, so I don't know much about Lillie or Gladion, but I have to say, you've really made me like the latter. His suspicious personality really fits with the Fic! I like it! N seems a teeny bit too casual, as he's perceived as relatively serious in the games, but that hardly impacts your writing, if at all.

I'm looking forward to how you continue this, as the plot already seems to be rather thick and engaging. Hoping for more of Ghetsis! Thumbs up from me!

 

[Nerdy McNerdface]

As you know, I haven't played Sun/Moon, so I don't know much about Lillie or Gladion, but I have to say, you've really made me like the latter. His suspicious personality really fits with the Fic! I like it!

Thanks! FYI in the games Gladion's just a massive edgelord who cares deeply for his sister and isn't too trusting of people he doesn't already know, so that's what I tried to capture.

N seems a teeny bit too casual, as he's perceived as relatively serious in the games, but that hardly impacts your writing, if at all.

Good to know. I personally perceived N as a character who became serious when he had Pokemon liberation on his mind (which is like, all of BW), but would become more casual when he didn't. At least it doesn't burden the fic too much for you.

I'm looking forward to how you continue this, as the plot already seems to be rather thick and engaging.

Great! I hope I can live up to how it's going so far.

Hoping for more of Ghetsis! Thumbs up from me!

Oh, there's gonna be more Ghetsis, I swear.

 

[ZeroGravity]

Hello. I am rather new to this site, and your fic is the first I've read in full. I just would like to point out that your characterizations of Lillie, N, and Gladion are spot on, and I especially enjoy the interactions between N and Gladion. It seems very natural and flows well. I am eager to read more of your story, once you post it~

If there's any criticism to be had, it's that I think the story can use just the tiniest bit more detail. But that's just my smelly old opinion. <3

 

[JX Valentine]

Well, this is an adorable fic so far.

At first, though, I wasn't quite sure what to make of it, I admit, and that was largely because some of the dialogue felt a little on the stilted side to me. (N's in particular. For example, the part where he introduces himself to Lillie felt really rehearsed, partly because his introductions are identical and partly because who explains why they have a nickname when giving it to someone, you know?) That and, well, given that N references the fact that Lusamine failed to tell him she has children, it feels a little awkward that it's just summarized in a paragraph.

But! Past the first chapter, the fic feels like it's settling into its purpose and hitting its stride. The relationships between N and the children are, of course, fascinating, with Lillie being so very open and curious and Gladion being hilariously true to canon both protective of his sister and skeptical of N at the same time. Gladion is especially interesting, not only because he's currently the foremost source of conflict but also because it's just fun to see someone analyzing N's every move. I mean, sure, Lillie is adorable in her naivete and her willingness to take things at face value, but Gladion is like some kind of chess player, constantly analyzing the situation for any potential dangers. (I loved the bit where he stops Lillie from sharing the fact that Foundation employees carry poké balls with N. Sure, he's right in saying that would have been dangerous, given N's apparent passion, but given how young Gladion was when he left the Foundation, this says a lot about his intelligence.)

I think, though, what will be the most fascinating about this fic is the fact that you have a definite ending already. We know about N's crowning, Gladion's discovery of Type: Null, and the events of both their respective gens. So it'll be interesting to see how you connect this with canon—how you maintain N's alien-like fascination with humanity (as in, his tendency to see humans like an alien would in BW), as well as Lillie's sheltered nature and Gladion's growing ... Gladion-ness while at the same time building a relationship between all three. In short, this should be fun to watch.

 

[Nerdy McNerdface]

Hello. I am rather new to this site,

Well, welcome to the forums! I hope you enjoy your stay here.

and your fic is the first I've read in full.

Really? I feel somewhat honoured about that :3

I just would like to point out that your characterizations of Lillie, N, and Gladion are spot on, and I especially enjoy the interactions between N and Gladion.

Awesome! I'm glad I'm getting my characterisation well, since it's one of the things I care most about when writing.

It seems very natural and flows well.

I'm glad that it's like that. I actually remember writing a small section then scratching it and rewriting it because I felt it wasn't in character or natural, so it's good that it paid off!

I am eager to read more of your story, once you post it~

Awesome! I don't know when I'll next update it, but feel free to check out some other fics in the meantime. If you think this one is good, some of the ones that other users write are gonna be amazing.

If there's any criticism to be had, it's that I think the story can use just the tiniest bit more detail. But that's just my smelly old opinion. <3

It's an opinion that's worth registering though - after all, reviews are collections of people's opinions on a certain thing. I'll be sure to bear that in mind when writing in future!

Well, this is an adorable fic so far.

Well in that case you're gonna be in for one hell of a ride later

At first, though, I wasn't quite sure what to make of it, I admit, and that was largely because some of the dialogue felt a little on the stilted side to me. (N's in particular. For example, the part where he introduces himself to Lillie felt really rehearsed, partly because his introductions are identical and partly because who explains why they have a nickname when giving it to someone, you know?) That and, well, given that N references the fact that Lusamine failed to tell him she has children, it feels a little awkward that it's just summarized in a paragraph.

I can see where you're coming from in both of these first points. I wrote the first chapter back when I wasn't extremely familiar with fic writing beyond JourneyFics and Shipping Fics so I was quite inexperienced. If I ever rewrite this (which I might if I can one day be bothered), I'll bear that in mind.

But! Past the first chapter, the fic feels like it's settling into its purpose and hitting its stride. The relationships between N and the children are, of course, fascinating, with Lillie being so very open and curious and Gladion being hilariously true to canon both protective of his sister and skeptical of N at the same time.

I'm glad that their relationships are all good to you. I wasn't entirely sure how well I was doing it (even to the point where I rewrote a couple of parts), but I'm happy that those rewrites were worth the time!

Gladion is especially interesting, not only because he's currently the foremost source of conflict but also because it's just fun to see someone analyzing N's every move.

Heck, it was fun writing it. If it's fun reading it too, then something's gotta be going right, right? Seriously though, I feel like that's how Gladion would act in a such a situation considering how he's such a big brother figure to Lillie and probably hasn't left the Aether island in all his life (and thus would make sure she's safe and be extremely paranoid of outsiders at the same time).

I mean, sure, Lillie is adorable in her naivete and her willingness to take things at face value, but Gladion is like some kind of chess player, constantly analyzing the situation for any potential dangers. (I loved the bit where he stops Lillie from sharing the fact that Foundation employees carry poké balls with N. Sure, he's right in saying that would have been dangerous, given N's apparent passion, but given how young Gladion was when he left the Foundation, this says a lot about his intelligence.)

Gladion did seem like one if the most intelligent characters in Pokemon Sun and Moon - his initiative when Lillie is kidnapped, the fact that he had somehow successfully stolen a Type:Null as a child and so on. Considering he ran away three years after this fic takes place, I'd think that he wouldn't gain all that intellect within such a small time frame. That's kinda what I wanted to show here.

I think, though, what will be the most fascinating about this fic is the fact that you have a definite ending already. We know about N's crowning, Gladion's discovery of Type: Null, and the events of both their respective gens. So it'll be interesting to see how you connect this with canon—how you maintain N's alien-like fascination with humanity (as in, his tendency to see humans like an alien would in BW), as well as Lillie's sheltered nature and Gladion's growing ... Gladion-ness while at the same time building a relationship between all three. In short, this should be fun to watch.

I have an interesting idea for how the fic is gonna end while still maintaining the flow from my work into canon works. I'm happy that you're looking forward to it!

 

[PhalanxSigil]

Okay, first thing, there's just a quick little correction (or suggestion, really) that I have with grammar.

The two shining emerald eyes belonging to Lillie stared at N

This can be shortened pretty easily to something like, "Lillie stared at N with her shining emerald eyes," or "Lillie's shining emerald eyes stared at N," to make it a little less wordy, you know?

But other than that, damn, this got me invested pretty quickly. I like this sort of Elseworlds thing that introduces a new wrinkle into already established canon, and to be quite frank, I'm surprised no one else has thought to do something like this. N and Lusamine (pre-possession) do seem to have weirdly similar sets of values, especially in terms of protecting pokémon at all costs, so to see the two sets of ideals put together is intriguing to say the least.

Also, I know that a couple of previous reviewers mentioned that N's dialogue felt a little stilted, but I actually think that works to the benefit of his character. Remember, he hasn't had a whole lot of interaction with people or the outside world, so it actually makes a ton of sense as to why his introductions and dialogue seems rehearsed. Also, Gladion is the best paranoid big brother that Lillie could ask for. I like how he keeps his stubborn streak from the games, and although it felt a little one-note at first, the latest scene you wrote definitely helped with his characterization.

If there's one thing I could complain about right now, it's something similar to what some reviewers have already mentioned: there's a bit of a lack of detail or world-building. Now, I understand that this is a location that is seen in the games, but a little bit of description for how you see those places would definitely help a little.

Other than that, I'm sold! I look forward to any future updates you may have on this story, and I hope to see more in the near future.

-Phalanx, out.

 

[Nerdy McNerdface]

Okay, first thing, there's just a quick little correction (or suggestion, really) that I have with grammar.



This can be shortened pretty easily to something like, "Lillie stared at N with her shining emerald eyes," or "Lillie's shining emerald eyes stared at N," to make it a little less wordy, you know?

Yep, I can kinda see that. Yet again, my abundance of words in strange places has befallen me... seriously though, thanks for a that little bit of advice!

But other than that, damn, this got me invested pretty quickly. I like this sort of Elseworlds thing that introduces a new wrinkle into already established canon, and to be quite frank, I'm surprised no one else has thought to do something like this. N and Lusamine (pre-possession) do seem to have weirdly similar sets of values, especially in terms of protecting pokémon at all costs, so to see the two sets of ideals put together is intriguing to say the least.

Well, that's kind of why I began writing it!

Also, I know that a couple of previous reviewers mentioned that N's dialogue felt a little stilted, but I actually think that works to the benefit of his character. Remember, he hasn't had a whole lot of interaction with people or the outside world, so it actually makes a ton of sense as to why his introductions and dialogue seems rehearsed.

Does it? Well, that's... actually kind of awesome that you like that!

Also, Gladion is the best paranoid big brother that Lillie could ask for. I like how he keeps his stubborn streak from the games, and although it felt a little one-note at first, the latest scene you wrote definitely helped with his characterization.

It appears that the thing most people seem to like in this fic is Gladion's characterisation, so I'm glad it works!

If there's one thing I could complain about right now, it's something similar to what some reviewers have already mentioned: there's a bit of a lack of detail or world-building. Now, I understand that this is a location that is seen in the games, but a little bit of description for how you see those places would definitely help a little.

I'm hoping to do a little more on that in the next chapter. Thanks for the feedback!

Other than that, I'm sold! I look forward to any future updates you may have on this story, and I hope to see more in the near future.

-Phalanx, out.

Awesome! I'm happy you like it.

 

[Negrek]

This is a cool premise! I hadn't thought of N in connection with the Aether Foundation, but as you present it here, it really does make sense: supposedly the whole point of the Aether Foundation is to defend and rehabilitate pokémon, and that's exactly the kind of thing N would be interested in. Truth be told, I'd be interested in seeing more of the interaction between Ghetsis and Lusamine--those two could be terrifying if they teamed up together! And they could totally bond over how awful they are to their children. >_>

But enough of that! The kids!

I like your characterization of N, in particular how he admires Lusamine, thinking she's one of the rare good humans in the world, and how much he digs the Aether Foundation and its goals. It's so totally wrong, but at the same time it makes such perfect sense that with where he is in life and with what he's seen of Aether, of course that's what his reaction would be. And it'll be so cool to watch him interact with Gladion and Lillie and slowly learn what's really up, have his worldview broadened a bit. I'm kind of surprised he's surprised the other two have never left Aether Paradise--hasn't he basically been shut up in Plasma's castle his entire life?

Gladion's great, too, all prickly and untrusting and not at all enthusiastic to have this weird kid showing up in his home. I wasn't as sure about how he seemed to be opening up to N as quickly as he was, but it made more sense when he revealed that he was acting that way because he didn't want to set N off. It'll be fun to watch him, too, get over his reservations about N and open up a little. Lillie's the only one who I don't get as good a read on at this point; she's obviously a bit naive and friendlier than her brother, but she has probably the mildest personality of the bunch, and it's less clear what she's going to get out of her friendship with N. The little details about how terrified of her mother she is are intriguing--I wonder whether something more might come of that.

As some people have mentioned, your dialogue does get a little clunky at times. I think this is fine for N, since he's super sheltered and not used to talking to people; he would run towards the awkward, I think. But other characters have that problem, too. This line from Lusamine stood out to me in particular:

"Are these the people who I'm supposed to be having a talk with about our foundation? I came down since I'd heard I was going to have a meeting today, and I chose that I would greet them personally before heading up to the conservation area."

She's... announcing why she came down the stairs? This seems like she's stating the incredibly obvious.

Another thing you might want to consider is your emotional description. You'll sometimes mention that a character looked or felt a certain way, like in these sentences:

Gladion, who seemed to have loosened up just a little about the new arrival, raised an eyebrow.

While Gladion seemed moderately interested in the story N was telling, if a little sceptical of it, Lillie's eyes were filled with wonder.

Both of them, to his surprise, seemed more confused than anything else.

Gladion "seemed to have loosened up a bit" or "seemed moderately interested," or the siblings "seemed more confused than anything." But how can N tell? What indicates that Gladion's interested? How do they react in surprise? Perhaps Gladion's sitting a little straighter instead of putting on a disaffected slouch, or the two of them are giving each other "what is this weirdo on about?" looks from the corners of their eyes. Regardless, giving more concrete details of what exactly the characters are doing, how exactly they look, rather than summing up by saying "they looked confused" or whatever, makes your story more immersive and opens up more opportunities for characterization and nuance. Just something to consider in future chapters.

Also, as you might be able to tell from the excerpts, you could dial it back on using "seemed" a little bit, too.

This looks like a cool premise, but it's like you cut off right before things really got rolling! Hope you're still working on this, but one way or another, good luck with your writing. It looks like you've definitely got a lot of projects you're working on at the moment, heh.

 

[Chibi Pika]

Finally read the second chapter today!

There are a lot of reasons why I think this chapter is a lot better than the first. For starters, the description was a lot less rambly than the first chapter (though the point Negrek made about being more direct with describing character reactions is a good one). Second, we got to see a lot more personality from the characters! Gladion is, of course, the standout, in all his delightfully suspicious and skeptical self. I actually really like the fact that you had him feign being more friendly towards N the moment that he realized that he needed to be extremely careful as far as Pokemon rights are concerned. And then there's the way that Lillie is already terrified of Lusamine, and the comfort she seeks in her brother (and that sadorable scene at the end), and the way you just know how it's gonna break her heart when he leaves Aether Paradise eventually.

But man. N's gonna have to discover that Aether uses Pokemon eventually. I can only imagine the drama that's gonna entail...

~Chibi~;249;;448;