caislin pokemon trainer

[umbre0n 23]

CHAPTER1 THE INTRO


A boy named Caislin(thats me and its prenounced cash-lin)went to get berries in the wild for his beloved pokemon a male eevee named Mystery.
It was extremely hungry back home wobbling shaking trying to show it needed food."Oh man i gotta find berries really bad for mystery, come-on where are they?!?"I said whispering to myself turning to a shout.Finally he found one , with the other two or three he had he put it with them.
"Aha, I think I should be hunting caterpies right now!"i said with a sound of idea and interest.Then an wrinkly voice said"Get outta my lawn you crazy kids!!"and so i replied happily with much cheer in my voice"This isn't your lawn old man!"It was sort of rude but atleast I said it ti the old man who throws beer bottles at cars that pass by and people walking by.


Once he even let his four rapid mightyanas loose, wich probably only eat the people they catch,just because someone stepped on his lawn by accident who was walking by and being carefull.It was on the news and i think that old man got four months in the big house for it.Well anyways back to me.I proceeded walking through the tall shaggy grass of the meadow when I stopped.I once again heard that old mans crinkly demanding voice shout"you don't get out i guess you get what you deserve now!!!"then i heard a gate open."Oh crapola."I said and then started running.


I heard the steps of big mighteyanas running and then i heard the old mans voice one more time before i fainted of fright"sick em boys!ahaha!"Then i fell to the ground barely noticing my head hit a rock.three hours passed by before I awoke on the couch of someones house i had never been to before.I got up and said politely"hello, is anyone there?" "hi!" said the voice of a girl my age."where am I?"i said then she replied"I dont know im robbing it."

 

[Astinus]

When I pasted this into Microsoft Word, nearly every word was underlined in red. Which means that there was some sort of error. I really have no time to point out everything, as you should see them yourself if you done what Dias had said in your closed fic.

You don't have proper spacing in between sentences. At least one space is needed between the ending punctuation of one sentence, and the first word of the next.

Always capitialize the pronoun "I." Same with proper nouns. And the first letter of the first word of a sentence.

I really don't get what's going on in this fic, due to a lack of description. Nothing really makes any sense to me here.

I really suggest that you read some five-star fics, read the stickies, and get a proof-reader. Or at least don't type your fic in a reply box. -_-

 

[Deathborn_606]

Yeah type the fic out on Notepad or wordpad and make chapters that take you around a day to complete to find spelling mistakes and to make a better story at the same time.

 

[Dias]

I do believe in your last attempt I told you to pelase read the rules, regulations, advice, and look around at some other fics to get a good feel for format and such. You added capitalization and punctuation, but overall nothing majorly impoved. It's still too short by the forum standards and I assume you wrote it again in the forum reply box.

To make the fic longer, describe things in mdoerate detail. That will add length to your paragraphs and will protray scenes which the reader can picture in his or her head. I also suggest, as I'm going with the assumption that this is your first fanfiction, to write it in third person. First person can be tricky, even in the hands of more experienced authors. Actually, you switch point of views, which is a major problem. You can't go from "i did this" to "He did this" (well, in certain circumstances, you can, but those aren't present here).

I'm not closing this to be mean. You need to improve, at least in length, in order for this to meet the standard posting requirements of this forum. I advise you take my advice and heed my words this time, and actually wait before posting again. Open up a word processor, Word, Works, Notepad, Wordpad, whatever, and give it some time. Spend some time and put forth some good old effort into it. Perhaps it would be beneficial to go into the Author's Cafe and find some help, or at least a beta reader to read a chapter before you post it, so they can help you make correctionsd and give some early advice.