Cap'n Drake's Remarkable Adventures On The High Seas

[OokOokOok]

/Edit from ZF - Writer claims it's a rough draft which is why I moved it here.


Cap'n Drake's Remarkable Adventures On The High Seas [CDRAOHS for short] is about what Drake did before he joined the Hoenn Elite 4. Please don't flame,as this is my first slightly serious fic in existence.

Cap'n Drake's Remarkable Adventures On The High Seas
Chapter One: The Start Of The Voyage

No-one ever expected anything to come out of the young Drake. He was not a decent trainer, and flunked out of all his classes in school. He was amazingly still in school [and left] at the age of thirteen,when most trainers leave school at the age of nine. This amazing escape was only caused by a serious mistake made by the teachers - Drake's grades [all Fs] had been replaced with the grades of the best pupil in school,whose As and Bs would have spurred him on to victory. Drake left as soon as the results were announced,running at top speed out of the door,much to the teachers annoyance. Unfortunately,it was already twelve in the afternoon,so Prof. Birch had run out of Pokemon for the year. Birch,seeing Drake to be grealy downcast by this,promised to give him one the next day while he was reserching in Meteor Falls. Instead of the extremely likely Aron,Birch [by chance] discovered a Bagon to catch and research. The next day,returning to Littleroot,he was reluctant to give such a rare Pokemon away to such a terrible trainer.But it was too late to go back on his promise. So he gave the rare Dragon type to Drake. Drake walked up to Oldale Town to start his quest,but ''accidently'' took a short ''detour'',and ended up in Slateport City. Walking through the market made Drake feel lost and - for the first time in his life - lonely. Surrounded by shops selling dolls and statboosting items with nothing familiar in sight,the unknown sense of loneliness decended on Drake. But suddenly,he appeared at a place he knew well. It was the Slateport Harbour,home of his second-favourite childhood hero,Captain Stern. He walked through the shipyard in total awe. He had seen many paintings and photos of it,but the real thing was even more amazing. Suddenly,a rough hand tapped him on the shoulder. Drake turned around and saw a sailor. The sailor was immensely fat,and was wearing a large brimmed hat covered with pictures of Wingull. He had what stubble all over his chin,and the remininents of his hair made it look as if he hired an angered Vigoroth as his personal barber. Two tattoos were on his body: one of a Kyogre on his right arm and one of a Lugia on the left. Later in life Drake would see this man as an important person,a man to look up to. But at that present time he saw the man as a low-life street punk. The man spoke. His voice sounded like a thousand violins playing wrong notes at the same time. This,as Drake would also discover later in life,was the voice of a man who gave instructions to his crew in a dangerous storm - it didn't matter what your voice sounded like,your instructions being recognized was far more important. Years and years of this philosophy had changed his voice for the worst. But the seven words the voice was about to utter would turn Drake's life around.
''Would you like to join our crew?''
Stay in Hoenn with his friends and family and defeat the Gym Challenge with Wyvern the Bagon? Or follow this mysterious man into unknown,life-risking voyages?
A real no-brainer.
Drake said yes.

 

[Zephyr Flare]

I direct you first to the below then the Fanfiction Rules and Advice for Aspiring Authors, mostly to avoid further giant textblocks nobody can actually read.


2) Tips on Composition.

Paragraphs: Use these as your basic unit of composition. Each paragraph should be used to set forth a single idea. If a paragraph seems to long, it probably contains multiple ideas, and should be split up for clarity. If it seems too short, expand on the idea.

Sentences: A sentence should contain exactly one action or statement of existence. If it contains more than one, split it into two or more. If it contains less than one, finish the sentence. Run-on sentences are often confusing, while fragments make the reader feel that something is missing.

Description: Make sure that your reader can visualize what is happening. Don't just say something like "Joe walked along enjoying the scenery". This gives no indication of whether the scenery he is enjoying is a redwood forest, a beach at sunset, or the Grand Canyon.

A description is not just a list of attributes. When describing a character, don't just list their name, age, height, weight, hair colour, and current pokemon team. Bring this information out gradually when the person appears in a story.

Don't have Joe meet a trainer named Fred who is 12 years old, has green eyes and red hair, is three and a half feet tall, and whose pokemon are squirtle, pikachu, butterfree, grimer, tauros, and krabby. Have Joe see a short, red-haired kid with startlingly green eyes, and talk to him. Have names mentioned early in the conversation. The pokemon may be either revealed in a battle, or introduced individually during the conversation.


3) Other General Advice

Plot: Try to be original. "Joe is 10 (or 11 or 12) years old and about to start his pokemon journey. He goes to Professor (insert tree here) and gets a (insert pokemon here)" has been done too many times already. "Joe is a 10-year-old from Pallet Town and about to start his pokemon journey. He accidentally sleeps in, and by the time he gets to Professor Oak's lab, all the starters have been taken, so he gets a Pikachu" is so old everyone is sick of it.

Try to be reasonable. A new trainer is not going to start with a legendary, or even rare, pokemon. The standard starter pokemon were selected for a reason: They are easy for professors to obtain whenever new trainers are about to start, they can be controlled by beginners, and with proper training, they can become quite powerful.

Likewise, it is extremely difficult, if not impossible, to catch any of the legendary pokemon. They are simply too powerful. If you have seen either of the movies, think about it. Mew or Mewtwo can deflect any attack you try with minimal effort.

Consider the scene in The Power of One where Ash's Pikachu (which has been known to defeat rock and ground types) meets Zapdos. Compare their relative power levels. Now think about how hard it would be to defeat Zapdos. This can be applied to any of the legendary pokemon. No trainer will have one unless it has a good reason to want to accompany that trainer.

Characters: Make your characters real. Give them strengths and weaknesses. Inherently superior trainers who win each battle effortlessly are boring. So are incompetent members of Team Rocket. So is the gym-leader-who-can't-stand-being-defeated. The stock "Rival" character is also getting old.

Whatever you do, don't just refer to people by labels from the GameBoy games (Rocket, Cooltrainer, Lass, Bug Catcher, etc). Remember that these are real people you are working with.

Spelling/Grammar: Write your story in a word-processing program. Use the spellchecker, but don't depend on it completely. It can tell whether your word matches the spelling of a real word, but it cannot tell whether it is the word you wanted to use.

Use grammar checkers with extreme care. They cannot actually understand what you are saying, and often make mistakes.



Sandra

 

[OokOokOok]

Thanks for the advice. This was more of a rough draft anyway.

 

[Yami Ryu]

Thanks for the advice. This was more of a rough draft anyway.

Then if you had the mind enough to READ THE RULES you would know LAME EXCUSES like that DON'T COUNT. If it's a rough draft, you save it in a word program and tinker with later. You don't try and use it as an excuse for poor workmanship. Sheesh.

 

[Zephyr Flare]

Damn it Yami :< But yeah seconded. If it is a rough draft, why the hell are you posting it? Coulda at least stuck it in Author's Cafe like I'm about to right now.

Sandra