Carry On, Blissey (PG-13)

[ChloboShoka]

Intensive Operation​

I had been concentrating very hard on Mr. Fierce's operation. Scarmony had set up the purification chamber that was fully recharged. I wish we used this machine over at the front in the pokémon centre, but the purification chamber was expensive. We were only allowed to use it on pokémon who had just had operations, where they'd be expected to be completely healed afterwards. Mr. Fierce's condition could get treated, but the disabilities would last for the rest of his life.

There will be help for him. Once a social worker speaks to Nurse Joy, Mr. Fierce may be moved to care home or put up for people to adopt on the GTS. They're all flawed systems, people don't want to adopt pokémon with the Hacked Syndrome and end up releasing them into the wild in a vulnerable state. It has a 5% chance of being inherited by pokémon who have the disorder.

In the theatre was myself, Spiritomb, Plum, Weeper and Scarmony. Scarmony had the hardest job out of all of us, especially with the barriers around his beak. They had to be there though. Skarmory was the steel bird of the pokémon world. Scarmony's peak was sharp, but the cap around his beak was there to prevent infection. Although being a steel type pokémon made him immune to poison, the pokémon he could be working with might not have the same privilege.

Any staff that go into theatre have to have a through showering after every operation. By the looks of all the bad eggs that Scarmony, Weeper and I were pulling out it was going to be a long wash for us all. Even a spiritomb or sableye with wonder gaurd would be required to have a shower. Pokémon reluctant against water would be hand washed, that policy started coming in when a charmander became a clinical support worker for the hospital.

Despite many bad eggs being removed, Mr. Fierce's kidney was cluttered with bad eggs. They had tried to form a honeycomb pattern. We managed to find the biggest bad egg that was fully developed had pierced a hole in his bladder.

Weeper trembled as he cut the underneath layers of bleeding fungus below the surface of the eggs with a razor leaf. Scarmony used his wing and beak to tear off all the bad eggs at once. He succeeded at all but the huge bad egg that rumbled and made churning sounds. It was the acid and cancerous cells reaching boiling point.

Plum rolled over the yellow bin and Scarmony disposed of the eggs. I was surprised that Spiritomb didn't really do anything other than observe the machines. Whenever I turned to look at him he never had his eyes on the tumours. I blew a pale ice beam onto the bleeding and areas with fungi in them. It would make Scarmony's job of removing the infected areas easier as the bad eggs can grow back if the fungus had not been removed. Without a word, Scarmony dragged the frozen fungi out of Mr. Fierce's body and into the clinical waste bin.

I'm not sure if the silence is a good thing or a bad thing. We seem to be silent, yet we're communicating at the same time. We're all fully focused on healing Mr. Fierce, but I've never experienced such silence in the theatre. It was just so awkward. I turned to face Spiritomb again and this time he gave me eye contact and a grin on his face.

"Good technique," Spiritomb told me. "I'd have never thought of freezing bad eggs out."

"Desperate times call for desperate measures," I said.

"There's only one left now," Weeper announced. "Do you think Mr. Fierce will survive?"

"The chances of survival are increasing with every tumour removed," Spiritomb announced.

Then it struck me. Spiritomb was the reason why everyone was so silent. His utter presence was enough to put them under pressure and try to hide the fact that they're not intimidated by his accurate predictions.

The last bad egg began to shake violently. Plum bent her knees and with panic in her voice screamed, "the tumours going to hatch! Should I give it sun spore, toxic or sleeping powder?"

"Neither," I replied. Sleeping powder would have been useless as Mr. Fierce is already asleep. Toxic would kill the egg, but the toxic would make the lingering parts of Hacked Syndrome worse. Stun Spore would go into the blood stream and stop the heart.

Burning was also an option, but none of us apart from Spiritomb were able to do it. Besides, the last time someone tried to burn a bad egg that patient died. It was far too risky.

If we cut the bad egg, it would make the process of hatching even quicker and the cancerous cells, infected blood and toxins chemicals would leak all over the body and the organs would erode.

Which left only one option: freeze it! Bad eggs loved areas with heat and acid and what better place to grow then in the body. Their worst enemy: ice. It kills the cells that are already inside and it freezes the entire tumour solid, which makes it much easier to remove and it won't hatch.

"Stand behind me everyone," I demanded. My eyes were fixed onto the fungus attached to the bad egg. I blew out ice beam and started at the bottom. Once the fungus was covered by a blanket of ice, I began to move my head up. The blanket of ice had turned into a block. I went to the other side of the bed to check that the tumour had been frozen from behind. The course was clear.

"Well done Matron," Spiritomb announced. "I never thought about freezing. Then again, I don't know how to freeze eggs so I just get it out and burn it."

I'm not sure if that was genuine praise or sarcasm. Surely he'd have know something about freezing bad eggs. I think I need to keep an eye on him. Short-term memory loss was a sign of many disorders. Judging by his family history, it could be the Hacked Syndrome or possibly dementia.

"Let's get this bad egg out," Scarmony announced. "We don't want the ice to thaw out." Scarmony flashed his right silver wing and slashed the ice away from the body with it's wing. Plum caught the ice and his arms shook. He ran to the clinical waste bin where he disposed of it with great relief.

"He's going to be fine," Spiritomb whispered into my ear. I smiled and looked up to Plum, Scarmony and Weeper. "Well done guys," Spiritomb added on my behalf. "I understand it's quite scary to operate on hacked pokémon, but I think you all did really well. Acted on impulse and worked as a team to save Mr. Fierce's life."

"You were all fantastic!" I agreed with Spiritomb. "What we need to do now is stitch everything back up, place him in the pokéball and put him into the purification chamber.

I marched to the sink, disposed of my gloves with the bin aside it, then washed my hands. I stripped of my blue cloak and hat and placed it inside the large red plastic bin where we put dirty clothes in. Everyone was still in the theatre when I left the room. I had a feeling that Spiritomb was going to take charge of the last moments of the operation.

The door I took an exit on lead a block of stairs that go down to the washing area. I expect Plum, Scarmony, Weeper and Spiritomb to follow my steps in 30 minutes. I opened the door and saw a lot of staff relaxing in the hot springs.

I went straight to the shower as I reached for the home-made shampoo and scrubbed as much as I could. Once more staff left the spring I would hop in for a bath, but there was too many pokémon in there. There was meant to be twelve at a time. It was worthless trying to tell them off though.

When all the bug pokémon left the spring, I hopped into the welcoming hot water with floating bubbles down below. Thank goodness, I thought. It was so relaxing I ended up floating around.

"Matron," an audino asked. "When are you going to see the patient in room 31?" I looked up and it was Sparkles. She must have been the same audino who called earlier. "She's very angry that we had to put her sleep because she was attacking staff."

"After I finished my bath," I replied. "I had an intense operation today."

"How's Mr. Fierce?" Sparkles asked. "I didn't see him in his room after I saw you."

"Yes. The operation was successful."

"That's good to hear." Sparkles turned towards Gardevoir who buried her head in her hands. "Things haven't turned out so well for us. The first patient Gardevoir saw. It was an elderly stantler that got hit by a car. It died before we could give it treatment."

Oh the poor girl. First patient she ever had ... dead. She's not the first nurse that it's happened to and it's not going to be the last either. I only took a brief look at the stantler they were talking about. I knew that it had a slim chance of survival, but it didn't stop Gardevoir and Sparkles trying to save it's life.

Gardevoir's uplifting words seemed to help Mr. Fierce. Although it was false hope in a sense. He was going to leave the hospital alive.

With that in mind, I swam over to Gardevoir. Tapping her shoulders I said, "Cheer up Gardevoir, we can't save lives with you crying in the bath all day."

"Am I good enough?" Gardevoir asked herself.

"Don't be so silly," I responded. "Of course you're good enough. You wouldn't be here if you wasn't good enough."

"You really think so?" Gardevoir's wet eyes looked up at me.

"Sure," Sparkles replied on my behalf. She looked up to me and said, "Maybe we should go into room 31 together?"

"Good idea," I said.

"So Mr. Fierce is going to get better?" Gardevoir asked. I nodded and Gardevoir quickly wiped her eyes and stopped crying. "So who's in room 31?"

"One of the legendary ones," Sparkles replied. "She requested that her identity was to be kept secret. There are some escavaliers and Maine guarding her room."

I had a very good idea who this patient was.

 

[Sid87]

Mr. Fierce's condition could get treated, but he would be crippled with disabilities for the rest of his life.

"Crippled" is an antiquated medical term. It's not used in a professional sense anymore. Just an FYI.

In the theatre was myself, Spiritomb, Plum, Weeper and Scarmony. Scarmony had the hardest job out of all of us, especially with the barriers around his beak. They had to be there though. Skarmory was the steel bird of the pokémon world. Scarmony's peak was sharp, but the cap around his beak was there to prevent infection. Although being a steel type pokémon made him immune to poison, the pokémon he could be working with might not have the same privilege.

This gave me a funny image of Scarmony sterilizing his beak with a lighter like how someone would sterilize a pin before attempting to get out a splinter.

Weeper trembled as threw a razor cut of leaves to cut underneath the layers of bleeding fungus below the surface of the bad eggs.

Unwieldy. Let's try maybe "Weeper trembled as he(?) cut the underneath layers of bleeding fungus below the surface of the eggs with a razor leaf." Is that better? No redundant use of cut, too.

It would make Scarmony's job of removing the infected areas as the bad eggs can grow back if the fungus had not been removed.

I think that's either supposed to be "It would BE Scarmony's job..." or you just left out an adjective (i.e., "It would make Scarmony's job of removing the infected areas easier...")


Another thought I had: why is Spiritomb surprised about using freezing on two separate occasions...that are about 5 minutes apart. He sees it used, and says "I wouldn't have thought of that". And then a few minutes later, they do it again, and he says "I never thought of that". Maybe he has short-term memory loss.

"Any chance it's Mr. Fierce?"

Is that supposed to be "Any change in Mr. Fierce?"

You wouldn't be hear if you wasn't good enough."

*here


It's not bad. I have to admit I liked the early chapters more with the great blending of realism, medicine, and the pokemon world/terminology. But that's okay, I can chalk it up to a plot-building lull. Keep at it!

 

[ChloboShoka]

Thank you so much for that fantastic review, Sid87. I took your suggestions into account and edited the chapter. I think you'll like the next chapter I'm working on.

 

[32er]

Well, I normally skip stuff in books, fanfics, etc. but this is one of the few times I actually read every single word.
I have to say you've done an amazing job so far, and I can't wait for more!
I think the fact Blissey and Spiritomb can communicate with humans is interesting.
9/10

 

[ChloboShoka]

Well, I normally skip stuff in books, fanfics, etc. but this is one of the few times I actually read every single word.
I have to say you've done an amazing job so far, and I can't wait for more!
I think the fact Blissey and Spiritomb can communicate with humans is interesting.
9/10

Well I'm flattered. Thanks for the comment and generous rate.

 

[ChloboShoka]

Pregnant Mew​

Gardevoir felt a lot better, so she and Sparkles headed straight for Room 31. I suspected it was the patient I recognised when I was slapped by the tail. I knew that Gardevoir was in for a blow because she may not have seen a legendary pokémon before. If Nurse Joy was about, I might have gotten into trouble for not attending to the patient first. We had to attend to the rarer pokémon first. So if there was three bidoofs and one dratini, we'd have to treat the dratini first. This was the one rule that I've always broken, but in the end, I will have my say and the human nurses would understand.

The patient and I go back a couple years. It was the same Mew that I saw in the Kanto Clinic I used to work for all those years ago. They took her DNA and used it to make her pregnant. After many still births, she gave birth to a hybrid. They named the child: Mewtwo.

The biological father was a psychic arceus they created in the lab. The way they separated Mew away from her child like that was cruel. The company that owned the clinic was so profit-minded that they neglected care. I couldn't do my job properly.

I don't think Mewtwo ever saw his own father. He won't be able to see him either; the arceus perished in an explosion. I warned the scientists it would harm Mewtwo's welfare if they confined him to the lab. They wouldn't listen to me because I wasn't human. Oh well, it's not my fault they died. I have no sympathy for any of them apart from the poor pokémon that suffer in their hands.

Mew rolled on the bed in agony. It was obvious to me what the cause of pain was: a pokémon egg trapped. Her eyes clinched tight and she lost the ability to control her her body's functions. The company have not changed one bit since I left.

"Have you ever seen a Mew before?" I asked Gardevoir.

"No," she replied.

"Well this is the real thing! She has a pokémon egg trapped inside her body. What do the tests say?" I knew the answer, but I needed to test Gardevoir.

"That there is a foetus inside the egg and there are no bad egg tumours detected in the ultrasound."

"What species is in the egg?" I asked. Sparkles and Gardevoir rushed to study the ultrasound scans.

"It looks like a Mew," Gardevoir answered. "Although I can't see it's tail. It looks like it has some huge arms and hair. This could be excess skin or possibly a hybrid of Mew and Dusknoir."

I confirmed, "It's a hybrid between Mew and a Darkrai! I urge you both to keep this patient's identity confidential."

"Yes Matron," they said in unison.

I leaned over to get some eye contact with Mew. "Do you remember me?" I asked curiously. Mew nodded. When Mew's water had broke, I could tell that Gardevoir really wanted to faint. Sparkles was the first to notice the baby bump breaking it's shape. The hybrid had hatched inside Mew. Mewtwo also hatched inside of Mew when he was born.

"I'm Mummy," Mew crackled. Normally, pokémon lay eggs. If the egg hatches before its been laid then labour or a caesarian would be the best choice.

"I'm going to support Mew's back," I said to Sparkles. "You and Gardevoir can check what's coming out of Mew."

It was throwing them both into the deep end, but the hard lessons will stick with them. They deserve to be working here and I refuse to let anything make them feel otherwise.

"The egg shells are coming out Matron," Gardevoir confirmed.

"Remove them at once Sparkles," I warned, "The hybrid might get stabbed."

"Is it out yet?" Mew asked. She was still just as childish as she was before. It was as if history were repeating itself.

"It's just the egg shells at the moment," Gardevoir replied. "Keep pushing... Okay I think the head is coming out. It's covered in blood."

"Keep pushing," I requested to Mew. "You're doing very well."

Mew gave out a massive roar so loud it would make an exploud sound like a feather. After what felt like an earthquake to my ear drums, Mew had expelled the newborn hybrid from it's body.

"Can I hold it?" Mew asked me. "They never let me hold my babies before."

My heart sank. No mother, regardless of species should ever have to ask that question. She was not the first and won't be the last. Gardevoir picked the hybrid up and gently wrapped a towel around the wiggling child.

"Be careful," Gardevoir warmed. "The bones in the arms are very underdeveloped."

As Mew held her new born baby in her arms I injected pethidine mixed with a full restore. We would need to scan the baby for any more complications considering the hybrid had an abnormal birth. For the time being, I watched over the mother and child with a warm smile attached. Watching new life be born was one of my favourite parts of my profession.

Mew giggled. "I shall name it Swiss!"

Swiss wasn't a name that I was expecting, but if that's what the mother wants to call it, then so be it. Poor Mew, she's got training difficulties because of her down syndrome and they continued to experiment on her.

The things humans sometimes do to pokémon drive me insane.

 

[3D992]

Wow. I see this title all the time in the fanfic section yet I never clicked on it. I was missing out. It reminds me of a real hospital. Good job catching that in a story.

 

[Sid87]

so her and Sparkles headed straight for Room 31.

SHE and Sparkles. Not her.

This was the one rule that I've always borken, but in the end, I will have my say and the human nurses would understand

*broken. And I really liked this, too. An interesting twist on the theory that richer or more "important" patients take precedence over regular folk in real hospitals. Back to the stuff like that that I liked in the first few chapters.

The company that owned the clinic were so profit-minded that they neglected care

WAS, not were.

Her eyes clinched tight and her inability to control her body's functions

*"...and she lost the ability to control her..." The way it is now doesn't make sense.

Normally, pokémon lay eggs. If the egg hatches before its been laid then labour or a caesarian would be the best choice.

Another nice touch!

Mew gave out a massive roar so loud it would make an exploud should like a feather

SOUND, not should

"Can I hold it?" Mew asked me. "They never let me hold my babies before?"

My heart sank. No mother, regardless of species should ever have to ask that question. She was not the first and won't be the last. Gardevoir picked the hybrid up and gently wrapped a towel around the wiggling child.

That was really sad. Poor Mew.


The only other thing I might say (oh, and that you typed "if" instead of "of" near the end), is that I actually work with individuals with I/D.D. (such as Down Syndrome), so I'm glad to see Mew wasn't too stereotypically written here. I might question the "I'm mummy" line, but that's about it. It was done pretty well, especially her sad little bit about never having held one of her newborns before.

 

[Kutie Pie]

As requested from the review game.

Interesting concept you have here. Despite some of the simplicity of how the story is being written (though that is a stylistic choice, so I respect that), it is easy to follow, yet some of the pacing seem a bit quicker than others. I could name one, I'd just have to look through the story and I'm too lazy to do that right now and find which chapters were a bit quick. I'd say the first chapter was quick since we didn't really focus on a sick baby Chikorita that long (how DID the ten-year-old get access to alcohol?), but the latest chapter here is quick as well. I expected more as it is a pregnancy, and depending on how long Mew was in there, it'd take a long while. Though I will admit, it's rather creative how you depicted a Pokémon pregnancy.

And holy... she gave her no epidural or anything O_O. Natural childbirth... Bill Cosby may have hit the nail on the head of the horrors of it mainly because he went into detail about how his wife went through it, and Mew only screamed once. Just a nitpick of mine...

This did bother me, though:

"That there is a foetus inside the egg and there are no bad egg tumours found in the x-ray."

"What species is in the egg?" I asked. Sparkles and Gardevoir rushed to study the x-ray of Mew's stomach.

Um... X-rays? I'm not going to really question it, especially since you are taking college courses on being a nurse (that's what you said, right?), so you're the expert, not I, but shouldn't it be an ultrasound instead (unless it's the same thing)? Just saying, since my mom had a miscarriage as a result of an X-ray exposure when one of my brothers had an X-ray taken--though that's what she always told me, anyway. Hadn't asked about it in years, but she was sometime in her first trimester when it happened so it might've been natural, but as far as I know, X-rays are dangerous to unborn fetuses. That was just a nitpick of mine that made me tilt my head.

Now, I'd like to know more about our narrator, Blissey, since I feel there is still not a lot we know about her. I do like how you show bitter thoughts, however, since we rarely associate a Chansey or Blissey with such emotions. Though the longer I dwell on it, the more I can understand how she got these thoughts what with her experiences with different patients and the trainers that bring them in. I can see real doctors and nurses thinking the same thing, though I think it'd be a stretch to say it's why some of them are rather mean (and Mom has a lot of stories about nurses who've overdosed her because she said something and whatnot).

I think my favorite part has to be with Mr. Fierce, most likely because of how you interpreted Action Replay, and thus convincing me this is of the game universe. And his gruffness was rather likable in a way, even if they were horrible side-effects. I hope to see more of him. I'd also like to see more of Gardevoir at work so I can see her character firsthand (pun intended?) instead of through talk.

And with that, I'd like for you to keep going, and perhaps put a bit more medical action in there like what you did with the operation. I'm interested to see where you'll go with this.

 

[ChloboShoka]

Thanks for the reviews guys. Some interesting feedback. I used to assume that Ultrasound was a kind of x-ray, but after looking it up, they're both quite different. I'm hoping to get some wotk into care once I've finished with college. Might possibly do a course at university some time in the future. I've been offered a position at a care assistant after I've finished my course and I think I'll go for it.

 

[Flame Mistress]

Yeah, X-Ray is very harmful to unborn foetuses - there's a reason why they use ultrasound, not X-Ray. Other than that, I think it was yet another great chapter; though perhaps you could've put a little warning at the beginning of the chapter, since childbirth isn't the most pleasant scene to imagine =P

 

[フェージングのエコー]

It looks like a Mew," Gardevoir answered. "Although I can't see it's tail. It looks like it has some huge arms and hair. This could be excess skin or possibly a hybrid of Mew and Dusknoir."

I confirmed, "It's a hybrid between Mew and a Darkrai! I urge you both to keep this patient's identity confidential."

It it a high bred between dusnor and mew of darkrai and mew?

These are creative and amazing stories! I hope you continue on with these. Most fan fics don't interest me, but this one has grabbed my attention and has attracted it wholely.

I hope you will continue on making these chapters.

 

[ChloboShoka]

Thank you Flame & Fading Echoes

It it a high bred between dusnor and mew of darkrai and mew?

These are creative and amazing stories! I hope you continue on with these. Most fan fics don't interest me, but this one has grabbed my attention and has attracted it wholely.

I hope you will continue on making these chapters.

They thought it was a hybrid between Dusknoir and Mew, then Blissey confirmed it was a hybrid between Darkrai and Mew.

 

[ChloboShoka]

Charsprout​

The patient before me was a hybrid. She had a dragon figure with her sharp claws, two horns, long neck and a green flame at the tip of her tail. Her lower head was shaped as a bell and huge pink lips like a tube hid her chin. She shared a Bellsprout's pale yellow skin colour. The front of her wings were russet brown.

The paramedics told me that her trainer was involved in a car crash, killing him instantly. Charsprout herself became a second close to joining him. Still, Charsprout had to be checked out in case of any internal damage. A lot of the staff feel that Charsprout is physically fine, but I sense that something is troubling her.

Sometimes people working in the care industry forget to look at the pokémon and not the medical flaws. There have been times where I have been guilty of that.

"Where's Ritchie?" Charsprout gurgled. "He was going to take me to the seaside."

"Who's Ritchie?" Maxie, an audino asked.

"He's my trainer," Charsprout replied with a childish grin on her face. "I've never been to the seaside before, Ritchie promised that he would take me there today. When do you think I'll be going?" The audinos frowned as they bowed their heads. It caused Charsprout to raise her voice. "Why is everyone so quiet?"

"I'm sorry Charsprout," I said. "Ritchie hit a sudowoodo in the road. Both Ritchie and the sudowoodo were instantly killed during the impact."

Charsprout gasped. Salivating, she slapped her wings against the frame of the bed.

"What about everyone else?" she asked frantically. She held onto the bed with her claws and sobbed.

"Sparky is in A&E ward," I replied. "Rose, Happy and Zippo have gone to visit him."

"How's Cruise?"

"We're not sure," I replied. "He wasn't in Sparky's room the last time I checked."

"I did see a tyranitar say his name was Cruise ask to see Sparky," Sparkles said. "Is Cruise a tyranitar?"

Charsprout shook her head and rolled over the bed.

Ironically, a tyranitaur walked into the room. He was around the same height as me, which indicated that he had only recently evolved from a pupitar. Sparkles went over to him and asked, "Are you Cruise?"

"Yep," the tyranitaur replied. "I'm Cruise. How's Charsprout?"

"We've just told her about Ritchie's death," I said. "I think she'll need as much emotional support as possible."

"Did she sustain any injuries?"

"None physically," I replied. "The paramedics told me that the ball she was was close to being crushed. "We are going to check if any of her internal organs are damaged."

"When will that be?"

"As soon as possible."

"Cruise..." Charsprout squealed. She held onto Cruise's hand and sunk into his chest. "How's the rest of them?"

"They're all sad about Ritchie," Cruise announced. "Rose, Zippo, Happy and Sparky went into the healing machine. Sparky has to stay a little longer, but the rest of them have completely healed."

"Would like to have a check up as well?" I asked Cruise. He had some shards of glass sticking out of his tail, and his body had clumps of sand on his front body. "It would be beneficial."

"I feel fine thanks," Cruise replied. "As long as my team is fine."

I'm quite concerned for Cruise. I still think he should go into the healing machine, but it's his choice. I have to respect it. All the audinos apart from Maxie and Sparkles left the room. Spiritomb marched into Charsprout's room with a grin on his face.

"Killer's instinct, eh?" Spiritomb chimed.

"I beg your pardon?" I yelled.

"Ritchie would have still been alive if you hadn't of caused a sand stream in the car."

"Spiritomb!" I said calmly. "That's no way to talk to a visitor." I should have known that I could walk straight through him, but it was instinct.

"You know it's really unprofessional to let killers be treated in this hospital so they do it again."

"Sorry," Cruise interpreted. "I'm not in the mood for this. But if it makes you feel better, I'll have a check up."

"I think that's a wise decision," I said. I turned to Spiritomb and told him, "follow me to the nurse's station."

Spiritomb remained silent to my surprise. He was intelligent, but sometimes outspoken. I wondered if it had anything to do with his intolerance towards rock type pokémon? I hope not.

"What on earth on what outburst for?" I snapped. "Those pokémon lost their trainer from a car crash."

"It's the truth."

"What's the truth?" Sometimes I just don't understand Spiritomb. He was a great doctor, but some of his actions made no sense. "They're grieving... and you telling a visitor that it's his own fault isn't going to make it any better. Remember our job is to make pokémon feel better."

"What I did was equivalent to the times where you accused Crasher Wake of being abusive when I treating his pokémon.”

“That was a long time ago,” I responded in defense.

“No it wasn't,” Spiritomb laughed. “It was only yesterday. But Crasher Wake's discharged himself again. Anyway what did you bring me here for?”

Oh my goodness. He can't remember what just happened, but he can remember what happened years ago. Either Spiritomb was teasing me, or he's developing serious signs of dementia.

“Spiritomb lately you've been different,” I told him.

Spiritomb laughed. “What are you talking about? There's nothing wrong with me?”

“You did accuse a tryanitar of killing their trainer,” I reminded him.

“All rock pokémon are scum,” Spritomb growled.

I'm trying to see all of this happening in Spiritomb's eyes, but all I can see is distortions of time. He was forgetting things and acting brash about it. This is something that I need to speak to Nurse Joy about, when I get to see her.

“Okay Spiritomb, maybe it's time you had some rest.”

“Rest sounds good,” Spiritomb replied. “Where?”

“Back inside your medical ball.”

“Oh right!”

I knew I had to keep a close eye on him from now on.

 

[Dawn and Piplup]

i love it! It is a really unique and amazing story!
I love it how you wrote in the form of Blissey and the plot is great!

 

[katiekitten]

Little typo - 'tail' not 'tale' at the beginning of the most recent chapter?

x3 I quite liked this, the plot and perspective was very unique, and the style you chose fits the narrator perfectly. x3 While the focus on each case is quite brief, I suppose it reflects the nature of the Blissey, doesn't it? She focuses and dwells on the things that matter to her, dismissing things that aren't, and that certainly comes across in the calm manner she retains as she deals with Mew's birth. She seems to see everything through a certain, dispassionate edge while certain emotions do filter through - it matches the character perfectly. x3 For Pokemon's minds do work quite differently to ours, and that seems to emerge in this. Her focus is her job, and completing it to her own standards... A quick question, will you continue the entirety of the 'fic in this episodic manner, focusing on the different cases? I think that's a really smart way of doing it, as that way you can slowly draw out both the character's history and feelings about her job from her thoughts, which is a really beautiful way of writing. The epitome of 'show don't tell'. x3 You could potentially have it breach the 'case' format in order to develop the character herself a little more in her own environment, but you could also argue that this is her environment. x3 I suppose once the deeper plot emerges that will reveal it enough mm?

The developments with Spiritomb is really intriguing, as well - I quite like the thought that he is merely teasing her and she can't quite grasp it due to her nature, and that the last conversation over the guilt of 'Cruise' represents a really neat character interaction - his probing of the way that she thinks, analysing her as someone who sees the world very differently from the way he sees it.

"I think that's a wise decision," I said. I turned to Spiritomb and told him, "follow me to the nurse's station."

Spiritomb remained silent to my surprise. He was intelligent, but sometimes outspoken. I wondered if it had anything to do with his intolerance towards rock type pokémon? I hope not.

"What on earth on what outburst for?" I snapped. "Those pokémon lost their trainer from a car crash."

"It's the truth."

"What's the truth?" Sometimes I just don't understand Spiritomb. He was a great doctor, but some of his actions made no sense. "They're grieving... and you telling a visitor that it's his own fault isn't going to make it any better. Remember our job is to make pokémon feel better."

"What I did was equivalent to the times where you accused Crasher Wake of being abusive when I treating his pokémon.”

“That was a long time ago,” I responded in defence.

“No it wasn't,” Spiritomb laughed. “It was only yesterday. But Crasher Wake's discharged himself again. Anyway what did you bring me here for?”

Oh my goodness. He can't remember what just happened, but he can remember what happened years ago. Either Spiritomb was teasing me, or he's developing serious signs of dementia.

“Spiritomb lately you've been different,” I told him.

Spiritomb laughed. “What are you talking about? There's nothing wrong with me?”

“You did accuse a tryanitar of killing their trainer,” I reminded him.

“All rock pokémon are scum,” Spritomb growled.

I'm trying to see all of this happening in Spiritomb's eyes, but all I can see is distortions of time.

His silence here is particularly poignant for me, as is the little flash of anger at the end (which is why I just had to quote the bulk of it, including the conversation) - although I do realise I may be completely misreading this, and that he may very well be losing his memory and falling victim to the 'hacking' disorder. :x His silence here just seems to be a contemplative one, one in which he is considering our dear Blissey, trying to understand her, and it offers a really wonderful insight into his personality, particularly as Blissey completely misunderstands it. I think it is the emergence of this through the Blissey's failure to understand him that makes it so lovily- because it's so subtle. We are looking at the situation through her eyes, and she controls which details are noted, deliberated over- and indeed she skips over the details of his body language, how he responds directly to her, but focuses only on his words, and the timing inconsistencies in them, disregarding the potential for irony or sarcasm. The light hearted conversation continues their dynamic, a conversation that he is control of due to his intellect, but then he loses that control, allowing a little past prejudice to burn in his words. nom. x3 I quite like these two. The Blissey's final misunderstanding is phrased wonderfully as well. <3

The last sentences insinuate that this may not be the case, however, and that he is just falling prey to his emotions and all that jazz so I will now be quiet. xD But you've made a spiritomb-blissey fan out of me <3

All in all looking forward to where this is going~! xD' I quite liked your envisioning of the surgery room, I thought it was quite effective, and generally have just really enjoyed it. x3 I've asked to be added to the PM list above <3

(This was for the 'Review the Above' but once again I got drawn in :x <3)

 

[ChloboShoka]

Thanks for the great comments. I enjoyed reading your analysis on Spiritomb and Blissey's relationship. The story is written in a sort of episode manner, which it why in the first post it's called part x instead of chapter x.

 

[Dayvad]

I came across this fic in the thread that advertises new fic and I have to say it's the best preview especially when I read it with the music in the backgroung so firstly great job on that.
Now as for the fic itself it has not dissapointed at all, I love the idea it's beyond unique and probally more importantly the way u write it makes it so easy to read really good job, so I hope u keep at it and I'm lookin forward to the next chapter

 

[ChloboShoka]

Thanks Dayvad, glad you're enjoying. Everybody who voted yes on the poll will is on the PM list.

 

[Sid87]

Charsprout had barely just survived by just one inch.

I would just change that wording a bit. It seems a tad weird. "Charsprout herself came within a hair's breadth of death herself". Something like that?

Sometimes people work work in the care industry forget to look at the pokémon and not the medical flaws.

Typo. Probably just need one, and it should be "working".

"I'm sorry Charsprout," I said. "Ritchie hit a sudowoodo in the road. Both Ritchie and the sudowoodo were instantly killed during the impact."

Not that I "like" any death scene, but the imagery of a Sudowoodo as a rogue tree in the road is very inventive. I love those aspects of this story.

"Sparky is in A&E ward," I replied. "Rose, Happy and Zippo have gone to visit him."

THAT Richie? Awww.

Speaking of which, a tyranitaur walked into the room.

I would change the beginning of that, too. Replace "Speaking of which" with "Ironically".

"Did she obtain any injuries?"

*Sustain. Unless she went shopping for them.

Spiritomb remained silent to my surprise. He was intelligent, but sometimes outspoken. I wondered if it had anything to do with his intolerance towards rock type pokémon? I hope not.

Pokemon racism, of sorts? What a curiously interesting concept!

“That was a long time ago,” I responded in defence.

*"my defense"



-What a surprising ending involving Spiritomb! What is going on with him?