Cheating on your partner.. is it as wrong as people make it out to be

[Mandi.]

I believe there was a debate on this before, but it's gone so I decided to make a fresh new one.

I never really gave much thought on this topic before I got into a very loving relationship about a year ago. And thinking about the idea of cheating disgusts me and confuses me to no end.

The question is
WHY do people cheat when they're committed to loving that one special person they're with?

Why do so many people think cheating is acceptable nowadays?

I know many people aren't truly in love with their partner which I could probably understand why cheating would happen. But when you are TRULY in love with somebody, yet still manage to cheat and sleep with other men or woman? What is going through your head?

I think my view is already clear but I can't say enough about how wrong I feel cheating is.
My views on love and sex have became so strict ever since I've been with my guy. I would never even think of being with another man. Even if there's a bunch of guys who are considered attractive wanting to be with me, I'd never cause my boyfriend pain. Besides, being with this guy, I just don't find anybody else attractive. I just don't see it.

Nowadays it seems like everyone will just get with any random person they find hot. And it just doesn't seem right at all.

How can you possibly not think of the pain you're causing your partner when you cheat? I believe if you're going to want to sleep with every hot person you meet, then you should break off your relationship, because cheating isn't worth the pain.

To end my post, I'll ask the main question.
What are you views on cheating?

 

[Dark God Heart]

Yes, I think so. There's always better alternatives to rectify whichever issue you're having in a relationship, alternatives that are more decent and morally forthright.

 

[Grey Wind]

Cheating is a terrible thing to do. I could almost understand if it was a one time thing when you were pissed off your head or something, but having an affair behind someone's back is appalling. If you want to go out and sleep with somebody else, then break off the relationship instead of hurting your partner like that. It would cause an awful lost less pain to break up with them than to have them catch you cheating.

To answer your other questions, I guess people cheat because they're unhappy with monogamy, or just don't have the guts to break up with their partner or something. I dunno, really, can't really tell what someone else's mindset is. And from my experience, very few people find it acceptable, so.

 

[BurningWhiteKyurem]

The question is
WHY do people cheat when they're committed to loving that one special person they're with?

There are a lot of answers to this question.

1) Biological Aspect: There is no denying it, look at the animal world, it has been constructed in such a way that male animals "spread their seed" to just about any female mates in order to maintain continuity of their species. Now we can argue as many times about how Humans are better than animals, but the point still remains, we are a part of nature and nature controls the way in which populations are maintained. I'm not saying everyone is predisposed to it, but it helps in understanding the act to some degree.

2) Sociological Aspect: People cheat usually to get the best of both worlds. What I mean (and it ties closely to biology) is that people stay with their partners because there's a sense of comfort in where they are. However, they cheat because something is lacking in that same relationship, and that lacking is something that they crave, it could be sex, money, anything. And it goes to say this "what the eyes don't see, the heart doesn't feel," the cheaters feel that if they're not seen they're justified.

Why do so many people think cheating is acceptable nowadays?

I know many people aren't truly in love with their partner which I could probably understand why cheating would happen. But when you are TRULY in love with somebody, yet still manage to cheat and sleep with other men or woman? What is going through your head?

I think part of making it acceptable is that some Significant Others (be it male or female) exclude accountability in the relationship when faced with this matter. What I mean by that is, the Significant Other somehow won't 'punish' the cheater, thus giving them an endless cycle of slap on the wrists whilst not realizing that this person may never learn from their mistakes.

To end my post, I'll ask the main question.
What are you views on cheating?

I don't condone of cheating as it implies to me that if a female (yes I'm a male) has done this act, then she already broke the covenant of trust and has the potential to do it again.

 

[DMerle]

After being in a long-term relationship for a while people will find things tend to get dull and not exciting as they were. Having an affair usually creates a lot of excitement because you'r e constantly worried about being found out, its the thrill of it that attracts people, but yes it is wrong. I mean how many people have major trust issues and flawed perceptions just because an ex has cheated on them, there's absolutely no excuse. If you're not in love or are bored or whatever, finish the relationship so the other person at least knows where they stand.

 

[Griff4815]

There are a lot of answers to this question.

1) Biological Aspect: There is no denying it, look at the animal world, it has been constructed in such a way that male animals "spread their seed" to just about any female mates in order to maintain continuity of their species. Now we can argue as many times about how Humans are better than animals, but the point still remains, we are a part of nature and nature controls the way in which populations are maintained. I'm not saying everyone is predisposed to it, but it helps in understanding the act to some degree.

I definitely wouldn't say humans are "better" than animals, but we do have a different set of values. I don't think that, when a man wants to cheat on his wife, the thought going through his head is "I want to have as many babies as I possibly can."

That said, people are susceptible to temptation and biological urges. I think the phrase is "thinking with the wrong head". I don't think there's a clear, sweeping explanation for why people cheat. Every case is different based on the context. Maybe it's drunkeness. Maybe the person was seduced by somebody who has the hots for them. Maybe the flame vanished with the person's original partner. Maybe they want to hurt their partner. Maybe their partner is mean-spirited or abusive and this is their way to cope with it. Maybe they're just insensitive or impulsive. Or maybe they really did fall in love with this new person while still being in love with their original partner. While, as a whole, I don't condone cheating, I think it's something to be taken on a case-by-case basis.

 

[Mandi.]

1) Biological Aspect: There is no denying it, look at the animal world, it has been constructed in such a way that male animals "spread their seed" to just about any female mates in order to maintain continuity of their species. Now we can argue as many times about how Humans are better than animals, but the point still remains, we are a part of nature and nature controls the way in which populations are maintained. I'm not saying everyone is predisposed to it, but it helps in understanding the act to some degree.

That's fine if guys want to just live to spread their seed. By all means, do that. Sleep with random woman everyday. BUT don't be in a relationship, if that's all you're gonna want to do. I find cheating very selfish. It's as if people still want their partner, yet they are not happy with just them. That just reeks selfishness.
Having the time of your life, sleeping with every girl or guy you meet, if you're into that, go ahead. But it's not worth severely hurting the person you say you love you too everyday.

But yes the problem with cheating is that most people who are cheated on, almost ALWAYS somehow end up with the person who broke their heart again and again. They never learn, and the person who cheated will always do it again because they know they can get away with it.
The people who will constantly get back with their cheating partner, I have no sympathy for. They're asking for it.

But the idea of cheating on an innocent person who gives you all the love you need and really loves you for who you are is repulsive. How selfish can people be? Is love not enough these days?

And to answer the above response. IMO I honestly don't believe you can truly be in love with more than one person. Love yes. But not IN love. Hell not even love, more like lust after another person. There's no love in that. They're two totally different things. If you've never been truly in love with someone, you wouldn't understand and you probably think I'm a sap. But it is true.. being in love with someone is nothing like just loving someone. You cannot give that much love or receive that much love from another person.

And yeah, I understand why people may cheat to get back at them when your girlfriend/boyfriend are being a total ***** constantly. Myself though, could never cheat even if I was extremely pissed at my boyfriend. Because I know we'll always make up and be ok again. If I cheat, that would forever haunt me. When you love someone too much.. I just can't even think about the idea of even trying it. Fights happen. You and your partner are going to disagree. But it's temporary. Cheating is a permanent thing. You can never take that away.

 

[はるひ]

Cheating is wrong but the cheater isn't the only one to blame and I think far too many people don't realize it. Partners don't cheat because they want to. They don't just get out of bed and say "I think I'm going to cheat on my girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife today!". I think there's not only something going on with them, but it's something that you are doing wrong as well. I think of it this way, my partner wouldn't cheat on me if I didn't do anything wrong...

 

[Mandi.]

What are you doing wrong? Not giving them enough sex?
This is what I find extremely selfish.
"Oh my lover doesn't want to have sex.. I'll just find some hot chick/guy on the street and get some pleasure. lol cause you know that's totally not wrong."
or even "Oh this chick I met is so much hotter than my girlfriend. Even though I'm in love with her.. I still need a hotter chick to give me some love."

Hell, if you're that horny but your partner isn't in the mood.. just jack off for both you guy's sakes.

 

[Grey Wind]

I think of it this way, my partner wouldn't cheat on me if I didn't do anything wrong...

Um, what the hell? Yeah, they mightn't deliberately get out of bed with the decision to cheat, but it's not the other person's fault. If the cheater is unhappy with the relationship, he/she should break up with their partner instead of continuing an unhappy relationship. If your partner does something that makes you unhappy, communicate with them instead of going out and cheating on them.

Unless they're abusive or something, in no way is it someone's fault if their partner cheats on them. I can't believe that you'd put going behind their back over just talking to them and discussing the problem.

 

[はるひ]

Well if my partner did it to me, then you'd think that there's something I am not doing to make them happy right?

I can't believe that you'd put going behind their back over just talking to them and discussing the problem.

I... never said that. I never said go out and cheat...

 

[Mandi.]

^ Nah, I'd think your guy is just an overly horny pig. Which he is if he cheats on you for making a mistake that he does too because you're both human.

How hard is it to communicate with your partner? What you think cheating is going to solve your problems? You think cheating is going to make your partner appreciate you and respect you more?

 

[BurningWhiteKyurem]

I definitely wouldn't say humans are "better" than animals, but we do have a different set of values. I don't think that, when a man wants to cheat on his wife, the thought going through his head is "I want to have as many babies as I possibly can."

By saying that about humans and animals, I meant that people will immediately be repulsed to the idea of humans being capable of cheating and refute the statement by saying that they are not animals (By experience: they mean that they don't possess the potential to 'spread their seed'). In reality, they forget that humans also have biological urges as you've stated, and as such possess the potential to do so.

If sex is on that person's mind when cheating, then it's similar to saying "let's have babies" from a biological standpoint. Obviously, not all men/women think in terms of sex when cheating.

That said, people are susceptible to temptation and biological urges. I think the phrase is "thinking with the wrong head". I don't think there's a clear, sweeping explanation for why people cheat. Every case is different based on the context. Maybe it's drunkeness. Maybe the person was seduced by somebody who has the hots for them. Maybe the flame vanished with the person's original partner. Maybe they want to hurt their partner. Maybe their partner is mean-spirited or abusive and this is their way to cope with it. Maybe they're just insensitive or impulsive. Or maybe they really did fall in love with this new person while still being in love with their original partner. While, as a whole, I don't condone cheating, I think it's something to be taken on a case-by-case basis.

Definitely agree, it would be a mistake to label all cases as 1 sweeping cause for cheating, it depends on the context.

 

[mattj]

To end my post, I'll ask the main question.
What are you views on cheating?

Can a man take fire in his bosom And his clothes not be burned?
Or can a man walk on hot coals And his feet not be scorched?
So is the one who goes in to his neighbor's wife; Whoever touches her will not go unpunished.
...
The one who commits adultery with a woman is lacking sense; He who would destroy himself does it.
Wounds and disgrace he will find, And his reproach will not be blotted out.
For jealousy enrages a man, And he will not spare in the day of vengeance.
He will not accept any ransom, Nor will he be satisfied though you give many gifts.

I know many people aren't truly in love with their partner which I could probably understand why cheating would happen. But when you are TRULY in love with somebody, yet still manage to cheat and sleep with other men or woman? What is going through your head?

Cheating implies a repeated, hidden relationship(s) outside of the relationship you've sworn to keep solely between yourself and someone special. If someone cheats on someone they do not love that person. If you're truly in love with someone you're not going to cheat on them ever. Its just not going to happen. There could be some isolated incident where you don't take precautions and end up alone with someone who you happen to be mutually physically attracted to, and if you're an idiot and don't get out of there you might end up doing something you seriously regret. But you're not going to cheat on someone you love. If you do it repeatedly and secretly, you don't love them. You might have feelings for them, but its not love.

 

[Mandi.]

Matt, we actually agree on something. I'm quite shocked. o:
Agree with everything you said.

 

[Sadib]

I never had a girlfriend before. I wonder what that's like. Cheating is one of those things that I cannot even imagine myself doing, because of how horrible it is. If I my girlfriend ever cheats on me, I would murder her.

 

[mattj]

It definitely is nice to agree every now and then isn't it.

This is a pretty common sentiment.

 

[Peter Quill]

ahahaha oh my god the timing of mattj's post.

It's quite frankly a disgusting thing to do unless you've already established that you're in an open relationship. Although at that point I doubt it would really be considered cheating.

 

[Cosmical El Amarna]

I disagree with cheating and do not approve. I have been cheated on and lied to about it and it sucked. I cheated on my last gf and lied to her face about it always, I regret doing both certainly. It wasn't the reason why our relationship ended but I don't doubt that things would have been probably different in a good way.

Cheating gets two big thumbs down from Cosmic.

 

[Jb]

I would murder her.

But this isn't any better than cheating.

I also hate when people say they made a "mistake" by cheating. Cheating is not a mistake.