yeah i mentioned my friend who has had both parents cheated on. he is so repulsed by that he didnt want to see the hunger games cuz katniss ended up with you know who (im not here to give spoilers)
You had me until the Hunger Games part. Katniss didn't actually
cheat on anyone is any of the books, because she was never
in a relationship with Gale in the first place. If they're not in a relationship, it's not cheating.
Seriously, it's ridiculous how people try to shame Katniss over something she
didn't do. :/ (Also, it's been long enough that we don't have to worry about spoilers.)
I don't see cheating on your spouse as morally right. Even if you have permission (the movie Hall Pass), you're still violating the sacred vow that YOU made to that other person. Now, I'm not religious, but a promise is a promise, not matter who you make it to. Cheating is lying to your spous that you would remain ever faithful. Don't even dare point to biological needs either. You have a brain that can control your instincts. Use your brain.
Just to clarify, a spouse is a husband or wife, so your post kind of leaves out anyone who isn't married. "Partner" is a more inclusive term and probably closer to what you had in mind.
Either way, if you have permission to do it,
it isn't cheating. Cheating means having sex with someone
without your partner's consent. If you have their consent, it is no longer cheating. Not everyone makes a "sacred vow" to be monogamous, especially if they're unmarried.
Exactly! Everyone needs friends, that's mean people in a relationship too. Yeah your girlfriend/boyfriend is important, but so are close friends. It's up to you to find a healthy balance.
It's less an issue of having friends outside the relationship, and more about jealous partners who
don't want their partner to have friends outside the relationship. It's a symptom of a controlling relationship, and it's rarely healthy.
The feeling tends to be evoked outside of marital affairs, its hard to explain but ill give an example in a sec.
For the most part you hit the nail on the head
I'm still not 100% sure what the point is of reading such stories then - why would you read something that just makes you angry? But anyway, taking it to PM.
ok the books and movies thing: one person found it successful so other ppl blew it up and tried making money off it. Im sorry but thats what it seems like to me.
Uh, this has been a trope in writing for
hundreds of years. It's been a pervasive aspect of the human experience, much the same as recurring themes such as greed and revenge since the beginning of literature.
That is why it's been a theme for this long - because people understand and relate to the idea of loving more than one person. And I'm not pulling this out of my butt; I've studied English literature for 5 years, and I've read some pretty damn old stories where this was a theme.
If you don't believe me and want examples, the
TV Tropes page has a few.
and Im not saying that doesnt happen: but books and movies, thats fiction. sure, it encourages others to do the same and all that. and I don;t really count that as the same thing.
Have you ever heard the term "art emulates life"? When we create stories, we draw feelings and experiences and ideas from our own lives, because we understand them and audiences relate to them. There's a reason love and revenge have been in our stories in all cultures for hundreds of years, and it's because people have always related to those stories. Therefore, these tales of loving multiple people wouldn't have been in our cultural history all this time if we didn't somehow relate to them.
I meant polygamy kind of thing. that is what ppl think is "love." the example of "love triangle" is more like "crush triangle" and makes a good story, but its not "love."
Excuse me, but how do you know what other people think and feel? Who made you an expert on the emotional capacities of others? Just because
you can't love multiple people at once does not mean it's impossible for everyone.
There are multiple types of love triangles, yes, but they are not limited to "crushes." Since you don't want to believe me, here is the
TV tropes page with examples of the different types of love triangles, including but not limited to the one I mentioned,
with examples.
This page also has prime examples of the type of love triangle I am referring to, though it is a very specific trope with specific character archetypes.
love is a term that society has really killed. it's used as the same thing as "like" and I find that sad.
I find it sad when people claim they understand the love every other person on earth ever has or ever will possibly feel in their lifetime.
I get what you're trying to say, but you should also question why you think
you can dictate what love is. I have my own opinions about love as well, and while I may be more inclined to look down on say teenagers who claim to be in "twoo wub," when it comes to mature and consenting adults, I acknowledge that they know what they're feeling and it's not my business.
I think real love would stop someone from cheating.
I'm not really sure why "real love" (versus "fake love" or something?) would magically stop someone. You can be in love with someone, but still feel emotionally/physically unfulfilled at a given moment and make a stupid decision. I'm obviously not saying that's an excuse or that makes it okay, but I don't think "real love" is as magical as you imply.
the rest is lust or two ppl had a crush on each other and wanted to get married only to find they didn;t like each other much. there are other scenarios.
Right, let's put it this way: you can be in love with more than one person in your lifetime. That's a fact. Whether or not things work out and you live "happily ever after" for the rest of your life is irrelevant - you can love someone intensely and deeply but still not spend the rest of your life with them for whatever reason. (Maybe things don't work out, maybe you're not allowed to see each other anymore, maybe they die, etc.) But you can still fall in love again, and love someone just as deeply and truly as you did the first person. It's not impossible - many widows find love again, for instance, and who are you to tell them that they didn't love their dead spouse as much as the new person equally? You must concede this.
My point, therefore, is that if one can love multiple people equally in one's lifetime, what is to then stop them from being able to love multiple people
simultaneously?
and even in those books and movies and such, at the end, they get married. they fall in love and the protagonist doesn't go back to the other guy (at the very end). cheating isn't a love triangle or a game. it's a lie. it's breaking a promise (at least in marriage) so yes I see it as wrong.
Few points here, so let's take it one at a time.
"And they got married and lived happily every after" - you're right, of course. In many stories, there has to be a final decision, because most people are not suited for polygamous relationships. But that does not by necessity mean that the hero loved that person exclusively all along. Sometimes that may be the case, sure, but in others they may really have loved both equally and just had to make a choice.
We are currently talking about cheating and love triangles as two separate things, so let's please not get them confused. Nobody is saying "being in a love triangle gives you the right to cheat." Keep that in mind for the next point.
What if you're
not married or in a relationship with either person? This goes back to the Hunger Games issue - Katniss has feelings for both Gale and Peeta, and while she doesn't really say no to either of them for awhile, she is not actually in any kind of relationship with either of them in the first book, so she's not doing anything wrong if she kisses one or the other.
and yes, cheating hurts the kids, I didn't say it didn't. I meant that they'll follow the cheaters example and go down that road and do it themselves.
But I'm saying that
because the kids will know what it's like to feel hurt and betrayed by cheating, they're
less likely to want to do it and thus hurt someone else. In fact, most children who experienced this were more likely to be less trustworthy, and that their views of love and relationships were generally hurt. I have seen some evidence supporting your idea, however.
That said, a child should
never have to know if a parents committed adultery. It is absolutely none of the child's business and should be worked out between the adults alone. There is no benefit to the child knowing what happened.
~Psychic