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Cheating on your partner.. is it as wrong as people make it out to be

Discussion in 'Debate Forum' started by Mandi., Aug 8, 2012.

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  1. BJPalmer85

    BJPalmer85 Well-Known Member

    I completely agree, it is usually assumed to be that way, but, assumptions can be wrong. That is why communication is the most important aspect of any relationship. Talk about what you want and your partner may have the same interests.

    B
     
  2. Darth Revan

    Darth Revan Coming Out!

    Personally i think it would be very intelligent and logical to make clear the perimeters of a social or romantic relationship.
     
  3. I-am-the-peel

    I-am-the-peel Justice Forever

    In my honest opinion, this is a situation ethnic, and depends completely on the people and the relationship.

    If you are with someone (Regardless of marriage, sex or how committed the two of you are), if you have been together for so long and if your other halve has spent a lot of time with you, keeps telling you how he/she feels about you and is just the type of person you enjoy being around, that is love. And love, can be broken. It depends on what type of person you are; if you just enjoy shacking up from one person to the other, go for it if that's how you get your kicks. But if your other halve is a person who truly depends on you and would be lost without you, you'll be tearing up your own morals.

    But....If your other halve is the type of person to flirt with others (When I say flirt, I mean obvious flirting as in "Sexting other people, making advances onto others etc. Nothing like hugging other people over and over again") or just prefers being around others instead of you, I guess it is fair to cheat, but it's probably easier to just end it asap. If this is the type of person who likes to take from you, stays around you only when she wants something, then I guess for the most part, s/he is not for you. It depends on what you want in a relationship;

    -The full romance-Spending your time, and perhaps your life, committed to someone, staying with them in sickness and health, until death.
    -Pleasure and fun-Getting to know someone just for pleasure or just to get at somebody.

    From that, you can argue your point for either of the two above, and again; it all depends on situation ethnics.
     
  4. GhostAnime

    GhostAnime Searching for her...

    Fair to cheat... in what sense? That they are okay with it, or because they're not treating you right?
     
  5. Psychic

    Psychic Really and truly

    No, cheating is never okay in any type of relationship, even if you're just dating casually. The only time you should have relations with someone other than your partner is if you talk to your partner and you both agree that having sex with other people is acceptable. This isn't a complicated concept.

    Also, please do not call people "it" - just because someone doesn't define themself as male or female does not make them an "it." That is quite disrespectful and dehumanizing.


    "My partner cheats on me so I can cheat on them" is one of the most childish things to come out of this thread. No - if you find out your partner is engaging in inappropriate behaviour, talk to them about it. If, after this talk, they don't respect you or your relationship, then that is a clear indicator that you should break up with them instead of wasting your time or trying to "get back at them." And come on - if they're that brazen about cheating on you, they would probably only care so much if they found out you did the same thing.

    And again, just because you don't want a serious relationship and just want "pleasure and fun" as you say, does not make cheating okay. Most relationships are considered monogamous by default. You define the parameters of the relationship with your partner and decide whether or not seeing other people is acceptable. This conversation is vital for reasons of both trust and health; if your partner has sex with someone else without telling you, then having sex with your partner can put your health status at serious risk. This is yet another reason why cheating is harmful.

    ~Psychic
     
  6. Qyxew

    Qyxew Banned

    "No, cheating is never okay in any type of relationship, even if you're just dating casually. The only time you should have relations with someone other than your partner is if you talk to your partner and you both agree that having sex with other people is acceptable. This isn't a complicated concept."

    How can you "cheat" if you're just casually dating? You can only cheat on someone in a relationship where both of you have agreed to remain exlusive to one another and not see other people/have sexual relations with other people. Up until the point where both parties have that discussion, it really seems like fair game.

    It makes absolutely no sense to me why I should be expected to remain exclusive to someone if I've only been on two or three casual dates with them, like coffee or the movies and such. If you don't want the person you're seeing to be banging other people, it's your responsibility to speak up about what you want and lay out ground rules.
     
    Last edited: Apr 15, 2013
  7. Well, casually dating is the start of a relationship, the start of being boyfriend and girlfriend.

    And it's not like people are only meant to be exclusive to each other when agreeing on that, it's the other way around. Having sex with others than your partner is not okay, unless you and your partner agree on that. Like Psychic said, a relationship is assumed to be monogamous by default.
     
  8. Qyxew

    Qyxew Banned

    How does two coffe dates make someone my "partner"? They aren't my partner. We aren't in a relationship. We are simply two people with mutual interest in one another exploring whether said interest could possibly go anywhere. Granted relationships are usually considered monogamous by default, but I fail to understand how casually dating in it's infancy (The first 2 to 3 dates and such) is by any stretch of the imagination a "relationship" of any kind.

    When you are just dating a person, you don't know that person yet, so how are you to know that the two of you are even going to be together? You are just in that 'getting to know you' phase where you find out whether or not you want to be in a romantic relationship with that person, and that person only. So you usually don't want to just start off saying 'okay, you're my boyfriend now! You can't see anyone else and neither can I!' because you don't know whether or not your relationship is going to go anywhere. Dating is kind of like shopping for candy bars. You may see a candy bar that you think you like and pick it up, but then, you see another candy bar a few shelves down that you like even more, and you buy that bar. When you are dating a person, you're kind of picking up the bar and examining it to see if you want to commit to purchasing it and eating it, if that makes any sense to you.

    Courtship isn't what it was in the 50's, it's a fairly common thing for people to date more than one person at a time. It is by no means a safe bet whatsoever to simply assume that the person you've been on a few dates with could not possibly be dating other people in today's culture. Especially with the rise of online dating. Now as far getting intimate with multiple people, then sure, I'll definitley concede that if that's something you want, you should be up front from the get go and be honest about what you want, and if they're okay with it, then cool. The only reason I say that is because of STD's and risk factors involved, otherwise I wouldn't even give you that. Though, still, you would think that you'd be smart and get tested before having sexual relations with someone, but eh. I digress.
     
    Last edited: Apr 15, 2013
  9. GhostAnime

    GhostAnime Searching for her...

    Really? You wouldn't consider multiple partners something people should be honest about outside of diseases? Or am I interpreting this wrong?
     
  10. BJPalmer85

    BJPalmer85 Well-Known Member

    I tend to agree with Qyxew, if the parameters of the relationship in its early stages aren't discussed I can not see how it would constitute as cheating. 2-3 dates in, to me, does not qualify that as a relationship. what would be an acceptable time frame? a month?

    I am a little lost on that as well...

    B
     
  11. jakeypride

    jakeypride Karos

    Huh... Well im just going to throw this out there. I am a HUGE slu*. But atleast I admit it, HOWEVER I also think cheating is 100% wrong. And when I am out and about having fun its when im NOT in a relationship. Cheating is just wrong, thats like going up to your mom or dad and telling them you have a better one.
     
  12. maleficium

    maleficium Banned

    Well, there's a difference between being honest about something and keeping things on a need to know basis.

    It's sort of difficult to articulate, but I'll do my best. If it's already common for people to date multiple people at once, and it's not really safe to assume someone you're dating casually is seeing only you, then sex isn't that far off. If I were dating someone, let's say two or three casual dates (nothing serious at all) and I discovered he had a brief fling, I would be more offended at the fact if we started having sex and he never disclosed that information to me my health would be at risk, [italics]not[/italics] because I believe my two casual dates laid claim to any sort of sexual exclusivity over him. That's why I think Qyxew digressed, is because only in an ideal world does everybody get tested and have perfectly safe sex. If they did however, given my scenario once more and a relationship developed, that fling I mention would be nothing more than an added number to a partners sexual history, and it wouldn't really be fair to dismiss someone simply based on a particular sexual encounters proximity to a potential relationship evolving, because that's completely arbitrary.
     
    Last edited: Apr 15, 2013
  13. Ludwig

    Ludwig Well-Known Member

    Anything is, by definition, "it". "it" simply refers to a previously mentioned noun, preferably in a way that makes it clear what noun is being referred to. It's a great word when writing about a general human, because it's gender neutral.
     
  14. Psychic

    Psychic Really and truly

    I was not referring to casual dating as "has been on two/three casual dates." Obviously, this is not a monogamous relationship. I was referring to someone you have been casually dating for some time, just as Darth Wheatly defined it as the "activity of going on dates: the activity of going out regularly with somebody as a social or romantic partner." As you can see, we both used the singular noun "partner."

    That said, if you're having sex with someone you've just been on a few casual dates with, then yes, you should be aware of things such as their health status and whether or not they are seeing/sleeping with other people.


    How much sex you have and whether or not you cheat on your partner are two totally unrelated things. I sincerely hope nobody assumes you would cheat just because you have multiple partners - if they do, shame on them. That said, the term "slut" tends to have unfortunate, entirely unrelated connotations, and is used in some pretty awful ways (like victim blaming). But that's another story.


    Firstly, I have yet to see humans referred to as "it"s. Even if you're saying something like "the worker" or "the CEO," you don't later refer to them as "it." In English, humans (and sometimes animals) only get gendered pronouns; "it" is a non-gendered pronoun that refers to an object. Thus, when you say "it" in English, it is assumed you are referring to an object.

    Secondly, I said "it" is dehumanizing because transgenered people, intersex people, androgynous people and so on have been called things like this that are incredibly disrespectful and dehumanizing. It's most likely Darth Wheatly was referring to such people by including "it." I respect the fact that Darth was trying to be inclusive in this way, but they simply used the wrong pronoun. (See - Darth's gender is undisclosed, but I'm not referring to them as "it.")

    So, to clarify, the poster said "make sure you are going to marry the right Girl/Guy/It." Instead, they should have said "marry the right girl/guy/person." Not only is it more inclusive, but it's also grammatically correct.

    If anyone wants to continue this conversation, here is not the place.

    ~Psychic
     
  15. GhostAnime

    GhostAnime Searching for her...

    This is what I'm still misunderstanding I think..

    You said given a relationship developed... if the fling happened before it, woopee.

    But if it happened during it, and STD's didn't exist, what then?

    I suppose I'm just looking at it more as an honesty/awareness standpoint.
     
  16. UltimatePokemonExpert

    UltimatePokemonExpert Experienced Trainer

    To answer short, sweet, and to the point, I think cheating on a partner is completely unnacceptable.
     
  17. happinas

    happinas fairy~

    all depends on the circumstances, i would generaly be offended, but if the person wanted badly to stay in a relationship with me, and my being with them, i would probably overlook it once.
     
  18. Search_Ops_TeamD

    Search_Ops_TeamD ShaggySmurf

    Whether you love your partner or just started a serious relationship, once you make that commitment it shouldn't be broken unless both of you decide on another agreement (or brake up). Now obviously cheating would be to get with another woman or man without your partners consent. If your partner allows it, then lucky you (here you assume I'm a guy, and correct you are). When I say partner, I'm talking about a person you decided to share a closed relationship with. This is different from dating. I believe dating different people at a time is ok, as long as no promises are made. It's ok to have options before choosing. I'll put this all in one sentence; I would date different women at a time (but this never happens) and get to know them, but in the end I would only commit to one and let the others go. Case in point, my opinion, cheating is not allowed in my world.
     
  19. Milennin

    Milennin *hugs Absol*

    To your first point, people who do cheat aren't truly in love. Because if they were, they wouldn't feel the need to cheat.

    And to the main question: Well, it's simple. It's wrong to do. There are no excuses to justify cheating. If you don't want to be bound to a single person, then don't start a relationship with them.

    edit: To add a bit more to my post. I think cheating happens more often the younger people are in a relationship. Younger people tend to be less serious, acting more on impulse and not thinking of the consequences of their actions. They often don't know what they really want from a partner yet. They are more willing, and able to, to take risks at young age.
    The older you get, the less risks you can take, because it becomes harder to form new relationships. At older age, a lot of people have established relationships already, so it's harder to find someone who hasn't. Also, you know better what you want from a person, so you're less willing to try a relationship with someone who simply looks pretty.
    Of course it's also that younger people have been together much shorter, not having had enough time to develop a serious relationship yet. While older people in a relationship have often been together for many years, and the longer you've been together, the less likely you're going to even think about separating. You've built a strong bond with your partner at that age.
     
    Last edited: Apr 4, 2014
  20. ellie

    ellie Δ Staff Member Admin

    dont bump extremely old threads
     
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