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Cheating on your partner.. is it as wrong as people make it out to be

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CSolarstorm

New spicy version
Everyone's into looks these days, I might never find another partner. I'm lucky I even have one right now! I'm lucky that I can say that I feel valued. And I said to myself that I was never going to break that. That's why I feel the way I do.

75% of a person's looks are actually determined by the way they hold themselves, how confident and secure they are, etc. If you act like you're worth a million bucks, people will be more attracted to you. Probably another reason people cheat - they get more people flirting with them because they're drawn to the happiness they show about being in a relationship.
 
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GhostAnime

Searching for her...
Gothielle here's an interesting question I think I should ask you: What is it about yourself that assures you that you yourself won't cheat?
 

DMerle

Guess who's back
Gothielle here's an interesting question I think I should ask you: What is it about yourself that assures you that you yourself won't cheat?

Well I've got a thing that it was Jessica Alba, Scarlett Johansson, Keira knightley, or Amber Heard then yeah I am cheating if the opportunity arises, but that's like something put out there. (Signature required.) If the girl cheated but it was on Brad Pitt or someone then it would be understandable.
 

Psychic

Really and truly
As I said before, I think making generalizations and lumping together every single situation where a person has cheated is not only wrong, but downright ignorant. Can you say "once a cheater, always a cheater" to a middle-aged person who has been happily and faithfully married for 10 years but cheated on some person they briefly dated in their 20's? People can absolutely change - most of you aren't the same person you were 5 years ago - and disregarding that is ridiculous.

Some of the assumptions being made here are really something. There are different situations and different ways to react, and ignoring that throws a huge part of the discussion out the window.



I don't agree with the "once a cheater, always a cheater" line. People DO change. People act like giving them second and third chances is a cardinal sin... So what if if it were done to me, I don't think he's a scumbag, that's me... and plus I'm not trying to say men are 100% innocent but they are always protrayed at the bad guys and everything done to them by their partner is okay, even burning their new car and clothes :-/
I agree with you that people change, but once you start giving someone a million chances and they know you'll always give them more chances, then they'll just do it again and again. They will take advantage of you.

Also, the gender of a cheater doesn't matter. Whether a man cheats or a woman cheats, they are absolutely 100% responsible for going out and having sexual intercourse with another person. As I said, unless you strip your partner naked and force them onto another person, you wereb;t involved in what happened.


I actually have faith that my partner would change if that were the case... :-/

Isn't that what love is about?
Maybe a partner who cheats partner doesn't actually love you. Maybe they're just with you to take advantage of you, and because they know you won't leave them if they cheat on you. Maybe they'll never stop, and maybe they'll laugh at you behind your back for giving them one chance after another.

Is that really what you want a relationship to be? Because if you let people get away with anything, it can happen.



Yeah but if he ever cheated on you, he's not really in love with you.. Sorry to say.
This, however, I find a little ridiculous. You can love someone and still screw up one way or another. I don't see cheating as being some kind of absolute proof that there never is and never was any love. This is a gross assumption to make.


We should be able to control ourselves when we see an attractive person and not be a horny dog and get on their back. ESPECIALLY when you're already with someone, and you still feel the need to have sex with any person.. just because they're attractive.
Another really ridiculous assumption to make about every person who has ever cheated ever: you can have an affair with someone you don't find attractive (plenty of people don't find Monica Lewinsky much to look at, for instance). Some people simply jump at whatever chance they get. Some people become attracted to close personal friends. Some people buy prostitutes to meet their sexual needs or fulfill a fantasy their spouse isn't interested in. It really does vary.


Hell I would think being in love would automatically change the person to not find anybody else attractive. Because honestly, believe it or not, that's how I am. I'm in love with this guy, and no matter how attractive somebody might be, I just don't find anybody else even near to being attractive. It's weird, but it's how I am. I'm committed to this one guy, and I won't turn into a horny animal whenever I see someone who is considered attractive. Why? Because I wasn't meant to carry children with multiple men (or in other terms.. have sex with multiple people when I'm committed to somebody else.)
Well, that's great for you, but that isn't something that's hardwired into the human psyche. You're lucky that that's how it works for you, but that obviously does not apply to every single person in a relationship, and you shouldn't assume otherwise. Also, I assume you can still objectively look at a person and say "yes, that person is physically attractive" even if you're not attracted to them?

And don't worry - there are plenty of ignorant people who legitimately think people turn into uncontrollable animals when they see someone they're attracted to, and that this is how rape happens. This isn't a jab at anyone in particular, just a tangential thought.



2nd side note: Open relationship = false assumption that a relationship is there to begin with. There's no trust or commitment, therefore, there's nothing there.
Please don't make assumptions about different types of relationships that are absolutely valid just because you personally don’t like the idea of them. Nobody is going to force you into one, and as I said before, it's absolutely not something all couples can handle because they require a huge amount of communication, emotional understanding and trust, and a complete absence of jealousy. In fact, I would argue that open relationships require far more work than ordinary relationships for that reason. This is not something that a couple can decide to do on a whim that will magically work out; it requires a helluva lot of energy and effort.

Plenty of open relationships have been stable and lasted, in part because a couple can be brought closer together by the increased amount of communication and understanding that is required. Plus you always get to go home to the same person who will love you unconditionally at the end of the day. If that doesn't appeal to you, fine, but don't assume the worst about perfectly happy people.



Everyone's into looks these days, I might never find another partner. I'm lucky I even have one right now! I'm lucky that I can say that I feel valued. And I said to myself that I was never going to break that. That's why I feel the way I do.
If everyone's into looks, what about your partner? Does he not count? If you could find him, you could find someone else.

You can say you'll never break up if he cheats, but what if he does something worse? What if he says horrible things to you? What if he steals from you? What if he hurts you? What if he destroys your stuff and kills your pet? You need to draw a line somewhere, because if you'll let him get away with anything, he can do anything.


Honestly I would be upset because you know... my friends but then I would forgive them/get over it because I won't let hatred control me forever.
It's not about hatred; it's about realizing that if someone does something bad, you should think about if you really want to stay with someone who does bad things, and may do bad things again. This is a perfectly normal and reasonable thing to do if somebody hurts you.


It depends. I mean, I don't think I have the guts to tell someone that I'd leave nor do I have was willingness to do it. If they want to, it's fine because they are the one doing it. If they did it over and over I'd ask myself what's wrong with me...
As others have said, if you won't leave someone no matter what they do to you, no matter how bad they are, then they will take advantage of you. They'll say bad things to you. They'll steal from you. They'll hurt you. And they'll laugh at you because you won't leave no matter what they do to you, so they'll do whatever horrible things they want.

Is that really want you want? Because it's absolutely possible if you just let someone get away with anything and walk all over you.


~Psychic
 

GhostAnime

Searching for her...
Because if I really love someone I wouldn't see other people...
Then why can't you say that for your partner? You're not below them.

If the girl cheated but it was on Brad Pitt or someone then it would be understandable.
No, it wouldn't.
 
As others have said, if you won't leave someone no matter what they do to you, no matter how bad they are, then they will take advantage of you. They'll say bad things to you. They'll steal from you. They'll hurt you. And they'll laugh at you because you won't leave no matter what they do to you, so they'll do whatever horrible things they want.

Is that really want you want? Because it's absolutely possible if you just let someone get away with anything and walk all over you.

No, but then I won't find anyone like them. Sometimes I hate when people ask "why are you with him/her?" and then when you respond "because I love him/her" they laugh. They don't understand because these are people that can have anyone they want.

Of course I wouldn't want them to keep seeing other people I mean you know... STDs... but for some of us, it's not as easy as the women on talks shows make it out to be.
 

GhostAnime

Searching for her...
No, but then I won't find anyone like them.

They don't understand because these are people that can have anyone they want.

If you're only with them because you feel like it's all you can get, how can you call it love? That's like the difference between having a job because it's all they offer you versus getting your dream job.

You can't love out of fear of loneliness.
 

Malanu

Est sularus oth mith
No, but then I won't find anyone like them. Sometimes I hate when people ask "why are you with him/her?" and then when you respond "because I love him/her" they laugh. They don't understand because these are people that can have anyone they want.

Of course I wouldn't want them to keep seeing other people I mean you know... STDs... but for some of us, it's not as easy as the women on talks shows make it out to be.
Most people would not understand your position Gothitelle. Because you don't have to be able to get who ever you want to get the right person for you. You just need to know what you do and don't want and stick to it. I love my wife more than most of you could ever know, but if she cheated or for that matter I cheated we would grudgingly with heavy heart divorce. Because that trust in loyalty will have been destroyed. Love and commitment must go hand in hand for it to be true. It must go both ways to be true. If someone is cheating they are not in love! You cannot be in love with someone like that cause to be in love you have to trust implicitly.

Yes it is just that easy. But what you need to do first before looking for love is to love and respect yourself. If you respect yourself, then you know you do not have to put up with such behavior. UNLESS, you are giving your partner permission for a reason.

I know a young lady who has given her boyfriend(s) a green light to "mingle" because she is dead set on staying a virgin forever. Now whether she can commit to this (virgin) or not, she is of the mind that since she will not fulfill that need for her man, she will not deny him the right to get it filled. I disagree with the idea, but I understand the place she is coming from. I just think its nuts!
 

Psychic

Really and truly
No, but then I won't find anyone like them. Sometimes I hate when people ask "why are you with him/her?" and then when you respond "because I love him/her" they laugh. They don't understand because these are people that can have anyone they want.

Of course I wouldn't want them to keep seeing other people I mean you know... STDs... but for some of us, it's not as easy as the women on talks shows make it out to be.
Gimme a break. You're a young woman, you will find people if you put in the effort. If you did it once and found this guy, you can do it again. But if you're only with this guy because you couldn't find anybody else, well, that doesn't sound like love.

There is a difference between "why are you dating that person" VS "why would you stay with a person who cheats on you, lies to you, hurts you?" Because "but I love them" is not a good reason to stay with someone who cheats or lies or steals or hurts or abuses or assaults you. They may not love you back. You wouldn't stay friends with someone who does those things to you, so why would you continue a relationship with someone who does? You don't need to look like a model to have standards like "I won't be in a relationship that is poisonous to me."

And seriously, it's time you realized that talk shows =/= real life.


I know a young lady who has given her boyfriend(s) a green light to "mingle" because she is dead set on staying a virgin forever. Now whether she can commit to this (virgin) or not, she is of the mind that since she will not fulfill that need for her man, she will not deny him the right to get it filled.!
If she never wants to have sex in her life...well, that's weird, but it's her choice. As long as she acknowledges that it will likely be a barrier in her relationships and is willing to find solutions with her partner, I can't judge.

That said, if all parties are aware of the situation and communicate about it, I don't view that as cheating.


~Psychic
 

Zevn

Lost in Translation
She doesn't know what she's missing.

Anyway.. OT: Yes, it is very wrong. Betraying someone who loves you, cares about your wellbeing, and invests a large amount of their life in you is flat wrong.
 

Malanu

Est sularus oth mith
If she never wants to have sex in her life...well, that's weird, but it's her choice. As long as she acknowledges that it will likely be a barrier in her relationships and is willing to find solutions with her partner, I can't judge.

That said, if all parties are aware of the situation and communicate about it, I don't view that as cheating.


~Psychic
Neither does my daughter! It's her view! I'm stupefied by it but if she can be happy I can do nothing but be there when and if the house comes tumbling down.

@Zevn, Yes she does. She was in the room when her brother was born. She knows EXACTLY what she is missing!
 

VIA

<<< Recent Shiny
EDIT: Ive seen the damage cheating can do to a committed person. If you love someone keep them dont ask for anyone else. Ive only dated 1 person in my teenage years in my entire life but I know things from the people around me
 
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iFi Salamander

I'm a vampire!
"WHY do people cheat when they're committed to loving that one special person they're with?"

Because sex and apathy.

"Why do so many people think cheating is acceptable nowadays?"

Because there is no lawful consequence. They cheat if they feel like cheating. Women are more likely to cheat out of immaturity. Men are more likely to cheat if the opportunity presents itself.
 

Psychic

Really and truly
Women are more likely to cheat out of immaturity. Men are more likely to cheat if the opportunity presents itself.
If you're going to make sweeping generalizations like this, we're going to need to see some proof. Especially because the common conception is that women tend to be more mature than their male counterparts, so your claim seems pretty baseless. Plus calling half of the world's population "immature" isn't the best way to begin engaging in a debate. :p

Here are some pretty interesting trends in cheaters, with sources if you check the individual links. Interesting that things like stress and education really affect the numbers, but stats like "Women dissatisfied with their relationship are more than twice as likely to cheat; those who feel they are sexually incompatible with their partners are nearly three times as likely." really aren't surprising at all, imo (not that cheating is the right way to respond to those situations).

~Psychic
 

Malanu

Est sularus oth mith
So men and women cheat for the same reasons then?

As to why cheat on someone they truly love? That would be because they are not truly in love. When my 1st wife left with another man, I went out to get my pound of flesh. and I LITERALLY could not do it. Hurt and angry as I was, I could not violate the love I still had for her!
 
There is a difference between "why are you dating that person" VS "why would you stay with a person who cheats on you, lies to you, hurts you?" Because "but I love them" is not a good reason to stay with someone who cheats or lies or steals or hurts or abuses or assaults you.

It IS a good reason. Most don't understand because you make it out to be so easy to leave and find someone else. It's not easy, especially for someone like me who before was teased and laughed at because I had no date like the other girls my age. Most girls when i was still in school were already dating and you know. Same with the guys and they would tease me about not doing that. So having a partner now, it's a freaking big deal for me mean. And this was a friend of mine that I'd talk to and then I realized that yeah I my personality really shined though (lol)

But yeah, it's a big deal.
 
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