As I said before, I think making generalizations and lumping together every single situation where a person has cheated is not only wrong, but downright ignorant. Can you say "once a cheater, always a cheater" to a middle-aged person who has been happily and faithfully married for 10 years but cheated on some person they briefly dated in their 20's? People can absolutely change - most of you aren't the same person you were 5 years ago - and disregarding that is ridiculous.
Some of the assumptions being made here are really something. There are different situations and different ways to react, and ignoring that throws a huge part of the discussion out the window.
I don't agree with the "once a cheater, always a cheater" line. People DO change. People act like giving them second and third chances is a cardinal sin... So what if if it were done to me, I don't think he's a scumbag, that's me... and plus I'm not trying to say men are 100% innocent but they are always protrayed at the bad guys and everything done to them by their partner is okay, even burning their new car and clothes :-/
I agree with you that people change, but once you start giving someone a million chances and they know you'll always give them more chances, then they'll just do it again and again.
They will take advantage of you.
Also,
the gender of a cheater doesn't matter. Whether a man cheats or a woman cheats, they are absolutely 100% responsible for going out and having sexual intercourse with another person. As I said, unless you strip your partner naked and force them onto another person, you wereb;t involved in what happened.
I actually have faith that my partner would change if that were the case... :-/
Isn't that what love is about?
Maybe a partner who cheats partner doesn't actually love you. Maybe they're just with you to take advantage of you, and because they know you won't leave them if they cheat on you. Maybe they'll never stop, and maybe they'll laugh at you behind your back for giving them one chance after another.
Is that really what you want a relationship to be? Because if you let people get away with anything, it can happen.
Yeah but if he ever cheated on you, he's not really in love with you.. Sorry to say.
This, however, I find a little ridiculous. You can love someone and still screw up one way or another. I don't see cheating as being some kind of absolute proof that there never is and never was any love. This is a gross assumption to make.
We should be able to control ourselves when we see an attractive person and not be a horny dog and get on their back. ESPECIALLY when you're already with someone, and you still feel the need to have sex with any person.. just because they're attractive.
Another really ridiculous assumption to make about every person who has ever cheated ever: you
can have an affair with someone you don't find attractive (plenty of people don't find Monica Lewinsky much to look at, for instance). Some people simply jump at whatever chance they get. Some people become attracted to close personal friends. Some people buy prostitutes to meet their sexual needs or fulfill a fantasy their spouse isn't interested in. It really does vary.
Hell I would think being in love would automatically change the person to not find anybody else attractive. Because honestly, believe it or not, that's how I am. I'm in love with this guy, and no matter how attractive somebody might be, I just don't find anybody else even near to being attractive. It's weird, but it's how I am. I'm committed to this one guy, and I won't turn into a horny animal whenever I see someone who is considered attractive. Why? Because I wasn't meant to carry children with multiple men (or in other terms.. have sex with multiple people when I'm committed to somebody else.)
Well, that's great for you, but that isn't something that's hardwired into the human psyche. You're lucky that that's how it works for you, but that obviously does not apply to every single person in a relationship, and you shouldn't assume otherwise. Also, I assume you can still objectively look at a person and say "yes, that person is physically attractive" even if you're not attracted to them?
And don't worry - there are plenty of ignorant people who legitimately think people turn into uncontrollable animals when they see someone they're attracted to, and that this is how rape happens. This isn't a jab at anyone in particular, just a tangential thought.
2nd side note: Open relationship = false assumption that a relationship is there to begin with. There's no trust or commitment, therefore, there's nothing there.
Please don't make assumptions about different types of relationships that are absolutely valid just because you personally don’t like the idea of them. Nobody is going to force you into one, and as I said before, it's absolutely not something all couples can handle because they require a huge amount of communication, emotional understanding and trust, and a complete absence of jealousy. In fact, I would argue that
open relationships require far more work than ordinary relationships for that reason. This is not something that a couple can decide to do on a whim that will magically work out; it requires a helluva lot of energy and effort.
Plenty of open relationships have been stable and lasted, in part because a couple can be brought closer together by the increased amount of communication and understanding that is required. Plus you always get to go home to the same person who will love you unconditionally at the end of the day. If that doesn't appeal to you, fine, but don't assume the worst about perfectly happy people.
Everyone's into looks these days, I might never find another partner. I'm lucky I even have one right now! I'm lucky that I can say that I feel valued. And I said to myself that I was never going to break that. That's why I feel the way I do.
If everyone's into looks, what about your partner? Does he not count? If you could find him, you could find someone else.
You can say you'll never break up if he cheats, but what if he does something
worse? What if he says horrible things to you? What if he steals from you? What if he hurts you? What if he destroys your stuff and kills your pet? You need to draw a line somewhere, because if you'll let him get away with anything,
he can do anything.
Honestly I would be upset because you know... my friends but then I would forgive them/get over it because I won't let hatred control me forever.
It's not about hatred; it's about realizing that if someone does something bad, you should think about if you really want to stay with someone who does bad things, and may do bad things again. This is a perfectly normal and reasonable thing to do if somebody hurts you.
It depends. I mean, I don't think I have the guts to tell someone that I'd leave nor do I have was willingness to do it. If they want to, it's fine because they are the one doing it. If they did it over and over I'd ask myself what's wrong with me...
As others have said, if you won't leave someone no matter what they do to you, no matter how bad they are, then they
will take advantage of you. They'll say bad things to you. They'll steal from you. They'll hurt you. And they'll laugh at you because you won't leave no matter what they do to you, so they'll do whatever horrible things they want.
Is that really want you want? Because it's absolutely possible if you just let someone get away with anything and walk all over you.
~Psychic
