Cheating on your partner.. is it as wrong as people make it out to be

[GhostAnime]

Who? Me???

 

[Malanu]

If they have to resort to physical violence to control their spouse, then they must not be very intelligent. Anyone I date I am around enough to have completely analyzed their psyche.

I am married to the same woman for 24+ years. You can never completely analyze someone iFi.

I wouldn't advise cheating on a man who's already shown the potential that he wouldn't hesitate to harm you.

QFT.

 

[はるひ]

That isn't true. An abusive partner can be an emotionally explosive person. It is not the fault of the abused. It is all on the abuser, period. Just as cheating is the fault of the cheater, abuse is the fault of the abuser!

Wanting control over a spouse is not reason to be abusive. I understand where you are coming from, but I find your logic terribly flawed. Cause if the control "freak" doesn't feel in control, they can exert control by ending the relationship. Resorting to violence is a lack of control not the other way around.

I see.

I was saying that if that partner doesn't trust you as it is and is controlling why in the hell would you want to break that trust any further by cheating? What's wrong with actually sitting down and working things out?

 

[GhostAnime]

Perhaps you should ask yourself that?

That certainly wasn't the conclusion you came to about your situation.

 

[iFi Salamander]

I am married to the same woman for 24+ years. You can never completely analyze someone iFi

No, but enough to know how to play them.

 

[Malanu]

I see.

I was saying that if that partner doesn't trust you as it is and is controlling why in the hell would you want to break that trust any further by cheating? What's wrong with actually sitting down and working things out?

Nothing at all. But one need to accept that abusers will abuse. there is nothing to "fix". If a partner cannot trust you when you are doing nothing to warrant the mistrust, you need to find a better partner for you. You work things out Before the violence happens, once it does, game over, move on and start with someone new.

@iFi, if you are playing a partner, then you aren't really with that partner are you?

 

[Kaiserin]

No, but enough to know how to play them.

Sounds like a gigantic red flag for potential abuse, actually.

For the record, I believe abuse of a spouse is entirely the fault of the abuser, because cheating doesn't justify verbally or physically lashing out. To be fair, some of those relationships are not easy to get out of for various reasons, especially because the victims will be threatened by their spouses if they tell anyone, or they'll continue stringing them along with promises of "I didn't mean it."

Abuse is a different ballpark, but when it comes to "I slept with someone else because you didn't fulfill me," that's the problem of the one who decides it's a good idea, not the one who had no knowledge of it. Ignorance is no excuse for some things, including the aforementioned abuse ("I didn't realize I was hurting her!"), but for this, there's really no way of knowing until you find out the hard way.

 

[iFi Salamander]

Sounds like a gigantic red flag for potential abuse, actually.

Naw I am not like that. By play I mean make their irritating quirks more reasonable to deal with in the long run.

 

[Dryzera]

I wouldn't advise cheating on a man who's already shown the potential that he wouldn't hesitate to harm you.

<_<

You gotta think this through.

Golly, it seems as though you may have missed something in my post. Don't worry man, I got your back. Let me just re quote.

reach mental breakdown

I was unaware that repeatedly battered women think logically or rationally.

Thanks for the tip. I'm learning all sorts of new things in this thread.

 

[GhostAnime]

They aren't so completely void of it to the point that the grand majority would actually consider that to be the best thing to do.

 

[Dryzera]

They aren't so completely void of it to the point that the grand majority would actually consider that to be the best thing to do.

I'm sorry, I didn't realize you had a vagina, and that you were in an abusive relationship, because that might actually give you leeway to make a claim like that.

The grand majority of people don't think it's a good idea to go out and shoot someone in broad daylight, yet somehow for mysterious reasons unknown to man, the law takes into account things like your psychological state, mental well being, whether it was a crime of passion, justifiable homicide, etc. If we can give people that fucking killed another human being the benefit of the doubt, I'm pretty sure you can afford that same courtesy to a battered woman who had an extra marital affair. If you can't, well, that says a whole lot.

 

[はるひ]

you don't need to have a vagina to be in an abusive relationship or be abused for that matter. :l (if I am misinterpreting your post, please tell me)

Anyway, battered or not, cheating is cheating. Two wrongs don't make a right. You cannot kill someone because they killed someone you know. You will get the same punishment. Same in this case, you cannot fight pain with even more pain.

 

[Dryzera]

you don't need to have a vagina to be in an abusive relationship or be abused for that matter. :l (if I am misinterpreting your post, please tell me)

Anyway, battered or not, cheating is cheating. Two wrongs don't make a right. You cannot kill someone because they killed someone you know. You will get the same punishment. Same in this case, you cannot fight pain with even more pain.

You don't need to, no, but reality is that most abusive relationships are that of men being the aggressors toward women. So, to go off making claims about how you know what most abused women do or do not think like, when you have a penis, is pretty stupid. I thought this was common sense.

I'm glad to know that you're okay with seeing things in a dangerously narrow, black and white view, though.

 

[iFi Salamander]

I was unaware that repeatedly battered women think logically or rationally.

I was unaware any woman thought completely logically and rationally.

They aren't so completely void of it to the point that the grand majority would actually consider that to be the best thing to do.

Jesus, somebody has never seen a rape victim.

 

[はるひ]

What are you talking about? Do you want me to give leeway to a woman who cheats JUST because one they are a woman and two they were abused?

Oh and I'm a girl by the way.

 

[GhostAnime]

Wait wait wait wait.

I'm not going to equate it 100% to a rape victim.

I'm not entirely sure what I even said that warranted criticism. It's a bad idea regardless of what tendency the person may have. I can be sympathetic/understanding all I want, but it's still a bad idea. That's all I said.

 

[iFi Salamander]

What are you talking about? Do you want me to give leeway to a woman who cheats JUST because one they are a woman and two they were abused?

This is America damn it. Women always are right in court.

 

[はるひ]

This is America damn it. Women always are right in court.

how could i forget? lol

 

[Dryzera]

What are you talking about? Do you want me to give leeway to a woman who cheats JUST because one they are a woman and two they were abused?

Oh and I'm a girl by the way.

I am talking about how it is silly for men, who are not likely to be abused in relationships, to make comments about how abused women do or do not think. What about that is confusing for you? No, I do not want you to give "leeway" to a woman for cheating just because she's a woman. I am asking that you not make black and white moral judgements and or condemnations when the situation is not as clear cut to warrant such things.

Oh and I'm a girl by the way.

Captivating.

Wait wait wait wait.

I'm not going to equate it 100% to a rape victim.

I'm not entirely sure what I even said that warranted criticism. It's a bad idea regardless of what tendency the person may have. I can be sympathetic/understanding all I want, but it's still a bad idea. That's all I said.

Well duh. Ofcourse it's still a bad idea. That isn't what I'm talking about, or what we even were talking about. Labeling something a "bad idea" is different from making a moral judgement against the person.

Do you equate the woman who slept with a person outside of her marriage, because she thinks her husband isn't man enough to please her anymore, with the woman who slept with a person outside of her marriage because she's vulnerable, needy, and had a strong psychological need for intimacy and affection, due to being consistently abused? If the answer is "no" we're good. If the answer is "yes" you're a dick.

 

[GhostAnime]

The answer is no of course.

But I'm not entirely sure where all of this even arose from.. >_> I just said it was a bad idea.