ok even the term "cheating" has a bad connotation to it. "Hey mom I just cheated on my test today" "Great joey!" no.... it's wrong. It is really rare that someone can love more than one person: and by that I don't mean it's right. think about being in the other persons place. would u like to be "the other girl/guy?" would u like to share your partner with someone else? no. ppl r selfish.... Im a jealous person. Plus, it's dishonest (unless u openly say, hey I have another gf which I dont think ppl would do....), it shows ur level of character, and in marital situations, destroys your family and basically gives your kids permission to go ahead and do it. seriously.... So it's not right.
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Cheating on your partner.. is it as wrong as people make it out to be
- Thread starter Mandi.
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I'd just like to inform you that there are animals, numerous species in fact, that mate for life and only have one mate. Coyotes for example have only one mate.
Psychic
Really and truly
Really? I don't anything about the subject aside from what I found from a quick Google search, so can you elaborate?
Huh, interesting. It sounds like the point and feelings that are associated with netorare are very different from those of cuckoldry when we talk about the fetishization of it. Mainly, from what I understand, because the thrill of literally having one's partner cheat on them is more about humiliation, whereas watching netorare is more about provoking jealousy. (Also, we do seem to be talking about having it happen in your life VS just watching/reading about it.)
Eh, I've also seen plenty of guys do this, to the extent where "I don't want you being around friends of the opposite sex." I've also spoken to guys in a relationship who want to have sex with another girl, but would never want their female partner to have sex with another guy, so it's not just a girl thing. Either way, jealous types baffle me.
Is it that rare to love more than one person at once? Have you never read a book or seen a movie or tv show or video game with a love triangle, where someone has to choose between two people they care deeply about? It's been a common theme throughout history because we're human. I'd say it's less that it's "not right" and more that it isn't fair to the objects of affection.
Not everyone is jealous like you, so don't project your own feelings onto the rest of the world. There are people who have been and still are in perfectly happy polyamorous relationships. If you don't like the idea of polyamory, then don't get involved in it. A proper polyamorous relationship is honest, after all, and there is nothing wrong with people who are in one.
Uh, what? If anything, cheating hurts the kids, and therefore the kids will be less likely to do it because they have some understanding of the feeling of betrayal it results in.
~Psychic
yeah i mentioned my friend who has had both parents cheated on. he is so repulsed by that he didnt want to see the hunger games cuz katniss ended up with you know who (im not here to give spoilers)
Klizcool
GARBAGE DAY?!?!
I don't see cheating on your spouse as morally right. Even if you have permission (the movie Hall Pass), you're still violating the sacred vow that YOU made to that other person. Now, I'm not religious, but a promise is a promise, not matter who you make it to. Cheating is lying to your spous that you would remain ever faithful. Don't even dare point to biological needs either. You have a brain that can control your instincts. Use your brain.
But Ifyou still end up cheating, please confess it to your spouse for my amusement on the Jerry Springer Show please.
But Ifyou still end up cheating, please confess it to your spouse for my amusement on the Jerry Springer Show please.
Roaring Apathy
Fight the good fight
There is such a thing as an open relationship you know, what if say the two people made a vow to stay faithful to each other while at the same time still be open to other relationships? You cant call other peoples mutual decisions immoral like that.
Denying your biological needs is denying a part of you, that is very much a human and for the most part animalistic aspect of our being, considering we ARE animals. That, and its very eassy to get swept up in the mood and lust of things. Bear in mind Im talking in the context of an open relationship.
Ill get back to you later psychic, need to get my replies in order.
Buuz
Smash Trainer
Exactly! Everyone needs friends, that's mean people in a relationship too. Yeah your girlfriend/boyfriend is important, but so are close friends. It's up to you to find a healthy balance.
Roaring Apathy
Fight the good fight
The feeling tends to be evoked outside of marital affairs, its hard to explain but ill give an example in a sec.
For the most part you hit the nail on the head.
Heres a prime example regardless, long read but well worth the effort to understand the concept.
Edit: Ignore the attached image, i tried uploading the file directly to serebii initially but the resolution was messed up
Edit2: Actually looking back at it theres some inappropriate material in the image so Ill take it down. Ill pm it to you how ever.
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ok the books and movies thing: one person found it successful so other ppl blew it up and tried making money off it. Im sorry but thats what it seems like to me. and Im not saying that doesnt happen: but books and movies, thats fiction. sure, it encourages others to do the same and all that. and I don;t really count that as the same thing. I meant polygamy kind of thing. that is what ppl think is "love." the example of "love triangle" is more like "crush triangle" and makes a good story, but its not "love." love is a term that society has really killed. it's used as the same thing as "like" and I find that sad. I think real love would stop someone from cheating. the rest is lust or two ppl had a crush on each other and wanted to get married only to find they didn;t like each other much. there are other scenarios. but thats what I see most of the time. and true, not fair. But I see it as wrong as well as unfair. and even in those books and movies and such, at the end, they get married. they fall in love and the protagonist doesn't go back to the other guy (at the very end). cheating isn't a love triangle or a game. it's a lie. it's breaking a promise (at least in marriage) so yes I see it as wrong.
and yes, cheating hurts the kids, I didn't say it didn't. I meant that they'll follow the cheaters example and go down that road and do it themselves.
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Psychic
Really and truly
You had me until the Hunger Games part. Katniss didn't actually cheat on anyone is any of the books, because she was never in a relationship with Gale in the first place. If they're not in a relationship, it's not cheating.
Seriously, it's ridiculous how people try to shame Katniss over something she didn't do. :/ (Also, it's been long enough that we don't have to worry about spoilers.)
Just to clarify, a spouse is a husband or wife, so your post kind of leaves out anyone who isn't married. "Partner" is a more inclusive term and probably closer to what you had in mind.
Either way, if you have permission to do it, it isn't cheating. Cheating means having sex with someone without your partner's consent. If you have their consent, it is no longer cheating. Not everyone makes a "sacred vow" to be monogamous, especially if they're unmarried.
It's less an issue of having friends outside the relationship, and more about jealous partners who don't want their partner to have friends outside the relationship. It's a symptom of a controlling relationship, and it's rarely healthy.
I'm still not 100% sure what the point is of reading such stories then - why would you read something that just makes you angry? But anyway, taking it to PM.
Uh, this has been a trope in writing for hundreds of years. It's been a pervasive aspect of the human experience, much the same as recurring themes such as greed and revenge since the beginning of literature. That is why it's been a theme for this long - because people understand and relate to the idea of loving more than one person. And I'm not pulling this out of my butt; I've studied English literature for 5 years, and I've read some pretty damn old stories where this was a theme.
If you don't believe me and want examples, the TV Tropes page has a few.
Have you ever heard the term "art emulates life"? When we create stories, we draw feelings and experiences and ideas from our own lives, because we understand them and audiences relate to them. There's a reason love and revenge have been in our stories in all cultures for hundreds of years, and it's because people have always related to those stories. Therefore, these tales of loving multiple people wouldn't have been in our cultural history all this time if we didn't somehow relate to them.
Excuse me, but how do you know what other people think and feel? Who made you an expert on the emotional capacities of others? Just because you can't love multiple people at once does not mean it's impossible for everyone.
There are multiple types of love triangles, yes, but they are not limited to "crushes." Since you don't want to believe me, here is the TV tropes page with examples of the different types of love triangles, including but not limited to the one I mentioned, with examples. This page also has prime examples of the type of love triangle I am referring to, though it is a very specific trope with specific character archetypes.
I find it sad when people claim they understand the love every other person on earth ever has or ever will possibly feel in their lifetime.
I get what you're trying to say, but you should also question why you think you can dictate what love is. I have my own opinions about love as well, and while I may be more inclined to look down on say teenagers who claim to be in "twoo wub," when it comes to mature and consenting adults, I acknowledge that they know what they're feeling and it's not my business.
I'm not really sure why "real love" (versus "fake love" or something?) would magically stop someone. You can be in love with someone, but still feel emotionally/physically unfulfilled at a given moment and make a stupid decision. I'm obviously not saying that's an excuse or that makes it okay, but I don't think "real love" is as magical as you imply.
Right, let's put it this way: you can be in love with more than one person in your lifetime. That's a fact. Whether or not things work out and you live "happily ever after" for the rest of your life is irrelevant - you can love someone intensely and deeply but still not spend the rest of your life with them for whatever reason. (Maybe things don't work out, maybe you're not allowed to see each other anymore, maybe they die, etc.) But you can still fall in love again, and love someone just as deeply and truly as you did the first person. It's not impossible - many widows find love again, for instance, and who are you to tell them that they didn't love their dead spouse as much as the new person equally? You must concede this.
My point, therefore, is that if one can love multiple people equally in one's lifetime, what is to then stop them from being able to love multiple people simultaneously?
Few points here, so let's take it one at a time.
"And they got married and lived happily every after" - you're right, of course. In many stories, there has to be a final decision, because most people are not suited for polygamous relationships. But that does not by necessity mean that the hero loved that person exclusively all along. Sometimes that may be the case, sure, but in others they may really have loved both equally and just had to make a choice.
We are currently talking about cheating and love triangles as two separate things, so let's please not get them confused. Nobody is saying "being in a love triangle gives you the right to cheat." Keep that in mind for the next point.
What if you're not married or in a relationship with either person? This goes back to the Hunger Games issue - Katniss has feelings for both Gale and Peeta, and while she doesn't really say no to either of them for awhile, she is not actually in any kind of relationship with either of them in the first book, so she's not doing anything wrong if she kisses one or the other.
But I'm saying that because the kids will know what it's like to feel hurt and betrayed by cheating, they're less likely to want to do it and thus hurt someone else. In fact, most children who experienced this were more likely to be less trustworthy, and that their views of love and relationships were generally hurt. I have seen some evidence supporting your idea, however.
That said, a child should never have to know if a parents committed adultery. It is absolutely none of the child's business and should be worked out between the adults alone. There is no benefit to the child knowing what happened.
~Psychic
all right: first of all: I respect that you've taken literature for five years and will take your word on that. (not sarcastic, honest, your right on the literature, I am wrong.)
second: can you define love for me? just so I can understand the basis on which your argument lies and compare my definition to yours.
second: can you define love for me? just so I can understand the basis on which your argument lies and compare my definition to yours.
true but in his eyes, she was with gale first so she should have stayed with him.
either way cheating is bad, and effects the children, usually negatively.
and if u want to leave ur mate...just leave them, dont do it then tell them... morons.
ChloboShoka
Writer
I think that cheating in a relationship is not a good idea because if effects both of you and also effects the way you two trust each other.
Yes, but we all know when someone cheats, it's not their fault, but the person who they cheated on. I mean, that makes so much more sense..lol.
Sometimes the victim doesn't even know there's anything wrong in their relationship, so it's the cheater's responsibility to open up and start the topic of conversation to their partner before they go off and sleep with some random guy/girl.
Stop defending people who cheat. Really, it's not cute.
I agree that it can partly be the fault of the other person. But that doesn’t excuse what the cheater did. It harms more than just them, it can destroy multiple families in one night…its no small matter.
Dude, stop putting words in my mouth. I said initially that it happens on both sides. I'm not defending anyone's actions. I'm allowed not to be some hardcore ***** who throws people away like trash you know.
Well if you're cheated on, you have a right to throw away what they are, simply trash.
Dude, stop putting words in my mouth. I said initially that it happens on both sides. I'm not defending anyone's actions. I'm allowed not to be some hardcore ***** who throws people away like trash you know.
It does happen on both sides, but regardless, it happens at the discretion of the person who decides to do it before talking to their spouse about it. Communication after it happens is an option, sure, but wouldn't it be a little more favorable to try ironing out difficulties before you go the more dramatic (and possibly divorce-prompting) route?
Ultimately, society thinks being anything but monogamous is reprehensible, but it's less about monogamy to me than it is about communication ("hey, just wanna be clear, how do you feel about extramarital partners?") and trust ("I don't mind if you do this and this, but at least ask me and let me know first").
はるひ
:)
Yes I agree.
On another note; there was a story where a woman cheated on her husband with her boss and said that she did it to keep her job. How does that justify...? I don't see it.
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