~ Choice and Consequence ~

[jirachiman876]

I was waiting forever PD!!!! *glomps*
Man I forgot a lot that happened in the last chapter but I seemed to remember a little as I read, which was ok. ^^
Great chap. I don't know what else to say. I love you description of Tynan's panic when meeting the Rockets. You do very well with peoples thoughts. It really flows and makes it seems the reader is actually inside the character and feeling those same feelings. Great job.
Still no errors I could find, which still annoys me. All my writers can use correct grammar now!!! It's just not fair!!! But it's a good thing of course, because i can take less time correcting and more time praising. ^^
I loved the battle with Keegan and the Magma's I remember this part in the last version and I think this is where you left off last time, so are we finally getting new material??? *cheers*!!!! Well 9 months is still a long time to wait for a chapter, but I think I can wait... who am I kidding I can't. I WANT MORE!!!!
jirachiman out ;385;

 

[Sike Saner]

Bramble's certainly proving to be an interesting and fun character, I'd say--I really like reading about her. ^^ On a related note, also interesting is the look given at the relationships among Keegan's pokémon, the way they regard one another. I thought that was neat. ^^

I also really liked the part that looked into Brody's thoughts and feelings about his team. ^^ I find that kind of thing to be pretty fascinating to begin with, and I think you did a very nice job of handling the things that were going through his head there. What I especially liked was the way he kept catching himself having those unpleasant thoughts and feelings and trying--and failing--to shoo them away. It just seemed really realistic.

Same thing goes with Tynan and the thoughts he tried--and failed--to shoo away. Again, that's just something that seems really realistic to me--maybe, at least in part, because I can totally relate to that. Lord knows that it's very often been the times when I've tried the hardest not to think about something that the something in question has really had my brain by the figurative balls. @_@

...Brain-balls. Now there's something of which I don't think I would have ever expected to have reason to speak. XD

I will freely admit that I squeed when the magmar appeared. X3 That's still one of my favorite pokémon species right there and probably always will be. ^^

Oh, and I squeed at the weezing, too. Same reason. X3

Spoiler: Other highlights

Keegan’s foot caught on a stubby bush and she stumbled, making pebbles skid everywhere until she caught her balance. ‘Stupid trees … can they even be called trees?’ she wondered, kicking the foliage belligerently.

Yeah, that'll teach that damned bush. XD

The pokémon had been quite willing to battle with her in the Safari Zone, and she hadn’t exactly been disobedient since, but there was attitude there. Keegan didn’t think it was because the butterfly was angry with being taken from her home—in fact, when she’d released her for the first time in the Fuchsia Pokémon Centre Bramble had been nothing less than enthralled with all the new things she could look at (and almost been chomped on by an irate and stir-crazy nidoqueen when she turned out to be too much of a nuisance). Same for when they got to Cinnabar (minus the nidoqueen-chomping. This time it was a houndour).

I love those bolded bits there; they put such amusing images in my head. X3

At least Hazel’s trying to be mature about this.

Mature, right. If sitting/perching at opposite sides of a room and staring at one another for hours on end could be called mature.

Heh. X3

Releasing her at all would have seemed like a slap in the face. Or over the antenna. Or whatever.

XD

‘Bii.’ With a grunt Hazel settled by Keegan’s leg, automatically kneading the hard stone beneath her and swishing her tail around her side.

And thus I am made to think of a kitty, and thereby not only Hazel but eevee in general gain several cuteness points in my mind. ^^

With a mixture of dread and excitement Keegan clambered to her feet and heaved her bag onto her shoulder, automatically dusting herself off before following Hazel’s nervously whisking tail towards the contour-pretending-to-be-a-path that led behind the crags.

I like that phrase. ^^

Okay, so I’m nosy. I blame you.

Oh yes, blame the imaginary voice in your head, that’s incredibly sane.

XD Priceless. I continue to like the heck out of the little conversations between Keegan and "the little fox".

The blonde-haired girl shook her head violently. Dammit, why did she have to talk to herself so much?

That I can't answer, but I do know that I sure am glad that she does.

‘No, wait! Bram!’ Keegan hissed, but the only answer she received was a gentle twirl and an eyes-screwed-up expression which might have annoyance. Or constipation. Keegan was willing to bet the former.

...XD

But Groudon’s power spread with flame and rock and the reach of land, and it wasn’t only Hoenn that Maxie aimed to ‘rescue’ from the influence of the ocean.

He realised he’d put quote marks around the word ‘rescue’ a second later, even in his own mind, and had to stop short and lower his face to take a moment to compose himself, his chest clenched with guilt.

My favorite part of that scene, particularly due to that bolded bit there. I loved that. ^^

The device in his hand chimed and he blinked in mild surprise, having been staring at it unseeingly with his head still downcast. Oh.

I liked that; it really showed how deep in his thoughts he had been. I also thought it was kind of a cute moment. X3

For an instant he was aware of everything: the coarse feel of his damp clothes sticking to him; his hair, limp and heavy from the humidity but still drifting on the slightest of breezes; his breathing, quick, too quick, so that he felt as though he couldn’t possibly be getting enough air; his heart pounding in his ribs, so harsh that it pulsed throughout his entire body; his skin tight and close as if only he could shed it he could flee light as a bird, because right then he couldn’t ****ing move—

Nice description of what that moment felt like for him there. ^^

Now, it was only the knowledge that Murkrow couldn’t stop herself from falling—********************—that had him reacting, although he honestly couldn’t remember thinking anything. He could barely see the pokéball’s red light against the flames, and for a moment it looked as though she’d been swallowed by them; but then the pokéball dinged and locked down to standby as they did whenever there was a critically injured pokémon inside, so that they weren’t released accidentally by an inattentive trainer.

The flames were dimming, Flareon was darting towards him before vanishing into red light, and his mind had apparently taken a holiday because suddenly he was hurtling towards the four bikes still lying innocuously on the ground beneath the sheer ledge.

They weren’t quite like the ones he knew, but that was only a dim realisation to the overwhelming gogogogogogogogogogo

What I like about those bits I bolded there is the nice sense of urgency they've got about them. Nice effect there. ^^

Thanks for providing another enjoyable chunk of reading material. I look forward to the next. ^^

 

[purple_drake]

..Noirr.Heart..: What was your old one? Mebbe I'll remember you by it. ^^


jirachiman: Ack! *issa glomped*

D: I need to write more quickly to stop people from forgetting the things that happened the last time I posted. M'sorry! *puppy eyes*

IIRC, the last time I left off,

Spoiler

Keegan had been captured by the Rockets and Blaine was trying to help her escape.

However, the nature and setting of Tynan's meeting with the Rockets has changed, and some of the process has also changed, which means that it's probably about half new material, half old. Within two chapters we should be into entirely new material. ^^

I hesitate to make promises/speculations because it seems like making them jinxes me to be a lazy-arse. D: So I will say nothing and hope for the best. XD


Sike: Hehe, I like Bramble. She's a recalcitrant snob, and shall make things interesting for Hazel. >3 I was/am actually really looking forward to showcasing the team's inner dynamics a lot more, as they got more members, so I'm glad you liked it. ^^

I actually hadn't planned to do anything from Brody's perspective, but I was having trouble linking Keegan's spying to the actual battle and my policy is 'when in doubt, change perspectives'. XD It seems to work. Also yes. D: Brain-ball grabbing is annoying. Especially when you have schoolwork you're supposed to be doing and no wriggle-room.

I don't actually like magmar. XD I think they're one of the ugliest things I've ever seen. Same with weezing, in terms of ugliness, though I've found myself with the urge to have one on my team in a game lately, so ... XP

Yeah, that'll teach that damned bush. XD

Yes well, the bush is evil, didn't you know? D<

And thus I am made to think of a kitty, and thereby not only Hazel but eevee in general gain several cuteness points in my mind. ^^

I do tend to give the eeveelutions somewhat feline traits, don't I? Though I wouldn't call them specifically cats. I have no idea what they are! XD


You're welcome; thanks for the review and glad you enjoyed. ^^

 

[Bay]

Nice indepth look of Bramble at the beginning. :3 Yeah, I too can’t wait to see more interactions between her and Hazel. Should be realllllllllly fun. XD

Agree with Sike that Brody’s thoughts on the team is nice too. Cool that the thoughts when Team Magma wasn’t an eco-terrorist group relates to the prequel “Heart of the Magma.” Interesting also how during the gap between the prequel and this story Team Magma had changed a lot and you did that nicely too just by Brody’s thoughts.

On the part where Tynan confronts with the Rockets, realistic thoughts there. Yeah, too many times the main characters who would confront those teams have too much self confidence in going against them. Here though, you have Tynan not only unsure if he can be able to do that, but scared half to death too just by looking at them. However, the part where Tynan runs away I was a little confused as to what happened, most notably at this point:

The image of Murkrow plummeting, tumbling in air currents, her feathers all but gone, was something that would be seared into his mind for a long time afterward. So was the smell of burning flesh, although that wouldn’t hit him until after it was all over, and neither would Flareon’s great keen of distress.

Later, he would try to recall the exact events and remember only the sensation of his heart thudding, breathing in ash that tasted literally like ****, and the sight of his pokémon falling against a backdrop of flames. Later, he would figure out that the flames had made the gas in the air—pushed back, but not swept away, and pushed higher overhead—catch alight. Later, he would realise he had almost killed her because he hadn’t thought out his strategy well enough, and not even the knowledge that he hadn’t had the time—or complete lucidity—would make up for it.

Now, it was only the knowledge that Murkrow couldn’t stop herself from falling—********************—that had him reacting, although he honestly couldn’t remember thinking anything. He could barely see the pokéball’s red light against the flames, and for a moment it looked as though she’d been swallowed by them; but then the pokéball dinged and locked down to standby as they did whenever there was a critically injured pokémon inside, so that they weren’t released accidentally by an inattentive trainer.

I got confused as in Tyran’s part you were going at the present (basically him trying confronting the Rockets and devising a way to distract them), but then the part, “Later, he would try to recall the exact events…” goes forward to how Tyran will think in the future. Later, you go back to the present with, “Now, it was only the knowledge…” IMO, Tyran getting away from the Rockets and is able too for a short time should be a fast pace scene and having the part where Tyran will later realize his mistake breaks the flow of that part of the action. I know you’re trying to acknowledge Tyran did something that is of huge consequence and the boy will realize that, but I think that part would work better at a later time, maybe like when he goes to the Pokemon Center to get his bird Pokemon heal or something. Probably just me, though. ^^;

Nothing else to say but nice chapter here and can’t wait to see what happens next!