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Choice (One-shot/ Poem)

M

mindripper

Guest
There is a place I know

Where the pure waters boil and roil

In them the seed of freedom is sown

Serene sanity amongst the turmoil

So blend the crests and shadows there

That all seems so pendulously fair

--

Immerse there, be washed in your fears

Reminder of a life in arrear

Desperation and dream are one and the same

It is up to choice, which one to exclaim

--

Therein is the story of Water

Eloquent speech and sullied slur

A blending of the ugly truth

And beautified subterfuge

Fools want to live tomorrow, so they say

Alas, even today is a day too late

The wise have always lived yesterday

Choice is often the difference in fate


--

Fate is not so much a destination

But more the paths we take

Doubt itself needs no discrimination

Nor the paths we forsake


--

Choice is a stone that litters our path

Birthed of doubt, steeped in graft

There is naught a choice made faithfully true

But more of a choice making you

Speak of indecision to a lowly moose

For how can you choose not to choose?

--

If the world is a broad field of battle

In the bivouac of life

Would we choose to be driven cattle

Or heroes in the strife?


--

If the world seemed dark and grey

Would we then lose our way?

Without Winter’s harsh, icy sheen

Spring would seem a duller shade of green

Without time in the darkest valleys

Where despair from hearts often sallies

Would times at the top seem so pristine

Where hope never bubbles but always springs?

Where clarity lends to life’s reverie

Where reverie is seen in all life's clarity?

--

Would we choose to live in slumber

A life of bland figures and numbers

Or live life as best we can

The brightest flash in Eternity’s pan?


--

Would we choose to ride quietly into the night

Out of mind, and out of sight

Or choose to be our lives’ own light

Banishing the night, reaching the heights?

Lives of great men before us remind

That we can make our lives sublime

Death and despair we thus rescind

Elevate above the daily grind

Leave footprints on the sands of time

--

Footprints, a bastion of light

Hope amongst tethered blight

Lending strength to another

Who in sailing over life’s solemn main

Sees life in a grey deadened grain

A poor, lost and shipwrecked brother

Who on seeing is whole and takes heart again

Who was once lost, but found again

--

In between death and life’s pain

All to lose and none to gain

Truly how would we choose

Where life’s knots are never loose

Where one cannot struggle, only drown

Where Faith turns with a hinted frown

--

Do we give up, walk through the door

Or do we choose a last frenzied roar

Horror in the heart, fear on the lip

A defiant roar our Freudian Slip

In death and pain we choose to live

To walk through fear’s ogive

--

No matter what may chance this way

Whatever may hold highest sway

Despair may hold greatest weight

But our choice it cannot obviate

In darkness and sorrow choose to live

A soul in light is never in grief

Take heart from brothers akin

Draw comfort from the soul within

--

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust

Nothing is forever, nothing lasts

Forests wither, cities crumble

Rocks weather, oases sunder

Choices made under the ether

Last for now and forever

Once made can never be retrieved

Though the eyes may cry and soul beseech

Choose well, live and let live

Cross every bridge, mend every rift

--

Between cup and lip there is much betwixt

Rarely ends a tale with nary a twist

We are always what we choose to be

While others choose the way they see

Always choose to set yourself free

To become what you wanted to be

Many potholes lie in between

Never ask why it only could have been

--

Life is short and Time is fleeting

Our hearts will not forever be beating

Trust no future, however pleasant

Choose to act, and within the present

--

So various is the human mind

Such are the frailties of mankind

Never trust blindly in tomorrow

Today’s whim is the morrow’s sorrow

Regrets are wishes viewed clearer

Captured in yesterday’s mirror

--

Tomorrow will never die

But he who on his laurels lies

A dream he thus mistook

A choice he thus forsook

To his failure a wailing hymn

A dirge of sorrow within

A simple failure to choose

A play of Lament’s didgeridoo

In threnody a mournful keen

Tears unnumbered, dolor unseen

A death, a requiem for a dream


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M

mindripper

Guest
As a small note from me, this poem is an offshoot of my previous one, the Song of Life. That one covered life in general, while this one, as well as my future works, will cover focused aspects of life, some of which were touched on in the Song of Life. These include Choice, as you can see, Justice, Goodbye, Despair, and so on.

I used a very fairy-tale approach for these works, and you should be able to tell. In my first work, I touched on the story of Water, and how it was the baeutiful lie, and the ugly truth. I touched a little more here, and it may make a return the next time. For those who do not understand why water is the ugly truth and the beautiful lie, feel free to ask.

Again, this is a content poem, and I use a very basic meter, which varies from stanza. I do take liberties when I need content over rhythm, but it is pretty sound, even though I do not over-emphasise on rhythm in any poem. Yes, this will be bundles with the Sng of Life for publishing. I have not forgotten about my charity work, and when I compile enough works, you will hopefully see them on the market. Thanks.
 
K

Kyle of Pallet

Guest
Wonderful Poem mindripper. This was really touching.

I hope this is published soon. I give it **** (those are stars. Why does a four star rating look so messed up)
 

katiekitten

The Compromise
This is (as I said for the song of life) Amazing. There are a few words that I have not heard of before and I will peek in dictionary.com to find out what they mean. You are a very talented writer, all I can say is that your poems tend to be sad. Nothing wrong with that, just noticing...

Very good. 10/10. :) *thumbs up*
 

Ice_Scyther

FFFFFFFFF-
Amazing. That was great. The Song of life was good, but this one was even better. I do hope it gets published soon.

Overall: ;123; (5/5 stars! Amazing!)
 
C

Calcos the Destroyer

Guest
Schweet Poem

Woah. This is win. Of the best. Fantabulous. A bit long, but it is soooooo beautiful and true....
 
M

mindripper

Guest
Hey people. Thanks for the reviews.

To Katiekitten, which words di you not get? Perhaps if there are any problems I can explain? Let me know.

To Ice_scyther, I do not know about this poem being better than the Song of Life, because I really do like that one, but I guess Choice is pretty ok too.

To Ledian_X, quite a bit of time was taken for this one, and some amendments need to be made still. I do hope you all found it worth the while, though.

To Calcos, Dryano and Ashgirlsmayandmisty, thank you all as well. Anything this work amounts to is in part due to you.
 

Hidden Mew

Fog Trainer
Wow. This is such a great poem. It has a wonderful flow and it asks deep questions about life. I'm sure that this will get publish. Thanks you for sending me a message about this poem. It is a 5 star poem easily.
 
C

Chaos Absol

Guest
A long poem compared to what I've seen before, but great.I haven't read Song of life before, I might sometime.But I don't really feel the need to.I have to give it a 9.7/10.It had me confused afew times, but overall still good.It reminded me of how I like to think:pessimistic.And for that, I give you the absol award, meaning it has great sense and makes sense.I hope you continue to write stories!
 

Scar

Hadouken!
Nice job, mindripper. As others said, you've got a real talent for this. Very touching and meaningful. This easily deserves to be published, IMO.

My rating- 5/5
 

Xiang

Well-Known Member
I love it! Your Pm was the call to a marvel unlike any other. Due to my limited knowledge (hey, what can I say? Not every eleven-year-old knows what threnody means.), I could not understand it completely, but someday I'll uncover it's true meaning. I just KNOW that it's good enough to be published.

...

I suck at reviewing poem-format fics.
 
T

travis_and_chelsea

Guest
That! That was a cool story I really like it!! I read it twice to pick up what I missed. This is a good story. I hope you make more! Of course not on this. This is one shot but I hope you can make another one and also put chapters!
 

billy5772

SENIOR
Cool poem. I think it was a bit longer than it had to be, and thus, it lost some of its effectiveness. There were a lot of good lines, but in between them also some that I thought were unnecessary. Some almost straying off topic.

Regrets are wishes viewed clearer

Captured in yesterday’s mirror

That was a really good line. I liked it.

The flow of the poem was generally okay. How do I define “flow”? Well, I just mean how smoothly the words strung together as I read the thing in my head. Sometimes it was just kinda choppy.

You used a few “bookish” words that I didn’t quite know what they meant, but could infer. For example: “didgeridoo”. That’s not really a bad thing, but if it wasn’t necessary, maybe you should avoid it? Iono

Anyway, great job.
 
M

mindripper

Guest
Thanks to each and every person who has reviewed. For those who have read both the works, thank you even more.

Rightm Billy's review is the first that I really have to answer, even though the rest of you people raised great points as well. Billy, I entirely accept the fact that the poem is long. You know the times when you just HAVE to say something in your works but cannot cut it short? Just sucks, does it not?

Just like the Song of Life, I placed content first and foremost. I covered most of the possible situations in which a choice defines a person, and what it entails. For eg, the cchoice of self-belief in bleak situations, choosing to be great at what you do, to achieve what you want. That everything in life is decided by choice, and that choices decide everything in life as well. It is complex, and I am not sure if the work captured every facet. This is really an inspirational work masquerading as a depressing poem.

I do like the fact that you took time to absorb though, and if you know me, you know I am a little superfluous at times. Tried to use older words like "main" and "ogive" to add an older feel to this peice. Didgeridoo adds an exotic feel, and is really justified if you ever heard the thing play before. I do accept that I seem to ramble at times, and am trying to do something about that. I did spend a fair bit of time, and I do hope that you can see this.

Thanks again to all.
 
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qwerqwer

Well-Known Member
it's really good and touching but to tell you the truth, i prefer short poems. But this one is really good
 
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