Sometimes when writing stories I feel like I make things happen way to quickly. But when I try to extend things and add some description it feels unnecessary and pointless. This leads to a choppy non-fluid feel between sentences and phrases. Does anyone have this issue too, and do you have any solution for it?
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Choppy Writing
- Thread starter Pokénaut
- Start date
CharMaster482
Pokemon Champion
I have a very similar issue, I go through events quickly and don't describe them, my characters seem unlike like and boring. I would suggest reading over your work a few times and adding details, but make sure you don't overdo it. As long as you details are interesting and relevant you don't need too many. If possible, also have someone proofread whatever you write so that they can help you with details.
Good Luck!
Good Luck!
Psychic
Really and truly
Hm, can you give a couple examples of this in your writing? It sounds like it might be more of a pacing issue specifically. A good tip in seeing how well your sentences and paragraphs flow is by reading your work out loud. See if it sounds natural or not, and find ways to improve it, whether through punctuation or the sentence length. That said, it doesn't sound like that's the entirety of the issue, so hopefully posting some examples will give us a better idea of what advice we can offer up. :>
~Psychic
~Psychic
I somersaulted backwards and sent another bolt at him. I quickly charged my body and went tackling towards it. I had miscalculated, I never got a hit and slowly stopped. I looked around and saw nothing but trees and bushes. It was gone. I had never even managed to get a good look at em’. I started walking back to the village, trying to catch my breath. What was I going to tell them? Whatever that was, was dangerous and could easily kill a person if not careful. Rain. I had forgotten about Rain. I quickly running back accidently trampling a Surskit on the way. I arrived to the clearing and looked around, I spotted a couple Poochyena loitering around Rain, so I ran towards them at full speed and tackled one Poochyena. It tried to bite me but I punched it in the face. I then felt the other Poochyena get on top of me. “GET THE HELL OFF ME YOU STUPID MUTTS”.
I feel like this paragraph in particular seems to have the problem I'm talking about. Although, without context it seems a bit off.
I feel like this paragraph in particular seems to have the problem I'm talking about. Although, without context it seems a bit off.
I'm sure someone else can comment a bit more about detail, but for me, coming in with limited context, I feel like some of the issues making this seem choppy or too quick are structural.
First off, this is a relatively small paragraph, but it seems to contain quite a few different ideas. The general rule for paragraphs is "one idea = one paragraph." So squishing a bunch of action into a tiny space like what's going on here means that everything feels like it's happening in very very quick succession without any breathing room in between.
Let me just not really do anything else (aside from some light editing for technical errors), besides split this up where I see shifts happening:
Still some choppiness there, sure, but I think this shows how breaking up that paragraph can 1. Slow down the flow of time so it doesn't seem like everything is happening so quickly, and 2. Help you organize your ideas to figure out what is undeveloped (and therefore where you might want to add more detail).
Particularly the ideas that wind up only really lasting one or two sentences would be a good place to start for extra details (though I'm totally not against a shorty paragraph here and there because their bluntness can create some good emphasis as long as the technique isn't abused).
Another problem I see that's creating a bit of a repetitive choppy feeling is that a lot of your sentences have a similar sound to them. It's a "I did this. I did that. I did another thing." You can oftentimes reword your sentences to get the same idea across without it sounding so samey (transitional phrases are also very helpful in this regard).
Here I've taken the same section, but reworded some sentences (as mildly as possible so I'm not actually doing a rewrite) so they're structured a little differently:
Varying your sentences is a good way to keep a flow going and get rid of that choppy feeling.
The ways I've dealt with the passage are, of course, not the only ways to organize the information you're trying to get across, but my point is that the way you organize that information (both within your paragraphs and your sentences) can do a lot to effect how pacing and flow comes across. Obviously details and transitions are also a big help when grappling with something like this and something you'll want to consider when you go back to revise this, but I think a lot of that springs from getting a handle on how you want to structure things.
epicninjask123
LoL Lunatic
I have a very similar problem with my writing in general, so seeing this example actually helped me understand what I can do better. Thanks!
Psychic
Really and truly
You could have provided the context, then. Either way, showing us that passage does help.
Skiyomi made two excellent points about paragraphing and repetition that you should definitely take to heart. The latter goes with my advice from before about reading your work out loud to yourself; doing this allows you do hear how the sentences flow, and it will help you notice any repetitive sentences.
You're right about things happening quickly - many different actions and events take place in quick succession in your paragraph. When this happens, take time on each event, describing the sights and sounds, how characters feel, how other characters react. You had the right idea with having the protagonist look around and take in their surroundings, so continue focusing on their perceptions, the things they notice as they act and react. Try incorporating all five senses when you can. Describe where the characters are, what time of day it is, what the weather's like, what they can hear and smell. Describe the crackling of the lightning bolt, the static it produces on the protagonist's hands or in their fur. Describe the protagonist hunching, squaring their shoulders as they charge. Describe the frustration and anger of realizing the enemy had gotten away. Describe balling a hand into a fist, the satisfying smack as it makes contact with a furry black Poochyena muzzle, and the beast's subsequent grunt and whine as it sscampers off.
Adding these kinds of details not only slows the pace of a story, but it also adds colourful details that can really bring a reader into the story. Just saying "I punched the Poochyena" doesn't bring the reader into the action - it doesn't tell them much about what's going on or how the character feels. However, if you show the reader what it feels like to punch a Poochyena in the face, show them how the Poochyena reacts, then that one punch can feel real to them, making them feel like they're right in the middle of the story, seeing and feeling and smelling and hearing everything the protagonist sees and feels and smells and hears.
Another general piece of advice is to vary the length of your sentences, especially depending on what's going on. Sudden thoughts work well as short sentences, which you did in that paragraph, and it worked well. In action scenes, if a lot of things all happen in quick succession, using short sentences can also convey that these actions are all happening very quickly. Longer sentences are good when things are calmer, whether it's describing a place or a character's internal monologue.
Also, be careful with punctuation. For instance:
The first comma doesn't belong here. If both phrases on either side of a punctuation mark can stand alone as its own sentence and still make sense, don't use a comma. For instance, "I arrived to the clearing and looked around" is a complete sentence. This means you should use a period.
With dialogue, remember that punctuation always belongs inside the quotation marks. Also, whenever a character (or group of characters) is being directly addressed, there should be a comma right before or after. For example:
"Hi, Susan!"
"Are you ready, kids?"
"John, you are an idiot."
This means there should be a comma right before "you stupid mutts." Punctuation, especially commas, can be pretty tricky (I still make mistakes with them!), so you should definitely take time to look up how to use them properly.
It can be a lot to take in, but these should prove to be some good tips on adjusting the pace of your story. Remember to start a new paragraph every time you start a new idea, read your story out loud to make sure it's not repetitive, take time to describe what's happening in a story, and brush up on the many rules of punctuation. I hope this proves helpful, let us know how it goes!
~Psychic